All language subtitles for Freaky Stories - 3x03 - Duelling Sisters_Legendas01.ENG

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We got the very latest
in Twenty First Century,

ultra-contemporary,
high tech,

state-of-the-art, wireless
internet access.

The Hand-held Wanderer.

You can get absolutely
anything that exists in the

world on the internet.

Now, [clear throat] just
tell me what you want here.

A piano?

You can't play the piano.

You got no hands.

Maybe that's why I
can't play too good.

Hm, now, pick
something else.

We'll be back
with more adventures in

cyber space after
this next Freaky Story.

This is a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine,

Wally Willis.

He was an
accountant, like me.

Well, maybe not
exactly like me.

You see, Wally was a
full-blown numbers freak.

He once made his entire
staff work a whole holiday

weekend, because one
account ledger was short

by one cent.

Cost him six thousand
dollars in overtime

to find that penny.

So you can imagine Wally's
reaction when he came to our

office building
for the first time.

He got on the elevator...and
saw that there was no button

for the thirteenth floor.

Fourteen does not
come right after twelve!

Wally's brain
synapses fused.

And he tried to get the
elevator to stop between the

twelfth and fourteenth
floors by punching a lot of

buttons, getting frustrated
and pulling wires

out of the control panel.

This set off the alarm -
and when the fire department

broke through the trap door,
they found three terrified

passengers and a crazed
accountant trying to pry

open an elevator door
with his pocket protector,

screaming "I'll get to
that thirteenth floor!"

He was more determined
than ever to find

the missing floor!

Then he saw a window
washer's platform,

and realized that he
could use the ropes to pull

himself up to the
thirteenth floor.

Now, normally, Wally's idea
of a workout was dodging a

tax audit.

So after fifteen
minutes of intense effort,

Wally's heart was
beating like a pile driver,

he was practically
drowning in sweat.

But Wally didn't give up.

He was driven to get to
the logical and rational

conclusion, which in this
case would be to find

floor number thirteen.

Sure, thirteen may
be unlucky to some,

but accountants like
Wally don't believe in luck.

Slowly but surely, he
made it higher and higher,

then finally managed
to haul himself up

those last few inches.

And as he leaned forward
to look into the thirteenth

floor window he realized
that he'd let go of the

rope, and was falling
towards the ground!

Luckily, the
building's flag pole

diverted his plummeting body.

He bounced off the entrance
awning and landed in a dump

truck hauling sand.

So much for not
believing in luck.

When he regained
consciousness,

Wally was a man possessed.

The thirteenth floor had
defeated Wally Willis twice now.

Time for this Bruised Willis
to turn into Bruce Willis.

He could have
shouted "Shazam!",

or slipped into a phone
booth to change into tights

and cape.

But no, Wally was an
accountant...a profession

most definitely
devoid of super heroes.

So Wally got hold
of some blueprints,

and determined that the only
way left into the building

is through the sewer system.

And the only way to get
through the sewer was in a

scuba suit...

Wally made it through the
sewer and into the basement

of the building.

Now for phase two: crawling
through the building's

ventilation systems
without being detected.

After Wally's
sewer adventures,

it was a good thing the
building's alarm systems

weren't
triggered by smell...

Still, Wally
followed his blueprints,

and eventually emerged in
the building's stairwell

just like he'd planned.

He was on the twelfth floor
- now all he had to do was

climb up one more flight!

And with his own
personal Mt. Everest

just a few feet away,

what is Wally hoping to find
on the thirteenth floor?

Fame? Fortune? Respect?

Well, yeah, all those things
- but mostly he was hoping

to find a men's room.

It had been a l-o-o-ong day.

But suddenly there it was.

A little door on the landing
between the twelfth and

fourteenth floor.

A door.

it had to be the
13th floor door.

It did exist!

Taking a deep breath,
Wally opened the door -

and saw something that
took his breath away.

Numbers nerds - dozens
of 'em - maybe hundreds!

Guys just like him, with
bad skin and worse breath.

Guys who can remember pi to
a million decimal places,

but couldn't remember to
wash more than once a year.

And they turned
to him as one,

and yelled out -
"DON'T CLOSE THE -"

"-DOOR!"

But it was too late - the door
had locked from the other side!

He was trapped - just like
dozens of other deadly dull

digit detective dimwits,
all of whom had found the

solution to the mystery of the
missing thirteenth floor.

That was a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine,

Wally Willis.

You can think about him
the next time you're in an

elevator without a button
for the thirteenth floor,

just don't go leading any
rescue missions for ol'

Wally - not unless you want
to be the thirteenth floor's

next victim.

