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1
00:00:00,418 --> 00:00:02,130
Well, here it is, my last tip.
2
00:00:02,339 --> 00:00:03,633
Only $2.
3
00:00:03,841 --> 00:00:07,224
And to think, I held in a fart
for those cheap bastards.
4
00:00:07,682 --> 00:00:08,893
This night sucks.
5
00:00:09,102 --> 00:00:11,690
We don't even have enough
to buy supplies for tomorrow.
6
00:00:11,899 --> 00:00:14,947
We'll just have to go to that store
where everything is free.
7
00:00:16,158 --> 00:00:18,412
Oh, good, they're open.
8
00:00:18,663 --> 00:00:22,212
And we have to sneak this stuff out.
Han is staying late to do inventory.
9
00:00:22,420 --> 00:00:25,301
Damn it. Why does he always
have to be so Asian?
10
00:00:25,510 --> 00:00:28,014
What do we need for our cupcake shop?
Eggs, sugar...
11
00:00:28,224 --> 00:00:29,601
A stripper pole?
12
00:00:29,810 --> 00:00:31,730
Do you wanna make money or not?
13
00:00:31,939 --> 00:00:33,609
How are we gonna hide these eggs?
14
00:00:33,818 --> 00:00:35,863
You could put some
of those grade a large...
15
00:00:36,073 --> 00:00:37,867
where there's
grade a itty-bitties.
16
00:00:38,452 --> 00:00:40,373
Rude, but I don't hate it.
17
00:00:41,333 --> 00:00:43,546
I can probably fit four to six in each.
18
00:00:43,754 --> 00:00:47,721
So positive. I love that you're
a "cup's half full" kind of person.
19
00:00:52,522 --> 00:00:54,401
So come here often?
20
00:00:55,361 --> 00:00:57,198
This is my first time.
21
00:00:57,407 --> 00:00:59,995
- Well, you're very pretty.
- Thank you.
22
00:01:00,204 --> 00:01:02,375
Heads up. Han's coming your way.
23
00:01:02,584 --> 00:01:04,129
Should I fake a stroke?
24
00:01:04,338 --> 00:01:08,679
And ps, if I don't get up
in three minutes, it's a real one.
25
00:01:08,971 --> 00:01:10,350
No, I'll deal with him.
26
00:01:10,558 --> 00:01:12,270
You keep going.
27
00:01:18,282 --> 00:01:20,828
Keep it up, and we'll have an answer
to the question:
28
00:01:21,037 --> 00:01:23,668
What comes first,
the chicken or the Oleg?
29
00:01:37,904 --> 00:01:39,199
Here you go.
30
00:01:39,533 --> 00:01:41,620
I just found the greatest thing online.
31
00:01:41,829 --> 00:01:45,253
Ultrasound of the Kim and kanye baby
where someone photoshopped a 666...
32
00:01:45,461 --> 00:01:47,299
on its little baby butt?
33
00:01:47,799 --> 00:01:51,307
Wait, this kid is half Kardashian.
It's big baby butt.
34
00:01:51,598 --> 00:01:54,438
Wow, that baby's already famous
for doing nothing...
35
00:01:54,646 --> 00:01:56,734
just like its mom.
36
00:01:58,362 --> 00:02:01,827
No, what I found is a site where we
can apply for a small business Grant.
37
00:02:02,036 --> 00:02:04,166
A couple of categories:
Women-owned business...
38
00:02:04,374 --> 00:02:07,881
No, thanks. I've been to jail.
I was already owned by a woman.
39
00:02:08,883 --> 00:02:12,265
There's also a minority-owned category.
You don't know your father.
40
00:02:12,474 --> 00:02:15,563
You have an exotic look. Any chance
he could be native American?
41
00:02:15,772 --> 00:02:19,488
Yes. In fact, I think his name
was chief running away.
42
00:02:20,698 --> 00:02:22,702
Wait.
Maybe we don't even need your father.
43
00:02:22,911 --> 00:02:26,084
We are white, which, according
to the last presidential election...
44
00:02:26,293 --> 00:02:27,504
is the new minority.
45
00:02:27,712 --> 00:02:30,677
So now, all we need
is a letter of recommendation...
46
00:02:30,885 --> 00:02:33,098
from someone
who owns another start-up.
47
00:02:33,307 --> 00:02:36,355
I was thinking
candy Andy's sweets and treats.
48
00:02:36,563 --> 00:02:39,903
I've already written it. He just has
to sign it. Will you ask Andy?
