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1
00:00:03,328 --> 00:00:04,563
Here you go, Earl.
2
00:00:04,599 --> 00:00:07,802
Table 12 throwing down
a credit card on a patty melt.
3
00:00:07,803 --> 00:00:11,138
They really need
those eight airline miles?
4
00:00:11,139 --> 00:00:13,207
Where they going... New Jersey?
5
00:00:13,208 --> 00:00:16,410
Credit cards are the downfall of America.
6
00:00:16,411 --> 00:00:20,548
Well, credit cards and Kim Kardashian.
7
00:00:20,549 --> 00:00:24,785
I like her big ass
as much as the next man,
8
00:00:24,786 --> 00:00:29,090
but don't go give
the damn butt a franchise.
9
00:00:29,091 --> 00:00:32,359
Max, I can take a lot.
10
00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:34,095
Please keep your sex life to yourself.
11
00:00:34,096 --> 00:00:36,997
I handled it
when I lost my fortune,
12
00:00:36,998 --> 00:00:38,933
and I handled it
when I lost my fortune.
13
00:00:38,934 --> 00:00:40,534
You said that twice.
14
00:00:40,535 --> 00:00:42,837
Because I think it bears repeating.
15
00:00:42,838 --> 00:00:44,371
But this is too much.
16
00:00:44,372 --> 00:00:49,977
That couple that just left...
a $50 check, a $1.47 tip.
17
00:00:49,978 --> 00:00:51,712
47 cents?
18
00:00:51,713 --> 00:00:54,148
Uh, I wasn't even aware they
were still making pennies.
19
00:00:54,149 --> 00:00:59,086
I smiled and bent over
backwards, giving them service...
20
00:00:59,087 --> 00:01:01,722
all for $1.47?
21
00:01:01,723 --> 00:01:04,992
This makes me the lowest-paid
hooker in New York.
22
00:01:04,993 --> 00:01:08,062
All right, give me that check.
I'll handle this.
23
00:01:13,001 --> 00:01:14,235
Hey!
24
00:01:14,236 --> 00:01:16,003
Was something wrong with the service
25
00:01:16,004 --> 00:01:17,438
my girl over here gave you?
26
00:01:17,439 --> 00:01:20,107
No. Tipping's an option.
27
00:01:20,108 --> 00:01:22,176
So is me spitting in your food.
28
00:01:22,177 --> 00:01:23,310
You might want to remember that
29
00:01:23,311 --> 00:01:25,813
the next time you leave
a waitress pennies.
30
00:01:25,814 --> 00:01:27,481
I'm sorry. I didn't know.
31
00:01:27,482 --> 00:01:30,751
This was our first
and last date.
32
00:01:30,752 --> 00:01:32,553
Sorry, dude.
33
00:01:32,554 --> 00:01:33,787
Looks like this little tip
34
00:01:33,788 --> 00:01:38,359
just lost you the chance
to give her your little tip.
35
00:01:53,573 --> 00:01:54,630
Max, come in, sit down.
36
00:01:54,726 --> 00:01:56,126
There's something
we have to talk about.
37
00:01:56,127 --> 00:01:57,561
This can't be about my drinking.
38
00:01:57,562 --> 00:02:00,497
I don't have the money
to be a real alcoholic.
39
00:02:00,498 --> 00:02:02,466
Can you sit in that chair, please?
40
00:02:02,467 --> 00:02:03,867
I never sit in that chair.
41
00:02:03,868 --> 00:02:05,702
Well, today we're doing things differently...
42
00:02:10,108 --> 00:02:12,009
And I went to Starbucks
43
00:02:12,010 --> 00:02:13,944
and got you a coffee
and a vanilla bear claw.
44
00:02:13,945 --> 00:02:16,313
A Bear Claw? Awesome!
I'll sit anywhere you want.
45
00:02:18,349 --> 00:02:20,150
My life is not where I want it to be.
46
00:02:20,151 --> 00:02:22,886
That $1.47 tip
was a wake-up call
47
00:02:22,887 --> 00:02:25,622
reminding me that life
will always undervalue you
48
00:02:25,623 --> 00:02:26,923
if you let it.
49
00:02:26,924 --> 00:02:28,358
Yes, I've been knocked down,
50
00:02:28,359 --> 00:02:31,194
but now it's time to fight back
and grab life by the balls.
51
00:02:31,195 --> 00:02:34,965
I don't know if life likes
having its balls grabbed.
52
00:02:34,966 --> 00:02:37,367
Some guys do, but those
are usually the ones
53
00:02:37,368 --> 00:02:39,803
who want you to spoon them.
54
00:02:39,804 --> 00:02:42,339
I'd like to explain
my vision for our future
55
00:02:42,340 --> 00:02:44,808
by walking you through...
56
00:02:44,809 --> 00:02:46,376
My vision board.
57
00:02:46,377 --> 00:02:48,745
- Oh, no.
- It's a simple tool.
58
00:02:48,746 --> 00:02:50,647
You're a simple tool.
59
00:02:50,648 --> 00:02:52,783
You start with a thin, white board...
60
00:02:52,784 --> 00:02:55,786
Your thin, white, and I'm bored.
61
00:02:55,787 --> 00:02:57,988
Keep going.
I can do this all day.
62
00:02:57,989 --> 00:02:59,689
I have a Bear Claw in me.
63
00:02:59,690 --> 00:03:01,558
I've been making
vision boards for years,
64
00:03:01,559 --> 00:03:03,360
and I always achieve my goals.
65
00:03:03,361 --> 00:03:04,861
And you think
it's that crazy little board
66
00:03:04,862 --> 00:03:06,663
and not your father's billions?
67
00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:07,964
- Max, it works.
68
00:03:07,965 --> 00:03:09,699
You put up pictures
and inspirational words
69
00:03:09,700 --> 00:03:10,867
of things you want in your life.
70
00:03:10,868 --> 00:03:13,437
See? I have success,
a cupcake business,
71
00:03:13,438 --> 00:03:16,073
and a picture
of a beautiful new bed.
72
00:03:16,074 --> 00:03:18,308
Ah, the ones at the Asylum
look different than that,
73
00:03:18,309 --> 00:03:20,043
so don't get attached.
74
00:03:20,044 --> 00:03:22,345
Sleeping on that couch
is holding me back.
75
00:03:22,346 --> 00:03:23,847
I never get
a restful night's sleep,
76
00:03:23,848 --> 00:03:25,449
and I need a good nine hours.
77
00:03:25,450 --> 00:03:28,485
What you need
is a good nine inches.
78
00:03:31,456 --> 00:03:34,191
That should be
on your vision board.
79
00:03:34,192 --> 00:03:38,795
It is... on the back.
80
00:03:38,796 --> 00:03:40,063
Nice.
81
00:03:40,064 --> 00:03:42,499
Now, unless you're willing
to switch the bedroom
82
00:03:42,500 --> 00:03:43,500
every other week...
83
00:03:43,501 --> 00:03:45,368
No, that sounds mormon.
84
00:03:45,369 --> 00:03:48,371
Then I want to install
a murphy bed in here.
85
00:03:48,372 --> 00:03:50,373
The bed folds up against
the wall during the day,
86
00:03:50,374 --> 00:03:52,709
so you'd still maintain
your signature Williamsburg
87
00:03:52,710 --> 00:03:55,278
"I don't care about anything
chic or nice" decor.
88
00:03:55,279 --> 00:03:57,514
Who's going to build it?
'Cause it's not me.
89
00:03:57,515 --> 00:03:59,015
I'm already
being taken advantage of
90
00:03:59,016 --> 00:04:00,350
at my babysitting job.
91
00:04:00,351 --> 00:04:02,152
Peach has me lugging things
back and forth
92
00:04:02,153 --> 00:04:04,020
to help with the twins'
first birthday party.
93
00:04:04,021 --> 00:04:06,690
I've been sorting through
clown resumes for a week.
94
00:04:06,691 --> 00:04:09,259
Peach is throwing a birthday party?
95
00:04:09,260 --> 00:04:11,128
Did you ask her
if we can cater the desserts?
96
00:04:11,129 --> 00:04:13,864
She hires fancy people
with real companies.
97
00:04:13,865 --> 00:04:15,031
We're not a real business.
98
00:04:15,032 --> 00:04:16,933
See? This is what I'm talking about.
99
00:04:16,934 --> 00:04:19,569
You mock the vision board, but look...
100
00:04:19,570 --> 00:04:20,971
here it is, our cupcake shop.
101
00:04:20,972 --> 00:04:23,106
I don't think we can both
fit in there.
102
00:04:23,107 --> 00:04:25,542
Max, you have to start imagining
103
00:04:25,543 --> 00:04:26,776
what our life can be.
104
00:04:26,777 --> 00:04:30,113
You deserve a cupcake shop,
and I deserve a new bed.
105
00:04:30,114 --> 00:04:32,015
All you have to do is dream it.
106
00:04:32,016 --> 00:04:34,851
No, all you have to do is do it.
107
00:04:34,852 --> 00:04:36,686
And for you to build
a Murphy bed,
108
00:04:36,687 --> 00:04:37,821
it'll take a miracle.
109
00:04:37,822 --> 00:04:41,191
So unless you have Jesus
or Jesus
110
00:04:41,192 --> 00:04:43,360
on that board...
111
00:04:43,361 --> 00:04:44,961
Not going to happen.
112
00:04:46,397 --> 00:04:47,664
Who is it?
113
00:04:47,665 --> 00:04:50,133
It's Jesus...
114
00:04:51,455 --> 00:04:54,524
From Williamsburg hardware.
115
00:04:55,641 --> 00:04:59,410
We got your do-it-yourself
Murphy bed.
116
00:04:59,433 --> 00:05:01,201
See how I made that happen?
117
00:05:01,202 --> 00:05:02,302
Vision.
118
00:05:02,303 --> 00:05:05,605
So which one of them
has the nine inches?
119
00:05:09,277 --> 00:05:11,178
Guess what I did today?
120
00:05:11,264 --> 00:05:13,732
Jesus?
121
00:05:13,793 --> 00:05:14,927
What do you think?
122
00:05:14,928 --> 00:05:16,995
I think the bed still isn't built.
123
00:05:16,996 --> 00:05:18,330
No, but it's almost finished.
124
00:05:18,331 --> 00:05:19,732
Look...
125
00:05:19,733 --> 00:05:21,367
Notice anything different
about me?
126
00:05:21,368 --> 00:05:23,135
I have answer.
127
00:05:23,136 --> 00:05:24,536
You had boob job.
128
00:05:24,537 --> 00:05:26,972
Your "b"s
have turned into "c"s,
129
00:05:26,973 --> 00:05:29,341
and for that,
I give you an "a."
