Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,756 --> 00:00:05,155
Hi, it's been 20 minutes.
Have you decided?
2
00:00:05,456 --> 00:00:07,255
Uh, we still need more time,
can you come back?
3
00:00:07,556 --> 00:00:09,655
Sure. And I'm back.
4
00:00:10,756 --> 00:00:13,555
Come on guys you're not buying a house.
Everything sucks.
5
00:00:13,956 --> 00:00:16,355
Pick the thing that sucks the least,
and put it in you mouth.
6
00:00:16,756 --> 00:00:18,655
Max, everyone keeps telling me
they can't decide,
7
00:00:18,956 --> 00:00:20,955
it's like a support group
for bi-sexuals.
8
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,255
Something very magical
about to happen...
9
00:00:25,756 --> 00:00:27,407
Please let it be
the rapture.
10
00:00:27,409 --> 00:00:28,975
I need a day off.
11
00:00:28,977 --> 00:00:32,629
In two minutes,
something very hip is happening.
12
00:00:32,631 --> 00:00:33,797
If you have a camera,
13
00:00:33,799 --> 00:00:36,383
make sure the flash
is on.
14
00:00:36,385 --> 00:00:39,085
Why is he speaking
like that?
15
00:00:39,087 --> 00:00:41,254
Wait a minute.
16
00:00:41,256 --> 00:00:42,806
No one's ordering.
17
00:00:42,808 --> 00:00:45,142
People keep checking the time
on their phones.
18
00:00:45,144 --> 00:00:49,546
Everyone's wearing
matching new balance sneakers.
19
00:00:49,548 --> 00:00:51,031
Flash mob!
20
00:00:52,151 --> 00:00:54,784
♪ Party rockers
in the house tonight ♪
21
00:00:54,786 --> 00:00:56,720
♪ whoo!
Everybody just... ♪
22
00:00:56,722 --> 00:00:58,522
Oh, hell, no!
23
00:00:58,524 --> 00:01:00,273
Caroline, Earl,
code red!
24
00:01:00,275 --> 00:01:02,592
♪ Make you lose your mind ♪
25
00:01:02,594 --> 00:01:05,562
♪ everybody just
have a good time ♪
26
00:01:05,564 --> 00:01:07,063
♪ let's go ♪
27
00:01:07,065 --> 00:01:09,533
♪ party rockers in the... ♪
28
00:01:10,952 --> 00:01:12,502
I couldn't stop disco,
but I'll be damned
29
00:01:12,504 --> 00:01:15,639
if any more of that crap
gets by me.
30
00:01:17,758 --> 00:01:19,843
Why is flash mob over?
31
00:01:19,845 --> 00:01:22,479
Flash mobs were over
a year ago.
32
00:01:22,481 --> 00:01:24,481
Nobody told Han!
33
00:01:24,483 --> 00:01:26,016
I want so bad to be hip.
34
00:01:26,018 --> 00:01:29,085
Start by
never saying that again.
35
00:02:01,931 --> 00:02:04,316
Hello?
36
00:02:04,318 --> 00:02:05,484
Max, phone!
37
00:02:05,486 --> 00:02:07,736
No!
38
00:02:07,738 --> 00:02:09,238
What are you doing?
39
00:02:11,742 --> 00:02:13,242
Only two people
call the wall...
40
00:02:13,244 --> 00:02:14,443
collection agencies
41
00:02:14,445 --> 00:02:16,161
and the landlord, looking
for the original tenant
42
00:02:16,163 --> 00:02:17,079
whose name is on the lease!
43
00:02:17,081 --> 00:02:18,697
- Hang up. Quick!
- Too late.
44
00:02:18,699 --> 00:02:20,415
I've got to man up
and face it.
45
00:02:22,836 --> 00:02:26,237
Hello?
46
00:02:26,239 --> 00:02:28,423
This is what collection agency?
47
00:02:28,425 --> 00:02:31,293
No, my granddaughter Max
is not here.
48
00:02:31,295 --> 00:02:32,911
She died.
49
00:02:32,913 --> 00:02:35,347
On her deathbed,
she said it was the stress
50
00:02:35,349 --> 00:02:38,884
of being constantly harassed
by creditors.
51
00:02:38,886 --> 00:02:40,369
That's juvenile.
52
00:02:40,371 --> 00:02:42,871
Give me the phone.
53
00:02:42,873 --> 00:02:44,856
Hi.
So sorry about that.
54
00:02:44,858 --> 00:02:46,391
What's the issue exactly?
55
00:02:46,393 --> 00:02:48,644
Well, I'm sure
she has every intention...
56
00:02:48,646 --> 00:02:49,945
mm-hmm.
57
00:02:49,947 --> 00:02:51,096
Mm-hmm.
58
00:02:51,098 --> 00:02:52,698
Mm-hmm.
59
00:02:52,700 --> 00:02:53,949
Oh.
60
00:02:53,951 --> 00:02:57,903
Well, you're a doody head.
61
00:02:57,905 --> 00:02:59,404
Never answer the wall.
