All language subtitles for Murder, They Hope S02E02

They do say your wedding day is the happiest day of your life.

Well yours is going to be quite the opposite, by which I mean the worst day of your life.

Why am I talking to a newspaper?

This isn't Gemma, this isn't!

Look at it!

I know I might not have seemed as excited as you about this wedding Terry, but I think

some wee's just come out.

You hold on to that feeling Gemma, because as soon as you say I do, I'm going to spend

my whole life making sure a little bit of wee comes out with you every day.

Oh Terry, that's so lovely.

Mum, Monica, it's my special weekend!

Mother of the bride!

No, it's my special weekend.

Don't be so ungrateful Gemma, she gave up her pelvic floor for you, show some gratitude!

Hey sis!

I just feel like on this wonderful day of days, I have to tell you that I've got a bit

of an ingrowing toenail, so I'll probably be limping you down the aisle a bit.

It's alright.

And seeing you two get married fills me with joy, because it means there really is someone

out there for everyone, no matter what your personality defect.

She's right you know, even you.

Hey, on the website they said we got an all day buffet, so that's where I'll be, all day.

Well you do that, because this weekend, everything is going to be perfect.

It is.

It is going to be perfect, and I'm going to make it even more perfect.

I've got a special surprise for you inside!

It's like a vision.

Oh this is so classic, when you see the wild animal theme I've got planned for the wedding,

it'll just class up the classics.

I love it.

See?

Camel.

Classic.

And now we've got two days of wedding preparations, endless pampering, the big day itself, and

then on the wedding night, you know, we get to drink until we pass out.

You are so made for me.

I know.

Time for the surprise!

Here they are!

Look!

I've brought my new boyfriend.

Oh it's Phil, the loud hot tub salesman.

Hot tub baron jammer.

I'm the Alan Sugar of outdoor bathing.

I make all your dreams wet.

And he's brought his children.

What am I like?

Is the word you're looking for common?

It's funny this, Mum, because I did say not to invite them in about four separate emails.

Doesn't matter, because this weekend is going to be perfect.

Well, I've been thinking of how to add an extra layer of perfection to what could be

another drab ordinary wedding, and I think I know what that extra layer is.

Phil and I are engaged to be married!

Ha ha!

What?

You've only been going out like three months.

It all happened so fast.

We took the cruise together, and then he asked me to do something in the bedroom, which I

wasn't comfortable with, so I refused.

And out of the blue, he proposed!

And then she did it.

Oh, good God.

I'm picturing it.

I'm a picturing it.

It's fine.

It's fine.

It's fine.

It's fine.

Welcome, everyone.

We're so glad that you're joining us for our special weekend.

What special, Gemma?

Classy weekend.

I've got a real live owl.

Massive twit group.

He has.

Is this the happy couple?

Oh, look at them.

Nanny, Daddy and Patricia are getting married.

Yet another wife to add to his collection, and this one smells of chips.

Oh, lovely!

Feel free to use her if you need her.

Nanny practically raised the kids brilliantly for me, so if you have any, I'll have her

raise yours too.

Brilliantly, he says.

Bloody charmer he is.

But he's right.

There's more important things you should be spending your time on than raising your own

children.

I've had a word with reception, and I'm treating the girls to a fun dance class with West End

Choreographer.

Get the clucking ends out the way so me and the boys can go paintballing.

Yeah, sorry.

I was looking forward to relaxing.

Hot stone massage.

No, no, no.

You're going paintballing with us.

This guy, eh?

This is what he does.

Improving the lives of the little people.

Yes.

Yeah, that's it, Bob.

See if you can get your tongue further up Dad's backside.

Shut up, Glenn.

I'm director of nozzles.

You're just manager of filters, drains, and hair strainers.

He's right, Glenn.

You're a third wife child.

Know your place.

At least my mum loved me, Alex.

Daddy's taught me anything.

It's that loving people is a waste of my time.

Congratulations, though, everybody.

More champagne on me.

Aren't you almost glad your dad died so we could have Phil in our lives?

Do you think?

I never think.

That's why I'm happy.

So this is where it all comes to a head.

Beautiful.

Yeah!

What?

You're doing it wrong.

No, I'm improving it.

There's a song inside me, Gemma.

It just sort of happened to me, this song.

