Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,953 --> 00:00:05,118
Max, can you watch my tables
while I run to the restroom?
2
00:00:05,238 --> 00:00:06,354
I already am.
3
00:00:06,356 --> 00:00:07,805
I've been watching model girl
4
00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:10,491
pretend she's eating for 30 minutes.
5
00:00:10,493 --> 00:00:11,693
Oh, she's nice.
6
00:00:11,695 --> 00:00:14,596
She always tips
on what she would've eaten.
7
00:00:16,782 --> 00:00:17,866
Guess what, everyone?
8
00:00:17,868 --> 00:00:19,334
I have a secret.
9
00:00:19,336 --> 00:00:20,835
You're a woman trapped in a man's body?
10
00:00:20,837 --> 00:00:22,086
No.
11
00:00:22,088 --> 00:00:23,872
You're a man trapped in a woman's body?
12
00:00:23,874 --> 00:00:25,423
You're a little boy
13
00:00:25,425 --> 00:00:26,875
trapped in a little girl's body?
14
00:00:26,877 --> 00:00:29,260
I am a man in a man's body.
15
00:00:29,262 --> 00:00:32,630
We're not talking about your night life.
16
00:00:32,632 --> 00:00:35,216
I have discovered something when going over
17
00:00:35,218 --> 00:00:36,834
the employee applications.
18
00:00:36,836 --> 00:00:40,138
Okay, perhaps I never worked
at the Waldorf Astoria,
19
00:00:40,140 --> 00:00:44,008
but I did work with this guy,
Waldorf, in Astoria.
20
00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:47,028
It's not you. Tomorrow is Caroline's birthday.
21
00:00:47,030 --> 00:00:49,063
Why wouldn't I know that?
22
00:00:49,065 --> 00:00:51,232
She tells me everything about her life.
23
00:00:51,234 --> 00:00:52,650
I know so much about her cycle,
24
00:00:52,652 --> 00:00:55,570
I'm feeling pressure to impregnate her.
25
00:00:55,572 --> 00:00:58,323
I can do that for you.
26
00:00:58,325 --> 00:00:59,574
It's weird.
27
00:00:59,576 --> 00:01:01,693
Why wouldn't she want
to celebrate her birthday?
28
00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:03,027
She celebrates everything.
29
00:01:03,029 --> 00:01:04,913
Heads up, everybody.
30
00:01:04,915 --> 00:01:06,831
I just refilled the paper towels.
31
00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:11,769
Who's a team player? What, what?
32
00:01:26,464 --> 00:01:27,831
Max.
33
00:01:27,833 --> 00:01:29,466
You know what we have to do.
34
00:01:29,468 --> 00:01:31,902
Aw, man. I knew this day would come.
35
00:01:31,904 --> 00:01:36,890
All right, what's the least
amount I can do to keep my job?
36
00:01:36,892 --> 00:01:39,509
Just tell me when it's over.
37
00:01:44,299 --> 00:01:45,849
You have to throw her a party.
38
00:01:45,851 --> 00:01:47,350
I'd rather you just
39
00:01:47,352 --> 00:01:50,654
have your tiny way with me.
40
00:01:50,656 --> 00:01:53,273
I don't like birthdays.
I don't even know when mine is.
41
00:01:53,275 --> 00:01:57,527
My mom narrowed it down
to a two-week window in June.
42
00:01:59,113 --> 00:02:01,415
But you are Caroline's BFF.
43
00:02:01,417 --> 00:02:04,367
And it is BFF's job
to throw friend a party.
44
00:02:04,369 --> 00:02:05,452
Han, I don't have enough money
45
00:02:05,454 --> 00:02:06,753
to throw a party.
46
00:02:06,755 --> 00:02:09,989
I don't even have enough money
to throw a baseball.
47
00:02:09,991 --> 00:02:11,875
You have money. You be her BFF.
48
00:02:11,877 --> 00:02:15,178
I already have a BFF-- Jamarcus.
49
00:02:15,180 --> 00:02:16,797
And my last birthday,
50
00:02:16,799 --> 00:02:19,216
he threw me a sick surprise party.
51
00:02:19,218 --> 00:02:22,135
You must think BFF stands
for "barely freaking friends",
52
00:02:22,137 --> 00:02:23,770
because there's no way you're down
53
00:02:23,772 --> 00:02:25,305
with someone named Jamarcus.
54
00:02:25,307 --> 00:02:26,389
Oh, really?
55
00:02:26,391 --> 00:02:30,677
Then why did we exchange
ATM pin numbers?
56
00:02:30,679 --> 00:02:33,513
Oh...
57
00:02:33,515 --> 00:02:36,283
I'll just crop that, and we'll be good to go.
58
00:02:36,285 --> 00:02:39,519
Max, Edwin's ready to show us
the design for our new website.
59
00:02:39,521 --> 00:02:41,071
Come see it.
60
00:02:41,073 --> 00:02:43,406
Dude, you and the webmaster
have been talking "business"
61
00:02:43,408 --> 00:02:45,024
every day for a week.
62
00:02:45,026 --> 00:02:46,243
Is something going on there?
63
00:02:46,245 --> 00:02:49,045
Shouldn't the web be mastered by now?
64
00:02:49,047 --> 00:02:51,081
It's strictly business.
65
00:02:51,083 --> 00:02:53,250
All right, but it's costing us $200.
66
00:02:53,252 --> 00:02:55,719
Might as well get something out of it.
67
00:02:55,721 --> 00:03:00,373
Maybe let him browse your Yahoo?
68
00:03:00,375 --> 00:03:02,642
Looks like he might have
a big ol' hard drive
69
00:03:02,644 --> 00:03:05,529
with a lot of ram.
70
00:03:05,531 --> 00:03:08,515
Yeah, he's cute, but I don't
want a relationship right now.
71
00:03:08,517 --> 00:03:10,150
And I don't do one-night stands.
72
00:03:10,152 --> 00:03:12,552
All right, so don't stand. Lay down.
73
00:03:12,554 --> 00:03:13,854
That's not me--
74
00:03:13,856 --> 00:03:16,055
the next morning,
doing the walk of shame.
75
00:03:16,057 --> 00:03:18,942
I always see those girls
with their messed-up sex hair,
76
00:03:18,944 --> 00:03:20,894
carrying their heels,
clutching their coats
77
00:03:20,896 --> 00:03:22,228
to hide last night's outfit.
78
00:03:22,230 --> 00:03:24,564
Going into Kinko's to use Google maps
79
00:03:24,566 --> 00:03:27,250
so you can figure out where you are.
80
00:03:27,252 --> 00:03:32,622
You really put the "ho" in "Kinko."
81
00:03:32,624 --> 00:03:34,758
Oh. Sorry, Sophie.
82
00:03:34,760 --> 00:03:35,709
We're closed.
83
00:03:35,711 --> 00:03:37,177
Oh, no. I'll be quick.
84
00:03:37,179 --> 00:03:39,095
I just want a cupcake to go.
85
00:03:39,097 --> 00:03:42,933
I'm on my way to 24 hour fitness.
86
00:03:42,935 --> 00:03:48,188
Ja, and I put it on the cupcake
holder on the treadmill.
87
00:03:50,609 --> 00:03:53,860
Uh, Max,
my town car is parked out front
88
00:03:53,862 --> 00:03:56,196
and I was wondering
if you wanted me to wait
89
00:03:56,198 --> 00:03:58,865
for you and Caroline to give you
a ride back to our building.
90
00:03:58,867 --> 00:04:00,200
Oh, no. It's okay.
91
00:04:00,202 --> 00:04:01,484
We still have to clean up
and take the garbage out.
92
00:04:01,486 --> 00:04:02,869
Oh.
93
00:04:07,041 --> 00:04:12,111
Oh, looks like the garbage
is taking itself out.
94
00:04:12,113 --> 00:04:15,248
The game continues.
95
00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:16,550
Here is my number.
96
00:04:16,552 --> 00:04:18,084
I invite you to call me
97
00:04:18,086 --> 00:04:20,220
when you realize what a catch I am.
98
00:04:20,222 --> 00:04:23,106
Or any time you are drunk and willing.
99
00:04:23,108 --> 00:04:26,426
Max, I'm going to need the doggy bag as well.
100
00:04:26,428 --> 00:04:28,178
Not for the cupcake.
101
00:04:28,180 --> 00:04:31,431
To puke in.
102
00:04:35,102 --> 00:04:36,302
So I'll get this finalized,
103
00:04:36,304 --> 00:04:37,971
and then I'll stop
by the diner tomorrow
104
00:04:37,973 --> 00:04:40,657
so you can sign off on
the layout before we go live.
105
00:04:40,659 --> 00:04:42,325
This is so exciting.
106
00:04:42,327 --> 00:04:44,477
Oh, wait, Edwin. Shoot.
107
00:04:44,479 --> 00:04:46,363
I forgot to show you
the new pricing chart.
108
00:04:46,365 --> 00:04:48,031
It's cool, I can draft it up right now
109
00:04:48,033 --> 00:04:49,315
and upload it when I get home.
110
00:04:49,317 --> 00:04:51,618
Yeah, webmaster. You work pretty fast.
111
00:04:51,620 --> 00:04:54,120
But I bet you can work slow, too.
112
00:04:54,122 --> 00:04:56,373
And really fast again.
113
00:04:56,375 --> 00:04:58,008
I can be done in a minute.
114
00:04:58,010 --> 00:04:59,843
Ooh, not what you want to hear.
115
00:04:59,845 --> 00:05:01,428
Max.
116
00:05:01,430 --> 00:05:03,346
It's fine. We can wait.
117
00:05:03,348 --> 00:05:04,848
You know what? You stay here.
118
00:05:04,850 --> 00:05:07,350
I have to go to the store
and pick up stuff for your--
119
00:05:07,352 --> 00:05:08,802
my what?
120
00:05:08,804 --> 00:05:13,523
Your cupcake business that
you're making me do with you.
121
00:05:13,525 --> 00:05:14,674
Get home safe.
122
00:05:14,676 --> 00:05:16,693
Um, hey, where do you live, Edwin?
123
00:05:16,695 --> 00:05:17,811
Hell's kitchen.
124
00:05:17,813 --> 00:05:18,979
Oh, cool.
125
00:05:18,981 --> 00:05:20,313
You're going to want
to take the "c" down,
126
00:05:20,315 --> 00:05:21,982
transfer to the "l,"
and if you get lost,
127
00:05:21,984 --> 00:05:24,150
there's a Kinko's on 6th and 14th.
128
00:05:24,152 --> 00:05:27,604
That's embarrassing. Max was just trying to--
129
00:05:27,606 --> 00:05:29,689
yeah, I work on complicated web programs.
130
00:05:29,691 --> 00:05:32,075
I think I cracked that code.
131
00:05:32,077 --> 00:05:33,543
She wants us to hook up.
132
00:05:33,545 --> 00:05:35,862
Yeah. I'm sorry.
133
00:05:35,864 --> 00:05:37,030
Why are you sorry?
134
00:05:37,032 --> 00:05:40,700
That's all I've been thinking about.
135
00:05:51,562 --> 00:05:54,731
Yum, yum.
136
00:05:54,733 --> 00:05:57,550
Oh, my God.
137
00:05:57,552 --> 00:06:00,103
They are so hot.
138
00:06:11,331 --> 00:06:14,017
Don't give me that look.
139
00:06:25,780 --> 00:06:26,863
Oleg.
140
00:06:26,865 --> 00:06:28,148
Caroline.
141
00:06:28,150 --> 00:06:29,699
What are you doing here?
142
00:06:29,701 --> 00:06:31,401
What are you doing here?
143
00:06:31,403 --> 00:06:34,237
I live here, and I'm just coming out
144
00:06:34,239 --> 00:06:35,855
from going to get coffee.
145
00:06:35,857 --> 00:06:38,541
It was delicious.
I drank every bit of it.
146
00:06:38,543 --> 00:06:40,960
Outside. That's why I don't have a cup.
147
00:06:40,962 --> 00:06:44,030
But you're wearing
the same outfit from last night.
148
00:06:44,032 --> 00:06:46,916
You're wearing the same outfit
from last night.
149
00:06:46,918 --> 00:06:49,302
And you have messed-up sex hair.
150
00:06:49,304 --> 00:06:51,971
You have messed-up sex hair.
151
00:06:51,973 --> 00:06:54,224
Webmaster?
152
00:06:54,226 --> 00:06:56,242
Sophie?
153
00:06:56,244 --> 00:06:59,345
She called me up and we made hand love.
154
00:06:59,347 --> 00:07:01,214
But I thought Sophie hated you.
155
00:07:01,216 --> 00:07:05,051
Well, she doesn't hate my hand.
156
00:07:05,053 --> 00:07:06,736
But you cannot tell anyone.
157
00:07:06,738 --> 00:07:08,271
That was her one condition.
158
00:07:08,273 --> 00:07:10,356
That and a copy
of my recent blood tests
159
00:07:10,358 --> 00:07:12,442
signed by a medical professional.
160
00:07:12,444 --> 00:07:13,559
Deal.
161
00:07:13,561 --> 00:07:15,245
And you can't tell
anyone about me, either.
162
00:07:15,247 --> 00:07:16,162
Especially Max.
163
00:07:16,164 --> 00:07:17,614
I'd never hear the end of it.
164
00:07:17,616 --> 00:07:18,581
Deal.
165
00:07:18,583 --> 00:07:19,582
Pinky swear?
166
00:07:19,584 --> 00:07:20,733
Actually, never mind.
167
00:07:20,735 --> 00:07:21,868
I don't know where
your fingers have been.
168
00:07:21,870 --> 00:07:25,538
I just told you where they've been.
169
00:07:29,190 --> 00:07:30,457
Max
170
00:07:30,577 --> 00:07:33,279
I'm so excited for this party.
171
00:07:33,281 --> 00:07:37,616
I wore my loose clothing
so I can dance all night.
172
00:07:37,618 --> 00:07:40,086
God, I cannot take this party pressure.
173
00:07:40,088 --> 00:07:41,120
I'm just going to go in the back
174
00:07:41,122 --> 00:07:43,706
and run a can opener across my wrist.
175
00:07:43,708 --> 00:07:46,208
Oh, Max. I'm sure you did a great job.
176
00:07:46,210 --> 00:07:48,711
You know, as long as you have a DJ,
177
00:07:48,713 --> 00:07:51,681
some champagne, and a psychic.
178
00:07:51,683 --> 00:07:54,500
No, no, and no.
179
00:07:54,502 --> 00:07:56,435
I got some balloons, a hummus tray,
180
00:07:56,437 --> 00:07:57,770
and possibly Earl.
181
00:07:57,772 --> 00:07:59,922
He still hasn't confirmed.
182
00:07:59,924 --> 00:08:01,006
Oh.
183
00:08:01,008 --> 00:08:02,441
You don't need psychic to know
184
00:08:02,443 --> 00:08:05,945
that this is going to be
a horrible, horrible party.
185
00:08:05,947 --> 00:08:08,230
Well, thank God
Caroline has new boy toy.
186
00:08:08,232 --> 00:08:10,182
She might not mind as much.
187
00:08:10,184 --> 00:08:11,734
What are you talking about?
188
00:08:11,736 --> 00:08:15,071
Yeah, I saw them kissing in
front of the diner last night.
189
00:08:15,073 --> 00:08:19,075
Yeah, I sat there
and watched for an hour.
190
00:08:20,294 --> 00:08:23,796
They were really going at it,
hot and heavy.
191
00:08:23,798 --> 00:08:28,084
You know, like the Showtime
network in the good old days.
192
00:08:28,086 --> 00:08:29,201
Oh, great.
193
00:08:29,203 --> 00:08:31,003
Now I have to invite him
to the party, too?
194
00:08:31,005 --> 00:08:33,222
I only got a six-pack of Capri Suns,
195
00:08:33,224 --> 00:08:35,591
so people are going to have to share.
196
00:08:35,593 --> 00:08:37,643
Congratulations, it's official.
197
00:08:37,645 --> 00:08:39,095
Our website is now live.
198
00:08:39,097 --> 00:08:40,980
Congratulations, it's official.
199
00:08:40,982 --> 00:08:44,016
You're a whore.
200
00:08:44,018 --> 00:08:47,570
I hear you got
your Kinko's card punched.
201
00:08:47,572 --> 00:08:48,854
What?
202
00:08:48,856 --> 00:08:49,989
Don't "what" me.
203
00:08:49,991 --> 00:08:52,742
I know you hooked up
with the webmaster.
204
00:08:52,744 --> 00:08:54,026
Pick up.
205
00:08:54,028 --> 00:08:56,228
Oleg, you told Max?
206
00:08:56,230 --> 00:08:58,247
What's happening?
207
00:08:58,249 --> 00:08:59,281
Our deal's off.
208
00:08:59,283 --> 00:09:01,784
Oleg had sex with Sophie last night.
209
00:09:01,786 --> 00:09:03,085
No...
210
00:09:03,087 --> 00:09:06,672
It wasn't sex. Just hand stuff.
211
00:09:06,674 --> 00:09:08,457
Yeah, and nothing above the waist.
212
00:09:08,459 --> 00:09:11,844
I'm a lady.
213
00:09:11,846 --> 00:09:16,465
I got all hot and bothered
watching Caroline and big Han.
214
00:09:16,467 --> 00:09:19,969
Okay...
215
00:09:19,971 --> 00:09:22,838
You know, I really think
this is between Caroline and me.
216
00:09:22,840 --> 00:09:25,775
You mean between Caroline,
you, and your strippers.
217
00:09:25,777 --> 00:09:27,193
Strippers?
218
00:09:27,195 --> 00:09:29,528
I have seen this man in a strip club.
219
00:09:29,530 --> 00:09:32,114
Han, you were in a strip club?
220
00:09:32,116 --> 00:09:35,284
Earl took me.
221
00:09:40,940 --> 00:09:41,824
Damn it, Han.
222
00:09:41,826 --> 00:09:42,992
You're going to sell me out
223
00:09:42,994 --> 00:09:46,962
after I spotted you $100 in ones.
224
00:09:46,964 --> 00:09:50,583
You went to Spreaders without me?
225
00:09:50,585 --> 00:09:53,502
Why would you take Han to a strip club?
226
00:09:53,504 --> 00:09:56,955
Yeah, is his lap even big enough for a dance?
227
00:09:56,957 --> 00:09:59,175
Earl, I'm so disappointed in you.
228
00:09:59,177 --> 00:10:01,677
That's it. I'm not going to your party.
229
00:10:01,679 --> 00:10:02,728
What party?
230
00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:03,979
Damn it, Earl!
231
00:10:03,981 --> 00:10:06,565
It's supposed to be
a surprise for her birthday.
232
00:10:06,567 --> 00:10:08,634
Who told you it was my birthday?
233
00:10:08,636 --> 00:10:09,819
Han.
234
00:10:09,821 --> 00:10:11,353
Damn it, Han!
235
00:10:11,355 --> 00:10:13,072
I didn't want a party
236
00:10:13,074 --> 00:10:14,907
and I don't want to celebrate
my birthday this year.
237
00:10:14,909 --> 00:10:16,242
Well, too bad,
238
00:10:16,244 --> 00:10:19,195
because your BFF is throwing you
a big blow-out.
239
00:10:19,197 --> 00:10:21,697
Oh, Max. Now I feel bad.
240
00:10:21,699 --> 00:10:25,534
You feel bad now, wait till you see the party.
241
00:10:28,455 --> 00:10:32,291
Caroline's birthday. Woot, woot.
242
00:10:32,293 --> 00:10:35,594
Thanks, but you don't have
to say that after everything.
243
00:10:35,596 --> 00:10:38,631
Max...
244
00:10:38,633 --> 00:10:40,916
I know you had limited budget,
245
00:10:40,918 --> 00:10:43,102
but music is free.
246
00:10:43,104 --> 00:10:47,556
Yeah, well, I'm a douche.
247
00:10:47,558 --> 00:10:51,110
Speech!
248
00:10:51,112 --> 00:10:54,146
Speech!
249
00:10:54,148 --> 00:10:57,849
I can't carry this party much longer.
250
00:10:59,519 --> 00:11:01,019
Okay, I'd like to say something.
251
00:11:01,021 --> 00:11:02,071
Wait, wait.
252
00:11:02,073 --> 00:11:04,523
Can't we wait till we cut the cake?
253
00:11:04,525 --> 00:11:05,857
Cake?
254
00:11:05,859 --> 00:11:08,127
People are still doing that?
255
00:11:08,129 --> 00:11:12,631
Yes. Our livelihood depends on it.
256
00:11:12,633 --> 00:11:15,217
There's only one party as bad as this one.
257
00:11:15,219 --> 00:11:20,389
That's the Donner Party.
258
00:11:21,892 --> 00:11:26,996
And even they had better food.