62
00:02:59,406 --> 00:03:01,523
But what are you
gonna do about it?
63
00:03:01,525 --> 00:03:04,409
You can't just keep lying
to collection agencies.
64
00:03:04,411 --> 00:03:06,662
You have to pay your bills.
I have a system.
65
00:03:06,664 --> 00:03:08,279
I pay everyone
five dollars a week...
66
00:03:08,281 --> 00:03:09,998
just enough to keep them
from freaking out.
67
00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:12,450
It's the methadone-clinic
banking system.
68
00:03:12,452 --> 00:03:15,170
That is a complete waste
of money.
69
00:03:15,172 --> 00:03:17,556
Five dollars won't even cover
the interest you're accruing.
70
00:03:17,558 --> 00:03:19,308
What's the interest rate
on your credit card?
71
00:03:19,310 --> 00:03:20,759
Don't know,
but my interest rate
72
00:03:20,761 --> 00:03:23,011
in the conversation is zero.
73
00:03:23,013 --> 00:03:25,263
Max, how could you
not know that?
74
00:03:25,265 --> 00:03:26,481
That's one of the first things
75
00:03:26,483 --> 00:03:27,966
my father taught me
about finance.
76
00:03:27,968 --> 00:03:30,736
Where...
at Embezzle U.?
77
00:03:35,141 --> 00:03:37,242
Max, I interned
at Merrill Lynch.
78
00:03:37,244 --> 00:03:40,078
Let me help you with this.
It's the least I can do.
79
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,197
I had nowhere to go.
You took me in.
80
00:03:42,199 --> 00:03:44,750
Let me repay my debt to you
by helping with your debt
81
00:03:44,752 --> 00:03:47,536
to everyone in the world,
apparently.
82
00:03:47,538 --> 00:03:48,704
If you keep talking,
83
00:03:48,706 --> 00:03:51,039
I'm going to
Merrill Lynch myself.
84
00:03:51,041 --> 00:03:52,791
I'm one of those people
85
00:03:52,793 --> 00:03:55,711
who gets off on untangling
big, complicated messes.
86
00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:57,462
And since you won't let me
do your hair,
87
00:03:57,464 --> 00:04:00,298
let me do your bills.
88
00:04:00,300 --> 00:04:04,469
You want to do my bills?
89
00:04:09,225 --> 00:04:13,095
Here's my portfolio.
90
00:04:15,181 --> 00:04:17,616
And, uh, if you find
chocolate sprinkles in there,
91
00:04:17,618 --> 00:04:18,984
they're not chocolate...
92
00:04:18,986 --> 00:04:21,103
Or sprinkles.
93
00:04:26,358 --> 00:04:27,542
Okay.
94
00:04:27,544 --> 00:04:29,861
I've divided your bills
into three categories...
95
00:04:29,863 --> 00:04:32,464
"impossible,"
"next to impossible,"
96
00:04:32,466 --> 00:04:36,051
and "how the hell
did that happen?"
97
00:04:36,053 --> 00:04:38,587
And I've divided my roommate
into three categories...
98
00:04:38,589 --> 00:04:40,472
"annoying,"
"super annoying,"
99
00:04:40,474 --> 00:04:43,759
and "how the hell
did that happen?"
100
00:04:44,845 --> 00:04:46,561
I'm closing kitchen
in ten minutes.
101
00:04:46,563 --> 00:04:48,397
I cannot stay later.
102
00:04:48,399 --> 00:04:50,715
I have date with new woman
in my life.
103
00:04:50,717 --> 00:04:52,517
She's very special to me.
104
00:04:52,519 --> 00:04:54,403
I think she may be the one.
105
00:04:54,405 --> 00:04:58,407
You are both welcome
to come watch us have sex.
106
00:04:58,409 --> 00:04:59,908
Just putting it out there.
107
00:04:59,910 --> 00:05:01,860
Just put it back in there.
108
00:05:04,396 --> 00:05:06,531
I'm so excited, I don't even
know where to start.
109
00:05:06,533 --> 00:05:08,200
Drumroll, please.
110
00:05:08,202 --> 00:05:10,585
No?
Okay.
111
00:05:10,587 --> 00:05:12,204
Oh, interesting.
112
00:05:12,206 --> 00:05:13,922
Here we have a bill
from the pet castle,
113
00:05:13,924 --> 00:05:17,092
yet you don't have a pet, and
you've never been to a castle...
114
00:05:17,094 --> 00:05:19,711
Oh, except white castle.
115
00:05:19,713 --> 00:05:21,263
You used a credit card
at white castle?
116
00:05:21,265 --> 00:05:24,415
Yep.
That was good weed.
117
00:05:24,417 --> 00:05:26,351
And the pet thing was
'cause I found a stray
118
00:05:26,353 --> 00:05:27,436
and had to have her
cleaned up
119
00:05:27,438 --> 00:05:28,887
before I could get anyone
to take her.
120
00:05:28,889 --> 00:05:30,889
That would also explain
the charge for neutering.
121
00:05:30,891 --> 00:05:32,691
Nah, actually,
that was for me.