Long as you're annoying, Gemma.

I'm fully behind you, Patricia.

This is so much fun.

It's so tacky and low revs.

Good.

Cool down for five.

Oh, so tired.

Can I just say I'm having such a fun time at my engagement party.

Oh, and of course your hen thingy, which is what we're here for.

Yes, it is.

And I'm going to make lists of all the do's and, more importantly, the don'ts for my big day.

Let's dance!

OK, and again.

Let's go.

Quick question.

Why doesn't Bob have a gun?

He's a moron.

No, because Dad says I haven't hurt one yet, OK?

So I distract the other team while you lot move up.

In a real war, I'd be known as cannon fodder, right?

But you can't win a war without it, so I'm quite essential.

Actually, Glenn.

Yeah.

He doesn't have the killer instinct, this one.

Firstly, something that you'll need to learn, Terry, if you're going to join the firm.

Join the firm?

I don't want to be a hotsum salesman.

I'm currently a courtshiver who doesn't want to be a private investigator.

I couldn't handle another unwanted career.

One quick thing, Dad.

You said Terry's going to be joining the firm, which is great, but shouldn't the new CEO,

whoever he may be, make decisions on new staff after you've retired?

Yeah, I've had a rethink about the retirement.

I'm going to stay on.

Right, lads.

Let's paint balls.

Bob, sacrifice yourself to distract them.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's go.

Love you, love you.

Here I am.

Take my blood.

I volunteer as tribute.

What do you mean not retiring?

Daddy said he was going to sell up.

No.

He's staying on.

We're going to be a power couple.

Gemma, this is our new life.

Dancing like divas, drinking like legends, and sneering at the staff.

Well, enjoy it while you can, Monica.

Daddy's wives don't tend to have an extended shelf life.

I've known avocados last longer.

Oh, don't you worry.

Phil and I will be together till death has due part.

Five, six, seven, eight.

Woo!

Penguin.

Classic.

Well, I've got to go.

There's also a species that's in danger, so this is a learning moment.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I took one to the nipple, and it's starting to wilt.

Dad, just circling back to the whole you not retiring thing,

I was thinking about all the things I've done for this company.

The tax avoidance headache.

So I was hoping that maybe now would be my time to sit in the big chair.

Bob, you're a good son, but by your own admission, you're a convicted criminal.

Can't have a criminal one in the firm, can we?

I hate you so much.

If you need me, I'll be in the presidential suite on top of Patricia.

Hey, Sarah, this place is amazing.

That buffet over there, I asked for an egg.

They gave me an egg.

I ate it.

I went back, said, can I have another egg?

They just gave me another egg, and it's all for free.

That wedding photographer, you ought to bring him an ear.

That is something we want to remember forever.

Have another egg, please.

Hello.

You're lost like me, girls.

Well, we're looking forward to having you at my wedding.

Maybe you can even be flower girls.

That'll lend the service a certain haunting quality.

Yes, I got your final demand, and I will pay it when I get my allowance, you loathsome little coals and a scrote.

Oh.

Hi.

I see you've met the twins.

Little darlings, aren't they?

The twins, are they?

I was born first.

I kind of guessed that.

They're quite a handful.

Fortunately, I don't use my own hands.

I don't know how people do it, kids.

They're almost like little human beings, aren't they?

Are they?

Nanny?

Oh, girls.

Where on earth have you been?

Sorry, Nanny.

Nanny, can you give them some love?

I don't.

Of course I will.

Nanny's nothing but love, isn't she, girls?

Yes, Nanny.

Love, Nanny.

Come on, girls.

What's the old guy?

Hiya.

Do you mean he's got a crick in his neck?

What's in a hound?

It's basically a whole neck.

Yeah, well, strap it up.

And picture me there.

With your heart filled with pain.

Shall I come back again?

Tell me.

He hasn't said much since I found him.

Can we not just go one bloody day?

I've got a detailed itinerary for this weekend

and dead bodies aren't on it.

Right, calm down, everyone.

It's official.

This is now a crime scene.

Looks like murder to me.

Murder?

Do you think?

Oh, my God, his kids.

They'll be heartbroken.

You know what?

Somehow I don't think so.

Daddy, no!

If it isn't immediately clear,

he did die under suspicious circumstances,

which could either be murder

or attempted murder,

which went very badly wrong.