What are we gonna
buy on the net?

Chicken nuggets.

What???

Chicken nuggets.

That's it?

This is the latest in
scientific development.

And you want...

Chicken nuggets.

Why???

I never had one.

Where have you
been all these years?

In the grease trap.

Uh, of course.

We'll be back with chiphead here
after the next Freaky Story.

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of
a friend of mine, Tod.

Actually, it had to do more
with his entire family.

Tod's dad pictured himself
to be the outdoors type.

Like he was Paul
Bunyon, only not so giant.

He always told stories about
what a good fisherman he was

and how he once caught this
twenty pound bass or that

four foot long blue fish,
or a trout that was so big,

it didn't fit in his trunk.

But everyone knew he was ...
"exaggerating."

Which was the nice family
way of saying their dad

was a big fat liar.

Everybody thought
that except for Tanya.

You see, when she
wasn't playing with her doll

collection, she would tell
her dad she wanted to be a

great fisherman --
okay, fisherperson.

He was so proud that he had
this fatherly "role model"

influence on his kid that
he decided it was time to

introduce his family
to the great outdoors.

The worst part is, Tod's
dad insisted the family was

going to "rough
it...with one exception,

he let Tanya
bring her doll case,

which made Tod learn the
advantages of sucking up.

Tod's dad rented a cabin
way out in the middle

of nowhere.

It was supposed to have the
best fishing in the world.

Tod wondered
why any creature,

even a fish, would come
to a place like this.

There was no electricity.

No running water, except
through the roof

when it rained.

And if you had to
go to the bathroom,

there wasn't one.

There was an outhouse.

Tod and his mom
hated the cabin,

couldn't stand the bugs.

They were totally
grossed out by the outhouse.

And fetching water from a
well is kind of cute...

in fairy tales.

In real life, let's just say,

Tod would rather
die from thirst.

But Tanya loved the
whole adventure.

Especially the fishing.

She toddled off down the
path with her runny nose and

her toy fishing rod and reel
like she really expected

to catch something.

Her dad was
bursting with pride.

Tod played with his
computer game in the van.

His mom spent all of
her time complaining.

But Tod's dad was
determined to have fun...

whether anyone
liked it or not.

At the end of the day,

Tanya came back with a
huge big-mouth bass

dangling from her hook.

The fish was practically
as big as she was.

Dad came back with nothing.

He acted like he was
thrilled with his daughter's

success.

But were his
compliments a little flat?

His pride a little
touched with jealousy?

Of course not.

Tanya was his offspring.

If she could catch
such a big fish...fine.

Tod's dad
prepared the fish,

his mom handled the barbecue
and the bass was enjoyed

by all.

Even Tod, who was
not a big fish lover,

kinda liked it.

Tanya gave her boring
account of her catch

and described her
fishing hole as

"the bestest fishing
hole ever."

he next morning, Tod's
dad wished his daughter good

luck, but secretly,
he was bummed out.

Not because he was jealous.

Oh no, but he had a
reputation to keep up.

Sure it was a reputation he
made with his own "big fish"

stories, but he wasn't
about to be out-fished

by his very own daughter.

Okay, so maybe when
you think about it,

the guy was jealous.

He went up and
down the river.

Tried here and
there and everywhere.

But he got nothing.

Zip. Zero. Totally shut out.

At the end of that day,
Tanya toddled back home with

another big fish
on her line...

even bigger than the one
she caught the first day.

They all sat around
and enjoyed the fish.

Tanya's dad was all full
of compliments and praise

for "his little fisherperson."

But Tod could tell, his
dad wasn't as pleased

as he looked.

In fact, Tod thought, his dad
seemed to be a little jealous.

Well, "a little" soon became
a huge understatement.

He was determined not
to let his daughter

show him up again.

So the next day, when
Tanya headed off to her

"bestest fishing hole",
her dad followed her.

He was pretty surprised
when he realized

he didn't have far to go.

You see, Tanya headed to
a little run-down shed

behind the outhouse.

Dad peeked in the window.

There was Tanya, pulling a
big fish out of her doll

case which was filled
with dry ice...and fish.

This was a true story.

It happened to a friend of
a friend of mine, Tod...

and his sister, Tanya, who
grew up to become the owner

of Tanya's Frozen
Fishstick Company.

Ah, let's see here.

Chicken nuggets with
sweet and sour sauce.

Chicken nuggests
with barbecue sauce.

Chicken nuggets with
hot sauce, plum sauce-

No sauce.

Plain chicken nuggets.