122
00:05:32,693 --> 00:05:34,943
Can't have any more
of these coming out.
123
00:05:34,945 --> 00:05:36,594
Do you really think
124
00:05:36,596 --> 00:05:38,763
it's fiscally smart
to be taking in strays?
125
00:05:38,765 --> 00:05:41,933
Good point.
Move out tonight.
126
00:05:41,935 --> 00:05:44,102
What is this...
a student loan?
127
00:05:44,104 --> 00:05:47,789
Oh, my God.
Max, you went to college?
128
00:05:47,791 --> 00:05:49,825
That wasn't a judgment.
It was just shocking...
129
00:05:49,827 --> 00:05:54,713
kind of like seeing
a baby smoke on the Internet.
130
00:05:55,948 --> 00:05:58,116
I love that kid.
131
00:05:59,418 --> 00:06:02,637
Max, a student loan is
the worst bill you can ignore.
132
00:06:02,639 --> 00:06:04,339
It can never be expunged.
133
00:06:04,341 --> 00:06:06,641
We're breaking out "expunged"
on a weeknight?
134
00:06:06,643 --> 00:06:08,977
You can't run away
from this bill.
135
00:06:08,979 --> 00:06:10,679
I can run away
from anything.
136
00:06:10,681 --> 00:06:14,015
I'm on my fifth identity.
137
00:06:14,017 --> 00:06:15,984
It's just like that
but underwater!
138
00:06:15,986 --> 00:06:16,968
Guys!
139
00:06:16,970 --> 00:06:19,187
Sorry,
we're just closing, guys.
140
00:06:19,189 --> 00:06:21,990
I'll take them, Max.
We need the...
141
00:06:24,494 --> 00:06:27,445
uh, sit anywhere.
142
00:06:29,699 --> 00:06:32,334
What was that roadrunner move
you just pulled?
143
00:06:32,336 --> 00:06:34,336
There's still a smoke outline
of your body
144
00:06:34,338 --> 00:06:36,654
Hanging in the air
out there.
145
00:06:36,656 --> 00:06:39,007
Did Wile E. Coyote
just come in the diner?
146
00:06:39,009 --> 00:06:41,726
- No, but my ex-boyfriend did.
147
00:06:41,728 --> 00:06:44,880
Meep, meep.
148
00:06:47,479 --> 00:06:48,795
Why is William
in Brooklyn?
149
00:06:48,797 --> 00:06:50,514
Why is William
in this diner?
150
00:06:50,516 --> 00:06:53,267
Why is every inbred rich guy
named William?
151
00:06:53,269 --> 00:06:56,854
I don't want to see him.
152
00:06:58,823 --> 00:07:00,157
Max, close the door.
153
00:07:00,159 --> 00:07:01,775
I don't want him
to come in here.
154
00:07:01,777 --> 00:07:05,112
Yeah, 'cause that happens
all the time.
155
00:07:05,114 --> 00:07:06,664
Customers come
in the front door
156
00:07:06,666 --> 00:07:08,165
and make a beeline
through the kitchen
157
00:07:08,167 --> 00:07:13,153
to see if there's a waitress
hiding in the walk-in freezer.
158
00:07:13,155 --> 00:07:14,338
Okay, what is the deal?
159
00:07:14,340 --> 00:07:15,589
Tell me fast.
160
00:07:15,591 --> 00:07:18,659
I'm nipping
like crazy in here.
161
00:07:18,661 --> 00:07:22,829
Ooh, you're smuggling some
gumdrops there, too, ice queen.
162
00:07:22,831 --> 00:07:25,216
His name is William Van Horn,
and he's...
163
00:07:26,885 --> 00:07:28,903
I am leaving for sex.
164
00:07:28,905 --> 00:07:32,473
Last chance for threesome,
foursome, possibly fivesome,
165
00:07:32,475 --> 00:07:36,260
if her sister's train
gets in on time.
166
00:07:36,262 --> 00:07:37,444
Oleg, please.
167
00:07:37,446 --> 00:07:39,196
I don't have time
to be harassed right now.
168
00:07:39,198 --> 00:07:40,297
Oh, okay.
169
00:07:40,299 --> 00:07:43,400
I'll see you
and the gumdrops tomorrow.
170
00:07:45,203 --> 00:07:46,453
Story. Go.
171
00:07:46,455 --> 00:07:48,239
We met
at our parents' companies'
172
00:07:48,241 --> 00:07:49,373
parent company picnic.
173
00:07:49,375 --> 00:07:50,958
His family is
the Boston Van Horns...
174
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:52,042
story.
Stop.
175
00:07:52,044 --> 00:07:53,244
Cut to the end.
Do we hate him?
176
00:07:53,246 --> 00:07:55,529
He dumped me
when I lost all my money...
177
00:07:55,531 --> 00:07:57,665
never called me,
not an email, nothing.
178
00:07:57,667 --> 00:07:59,166
Oh, we hate him.
179
00:07:59,168 --> 00:08:01,418
Wait. Which one's your ex...
the Asian one, the black one?