Which is also murder.

As a trained police officer,

the little things jump out at you.

The guys in filters,

trainers and hair trainers

are going to tell you it's really hard.

The big guy.

Gone.

I can't believe it.

Am I free?

I am, aren't I?

Yeah.

Free of him.

Woo!

It was only a matter of time, wasn't it?

I mean, his list of enemies is pretty long,

and I think we all know who did it, don't we?

I certainly do.

I can't deal with this right now.

I'm starting to feel sympathy for my brothers

and a sense of family bonding.

Do you know how much money I've spent on counseling

to get that out of my system?

Look, it's upsetting the twins.

His family needs me now more than ever.

Don't worry, girls.

Nanny's heart is big enough to take away all your sadness.

Gemma, you can find the killer.

Gemma cannot.

Are you kidding me, Mom?

No way.

Wedding, remember?

Wedding.

Phil was my love.

My fiancé.

Please, Gemma, for me, get me vengeance.

No.

I agree with Gemma.

Thank you.

For this weekend, yeah,

there'll be no investigating whatsoever.

It's going to be so exciting seeing what you do at work.

First, let's speak to Bob.

He seemed to have a pretty good idea who killed his dad,

so maybe he knows something.

We'll get this whole thing wrapped up

before the first guests arrive

and start being difficult about which table they're sat at.

Yep.

Well, haven't it noted that I protested this whole investigation?

I mean, I will note it,

but I want the rest of you to note that I'm noting it.

PHONE RINGS

Hello?

Freddy!

Will you stop eating?

We've got Malaga in three weeks.

Think about how you look in the pictures.

Don't you dare him, Barry!

Have her a red, please.

No!

Hey!

Look!

My lot have arrived.

Hey!

I might, well, have to do a little bit of...

Terry?

Murders?

Wedding?

Tick-tock nice frock?

Come on.

Surely we'll be allowed to have a little, you know,

measure of enjoyment.

The build-up to the big day.

I mean, you know, just what arm could one...

tiny, wincey...

drink do?

Fine.

One quick drink.

One quick drink.

Quick.

Let's get it on!

CHEERING

Bob!

Bob!

Who bloody grieves on the lake?

And, Terry, that was not a quick drink.

No, but it was a good drink.

I'm happy.

I'm very happy.

Cos I'm marrying you.

I think Bob knows something.

Maybe he's the killer.

Bob is a dear, sweet boy with a very generous heart.

At the same time,

I can see him being a cold, ruthless killing machine

who should be locked away for the rest of his natural life.

Bob!

Bob!

Hi!

We've just come to ask you a couple of questions.

Hi.

I know it's a difficult time, Bob,

but, to be honest, I'm up against the clock

with this whole nuptials thing tomorrow, so...

Bob.

Bob? Bob?

Oh! Oh!

What are you doing?

Looking for clues.

Gemma, she had his brain removed

and from the looks of it,

they sewn the top of his head back on.

I mean, I'm all for neatness, but that's ridiculous.

Oh!

He's still warm.

I'm warm.

I think this is the freshest murder we've had.

The killer must still be nearby.

Oh!

Room key.

Let's get investigator in.

We'll have this killer caught in about half an hour.

Bye, Bob.

Are there any murderers in here?

If so, we can pop back later and...

Come on.

I'm so proud of you, you know.

Oh, yeah.

I know you may think that I prefer Monica

because she's better spoken and more beautiful

and I'm nicer to her.

Swear to it.

But she couldn't do what you do.

Catching killers, setting up your own business,

your dad would be so proud of you.

Oh, Mum.

Oh, oh.

What is it?

It's a flock.

And it's a clue.

Get in.

Five points to Gemma.

Let's just say three points to Gemma

and two points to Monica

because she'll know how she gets when she feels like it.

Oh, my God.

Glenn isn't really Phil's son.

Bob's dead as well?

Oh, my God.

God damn it, all to hell and back.

Will everyone die today night?

If they do, can we take pictures?

Look at you two.

So discombobulated.

Let's get chocolate fudge cake for the both of you.

Come on, girls.

Is this his brain at the end of this fishing wire?

I'm afraid so.

So he had one, after all.

Vicky, can you just stay here and just...

Just stay.

Come on, Mum.