You got it, pal.

Ooo! Ooo! Me! Me!
Please please, can I do it?

Okay.

Go ahead, order.
How many do you want?

Be my guest.

[BEEP BEEP]

See how easy.

With one tap, you
just ordered...

YIKES!!!

This is a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine.

An old friend, Billy Baxter.

Billy "Bean Boy" Baxter.

We used to call him Bean Boy
because Billy loved beans.

Really looooved beans.

That's all he ate was beans.

He was a beanaholic.

Navy beans, kidney
beans, lima beans.

For breakfast,
lunch and dinner.

Billy's mom did her best to
make Billy's meals "normal".

She made bean
casserole, bean stew,

bean omelets.

And on special
occasions, beans a la king.

But there was one
invisible problem.

Invisible, but you
sure knew it was there.

It's what beans make you do.

My mom used to call
it "passing wind".

Man, I'd hate to get caught in
one of Billy's wind storms.

Billy would release his
"wind" storm after he ate

beans, which I
already mentioned,

was every meal.

The bad news was,
the house took on a

permanent fragrance.

The good news was,
they never had to call an

exterminator...

the house was
permanently fumigated.

So, just about
every evening,

right after dessert, when
Billy was finishing his bean

pie, the whole family
would don their gas masks.

They had everything worked
out...lived a normal family

life, except for one
little thing-after dinner,

when they sat
around watching TV,

there was more than a
family resemblance.

You see they all
had gas mask faces.

Then came that fateful
day, Mr. Baxter -that'd be

Billy's dad - was to
be awarded a citation.

It seems his neighbor was
overcome in her garage

by carbon monoxide.

Luckily, Mr. Baxter had
his anti-Billy-gas mask,

which he used to
save her life.

Unfortunately, he came
home without his gas mask,

got one whiff of Billy's
you-know-what and went

unconscious for three days.

He recovered in time
for the big award ceremony.

He'd be getting a plaque from
the mayor at a fancy dinner.

There were newspaper
reporters, TV crews.

Everybody was very excited.

It was gonna be a big night.

But Billy's dad was
worried his son would gas

the place and send all
the big shot guests

running for their lives.

So Mr. Baxter sat Billy
down and made him an offer.

If Billy would not eat
beans at the dinner,

he'd get a brand
new dirt bike.

It was something Billy
wanted with all his heart.

You see, dirt biking was
something Billy could do

with the other kids, being
that you went dirt biking

outdoors.
Plenty of fresh air.

And if you got yourself
upwind of Billy

it was pretty bearable.

Well, the night of the dinner
Billy tried to be good.

But, they happen to
serve a lovely bean soufflé.

Billy couldn't resist.

One little bite.

What could that hurt?

But yummmm...

the bean soufflé
was irresistible.

Billy ate all of his...

and more.

When his dad turned
to greet the Mayor,

Billy ate his dad's soufflé.

Then he finished up
his mom's portion.

Like I said,
Billy looooved beans.

As soon as the
Mayor began his speech,

Billy's belly
started to rumble.

But he knew he had
to control himself.

There was the dirt
bike to think of.

And his father, who he
didn't want to embarrass

in front of the whole world.

So he sat as
stiff as he could,

not moving a muscle.

But the
rumbling got louder...

and louder.

Some people thought it
was thunder and went to the

windows to see if
it was raining.

Up on the stage,
Billy's dad could hear that

oh-so-familiar rumble.

Billy was
going to explode.

As hard as he tried, Billy
knew he couldn't fight the

forces of nature.

The Mayor called Mr.
Baxter to the podium

and they posed.

The TV news cameras rolled.

Which is exactly
when Billy blew.

The gas rushed out of
him like a jet engine.

Oh yeah, it was
lift off time.

Billy got launched.

He jetted around the
ballroom like you let the

air out of a balloon and
it goes out of control.

Well, there was Billy...

Woosh! BAM!
Into the Mayor.

Woosh! BAM!
Into the Mayor's wife.

Woosh! BAM!
Into the ice sculpture.

It looked like a hurricane
had barreled through.

Cops showed up.
The Fire Department.

And the Emergency
Hazardous Materials Unit

arrived to evacuate the
entire neighborhood.

That was a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine,

Billy Baxter, who
grew up to join

the Hazardous Materials Unit.

Oh sure, for all the
good work they do,

but more important, he
gets to wear one of those

completely sealed
bio hazard suits,

so he can eat as many
beans he wants and keep

the after-effect
all to himself.

Are you nuts?

You ordered a hundred
boxes of chicken nuggets.