180
00:08:01,420 --> 00:08:03,971
I'm kidding.
No, seriously.
181
00:08:05,924 --> 00:08:09,643
The white one or the really,
really white one?
182
00:08:11,096 --> 00:08:13,931
Really, really white.
183
00:08:13,933 --> 00:08:16,817
Service, service, service,
184
00:08:16,819 --> 00:08:19,436
service, service, serv...
185
00:08:19,438 --> 00:08:21,188
you heard your bro.
Service him.
186
00:08:21,190 --> 00:08:23,741
Oh, crushed!
187
00:08:23,743 --> 00:08:25,276
Hey, you better be careful,
188
00:08:25,278 --> 00:08:27,027
'cause I can give you a run
for your money.
189
00:08:27,029 --> 00:08:28,329
I don't have any money.
190
00:08:28,331 --> 00:08:30,247
Well, with a body like that,
you don't need any.
191
00:08:30,249 --> 00:08:32,616
- Oh! Ba-bam!
192
00:08:32,618 --> 00:08:34,501
Did you actually think
that was a good line,
193
00:08:34,503 --> 00:08:35,502
or is that what you do
194
00:08:35,504 --> 00:08:37,371
so the check gets paid
by Richie Rich?
195
00:08:37,373 --> 00:08:39,089
Hold on.
Who said I was rich?
196
00:08:39,091 --> 00:08:40,841
- Let me see your Hands.
- What...
197
00:08:40,843 --> 00:08:43,127
looking to see if I have
poor-people calluses?
198
00:08:43,129 --> 00:08:46,647
No, I wanted to see
how big your penis is.
199
00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:50,684
With Hands that size,
you better be rich.
200
00:08:50,686 --> 00:08:53,804
Oh! Shazam!
201
00:08:53,806 --> 00:08:56,440
Not cool, bro.
202
00:08:56,442 --> 00:08:58,642
- What's your name?
- Michelle Obama.
203
00:08:58,644 --> 00:09:00,778
We're closed.
204
00:09:00,780 --> 00:09:03,430
I'm William.
Give me your number.
205
00:09:03,432 --> 00:09:05,449
Why? So you can put it
in your phone
206
00:09:05,451 --> 00:09:07,534
and never call or text
or email?
207
00:09:07,536 --> 00:09:09,036
Seriously.
208
00:09:09,038 --> 00:09:11,238
You wouldn't know what to do
with a good girl if you had one.
209
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,907
But you're not a good girl.
That's why I want your number.
210
00:09:13,909 --> 00:09:15,659
So how about it?
211
00:09:15,661 --> 00:09:17,277
We're closed.
212
00:09:17,279 --> 00:09:18,996
- Your sign says
"open till 2:00."
213
00:09:28,423 --> 00:09:30,841
My, my.
214
00:09:30,843 --> 00:09:33,894
How time does fly.
215
00:09:36,798 --> 00:09:40,100
2:00, gentlemen...
nighty night.
216
00:09:42,487 --> 00:09:44,888
What did I ever do to you?
217
00:09:48,860 --> 00:09:50,327
You didn't mention me,
did you?
218
00:09:50,329 --> 00:09:51,795
Ugh, no.
I just gave him...
219
00:09:51,797 --> 00:09:53,530
just get to the end.
Do you hate him?
220
00:09:53,532 --> 00:09:54,948
I hate him.
221
00:09:54,950 --> 00:09:56,283
That was
the weirdest thing,
222
00:09:56,285 --> 00:09:58,435
seeing him come in here.
223
00:09:58,437 --> 00:10:02,256
No, the weirdest thing
is coming in here right now.
224
00:10:04,342 --> 00:10:06,126
Why no?
225
00:10:06,128 --> 00:10:09,513
Girl at urban outfitter said
it was hip.
226
00:10:09,515 --> 00:10:11,048
You look like a lesbian
227
00:10:11,050 --> 00:10:14,051
I made out with once
on a dare.
228
00:10:16,671 --> 00:10:20,023
Han, you're adorable
exactly as you are.
229
00:10:20,025 --> 00:10:22,976
Why are you trying
to be hip?
230
00:10:22,978 --> 00:10:24,895
To meet girls.
231
00:10:24,897 --> 00:10:28,615
Oh!
232
00:10:31,870 --> 00:10:33,170
It's not that bad in here.
233
00:10:33,172 --> 00:10:34,805
I thought my first trip
to a laundromat
234
00:10:34,807 --> 00:10:36,824
would be
a lot more depressing.
235
00:10:50,371 --> 00:10:52,222
Six years
we spent together,
236
00:10:52,224 --> 00:10:54,975
and now he won't even look
at me.
237
00:10:57,712 --> 00:10:59,346
Oh, not the bag.
238
00:10:59,348 --> 00:11:02,433
I just looked at his bag...
now yours?
239
00:11:02,435 --> 00:11:04,151
Max, it's driving me crazy.
240
00:11:04,153 --> 00:11:06,186
What did you major in
in college?
241
00:11:06,188 --> 00:11:07,855
I majored
in changing topics.