130
00:05:29,342 --> 00:05:32,344
No, I had my uniform altered.
131
00:05:32,345 --> 00:05:34,513
Yes, life dealt me a bad uniform,
132
00:05:34,514 --> 00:05:35,748
but with a little vision,
133
00:05:35,749 --> 00:05:38,117
I can shape it
the way it works best for me.
134
00:05:38,118 --> 00:05:39,885
That should be a tip
in your inspirational book,
135
00:05:39,886 --> 00:05:40,886
which I'm guessing is called
136
00:05:40,887 --> 00:05:42,654
cutting pictures
out of magazines
137
00:05:42,655 --> 00:05:45,124
isn't just
for serial killers anymore.
138
00:05:45,125 --> 00:05:47,192
And this is exciting... look.
139
00:05:47,193 --> 00:05:49,094
The other really important thing
I did today...
140
00:05:49,095 --> 00:05:50,229
made us business cards.
141
00:05:50,230 --> 00:05:51,263
Now you can give one to Peach
142
00:05:51,264 --> 00:05:52,664
and throw our hat
into the party ring.
143
00:05:52,665 --> 00:05:54,767
You're her babysitter.
You already have a connection.
144
00:05:54,768 --> 00:05:58,537
Yeah, a connection
to her babies' asses.
145
00:05:58,538 --> 00:06:00,406
See? That's your limited vision.
146
00:06:00,407 --> 00:06:02,141
Plus, Peach is interviewing
this gay guy
147
00:06:02,142 --> 00:06:03,475
who used to work
for Martha Stewart.
148
00:06:03,476 --> 00:06:06,145
I mean, gay, Martha Stewart...
we can't top that.
149
00:06:06,146 --> 00:06:08,981
Just give her the cards.
We have to start somewhere.
150
00:06:08,982 --> 00:06:10,816
See?
"Max's homemade cupcakes."
151
00:06:10,817 --> 00:06:13,952
And look...
"Max Black, owner/baker."
152
00:06:13,953 --> 00:06:16,054
"Owner/baker"?
153
00:06:16,055 --> 00:06:17,923
That's pretty cool.
154
00:06:17,924 --> 00:06:19,191
See? There it is.
155
00:06:19,192 --> 00:06:20,292
It's real.
156
00:06:20,293 --> 00:06:21,627
But the name sucks a big one.
157
00:06:21,628 --> 00:06:23,662
"Homemade"...
it sounds like homeschooled,
158
00:06:23,663 --> 00:06:25,063
like we're churning out
cupcakes
159
00:06:25,064 --> 00:06:28,434
that aren't comfortable
around other people.
160
00:06:29,469 --> 00:06:31,537
Or it sounds delicious.
161
00:06:31,538 --> 00:06:33,939
And the cupcake on the card
has a cherry on it.
162
00:06:33,940 --> 00:06:35,774
My cupcakes
don't have a cherry...
163
00:06:35,775 --> 00:06:38,510
haven't since I was 13.
164
00:06:47,620 --> 00:06:50,522
If you could really get
under his shoulder blades...
165
00:06:50,523 --> 00:06:53,959
that's where he carries
all his stress.
166
00:06:53,960 --> 00:06:55,961
Don't say your real thoughts.
167
00:06:55,962 --> 00:06:57,329
Don't say your real thoughts.
168
00:06:57,330 --> 00:07:01,433
Max, we're using our spa voice today.
169
00:07:01,434 --> 00:07:03,335
Use my spa voice?
Okay.
170
00:07:03,336 --> 00:07:05,737
I can't afford this.
171
00:07:05,738 --> 00:07:08,207
I want you to make sure
172
00:07:08,208 --> 00:07:10,042
the twins drink lots of water after,
173
00:07:10,043 --> 00:07:11,877
you know, to flush out
the toxins.
174
00:07:11,878 --> 00:07:13,045
Toxins?
175
00:07:13,046 --> 00:07:14,413
All they drink is breast milk.
176
00:07:14,414 --> 00:07:16,315
I can't be sure
what the woman I buy that from
177
00:07:16,316 --> 00:07:17,683
puts in her body.
178
00:07:17,684 --> 00:07:21,186
We're all so tense
about the birthday party.
179
00:07:21,187 --> 00:07:22,654
If everything isn't perfect,
180
00:07:22,655 --> 00:07:24,923
how will they live
with the shame?
181
00:07:25,925 --> 00:07:28,527
Um, Peach, um...
182
00:07:28,528 --> 00:07:30,529
Speaking of the... the party,
183
00:07:30,530 --> 00:07:34,633
uh, I-I started this,
um, thing,
184
00:07:34,634 --> 00:07:36,268
and it's probably dumb, but...
185
00:07:36,269 --> 00:07:37,536
I don't need it.
Like, I'm fine.
186
00:07:37,537 --> 00:07:38,971
I don't need it.
It's just more like...
187
00:07:38,972 --> 00:07:40,806
like a... like a...
Favor.
188
00:07:40,807 --> 00:07:43,375
Um, but, uh, the thing is,
there's the cards,
189
00:07:43,376 --> 00:07:44,977
so I was thinking may...
"maybly"...
190
00:07:44,978 --> 00:07:47,346
"maybly"? What's that?
It's not a word, right?
191
00:07:47,347 --> 00:07:49,681
- I was not saying a word.
- I'm sorry.
192
00:07:49,682 --> 00:07:53,018
I'm done with whatever this is
that you're doing.
193
00:07:53,019 --> 00:07:54,920
I have to go meet
the Martha Stewart queen
194
00:07:54,921 --> 00:07:56,088
and hear his party pitch.
195
00:07:56,089 --> 00:07:57,155
Just remember,
196
00:07:57,156 --> 00:07:59,925
at 3:00, the twins
have their spray tans.
197
00:08:02,929 --> 00:08:06,732
Well, that's exactly
how I envisioned that.
198
00:08:10,521 --> 00:08:12,522
Let me see
what you're drawing, Johnny.
199
00:08:12,523 --> 00:08:14,057
A rat with a civil war hat.
200
00:08:14,058 --> 00:08:17,361
Is that your comment on how
politicians view soldiers?
201
00:08:17,421 --> 00:08:20,723
No, it's an actual rat
I saw wearing a hat.
202
00:08:20,724 --> 00:08:23,726
See, when you tend bar
till 4:00 a.m.,
203
00:08:23,727 --> 00:08:25,461
you see a lot of weird stuff.
204
00:08:25,462 --> 00:08:27,029
And when you waitress
till 2:00,
205
00:08:27,030 --> 00:08:29,866
you see a loser
drawing a rat on a napkin.
206
00:08:30,868 --> 00:08:31,901
Now sign it, please.
207
00:08:31,902 --> 00:08:33,102
Hmm.
208
00:08:33,155 --> 00:08:34,990
You realize my art won't be
worth anything till I'm dead?
209
00:08:35,239 --> 00:08:36,939
Why do you think
I keep inviting you here to eat
210
00:08:36,940 --> 00:08:38,241
week after week?
211
00:08:43,001 --> 00:08:43,868
Question...
212
00:08:43,878 --> 00:08:45,713
how does it feel
to be the owner
213
00:08:45,714 --> 00:08:47,314
of an original piece
of napkin art
214
00:08:47,315 --> 00:08:48,749
worth roughly...
215
00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:50,851
Less than the worth
of the napkin?
216
00:09:00,428 --> 00:09:01,829
Well, I got to get
back to work.
217
00:09:01,830 --> 00:09:03,063
All right, bye.
218
00:09:04,666 --> 00:09:07,835
Pick up... table ten.
219
00:09:07,836 --> 00:09:09,169
I watch you over there.
220
00:09:09,170 --> 00:09:13,040
Much sexual tension
with deadbeat bartender.
221
00:09:13,041 --> 00:09:15,776
He's not just a bartender.
He's a street artist.
222
00:09:15,777 --> 00:09:18,479
And all I did was bite
a piece of celery.
223
00:09:18,480 --> 00:09:22,082
When I think of all the times
I asked you to bite my celery...
224
00:09:23,351 --> 00:09:25,986
And nothing.
225
00:09:28,289 --> 00:09:31,058
Okay, my side work's done,
and my tables are all caught up.
226
00:09:31,059 --> 00:09:32,860
So, tell me,
did you give Peach the card?
227
00:09:32,861 --> 00:09:33,761
No, I didn't.
228
00:09:33,901 --> 00:09:34,968
- Why?
- It was like
229
00:09:35,017 --> 00:09:36,551
my mouth wouldn't
let me do it.
230
00:09:36,552 --> 00:09:37,652
That's crazy.
231
00:09:37,653 --> 00:09:39,120
What's so hard
about going up to Peach
232
00:09:39,121 --> 00:09:40,521
and saying,
"good afternoon, Peach."
233
00:09:40,522 --> 00:09:42,423
"Exciting news...
I started a cupcake business."
234
00:09:42,424 --> 00:09:43,591
"Here's our card."
235
00:09:43,592 --> 00:09:44,959
"Please pass them out
to all your friends,
236
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,227
and help us launch our exciting
new business venture."
237
00:09:46,228 --> 00:09:47,261
"Thank you."
238
00:09:47,262 --> 00:09:48,596
That sounds needy,
239
00:09:48,597 --> 00:09:51,966
like when someone asks you
to come to their one-woman show.
240
00:09:51,967 --> 00:09:53,201
"Somebody date-raped me,
241
00:09:53,202 --> 00:09:54,702
and I didn't think
I'd live through it,
242
00:09:54,703 --> 00:09:56,337
but I did,
and now I'm stronger,
243
00:09:56,338 --> 00:09:58,739
and, uh, still needy."
244
00:09:58,740 --> 00:10:01,309
There is nothing needy
about having a quality product
245
00:10:01,310 --> 00:10:02,643
and wanting it out there.
246
00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,579
Look at Earl... he has a CD on display.
247
00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:06,013
Yeah, but he's cool about it.
248
00:10:06,014 --> 00:10:07,782
He doesn't get all
late-night infomercial
249
00:10:07,783 --> 00:10:09,617
and shove them
down people's throats.
250
00:10:09,618 --> 00:10:11,352
Earl?
251
00:10:11,353 --> 00:10:13,988
How many CDs have you sold
at the diner?
252
00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:17,792
Well, in this current economy...
253
00:10:17,793 --> 00:10:20,428
It's been pretty light.
254
00:10:20,429 --> 00:10:22,897
- May I?
- Mm-hmm.
255
00:10:22,898 --> 00:10:25,166
Hi.
256
00:10:25,167 --> 00:10:27,468
You guys
look like music lovers.
257
00:10:27,469 --> 00:10:30,838
This is the best saxophone CD
you will ever hear...