A hundred boxes...

Why?

I wanted to answer a
question that's been bugging

me ever since I first
heard of chicken nuggets.

And the question is?

What part of the
chicken is the nugget?

This is a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine.

Well, two of them really.

Brothers.

Phil's eight and Ben's ten.

The trouble started when their
Uncle Harry came for a visit.

Phil and Ben's
dad told them,

whatever you do, Don't laugh
at Uncle Harry's toupee.

That's like saying,
Don't stare at the wart

on that lady's nose.

So when Uncle
Harry showed up,

the boys tried to look
at his big fat belly,

or his smelly
cigar, or whatever.

Anything but that
extra hunk of hair.

But the toupee was
hard not to stare at.

It looked like a
dead squirrel.

Now, Uncle Harry was one
of those uncles who doesn't

come around much and all
he remembers is his nephews

from when they were babies.

You know, he tells stupid
baby jokes and if you don't

laugh he tickles you till
you laugh so hard the milk

you just swallowed
shoots out your nose.

Uncle Harry even remembered
the time he changed

Phil's diaper like it
was some major event.

Oh yeah...

Uncle Harry along with all
the great things he believed

he was, thought he
was an animal expert.

He tried to teach Romeo,
that's the family dog,

how to stand up
and beg for a treat.

Romeo thought a family
dog should not have to beg.

So he ran out
his doggie door.

Uncle Harry said Romeo was
too dumb to learn tricks and

turned his attention
to Juliet, the cat.

Well, cats are not stupid when
it comes to big old blowhards.

She saw that gleam in Uncle
Harry's eye and bailed

right out after Romeo.

By then, Uncle Harry wore
himself out being so amusing

and decided to take a nap.

Now Romeo was as annoyed
with Uncle Harry as anyone.

And since the dog was
not a relative of Harry,

he didn't have to
be nice to him.

So while Harry was napping,
Romeo jumped in the window

and stole Uncle
Harry's toupee.

Luckily, Phil looked out the
window in time to see Romeo

take off down the street.

He got Ben and the boys
chased after the dog.

Romeo looked kind of silly,
running down the street with

this limp piece of black fur
hanging out of his mouth.

Like he was some kind of
hunting dog who just caught

something.

The chase went on
across back yards,

through parking lots and
even into the park where

Romeo tried to
hide behind a tree.

But another dog,
a much bigger dog,

wanted the tree for
his own personal use.

So Romeo was
off and running.

He took a sharp left
and scooted into

Mrs. Fiorello's back yard.

The boys ran past the house,
but then realized Romeo

must have pulled that
old trick of his...

Anyway, when the boys got
to the Fiorello's back yard,

there was Romeo,
wagging his little tail,

proud as could be,
sitting on a mound of dirt.

They knew right away it
was the toupee's grave

Romeo was sitting on.

Much to Romeo's
disappointment,

Phil and Ben dug up the
ratty hunk of fake hair.

It was even rattier
coming out of the ground

than it was going in.

It seems that Mrs. Fiorello
had done some natural

fertilizing of her lawn.

Natural. Like... it
really stunk... awful.

When the boys got
back to the house,

Uncle Harry was
still snoring away.

Phil and Ben tried to
wash the toupee by hand.

But to do that they would
have to touch all that

yuchy fertilizer
still stuck to it.

Yuck.

So they tossed it in
the washing machine.

Phil and Ben don't know
about Delicate cycles

and Permanent Press settings.

So after the machine
pounding and an hour in the

dryer, that toupee was
nothing but a naked piece of

tumble-dried hair net.

Dinner!
their dad announced.

Phil and Ben had to
think of something quick.

And they did.

When they all
sat down to dinner,

there was Uncle Harry,
looking as good as

Uncle Harry could look...

complete with
all his fake hair.

Like he didn't have a clue
his toupee had gone through

an obstacle course.

And everybody was once
again forcing themselves

to laugh at his bad jokes.

So Harry was pretty happy.

That is, until the boys' mom
came out with the main course,

a beautiful baked salmon.

That's when Juliet leaped
off Uncle Harry's head,

grabbed a hunk of salmon and
dove out the doggie door.

That was a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine...

actually two
friends, Phil and Ben,

who changed their Uncle
Harry's life forever.

He became a star, kind of,
when he got the lead part in

the Community House production
of The King and I.

[DISGUSTING EATING NOISES]

Last one.

LARRY:
All gone.

You just pulled one of
your dumbest stunts.

Now, are you satisfied?

MAURICE:
Just a minute.

[BURP]

Now I'm satisfied.

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