Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:03,330
So I'm on a line
at the supermarket.
2
00:00:06,370 --> 00:00:08,300
Two women in front of me.
3
00:00:08,370 --> 00:00:09,900
One of them,
her total was $8.00.
4
00:00:09,970 --> 00:00:12,770
The other, $3.00.
5
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:15,340
They both, of course,
choose to pay
by the use of the...
6
00:00:15,410 --> 00:00:16,510
MAN: Check.
7
00:00:16,580 --> 00:00:20,250
Check. Now...
The fact is,
8
00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:22,820
if it is a woman
in front of you that's
writing out the check,
9
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:24,590
you'll not be
waiting long.
10
00:00:24,650 --> 00:00:26,990
I have noticed that women
are very fast with checks,
11
00:00:27,060 --> 00:00:30,160
you know,
because they write out
so many checks.
12
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:32,030
The keys,
they can never find
in their purse.
13
00:00:32,090 --> 00:00:33,160
They don't know
where that is.
14
00:00:34,630 --> 00:00:36,900
But the checkbook--
They got that.
15
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:38,770
They never fumble
for the checkbook.
16
00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,540
They've got--
The checkbook comes
out of a holster.
17
00:00:40,600 --> 00:00:41,900
Who do I make it out to?
18
00:00:45,010 --> 00:00:46,570
There's my I.D.
19
00:00:54,780 --> 00:00:55,920
There's something
about a check
20
00:00:55,980 --> 00:00:58,350
that, to a man,
is not masculine.
21
00:00:58,420 --> 00:01:00,020
I don't know
exactly what it is.
22
00:01:00,090 --> 00:01:01,590
I think, to a man,
23
00:01:01,660 --> 00:01:03,590
a check is like a note
from your mother that says,
24
00:01:03,660 --> 00:01:07,460
"I don't have any money,
but if you'll contact
these people,
25
00:01:07,530 --> 00:01:08,630
"I'm sure
they'll stick up for me.
26
00:01:08,700 --> 00:01:11,130
"If you could just trust me
this one time.
27
00:01:11,200 --> 00:01:14,000
"I don't have any money,
but I have these.
28
00:01:15,100 --> 00:01:16,810
"I wrote on these.
29
00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:20,010
Is this of
any value at all?"
30
00:01:29,550 --> 00:01:30,750
What's that one?
31
00:01:30,820 --> 00:01:33,250
Cocoon 2: The Return.
32
00:01:33,320 --> 00:01:35,290
I guess they didn't
like it up there.
33
00:01:35,360 --> 00:01:37,460
Maybe they came back
for Chinese food.
34
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:39,630
You know
Maureen Stapleton--
she gets a craving,
35
00:01:39,690 --> 00:01:42,230
she's probably screaming
at those aliens,
36
00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:44,030
"I gotta have a lo mein."
37
00:01:46,830 --> 00:01:48,670
Okay, what are
we doing here?
38
00:01:48,740 --> 00:01:50,140
I have seen everything.
39
00:01:50,200 --> 00:01:52,370
Oh, yeah?
40
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:55,240
I don't believe
you've seen this.
41
00:01:55,310 --> 00:01:57,450
Oh, lovely.
42
00:01:57,510 --> 00:01:58,810
Yeah.
43
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:01,820
What do you think
their parents think?
44
00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:04,690
So, what's your son
doing now, Dr. Stevens?
45
00:02:04,750 --> 00:02:06,890
Oh, he's
a public fornicator.
46
00:02:08,390 --> 00:02:10,430
Yes, he's a fine boy.
47
00:02:12,730 --> 00:02:15,460
You know what?
This would be a funny gift
for Pamela's birthday.
48
00:02:16,260 --> 00:02:17,800
Pamela. Do I know her?
49
00:02:17,870 --> 00:02:20,430
Yeah, you met her
when we were going out.
50
00:02:20,500 --> 00:02:22,100
Oh, yeah, right.
51
00:02:23,940 --> 00:02:26,470
You have no idea who
I'm talking about, do you?
52
00:02:26,540 --> 00:02:28,280
No.
53
00:02:28,340 --> 00:02:30,480
Blonde hair.
Remember?
54
00:02:30,540 --> 00:02:32,980
Glasses.
55
00:02:33,050 --> 00:02:34,450
Have you
totally blocked out
56
00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:36,320
the entire time
we were a couple?
57
00:02:37,050 --> 00:02:38,120
Riverside Drive.
58
00:02:38,190 --> 00:02:39,650
Right.
59
00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:41,660
In fact...
60
00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:43,290
No. Never mind.
61
00:02:44,690 --> 00:02:46,960
Well, what is it?
62
00:02:47,030 --> 00:02:49,930
Well, a bunch of people
are getting together
tomorrow night at some bar
63
00:02:50,000 --> 00:02:51,770
for her birthday,
but...
64
00:02:51,830 --> 00:02:54,240
You don't wanna go
to that. No. Okay.
65
00:02:55,270 --> 00:02:58,310
Wait a second.
Wait a second.
66
00:02:58,370 --> 00:03:00,440
We could work out
a little deal here.
67
00:03:01,140 --> 00:03:02,210
What little deal?
68
00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,210
I will go to that...
69
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:07,450
You go with me
to a little family wedding
I have on Saturday.
70
00:03:07,510 --> 00:03:08,850
A wedding?
71
00:03:08,920 --> 00:03:12,050
Have you lost it, man?
72
00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:13,390
My parents are coming
in for this.
73
00:03:13,450 --> 00:03:15,560
-They're coming in?
-Yeah, tomorrow.
74
00:03:15,620 --> 00:03:17,990
Hey, did your father
ever get that hair weave?
75
00:03:18,060 --> 00:03:19,260
No, no.
76
00:03:19,330 --> 00:03:21,700
Still doing
the big sweep across.
77
00:03:22,830 --> 00:03:24,170
Why does he do that?
78
00:03:24,230 --> 00:03:25,770
Doesn't think
anyone can tell.
79
00:03:30,070 --> 00:03:32,340
So, come on.
Do we have a deal?
80
00:03:32,410 --> 00:03:33,670
A wedding?
81
00:03:33,740 --> 00:03:36,040
There's a lot
of people to mock.
82
00:03:38,110 --> 00:03:39,550
All right.
What the hell.
83
00:03:39,610 --> 00:03:40,880
Great.
84
00:03:40,950 --> 00:03:42,280
When you're dead,
you're dead.
85
00:03:42,350 --> 00:03:44,590
That's it.
You're not
going anywhere.
86
00:03:51,790 --> 00:03:53,330
ELAINE: Come on,
let's go. Come on.
87
00:03:53,390 --> 00:03:54,600
Was I supposed
to bring something?
88
00:03:54,660 --> 00:03:56,600
-You could've.
-I met her one time.
89
00:03:56,660 --> 00:03:57,870
It is not necessary.
90
00:03:57,930 --> 00:03:59,200
Then what did you
say that for?
91
00:03:59,270 --> 00:04:00,330
Hi!
92
00:04:00,400 --> 00:04:02,440
Hi, Pamela.
You remember Jerry?
93
00:04:02,500 --> 00:04:04,070
-Hi.
-Yes, we met.
94
00:04:04,140 --> 00:04:05,310
Happy birthday.
95
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:06,840
Thanks.
96
00:04:06,910 --> 00:04:09,480
Everybody, this is
Jerry and Elaine.
97
00:04:09,540 --> 00:04:10,880
Hi.
JERRY: Hi.
98
00:04:10,940 --> 00:04:12,850
I didn't bring
anything.
99
00:04:13,950 --> 00:04:15,220
I put you two
right here.
100
00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:16,580
Oh, okay.
101
00:04:18,490 --> 00:04:20,490
I'm sorry.
I didn't know what--
you know.
102
00:04:20,550 --> 00:04:22,890
I didn't hear.
Nobody's told me
anything...
103
00:04:24,660 --> 00:04:27,160
How big a tip
you think it would take
to get him to stop?
104
00:04:27,860 --> 00:04:29,100
I'm in for five.
105
00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:30,770
I'll supply the hat.
106
00:04:30,830 --> 00:04:34,030
JERRY: Uh-oh,
what do we have here?
107
00:04:34,100 --> 00:04:36,000
Why don't you relax
and take your jacket off?
108
00:04:36,070 --> 00:04:39,310
Oh, I can't.
I have a tendency
to get chilly.
109
00:04:39,370 --> 00:04:40,610
How masculine.
110
00:04:41,710 --> 00:04:43,040
Plus, I'm wearing
short sleeves.
111
00:04:43,110 --> 00:04:45,550
I don't want to
expose my tattoos.
112
00:04:47,180 --> 00:04:49,650
She's unbelievable.
113
00:04:49,720 --> 00:04:51,120
Hey, this guy says
he knows Bricker.
114
00:04:51,180 --> 00:04:52,520
Oh, you know Bricker.
115
00:04:52,590 --> 00:04:53,990
From where?
116
00:04:54,050 --> 00:04:55,690
What's going on here?
117
00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,690
Gotta be a boyfriend.
She's too good to be alone.
118
00:04:58,760 --> 00:05:02,330
What's the difference?
I can't maneuver anyway,
with Elaine next to me.
119
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:03,660
How do you know Pamela?
120
00:05:03,730 --> 00:05:05,030
Friend of a friend.
121
00:05:05,100 --> 00:05:06,200
And you?
122
00:05:06,270 --> 00:05:08,040
We went to
law school together.
123
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:09,570
ELAINE: Oh, Jerry.
124
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,640
Oh, no. Not now.
125
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,440
I had this dream
last night,
and you were in it.
126
00:05:16,510 --> 00:05:18,080
-Really?
-Yeah.
127
00:05:18,150 --> 00:05:20,580
Oh, God.
I've gotta get out of this.
128
00:05:20,650 --> 00:05:23,250
You were you,
but you weren't you.
129
00:05:24,220 --> 00:05:25,990
-No kidding.
-Yeah.
130
00:05:26,050 --> 00:05:29,190
Why is this happening?
Please make her stop.
131
00:05:29,260 --> 00:05:32,630
I think-- I think
we were in my house
where I grew up,
132
00:05:32,690 --> 00:05:33,760
and you were
standing there.
133
00:05:33,830 --> 00:05:35,500
You were
looking out the window.
134
00:05:35,560 --> 00:05:37,360
This is brutal.
135
00:05:37,430 --> 00:05:40,840
And then you turned around
and you had these
wooden teeth.
136
00:05:42,840 --> 00:05:44,870
How do you like that?
137
00:05:44,940 --> 00:05:47,440
Can I turn now?
Is this over?
138
00:05:47,510 --> 00:05:50,140
No, I can't, I can't.
I'm stuck.
139
00:05:51,910 --> 00:05:53,850
Jerry, are you
listening to me?
140
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:55,350
Yes. I heard you.
141
00:05:55,420 --> 00:05:57,350
Elaine, what's the name
of that jewelry store
142
00:05:57,420 --> 00:05:58,950
you took me to
that time?
143
00:05:59,020 --> 00:06:00,920
Thank you, Pamela.
144
00:06:00,990 --> 00:06:02,620
So you're a lawyer?
145
00:06:02,690 --> 00:06:05,230
Sagman, Bennett, Robbins,
Oppenheim, and Taff.
146
00:06:05,290 --> 00:06:07,030
Sagman, Bennett, Robbins,
Oppenheim, and Taff.
147
00:06:07,090 --> 00:06:09,230
Sagman, Bennett, Robbins,
Oppenheim, and Taff.
148
00:06:10,660 --> 00:06:13,230
Of course, they handled
my tattoo-removal lawsuit.
149
00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:14,470
Oh, that was you.
150
00:06:14,530 --> 00:06:17,200
Imagine, spelling "mom"
with two O's.
151
00:06:17,270 --> 00:06:18,970
That's very funny.
152
00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:20,110
What do you do?
153
00:06:20,170 --> 00:06:21,740
Comedian.
154
00:06:21,810 --> 00:06:24,450
Really?
Well, that explains it.
155
00:06:24,510 --> 00:06:26,080
Sagman, Bennett, Robbins,
Oppenheim, and Taff.
156
00:06:26,150 --> 00:06:28,650
Sagman, Bennett, Robbins,
Oppenheim, and Taff.
157
00:06:29,380 --> 00:06:30,680
You ready?
158
00:06:30,750 --> 00:06:31,950
We gotta run.
159
00:06:32,020 --> 00:06:34,120
WOMAN:
Happy birthday.
Goodbye, everyone.
160
00:06:34,190 --> 00:06:35,320
PAMELA:
Thanks for coming.
161
00:06:35,390 --> 00:06:36,420
Bye.
162
00:06:36,490 --> 00:06:37,620
Bye.
163
00:06:37,690 --> 00:06:40,160
I can't believe it.
I've got nothing.
164
00:06:40,230 --> 00:06:41,900
I don't even
know her name.
165
00:06:41,960 --> 00:06:43,460
Sagman, Bennett, Robbins,
Oppenheim, and Taff.
166
00:06:43,530 --> 00:06:44,630
Sagman, Bennett, Robbins,
Oppen...
167
00:06:44,700 --> 00:06:47,130
Sagman...
Bennett, Robbins...
168
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:48,300
Ro...
169
00:06:52,940 --> 00:06:54,640
JERRY: That wasn't
so bad, really.
170
00:06:55,980 --> 00:06:57,510
You know, um...
171
00:06:58,810 --> 00:07:00,950
You could use
a little work
on your manners.
172
00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,280
Why, what did I do?
173
00:07:03,350 --> 00:07:07,190
Well, I just don't
appreciate these little
courtesy responses,
174
00:07:07,250 --> 00:07:09,860
like I'm selling you
aluminum siding.
175
00:07:09,920 --> 00:07:11,030
I was listening.
176
00:07:11,090 --> 00:07:12,390
No, you couldn't wait
to get back
177
00:07:12,460 --> 00:07:15,660
to your little...
conversation.
178
00:07:15,730 --> 00:07:19,000
No. You were talking about
the, um, the dream you had
179
00:07:19,070 --> 00:07:21,270
where you were, um--
you had wooden teeth.
180
00:07:21,340 --> 00:07:24,210
No! No!
You had wooden teeth.
181
00:07:24,270 --> 00:07:25,610
You had wooden teeth.
182
00:07:25,670 --> 00:07:27,370
I didn't have
wooden teeth.
You did.
183
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:30,110
All right, so I had
wooden teeth. So what?
184
00:07:30,180 --> 00:07:32,810
So-- so nothing.
Nothing.
185
00:07:36,280 --> 00:07:37,780
Apparently, Plato,
186
00:07:37,850 --> 00:07:41,320
who came up with the concept
of the platonic relationship,
187
00:07:41,390 --> 00:07:43,620
was pretty excited
about it.
188
00:07:45,330 --> 00:07:46,590
He named it
after himself.
189
00:07:46,660 --> 00:07:49,560
He said, "Yeah,
I got this new thing--
190
00:07:49,630 --> 00:07:51,700
"platonic.
191
00:07:51,770 --> 00:07:54,300
"My idea, my name,
calling it after myself.
192
00:07:56,640 --> 00:08:00,140
"What I do is,
I go out with the girls,
193
00:08:00,210 --> 00:08:03,210
"I talk with them,
don't do anything,
194
00:08:03,280 --> 00:08:05,980
"and go right home.
What do you think?
195
00:08:08,150 --> 00:08:10,150
I think it's
going to be big."
196
00:08:11,650 --> 00:08:13,290
I bet you there were
other guys in history
197
00:08:13,350 --> 00:08:15,090
that tried to
get relationships
named after them,
198
00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:17,260
but it didn't work.
199
00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:18,990
You know,
I bet you there were guys
that tried to do it,
200
00:08:19,060 --> 00:08:23,500
just went,
"Hi, my name's Rico. Uh...
201
00:08:23,560 --> 00:08:26,600
"Would you like to go
to bed immediately?
202
00:08:26,670 --> 00:08:28,670
Hey, it's
a Riconic relationship."
203
00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:34,810
Hey.
204
00:08:34,880 --> 00:08:36,440
Ah, there he is.
205
00:08:36,510 --> 00:08:38,750
This is what
I like. See?
206
00:08:38,810 --> 00:08:41,650
You come home,
your parents are
in your bed.
207
00:08:44,420 --> 00:08:47,020
You know, Jerry,
we don't have to do this.
208
00:08:47,090 --> 00:08:48,190
What are you
talking about?
209
00:08:48,260 --> 00:08:50,160
It's fine.
I love having you here.
210
00:08:50,220 --> 00:08:51,490
Tomorrow,
we'll go to a hotel.
211
00:08:51,560 --> 00:08:53,160
Ma, will you stop?
212
00:08:53,230 --> 00:08:55,360
No, why should
we take over
your apartment?
213
00:08:55,430 --> 00:08:57,670
I don't care.
I'm sleeping next door.
214
00:08:57,730 --> 00:08:59,270
Your friend, Kramer,
doesn't mind?
215
00:08:59,330 --> 00:09:00,870
No. He's making
a bouillabaisse.
216
00:09:02,440 --> 00:09:05,140
So, Dad, let me
ask you a question.
217
00:09:05,210 --> 00:09:08,110
How many people work
at these big law offices?
218
00:09:08,180 --> 00:09:09,480
Depends on the firm.
219
00:09:09,540 --> 00:09:11,550
If you called up
and described someone,
220
00:09:11,610 --> 00:09:13,450
do you think
they would know
who it was?
221
00:09:13,510 --> 00:09:15,780
What's the matter?
You need a lawyer?
222
00:09:15,850 --> 00:09:17,350
No, I met someone
at this party,
223
00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:19,590
and I know where she works,
but I don't know her name.
224
00:09:19,650 --> 00:09:22,020
So why don't you
ask someone
who was at the party?
225
00:09:22,090 --> 00:09:23,820
No, the only one
I could ask is Elaine.
226
00:09:23,890 --> 00:09:24,890
I can't ask her.
227
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:26,490
Why not?
228
00:09:26,560 --> 00:09:28,800
Because it's complicated.
229
00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:31,170
There's some
tension there.
230
00:09:31,230 --> 00:09:33,130
He used to go with her.
231
00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:34,770
Which one is she?
232
00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,940
From Maryland.
She brought you the
chocolates you didn't like.
233
00:09:38,170 --> 00:09:41,240
Oh, yeah. Very alert.
Warm person.
234
00:09:41,310 --> 00:09:42,940
Oh, yeah, she's great.
235
00:09:43,010 --> 00:09:45,310
So how come nothing
materialized there?
236
00:09:45,380 --> 00:09:47,820
Well, it's a tough thing
to talk about.
237
00:09:47,880 --> 00:09:48,980
Uh...
238
00:09:50,580 --> 00:09:52,050
I don't know.
239
00:09:52,950 --> 00:09:54,490
I know what it was.
240
00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:56,790
You don't know
what it was.
241
00:09:57,490 --> 00:09:59,730
So what was it?
242
00:09:59,790 --> 00:10:02,430
Well, we fight a lot
for some reason.
243
00:10:02,500 --> 00:10:04,230
-Oh, well.
-Oh, well.
244
00:10:05,830 --> 00:10:08,870
And there was a little problem
with the physical chemistry.
245
00:10:16,140 --> 00:10:18,410
Well, I think she's
a very attractive girl.
246
00:10:19,380 --> 00:10:20,950
Oh, she is.
She absolutely is.
247
00:10:21,020 --> 00:10:22,980
I can see if there was
a weight problem...
248
00:10:23,050 --> 00:10:24,790
No, it's not that.
249
00:10:24,850 --> 00:10:26,720
It wasn't
all one-sided.
250
00:10:26,790 --> 00:10:28,520
You know, you can't
be so particular.
251
00:10:28,590 --> 00:10:29,890
Nobody's perfect.
252
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,390
I know, I know.
253
00:10:31,460 --> 00:10:34,590
MORTY: You know, Jerry,
it's a good thing
I wasn't so particular.
254
00:10:34,660 --> 00:10:35,860
Idiot.
255
00:10:37,530 --> 00:10:39,900
So who are you
looking for,
Sophia Loren?
256
00:10:39,970 --> 00:10:42,140
That's got nothing
to do with it.
257
00:10:42,200 --> 00:10:44,140
How about
Loni Anderson?
258
00:10:45,410 --> 00:10:47,410
Where do you get
Loni Anderson?
259
00:10:47,470 --> 00:10:49,610
Why, what's wrong
with Loni Anderson?
260
00:10:49,680 --> 00:10:51,780
I like Elaine
more than Loni Anderson.
261
00:10:51,850 --> 00:10:54,720
What are you two
talking about?
262
00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:57,080
Look, Elaine
just wasn't the one.
263
00:10:57,150 --> 00:10:58,750
And this other one's
the one?
264
00:10:58,820 --> 00:11:00,490
I don't know. Maybe.
265
00:11:00,550 --> 00:11:03,290
So ask Elaine there
for the number.
266
00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:05,360
I can't.
She'll get upset.
267
00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:07,630
I never talk about
other women with her,
268
00:11:07,690 --> 00:11:09,130
especially
this one tonight.
269
00:11:09,200 --> 00:11:11,170
How could you still see her
if you're not interested?
270
00:11:11,670 --> 00:11:12,900
We're friends.
271
00:11:12,970 --> 00:11:14,400
You don't sound like
you're friends to me.
272
00:11:14,470 --> 00:11:15,900
If you were friends,
273
00:11:15,970 --> 00:11:18,640
you'd ask her
for the number.
274
00:11:18,710 --> 00:11:20,010
Do you know where
this other one works?
275
00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:21,410
Oh, yeah.
276
00:11:21,480 --> 00:11:23,110
So, go up
to the office.
277
00:11:23,180 --> 00:11:24,910
Up to her office?
278
00:11:24,980 --> 00:11:26,280
Go to the building.
279
00:11:26,350 --> 00:11:28,180
She goes out to lunch,
doesn't she?
280
00:11:28,250 --> 00:11:29,550
I guess.
281
00:11:29,620 --> 00:11:32,520
So you stand
in the lobby
by the elevator
282
00:11:32,590 --> 00:11:35,490
and wait for her
to come down for lunch.
283
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:37,530
You mean,
stake out the lobby?
284
00:11:38,360 --> 00:11:39,890
Morty, that's ridiculous.
285
00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:42,000
Just ask Elaine
for the number.
286
00:11:42,060 --> 00:11:43,900
He doesn't wanna ask
Elaine for the number.
287
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:46,600
So you got him
standing by the elevator
like a dope.
288
00:11:46,670 --> 00:11:48,140
What happens
when he sees her?
289
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:49,870
He pretends
he bumped into her.
290
00:11:52,740 --> 00:11:55,540
You know what?
This is not that
bad an idea.
291
00:12:10,620 --> 00:12:11,830
What does
she look like?
292
00:12:11,890 --> 00:12:15,200
I don't know.
It's hard to say.
293
00:12:15,260 --> 00:12:17,330
What actress
does she remind you of?
294
00:12:17,400 --> 00:12:18,930
Loni Anderson.
295
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,370
Loni Anderson?
296
00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:23,700
What,
there's something wrong
with Loni Anderson?
297
00:12:25,170 --> 00:12:27,210
Hey, listen.
Thanks again for running
over here. I appreciate it.
298
00:12:27,270 --> 00:12:30,640
Oh, yeah, sure.
I was showing a condo
on 48th street.
299
00:12:30,710 --> 00:12:33,310
Besides, you think
I want to miss this?
300
00:12:34,850 --> 00:12:35,950
I'm a little nervous.
301
00:12:36,020 --> 00:12:37,490
Yeah. Me too.
302
00:12:39,320 --> 00:12:41,960
If I see her, what do I say
I'm doing in the building?
303
00:12:42,020 --> 00:12:44,090
You came to see me.
I work in the building.
304
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:45,290
What do you do?
305
00:12:46,930 --> 00:12:48,560
I'm an architect.
306
00:12:49,530 --> 00:12:50,970
You're an architect?
307
00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:53,100
I'm not?
308
00:12:56,540 --> 00:12:58,510
I don't see architecture
coming from you.
309
00:13:02,140 --> 00:13:05,150
I suppose you could
be an architect.
310
00:13:05,210 --> 00:13:07,710
I never said
that I was the architect.
311
00:13:07,780 --> 00:13:08,780
Just something else.
312
00:13:08,850 --> 00:13:10,350
All right.
She's not even gonna ask.
313
00:13:10,420 --> 00:13:12,450
If we see her,
which is remote.
314
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,920
Well, what do you
want me to say,
I just wandered in here?
315
00:13:14,990 --> 00:13:16,260
We're having lunch
with a friend.
316
00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:17,820
He works in the building.
317
00:13:17,890 --> 00:13:19,130
What is his name?
318
00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:21,900
Burt Har...
319
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:24,200
binson.
320
00:13:24,260 --> 00:13:25,870
Burt Harbinson.
321
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,870
-Burt Harbinson.
-Right.
322
00:13:27,930 --> 00:13:29,070
It sounds made up.
323
00:13:29,140 --> 00:13:30,470
No good?
324
00:13:31,140 --> 00:13:32,870
All right. Um...
325
00:13:32,940 --> 00:13:34,110
Art...
326
00:13:35,310 --> 00:13:36,410
Core.
327
00:13:37,780 --> 00:13:39,250
Art Core.
328
00:13:40,050 --> 00:13:41,280
Velay.
329
00:13:42,780 --> 00:13:43,850
Corevelay?
330
00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:44,990
Yeah, right.
331
00:13:45,050 --> 00:13:46,920
Well, what does he do?
332
00:13:48,050 --> 00:13:49,920
He's an importer.
333
00:13:49,990 --> 00:13:51,990
Just imports?
No exports?
334
00:13:52,060 --> 00:13:54,200
He's an importer-exporter,
okay?
335
00:13:58,130 --> 00:13:59,830
Did Elaine
ever call you back?
336
00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:02,840
No, I guess
she's still mad.
337
00:14:02,900 --> 00:14:05,670
I don't understand.
You never talk to her
about other women?
338
00:14:05,740 --> 00:14:06,910
Never.
339
00:14:09,740 --> 00:14:12,680
JERRY: Wait a second.
That's her, on the right.
340
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:18,350
I forgot who I am.
Who am I?
341
00:14:18,420 --> 00:14:20,420
You're you.
We're having lunch
with Art Corevelay.
342
00:14:20,490 --> 00:14:21,790
Vandelay.
343
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:23,260
Corevelay.
344
00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,730
Let me be the architect.
I can do it. I can do it.
345
00:14:26,330 --> 00:14:28,000
Hey, hey, uh...
346
00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:30,360
Pamela's birthday party.
347
00:14:31,030 --> 00:14:32,100
Didn't I see you there?
348
00:14:32,170 --> 00:14:34,100
-Jerry.
-Sure. Hi.
349
00:14:35,800 --> 00:14:38,140
Uh, this is George.
I'm sorry.
350
00:14:38,210 --> 00:14:39,810
-Vanessa.
-Nice to meet you.
351
00:14:39,870 --> 00:14:42,410
Ah, Sagman, Bennett, Robbins,
Oppenheim, and Taff.
352
00:14:43,910 --> 00:14:44,950
-That's right.
-Yeah.
353
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,050
What are you doing here?
354
00:14:46,110 --> 00:14:47,880
-Ah.
-Ah...
355
00:14:47,950 --> 00:14:49,150
We're meeting a friend
of ours for lunch,
works in the building.
356
00:14:49,220 --> 00:14:51,020
Yeah, Art Vandelay.
357
00:14:51,090 --> 00:14:52,490
VANESSA:
Oh, really?
358
00:14:52,550 --> 00:14:54,090
Which company?
359
00:14:54,150 --> 00:14:56,120
-I don't know...
-Company? No.
360
00:14:56,190 --> 00:14:57,860
-He's an importer.
-Importer.
361
00:14:57,920 --> 00:14:59,360
And exporter.
362
00:14:59,430 --> 00:15:01,460
He's an importer-exporter.
363
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:06,200
I'm a--
I'm an architect.
364
00:15:08,670 --> 00:15:10,970
Really?
Well, what do you design?
365
00:15:13,670 --> 00:15:15,280
Uh, railroads.
366
00:15:16,740 --> 00:15:18,610
I thought
engineers do that.
367
00:15:19,110 --> 00:15:20,510
They can.
368
00:15:21,850 --> 00:15:23,920
I'm sorry you had to leave
so early the other night.
369
00:15:23,980 --> 00:15:27,120
Oh, me too.
My cousin had to go
back to Boston.
370
00:15:27,190 --> 00:15:29,460
Oh, that guy
was your cousin.
371
00:15:29,520 --> 00:15:30,960
Yeah...
372
00:15:31,030 --> 00:15:32,660
-And that woman
was your--
-Friend.
373
00:15:34,760 --> 00:15:37,400
(CLEARS THROAT)
I'll just get a paper.
374
00:15:39,330 --> 00:15:43,170
So, um...
do you date immature men?
375
00:15:44,300 --> 00:15:46,040
Almost exclusively.
376
00:15:55,210 --> 00:15:57,120
I have no letters.
377
00:16:01,050 --> 00:16:03,260
Ma, will you go already?
378
00:16:06,290 --> 00:16:07,490
What are you doing?
379
00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:09,260
Wait, I just
wanna see something.
380
00:16:09,330 --> 00:16:11,600
You can't look in there.
We're playing.
381
00:16:13,530 --> 00:16:14,870
-Hi.
-Hi.
382
00:16:14,940 --> 00:16:16,140
Good evening,
Mr. Kramer.
383
00:16:16,200 --> 00:16:17,440
Hey, Morty.
384
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:18,610
Salad dressing?
385
00:16:18,670 --> 00:16:20,010
Look.
386
00:16:20,070 --> 00:16:21,880
-"Quo," is that a word?
-Maybe.
387
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:23,410
Will you challenge it?
388
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,750
Ma, you can't look up words
in the dictionary.
389
00:16:25,810 --> 00:16:27,180
Dad, she's cheating.
390
00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:29,020
"Quo"? That's not a word.
391
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:31,580
You're such a stickler.
392
00:16:31,650 --> 00:16:32,990
Well, put something down.
393
00:16:33,050 --> 00:16:34,490
You're taking 20 minutes
on this.
394
00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:37,020
So is Uncle Mac
and Artie--
395
00:16:37,090 --> 00:16:38,760
they're all
coming over here
before the wedding?
396
00:16:38,830 --> 00:16:40,790
They'll be here at 2:00.
397
00:16:40,860 --> 00:16:43,100
Oh, Elaine called.
She said she'd
be here at 2:30,
398
00:16:43,160 --> 00:16:44,660
and she says,
399
00:16:44,730 --> 00:16:48,500
"Hope your meeting went well
with Art Vandelay."
400
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,210
She said what?
401
00:16:54,270 --> 00:16:55,480
Just what I said. Here.
402
00:16:59,310 --> 00:17:01,180
She knows.
403
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:04,080
Oh, I am such a jackass.
404
00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:06,590
She knows what?
405
00:17:06,650 --> 00:17:08,290
She knows
the whole stupid thing--
406
00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:10,590
Vanessa
and the elevator.
407
00:17:10,660 --> 00:17:11,690
No, no, no.
That won't do.
408
00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:12,990
He may have the Z.
409
00:17:13,060 --> 00:17:14,860
So how did she
find out?
410
00:17:14,930 --> 00:17:18,130
Because Vanessa
probably told Pamela...
411
00:17:19,370 --> 00:17:21,500
and Pamela
probably told Elaine.
412
00:17:22,740 --> 00:17:25,410
So, uh, what are you,
afraid of her?
413
00:17:25,470 --> 00:17:28,240
Yes. Yes, I am.
414
00:17:28,310 --> 00:17:29,810
What else did she say
on the phone?
415
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:31,080
Whatever I wrote down.
416
00:17:32,580 --> 00:17:35,880
Yeah, but what was
the tone in her voice?
How did she sound?
417
00:17:35,950 --> 00:17:37,620
Who am I, Rich Little?
418
00:17:39,050 --> 00:17:42,190
Well, she can't be
too mad.
419
00:17:42,260 --> 00:17:43,560
She's still coming
to the wedding.
420
00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:45,330
Yeah, but now
I'm nervous.
421
00:17:45,390 --> 00:17:46,790
Oh, stop it.
422
00:17:52,330 --> 00:17:53,570
"Quone"?
423
00:17:53,630 --> 00:17:55,300
Thirty, 31...
424
00:17:55,900 --> 00:17:57,370
"Quone"?
425
00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:00,470
No, I'm afraid I'm gonna
have to challenge that.
426
00:18:00,540 --> 00:18:02,080
KRAMER: No, no.
You don't have to challenge.
427
00:18:02,140 --> 00:18:04,010
That's a word.
That's a definite word.
428
00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:05,250
I am challenging it.
429
00:18:05,310 --> 00:18:07,850
Quone--
to quone something.
430
00:18:07,910 --> 00:18:09,220
Uh-huh.
431
00:18:11,620 --> 00:18:13,320
I'm not playing
with you anymore.
432
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,820
Quone's not a word.
433
00:18:15,890 --> 00:18:18,030
No good. Sorry.
There it is.
434
00:18:18,630 --> 00:18:20,660
Get it off.
435
00:18:20,730 --> 00:18:22,130
Why did you make me
put that down?
436
00:18:22,200 --> 00:18:25,500
No. We need
a medical dictionary.
437
00:18:25,570 --> 00:18:28,200
Like a patient
gets difficult,
you quone him.
438
00:18:31,270 --> 00:18:32,870
CAROL: You wanna get
some funny material?
439
00:18:32,940 --> 00:18:35,010
You ought to come down
to where I work.
440
00:18:35,070 --> 00:18:36,940
There's a sitcom.
441
00:18:38,210 --> 00:18:40,650
You must have
quite a time down there.
442
00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:43,420
We got plenty of time.
443
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,490
Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm just waiting
for someone.
444
00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:46,990
Watch what you say
to this guy.
445
00:18:47,050 --> 00:18:48,420
He'll put it
in his next act.
446
00:18:49,990 --> 00:18:51,160
Yeah, yeah.
447
00:18:51,220 --> 00:18:53,290
Jerry, did I tell you
that I'm writing a book,
448
00:18:53,360 --> 00:18:54,460
an autobiography?
449
00:18:54,530 --> 00:18:56,100
Yeah, Uncle Mac,
you mentioned it.
450
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:57,530
It's based
on all my experiences.
451
00:18:59,270 --> 00:19:01,170
That's perfect.
452
00:19:01,230 --> 00:19:02,670
Could you excuse me
one second?
453
00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:04,000
-Oh, sure.
-I'm sorry.
454
00:19:11,110 --> 00:19:13,210
How do you do?
Jerry Seinfeld.
455
00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:15,120
How do you do?
Elaine Bennes.
456
00:19:19,950 --> 00:19:21,920
Um, do you wanna do this now
or you wanna wait
till we get in the car?
457
00:19:21,990 --> 00:19:23,520
Oh, no.
Let's do it now.
458
00:19:23,590 --> 00:19:25,260
All right.
The whole elevator business--
let me just explain.
459
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:26,460
Okay.
460
00:19:26,530 --> 00:19:27,830
Jerry, are you
going with us?
461
00:19:27,890 --> 00:19:29,830
No, I'm gonna
take my car.
462
00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:31,730
That's why
I brought the wagon.
463
00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:33,100
Why the hell
did I bring the wagon?
464
00:19:34,770 --> 00:19:37,000
Anyway, you know
why I didn't ask you?
465
00:19:37,070 --> 00:19:38,570
I mean,
I felt so uncomfortable,
466
00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:41,040
and you were so annoyed
in the cab.
467
00:19:41,110 --> 00:19:44,510
Well, Jerry, I never saw you
flirt with anyone before.
468
00:19:44,580 --> 00:19:45,880
It was quite the spectacle.
469
00:19:46,850 --> 00:19:48,050
Jerry, we'll
see you there.
470
00:19:48,110 --> 00:19:49,150
Bye, Elaine.
471
00:19:49,220 --> 00:19:50,580
Oh, bye.
Good to see you.
472
00:19:50,650 --> 00:19:52,320
Oh, we didn't meet.
473
00:19:52,390 --> 00:19:53,620
Oh, I'm sorry.
Elaine...
474
00:19:53,690 --> 00:19:55,690
-This is my cousin
Artie "Leveen."
-Levine.
475
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:56,860
CAROL: Artie!
476
00:19:56,920 --> 00:19:58,730
Artie! Come on.
477
00:20:01,160 --> 00:20:02,660
Yeah, Levine.
478
00:20:02,730 --> 00:20:04,630
And I'm Jerry
Cougar Mellencamp.
479
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:12,070
Anyway, I admit
it was a fairly
ridiculous thing to do,
480
00:20:12,140 --> 00:20:13,470
but I mean,
481
00:20:13,540 --> 00:20:15,680
obviously, we have
a little problem here.
482
00:20:15,740 --> 00:20:17,010
Yeah, obviously.
483
00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:18,580
I mean,
if we're gonna be friends,
484
00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:20,780
we gotta be able to talk
about other people.
485
00:20:20,850 --> 00:20:22,280
Couldn't agree more.
486
00:20:22,350 --> 00:20:23,620
Good.
487
00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:24,890
Good.
488
00:20:24,950 --> 00:20:26,050
Good.
489
00:20:27,420 --> 00:20:28,590
Great.
490
00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:31,660
Great?
491
00:20:31,730 --> 00:20:32,860
Where do you get great?
492
00:20:33,660 --> 00:20:36,460
It's great to talk about...
493
00:20:38,730 --> 00:20:39,900
other people.
494
00:20:39,970 --> 00:20:41,030
-Guys.
-Yeah.
495
00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:43,300
Uh-huh. Yeah.
496
00:20:44,500 --> 00:20:45,970
Well, anybody specific?
497
00:20:47,070 --> 00:20:48,110
No.
498
00:20:49,140 --> 00:20:50,280
A general guy.
499
00:20:50,340 --> 00:20:53,650
Oh, really?
Elaine Marie Benes.
500
00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:55,880
What? No,
it's not a big deal.
501
00:20:55,950 --> 00:20:57,750
No, that's great.
That's terrific.
502
00:20:57,820 --> 00:20:58,920
No, we just met.
503
00:20:58,990 --> 00:21:00,220
Doesn't matter.
504
00:21:00,290 --> 00:21:01,720
What's the young man's name?
505
00:21:01,790 --> 00:21:03,390
I would like to meet him.
506
00:21:03,460 --> 00:21:04,760
Mm...
507
00:21:04,820 --> 00:21:06,230
I don't think so.
508
00:21:06,290 --> 00:21:07,560
Well, what does he do?
509
00:21:07,630 --> 00:21:09,960
Is he an artisan,
a craftsman,
510
00:21:10,030 --> 00:21:11,830
a laborer of some sort?
511
00:21:11,900 --> 00:21:12,930
Wall Street.
512
00:21:13,000 --> 00:21:15,000
Ah, high finance.
513
00:21:15,070 --> 00:21:17,400
Bulls, bears,
people from Connecticut.
514
00:21:20,210 --> 00:21:22,310
And he happens to be
pretty good-looking.
515
00:21:23,540 --> 00:21:24,780
All right, sir.
516
00:21:26,550 --> 00:21:29,350
And he's hilarious.
517
00:21:29,420 --> 00:21:32,450
Now, that's not fair.
518
00:21:32,520 --> 00:21:34,820
So where did you
meet this guy?
519
00:21:34,890 --> 00:21:36,320
I staked out
his health club.
520
00:21:36,390 --> 00:21:37,690
Uh-huh.
521
00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:39,460
When you're on a stakeout,
522
00:21:39,530 --> 00:21:42,800
do you find it's better
to stand up against the wall
523
00:21:42,860 --> 00:21:45,230
or kind of crouch down
behind a big plant?
524
00:21:47,270 --> 00:21:49,970
You know, I think that...
525
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,470
even if you've had
a relationship with someone,
526
00:21:53,070 --> 00:21:54,610
or let's say
527
00:21:54,670 --> 00:21:56,440
especially if you've had
a relationship with someone,
528
00:21:56,510 --> 00:21:59,280
and you try and
become friends
afterwards,
529
00:21:59,350 --> 00:22:00,410
it's very difficult.
530
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:01,920
Isn't this?
It's hard
531
00:22:01,980 --> 00:22:05,850
because you know each other
so well, you know?
532
00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:07,750
You know
all each other's tricks.
533
00:22:07,820 --> 00:22:10,020
It's like two magicians
trying to entertain
each other, you know?
534
00:22:10,090 --> 00:22:11,490
The one goes,
"Look, a rabbit."
535
00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:13,730
The other one goes, "So?"
536
00:22:14,930 --> 00:22:17,100
I believe that's your card.
537
00:22:18,400 --> 00:22:20,230
Look, why don't we just
saw each other in half
538
00:22:20,300 --> 00:22:22,500
and call it a night, okay?
37186
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish (Latin American)
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof