All language subtitles for Freaky Stories - 2x07 - Traders Court in the Act Furd and the VeeP Mooching Roommate_Legendas01.ENG

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Hey there.
How're you doin'?

Tonight, in between some
fabulous Freaky Stories,

we're gonna show you some
of our Freaky Bloopers.

Yeah, that's right,
we're not perfect.

So, uh here's one,
from the "dating" sketch.

Hey there, sugar.

[laughs]
I'm sorry.. I'm s--

CUT!
CUT!

ACTION!

[LAUGHS]
CUT! CUT!

I'm sorry..

Oh please, come on.

Maurice, what's
the matter with you!

[LAUGHS]

More bloopers,
after this Freaky Story.

This is a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine.

Ramon's Tortilla Stand stood
proudly in the shadow of a

pylon supporting
the new superhighway.

Its recent completion
had whisked away his once

prosperous business, taking
it to the new resort town

by the bay.

Ramon was a good man.

An honest man.

And he watched in
anguish as his staff,

once numbering
thirty-five proud employees,

dwindled down to
just he and Juan,

his not-too-bright assistant.

One day, as Juan, the
not-too-bright assistant

made a batch of tortillas,
a miracle happened.

One of the tortillas bore a
perfect image of "The King".

Was it the
consistency of the batter?

The arrangement of
bricks in the oven?

Or was it Juan, who could
never get the mix right?

No matter.

As word spread, people
flocked from miles around to

see the image of "The King"
baked into the 'holy tortilla'.

Ramon was agog.

Or was it aghast?

No matter.

Whatever the word,
Ramon couldn't believe

his good fortune.

People, who had once
forsaken Ramon's Tortilla

Stand for the new resort,
now sheepishly returned.

On nice days, it took hours
to reach the front of the

line and view the
'holy tortilla'.

And each and every
pilgrim bought a replica

holy-tortilla.

Ramon's fortunes grew.

He made so much money
that he began to renovate.

What was once a humble
tortilla stand was now a

wonderful tortilla shack.

Success brought
more success.

With Ramon's business
wizardry and Juan's

uh...experiments
in the kitchen,

the business grew from a
tortilla shack to a tortilla

hut and finally into a
fine tortilla restauranté.

And with each new success,
Ramon raised the prices.

But no matter: people were
coming to see "the shrine of

the holy tortilla" no
matter what the cost.

While Ramon greeted the
pilgrims and profited from

their success, poor Juan was
locked away in the kitchen.

Forgotten.

And he was so overworked.

Because Ramon wasn't going
to cut into his profits by

hiring extra help, Juan
began to make mistakes.

And one day, poor Juan,
not a rocket scientist

to begin with, slipped up.

Big time.

You see, Ramon
had become greedy.

So greedy in fact, that he
began to limit the times

that pilgrims could
view the holy tortilla.

He didn't want the filthy
'tortilla pilgrims' to

interfere with his fancy
dining room customers.

Replica 'holy tortillas'
didn't make as much profit

as Ramon's double enchilada
surprise dinner special.

So, during the 'dinner
hours' the 'holy tortilla'

was moved from its
impressive shrine in the

dining room to any
available spot in the back

of the kitchen.

Wherever there was room.

This arrangement kept the
dining room clear at meal

times and that was
very important to Ramon.

One day, a poor man
comes to the back door

of the restauranté.

He had no money, but was
begging for scraps to eat.

Juan, the not-too-bright
assistant looked around the

kitchen and seeing
nothing to give away,

asked Ramon's advice.

Ramon quickly looked around
and saw an old tortilla

lying on the counter.

It was dusty and very stale.

Certainly fit for a beggar.

"Give that to him,
and then send him away,

said Ramon.

"But...but..."
protested Juan.

"Give it to him, then
get him outa here!"

ordered Ramon, who then
stormed out of the kitchen.

Juan's "buts"
fell on deaf ears.

Juan went to the back door
and handed the tortilla

to the beggar.

"Thank you. Thank you very
much", said the beggar.

"Say," he asked, as
he turned to go,

the sunset bouncing off
his silver pilot framed

sunglasses, "You wouldn't
have any peanut butter and

'nannners to go
with that, would ya?

And that is how the holy
tortilla magically

left the building.

This is a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine.

But it is said that someday,

if we truly, truly believe...the
holy tortilla may return.

Here's my
favoritest blooper.

Okay,
well...I'll be seein' ya.

Yeah.
Hey, Maurice.

You want some custard?

Yeah, I want the custard.
-You want the custard?

Yeah, I want the custard.

Okay - Yiiiii!...

[LAUGHING]

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine...

Friday the Thirteenth
was a big night for

Steve and Larry.

'Cause that's when Channel
ninety-nine always ran a

Monster Marathon...non-stop
spooks, dusk útill dawn.

This Friday the Thirteenth
was even more special,

because Channel ninety-nine
was running an

"All-Mummy Marathon".

Steve and Larry
were excited,

because the Mummy was their
favourite movie monster.

I never really
bought into the Mummy,

all moldy and
shambling around,

trying to do whatever it
was that Mummies did

when they caught you.

And that was
the other thing.

In all those
old Mummy movies,

there'd be the Mummy,
lurching along dragging his

rotten leg behind.

Step...Draaag...Step...Draaag...

And the pretty girl, usually
some B-Movie starlet that

you'd never heard of, would
be running away from him

like an Olympic sprinter...

And he'd always
CATCH her!...

And carry her back to his
tomb to make her his bride.

Like I said, I never
personally saw the

attraction of Mummy movies,
but Steve and Larry

were nuts about them.

So anyhow...the highlight of
'The Mummy Marathon' was at

two o'clock in the morning,
when Cannel ninety-nine ran

"The Mummy's Curse".

Now this was widely
acknowledged by Mummy

aficionados as the
best of the Mummy movies.

I mean, aside from the
original 1932 "Mummy"

starring Boris
Karloff.

In this one, an Egyptian priest

summons the Mummy
by brewing nine

tanna leaves by the
light of a full moon.

So, it was two
thirty in the morning,

during a commercial.

And Steve said
to Larry: "Hey!

There's a full
moon out tonight.

Let's try it!

Let's brew nine
tanna leaves."

But I guess Steve's mom
was out of tanna leaves.

Would regular tea do?

They popped nine plain old
tea bags into the pot

and poured the boiling
water over it.

And waited.

And waited.

But they got tired of
waiting and went back in to

watch the rest of the movie.

Larry turned to
Steve and said,

"You hear what I hear?"

They ran out the front door
and there...coming out of

the fog at the end of the
street was...the Mummy!

And it was heading
straight for them!

It was only then that they
realized that they didn't

know how you got rid of
a Mummy after you'd

summoned him.

"Good thing it's moving
slower than the movie."

So they ran back in,
just in time to catch

the end credits.

Uh-oh...Dad was gonna
kill them,

if the Mummy didn't first.

How do ya kill a Mummy?
How do ya kill a Mummy?

"Silver
bullets!", shouted Steve.

"That's for
Werewolves", cried Larry.

"Wait!

What about a stake
through the heart?"

"Nope...Vampires.

Anyway, he's rotting,
I ain't touching him."

"Mummy's don't like
cats 'cause they're..."

"Allergic?"

"No doink, 'cause they're
the gate-keepers of the

underworld!"

They were sure
that would do it.

Now the Mummy was gonna
turn around and head back

where it came from.

Problem was...it didn't.

Step,
draggg...step, draggg...

They had to think fast.

The Mummy was getting closer.

He was at the bottom
of the driveway.

"Quick!
Get the hose!"

"The what?"

"The hose, you doink!
Don'cha get it?

He's all dust and bandages!

We're gonna
make Mummy Maché!"

Steve stuck his thumb
in the end of the hose,

while Larry put a kink in
it to hold back the water.

They waited útil they
could see the whites of

his...uh...bandages.

Then they let'er rip.

The water blasted
that stinkin' Mummy.

There was dust and
bandages flying everywhere.

Looked like a snowstorm as
it rained down on them

that summer night.

They did it!
They were heroes!

They killed the Mummy!

Hey, it's a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine.

Oh yeah, and the next day
Mrs. Melnick from next door

showed up with a policeman.

She was filing a complaint
against Steve and Larry for

toilet-papering her
house and garden.

We'll have more bloopers
after this Freaky Story...

[GRUNT]

What the heck
are you doin'?

You were
supposed to go left!

This is a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine.

Mousey Marg, a school
librarian who only ever had

a date on like,
birthdays or Christmas.

And they didn't call her
Mousey Marg for nothing.

I always thought a little
lipstick or make-up might

help, but then again,
she was a librarian.

Every year, the school had a
fundraiser and she would run

the book sale.

So she was out driving
around collecting books -

as if there aren't
enough books already...

Anyway, she had the
worst sense of direction.

I mean, she couldn't even
find her way to the school

washroom and she'd been
working there for eight

years or something.

So Marg got lost in
some little town.

She turned a corner and
right there in front of her

was this weird old
occult bookshop.

It was pretty creepy but
a) she needed directions

and b) maybe they'd give her
some books for the book fair.

So Marg went inside.

From down there
on the floor,

all Marg could see was
two legs eerily backlit

coming toward her.

It was this
crazy looking woman.

She called herself Gladys.

But it turns out Gladys
was really happy to see

someone...anyone, even if
they'd just scared her cat

nearly to death.

She told Marg she
didn't get many visitors,

but Marg wasn't really
listening because she

couldn't take her eyes off
that eerie glow coming from

the back room.

Gladys told Marg that
that was her crystal ball.

It seemed that Gladys was a
fortuneteller on the side.

Then she asked Marg if
she'd like her fortune told.

Gladys got all weird and
stuff from the crystal ball

and Marg was like, dying to
know whatever the crystal

ball has to say.

Gladys said she's gotta
get those doors fixed one of

these days and
sat back down.

Then, back at the crystal
ball and back in her trance,

she predicted that Marg
would meet the man of her

dreams, you know, the tall
dark stranger sorta thing.

But Gladys said that he's
not a stranger but he does

have dark hair and that
Marg already knows him.

Well, Marg went nuts because
she hadn't had a date in

like, a hundred years and
every guy in the world is

either married or
a complete goof.

Gladys got all solemn and
told Marg that she herself

had once met her soul
mate and had a passionate

romance, but he was lost
at sea many years before.

Marg swore that now she'd
look at the guys she knows

with an open heart.

The next day, the mailman,
who looked really sharp in

his uniform, arrived
and handed Marg

a fistful of bills.

No, not him.

Then Marg took her precious
little Zippy to the vet and

he really loves animals,
but Zippy nearly

scratched his eyes out.

No, wasn't him either.

Then Marg visited
her local fishmonger,

Clayton...who's
really hot, by the way.

He offered her a sample of
his homemade crab cakes.

Okay, why not?

She bit into one and WOW!

Her taste buds just freaked.

She'd never tasted anything
so great or seen anyone so,

well, hot.

It's like she'd noticing for
the first time how beauteous

and swarthy and
how kinda well,

hot he was.

And he even had
this cool gold tooth.

Turned out Clayton thought
Marg was pretty hot too,

so they go out on a few dates
and fell madly in love.

Next thing you
know, they got married!

After a while of
delirious happiness,

Marg remembered Gladys -
the old fortuneteller.

She didn't know that her
prediction actually came true!

Marg decided to pay Gladys a
little visit and she took a

batch of crab
cakes as a, y'know,

'thanks for my
fabulous life' kinda thing.

After all, the crab
cakes were what brought them

together in the first place.

Gladys was happy to
hear Marg's great news,

but not too surprised,
'cause she fancied herself a

pretty
incredible fortuneteller.

Marg offered
her a crab cake,

made by none other
than her new gorgeous,

fantastic husband.

Gladys took a bite
and just like that,

her face went whites.

Marg thought she was
having a conniption fit or,

or thought she'd maybe
poisoned her or something.

"There's only one man in the
world who makes crab cakes

this good," cried Gladys.

Marg's Clayton was actually
Gladys' Clayton...

her long-lost-at-sea true love!

This is a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine.

Marg and Clayton are still
happily ever after and stuff.

But Gladys got her
revenge...she's a millionaire!

She figured out the recipe
for the crab cakes and now

she owns 'Gladys' Crab
Cakes To Go' franchises

all over the world.

And yet, another blooper.

And this one
was not my fault.

Hi there. I'd like to introduce
my sidekick, Maurice.

Hello, Larry.

You know, a funny thing happened
to me on the way to the show.

CUT! CUT! CUT!

I'd like to introduce
my sidekick, Maurice.

Hi everybody.

You know, a
funny thing hap...

CUT! CUT!

Oh man.
That's disgusting!

What is it?

This is a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine.

Clem was a tour
guide, down under,

in Australia.

Now, when you
think of Australia,

you probably think of macho
men with corks hanging off

their hats, hassling
sheilas and wrassling crocs,

but Clem's not like that.

Just didn't
inherit the genes.

Actually Clem's
a bit of a goof,

well okay, a real goof,
but the lad can't help it.

And not a lot of luck
with the ladies either.

Clem could never win
a round with a gator,

but he could pin a
koala in ten seconds flat.

Anyway, as an
Aussie tour guide,

Clem takes tourists from all
over the planet in his jeep

and shows them the wonders
of this rough and beautiful

country: Ayre's
Rock, dingos,

diggeree-doos, you name it.

One day, he picked up
a family of Brits:

Mum, Dad (real yahoos who like
nothing better than a pot of

tea and a raunchy joke).

But Clem's put
up with worse,

he'd just grin and bear it.

The fact they had a
knockdown drop-dead gorgeous

daughter didn't hurt.

Well, for Clem, it was
love at first sight.

And for Lisa, well,
her loser radar

nearly blew off the scale.

But hey, all's
fair in love and war,

and Clem was ready for
battle - to win this pretty

little sheila's heart.

So Clem pulled
out all the stops.

Caught a lizard for
her, tried to surf,

even took them to see
some ancient aboriginal

cave drawings.

Mum and Dad are
real impressed,

but Lisa?

No go schmoe.

She won't even talk to him.

A right real snob, that one.

But as I say, Clem's a
fighter and that night,

as he threw another
shrimp on the barbie,

he got a great idea.

He convinced Mum and Dad to
take a special four wheel

drive adventure
deep into the outback.

See some kangaroos!

Just the four of them.

Of course, the parents
accepted...nothing they'd

like better than a photo
op with a kangaroo -

much to Lisa's horror.

They started off bright and
early the next morning

in Clem's jeep.

Off they went, deep
into the rocky outback.

Unfortunately,
there's not a roo in sight.

Dad started to complain, but
Clem patiently assured them

they'd soon be
surrounded by herds of them.

Lisa's in the back
seat, of course,

so Clem spent a lot of
time looking in the rearview

instead of where he's
going and eventually...BANG!

"Not to worry, not to worry,
happens all the time."

Clem insisted the family
stay in the car out of the

sun, while he,
all manly like,

started changing the
wheel like an old pro.

Now, Clem was on his knees,
screwing in the bolts and he

gets up to give
a wink to Lisa,

when staring him in the face
across the jeep's hood

was the big hairy
mug of a kangaroo.

Both of them let out
a bit of a shriek,

and they both keeled over.

Now Mum and Dad piled out
of the jeep and stood around

the kangaroo, poking it
to see if it's alive.

"Looks like you've
given him a heart attack!"

laughed Dad.

Lisa recoiled, horrified.

Clem, desperate to make
the best of the situation,

agreed.

What a photo op!

Clem propped up the poor
beast against the jeep

and Dad pulled out the camera
and handed it to Clem.

"Just like my best mate!"
crowed Dad.

"Let's get your
sunglasses on him Clem."

Lisa just
stewed in the jeep.

But Clem's a
fighter, remember?

So when Dad figured Clem's
jacket would make the pic

even better, Clem obliged,
hoping this would make Lisa

laugh, a little at least.

But Lisa?

She thought it
was disgusting.

Suddenly the roo
gave his head a shake,

and bounced away, still
wearing Clem's jacket

and shades.

Could it be?
For once, Clem's victorious.

Lisa laughed and
laughed - music to his ears!

He finally had a
chance with her.

That is, until Clem realized
the keys to the jeep were in

the jacket and the kanga
was now a bouncing speck

on the horizon!

This is a true story.

It happened to a
friend of a friend of mine.

It was a remarkably long
hot walk home and Clem

never saw his
beloved Lisa again.

I hear they didn't
even tip him either.

And next time Clem saw those
cave drawings he noticed

something he'd
never seen before.

Here's one from
Joliette, Quebec.

Claude writes; Dear Larry,
do you know if there's

life on Mars?

Well Claude, we're
gonna find out right now.

Come on!

Wow!
You're right.

I see a cockroach. He's very
far away - teeny-tiny...

That's me, you idiot!

You're looking
through the wrong end!

Here.

Ugh, there.

Now look out the window
- come on. Whadya see?

Yeah, yeah.

I see that lady bug
in the flower shop

across the street...

UP! UP! Maurice, up!
Look up at the sky.

[GASP]
You're right.

There is life on Mars.

But it's the
strangest, weirdest,

ugliest life I've ever seen.

Let me look at this!

Take a look!

[GASP]

Oh my gosh!

This is disgusting.

Now you folks at home.

If you don't have
a strong stomach,

don't look...

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