It's a hotel suite, not a morgue.

Think of it as a morgue.

What with the Maliba?

Hang on.

Yes.

My oversized Jenga's just coming.

So Vicky's got a bit of a mardy on, but she'll be fine.

Right, now, where's this, Jake?

Jake?

Well, they weren't kidding.

They said it was oversized.

We can't have this.

There's 80 more in the car park.

The hotel says we've got to shift them.

Right, all right.

Come on, come on, come on.

We're all shifting together, yeah?

Right, fine.

I'll shift it.

Terry, we're in the middle of a murder investigation.

Mum.

All we've done since we've got here is hunt this bloody murderer.

And I think my wedding is a bit more important

than a few dead, uninvited guests.

You wash your mouth out, young lady,

and fine, if you're giving in,

Monica and I will interview the kids.

They won't stand a chance.

I mean, obviously, I'm heartbroken about your father

to lose a parent so awful for you.

But the loss of a lover,

especially one who can form a kind of intense physical connection

that I can't...

Look, I suppose I'll miss him

giving me expensive handbags to shut me up,

but that's about it.

Where is it that men feel that they can just

buy you out of a bad mood?

I know.

Whether it's real or put on just for the hell of it.

I'm having trouble furthering why you're talking to me.

I mean, it must be very nice for you

to speak to somebody who can enunciate clearly,

but you've met Glen,

and yet you're asking me if I'm the one with teddy issues.

Oh, I think Alex is grieving as much as me, Monica.

Oh, come to me, Alex.

Come to Mummy.

I'll give you a cuddle and make everything all right.

Touch me and I'll pepper spray you.

Glen did it.

Killed both of them.

Bloody obvious, isn't it?

Alex did it.

Killed them both.

Bloody obvious, isn't it?

Yeah, we've talked to Alex,

but I wanted to come and interview you.

I wondered how it felt when...

When the old blood faded away to allow new blood

to flow through the business like freshly chlorinated water

through a 12-nozzle lower back jet massager system,

or when my only rival, the oafish older brother,

met his demise.

I'm actually quite chilled about it.

Do you think this interview would go better if my mum left

and we say,

ordered a bottle of Pinot Noir, made it more intimate?

Apparently, she's very adept at the physical stuff.

Takes after me in that regard.

Stop your spoiling it.

I've got a clicky hip,

but apart from that, I'm good to go.

Let me get a pomegranate and we'll see who's going to win.

Can I ask you about your fruit intake?

Yes.

First lesson in business school,

assert dominance by appearing uninterested

and occupied with a more important task.

I conduct all of my meetings looking out windows,

eating fruit.

Does it work?

It does, yeah.

I've got a chauffeur-driven car

because I am very good at my job

and because the constant fruit intake

gives me a runny bow.

Do I apologise?

No.

They crush deals and carry a lot of wet wipes.

Anyway, how about that Pinot?

You know what?

I'm good.

Oh, close it all day, Buffet.

Oh, well, did you stuff some in your pocket for later

like you did when you were young?

No, I was during,

but about to open the whole night, Buffet.

Oh, just like when you were a boy,

stuffing your face to regulate your emotions.

Right, let's chow away these feelings.

Will I?

Well, I think you're the best giant Jenga mover ever.

So what did you learn?

Well, nothing,

apart from the fact that Glenn's taken his five a day

way too far.

Despite achieving nothing,

we were really good at it.

I like this investigating stuff.

Right, I'm calling time on this.

I'm sorry, Mum,

I did try to solve the case for you,

but it's wedding day tomorrow.

I don't like failure,

but just try to enjoy the day, yeah?

The police will have to deal with it from now on.

What can I just say, Gemma?

You deciding to let the police deal with this for once,

it's just the best wedding present

you could have ever given me.

So you're giving up, Gemma,

just like you did with the cello when you were a young girl,

and the horse riding,

and the battle with your acne.

Gem, Gem-Gem, is there any way you could convince my legs

to get me up to our bedroom?

Or can our beds come down and get me?

Wait, not tonight.

It's bad luck.

Separate beds, remember.

I'll just jump in with Monica.

Okay.

You know, I love the fact

they're used to sticking to all the wedding traditions.

See you tomorrow.

And we're getting married.

Come on, girls.

Whoo-hoo!