258
00:10:30,839 --> 00:10:32,740
recorded by our cashier Earl Samson.
259
00:10:32,741 --> 00:10:33,875
He's played
with all the greats...
260
00:10:33,876 --> 00:10:35,910
Coltrane, Hancock,
even Bacharach.
261
00:10:35,911 --> 00:10:38,412
His music career derailed
due to a heroin addiction,
262
00:10:38,413 --> 00:10:40,514
but now he's clean and sober
263
00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:45,052
and, at 83,
still following his dream.
264
00:10:45,053 --> 00:10:47,788
Only $9.95 a copy.
Who'd like one?
265
00:10:47,789 --> 00:10:50,791
Thank you!
266
00:10:50,792 --> 00:10:52,593
Earl, four CDs.
267
00:10:52,594 --> 00:10:55,029
Is any of that true?
268
00:10:55,030 --> 00:10:59,467
Nope. She even made up
my damn last name.
269
00:10:59,468 --> 00:11:05,439
That girl can sell.
270
00:11:05,440 --> 00:11:06,841
Oh! Max...
271
00:11:06,842 --> 00:11:08,709
Will you come
look at Brangelina?
272
00:11:08,710 --> 00:11:11,445
I think the spray-tan lady
went a little too far.
273
00:11:11,446 --> 00:11:16,183
I wanted them to look tan,
not foreign.
274
00:11:16,184 --> 00:11:17,952
A little lebanese,
275
00:11:17,953 --> 00:11:20,454
but that'll clear up
in a day or two.
276
00:11:20,455 --> 00:11:22,490
I'm having the worst day.
277
00:11:22,491 --> 00:11:25,893
Jessica Seinfeld stole
the Martha Stewart boy.
278
00:11:25,894 --> 00:11:27,628
I am so upset with her.
279
00:11:27,629 --> 00:11:29,563
I thought we were pretending
to be friends.
280
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:32,266
And now I have no one
to do the desserts.
281
00:11:38,206 --> 00:11:40,007
- Hello, Peach, exciting news...
282
00:11:40,008 --> 00:11:42,310
I have a cupcake business.
They're really good.
283
00:11:42,311 --> 00:11:44,078
Give these to your friends
and help launch
284
00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:45,246
a new business
or whatever.
285
00:11:45,247 --> 00:11:47,448
That's it. I did it.
Boom!
286
00:11:50,719 --> 00:11:52,253
Okay, the bed still isn't built.
287
00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:55,122
But the mattress came,
and it's so good.
288
00:11:55,123 --> 00:11:57,291
Oh, no... this is not okay.
289
00:11:57,292 --> 00:11:59,961
We're not keeping a mattress
on the floor.
290
00:11:59,962 --> 00:12:03,397
We're poor,
not crackheads.
291
00:12:03,398 --> 00:12:04,765
And you tricked me.
292
00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:07,301
I did my part,
so you better get this bed done.
293
00:12:07,302 --> 00:12:08,803
Max, you gave Peach the cards.
294
00:12:08,804 --> 00:12:10,905
I'm so proud of you.
What did she say?
295
00:12:10,906 --> 00:12:13,341
No. Shut it. Do it.
296
00:12:13,342 --> 00:12:15,076
Relax. The bed will be assembled
297
00:12:15,077 --> 00:12:16,844
and hidden in the wall
by the end of the day,
298
00:12:16,845 --> 00:12:18,012
'cause I decided to do
299
00:12:18,013 --> 00:12:19,747
what cute girls
have been doing for centuries.
300
00:12:19,748 --> 00:12:21,349
I asked a guy for help.
301
00:12:21,350 --> 00:12:23,017
You called a guy?
302
00:12:23,018 --> 00:12:25,286
Oh, is he going to climb up
your long blonde hair
303
00:12:25,287 --> 00:12:28,823
and rescue you
from your murphy-bed tower?
304
00:12:28,824 --> 00:12:30,624
Wait.
You don't know any guys.
305
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:31,625
Who did you invite?
306
00:12:31,626 --> 00:12:34,328
- Johnny.
- No. No, no, no, no.
307
00:12:34,329 --> 00:12:36,130
Eh, I don't want to see Johnny.
308
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:38,332
I had a weird thing with him
at the diner last night.
309
00:12:38,333 --> 00:12:39,900
I thought you guys were friends.
310
00:12:39,901 --> 00:12:41,369
I don't know what we are.
311
00:12:41,370 --> 00:12:44,071
He was fake interviewing me
with a celery stalk...
312
00:12:44,072 --> 00:12:46,273
'Cause you're both grown-ups.
313
00:12:46,274 --> 00:12:48,009
And when he put it
near my mouth,
314
00:12:48,010 --> 00:12:49,610
I thought he wanted me
to bite it, so I...
315
00:12:49,611 --> 00:12:51,545
- You bit it?
- I bit it!
316
00:12:51,546 --> 00:12:54,715
- That is weird
and humiliating and hot.
317
00:12:54,716 --> 00:12:56,650
Yes, yes, and, yes.
Call him right now!
318
00:12:56,651 --> 00:12:58,386
He can't come over here.
Look around!
319
00:12:58,387 --> 00:13:00,121
I have his napkins
hanging up everywhere.
320
00:13:00,122 --> 00:13:03,224
He'll think I'm dexter.
321
00:13:04,693 --> 00:13:06,360
Don't answer that.
322
00:13:06,361 --> 00:13:08,796
- Don't you...
- Come on in, Johnny.
323
00:13:08,797 --> 00:13:10,364
Yes, I did it.
I need a bed.
324
00:13:10,365 --> 00:13:11,532
You are so selfish!
325
00:13:11,533 --> 00:13:13,100
Yes, I'm selfish,
and you're Dexter.
326
00:13:13,101 --> 00:13:15,336
So, quick... help me take down the napkins.
327
00:13:15,337 --> 00:13:16,771
Oh, god, there are so many!
328
00:13:16,772 --> 00:13:19,573
How come I never noticed
how many there were before?
329
00:13:19,574 --> 00:13:21,008
I don't know.
Same reason you didn't notice
330
00:13:21,009 --> 00:13:23,210
your father stealing
everybody's money.
331
00:13:23,211 --> 00:13:25,713
Really? Really?
Now when I'm helping you?
332
00:13:25,714 --> 00:13:27,748
You're right.
We'll trash you later.
333
00:13:27,749 --> 00:13:30,451
Why don't you just ask him
what the celery moment meant?
334
00:13:30,452 --> 00:13:32,053
I don't want to ask him.
335
00:13:32,054 --> 00:13:33,621
You don't want to ask
anybody anything.
336
00:13:33,622 --> 00:13:35,056
It's not like the business cards.
337
00:13:35,057 --> 00:13:36,090
What am I going to say?
338
00:13:36,091 --> 00:13:37,124
"Good afternoon, Johnny."
339
00:13:37,125 --> 00:13:38,492
"Exciting news... I have started
340
00:13:38,493 --> 00:13:41,896
an oddly sexual
celery-biting business."
341
00:13:43,165 --> 00:13:45,433
Be right there, Johnny!
342
00:13:50,272 --> 00:13:53,107
Yo.
343
00:13:56,411 --> 00:13:57,678
So I brought tools...
per your request...
344
00:13:57,679 --> 00:14:00,214
and beer, I made
an executive decision on.
345
00:14:01,450 --> 00:14:03,250
So that's what you do
with my art.
346
00:14:03,251 --> 00:14:06,120
Just one, and I put it up there.
347
00:14:06,121 --> 00:14:07,588
She doesn't even like it... she's like,
348
00:14:07,589 --> 00:14:10,524
"why would anyone hang up
stupid napkin art?"
349
00:14:10,525 --> 00:14:12,359
Right off my back.
350
00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:15,129
Had a couple of these
on the subway.
351
00:14:15,130 --> 00:14:16,897
So here's the wood.
352
00:14:16,898 --> 00:14:18,365
You can't help her...
353
00:14:18,366 --> 00:14:20,634
she needs to learn a lesson
about doing things for herself.
354
00:14:20,635 --> 00:14:23,471
She thinks we're her daddy,
and we'll go back on our word,
355
00:14:23,472 --> 00:14:25,206
and she'll get a pony.
356
00:14:28,176 --> 00:14:29,877
Well, you can see
why she'd think that.
357
00:14:29,878 --> 00:14:32,279
I'm going to see
if the horse wants a beer.
358
00:14:32,280 --> 00:14:35,182
Hmm, maybe put my glasses on him...
359
00:14:35,183 --> 00:14:38,486
get crazy up in this piece!
360
00:14:38,487 --> 00:14:41,589
When you're out there,
ask him what the celery meant.
361
00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:44,558
Get busy, princess.
Daddy's got company.
362
00:14:46,361 --> 00:14:49,731
Well, little lady,
I reckon a cowboy'd get used to
363
00:14:49,732 --> 00:14:51,766
a pretty sweet setup like this.
364
00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:53,801
It's a hard life
out on the trails.
365
00:14:53,802 --> 00:14:55,570
Yeah, it's hard
for my people, too,
366
00:14:55,571 --> 00:14:56,938
since you stole all our land
367
00:14:56,939 --> 00:14:59,540
and gave us blankets
covered in smallpox.
368
00:14:59,541 --> 00:15:00,908
I do declare,
369
00:15:00,909 --> 00:15:02,777
I'm sorry
for the disease blankets.
370
00:15:02,778 --> 00:15:04,779
But they did
keep you warm, I bet,
371
00:15:04,780 --> 00:15:06,714
until they killed you, that is.
372
00:15:06,715 --> 00:15:08,783
"I do declare" is not cowboy.
373
00:15:08,784 --> 00:15:09,951
That's Southern Belle.
374
00:15:09,952 --> 00:15:12,053
I think you're looking
for "darn tootin'"
375
00:15:12,054 --> 00:15:13,154
or "dag nab it."
376
00:15:13,155 --> 00:15:14,856
Cowboys did not say "dag nab it."
377
00:15:14,857 --> 00:15:16,090
Yeah, they did.
378
00:15:16,091 --> 00:15:19,393
"Someone done gone stole
my horse, dag nab it."
379
00:15:19,394 --> 00:15:21,229
I think you're thinking "doggone it."
380
00:15:21,230 --> 00:15:23,397
No, "dag nab it"... cowboy.
381
00:15:23,398 --> 00:15:25,299
Do you really think you know
cowboy better than me?
382
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:26,601
Which one of us has a horse?
383
00:15:26,602 --> 00:15:28,703
Which one of us has assless chaps?
384
00:15:31,907 --> 00:15:33,808
Should I go inside
and help Caroline?
385
00:15:33,809 --> 00:15:36,711
No. I'm sure she's doing just fine.
386
00:15:39,381 --> 00:15:40,848
Can I ask you something?
387
00:15:40,849 --> 00:15:42,216
Sure.
388
00:15:42,217 --> 00:15:45,686
When you put the sss...
389
00:15:45,687 --> 00:15:48,189
we should get on the horse!
390
00:15:48,190 --> 00:15:50,258
- Okay.
- Yeah!
391
00:15:52,194 --> 00:15:55,630
Use three-inch lag screw
392
00:15:55,631 --> 00:15:58,733
to secure ledger board
to wall studs
393
00:15:58,734 --> 00:16:00,802
"aboot" every 12 inches.
394
00:16:00,803 --> 00:16:03,204
Ooh! Your canadian voice is so dull,
395
00:16:03,205 --> 00:16:05,106
I can't understand
a word you're saying.
396
00:16:05,107 --> 00:16:08,976
There's got to be a video
with a better voice.
397
00:16:08,977 --> 00:16:13,347
"How to build a Murphy bed... Morgan Freeman."
398
00:16:15,551 --> 00:16:18,953
Interesting bit of information about horses...
399
00:16:18,954 --> 00:16:20,288
they hurt your balls.
400
00:16:20,289 --> 00:16:22,256
Yeah, mine hurt, too.
401
00:16:22,257 --> 00:16:23,758
You would think after all these years
402
00:16:23,759 --> 00:16:25,760
of riding a horse,
man would have evolved
403
00:16:25,761 --> 00:16:28,095
to have his balls on top
instead of underneath.
404
00:16:28,096 --> 00:16:29,664
Life would be so much easier.
405
00:16:29,665 --> 00:16:32,500
Well, yeah, but I don't see
a lot of old-timey ladies
406
00:16:32,501 --> 00:16:35,703
wanting to get
with the top balls.
407
00:16:38,640 --> 00:16:41,509
Are you thinking
about the celery?
408
00:16:41,510 --> 00:16:43,845
No, I'm still thinking about my balls.
409
00:16:45,714 --> 00:16:49,584
Now I'm thinking about the celery.
410
00:16:49,585 --> 00:16:51,786
That was weird, right?
411
00:16:51,787 --> 00:16:56,490
Not weird, really... more, um, intense.
412
00:16:56,491 --> 00:16:59,927
Intense good or intense bad?
413
00:16:59,928 --> 00:17:02,697
Intense intense.
414
00:17:02,698 --> 00:17:03,664
Whoo.
415
00:17:03,665 --> 00:17:06,567
Whoa. Oh. Did I just grab your...
416
00:17:06,568 --> 00:17:08,569
yeah, I don't know.
"Maybly."
417
00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:11,539
"Maybly"!
That's not a word, right?
418
00:17:11,540 --> 00:17:13,441
- I should...
- I got to get down.
419
00:17:13,442 --> 00:17:14,508
Me too.
420
00:17:14,509 --> 00:17:17,712
My balls.
421
00:17:17,713 --> 00:17:20,214
So take your makeup brush,
422
00:17:20,215 --> 00:17:22,917
take your mirror,
and you want to comb
423
00:17:22,918 --> 00:17:25,019
your eyebrows upwards.
424
00:17:25,020 --> 00:17:26,821
What are you doing?
425
00:17:26,822 --> 00:17:27,922
Okay, okay.
426
00:17:27,923 --> 00:17:30,157
I thought I typed in "Morgan Freeman."
427
00:17:30,158 --> 00:17:34,395
But I'm so tired,
what came up was "more gay men""
428
00:17:36,198 --> 00:17:38,432
but this damon guy is a genius.
429
00:17:38,433 --> 00:17:40,501
If he had a video
on how to build a Murphy bed,
430
00:17:40,502 --> 00:17:42,436
it'd already be done.
431
00:17:42,437 --> 00:17:43,871
Wait. Where's Johnny?
432
00:17:43,872 --> 00:17:45,640
What happened?
Did you ask him?
433
00:17:45,641 --> 00:17:46,974
No, he left.
434
00:17:46,975 --> 00:17:48,209
Out the back?
435
00:17:48,210 --> 00:17:50,611
Yeah, it got even weirder.
436
00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,079
He grabbed my boob.
437
00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:53,848
Or... he didn't grab my...
438
00:17:53,849 --> 00:17:55,049
he grabbed my boob.
439
00:17:55,050 --> 00:17:56,384
I just don't know
whether it was on purpose.
440
00:17:56,385 --> 00:17:58,019
But I asked,
like you told me to,
441
00:17:58,020 --> 00:17:59,520
and now I have
a weird boob moment
442
00:17:59,521 --> 00:18:01,622
to go with my weird
celery moment.
443
00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:04,926
That is very complicated.
444
00:18:04,927 --> 00:18:06,961
But I'm great
with relationship stuff.
445
00:18:06,962 --> 00:18:09,196
So come on over here,
and we'll hammer it all out
446
00:18:09,197 --> 00:18:11,465
while we hammer this all out.
447
00:18:12,267 --> 00:18:13,701
Come on, this is
where you break down
448
00:18:13,702 --> 00:18:15,703
and finally help me
build the bed.
449
00:18:15,704 --> 00:18:18,439
No, this is where I go
to my already-built bed.
450
00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:20,541
And after Peaches today and...
451
00:18:20,542 --> 00:18:22,944
Whatever that was out there
with my boob,
452
00:18:22,945 --> 00:18:25,279
I'm not showing anyone
my cards anymore...
453
00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:26,747
business or personal.
454
00:18:31,287 --> 00:18:34,055
Go in!
455
00:18:34,056 --> 00:18:36,291
Go in! Oh!
456
00:18:43,245 --> 00:18:44,847
What is happening out here?
457
00:18:44,895 --> 00:18:46,962
That's the kind of pounding
that's supposed to happen
458
00:18:46,963 --> 00:18:49,498
after you're in the bed.
459
00:18:49,499 --> 00:18:51,634
I can't do it.
460
00:18:51,635 --> 00:18:54,770
I tried.
I really did, but I can't.
461
00:18:54,771 --> 00:18:57,807
I guess I can't do anything
without my father's money.
462
00:18:57,808 --> 00:18:58,941
You were right.
463
00:18:58,942 --> 00:19:00,543
Trying is embarrassing.
464
00:19:00,544 --> 00:19:02,111
So I'm not going to try
anymore.
465
00:19:02,112 --> 00:19:03,379
I'm sick of it.
466
00:19:03,380 --> 00:19:06,248
I'm going to sleep on that horrible couch
467
00:19:06,249 --> 00:19:08,117
and get bad tips
and cry
468
00:19:08,118 --> 00:19:11,320
every waitress day
for the rest of my life.
469
00:19:12,522 --> 00:19:15,257
Daddy, please.
470
00:19:15,258 --> 00:19:17,093
God, you're a baby.
471
00:19:17,094 --> 00:19:19,662
Okay, I'll help you...
this one time only.
472
00:19:19,663 --> 00:19:21,297
And we're not going
to bond when we do it.
473
00:19:21,298 --> 00:19:22,865
We're not going to high-five
when we finish.
474
00:19:22,866 --> 00:19:24,266
And I don't want to hear
two months from now,
475
00:19:24,267 --> 00:19:25,801
"hey, remember that night
we built the Murphy bed?
476
00:19:25,802 --> 00:19:27,603
That was awesome."
None of that. Got it?
477
00:19:28,638 --> 00:19:29,705
We need the power drill,
478
00:19:29,706 --> 00:19:31,807
1/4-inch bit,
some masonry screws,
479
00:19:31,808 --> 00:19:33,642
and a Bear Claw.
480
00:19:33,643 --> 00:19:35,878
Now delete "eyebrows,"
481
00:19:35,879 --> 00:19:38,147
type in "Murphy bed,"
and let's build this mother.
482
00:19:42,162 --> 00:19:43,829
I can't believe we did it.
483
00:19:43,830 --> 00:19:45,865
Yeah, it looks pretty good.
484
00:19:47,318 --> 00:19:48,286
Oh, Max.
485
00:19:48,309 --> 00:19:51,778
You put the bakery up
on your vision beam.
486
00:19:51,779 --> 00:19:54,714
Say anything more,
and I'll take it down.
487
00:19:56,317 --> 00:19:58,785
Do you know this number?
488
00:19:58,786 --> 00:19:59,986
That's Peach.
489
00:19:59,987 --> 00:20:01,354
- Why would she call you?
- It's about
490
00:20:01,355 --> 00:20:03,423
the cupcake business...
my number's on the card.
491
00:20:05,359 --> 00:20:06,926
Put it on speaker.
492
00:20:06,927 --> 00:20:08,161
Hello?
493
00:20:08,162 --> 00:20:09,963
I found your card
in my baby's room.
494
00:20:09,964 --> 00:20:12,866
I have no idea who you are
or how it got there,
495
00:20:12,867 --> 00:20:14,834
but I'm throwing
a birthday party in a week,
496
00:20:14,835 --> 00:20:16,369
and I thought cupcakes
might be fun.
497
00:20:16,370 --> 00:20:17,771
Oh, they are.
498
00:20:17,772 --> 00:20:19,139
People love cupcakes.
499
00:20:19,140 --> 00:20:21,007
They bring a sense
of whimsy and nostalgia.
500
00:20:21,008 --> 00:20:22,108
That's enough.
501
00:20:22,109 --> 00:20:23,743
Why don't you tell me
502
00:20:23,744 --> 00:20:25,545
some of the other events
you've done?
503
00:20:25,546 --> 00:20:28,048
Oh, well,
we're a start-up company.
504
00:20:28,049 --> 00:20:30,450
Oh, no,
I need a real business.
505
00:20:30,451 --> 00:20:32,152
Bye-bye.
506
00:20:32,153 --> 00:20:35,722
Well, there you go...
complete waste of our time.
507
00:20:35,723 --> 00:20:37,757
See?
Trying is embarrassing.
508
00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:41,227
No. That was great, incredible.
509
00:20:41,228 --> 00:20:43,630
What? She hung up on you.
510
00:20:43,631 --> 00:20:45,498
Yes. But it proves one thing.
511
00:20:45,499 --> 00:20:47,133
The cards... they worked!
512
00:20:47,134 --> 00:20:48,702
This is so inspiring.
513
00:20:48,703 --> 00:20:51,571
First we build a Murphy bed,
next a cupcake business,
514
00:20:51,572 --> 00:20:52,706
then, Max...
515
00:20:52,707 --> 00:20:54,774
Who knows what else?
516
00:20:59,980 --> 00:21:01,815
Uh, adjust the springs?
517
00:21:01,816 --> 00:21:04,517
No, that's perfect.
37485
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