49
00:02:40,112 --> 00:02:41,407
I can't. He's my ex.
50
00:02:41,615 --> 00:02:44,621
And I'm saving up my favor
for a Booty call on a cold night.
51
00:02:45,163 --> 00:02:49,715
I hate asking men for things:
Favors, last names, to stop.
52
00:02:51,510 --> 00:02:54,433
Excuse me,
can I get some more sweet'n low?
53
00:02:54,641 --> 00:02:56,520
In your purse,
where I saw you put them.
54
00:02:56,854 --> 00:02:58,357
I'm so embarrassed.
55
00:02:58,566 --> 00:03:00,903
Don't be.
I wasn't when I stole them last night.
56
00:03:03,033 --> 00:03:05,037
- What did Andy say?
- He's gone.
57
00:03:05,246 --> 00:03:07,876
- For lunch?
- Forever. The man is gone.
58
00:03:11,383 --> 00:03:13,262
His store is empty.
59
00:03:13,471 --> 00:03:15,433
Oh, my god. This is so sad.
60
00:03:15,641 --> 00:03:18,522
I know, there goes the candy.
61
00:03:19,106 --> 00:03:21,737
And my Booty call.
62
00:03:22,071 --> 00:03:23,532
He didn't even leave a note?
63
00:03:23,741 --> 00:03:25,661
Or a razzle?
64
00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:28,834
Forget the candy.
Are we not gonna talk about the fact...
65
00:03:29,043 --> 00:03:31,548
my ex-boyfriend left
without so much as a peep?
66
00:03:31,757 --> 00:03:34,053
Great. Now I want peeps.
67
00:03:34,971 --> 00:03:38,019
Hey, Max. Is today the day
we're gonna get married?
68
00:03:38,229 --> 00:03:41,318
Sure, Amir. My dream in life
is to be detained for four hours...
69
00:03:41,527 --> 00:03:42,946
on our honeymoon flight.
70
00:03:45,243 --> 00:03:47,956
Max, you do know
i was born in this country, right?
71
00:03:48,164 --> 00:03:51,964
You were born here? How old are you?
About zero dark thirty?
72
00:03:53,592 --> 00:03:56,807
Yeah, and you were born
in a Walmart, right?
73
00:03:57,350 --> 00:04:00,648
Where do you think the expression
"clean up on aisle 12" comes from?
74
00:04:01,817 --> 00:04:04,364
Caroline, bummed you drove
your boyfriend out of town?
75
00:04:04,573 --> 00:04:06,785
For the record,
i did not chase Andy away.
76
00:04:06,994 --> 00:04:08,456
We ended our relationship well.
77
00:04:08,664 --> 00:04:11,837
Right. That's why I helped him move out
in the middle of the night.
78
00:04:12,045 --> 00:04:14,718
Man, you messed that up.
So self-involved.
79
00:04:15,135 --> 00:04:17,390
Wow. Coming in a little hot, Amir.
80
00:04:17,599 --> 00:04:21,565
Yeah, guns ablazing,
if I was allowed to carry them.
81
00:04:22,024 --> 00:04:24,780
Oh, Amir, you're the bomb.
82
00:04:25,448 --> 00:04:28,537
Look at us. We're like homeland,
if it was a rom-com.
83
00:04:31,502 --> 00:04:34,758
You don't have to read it.
It's a standard letter of recommendation.
84
00:04:34,966 --> 00:04:36,845
Don't be a bitch. Just sign it.
85
00:04:37,597 --> 00:04:41,020
I'm not comfortable putting my name
on a document I haven't read.
86
00:04:41,229 --> 00:04:44,276
I understand, but don't be a bitch.
Just sign it.
87
00:04:44,903 --> 00:04:49,078
"Max's homemade cupcakes is an
up-and-coming powerhouse business."
88
00:04:49,286 --> 00:04:50,623
I can't sign this.
89
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:54,464
This has more lies
than my okcupid profile.
90
00:04:55,341 --> 00:04:58,096
Don't be a bitch. Just sign it.
91
00:04:58,305 --> 00:05:00,058
That one's on me, girls.
92
00:05:01,102 --> 00:05:03,691
If I sign this, it's lying.
I could get deported...
93
00:05:03,899 --> 00:05:07,532
and I'm one home inspection away
from a poodle adoption.
94
00:05:07,991 --> 00:05:10,663
A poodle? That's cool.
You can share sweaters.
95
00:05:12,124 --> 00:05:14,921
Hurry up, bitch.
The deadline to mail that is tonight.
96
00:05:15,130 --> 00:05:17,385
Well, if you just wanted
to steamroll someone...
97
00:05:17,594 --> 00:05:19,764
why didn't you get Andy to sign it?
98
00:05:19,973 --> 00:05:22,520
They split.
He left last night without a peep.
99
00:05:22,729 --> 00:05:25,860
Damn it, now I'm thinking
about those peeps again.
100
00:05:26,319 --> 00:05:28,281
Oh, I was worried
you two wouldn't make it.
101
00:05:28,490 --> 00:05:30,536
You always have your mind
on business...
102
00:05:30,745 --> 00:05:32,832
and Andy was such an easy spirit.
103
00:05:33,041 --> 00:05:34,753
I think you mean free spirit.
104
00:05:34,961 --> 00:05:38,761
Easy spirit is a shoe
worn by people whose spirits have died.
105
00:05:39,011 --> 00:05:40,681
I have two pairs.
106
00:05:40,890 --> 00:05:43,771
Fine. Give it back.
I'll find someone else with a business.
107
00:05:43,979 --> 00:05:46,777
What about Sophie?
She owns a small business...
108
00:05:46,985 --> 00:05:51,370
and she loves to give,
not as much as she loves to receive.
109
00:05:51,995 --> 00:05:55,753
I'm not so sure Sophie's
cleaning business is totally, well, legal.
110
00:05:55,962 --> 00:05:57,172
When we worked for her...
111
00:05:57,382 --> 00:06:00,471
on the memo line of our paycheck,
she wrote "colonoscopy."
112
00:06:00,763 --> 00:06:04,353
And for the record, Sophie's
cleaning business is totally legit.
113
00:06:04,563 --> 00:06:06,900
Her organ-trading might not be.
114
00:06:08,946 --> 00:06:10,073
Forget it, Caroline.
115
00:06:10,282 --> 00:06:14,624
We might deport you ourselves.
All we need is a fedex box.
116
00:06:15,877 --> 00:06:20,260
Uh, Caroline, come over here.
I think I can help you with that.
117
00:06:20,469 --> 00:06:22,473
Earl, you don't have a small business.
118
00:06:22,682 --> 00:06:26,440
Oh, the size of my business
has never been in question.
119
00:06:29,946 --> 00:06:31,950
And I may not have a business...
120
00:06:32,159 --> 00:06:36,835
but han Lee does.
121
00:06:38,756 --> 00:06:41,385
Max, look,
Earl forged han's signature.
122
00:06:41,595 --> 00:06:43,348
That's what his signature looks like.
123
00:06:43,557 --> 00:06:46,647
When I forge it,
i just draw a picture of hello kitty.
124
00:06:57,627 --> 00:06:59,004
You wanna know your future?
125
00:06:59,589 --> 00:07:00,925
Oh, no. No, thanks.
126
00:07:01,133 --> 00:07:03,681
You sure?
I have a message about your love life.
127
00:07:05,141 --> 00:07:06,937
Ten dollars.
128
00:07:14,828 --> 00:07:15,871
[Knocking on door]
129
00:07:16,080 --> 00:07:17,500
Caroline:
Are you asleep?
130
00:07:17,709 --> 00:07:21,048
Max? Max, I really need to talk.
131
00:07:22,050 --> 00:07:24,013
Oh, just come in and get it over with.
132
00:07:24,221 --> 00:07:26,267
Everybody else does.
133
00:07:26,977 --> 00:07:31,110
Max, I'm sorry, but I really need to talk. I
went to the fortune-teller near the diner.
134
00:07:31,319 --> 00:07:33,615
She told me that
I'd never find love in my life.
135
00:07:33,824 --> 00:07:35,536
Fortune-telling is a scam.
136
00:07:35,745 --> 00:07:36,913
"You'll never find a man.
137
00:07:37,122 --> 00:07:39,669
Your moon's in uranus.
No man will ever be in uranus."
138
00:07:39,878 --> 00:07:42,382
I could have told you that
the second day I met you.
139
00:07:42,592 --> 00:07:46,015
Please, Max, just listen for five minutes.
Come. I'll make you some tea.
140
00:07:46,223 --> 00:07:48,604
Tea? Who am I, pippa middleton?
141
00:07:49,313 --> 00:07:51,777
Toast me an eggo waffle
and maybe I'm listening.
142
00:07:51,985 --> 00:07:55,868
Well, we were saving that waffle
for a special occasion, but okay.
143
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:59,542
Chestnut,
we're eating your birthday waffle now.
144
00:07:59,793 --> 00:08:03,592
I don't know why I'm pissing him off.
He's gonna be the only man in my life.
145
00:08:03,801 --> 00:08:07,265
I can't believe you blew $10
on a psychic.
146
00:08:07,474 --> 00:08:09,521
Why didn't you buy
a skinnygirl Margarita...
147
00:08:09,729 --> 00:08:12,025
like all the other
lonely white chicks?
148
00:08:12,359 --> 00:08:13,779
I spent 50.
149
00:08:13,987 --> 00:08:16,827
I bought a crystal
that protects me from bad juju.
150
00:08:17,035 --> 00:08:20,291
Hey, there's no reason
to get anti-semitic.
151
00:08:20,835 --> 00:08:23,339
You spent money
on crystal you can't snort?
152
00:08:23,549 --> 00:08:24,926
What is wrong with you?
153
00:08:25,803 --> 00:08:28,474
I freaked out.
I didn't want it to be true.
154
00:08:28,684 --> 00:08:31,898
Is it true, Max? Am I never gonna
find love? Was Andy my one chance?
155
00:08:32,107 --> 00:08:35,113
Did I screw it up because
i wanted success? Was everyone right?
156
00:08:35,405 --> 00:08:38,871
That is a lot of questions
for one waffle.
157
00:08:39,622 --> 00:08:42,502
And where is that waffle?
You're a bad waitress at home too.
158
00:08:42,837 --> 00:08:43,922
[Knocking on door]
159
00:08:44,131 --> 00:08:45,258
Who could that be?
160
00:08:45,467 --> 00:08:47,764
I don't know,
let me consult the spirits.
161
00:08:47,972 --> 00:08:49,893
Who is it?
162
00:08:50,268 --> 00:08:52,815
It's Sophie.
163
00:08:53,609 --> 00:08:55,236
Yeah, it's me.
164
00:08:55,445 --> 00:08:59,286
The shady lady
with the illegal business.
165
00:08:59,536 --> 00:09:01,708
Yeah, and, Caroline,
you owe me an apology...
166
00:09:01,917 --> 00:09:06,384
or I will take out these hoops
and we will get into it, girl.
167
00:09:07,637 --> 00:09:11,978
Yeah, and I warn you,
i did some extreme fighting in Warsaw.
168
00:09:12,187 --> 00:09:14,066
Extreme fighting. That's awesome.
169
00:09:14,274 --> 00:09:17,406
Yeah. They would throw big hunk
of cheese in a trough...
170
00:09:17,615 --> 00:09:21,205
and let all the village girls
just go at it.
171
00:09:22,249 --> 00:09:23,292
Sorry, Sophie.
172
00:09:23,501 --> 00:09:26,883
It just seemed like a better business
decision to go with the forgery.
173
00:09:27,092 --> 00:09:29,096
What is that?
174
00:09:29,304 --> 00:09:32,185
Is that a waffle?
175
00:09:32,687 --> 00:09:36,026
[Chuckling]
Okay, you are forgiven.
176
00:09:36,235 --> 00:09:38,239
Damn it. I didn't even get a bite.
177
00:09:38,448 --> 00:09:40,243
I'm awake and sober for nothing.
178
00:09:40,744 --> 00:09:42,832
Sophie, do you believe in psychics?
179
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,253
Oh, no, that's all fake.
180
00:09:45,462 --> 00:09:47,842
You know, I knew a family
of gypsy psychics...
181
00:09:48,050 --> 00:09:51,933
who couldn't even predict
that they would all die in a barn fire.
182
00:09:52,852 --> 00:09:54,689
Hey, girls. Sorry to interrupt...
183
00:09:54,898 --> 00:09:57,737
but Sophie promised
to rub antifungal cream...
184
00:09:57,945 --> 00:10:00,366
on my thick yellow toenails.
185
00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:04,249
Oleg, come over here.
I'll do it in between bites.
186
00:10:06,003 --> 00:10:07,965
This is what you're afraid
you're missing?
187
00:10:08,174 --> 00:10:10,345
Because this is a relationship.
188
00:10:10,553 --> 00:10:12,975
Seriously, Max,
that's something I really want.
189
00:10:13,184 --> 00:10:14,813
And now I'm never gonna have it.
190
00:10:15,898 --> 00:10:18,821
Get in there, baby. I have two feet.
191
00:10:20,741 --> 00:10:21,952
[Bell rings]
192
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:24,498
Interesting. She's a psychic...
193
00:10:24,707 --> 00:10:27,713
but she needs a bell
to tell her someone's here.
194
00:10:27,922 --> 00:10:29,299
[Door closes
then bell rings again]
195
00:10:29,508 --> 00:10:32,514
Max, please don't make me do this.
I don't wanna hear any more bad things.
196
00:10:32,723 --> 00:10:34,268
Nothing bad is gonna happen.
197
00:10:34,476 --> 00:10:37,357
She's gonna tell you
you have a bright, love-filled future...
198
00:10:37,566 --> 00:10:39,946
or I'm gonna kick her
in the crystal balls.
199
00:10:40,698 --> 00:10:44,163
Hello, girls. I'll tell you your future
as soon as I finish eating.
200
00:10:44,371 --> 00:10:45,582
It'll only take a minute.
201
00:10:45,791 --> 00:10:48,755
Since I quit smoking,
i eat like a prisoner.
202
00:10:49,214 --> 00:10:52,637
Come, sit,
ruminate on your wishes and dreams.
203
00:10:53,055 --> 00:10:56,478
Well, my wish is that you
give my friend her money back...
204
00:10:56,688 --> 00:11:00,486
and my dream is that
I'm a backup dancer for missy Elliott.
205
00:11:01,405 --> 00:11:04,119
Great. A wiseass.
206
00:11:04,328 --> 00:11:06,290
Do you wanna know your future
or not?
207
00:11:06,498 --> 00:11:09,004
Um, you told me my future.
That's why we're here.
208
00:11:09,213 --> 00:11:10,799
You said I'd never find love.
209
00:11:11,008 --> 00:11:12,929
When did I say that?
210
00:11:13,221 --> 00:11:16,227
And you, tough guy,
don't say, "well, you're the psychic."
211
00:11:16,686 --> 00:11:17,980
Maybe she is a psychic...
212
00:11:18,189 --> 00:11:21,654
because I am a tough guy,
and I was gonna say that.
213
00:11:22,030 --> 00:11:25,370
You know, it's hard to remember.
I see a lot of sad single girls.
214
00:11:25,578 --> 00:11:29,044
But looking at you right now,
it makes sense.
215
00:11:29,378 --> 00:11:31,716
And here,
take your phony crystal back.
216
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,762
I'm not so sure this is a real crystal.
217
00:11:33,971 --> 00:11:36,977
It looks like one
of those vegan deodorant things.
218
00:11:37,979 --> 00:11:39,356
And we want our money.
219
00:11:39,565 --> 00:11:40,859
Pssht.
220
00:11:42,070 --> 00:11:45,786
Oh, okay. What just happened?
221
00:11:46,120 --> 00:11:48,374
I put a curse on you.
222
00:11:48,583 --> 00:11:51,088
Max, you said nothing bad
was gonna happen.
223
00:11:51,297 --> 00:11:54,721
Well, I'm not a psychic,
and neither is she.
224
00:11:56,140 --> 00:11:58,937
Laugh, buster.
Nothing in life will go your way...
225
00:11:59,146 --> 00:12:01,191
and you will live under a dark cloud.
226
00:12:01,943 --> 00:12:05,993
Will this dark cloud merge
with the current dark cloud above me...
227
00:12:06,201 --> 00:12:09,166
or fly alongside of it?
228
00:12:09,374 --> 00:12:12,422
We don't wanna trouble you,
but if you could remove the curse...
229
00:12:12,631 --> 00:12:15,303
and possibly that noodle
on your blouse....
230
00:12:16,013 --> 00:12:17,432
Pssht.
231
00:12:19,771 --> 00:12:22,860
- Oh, no. Did you just...
- Cursed you too.
232
00:12:23,235 --> 00:12:26,492
Tell you what,
I'll lift both curses for 50...
233
00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:30,834
or else your whole life
will come crashing down all around you.
234
00:12:31,043 --> 00:12:34,716
The only way
I'm giving a strange woman 50 bucks...
235
00:12:34,926 --> 00:12:37,890
is if I'm walking out of here
with a genital piercing.
236
00:12:39,685 --> 00:12:41,313
I do that as well.
237
00:12:45,571 --> 00:12:47,910
Don't believe in curses, never have.
238
00:12:48,119 --> 00:12:51,750
Not since Jennifer Martin told me I was going
to hell for sleeping with her boyfriend.
239
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:54,172
I didn't. I just went
to homecoming with him.
240
00:12:54,381 --> 00:12:57,512
Max, we have to go back and pay her.
Our lives are hard enough.
241
00:12:57,721 --> 00:13:00,018
We don't need things
to come crashing down.
242
00:13:00,226 --> 00:13:03,024
Relax. Nothing's coming crashing down
around us.
243
00:13:03,232 --> 00:13:06,155
Woman:
Don't jump, Paul! Paul, don't jump!
244
00:13:06,655 --> 00:13:08,409
Paul? Who's Paul?
245
00:13:08,617 --> 00:13:11,165
Oh, and what is he doing on the roof?
246
00:13:11,498 --> 00:13:12,918
[Max screams]
247
00:13:14,087 --> 00:13:18,220
Okay. That was Paul's life
that came crashing down.
248
00:13:18,429 --> 00:13:19,473
Not ours.
249
00:13:22,020 --> 00:13:26,737
Max, we all know I'm a highly educated
woman who doesn't believe in curses...
250
00:13:26,946 --> 00:13:30,244
but I'm putting every penny we make
in the lift the curse fund.
251
00:13:30,620 --> 00:13:32,833
And I'm gonna tell you
one more time...
252
00:13:33,042 --> 00:13:36,006
we're not spending another 50 bucks
on some stupid curse.
253
00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:39,847
A body fell from the sky!
254
00:13:40,933 --> 00:13:44,941
Paul got a bad batch of shrooms.
It had nothing to do with the curse.
255
00:13:45,149 --> 00:13:49,658
Everyone knows you don't take
psychedelics above the second floor.
256
00:13:49,867 --> 00:13:51,745
Poor amateur bastard.
257
00:13:51,955 --> 00:13:53,749
And we need our money
for essentials...
258
00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:58,551
like food and the penguin statue
i saw at the dollar store.
259
00:13:58,759 --> 00:14:01,181
The one that says "chill out."
260
00:14:01,682 --> 00:14:02,767
So chill out.
261
00:14:04,396 --> 00:14:08,571
Caroline, I feel bad about not signing
your letter of recommendation...
262
00:14:08,779 --> 00:14:12,162
so I wrote one myself
and signed it. Here.
263
00:14:12,370 --> 00:14:13,957
That's so nice of you.
264
00:14:14,166 --> 00:14:16,880
"The extremely hard-working
Caroline Channing...
265
00:14:17,088 --> 00:14:21,597
who has devoted her life to business
and nothing and no one else..."
266
00:14:22,098 --> 00:14:25,688
han, this is supposed to be
about getting a loan, not being alone.
267
00:14:25,898 --> 00:14:28,527
I totally get it, girl. I'm alone as well.
268
00:14:28,736 --> 00:14:31,742
We have our eyes on the prize,
so our beds are empty.
269
00:14:31,951 --> 00:14:34,456
But occasionally, I pay for it.
270
00:14:40,468 --> 00:14:45,603
Did han just intimate
that he occasionally gets a hooker?
271
00:14:46,313 --> 00:14:48,734
Lucky bastard.
272
00:14:49,861 --> 00:14:53,369
He probably gets a child's discount.
273
00:14:55,123 --> 00:14:57,669
Max, look,
the future's already happening.
274
00:14:57,877 --> 00:14:59,423
Even in han's letter, I'm alone.
275
00:14:59,631 --> 00:15:03,681
The only chance for a love life I have
is going halvsies on a hooker with han.
276
00:15:03,889 --> 00:15:05,978
We have to reverse the curse now.
277
00:15:06,186 --> 00:15:08,984
News flash, everybody's cursed.
278
00:15:09,192 --> 00:15:11,071
You lost your money last year.
279
00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:14,828
Literally nothing good
has ever happened to me.
280
00:15:15,037 --> 00:15:18,294
Han hasn't grown
since the fourth grade.
281
00:15:18,878 --> 00:15:22,302
Oleg's toenails look like fritos...
282
00:15:22,677 --> 00:15:24,181
and Earl was born black...
283
00:15:24,389 --> 00:15:28,606
at the eighth or ninth worst time
to be a black man in America.
284
00:15:29,024 --> 00:15:31,988
Look around.
It's the valley of the damned.
285
00:15:32,197 --> 00:15:34,868
Name one person who isn't cursed.
286
00:15:35,077 --> 00:15:39,669
Hey, guys, I just found
a $100 bill on the sidewalk.
287
00:15:39,878 --> 00:15:41,590
Drinks for everyone.
288
00:15:41,966 --> 00:15:44,262
Max, pop open the fancy Brandy.
289
00:15:44,763 --> 00:15:49,147
Fancy Brandy is gonna be my stripper
name if you ever let me put in that pole.
290
00:15:49,397 --> 00:15:50,441
Sophie, guess what?
291
00:15:50,650 --> 00:15:53,906
We went back to that psychic
to complain and she put a curse on us.
292
00:15:54,741 --> 00:15:55,994
Oh.
293
00:15:56,787 --> 00:15:58,916
You're cursed?
294
00:16:00,503 --> 00:16:02,507
[Sophie groans in fear]
295
00:16:08,519 --> 00:16:11,400
But it's stupid, like you said, right?
296
00:16:11,817 --> 00:16:13,696
Yeah, yeah.
297
00:16:13,904 --> 00:16:16,869
That's stupid, yeah.
298
00:16:17,078 --> 00:16:19,791
Did she mention me?
299
00:16:20,918 --> 00:16:23,966
No. She just cursed us...
300
00:16:24,176 --> 00:16:27,182
and said our whole lives
would come crashing down around us.
301
00:16:36,074 --> 00:16:40,249
Ten, 20, 30, 40, 50.
302
00:16:40,583 --> 00:16:42,170
Pssht. Curse is lifted.
303
00:16:43,589 --> 00:16:45,760
Oh. I don't think you got me.
What about my curse?
304
00:16:45,968 --> 00:16:47,013
Pssht.
305
00:16:48,474 --> 00:16:51,188
Talk about phoning it in.
Couldn't you wave a feather...
306
00:16:51,396 --> 00:16:53,817
or spin your head or throw up
or something?
307
00:16:54,027 --> 00:16:55,530
That's extra.
308
00:16:57,242 --> 00:16:58,994
Know what?
I'm in a good mood tonight.
309
00:16:59,204 --> 00:17:03,170
I got through the whole day
on 15 cigarettes and one sheet cake.
310
00:17:03,379 --> 00:17:06,260
I'm gonna give tough guy
a free reading here.
311
00:17:06,885 --> 00:17:10,142
Oh, free, as in the $50
you just shook us down for?
312
00:17:10,351 --> 00:17:12,355
[Laughs then coughs]
313
00:17:14,568 --> 00:17:15,820
Should never have quit.
314
00:17:16,028 --> 00:17:19,703
Okay, future coming right at you.
315
00:17:20,246 --> 00:17:22,417
I see you will have a happy life.
316
00:17:22,959 --> 00:17:26,258
Me? Happy? All right,
get your hat, mother. We're leaving.
317
00:17:26,466 --> 00:17:30,015
And I see a large sum of money
coming your way.
318
00:17:30,224 --> 00:17:31,852
Over $10,000.
319
00:17:32,186 --> 00:17:33,647
Max, it's the Grant.
320
00:17:33,856 --> 00:17:35,985
We applied for $12,000. Is that it?
321
00:17:36,194 --> 00:17:37,697
Sure.
322
00:17:38,991 --> 00:17:43,208
- And in spite of your bad childhood...
- She knew you had a bad childhood.
323
00:17:43,417 --> 00:17:45,379
Come on, every childhood is bad.
324
00:17:45,588 --> 00:17:48,594
You're stupid, you can't reach stuff.
It's rough.
325
00:17:49,471 --> 00:17:53,812
In spite of it, I see great love
and children in your future.
326
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:56,318
Max.
327
00:17:56,526 --> 00:18:00,701
Me? No, wait. You must be picking up
on her vibes. Check again.
328
00:18:01,411 --> 00:18:06,922
No. Great love and children
will be part of your future.
329
00:18:08,676 --> 00:18:12,976
- She will die alone.
- Okay, well, that's all I can take.
330
00:18:13,185 --> 00:18:15,356
I'm not gonna wait
for the other Paul to fall.
331
00:18:15,564 --> 00:18:17,652
- Let's go, Max.
- No, no, no. Wait.
332
00:18:17,860 --> 00:18:19,948
She obviously got it wrong.
333
00:18:20,157 --> 00:18:21,243
Didn't you?
334
00:18:22,912 --> 00:18:25,710
Nope. Still dying alone.
335
00:18:26,002 --> 00:18:28,382
With nothing but her great success.
336
00:18:28,590 --> 00:18:30,219
I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What?
337
00:18:30,428 --> 00:18:32,890
I see great success in your future.
338
00:18:33,099 --> 00:18:35,396
You do? Oh, thank god.
339
00:18:35,604 --> 00:18:38,235
I'm gonna have success?
How big a success?
340
00:18:38,444 --> 00:18:41,742
Oh, honey, it's so big
you won't even know you're alone.
341
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:48,004
All right, go.
342
00:18:48,213 --> 00:18:50,926
May you live a long and healthy life.
343
00:18:51,219 --> 00:18:55,311
And put on your hat and gloves.
I'm predicting snow.
344
00:19:00,070 --> 00:19:01,782
It's not going to snow.
345
00:19:01,990 --> 00:19:04,746
At most,
it's gonna rain 30-year-old dudes.
346
00:19:04,954 --> 00:19:06,667
Maybe she isn't so psychic.
347
00:19:06,875 --> 00:19:08,086
Stop fighting it, Max.
348
00:19:08,295 --> 00:19:11,718
You're gonna find love and be happy,
and I'm gonna be successful.
349
00:19:11,927 --> 00:19:16,269
You hear that, New York?
I'm gonna be successful and alone!
350
00:19:17,188 --> 00:19:20,151
And robbed and raped,
if you keep calling that out.
351
00:19:20,361 --> 00:19:22,782
It started
when I dropped that Grant application...
352
00:19:22,990 --> 00:19:26,331
into that mail box that those guys
are unbolting and taking away.
353
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:27,625
What's going on?
354
00:19:28,210 --> 00:19:32,134
It's called e-mails. We're getting rid
of this. No one mails anything anymore.
355
00:19:32,343 --> 00:19:34,138
Yes, they do. I did yesterday.
356
00:19:34,347 --> 00:19:36,685
And our $12,000 depends on it.
357
00:19:36,893 --> 00:19:39,816
Sorry, doll. This box has been out
of commission for a week.
358
00:19:40,150 --> 00:19:43,907
According to a psychic, her box
is gonna be out of commission forever.
359
00:19:44,116 --> 00:19:47,999
We had to tell him.
You expect me to lie to a city employee?
360
00:19:48,333 --> 00:19:50,755
So I guess
we're not getting that Grant.
361
00:19:50,963 --> 00:19:52,759
The psychic was wrong.
362
00:19:52,967 --> 00:19:55,180
Maybe nothing she said
is gonna come true.
363
00:19:55,389 --> 00:19:58,270
I told you. It's a scam.
364
00:19:59,272 --> 00:20:02,152
Max, look, it's snowing.
365
00:20:02,361 --> 00:20:04,240
And she predicted snow.
366
00:20:04,532 --> 00:20:07,413
Oh, crap. Am I gonna have kids?
367
00:20:07,622 --> 00:20:11,045
So she was right on the snow,
but not the money.
368
00:20:11,254 --> 00:20:12,465
So what is it?
369
00:20:12,673 --> 00:20:15,596
Am I or am I not gonna die old
and alone?
370
00:20:15,805 --> 00:20:17,517
Why are we even talking about this?
371
00:20:17,725 --> 00:20:20,731
We're probably not gonna make it
through the winter.
372
00:20:21,441 --> 00:20:25,198
And by the way, if you die first,
i am totally eating you.
373
00:20:25,408 --> 00:20:27,620
[Scoffs]
Oh, I know.
374
00:20:27,829 --> 00:20:31,503
And besides,
no one person can get it all.
375
00:20:31,711 --> 00:20:35,302
You're right. No one person can,
but what about two?
376
00:20:35,511 --> 00:20:38,224
You'll have the love and the kids,
and I'll have success.
377
00:20:38,434 --> 00:20:40,521
Maybe we can share,
like we share our tips...
378
00:20:40,729 --> 00:20:43,067
or that wheat thin we found
in your pillowcase.
379
00:20:43,277 --> 00:20:45,448
Are you asking
to bang my great love?
380
00:20:45,656 --> 00:20:46,741
Which is fine with me.
381
00:20:46,950 --> 00:20:50,248
Because I'm already bored
and sleeping with his poker buddy.
382
00:20:50,458 --> 00:20:51,501
In fact, let's switch.
383
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:54,257
You can have my great love
and I'll die alone.
384
00:20:54,466 --> 00:20:56,135
Max, you don't wanna die alone.
385
00:20:56,344 --> 00:20:59,976
I am dying to die alone.
31125
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