Yeah, yeah!

Whoo-hoo!

You'll crack on, and I'll just...

I'll just sit there and catch up on this.

Come on.

The elephant...

looked really classy in the backdrop of the service,

and... I'm a classy guy.

Oh, oh, Gem.

What's wholesome, huh, my Gem?

No, no, no.

Aren't you beautiful?

How's it going?

Really well.

I've just killed their owl.

Nice.

Why?

It's ominous.

Okay.

I'm going to destroy their whole wedding bit by bit

before I destroy them.

They ruined my life,

and now we're going to ruin theirs.

Are you dancing?

Just me, then?

Fine.

Just tell me who killed you.

Go on, tell me.

God, you're boring.

Especially you.

Gemma, look at you.

This is it.

Happiest day of my life.

I never say it because, well, often it's not true,

but you look amazing.

Oh, don't cry, Ma.

I'm sad.

All right, Gemma?

I'm sad for me.

I want to meet someone.

At first, we flirt, then I start blanking him,

but he's now crazy for me.

We go on a few dates, but no physical contact.

He thinks we're just friends, then bang,

I hit him with the greatest sex of his entire life.

He tells me he loves me.

I say, that's nice.

I give him more great sex, then tell him it's over.

He gets weird, I get weirder.

The weirdness makes him want me even more.

He starts turning up at the flat at strange hours.

I have to get the police involved.

Then two years later, when he's moved on,

I see him with a new girl.

I point out she's very plain and he should be with me.

He dumps her, but I tell him it's not enough

and walk off into the distance.

Is that too much to ask, Gemma,

just to have a normal relationship with someone?

I think it's because you haven't solved the murders

and are, as usual, putting your own selfish needs first.

Nice try, Mum.

Today?

Today is wedding day.

Of course.

How silly of me.

Yes, Mummy.

So silly.

And can I commend you on your strength as well, Gemma?

Oh, strong, am I?

Oh, yes.

I wouldn't have a hint of the bravery

you're displaying right now.

I've been getting married with all these murders

hanging over your head, unsolved.

It'll take the memory of this day forever.

Will...

Will it?

You're right.

You're right, Monica.

I wouldn't do it.

But Gemma's made a sterner stuff than you and me

because I'd be looking at those photos in 20 years

and they'd be steeped in sadness for me.

But not Gemma.

No, not Gemma.

Right, then!

Come on, everyone in the chapel, I'll sort this.

Be with you in a minute, just got to wash this face mask off,

then do my make-up, then put my dress on,

then squish my bits around so they look good in the dress.

Everyone but Terry.

It's a bad look for him to see the bride.

Terry as well!

Figure it out!

Unbelievable.

Of course.

Right, then.

Everyone focus.

We're going to do this quickly

and then we can crack on with the nuptials, OK?

Yeah, just a quick...

I'll update before you get started.

Unfortunately, everyone, the crick in the house net

was more serious than we were led to believe.

So, sadly, obviously, we'll be having a service

for the owl after our service.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, here we go.

Usual stuff.

I've brought you all here because one of you is the murderer,

yada, yada, yada.

Gone through all the clues and so on and so forth.

And it's Glen.

Excuse me?

Let's look at the facts, Glen.

You're... weird.

And there's, like, tonnes of daddy issues.

So you killed off your dad.

Then, when you found out Bob had done a DNA test

to prove that you weren't actually Phil's real son,

you killed him as well to cover it up.

Steady, isn't he?

Sorry, I'm not Dad's real son.

But he was everything I am.

Every atom of my being is him and wanting to be him.

Oh.

Gemma.

Gem.

Gem, Gem!

Over here.

Oh.

I'm loving the high energy of your presentation,

but I think you've missed the mark.

Who am I?

Right, OK, OK, OK.

Yeah?

I'm just getting warmed up.

So...

I can now reveal...

that the murderer is...

Over here, it's Alex.

Me?

Are you an actual idiot?

Oh, butter wouldn't melt, would it?

All you were interested in were the handbags

that Daddy bought you, but Alex...

Sweet.

Confused.

Evil Alex.

Handbags aren't love, are they?

Hey?

And because Daddy wouldn't give you real love,

he had to die.

So he couldn't give it to anyone else.

I would never hurt Daddy.

Bumping off Bob would raise your share of the inheritance.

I think the police would be very interested to hear that.

And what about all your debts?

You were getting hassles about final demands, weren't you?

Have you ever heard of a thing called inheritance tax?

It says that 40% of Daddy's estate goes to the taxman on his death.

Why would I kill him for the money

just to give nearly half of it to the inland revenue?

Surely I would just have him sell the company

or keep the holdings offshore?

Cayman Islands are quite due to that sort of thing.

That way, I'd nearly doubled. I stood to gain.

Oh.

I did not know that.

No, I know you didn't,

and it's terribly unfair of me to expect that you did.

It has nothing to do with jeggings.

But I also have another spanner to throw

in your loosely constructed works.

I have an alibi.

Nanny, I was stroking my hair all night, weren't you, Nanny?

Mm-hmm.

That's right.

I think it's time to stop all of this.

Our family has been through enough these past two days.

It's starting to sound like everyone needs an early nap time.

And Gemma is dangerously close to going on the naughty step.

One minute for every year of your age.

How long will you be on there, Gemma?

Forty-f...

Seven, is it?

It is not 47.

Right.

All right, she's got an alibi, now so have you.

She was stroking a grown woman's hair all night.

She's a perfectly healthy thing to do.

Oh, I don't know, I'm out of ideas.

I don't know who's killed who or what or how or...

Well, you weren't stroking her hair all night, were you?

Of course I was.

Oh, were you dafty?

You remember?

I saw you about midnight.

You came past the buffet all out of breath and all.

I offered you a custard slice with salted caramel sauce.

Delicious, by the way.

You just scuttled past me like I wasn't even there.

What about yesterday lunchtime, Freddie?

Was she near the buffet then?

No.

Lunchtime is when they like the barbecue by the lake.

I offered you a quarter pounder with cheese.

You ignored me then as well.

Nanny?

Why have you lied?

It's her. She did it. She killed her father.

My father.

It's too soon.

No, no, no, no.

Nanny is love, remember?

And that's why you did it, didn't you?

It wasn't for the love of the children.

Oh, I'm over here.

You did it for a different kind of love, didn't you?

For Phil's love.

You worked for him for decades.

And all he ever saw you as was the hired help.

He never saw the woman with feelings, emotions,

an incredibly sensible her.

35 years I loved him.

35 years!

And what did I get in return?

Nothing.

Nothing.

Wife after wife after wife.

I thought eventually he'd see me for who I am

and what we could be together.

But once she turned up,

I knew he'd never look at me that way.

I'd wasted my whole life on that man.

I'm a powerful presence.

I won't apologize for that.

It was about Bob.

Bob knew how I felt.

He knew it was me.

But he was going to give me up,

take me away from all of you.

Take me away from all of you.

London, did I solve the murder?

No, I did eventually.

No, no, no. I think I did, you know.

Mum, will you tell him?

Freddie said he's solving my murders.

Chum, chum, chum, chum, chum.

Mum.

Mum.

It's not fair.

So, what did I miss?

I'm the arresting officer.

I have to take Nanny down the station.

So I'll miss the wedding, Gemma.

Oh, but don't feel bad.

It's worked out, really,

because I didn't want to be here in the first place.

That, and I'm more hungover than I've ever been.

Don't worry, girls.

Mummy's here.

Mummy can manage just fine without Nanny.

So what do you two generally like to eat?

And when?

She taught us so many things.

Like how to use pulleys to lift heavy things.

And the biology lessons,

when she told us about how the human brain is complex.

And fragile.

Put that down.

No! Nanny, please!

Nanny! Nanny, no! I'll be a good boy!

I'll be a good boy!

And she told us sometimes,

it's for the best to keep secrets.

Yes.

Secrets.

After a crap weekend, at least give me this.

And do you, Terry, take Gemma Sharon Draper

to be your lawfully wedded wife?

I do. Definitely.

More than a hundred percent.

I do is what you need to say.

No, it isn't.

But I understand you press for time.

And do you, Gemma, take Terry Eustace Bremmer

to be your lawfully wedded husband?

Come on, love, don't waste his time.

I don't...

Tony!

Tony!

There you are.

I've been looking absolutely everywhere for you.

What are you up to?

Excuse me?

Who are you?

Me, love.

I'm his wife.

And I...