242
00:11:07,857 --> 00:11:09,573
So what did you ever see
in your ex,
243
00:11:09,575 --> 00:11:11,859
the lost Winklevoss twin?
244
00:11:11,861 --> 00:11:13,894
We're not talking
about William.
245
00:11:13,896 --> 00:11:15,562
We're talking
about your bills.
246
00:11:15,564 --> 00:11:17,114
Well, I'm talking
about your Bill!
247
00:11:17,116 --> 00:11:19,716
Oh, face!
Max...
248
00:11:19,718 --> 00:11:21,368
We're trying to start
a cupcake business.
249
00:11:21,370 --> 00:11:23,537
And I can't believe
I'm about to say this
250
00:11:23,539 --> 00:11:25,923
but with my father's
financial baggage,
251
00:11:25,925 --> 00:11:27,624
you're our best chance
for credit.
252
00:11:27,626 --> 00:11:30,076
Listen, everybody's broke
in their 20s.
253
00:11:30,078 --> 00:11:31,879
And everybody hides
from stuff.
254
00:11:31,881 --> 00:11:33,130
You run into freezers.
255
00:11:33,132 --> 00:11:35,632
I practice ignorance
and blackout drinking.
256
00:11:40,772 --> 00:11:42,422
What's happening right now?
257
00:11:42,424 --> 00:11:45,392
Hola, dudarinos.
258
00:11:45,394 --> 00:11:47,561
The laundromat's
closing early.
259
00:11:47,563 --> 00:11:51,315
We've rented it out
for our '80s pop-up disco party.
260
00:11:51,317 --> 00:11:54,267
Bobby.
261
00:11:54,269 --> 00:11:57,070
- Shouldn't it be called
an "'80s pop-up lame hipster
262
00:11:57,072 --> 00:11:59,957
will do anything
to be ironic and lame" party?
263
00:11:59,959 --> 00:12:01,074
"Lame"?
264
00:12:01,076 --> 00:12:02,943
Don't think so.
265
00:12:02,945 --> 00:12:04,378
What?
266
00:12:04,380 --> 00:12:06,129
Vicki from small wonder
is coming?
267
00:12:06,131 --> 00:12:07,280
Oh!
268
00:12:07,282 --> 00:12:09,416
Embarrassed to be you
right now.
269
00:12:09,418 --> 00:12:13,387
Unless you chicks have
75 disco-lovin' bucks,
270
00:12:13,389 --> 00:12:15,088
be gone in ten minutes,
271
00:12:15,090 --> 00:12:17,307
or my man here
will throw you out.
272
00:12:17,309 --> 00:12:19,510
Don't let his tube top
fool you.
273
00:12:19,512 --> 00:12:22,563
Bobby is mad wiry.
274
00:12:22,565 --> 00:12:24,097
I'm wiry.
275
00:12:29,020 --> 00:12:30,136
Small wonder?
276
00:12:30,138 --> 00:12:31,989
Is that the show on TLC
277
00:12:31,991 --> 00:12:34,024
about the little-people
magicians?
278
00:12:34,026 --> 00:12:35,475
No.
279
00:12:35,477 --> 00:12:38,245
It's an '80s sitcom
about this little girl robot
280
00:12:38,247 --> 00:12:39,980
who lives
with a loving family.
281
00:12:39,982 --> 00:12:41,582
A girl robot?
282
00:12:41,584 --> 00:12:43,200
That's totally unbelievable.
283
00:12:43,202 --> 00:12:45,619
No,
that's totally awesome!
284
00:12:45,621 --> 00:12:49,006
The unbelievable part
is the loving family.
285
00:12:49,008 --> 00:12:50,340
I love Vicki.
286
00:12:50,342 --> 00:12:52,376
She had no
emotions and was empty inside.
287
00:12:52,378 --> 00:12:54,378
My role model! We're staying.
288
00:12:54,380 --> 00:12:56,997
$75?
To do what...
289
00:12:56,999 --> 00:12:58,832
stand here
and dance next to...
290
00:12:58,834 --> 00:13:01,552
Guy-girl and girl-guy
over there?
291
00:13:06,357 --> 00:13:07,608
Come on, Chestnut,
292
00:13:07,610 --> 00:13:10,176
go poo-poo
near the hipsters.
293
00:13:10,178 --> 00:13:11,228
Hey, how cool would it be
if we could get
294
00:13:11,230 --> 00:13:13,363
Chess to go poo
on a hipster?
295
00:13:13,365 --> 00:13:15,115
How can
all of those people
296
00:13:15,117 --> 00:13:18,902
have $75 just to dance
at a laundromat?
297
00:13:18,904 --> 00:13:20,537
I've been doing my roots
with white-out.
298
00:13:20,539 --> 00:13:23,457
Hipsters in Williamsburg
will pay for anything
299
00:13:23,459 --> 00:13:25,742
if it makes them feel like
they're in on something new
300
00:13:25,744 --> 00:13:27,160
no one else knows about.
301
00:13:27,162 --> 00:13:28,629
All you need's a gimmick.
302
00:13:28,631 --> 00:13:29,746
Dudes!
303
00:13:29,748 --> 00:13:31,281
Can we ride your horse?
304
00:13:31,283 --> 00:13:32,883
Sure.
100 bucks.
305
00:13:32,885 --> 00:13:34,835
Okay.
I got to go to the ATM.
306
00:13:34,837 --> 00:13:37,888
Wait. Stay right there.
We'll be right back.
307
00:13:37,890 --> 00:13:39,256
Oh, my God.
308
00:13:39,258 --> 00:13:41,875
Max, we are literally looking
our gift horse in the mouth.
309
00:13:41,877 --> 00:13:44,511
We have something that's better
than an '80s disco party.
310
00:13:44,513 --> 00:13:45,395
We have a horse.
311
00:13:45,397 --> 00:13:47,147
If we throw
a big enough party,
312
00:13:47,149 --> 00:13:48,815
charge hipsters
for horse rides,
313
00:13:48,817 --> 00:13:50,567
we could pay off
your student loan!
314
00:13:50,569 --> 00:13:52,569
You'd whore out Chestnut
like that?
315
00:13:52,571 --> 00:13:54,521
Don't you have to get him
hooked on heroin first?
316
00:13:54,523 --> 00:13:56,189
Max, I've got this.
317
00:13:56,191 --> 00:13:57,908
I'm a brilliant event planner.
318
00:13:57,910 --> 00:14:00,277
My sweet 16
was off the chain...
319
00:14:00,279 --> 00:14:02,329
penthouse party,
pink and black theme.
320
00:14:02,331 --> 00:14:05,165
Alanis Morissette sang songs
from jagged little pill.
321
00:14:05,167 --> 00:14:06,617
On my 16th birthday,
322
00:14:06,619 --> 00:14:08,735
my mom took too many
jagged little pills,
323
00:14:08,737 --> 00:14:10,370
and I had to drive her
to the emergency room
324
00:14:10,372 --> 00:14:11,955
to get her stomach pumped.
325
00:14:11,957 --> 00:14:15,709
Was your childhood based
on the novel Push by Sapphire?
326
00:14:15,711 --> 00:14:18,178
I wish!
327
00:14:20,131 --> 00:14:22,716
The theme is
'90s horse party.
328
00:14:22,718 --> 00:14:24,384
It's exactly the kind
of hip event
329
00:14:24,386 --> 00:14:25,602
you're dying to be a part of.
330
00:14:25,604 --> 00:14:27,054
It would happen
after closing,
331
00:14:27,056 --> 00:14:28,355
so it won't affect business.
332
00:14:28,357 --> 00:14:29,890
And all the horse rides
will take place out back.
333
00:14:29,892 --> 00:14:32,109
So no damage will come
to the diner.
334
00:14:32,111 --> 00:14:34,761
But why would I say yes
to giving up my diner
335
00:14:34,763 --> 00:14:36,363
for no cash return?
336
00:14:36,365 --> 00:14:38,231
You might get laid.
337
00:14:43,187 --> 00:14:44,621
Great!
338
00:14:44,623 --> 00:14:46,957
The '90s horse party
is happening on Thursday.
339
00:14:46,959 --> 00:14:48,742
Fantastic.
Any other questions?
340
00:14:48,744 --> 00:14:49,743
Yes.
341
00:14:49,745 --> 00:14:51,745
What exactly is possibility
342
00:14:51,747 --> 00:14:54,614
of percentage of me...
343
00:14:54,616 --> 00:14:56,133
Getting laid?
344
00:14:58,670 --> 00:14:59,886
All I can say is,
345
00:14:59,888 --> 00:15:02,139
with the cute
'90s-themed-clothing incentive
346
00:15:02,141 --> 00:15:03,623
and the trivia contest,
347
00:15:03,625 --> 00:15:06,560
lots of cute hipster girls
will be here looking to...
348
00:15:06,562 --> 00:15:08,395
Get laid!
349
00:15:09,764 --> 00:15:11,431
I will go now
and start to research
350
00:15:11,433 --> 00:15:14,467
American trivia facts
about the 1990s.
351
00:15:16,571 --> 00:15:18,471
You realize we're gonna have
to give him something...
352
00:15:18,473 --> 00:15:19,990
like flash a little boob,
something.
353
00:15:19,992 --> 00:15:22,526
I feel like Han's
more of an ass man.
354
00:15:22,528 --> 00:15:25,478
Good point... 'cause his head
is right there.
355
00:15:30,617 --> 00:15:32,485
♪ Creep ♪
356
00:15:32,487 --> 00:15:35,488
♪ oh, I, oh, I, oh, I, oh, I,
yeah ♪
357
00:15:35,490 --> 00:15:37,907
♪ creep,
oh, I, oh, I, oh, I, oh, I ♪
358
00:15:37,909 --> 00:15:39,125
Oleg, what's up?
359
00:15:39,127 --> 00:15:40,877
Not enjoying
the '90s horse party?
360
00:15:40,879 --> 00:15:44,663
I thought you said
"'90s whores party."
361
00:15:46,166 --> 00:15:50,436
Now I'm wearing girdle
and deodorant for no reason.
362
00:15:52,356 --> 00:15:53,723
Quite a turnout, Max.
363
00:15:53,725 --> 00:15:56,526
Reminds me of the after-hours
clubs I used to go to,
364
00:15:56,528 --> 00:15:58,811
you know, if all
the cool cats shooting dope
365
00:15:58,813 --> 00:16:02,348
were replaced by sad,
white fools sipping light beer.
366
00:16:04,768 --> 00:16:06,018
Look!
367
00:16:06,020 --> 00:16:09,405
I did research and make myself
a 1990s trivia t-shirt.
368
00:16:09,407 --> 00:16:11,741
"Talk to the Han."
369
00:16:11,743 --> 00:16:12,909
Get it?
370
00:16:12,911 --> 00:16:15,128
"Talk to the Han!"
371
00:16:17,581 --> 00:16:19,048
That actually is cool.
372
00:16:19,050 --> 00:16:22,251
I am hoping
it will help me...
373
00:16:22,253 --> 00:16:23,669
Get laid?
374
00:16:26,006 --> 00:16:28,624
Care to purchase
a tamagotchi
375
00:16:28,626 --> 00:16:31,210
or a 90210-reo cupcake?
376
00:16:31,212 --> 00:16:35,014
We came here wanting
to hate on you chicks hard.
377
00:16:35,016 --> 00:16:39,735
But that horse you got
out back is mad cool.
378
00:16:39,737 --> 00:16:41,437
You bested us,
party beast.
379
00:16:41,439 --> 00:16:45,158
And to that,
I doff my cap.
380
00:16:46,193 --> 00:16:48,727
- How much are the cupcakes?
- $10 each.
381
00:16:48,729 --> 00:16:52,865
Ooh, I doff my cap again,
milady.
382
00:16:52,867 --> 00:16:54,900
Max, look at all this.
383
00:16:54,902 --> 00:16:56,169
We're a success!
384
00:16:56,171 --> 00:16:57,753
I'll tell you
what's not a success...
385
00:16:57,755 --> 00:16:59,505
the plan to get Han
some action.
386
00:16:59,507 --> 00:17:01,207
Look at him over there.
387
00:17:07,347 --> 00:17:09,882
- That's so sad.
- I know.
388
00:17:09,884 --> 00:17:12,718
Go over there
and give him a "Han" job.
389
00:17:14,972 --> 00:17:19,025
William!
390
00:17:19,027 --> 00:17:22,028
Meep, meep.
391
00:17:27,034 --> 00:17:31,704
You realize this is a freezer,
not a panic room, right?
392
00:17:31,706 --> 00:17:32,938
Just go out there
393
00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:35,274
and tear his smug, white ass
a new one.
394
00:17:35,276 --> 00:17:36,626
I can't face him, Max.
395
00:17:36,628 --> 00:17:39,278
Why? He's the one
who didn't call you.
396
00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:41,947
I can't face him
because I'm a waitress.
397
00:17:41,949 --> 00:17:42,915
Last time he saw me,
398
00:17:42,917 --> 00:17:44,800
I was a billionaire
in a townhouse.
399
00:17:44,802 --> 00:17:47,587
Now I'm a waitress
in a walk-in freezer.
400
00:17:47,589 --> 00:17:50,423
So, when you were laying
around on your trust fund,
401
00:17:50,425 --> 00:17:51,424
doing nothing every day,
402
00:17:51,426 --> 00:17:53,176
having other people
scrub your toilet,
403
00:17:53,178 --> 00:17:54,627
you could hold your head
up high?
404
00:17:54,629 --> 00:17:55,961
But now
that you support yourself
405
00:17:55,963 --> 00:17:58,231
by earning your own money,
that's somehow shameful?
406
00:17:58,233 --> 00:17:59,565
Who cares what he thinks?
407
00:17:59,567 --> 00:18:04,237
He is the guy who just paid $100
to party with a horse.
408
00:18:05,639 --> 00:18:07,406
He's the loser, not you.
409
00:18:07,408 --> 00:18:09,358
Really? 'Cause he's
out there having fun,
410
00:18:09,360 --> 00:18:10,359
and I'm in here,
411
00:18:10,361 --> 00:18:13,746
hugging a tub
of expired blue cheese.
412
00:18:13,748 --> 00:18:15,981
Look...
413
00:18:15,983 --> 00:18:18,201
You see that wad
of cash in your Hand?
414
00:18:18,203 --> 00:18:20,203
You earned that.
415
00:18:20,205 --> 00:18:22,121
Slap that wad in your palm
a few times!
416
00:18:22,123 --> 00:18:23,589
Feel its power.
417
00:18:25,759 --> 00:18:27,093
That's all you got?
418
00:18:27,095 --> 00:18:29,212
Come on,
really squeeze that wad!
419
00:18:29,214 --> 00:18:30,663
Feels good
in your Hands, right?
420
00:18:30,665 --> 00:18:32,831
- Feels pretty good.
- Yeah.
421
00:18:32,833 --> 00:18:36,102
Now slap it and say,
"this is my wad!"
422
00:18:36,104 --> 00:18:38,638
This is my wad.
423
00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:41,390
This is my wad!
424
00:18:41,392 --> 00:18:43,842
This is my wad!
425
00:18:43,844 --> 00:18:45,144
Go out there.
426
00:18:45,146 --> 00:18:47,797
I'm going out there!
427
00:18:47,799 --> 00:18:49,815
As soon as the ladies
calm down.
428
00:18:49,817 --> 00:18:51,117
Are you kidding?
429
00:18:51,119 --> 00:18:54,203
Show him what he's missing.
Let 'em pop, playa!
430
00:18:57,658 --> 00:18:59,575
Where are you,
you rich poseur?
431
00:18:59,577 --> 00:19:01,077
Oh! Uh...
432
00:19:01,079 --> 00:19:02,411
Listen up!
433
00:19:02,413 --> 00:19:05,881
That was meant exclusively
for one specific rich poseur.
434
00:19:05,883 --> 00:19:08,200
All you other rich poseurs,
435
00:19:08,202 --> 00:19:09,719
just continue
with the '90s!
436
00:19:09,721 --> 00:19:11,804
Whoop, whoop!
437
00:19:11,806 --> 00:19:14,056
Where is he?
Do you see him?
438
00:19:14,058 --> 00:19:16,259
Uh, no.
He was right over there.
439
00:19:16,261 --> 00:19:17,677
He's gone.
440
00:19:17,679 --> 00:19:19,595
I don't get to shove this
in his face.
441
00:19:19,597 --> 00:19:21,364
It would've been nice
to put my wad
442
00:19:21,366 --> 00:19:24,850
in his face
for a change.
443
00:19:29,356 --> 00:19:33,276
Oh, speaking of wads,
look over there.
444
00:19:33,278 --> 00:19:37,229
Aw.
445
00:19:37,231 --> 00:19:39,915
He's such a little pimp.
446
00:19:39,917 --> 00:19:42,001
Are you okay?
447
00:19:42,003 --> 00:19:44,003
Yeah.
Actually, I am.
448
00:19:44,005 --> 00:19:45,454
I guess I didn't need
to go over there
449
00:19:45,456 --> 00:19:46,905
and make some big,
dramatic speech,
450
00:19:46,907 --> 00:19:48,708
telling him
that even though I'm a waitress,
451
00:19:48,710 --> 00:19:49,908
I'm better than him.
452
00:19:49,910 --> 00:19:52,762
I know that now.
Thank you.
453
00:19:52,764 --> 00:19:55,464
And when I see him
one day in the future,
454
00:19:55,466 --> 00:19:58,584
I'll be happy
to tell him that.
455
00:19:58,586 --> 00:20:00,052
He just came
out of the men's room.
456
00:20:00,054 --> 00:20:01,220
Let's get out of here!
457
00:20:01,222 --> 00:20:02,471
What? I thought
you wanted to talk to him!
458
00:20:02,473 --> 00:20:04,440
I said, "the future."
This is the '90s.
459
00:20:04,442 --> 00:20:07,643
Let's get out of here.
Run!
460
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:13,032
Feels good running away
from your bill, huh?
461
00:20:13,034 --> 00:20:14,283
So great.
462
00:20:14,285 --> 00:20:15,951
See, that's what
I've been saying.
463
00:20:15,953 --> 00:20:17,737
Well, at least
you don't have to run
464
00:20:17,739 --> 00:20:19,155
from your student loan bill.
465
00:20:19,157 --> 00:20:21,957
We can pay that off and still
have $50 for the cupcake fund.
466
00:20:21,959 --> 00:20:23,576
I hate that college won.
467
00:20:23,578 --> 00:20:25,494
Didn't you get anything
out of it?
468
00:20:25,496 --> 00:20:27,546
You mean, besides mono
and an art teacher
469
00:20:27,548 --> 00:20:28,881
whose idea
of finger-painting
470
00:20:28,883 --> 00:20:32,385
was a little more "finger"
than "painting"?
471
00:20:32,387 --> 00:20:33,419
Art teacher?
472
00:20:33,421 --> 00:20:35,788
Max, was that your major... art?
473
00:20:35,790 --> 00:20:38,841
Keep your eyes on the road.
You're driving.
474
00:20:38,843 --> 00:20:40,176
I just thought
for, like, a second,
475
00:20:40,178 --> 00:20:43,312
I could maybe illustrate
children's books.
476
00:20:43,314 --> 00:20:45,964
Max, that's so sweet.
477
00:20:45,966 --> 00:20:48,684
You're not like Vicki at all.
478
00:20:48,686 --> 00:20:51,020
Max, look.
Han!
479
00:20:51,022 --> 00:20:52,988
Aw, our little
somethin'-somethin'
480
00:20:52,990 --> 00:20:55,074
got him a little
somethin'-somethin'!
481
00:20:55,076 --> 00:20:57,777
I doff my cap, milady!
34076
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Bulgarian
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof