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- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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[EERIE KEYBOARD MUSIC PLAYING]
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[TINA] Louise Belcher,
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the myth, the legend, the fourth grader.
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And just possibly, the
best archer in the world?
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I first encountered her online,
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performing incredible trick shots,
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and I was like, "Whoa."
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[YELPS]
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[TINA] With millions of views
and a rapidly growing fan base,
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00:00:55,939 --> 00:00:58,178
this Internet hotshot is right on target
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to become the most famous
archer on the planet.
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In her most-watched
video by far, she performs
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this near-miracle of
a shot, which she calls
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"The Off-the-Wall
Flipparoo How-Do-You-Do."
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Oh, wow.
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[TINA] But for many of us captivated
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by her amazing talent,
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the question remains:
"Who is Louise Belcher,
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and how is she so good?" which
is actually two questions.
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Louise works here, with her parents,
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in this dingy diner in
a shabby seaside town.
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Our documentary crew...
who is unrelated to her
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in any way because
she is an only child...
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visited her here, to see firsthand
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how Louise is able to pull
off her incredible shots,
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and to learn more about
the woman behind the bow.
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Or bow-hind, um, if you will.
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Before I was a world-class
archer... not my words,
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just repeating what I see
in the comments on my videos.
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Anyway, before all that,
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I was, and still am, just
a girl whose family runs
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a weird-smelling burger restaurant.
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[TINA] [SNIFFS] Yeah, I'm
getting that. Is that normal?
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It's normal, but it's not on purpose.
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But yeah, even though now I'm famous
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and people everywhere envy
me, I lead a humble life.
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I go to school, I work here,
I refill ketchups and mustards.
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I don't mind the ketchups,
but I'm not a mustard person.
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And I don't respect people who are.
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- [GAGS]
- So interesting.
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Anyway, back to archery.
How'd you get into it?
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My mom and dad bought me
an archery set as a present.
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It's kind of the best thing
they've ever done for me.
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They finally figured out
how to be good parents,
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and I'm proud of them for that.
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We told her, "Please never
shoot it in the apartment,
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or the restaurant."
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I-I don't know why we
aren't enforcing that rule.
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I think it's fun.
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I like a little indoor
restaurant archery.
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That's our thing now.
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- And burgers. Also, burgers.
- Mm.
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[TINA] So how long have
you been archery-ing now?
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Oh, gosh. Huh.
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Ba-ba-ba, hmm. A month, at least?
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And you're already so good. Wow.
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Wait, Gene, let me
give you another "wow."
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Wow. Okay, yeah, let's use that one.
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That's for the documentary
about this documentary.
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Everyone's doing those now.
It's called a "double-doc."
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Or a "tur-doc-en."
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[GENE] I call it a
"stalk-u- docu-rockumentary"
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for reasons that will
become clear when I release
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my rock-opera podcast about
the making of this doc.
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Have I properly introduced my bow?
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- This is Greta Gar-bow.
- [TINA] Yes, you have
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introduced us to Greta. A few times.
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- We've got enough of that.
- Do you want me to do
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- a cool slow-motion walk again?
- No, I think we're good.
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You know we actually do
the slow-mo in editing.
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You don't have to walk that slow.
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- Right. Right.
- [GENE] I liked it.
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[TINA] Also, this is our
third day of shooting,
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and we already have so
much footage of you walking
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and talking about your
bow and to your bow.
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But she's so strong and pretty.
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What? Oh, sorry.
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She's strong and pretty
and thoughtful and funny.
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Okay, maybe we get some shots
of you actually shooting?
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Finally? Not to be pushy,
but let's definitely do that.
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Okay, sure, but you've got
the videos I made, right?
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The ones that everyone
on the Internet loves?
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Maybe you can just use those?
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- Yeah, that's not gonna...
- Also... [SIGHS]
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my arm is feeling kind of creaky today.
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I, uh, hurt it doing
homework last night.
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- I should probably cut that out.
- [LINDA] No.
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Yep, yep, uh-huh, no
problem, just, uh...
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we seem to be shooting a
documentary about an archer
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and we have no archery shots.
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Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool.
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[GENE] Maybe if I do a lot
of zooms, nobody will notice?
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LIKE THIS: whoa, whoa,
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- whoa, whoa.
- [BANGING ON DOOR]
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[MOANS]
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Oh, it's Teddy. Hi, Teddy. It's locked.
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We're closed, Teddy.
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- Does he look weird to you?
- [MOANING]
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[LINDA] Not too much
more weird than usual.
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Teddy, we're closed. We're cleaning up.
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[MOANING]
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[GENE] He's hangry.
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[TINA] Well, we can't
film with all this noise.
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Should we tell him he has
to leave? He won't like it.
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I don't know if he knows
there's other restaurants.
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[TINA] What's wrong with him?
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Should I shoot some of this as B-roll?
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We already got so much of
this guy eating earlier,
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but I guess it's something.
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Oh, hey, Teddy. I think they're closed.
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Judging by the closed sign. [CHUCKLES]
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- [TEDDY GROWLS]
- [LINDA] Oh, God!
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- [SCREAMING]
- [BOB] Teddy!
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What are you doing? Stop eating Mort.
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- He's never done that before, has he?
- No.
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I mean, he did growl
at Mort that one time
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- for sitting on his stool.
- [TINA] Oh, my God.
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Is he undead? Is he a zombie?
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Oh, no, more zombies! It
must be a zombie apocalypse!
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[LINDA] Aw, nuts.
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[GENE] Ugh, and I'm wearing this?
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[TINA] Yeah, this could
be very not good for us.
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But, I mean, if it's gonna happen,
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we're in the safest spot we
could be because we're with
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one of the best archers in the world.
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[GENE] Who? Oh, right, Louise.
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The one we're doing
the documentary about.
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- [TINA] Yeah.
- Oh, yeah, we're so safe.
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00:04:56,084 --> 00:04:59,387
- Phew, am I right? [CHUCKLES]
- [TINA] Yeah. [CHUCKLES]
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- So, so safe.
- Uh-huh.
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Yep. Yep. Yep.
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Should we cut the cameras?
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Focus on surviving this whole deal?
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Cut the cameras? Are you crazy?
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A zombie apocalypse is exactly
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what this snoozer of a doc needed.
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Now we can get you shooting
all the zombies with arrows,
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saving our lives and stuff.
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I mean, I'm sorry that
Mort guy got eaten.
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00:05:15,520 --> 00:05:18,323
Sorry, Mort guy. But, you know,
he's gonna be in a movie, so...
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- Uh-huh. Gr-Great.
- [GENE] Should I keep rolling?
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Yes, keep rolling. But don't get eaten.
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But if you do get eaten, you
know, try to keep rolling.
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- Safely.
- Sounds good.
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Okay, fine, but we don't know
what's going on out there.
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This might not even be zombies.
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This could be, like,
rabies or something.
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- Brains.
- [TINA] Pretty sure he just said "brains."
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Okay, so they're zombies.
Clearly, this is zombies.
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- [LINDA] Yep. - [BOB] Yeah.
- Seems like it is.
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Poor Mort. Poor Teddy.
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Uh, might be poor us, too.
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I'm feeling like this
glass is not zombie-proof.
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[TINA] It's pretty thick, right?
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- [MOANING]
- [GLASS CRACKS]
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- Oh, my God.
- [TINA] Sorry.
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I guess not so thick.
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00:05:51,139 --> 00:05:53,459
- [POUNDING ON GLASS]
- [GENE] Ooh, that beat's funky.
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[GENE BEATBOXING]
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♪ Dugga-dugga, dugga-dugga,
dugga-dugga-do... ♪
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Go away, zombies. Nobody wants you here.
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What do we do? Cover the windows?
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Barricade ourselves in?
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- What can we use?
- [LINDA] Burgers?
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00:06:06,862 --> 00:06:08,465
- [ALL] What?
- Fine. Buns?
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00:06:08,490 --> 00:06:10,241
- Uh, tables?
- [TINA] That's a great idea.
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00:06:10,266 --> 00:06:13,136
Right. Yes, uh, that's fine.
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Uh, let's take apart the tables,
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because it's a zombie apocalypse.
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[LOUISE] Yeah, Dad, we're
taking apart the tables.
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[BOB] No, I know, I know.
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I-I'm just, it's... it's a lot.
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00:06:21,169 --> 00:06:22,954
But, uh, okay, let's do it.
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00:06:22,979 --> 00:06:24,514
Too bad we can't hire Teddy to help us.
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- Brains.
- What do you say, Teddy,
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00:06:25,873 --> 00:06:27,626
- one last handyman job?
- Brains!
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00:06:27,651 --> 00:06:29,352
- Nope.
- We'll figure it out.
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00:06:29,377 --> 00:06:31,530
We'll use kitchen utensils as tools?
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00:06:31,555 --> 00:06:32,789
[GENE] Great idea.
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♪ ♪
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Brains!
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00:06:54,002 --> 00:06:55,802
[GENE] That seems like
enough barricading.
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00:06:55,827 --> 00:06:57,559
You don't want to over-barricade.
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00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,305
I don't hear anything.
I think they left.
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00:06:59,330 --> 00:07:01,516
And if zombies do get
in, Louise will protect us
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00:07:01,541 --> 00:07:03,042
with her amazing archery skills.
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00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:06,187
Yeah, but we really don't
know how to kill them yet.
189
00:07:06,212 --> 00:07:08,081
Maybe they love being shot by arrows.
190
00:07:08,106 --> 00:07:10,286
Maybe it's like a
deep-tissue massage for them.
191
00:07:10,311 --> 00:07:12,856
[TINA] Oh, no, isn't there a back
door? Should we barricade that?
192
00:07:12,881 --> 00:07:14,788
It's steel, a-and locked. I checked it.
193
00:07:14,888 --> 00:07:17,257
This is the only way in here.
And we do have food and water.
194
00:07:17,282 --> 00:07:20,335
We should be okay. As long as
we don't have to open this up.
195
00:07:20,360 --> 00:07:22,562
- [POUNDING ON DOOR]
- [RUDY] Open up! Open up!
196
00:07:22,587 --> 00:07:24,573
- [BOB] Oh. - Rudy?
- [ANDY/OLLIE] Let us in!
197
00:07:24,598 --> 00:07:26,400
[LOUISE] Andy and
Ollie? Are you zombies?
198
00:07:26,425 --> 00:07:28,876
- No! We're running from them!
- Ugh.
199
00:07:28,901 --> 00:07:30,537
We just finished boarding this up.
200
00:07:30,562 --> 00:07:31,946
Tell them to run to the back door.
201
00:07:31,971 --> 00:07:33,573
- You there?
- [RUDY] We're here!
202
00:07:33,598 --> 00:07:34,809
- [LOUISE] He's there.
- Wait, but what if
203
00:07:34,833 --> 00:07:35,910
there are zombies eating him?
204
00:07:35,934 --> 00:07:37,419
That's why I got the frying pan.
205
00:07:37,444 --> 00:07:38,879
If there's zombies, I'll pan 'em.
206
00:07:38,904 --> 00:07:40,547
Why don't you show us on Dad
what you're gonna do to them?
207
00:07:40,571 --> 00:07:42,148
- I was gonna go like this.
- Ow.
208
00:07:42,173 --> 00:07:43,317
- And then I was gonna come down hard.
- Lin.
209
00:07:43,341 --> 00:07:44,342
- What?
- Stop.
210
00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:46,828
Everybody ready? One, two, three.
211
00:07:46,853 --> 00:07:47,887
- Thank you!
- Thank you!
212
00:07:47,912 --> 00:07:49,347
[TINA] Any zombies out there?
213
00:07:49,523 --> 00:07:50,924
[BOB] I don't see any.
214
00:07:50,949 --> 00:07:52,985
All right, let's lock this back up.
215
00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:54,528
[MOANING]
216
00:07:54,553 --> 00:07:56,154
[TINA] Holy crap. Who is that?
217
00:07:56,221 --> 00:07:58,440
[ANDY] That's our brother.
He wants to eat us.
218
00:07:58,465 --> 00:08:00,400
- He's a zombie now.
- He sure is.
219
00:08:00,425 --> 00:08:01,943
We're gonna be Dad's new favorites.
220
00:08:01,968 --> 00:08:03,603
- Dad's dead.
- Oh, yeah.
221
00:08:03,628 --> 00:08:04,979
[MOANING]
222
00:08:05,004 --> 00:08:06,739
- [TINA] Damn.
- [BOB] Uh, closing this.
223
00:08:06,764 --> 00:08:08,032
- Uh-huh.
- [BOB] Tina.
224
00:08:08,072 --> 00:08:09,417
- Mmm.
- Tina.
225
00:08:09,442 --> 00:08:12,545
Okay, so, we're in a
zombie apocalypse situation.
226
00:08:12,570 --> 00:08:14,323
And we're not sure how to kill them.
227
00:08:14,348 --> 00:08:15,782
Some of us say arrows.
228
00:08:15,807 --> 00:08:18,092
Some of us are weirdly insistent
that it might not be arrows.
229
00:08:18,117 --> 00:08:20,086
But I feel like we
should give it a shot,
230
00:08:20,111 --> 00:08:21,630
so to speak. [CHUCKLES]
231
00:08:21,655 --> 00:08:23,523
I'm freaking out. I don't want to die.
232
00:08:23,548 --> 00:08:25,726
Or un-die. How long do
we have to stay here?
233
00:08:25,751 --> 00:08:28,119
- What if we run out of food?
- We're in a restaurant, Rudy.
234
00:08:28,219 --> 00:08:30,774
My mom and dad are making
all of us burgers right now.
235
00:08:30,799 --> 00:08:31,698
Oh. Hi.
236
00:08:31,723 --> 00:08:33,309
- Hi.
- Okay, I'm cool.
237
00:08:33,334 --> 00:08:36,403
I am the cool guy you do not
regret letting in. [CHUCKLES]
238
00:08:36,428 --> 00:08:37,939
- Great.
- Oh, my God, what's that smell?!
239
00:08:37,963 --> 00:08:39,273
That's just the way
our restaurant smells.
240
00:08:39,297 --> 00:08:41,550
Okay. That's fine. That's
great. I'm doing good.
241
00:08:41,575 --> 00:08:42,976
[OLLIE] My poor sweet Andy.
242
00:08:43,001 --> 00:08:44,920
- You got bit.
- Just a little.
243
00:08:44,945 --> 00:08:46,847
Am I gonna turn into a zombie?
244
00:08:46,872 --> 00:08:48,873
If you do, promise to bite me first,
245
00:08:48,898 --> 00:08:50,884
- and then we'll both be zombies.
- Ooh.
246
00:08:50,909 --> 00:08:52,644
And if anyone asks about the bite,
247
00:08:52,669 --> 00:08:54,755
we'll just say that
you work in construction
248
00:08:54,780 --> 00:08:56,211
and it's a hazard of the job.
249
00:08:56,236 --> 00:08:57,824
- He works in construction!
- I work in construction!
250
00:08:57,849 --> 00:09:00,034
- It's a hazard of the job!
- It's a real job that I have!
251
00:09:00,059 --> 00:09:01,995
- [GENE] Okay, bros.
- [OBJECTS CRASHING]
252
00:09:02,020 --> 00:09:03,655
[BOB] Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.
253
00:09:03,722 --> 00:09:06,166
[TINA] How did they break through
that? We did such good barricading.
254
00:09:06,190 --> 00:09:07,902
[GENE] It's like the
zombies don't even appreciate
255
00:09:07,926 --> 00:09:09,428
how long it took us to do all that.
256
00:09:09,453 --> 00:09:11,004
[LINDA] Kids, go to the basement!
257
00:09:11,029 --> 00:09:12,406
There's some crap down
there that we can use
258
00:09:12,430 --> 00:09:14,086
to reinforce this, I think.
259
00:09:14,111 --> 00:09:16,676
There's, uh, an old mop and,
uh, a lot of toilet paper.
260
00:09:16,701 --> 00:09:18,470
What are we gonna do with toilet paper?
261
00:09:18,537 --> 00:09:20,081
- I don't know.
- [GENE] TP their houses?
262
00:09:20,105 --> 00:09:22,107
I'll go. Rudy, Andy,
Ollie, come with me.
263
00:09:22,140 --> 00:09:24,075
- [BOTH] Yay!
- [RUDY] Wow, you're excited.
264
00:09:24,109 --> 00:09:25,861
- We like going places.
- I get it.
265
00:09:25,886 --> 00:09:27,120
[TINA] Gene, go with them.
266
00:09:27,145 --> 00:09:29,247
Help, but keep filming.
Uh, but also, help.
267
00:09:29,272 --> 00:09:30,473
Filming is helping.
268
00:09:30,498 --> 00:09:32,859
Grab anything you can.
269
00:09:32,884 --> 00:09:34,018
[STRAINS]
270
00:09:34,043 --> 00:09:36,329
[MOANING]
271
00:09:36,354 --> 00:09:39,599
Andy, what's wrong? Is
your zombie bite acting up?
272
00:09:39,624 --> 00:09:41,275
Zombie bite? Did you say "zombie bite"?
273
00:09:41,300 --> 00:09:43,903
I said "construction site
injury." That's what I said.
274
00:09:43,928 --> 00:09:46,110
Uh, it sounded like
you said "zombie bite."
275
00:09:46,135 --> 00:09:47,106
I heard that, too.
276
00:09:47,131 --> 00:09:49,567
- Well, that's ridiculous.
- I think it's happening!
277
00:09:49,592 --> 00:09:50,743
[MOANING]
278
00:09:50,768 --> 00:09:52,104
[LOUISE] Oh, crap.
279
00:09:52,129 --> 00:09:54,281
- [GENE SCREAMS]
- Let's go, let's go, let's go!
280
00:09:54,306 --> 00:09:56,808
- Uh-huh.
- [GENE] Yep, yep.
281
00:09:56,874 --> 00:09:58,243
Brains!
282
00:09:58,343 --> 00:10:01,929
Is that a-a fun nickname,
'cause you think I'm smart?
283
00:10:01,954 --> 00:10:03,256
Brains!
284
00:10:03,281 --> 00:10:05,367
Yep. Ow! I love you.
285
00:10:05,392 --> 00:10:08,027
Ow! Love you. Ow! Not the ears.
286
00:10:08,052 --> 00:10:10,221
[MOANING]
287
00:10:11,131 --> 00:10:12,365
[STRAINING]
288
00:10:12,390 --> 00:10:14,001
Okay, basement is off-limits now.
289
00:10:14,026 --> 00:10:16,828
We locked it, but yeah,
two small zombies in there.
290
00:10:17,071 --> 00:10:19,974
So how's it going here?
291
00:10:21,875 --> 00:10:23,543
- It's going really well.
- Yep.
292
00:10:23,568 --> 00:10:25,743
Louise, do something,
with the pointy sticks
293
00:10:25,768 --> 00:10:27,580
that you can shoot really
fast through the air.
294
00:10:27,605 --> 00:10:28,973
That would be helpful.
295
00:10:29,115 --> 00:10:30,651
Uh... [GRUNTS]
296
00:10:30,676 --> 00:10:32,210
- Salt?
- I don't know!
297
00:10:32,235 --> 00:10:33,286
- Ow.
- Pepper?
298
00:10:33,311 --> 00:10:34,935
- I don't know.
- Mustard?
299
00:10:34,960 --> 00:10:37,863
Stop judging the things
we're throwing at zombies!
300
00:10:38,517 --> 00:10:39,384
[WAILING]
301
00:10:39,409 --> 00:10:40,945
- [LOUISE] Ha!
- [TINA] Huh.
302
00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:42,047
[RUDY] Zombies don't like mustard.
303
00:10:42,071 --> 00:10:43,006
Of course they don't. Who does?
304
00:10:43,031 --> 00:10:44,315
[BOB] Mustard is great.
305
00:10:44,340 --> 00:10:46,309
Don't start this argument again, Louise.
306
00:10:46,334 --> 00:10:48,422
- Agree to disagree.
- [LINDA] I hate to interrupt,
307
00:10:48,447 --> 00:10:50,797
but I think you kids
should make a run for it.
308
00:10:50,822 --> 00:10:52,690
Oh. Yeah. Uh, okay.
309
00:10:52,715 --> 00:10:55,168
Uh, your mom and I are
gonna stay here and, uh,
310
00:10:55,193 --> 00:10:57,862
hold these guys off,
and we-we got this.
311
00:10:57,887 --> 00:11:01,858
Uh, this is no problem, but
you should all go, really fast.
312
00:11:01,924 --> 00:11:03,668
Well, what about my really
cool mustard breakthrough?
313
00:11:03,692 --> 00:11:05,795
- Too many zombies.
- [GENE] TMZ.
314
00:11:05,862 --> 00:11:07,473
[STRAINS] But it was a
really good breakthrough.
315
00:11:07,497 --> 00:11:10,417
Go! Maybe out the back
door and make a run for it!
316
00:11:10,442 --> 00:11:11,809
Oh! The fire escape.
317
00:11:11,834 --> 00:11:13,177
Back door, get on the dumpster,
318
00:11:13,202 --> 00:11:14,780
get to the ladder of
the fire escape somehow,
319
00:11:14,804 --> 00:11:17,206
lower it, get everybody up
and then pull it back up?
320
00:11:17,306 --> 00:11:19,054
[GENE] Can you
write all that down for us?
321
00:11:19,079 --> 00:11:21,210
- What? Uh, no.
- Everyone, just go.
322
00:11:21,243 --> 00:11:24,055
Go now. And, uh, we'll,
uh, we'll meet you up there.
323
00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:26,149
- Okay, Louise?
- Huh. Huh. Huh.
324
00:11:26,182 --> 00:11:28,301
- Oh, boy.
- Sounds like a lot of climbing,
325
00:11:28,326 --> 00:11:29,527
but all right.
326
00:11:29,552 --> 00:11:31,788
Okay. We'll see you guys up there.
327
00:11:31,855 --> 00:11:32,955
- [BOB] Yep.
- Uh-huh.
328
00:11:33,022 --> 00:11:34,390
- [TINA] We have to go now!
- Okay.
329
00:11:34,490 --> 00:11:35,770
[LINDA] But if we're not up soon,
330
00:11:35,825 --> 00:11:38,556
don't go to bed too late,
and stay out of my room.
331
00:11:38,581 --> 00:11:40,396
Hey, watch it!
332
00:11:40,421 --> 00:11:42,790
[TINA] Wait for me!
333
00:11:44,741 --> 00:11:45,609
I'll climb up.
334
00:11:45,634 --> 00:11:47,112
Someone else, come up
and get on my shoulders.
335
00:11:47,136 --> 00:11:48,514
Do you know how to lower the ladder?
336
00:11:48,538 --> 00:11:49,682
[LOUISE] Of course I do. Do you know
337
00:11:49,706 --> 00:11:51,049
how many fires we've had in our house?
338
00:11:51,073 --> 00:11:52,275
- A lot.
- [GENE] Good for you?
339
00:11:52,342 --> 00:11:54,282
Maybe hurry? Just to try that?
340
00:11:54,307 --> 00:11:56,134
- Get on my back.
- [GRUNTING]
341
00:11:57,622 --> 00:11:59,390
- Uh, hurry, hurry.
- [GENE] Yes, please.
342
00:11:59,415 --> 00:12:00,592
[LOUISE] Going as fast as we can.
343
00:12:00,616 --> 00:12:03,136
- Yep. Mm-hmm. Yep.
- [LOUISE GRUNTS]
344
00:12:03,161 --> 00:12:04,896
- Okay, I'm up.
- Climb up here.
345
00:12:04,921 --> 00:12:06,789
- Ladder?
- [LOUISE] Watch out.
346
00:12:06,856 --> 00:12:08,300
Thanks for the heads-up,
right after it happened.
347
00:12:08,324 --> 00:12:11,110
- [STRAINS]
- [LOUISE] Quick, quick, quick!
348
00:12:11,135 --> 00:12:12,903
- Come on, Gene.
- [RUDY] Oh, boy.
349
00:12:12,928 --> 00:12:14,914
- [WHIMPERING]
- [SHOUTS]
350
00:12:14,939 --> 00:12:16,608
- They got me!
- [TINA] Louise, shoot him!
351
00:12:16,633 --> 00:12:19,023
- Shoot me? Why?
- Not you! The zombie!
352
00:12:19,048 --> 00:12:20,995
[TINA] Louise, shoot the
zombie with your bow and arrow!
353
00:12:21,036 --> 00:12:23,016
Oh, yeah, I'd be into that.
354
00:12:23,041 --> 00:12:25,644
Uh, uh... [STRAINING]
355
00:12:28,519 --> 00:12:30,621
- I can't do it.
- [TINA] What are you talking about?
356
00:12:30,646 --> 00:12:33,649
I'm a fraud. I'm an archery fraud.
357
00:12:33,674 --> 00:12:35,393
- [TINA/GENE] What?
- I can't pull the string back.
358
00:12:35,418 --> 00:12:37,786
I'm not strong enough. I
can't do archery at all.
359
00:12:37,853 --> 00:12:39,053
[RUDY] I didn't catch all that.
360
00:12:39,088 --> 00:12:40,574
Zombies are getting kind of loud,
361
00:12:40,599 --> 00:12:42,535
but are you gonna shoot the arrow soon?
362
00:12:42,560 --> 00:12:44,027
Now's good for me.
363
00:12:46,657 --> 00:12:48,997
- [WAILING]
- I'm sorry.
364
00:12:49,031 --> 00:12:50,031
I'm a fraudy fraud pants.
365
00:12:50,141 --> 00:12:51,876
I can't do any archery stuff.
366
00:12:51,901 --> 00:12:54,371
Okay, now I heard "I
can't do archery stuff."
367
00:12:54,396 --> 00:12:55,880
That's disappointing.
368
00:12:55,905 --> 00:12:57,640
[TINA] Give me that arrow.
369
00:12:57,665 --> 00:12:59,579
[GRUNTING] Here.
370
00:12:59,605 --> 00:13:01,319
I don't know if it works
without the bow part.
371
00:13:01,344 --> 00:13:03,779
Use it like a spear or
something. I don't know.
372
00:13:03,813 --> 00:13:05,514
Okay. [GRUNTS]
373
00:13:05,539 --> 00:13:07,692
[SHOUTS] Brains!
374
00:13:08,110 --> 00:13:10,269
He doesn't seem to mind
that I did that to him.
375
00:13:10,294 --> 00:13:12,671
Isn't that a thing?
Getting them in the head?
376
00:13:12,696 --> 00:13:15,199
He's shaking his head no. [SHOUTS]
377
00:13:15,224 --> 00:13:16,576
- Uh...
- [LOUISE] Rudy!
378
00:13:16,601 --> 00:13:17,968
- I'm so sorry.
- [RUDY] Ow!
379
00:13:17,993 --> 00:13:21,439
It's fine. Ow! It's my
fault for being the slowpoke.
380
00:13:21,464 --> 00:13:23,066
Ow! It's actually not that bad.
381
00:13:23,132 --> 00:13:24,710
- [GENE] Really?
- I mean, it's pretty bad.
382
00:13:24,734 --> 00:13:27,070
But I don't want to be
remembered as a complainer.
383
00:13:27,386 --> 00:13:29,521
[SCREAMING]
384
00:13:30,147 --> 00:13:31,782
[GENE] At least he went peacefully?
385
00:13:31,807 --> 00:13:33,309
[TINA] [GRUNTS] Why didn't you just
386
00:13:33,376 --> 00:13:34,660
tell us the truth, Louise?
387
00:13:34,685 --> 00:13:36,186
[LOUISE] I was embarrassed, okay?
388
00:13:36,211 --> 00:13:39,065
It's embarrassing. I mean,
I'm really bad at archery.
389
00:13:39,090 --> 00:13:40,725
Like, I can't pull the string back
390
00:13:40,750 --> 00:13:42,959
and I haven't been
able to do it even once.
391
00:13:42,984 --> 00:13:44,462
So you just made a bunch of fake videos?
392
00:13:44,487 --> 00:13:46,789
I was gonna make real videos,
but that didn't work out.
393
00:13:46,888 --> 00:13:48,841
Because of the whole "being
terrible at it" thing.
394
00:13:48,866 --> 00:13:51,281
There was a lot of editing,
come to think of it.
395
00:13:51,306 --> 00:13:53,012
One time, I did sort of
see a hand moving the arrow
396
00:13:53,037 --> 00:13:54,914
- through the air.
- Yeah.
397
00:13:54,939 --> 00:13:58,075
But, hey, it turns out arrows
don't kill zombies anyway,
398
00:13:58,100 --> 00:13:59,985
so what are you gonna do?
399
00:14:00,010 --> 00:14:02,080
I guess we're safe up here.
400
00:14:02,105 --> 00:14:03,639
For now?
401
00:14:03,664 --> 00:14:05,491
- [SIGHS]
- [DISTANT MOANING]
402
00:14:05,516 --> 00:14:06,878
[QUIETLY] She seems pretty sad.
403
00:14:06,903 --> 00:14:09,206
Yeah, probably because
she let everybody die.
404
00:14:09,254 --> 00:14:11,355
♪ I'm a fraud ♪
405
00:14:11,380 --> 00:14:12,899
[TINA] Wait, what's happening?
406
00:14:12,924 --> 00:14:14,442
♪ I'm a phony ♪
407
00:14:14,467 --> 00:14:16,410
Are you singing in a documentary?
408
00:14:16,435 --> 00:14:18,771
- ♪ I'm a sham, a scam ♪
- [GENE BEATBOXING]
409
00:14:18,796 --> 00:14:21,648
♪ Yes, ma'am, and
I'm full of baloney ♪
410
00:14:21,673 --> 00:14:24,210
Okay, now Gene seems to
be laying down a beat.
411
00:14:24,235 --> 00:14:28,139
♪ But if you could see
who I had hoped to be ♪
412
00:14:28,280 --> 00:14:32,051
♪ The me that's me more perfectly ♪
413
00:14:32,076 --> 00:14:37,014
♪ Why can't I be the
me I want to be? ♪
414
00:14:37,164 --> 00:14:38,799
[TINA] Okay, maybe we get back
415
00:14:38,824 --> 00:14:40,826
- to watching out for...
- ♪ And in this world... ♪
416
00:14:40,851 --> 00:14:42,437
- Louise!
- Right. Right. Right.
417
00:14:42,462 --> 00:14:44,163
- [SIGHS] Focus.
- [GENE] Uh-oh.
418
00:14:44,188 --> 00:14:45,588
They're climbing up on the dumpster.
419
00:14:45,623 --> 00:14:47,224
And now they're reaching for the ladder!
420
00:14:47,291 --> 00:14:49,760
[BOTH MOANING]
421
00:14:49,860 --> 00:14:52,139
They might be figuring out
how to give each other a boost.
422
00:14:52,163 --> 00:14:54,198
- [TINA] What? How?
- They're doing this thing.
423
00:14:54,265 --> 00:14:56,043
For, like, here's the
church, here's the steeple,
424
00:14:56,067 --> 00:14:57,344
open the doors, look at all the people?
425
00:14:57,368 --> 00:14:58,886
Don't make this about religion.
426
00:14:58,911 --> 00:15:00,980
Well, I mean, we know
one thing they don't like.
427
00:15:01,005 --> 00:15:02,490
- Paying taxes?
- Mustard.
428
00:15:02,515 --> 00:15:04,717
But you know who does? My parents.
429
00:15:04,742 --> 00:15:08,354
Spicy, yuck. Honey, yuck. Yellow, yuck.
430
00:15:08,379 --> 00:15:10,381
So many half-empty jars of mustard.
431
00:15:10,481 --> 00:15:11,782
[GENE] They're coming up fast!
432
00:15:11,849 --> 00:15:13,227
Might've been too long
on how you don't like
433
00:15:13,251 --> 00:15:14,686
each individual jar of mustard.
434
00:15:14,752 --> 00:15:16,237
Sorry. Here, take these.
435
00:15:16,262 --> 00:15:18,230
- Squirt it on them!
- [GENE SCREAMS]
436
00:15:18,255 --> 00:15:19,741
- [MOANING]
- [LOUISE] Ha!
437
00:15:19,766 --> 00:15:21,501
How does that cut the mustard, you punk?
438
00:15:21,526 --> 00:15:23,394
- We condi-meant to do that.
- [GENE] Nice.
439
00:15:23,419 --> 00:15:25,704
[GRUNTS] Uh, we need to fall back.
440
00:15:25,729 --> 00:15:26,864
We need higher ground.
441
00:15:26,965 --> 00:15:28,375
[GENE] You mean the Stevie Wonder song?
442
00:15:28,399 --> 00:15:29,634
Do we even have a CD player?
443
00:15:29,734 --> 00:15:31,569
We need higher mustard-squirting ground.
444
00:15:31,616 --> 00:15:33,265
[TINA] Where is higher
mustard-squirting ground?
445
00:15:33,290 --> 00:15:35,458
Follow me! Up there.
446
00:15:38,142 --> 00:15:39,310
Can we lock the door?
447
00:15:39,343 --> 00:15:40,754
I would've been able to lock the door
448
00:15:40,778 --> 00:15:42,355
if my parents hadn't
made me take the lock off.
449
00:15:42,379 --> 00:15:44,419
You lock yourself in your
room to watch every season
450
00:15:44,482 --> 00:15:47,117
of American Horror Story one time...
451
00:15:47,184 --> 00:15:49,129
- [TINA] Oops, my mustard.
- Oh, no, one's getting in.
452
00:15:49,153 --> 00:15:50,531
Okay, so we're not great at barricading.
453
00:15:50,555 --> 00:15:51,989
[GENE] We're barely-cading.
454
00:15:52,089 --> 00:15:53,991
- [MOANING]
- [TINA] Hello.
455
00:15:54,016 --> 00:15:55,768
I mean, I'm gonna squirt you now.
456
00:15:55,793 --> 00:15:57,404
-[AIR SPUTTERS]
-That was the thing. It wasn't me.
457
00:15:57,470 --> 00:15:58,904
- [MOANS]
- It wasn't!
458
00:15:58,929 --> 00:16:00,898
- [AIR SPUTTERING]
- Crap, crap, crap.
459
00:16:00,923 --> 00:16:02,342
[GENE] Uh, this isn't good.
460
00:16:02,367 --> 00:16:03,644
[TINA] Oh, God, I
don't want to get eaten.
461
00:16:03,668 --> 00:16:05,736
I guess there are worse ways to go.
462
00:16:05,761 --> 00:16:07,113
No, this is probably the worst.
463
00:16:07,138 --> 00:16:09,273
Ugh, I don't want to die!
464
00:16:10,984 --> 00:16:12,576
- [TINA] Wow.
- [GENE] You want to get another one?
465
00:16:12,643 --> 00:16:14,820
- That was a little breathy.
- Wow.
466
00:16:14,845 --> 00:16:16,714
Never mind. The first one was better.
467
00:16:19,632 --> 00:16:22,085
Louise, you did it! What
did you... How did...
468
00:16:22,110 --> 00:16:25,146
I did it this way, which
I've never tried before.
469
00:16:25,171 --> 00:16:26,624
- [TINA] Thank you.
- Sure.
470
00:16:26,649 --> 00:16:27,833
If I let you get eaten,
471
00:16:27,858 --> 00:16:29,658
who was gonna finish
the documentary about me?
472
00:16:29,694 --> 00:16:32,343
[GENE] I mean, I'm sure Rudy
and Andy and Ollie and your parents
473
00:16:32,368 --> 00:16:34,724
wished you figured out
that foot thing a little earlier,
474
00:16:34,748 --> 00:16:36,146
- but that's fine.
- [MOANING]
475
00:16:36,170 --> 00:16:38,236
[LOUISE] Okay, sounds
like we've got more company.
476
00:16:38,336 --> 00:16:39,737
Gene, you squirt mustard here.
477
00:16:39,770 --> 00:16:41,973
- On your nice clean bedspread?
- It's not that clean.
478
00:16:41,998 --> 00:16:43,716
Tina, you dip the
arrows, hand them to me,
479
00:16:43,741 --> 00:16:45,857
and I kill the bastards. Go, go, go, go.
480
00:16:45,882 --> 00:16:48,646
By the way, how many mustard
arrows are we allowed to eat?
481
00:16:48,755 --> 00:16:50,056
- None.
- Copy that.
482
00:16:50,081 --> 00:16:51,916
[LOUISE] ♪ She's
good at archery now ♪
483
00:16:52,016 --> 00:16:54,094
♪ She's good at archery now,
she's good at archery now ♪
484
00:16:54,118 --> 00:16:55,920
♪ She's good at archery now ♪
485
00:16:55,945 --> 00:16:57,563
♪ She's good at archery now,
she's good at archery now ♪
486
00:16:57,588 --> 00:16:59,323
♪ She's good at archery now ♪
487
00:16:59,348 --> 00:17:01,266
♪ She's good at archery
now, she's good at archery ♪
488
00:17:01,291 --> 00:17:03,144
♪ 'Cause she's using
her foot somehow. ♪
489
00:17:03,169 --> 00:17:05,004
[TINA PANTING]
490
00:17:05,029 --> 00:17:06,630
[TINA] Is that it? Are we safe?
491
00:17:06,697 --> 00:17:09,400
I hope so, because, um, I
only have one arrow left.
492
00:17:09,425 --> 00:17:11,044
[TINA] And we're down to
the last of the mustard.
493
00:17:11,069 --> 00:17:13,854
And some of us showed a lot of
restraint not eating any of it.
494
00:17:13,879 --> 00:17:15,314
[BOB AND LINDA MOANING]
495
00:17:15,339 --> 00:17:17,217
[LOUISE] Oh, no. It's my parents.
496
00:17:17,242 --> 00:17:18,586
[GENE] They're still a cute couple.
497
00:17:18,611 --> 00:17:19,755
[TINA] You only have one arrow!
498
00:17:19,779 --> 00:17:21,348
How are you gonna get two people?
499
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:24,726
Sorry, Mom and Dad. I love
you, but I got to do this.
500
00:17:24,751 --> 00:17:27,320
♪ ♪
501
00:17:31,432 --> 00:17:32,901
[GENE] Any more zombies out there?
502
00:17:32,926 --> 00:17:35,411
- It's okay if there's not.
- [TINA] You saved us!
503
00:17:35,436 --> 00:17:37,238
I mean, you had to kill
your zombie parents,
504
00:17:37,263 --> 00:17:38,665
but you did your famous trick shot.
505
00:17:38,732 --> 00:17:40,175
"The Off-the-Wall
Flipparoo How-Do-You-Do."
506
00:17:40,199 --> 00:17:41,768
For real! And you saved us.
507
00:17:41,793 --> 00:17:43,745
[GENE] And we probably
got a clean shot of it.
508
00:17:43,770 --> 00:17:45,305
- [OBJECTS CRASHING]
- Uh-oh.
509
00:17:45,330 --> 00:17:47,048
- There they are. Darn it.
- [ZOMBIES MOANING]
510
00:17:47,073 --> 00:17:48,675
Don't you guys have a hobby?
511
00:17:48,700 --> 00:17:50,786
- [MORT] Brains.
- Oh, right, brains.
512
00:17:50,811 --> 00:17:52,879
Shoot. Um, listen.
513
00:17:52,946 --> 00:17:55,014
Stay hidden. Barricade the door.
514
00:17:55,081 --> 00:17:56,215
Better than we did before.
515
00:17:56,282 --> 00:17:58,051
I'm gonna draw them away from here
516
00:17:58,118 --> 00:17:59,719
and, I guess, go out fighting.
517
00:17:59,819 --> 00:18:01,187
- [TINA] Wait, what?
- Don't argue.
518
00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:02,894
- There's no time.
- I'll tell your story.
519
00:18:02,922 --> 00:18:05,142
I mean, I won't, 'cause
I'll probably be dead,
520
00:18:05,167 --> 00:18:06,668
um, but hopefully someone will?
521
00:18:06,693 --> 00:18:08,905
Not Gene, 'cause if I'm dead,
he'll probably be dead, too.
522
00:18:08,929 --> 00:18:10,830
- [GENE] Yep.
- But, you know, someone else?
523
00:18:10,855 --> 00:18:12,540
Someone who's great
at editing and senses
524
00:18:12,565 --> 00:18:14,645
what my incredible vision
for telling this story was?
525
00:18:14,670 --> 00:18:16,278
And hopefully isn't into star wipes
526
00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:18,505
- or anything like that.
- Yeah, yeah, got it.
527
00:18:18,538 --> 00:18:20,673
[MOANING AND SCREAMING]
528
00:18:20,740 --> 00:18:21,875
[CAMERA THUDS]
529
00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:24,970
[MOANING AND SCREAMING FADE]
530
00:18:25,997 --> 00:18:28,166
Wow, that was... great.
531
00:18:28,191 --> 00:18:29,759
Dark. Pretty dark.
532
00:18:29,784 --> 00:18:31,359
Yeah, but so good.
533
00:18:31,384 --> 00:18:33,986
- It's not done. Shh!
- What? I-I thought...
534
00:18:34,011 --> 00:18:35,613
- [TINA] Gene?
- [GENE] Yeah?
535
00:18:35,638 --> 00:18:37,499
- [TINA] Did you get bitten?
- No. Did you?
536
00:18:37,524 --> 00:18:40,202
- [TINA] No. Louise?
- [LOUISE] [SIGHS] Yeah?
537
00:18:40,227 --> 00:18:42,329
- [TINA] Did they bite you?
- No. I think...
538
00:18:42,354 --> 00:18:44,439
No. They stepped on me a lot, though.
539
00:18:44,464 --> 00:18:46,433
[TINA] Can you see if my
camera's still rolling?
540
00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:47,894
Yep, looks like it.
541
00:18:47,919 --> 00:18:50,737
- So did all the zombies just leave?
- [LOUISE] Oh, my God.
542
00:18:50,803 --> 00:18:52,855
It must be because we
have mustard all over us.
543
00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,982
They didn't want to eat
us because of the mustard.
544
00:18:55,007 --> 00:18:56,276
I don't have it all over me.
545
00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,353
[TINA] You have a
little, um... never mind.
546
00:18:58,378 --> 00:19:00,476
Okay, new plan. We go
down to the restaurant.
547
00:19:00,501 --> 00:19:02,557
We get some more mustard
and a few more arrows,
548
00:19:02,582 --> 00:19:04,668
and, uh, [SCOFFS] we save the world.
549
00:19:04,693 --> 00:19:07,329
- [TINA] We do?
- I have a thing to do later, but okay.
550
00:19:07,354 --> 00:19:09,589
[TINA] Hey, Louise. Do
you like mustard now?
551
00:19:09,614 --> 00:19:11,366
No. I'm with the zombies on this one.
552
00:19:11,391 --> 00:19:13,391
[GENE] Should we cover
ourselves with chicken satay
553
00:19:13,426 --> 00:19:14,906
and see if the zombies hate that, too?
554
00:19:14,931 --> 00:19:16,800
What if we just get
you some chicken satay?
555
00:19:16,825 --> 00:19:18,093
[GENE] Mmm.
556
00:19:18,118 --> 00:19:21,009
[UPBEAT KEYBOARD MUSIC PLAYING]
557
00:19:21,109 --> 00:19:22,343
- Eh?
- Love it.
558
00:19:22,368 --> 00:19:24,420
It's perfect. I'm so proud of my little
559
00:19:24,445 --> 00:19:26,514
writer-director-producer-
stunt coordinators.
560
00:19:26,539 --> 00:19:29,108
Sorry, we didn't go with the
"everyone dies" ending, Dad.
561
00:19:29,133 --> 00:19:31,320
Totally fine. It's just a genre standard
562
00:19:31,345 --> 00:19:33,254
and a political
statement, but I understand
563
00:19:33,279 --> 00:19:35,381
you guys were probably facing pressure
564
00:19:35,448 --> 00:19:36,783
- from the studio.
- This guy.
565
00:19:36,849 --> 00:19:38,517
You give him a role, and all of a sudden
566
00:19:38,551 --> 00:19:39,795
- he's giving notes.
- It's fine.
567
00:19:39,819 --> 00:19:41,321
I love it. Mustard didn't deserve
568
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,398
any of that, but I'm
trying to overlook it.
569
00:19:43,423 --> 00:19:45,341
I still don't quite
get why you didn't just
570
00:19:45,366 --> 00:19:47,802
make yourself good at archery
from the beginning, Louise.
571
00:19:47,827 --> 00:19:49,862
Well, that was the plan at one time,
572
00:19:49,887 --> 00:19:52,740
when I thought I was gonna
be really good at archery.
573
00:19:52,765 --> 00:19:54,968
But turns out I couldn't pull the string
574
00:19:54,993 --> 00:19:58,078
back far enough to make
an arrow go... anywhere.
575
00:19:58,103 --> 00:19:59,146
I remember that day.
576
00:19:59,171 --> 00:20:01,107
A lot of grunts, and
then a lot of tears.
577
00:20:01,174 --> 00:20:02,242
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Yeah.
578
00:20:02,309 --> 00:20:03,827
But then, we got the crew together,
579
00:20:03,852 --> 00:20:05,454
and we had a meeting, and we said
580
00:20:05,479 --> 00:20:06,723
we could either scrap production
581
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,187
or we could work this into the story.
582
00:20:08,248 --> 00:20:09,659
And then we thought of the foot thing,
583
00:20:09,683 --> 00:20:11,117
and then we knew we had our ending.
584
00:20:11,184 --> 00:20:12,819
Which by the way, good for power,
585
00:20:12,852 --> 00:20:13,987
not good for accuracy.
586
00:20:14,012 --> 00:20:15,397
The arrow goes everywhere.
587
00:20:15,422 --> 00:20:16,899
Hey, you guys were
good, too, by the way.
588
00:20:16,923 --> 00:20:19,426
- Yeah, we were.
- I still have mustard in my ear.
589
00:20:19,451 --> 00:20:20,718
Or maybe that was from before.
590
00:20:20,743 --> 00:20:22,904
Also, it was really
nice of us to take apart
591
00:20:22,929 --> 00:20:24,680
the entire restaurant
for your barricade scene.
592
00:20:24,705 --> 00:20:27,475
Uh, I didn't see any mention
of that in the credits,
593
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:28,768
but that-that-that's fine.
594
00:20:28,793 --> 00:20:30,286
I think it's coming up
in the "special thanks."
595
00:20:30,311 --> 00:20:32,347
- It just says "Ken."
- Oh, right.
596
00:20:32,372 --> 00:20:34,624
Well, Ken's sending
this to his agent, so...
597
00:20:34,649 --> 00:20:37,018
Also, did you thank Teddy,
Mort, Rudy, Jimmy Jr.,
598
00:20:37,043 --> 00:20:39,717
Andy and Ollie enough? Because
they worked really hard.
599
00:20:39,742 --> 00:20:41,852
They're locked for the sequel.
That's where the money is.
600
00:20:41,882 --> 00:20:43,932
And, oh, I'm so sorry
that they had to be
601
00:20:43,957 --> 00:20:45,927
part of a touching tale
of how you can feel like
602
00:20:45,952 --> 00:20:48,004
a failure and then
overcome your weakness
603
00:20:48,029 --> 00:20:49,731
with feet and determination.
604
00:20:49,756 --> 00:20:51,400
And we're having the
cast and crew screening
605
00:20:51,424 --> 00:20:52,642
tomorrow at the restaurant?
606
00:20:52,667 --> 00:20:54,035
With free burgers? Right, Dad?
607
00:20:54,060 --> 00:20:55,972
- [BOB] Wait, what?
- [GENE] It's in your contract.
608
00:20:55,996 --> 00:20:58,431
[UPBEAT KEYBOARD MUSIC PLAYING]
609
00:20:59,574 --> 00:21:02,643
[TEDDY] ♪ Brains ♪
610
00:21:02,668 --> 00:21:04,837
♪ ♪
611
00:21:07,781 --> 00:21:09,250
♪ Brains ♪
612
00:21:09,275 --> 00:21:11,211
[TINA] ♪ It must be
a zombie apocalypse! ♪
613
00:21:11,244 --> 00:21:13,479
♪ ♪
614
00:21:19,909 --> 00:21:22,210
[MOANING]
615
00:21:24,526 --> 00:21:25,833
[SCREAMING]
616
00:21:26,334 --> 00:21:31,334
- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe -
-- for www.addic7ed.com --
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