259
00:11:26,998 --> 00:11:30,516
I'd like to say happy birthday
to a very pretty lady
260
00:11:30,518 --> 00:11:32,434
who I just had the pleasure of meeting,
261
00:11:32,436 --> 00:11:35,120
and I think I'm going
to be seeing a lot more of her.
262
00:11:35,122 --> 00:11:36,488
Aw.
263
00:11:36,490 --> 00:11:38,557
I'll go get us some more drinks.
264
00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:39,891
Okay.
265
00:11:39,893 --> 00:11:42,578
Get rid of him.
266
00:11:42,580 --> 00:11:44,029
What?
267
00:11:44,031 --> 00:11:45,197
It was a one-time thing.
268
00:11:45,199 --> 00:11:47,249
I thought you weren't that kind of girl.
269
00:11:47,251 --> 00:11:48,900
I realized it had almost been a year
270
00:11:48,902 --> 00:11:50,502
since I had sex, and I decided
271
00:11:50,504 --> 00:11:52,788
I rather not be that kind of girl.
272
00:11:52,790 --> 00:11:54,039
But I don't want a relationship.
273
00:11:54,041 --> 00:11:55,925
Hey, I get it. Hit it and quit it.
274
00:11:55,927 --> 00:11:57,509
♪ hit it, don't babysit it ♪
275
00:11:57,511 --> 00:12:00,012
Max, please.
276
00:12:00,014 --> 00:12:00,963
Fine.
277
00:12:00,965 --> 00:12:02,014
How am I going to make him go away?
278
00:12:02,016 --> 00:12:03,132
It's not going to take a lot
279
00:12:03,134 --> 00:12:05,417
to convince someone
to leave this party.
280
00:12:05,419 --> 00:12:09,188
I'd like to ask everyone
to raise their cocktail,
281
00:12:09,190 --> 00:12:10,139
but I can't.
282
00:12:10,141 --> 00:12:14,476
So raise your Capri to the sun...
283
00:12:16,262 --> 00:12:20,472
For a very special lady who I'm
sure I will be seeing more of.
284
00:12:27,540 --> 00:12:31,293
Get rid of him. It was a one-time thing.
285
00:12:32,796 --> 00:12:35,714
So was that the worst party
you've ever been to?
286
00:12:35,716 --> 00:12:39,117
That was the worst party
anyone's ever been to.
287
00:12:39,119 --> 00:12:42,954
So with the webmaster, how was the sex?
288
00:12:42,956 --> 00:12:44,723
Pretty good.
289
00:12:44,725 --> 00:12:45,891
But then he did that thing
290
00:12:45,893 --> 00:12:47,760
where he pretended
he was going to choke me.
291
00:12:47,762 --> 00:12:49,645
When did guys start doing that?
292
00:12:49,647 --> 00:12:50,596
I don't know,
293
00:12:50,598 --> 00:12:51,897
but if I knew that was his thing,
294
00:12:51,899 --> 00:12:53,799
I would've asked him
to choke me at the party.
295
00:12:53,801 --> 00:12:55,234
How did you get rid of him?
296
00:12:55,236 --> 00:12:57,269
What did you say?
Did you let him down gently?
297
00:12:57,271 --> 00:12:59,355
No, I told him to hit the pike.
298
00:12:59,357 --> 00:13:01,440
It's a one-night stand. Guys get that.
299
00:13:01,442 --> 00:13:04,109
So that's it? He wasn't upset?
300
00:13:04,111 --> 00:13:06,195
Guys don't care.
301
00:13:06,197 --> 00:13:08,914
One-night stands-- they come, they go.
302
00:13:08,916 --> 00:13:09,981
Literally.
303
00:13:09,983 --> 00:13:12,251
But what if he wants to see me again?
304
00:13:12,253 --> 00:13:13,285
Relax.
305
00:13:13,287 --> 00:13:14,753
It is not going
to come back to haunt you.
306
00:13:14,755 --> 00:13:16,705
Unless you start feeling an itch...
307
00:13:16,707 --> 00:13:18,590
Or a kick.
308
00:13:18,592 --> 00:13:20,092
Well, thanks for dumping him.
309
00:13:20,094 --> 00:13:21,293
And for the...
310
00:13:21,295 --> 00:13:24,213
I'm going to go ahead
and call it a party.
311
00:13:24,215 --> 00:13:26,015
I knew you wouldn't want me
312
00:13:26,017 --> 00:13:27,683
to use any of the cupcake money,
313
00:13:27,685 --> 00:13:28,851
and I was broke.
314
00:13:28,853 --> 00:13:30,853
So I guess I am your BFF--
315
00:13:30,855 --> 00:13:33,355
your broke friend forever.
316
00:13:33,357 --> 00:13:35,641
Max, it really doesn't matter
what you would've done.
317
00:13:35,643 --> 00:13:37,393
The only thing
I really wanted for my birthday
318
00:13:37,395 --> 00:13:38,777
was to see my father.
319
00:13:38,779 --> 00:13:41,847
And he's in prison,
so that didn't happen.
320
00:13:41,849 --> 00:13:45,117
I may not be a good BFF,
321
00:13:45,119 --> 00:13:46,402
I may not throw a great party,
322
00:13:46,404 --> 00:13:50,372
but I do know where
to find a free bus to prison.
323
00:13:50,374 --> 00:13:53,358
Hey, everybody.
We got a birthday girl onboard.
324
00:13:53,360 --> 00:13:56,462
Sit yo ass back down!
325
00:13:56,464 --> 00:13:59,882
See? Now we got a party.
326
00:14:04,430 --> 00:14:06,364
This is nice getting out of the city.
327
00:14:06,366 --> 00:14:08,650
Kind of reminds me
of the ride to the Hamptons.
328
00:14:08,652 --> 00:14:09,801
Yo.
329
00:14:09,803 --> 00:14:12,787
This your first time on the bangbus?
330
00:14:12,789 --> 00:14:17,576
We call it the bangbus because
everybody here gonna get banged.
331
00:14:17,578 --> 00:14:19,611
And in addition 'cause we're on a bus.
332
00:14:19,613 --> 00:14:20,996
Hmm, makes sense.
333
00:14:20,998 --> 00:14:21,930
Hey, I'm Shonda.
334
00:14:21,932 --> 00:14:24,115
I'm Max. This is Caroline.
335
00:14:24,117 --> 00:14:27,285
So you're all going for,
like, conjugal visits?
336
00:14:27,287 --> 00:14:28,670
Pretty fancy term for getting
337
00:14:28,672 --> 00:14:31,122
shawshanked on a three-legged cot.
338
00:14:31,124 --> 00:14:33,508
Shawshanked. I like her.
339
00:14:33,510 --> 00:14:34,476
I like your hair.
340
00:14:34,478 --> 00:14:37,128
Did you just get back from Cancun?
341
00:14:37,130 --> 00:14:39,130
No, no.
342
00:14:39,132 --> 00:14:41,016
I saved up,
and I got these done for my man.
343
00:14:41,018 --> 00:14:42,017
He says they make me
344
00:14:42,019 --> 00:14:43,652
look like Alicia Keys meets Ed Norton
345
00:14:43,654 --> 00:14:45,570
in American History X.
346
00:14:45,572 --> 00:14:47,272
How sweet.
347
00:14:47,274 --> 00:14:49,074
Ah, yo. What's your man in for?
348
00:14:49,076 --> 00:14:52,444
My man's in for possession
of a sweet, sweet ass.
349
00:14:52,446 --> 00:14:55,113
He makes that joke every time.
350
00:14:55,115 --> 00:14:57,866
He's not my man, actually. He's my dad.
351
00:14:57,868 --> 00:14:59,117
Oh, so you're a freak.
352
00:14:59,119 --> 00:15:01,136
That's all right. I don't judge.
353
00:15:01,138 --> 00:15:04,589
You see a name tag
on me that says "Judy"?
354
00:15:04,591 --> 00:15:06,708
Oh, look. We just passed a Carvel.
355
00:15:06,710 --> 00:15:08,510
What's a Carvel?
356
00:15:08,512 --> 00:15:10,495
Carvel ice cream.
357
00:15:10,497 --> 00:15:12,180
You know,
Fudgie the Whale, Cookie Puss.
358
00:15:12,182 --> 00:15:14,099
Come on, how could you not know Carvel?
359
00:15:14,101 --> 00:15:15,350
They have them everywhere.
360
00:15:15,352 --> 00:15:16,334
Oh, wait.
361
00:15:16,336 --> 00:15:17,769
Is that that white trash ice cream?
362
00:15:17,771 --> 00:15:19,104
How dare you!
363
00:15:19,106 --> 00:15:21,690
It is not white trash.
364
00:15:21,692 --> 00:15:23,141
And I wouldn't be so high and mighty.
365
00:15:23,143 --> 00:15:24,859
You're on a free bangbus to a prison.
366
00:15:24,861 --> 00:15:25,944
I'm sorry.
367
00:15:25,946 --> 00:15:27,195
I didn't realize you had such
368
00:15:27,197 --> 00:15:29,364
a strong emotional connection
to ice cream.
369
00:15:29,366 --> 00:15:33,818
Not to the ice cream. The ice cream cake.
370
00:15:33,820 --> 00:15:36,121
When I was ten, I asked my mom
for a birthday party.
371
00:15:36,123 --> 00:15:37,989
She said yes but then flaked out
372
00:15:37,991 --> 00:15:39,124
and forgot to call anyone.
373
00:15:39,126 --> 00:15:40,742
I'm starting to understand why
374
00:15:40,744 --> 00:15:42,544
you don't like birthday parties.
375
00:15:42,546 --> 00:15:44,496
So after I waited on the porch for an hour,
376
00:15:44,498 --> 00:15:46,381
I'll stole 20 bucks from her purse,
377
00:15:46,383 --> 00:15:47,532
thumbed it out to Carvel,
378
00:15:47,534 --> 00:15:49,334
and bought myself
a Fudgie the Whale cake.
379
00:15:49,336 --> 00:15:52,220
Ate the whole thing
with a pink plastic spoon,
380
00:15:52,222 --> 00:15:55,257
and it was way better than
any party ever could have been.
381
00:15:55,259 --> 00:15:56,491
I heard that.
382
00:15:56,493 --> 00:15:58,093
There ain't nothing better
than Fudgie the Whale.
383
00:15:58,095 --> 00:16:00,044
I love the chocolate crunchies.
384
00:16:00,046 --> 00:16:04,766
Bitch, everybody love
the damn chocolate crunchies!
385
00:16:07,987 --> 00:16:09,738
Hey, Shonda. Who are you here to see?
386
00:16:09,740 --> 00:16:11,906
Who's available?
387
00:16:11,908 --> 00:16:16,528
I'm just cracking wise.
You know I'm here to see Squirm.
388
00:16:16,530 --> 00:16:18,029
Search her.
389
00:16:18,031 --> 00:16:21,499
Damn. Is it my turn again?
390
00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:22,784
Next.
391
00:16:22,786 --> 00:16:25,236
We're not on that list. We didn't call ahead.
392
00:16:25,238 --> 00:16:26,738
Leave it to me.
393
00:16:26,740 --> 00:16:28,957
I've gotten into every club
I've ever wanted to get into.
394
00:16:28,959 --> 00:16:31,509
Hi. Caroline Channing plus one.
395
00:16:31,511 --> 00:16:33,461
I don't see you on the list.
396
00:16:33,463 --> 00:16:35,013
Really? That's weird.
397
00:16:35,015 --> 00:16:37,515
We should be on the list.
We're always on the list.
398
00:16:37,517 --> 00:16:38,883
Max, we're not on the list.
399
00:16:38,885 --> 00:16:42,887
We're not? I'm going to kill my assistant.
400
00:16:42,889 --> 00:16:44,606
Oh, I know.
401
00:16:44,608 --> 00:16:47,726
It might be under Deangelo Jefferson.
402
00:16:47,728 --> 00:16:49,861
Come on, girls. Don't waste my time.
403
00:16:49,863 --> 00:16:52,814
I'd like to see a manager.
404
00:16:55,484 --> 00:16:56,735
There's no manager.
405
00:16:56,737 --> 00:16:58,570
It's a prison.
406
00:16:58,572 --> 00:17:01,122
Well, then who runs this place?
407
00:17:01,124 --> 00:17:06,578
Well, the Aryan brotherhood
is getting pretty strong.
408
00:17:06,580 --> 00:17:08,797
This is such amateur hour.
409
00:17:08,799 --> 00:17:10,749
Give me 50 bucks for the door guy.
410
00:17:10,751 --> 00:17:12,801
Are you seriously trying to bribe
411
00:17:12,803 --> 00:17:16,554
an officer of the law
while inside a prison?
412
00:17:16,556 --> 00:17:18,640
That's a federal offense.
413
00:17:18,642 --> 00:17:19,791
Is it?
414
00:17:19,793 --> 00:17:23,428
Probably.
415
00:17:23,430 --> 00:17:25,764
Look, I should have you thrown
out for even suggesting it.
416
00:17:25,766 --> 00:17:27,399
We do not accept bribes.
417
00:17:27,401 --> 00:17:28,650
Okay, fine.
418
00:17:28,652 --> 00:17:30,902
I'll let you take
your sweet time searching me
419
00:17:30,904 --> 00:17:33,355
on the way in.
420
00:17:33,357 --> 00:17:35,573
These two are clear to go through.
421
00:17:35,575 --> 00:17:38,193
Max, you can't do that for me.
422
00:17:38,195 --> 00:17:40,445
It's really for me. It's been a while.
423
00:17:40,447 --> 00:17:43,615
Woot, woot.
424
00:17:44,667 --> 00:17:46,835
I'm so excited to see my father
425
00:17:46,837 --> 00:17:48,203
after all this time.
426
00:17:48,205 --> 00:17:49,671
How do I look?
427
00:17:49,673 --> 00:17:50,789
You look good. How do I look?
428
00:17:50,791 --> 00:17:53,825
Do I still have
that freshly felt-up glow?
429
00:17:53,827 --> 00:17:56,828
Well, that ginger over there
thinks you look good.
430
00:17:56,830 --> 00:17:58,663
He's full-on staring at you.
431
00:17:58,665 --> 00:18:00,598
Well, I should hope so.
432
00:18:00,600 --> 00:18:02,384
If you can't get a dude
in prison to check you out,
433
00:18:02,386 --> 00:18:04,269
it's time for a makeover.
434
00:18:04,271 --> 00:18:08,907
No, he's looking
and nodding like he knows you.
435
00:18:12,478 --> 00:18:14,195
Never seen him before in my life.
436
00:18:14,197 --> 00:18:15,313
Max?
437
00:18:15,315 --> 00:18:17,348
Max Black?
438
00:18:17,350 --> 00:18:19,367
It's me, Irish.
439
00:18:19,369 --> 00:18:21,536
I don't know, dude.
I think you got the wrong girl.
440
00:18:21,538 --> 00:18:23,788
Max, I could never forget that face.
441
00:18:23,790 --> 00:18:27,876
Trust me, you've never seen me before.
442
00:18:27,878 --> 00:18:29,661
Oh, damn!
443
00:18:29,663 --> 00:18:31,246
Oh, my God!
444
00:18:31,248 --> 00:18:32,914
That's you.
445
00:18:32,916 --> 00:18:34,549
So you do remember.
446
00:18:34,551 --> 00:18:36,050
Of course.
447
00:18:36,052 --> 00:18:39,053
Get rid of him.
It was a one-night stand.
448
00:18:39,055 --> 00:18:41,038
See, they do come back to haunt you.
449
00:18:41,040 --> 00:18:42,090
Shirt on.
450
00:18:42,092 --> 00:18:44,092
Max, can you believe it?
451
00:18:44,094 --> 00:18:45,844
Of all the prisons in all the world,
452
00:18:45,846 --> 00:18:47,095
you walked into mine.
453
00:18:47,097 --> 00:18:48,212
It's kismet.
454
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:51,266
I got rid of yours. You get rid of mine.
455
00:18:51,268 --> 00:18:54,218
Listen, Irish. It was a one-time thing.
456
00:18:54,220 --> 00:18:55,937
You're a guy. You get that.
457
00:18:55,939 --> 00:18:57,939
How could you say it's a one-time thing?
458
00:18:57,941 --> 00:18:59,107
I love you.
459
00:18:59,109 --> 00:19:02,727
I blew up that chipotle for you.
460
00:19:02,729 --> 00:19:04,746
Listen, I appreciate the ink,
461
00:19:04,748 --> 00:19:06,531
but I don't really believe in love,
462
00:19:06,533 --> 00:19:07,565
and truth be told,
463
00:19:07,567 --> 00:19:10,001
I'm not even a fan of Mexican food.
464
00:19:10,003 --> 00:19:12,203
Caroline Channing. This table.
465
00:19:12,205 --> 00:19:14,071
Max, we have to go. My dad's coming.
466
00:19:14,073 --> 00:19:15,740
Okay. Nice to see you, Irish.
467
00:19:15,742 --> 00:19:17,459
Your body looks sick.
468
00:19:17,461 --> 00:19:18,676
Max, hold on.
469
00:19:18,678 --> 00:19:19,844
I'm not going to tell you again to back up.
470
00:19:19,846 --> 00:19:21,429
Max, I'm not going to lose you twice.
471
00:19:21,431 --> 00:19:22,680
I said, back up!
472
00:19:22,682 --> 00:19:23,798
Don't tell me to back up.
473
00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:25,266
That's the love of my life.
474
00:19:25,268 --> 00:19:27,418
Come on, dude. Hit the pike.
475
00:19:27,420 --> 00:19:28,803
Calm down.
476
00:19:28,805 --> 00:19:29,921
Don't tell me to calm down!
477
00:19:34,426 --> 00:19:36,528
Visiting hours are over! Everybody out!
478
00:19:36,530 --> 00:19:37,779
No, no, no, wait! I can't leave.
479
00:19:37,781 --> 00:19:40,398
Damn!
480
00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:41,933
Oh, wait. There's my father.
481
00:19:41,935 --> 00:19:43,368
I can see him, he's just coming in.
482
00:19:43,370 --> 00:19:45,453
Oh, daddy. Daddy...
Hi!
483
00:19:47,156 --> 00:19:49,324
Well, thank you very much, ladies.
484
00:19:49,326 --> 00:19:52,610
My man was barely in
when I got pulled out.
485
00:19:52,612 --> 00:19:56,297
I would like to apologize to everyone
486
00:19:56,299 --> 00:19:58,950
for taking the bang out of the bus,
487
00:19:58,952 --> 00:20:00,835
but in my own defense,
488
00:20:00,837 --> 00:20:04,121
everyone here knows a little
something about crazy guys.
489
00:20:04,123 --> 00:20:06,641
Sit yo ass back down!
490
00:20:06,643 --> 00:20:09,177
Max, sit down before you start another riot.
491
00:20:09,179 --> 00:20:10,795
I'm sorry. I blew it.
492
00:20:10,797 --> 00:20:12,597
I screwed up your chance
to see your father.
493
00:20:12,599 --> 00:20:13,848
I screwed up your party.
494
00:20:13,850 --> 00:20:16,467
I even screwed up the
easiest birthday thing to do,
495
00:20:16,469 --> 00:20:17,819
like get a cake.
496
00:20:17,821 --> 00:20:19,637
I'm a terrible BFF.
497
00:20:19,639 --> 00:20:20,855
It's okay.
498
00:20:20,857 --> 00:20:22,607
Really, it's fine.
499
00:20:22,609 --> 00:20:23,975
With the year I'm having,
500
00:20:23,977 --> 00:20:25,276
it's not like you could've
made everything better
501
00:20:25,278 --> 00:20:27,028
just by getting me a cake.
502
00:20:27,030 --> 00:20:30,882
Well, no. Not just any cake.
503
00:20:34,420 --> 00:20:36,320
Just as good as I remember it.
504
00:20:36,322 --> 00:20:39,007
Best 40 bucks we ever spent.
505
00:20:39,009 --> 00:20:41,209
And this birthday turned out
to be all right.
506
00:20:41,211 --> 00:20:42,544
I did get what I wanted.
507
00:20:42,546 --> 00:20:43,628
I got see my father.
508
00:20:43,630 --> 00:20:46,497
It was only for a second,
but I saw him.
509
00:20:46,499 --> 00:20:48,883
And he saw me. So thank you.
510
00:20:48,885 --> 00:20:52,103
Yeah, and I got to see Irish.
511
00:20:52,105 --> 00:20:54,672
Think he might be
the one that got away.
512
00:20:54,674 --> 00:20:56,774
Well, the one that got put away.
513
00:20:56,776 --> 00:20:59,027
You know, you and I are better than BFFs.
514
00:20:59,029 --> 00:21:00,728
We're BBFs.
515
00:21:00,730 --> 00:21:04,532
Bangbus friends.
36009
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof