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1
00:00:03,450 --> 00:00:06,553
Pick up!
Tables 12, 4, 11.
2
00:00:06,555 --> 00:00:07,554
Got it.
3
00:00:07,556 --> 00:00:09,789
Hey,
when you get a second,
4
00:00:09,791 --> 00:00:12,458
stop looking at my boobs.
5
00:00:15,930 --> 00:00:17,580
Excuse me.
6
00:00:17,582 --> 00:00:18,631
Waitress?
7
00:00:18,633 --> 00:00:20,850
Dude?
8
00:00:23,120 --> 00:00:24,470
Hi, what can I get ya?
9
00:00:24,472 --> 00:00:26,606
We need some...
10
00:00:26,608 --> 00:00:27,640
Is that annoying?
11
00:00:29,244 --> 00:00:30,326
Is that
obnoxious and rude?
12
00:00:32,030 --> 00:00:34,030
Would you find it distracting
if someone did that to you
13
00:00:34,032 --> 00:00:35,147
while you were working?
14
00:00:35,149 --> 00:00:37,834
Oh, you don't have a job.
Sorry.
15
00:00:37,836 --> 00:00:39,752
Damn, dude,
she burned you.
16
00:00:39,754 --> 00:00:40,787
Oh.
17
00:00:40,789 --> 00:00:44,040
No, hipster.
18
00:00:44,042 --> 00:00:46,626
Do not think we're on the same
team. We have nothing in common.
19
00:00:46,628 --> 00:00:48,661
I wear knit hats
when it's cold out.
20
00:00:48,663 --> 00:00:51,264
You wear knit hats
'cause of coldplay.
21
00:00:52,933 --> 00:00:54,634
You have tattoos
to piss off your dad.
22
00:00:54,636 --> 00:00:57,336
My dad doesn't know
he's my dad.
23
00:00:57,338 --> 00:00:59,171
You think...
24
00:00:59,173 --> 00:01:00,773
This is the sound
that gets you service.
25
00:01:00,775 --> 00:01:02,475
I think...
26
00:01:02,477 --> 00:01:05,678
This is the sound
that dries up my vagina.
27
00:01:06,730 --> 00:01:08,982
The other waitress
disappeared, the Russian one.
28
00:01:08,984 --> 00:01:10,566
We need horseradish.
29
00:01:10,568 --> 00:01:11,684
Please.
30
00:01:11,686 --> 00:01:14,787
That, ladies,
is how you treat a waitress.
31
00:01:20,127 --> 00:01:21,878
Paulina!
32
00:01:24,248 --> 00:01:25,832
Oh, so... so good, oh...
33
00:01:25,834 --> 00:01:29,035
Oh, sorry, I didn't realize
you were on break.
34
00:01:30,004 --> 00:01:31,220
I just need
some horseradish.
35
00:01:31,222 --> 00:01:33,723
- Here.
- Oh, cool.
36
00:01:37,745 --> 00:01:39,846
Excuse me,
where's my waitress?
37
00:01:41,266 --> 00:01:43,716
She's coming.
38
00:01:57,832 --> 00:02:00,251
Earl.
39
00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:01,202
Earl!
40
00:02:01,204 --> 00:02:04,121
I made your favorite,
red velvet.
41
00:02:04,123 --> 00:02:08,192
My little cupcake
brought me a cupcake.
42
00:02:09,378 --> 00:02:10,878
Oh, no, no.
It's on the house.
43
00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:12,379
It's your birthday.
44
00:02:12,381 --> 00:02:13,547
How old are you gonna be?
45
00:02:13,549 --> 00:02:14,998
75.
46
00:02:15,000 --> 00:02:18,835
Oh, Earl, if you were just
three years younger.
47
00:02:18,837 --> 00:02:20,671
Max, Max, big news.
48
00:02:20,673 --> 00:02:23,357
The new boss fired
that Russian waitress, Paulina.
49
00:02:23,359 --> 00:02:27,895
Turns out Chesty Kournikova
was Vladimir puttin' it out.
50
00:02:32,517 --> 00:02:35,536
Hello today.
I have paycheck for you.
51
00:02:35,538 --> 00:02:38,855
I need to talk to you.
You fired Paulina, Han?
52
00:02:38,857 --> 00:02:40,574
I am no longer Han Lee.
53
00:02:40,576 --> 00:02:41,659
I have new American name
54
00:02:41,661 --> 00:02:43,077
to go with
changing neighborhood.
55
00:02:43,079 --> 00:02:44,662
To go with
the changing neighborhood.
56
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,964
You need to remember this
for your immigration exam.
57
00:02:46,966 --> 00:02:50,718
Correct. To go with
the changing neighborhood.
58
00:02:53,089 --> 00:02:57,775
Bryce?
Your name is Bryce Lee?
59
00:03:00,478 --> 00:03:02,546
Wait, wait,
um, um, um...
60
00:03:02,548 --> 00:03:05,266
Don't hire a new waitress,
okay?
61
00:03:05,268 --> 00:03:06,550
I've been doing
all the work anyway,
62
00:03:06,552 --> 00:03:08,068
and I really could use
the extra money.
63
00:03:08,070 --> 00:03:09,270
You need help.
64
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:12,406
- No, I don't.
- Everyone need help sometimes.
65
00:03:12,408 --> 00:03:14,692
I don't. I've been waiting
my whole life, okay?
66
00:03:14,694 --> 00:03:17,328
I've waited on tables,
I've waited in bars,
67
00:03:17,330 --> 00:03:19,713
I've waited on
home pregnancy tests.
68
00:03:19,715 --> 00:03:21,732
I already hire new waitress.
69
00:03:21,734 --> 00:03:24,501
She work in all top restaurants
in Manhattan.
70
00:03:24,503 --> 00:03:27,338
I gave her
Paulina's uniform.
71
00:03:28,623 --> 00:03:30,374
Hi.
72
00:03:30,376 --> 00:03:33,043
Mr. Lee,
not to complain,
73
00:03:33,045 --> 00:03:36,513
but I think someone
wore this uniform before me,
74
00:03:36,515 --> 00:03:39,199
like right before me.
75
00:03:39,201 --> 00:03:40,934
Is it possible
that I could get another one?
76
00:03:40,936 --> 00:03:44,772
Maybe one that's
a little less moist.
77
00:03:44,774 --> 00:03:48,192
Also this mustard color doesn't
really go with my skin tone,
78
00:03:48,194 --> 00:03:51,195
neither do
the mustard stains...
79
00:03:51,197 --> 00:03:53,647
And these
various other stains,
80
00:03:53,649 --> 00:03:56,150
and smells.
I hope that's clam chowder.
81
00:03:56,152 --> 00:03:58,402
So...
82
00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:00,103
I think it'd be better
for everyone,
83
00:04:00,105 --> 00:04:02,439
including
my immune system,
84
00:04:02,441 --> 00:04:04,775
if I just keep on wearing
what I'm wearing,
85
00:04:04,777 --> 00:04:07,611
and not the apron,
'cause this is Chanel.
86
00:04:07,613 --> 00:04:09,797
So thank you,
87
00:04:09,799 --> 00:04:12,549
and let's waitress.
88
00:04:16,671 --> 00:04:18,639
Whatever that is,
89
00:04:18,641 --> 00:04:20,307
it does not belong
in this diner.
90
00:04:20,309 --> 00:04:22,393
It belongs
in a show on Bravo.
91
00:04:23,845 --> 00:04:26,963
But she blonde,
hair so shiny,
92
00:04:26,965 --> 00:04:28,599
good for business.
93
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:30,300
Where do you even
find these people?
94
00:04:30,302 --> 00:04:33,604
The Russian hooker, the one
before that was a meth addict.
95
00:04:33,606 --> 00:04:35,406
You train her,
I am boss.
96
00:04:35,408 --> 00:04:38,609
- Da boss.
- Oh.
97
00:04:38,611 --> 00:04:40,944
Fine, but make her
wear the uniform.
98
00:04:42,281 --> 00:04:43,747
Are you sure we can't get
the meth addict back?
99
00:04:43,749 --> 00:04:46,983
She was really good
at cleaning.
100
00:04:46,985 --> 00:04:49,536
But her teeth
fall out.
101
00:04:52,824 --> 00:04:55,959
You are really judgmental,
you know that?
102
00:04:58,179 --> 00:05:01,048
I'm only gonna say this once,
so pay attention.
103
00:05:01,050 --> 00:05:03,484
I'm Caroline, by the way.
And you're Max?
104
00:05:03,486 --> 00:05:07,855
Don't get attached.
105
00:05:07,857 --> 00:05:10,307
This is the Williamsburg diner,
owned by Han Lee,
106
00:05:10,309 --> 00:05:11,975
who just changed his name
to Bryce Lee,
107
00:05:11,977 --> 00:05:16,063
because I guess he wants people
to take him even less seriously.
108
00:05:16,065 --> 00:05:17,898
Eight months ago he bought it
from the Russian mob.
109
00:05:17,900 --> 00:05:20,734
Clientele used to be
all eastern bloc criminals
110
00:05:20,736 --> 00:05:23,537
and crack whores, but then
he took it over and ruined it.
111
00:05:26,190 --> 00:05:28,876
Hey, sexy woman.
112
00:05:28,878 --> 00:05:30,878
You look so pretty today.
113
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:35,532
You look so beautiful, I forgot
how bad your personality is.
114
00:05:35,534 --> 00:05:38,836
Thanks, Oleg.
115
00:05:38,838 --> 00:05:41,588
Hey, Barbie.
116
00:05:45,660 --> 00:05:48,429
He will hit on you
aggressively and relentlessly.
117
00:05:48,431 --> 00:05:49,897
He doesn't realize
he looks like that,
118
00:05:49,899 --> 00:05:53,383
and I don't have the heart
to tell him.
119
00:05:53,385 --> 00:05:54,735
Could we have some menus?
120
00:05:54,737 --> 00:05:55,986
Oh, sure.
121
00:05:55,988 --> 00:05:58,238
Don't smile.
122
00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,023
'Cause it raises the bar,
and then I have to smile,
123
00:06:00,025 --> 00:06:01,158
and I can't be doing that.
124
00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:05,061
It's exhausting
and I have a bad back.
125
00:06:05,063 --> 00:06:07,698
That's Earl,
we're in love.
126
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:08,949
Do not talk to him,
127
00:06:08,951 --> 00:06:11,368
unless you want to feel whiter
than you already are.
128
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:13,871
Oh, and that stain?
129
00:06:13,873 --> 00:06:16,907
Not clam chowder.
130
00:06:16,909 --> 00:06:19,259
Go marry the ketchups.
131
00:06:19,261 --> 00:06:22,930
Marry the ketchups.
I'm on it.
132
00:06:35,243 --> 00:06:39,112
Okay.
Now divorce the ketchups.
133
00:06:42,567 --> 00:06:44,401
Stop.
Just stop.
134
00:06:44,403 --> 00:06:46,286
There's no such thing
as divorcing the ketchups.
135
00:06:46,288 --> 00:06:48,071
You've never waitressed
a day in your life.
136
00:06:48,073 --> 00:06:49,105
Yes, I have.
137
00:06:49,107 --> 00:06:50,324
You expect me
to believe you
138
00:06:50,326 --> 00:06:53,276
after watching that whole
Temple Grandin routine?
139
00:06:53,278 --> 00:06:54,695
- I'm telling Lee.
- Okay, okay,
140
00:06:54,697 --> 00:06:56,580
I may have enhanced
my resume.
141
00:06:56,582 --> 00:07:00,417
Enhanced?
What, are we in Paris?
142
00:07:00,419 --> 00:07:02,719
Please,
I really need this job, okay?
143
00:07:02,721 --> 00:07:04,171
We lost all of our money.
144
00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:06,723
My trust fund was taken
for legal fees.
145
00:07:06,725 --> 00:07:08,258
My dad is in jail.
146
00:07:08,260 --> 00:07:10,794
What? What are you,
Martin Channing's daughter?
147
00:07:11,980 --> 00:07:15,465
Where's the paper?
148
00:07:15,467 --> 00:07:17,651
Martin Channing?
149
00:07:17,653 --> 00:07:20,020
The guy who ripped off
the entire city is your father.
150
00:07:20,022 --> 00:07:23,774
He told us we were
having a good year.
151
00:07:23,776 --> 00:07:25,626
You're
Caroline Channing.
152
00:07:25,628 --> 00:07:27,444
You're like
a billionaire.
153
00:07:27,446 --> 00:07:29,913
Was.
Was a billionaire.
154
00:07:29,915 --> 00:07:32,165
They froze all our assets,
everything's gone.
155
00:07:32,167 --> 00:07:33,984
I only have
what I could grab,
156
00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:36,420
and I grabbed
all the wrong things.
157
00:07:36,422 --> 00:07:39,172
- So do you know the president?
- I've met him.
158
00:07:39,174 --> 00:07:40,507
- He's hot.
- He's the president.
159
00:07:40,509 --> 00:07:42,125
- Have you been to Switzerland?
- Yes.
160
00:07:42,127 --> 00:07:43,510
- Do you have a horse?
- Yes.
161
00:07:43,512 --> 00:07:47,798
- Do you know Paris Hilton?
- No, she's a hundred.
162
00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,000
Excuse me, uh,
two hot chocolate, please.
163
00:07:50,002 --> 00:07:51,268
- Comin' up.
- It...
164
00:07:51,270 --> 00:07:52,970
let me do that, please.
165
00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:54,304
I'm a really
fast learner.
166
00:07:54,306 --> 00:07:55,606
I went to
Wharton business school.
167
00:07:55,608 --> 00:07:58,058
I got 2,300 on my SAT's
168
00:07:58,060 --> 00:08:00,677
Can you make a hot chocolate,
or not?
169
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:06,950
Nailed it.
170
00:08:11,789 --> 00:08:14,958
We split the tips.
Give me yours.
171
00:08:19,130 --> 00:08:21,915
You did better
than I thought you would.
172
00:08:21,917 --> 00:08:23,700
Listen, tonight
I thought of a way
173
00:08:23,702 --> 00:08:24,885
we could make
some extra money.
174
00:08:24,887 --> 00:08:26,420
They've totally
underestimated
175
00:08:26,422 --> 00:08:28,255
the price point
on those red velvet cupcakes.
176
00:08:28,257 --> 00:08:30,807
In Manhattan the asking price
is at least seven,
177
00:08:30,809 --> 00:08:35,312
so we could sell them for seven,
and then pocket the difference.
178
00:08:35,314 --> 00:08:37,731
Nothing about that
sounds wrong to you?
179
00:08:37,733 --> 00:08:40,067
It's not our fault that
the idiot who makes the cupcakes
180
00:08:40,069 --> 00:08:42,052
doesn't know their worth.
181
00:08:42,054 --> 00:08:45,122
I'm the idiot
who makes the cupcakes.
182
00:08:46,190 --> 00:08:48,275
New information.
183
00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:49,493
That's stupid.
184
00:08:49,495 --> 00:08:51,995
No one would pay $7
for one of my cupcakes.
185
00:08:51,997 --> 00:08:54,998
Really?
'Cause...
186
00:08:58,286 --> 00:09:01,755
Well, at least we know
you're not adopted.
187
00:09:04,459 --> 00:09:06,877
So how'd you even
end up in Brooklyn?
188
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,012
Oh,
I went on monster.com.
189
00:09:09,014 --> 00:09:10,297
Typed in
"place where nobody
190
00:09:10,299 --> 00:09:12,749
from the Upper East Side
would ever go, ever,"
191
00:09:12,751 --> 00:09:15,769
and this diner came up.
192
00:09:15,771 --> 00:09:17,604
You can't wear
a fancy leather jacket
193
00:09:17,606 --> 00:09:18,772
outside in this neighborhood.
194
00:09:18,774 --> 00:09:19,923
You have to turn it
inside out.
195
00:09:19,925 --> 00:09:21,525
Oh.
196
00:09:21,527 --> 00:09:24,194
Fur. Cool.
Turn it back.
197
00:09:26,148 --> 00:09:28,231
So where do you live?
198
00:09:28,233 --> 00:09:31,318
Our townhouse was taken
and bolted up by the bank, so...
199
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:33,603
Is this where I'm supposed to
feel sorry for you?
200
00:09:33,605 --> 00:09:36,206
I mean,
I don't want you to,
201
00:09:36,208 --> 00:09:40,443
but just so you know,
a well-adjusted person would.
202
00:09:40,445 --> 00:09:42,946
I'm dead inside.
203
00:09:42,948 --> 00:09:46,333
You make that
pretty obvious.
204
00:09:46,335 --> 00:09:49,285
Anyway, I'm just gonna stay
in the city with a friend.
205
00:09:49,287 --> 00:09:51,638
I live a couple of blocks
that way.
206
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:56,259
I'd walk you to the subway,
it's just that I don't want to.
207
00:09:56,261 --> 00:09:59,613
- Okay.
- Okay.
208
00:10:09,525 --> 00:10:12,492
โช โช
209
00:10:12,494 --> 00:10:14,861
Why is the music so loud?
210
00:10:14,863 --> 00:10:16,530
Whoa!
211
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:17,698
It's 3:00
in the morning.
212
00:10:17,700 --> 00:10:19,032
I'm sorry.
213
00:10:21,202 --> 00:10:24,087
It's cool.
So what are you doin'?
214
00:10:24,089 --> 00:10:26,489
The band's practicing.
215
00:10:26,491 --> 00:10:28,175
But you're not
playing any instruments.
216
00:10:28,177 --> 00:10:29,710
Yeah,
that's how we practice.
217
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,461
We, like,
listen to other good music
218
00:10:31,463 --> 00:10:34,131
and play it in our head.
219
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,800
It's like The Secret.
220
00:10:36,802 --> 00:10:39,636
Well, I have a secret
for you guys.
221
00:10:39,638 --> 00:10:41,688
- Get out!
- Whoa!
222
00:10:43,057 --> 00:10:44,975
- Uh, you guys better go.
- We should go.
223
00:10:44,977 --> 00:10:47,444
Sorry, guys, I still
have to make the cupcakes.
224
00:10:47,446 --> 00:10:50,797
Cupcakes? For why? You can
just buy 'em at the store.
225
00:10:53,018 --> 00:10:55,368
You can do that in
the morning, babe, come to bed.
226
00:10:55,370 --> 00:10:58,188
No, I can't. I have to
be in the city by 10:00.
227
00:11:00,458 --> 00:11:03,543
Fine.
You can have three minutes.
228
00:11:05,913 --> 00:11:09,499
Fine, you can have eight,
one for each ab.
229
00:11:09,501 --> 00:11:12,052
Boom!
230
00:11:14,005 --> 00:11:16,757
Stand clear
of the closing doors.
231
00:11:23,514 --> 00:11:26,516
Well, I can cross that
off my bucket list.
232
00:11:35,943 --> 00:11:36,993
Hey.
233
00:11:36,995 --> 00:11:38,061
I have a taser!
234
00:11:38,063 --> 00:11:41,081
Oh!
235
00:11:41,083 --> 00:11:44,117
Oh, my God.
236
00:11:46,909 --> 00:11:49,494
I am so sorry.
237
00:11:49,496 --> 00:11:52,514
I didn't think it would hurt
so much. It's pink.
238
00:11:52,516 --> 00:11:54,666
It didn't feel pink.
239
00:11:54,668 --> 00:11:58,219
I didn't know it was you.
I thought I was being raped.
240
00:11:58,221 --> 00:12:01,756
That's not
what rape feels like.
241
00:12:03,058 --> 00:12:04,843
Did you...
242
00:12:04,845 --> 00:12:06,978
did you
sleep on the subway?
243
00:12:06,980 --> 00:12:08,580
I had nowhere else to go,
244
00:12:08,582 --> 00:12:10,899
and I'm too afraid
to sleep outside on the street.
245
00:12:10,901 --> 00:12:13,818
God, you're spoiled.
246
00:12:13,820 --> 00:12:16,938
Next stop, greenpoint.
247
00:12:16,940 --> 00:12:19,524
Ugh! Get your stuff. Come on,
I'll take you to my place,
248
00:12:19,526 --> 00:12:20,875
but hurry.
249
00:12:20,877 --> 00:12:23,394
'Cause I have to be
in the city in 30 minutes.
250
00:12:25,831 --> 00:12:28,032
Call me.
251
00:12:31,086 --> 00:12:34,289
Oh, my God,
you've been robbed!
252
00:12:36,542 --> 00:12:38,343
This is
how it always looks.
253
00:12:38,345 --> 00:12:41,412
Oh, my God,
totally cute!
254
00:12:41,414 --> 00:12:43,515
All right,
I'll be back at 4:00,
255
00:12:43,517 --> 00:12:45,600
and we can go to work together.
Bathroom, bedroom,
256
00:12:45,602 --> 00:12:47,552
boyfriend sleeps till 4:00,
yard.
257
00:12:47,554 --> 00:12:50,221
Oh, you have a yard.
258
00:12:50,223 --> 00:12:54,576
Looks like a really nice place
to relax and do crack.
259
00:12:56,529 --> 00:12:58,146
It is.
260
00:12:59,448 --> 00:13:01,599
I gotta go, I'm gonna be late
for my other job in the city.
261
00:13:01,601 --> 00:13:03,034
You have two jobs?
262
00:13:03,036 --> 00:13:05,603
Yes, I babysit
for a Manhattan socialite diva.
263
00:13:05,605 --> 00:13:07,271
Now I have a set.
264
00:13:11,109 --> 00:13:12,610
Sorry I'm late.
265
00:13:12,612 --> 00:13:13,878
Oh, thank God
you're here,
266
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,129
there is
a bridge and tunnel smell
267
00:13:15,131 --> 00:13:19,083
over by the babies
that's stressing me out.
268
00:13:19,085 --> 00:13:20,885
Their diapers
probably need to be changed.
269
00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:24,222
Again? I swear,
the morning nanny just did that.
270
00:13:24,224 --> 00:13:26,474
Motherhood is for reals.
271
00:13:28,427 --> 00:13:30,979
Max, remind me,
what's my Twitter password?
272
00:13:30,981 --> 00:13:32,630
Twitter password.
273
00:13:32,632 --> 00:13:34,349
Yes!
274
00:13:35,133 --> 00:13:39,303
Hi, Brad.
Hi, Angelina.
275
00:13:39,305 --> 00:13:42,156
Max, I need to tell you
something because we're family.
276
00:13:42,158 --> 00:13:45,660
Now get me room temperature
water and come over here.
277
00:13:49,314 --> 00:13:52,617
We are victims
of the Channing Ponzi scheme.
278
00:13:52,619 --> 00:13:56,704
Me, David,
and Brangelina.
279
00:13:56,706 --> 00:13:59,290
How much money
did you lose?
280
00:13:59,292 --> 00:14:02,877
Hold my hands.
281
00:14:02,879 --> 00:14:06,130
Nothing.
282
00:14:06,132 --> 00:14:08,149
But it really scared me.
283
00:14:09,969 --> 00:14:13,104
Open that?
284
00:14:13,106 --> 00:14:15,273
So do you know
Caroline Channing?
285
00:14:15,275 --> 00:14:17,842
No,
but she lost everything.
286
00:14:17,844 --> 00:14:20,011
She has no money.
287
00:14:20,013 --> 00:14:21,446
Can you imagine
having no money?
288
00:14:21,448 --> 00:14:26,317
I mean, you wouldn't even
have any money.
289
00:14:26,319 --> 00:14:29,153
You should twit that.
290
00:14:29,155 --> 00:14:31,906
And no one
will even talk to her.
291
00:14:31,908 --> 00:14:33,958
I heard she went
to six different friends' houses
292
00:14:33,960 --> 00:14:35,293
for a place to stay,
293
00:14:35,295 --> 00:14:38,212
and they all had to pretend
they weren't home.
294
00:14:38,214 --> 00:14:40,031
- That's not cool.
- Yeah.
295
00:14:40,033 --> 00:14:42,199
- That's really sad.
- So sad.
296
00:14:42,201 --> 00:14:44,052
Breaks my heart.
297
00:14:44,054 --> 00:14:46,604
I guess motherhood has really
opened me up emotionally.
298
00:14:46,606 --> 00:14:48,923
Max, I need to hold
one of the babies,
299
00:14:48,925 --> 00:14:52,343
bring me one.
300
00:14:54,714 --> 00:14:57,765
No, the other one.
That's not the good one.
301
00:15:02,604 --> 00:15:03,888
Hello.
302
00:15:03,890 --> 00:15:07,659
Oh, hi. Oh, I'm so sorry
if I woke you up.
303
00:15:07,661 --> 00:15:10,945
Who are you?
304
00:15:10,947 --> 00:15:14,198
I'm Max's friend.
Uh, don't tell her I said that.
305
00:15:14,200 --> 00:15:15,700
I have a feeling if she heard me
call her my friend,
306
00:15:15,702 --> 00:15:18,002
she'd stab me.
307
00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:19,420
What are you doin'
over there?
308
00:15:19,422 --> 00:15:20,905
Just washing my uniform,
309
00:15:20,907 --> 00:15:22,340
trying to make it
a little more cute
310
00:15:22,342 --> 00:15:24,125
and a little less crusty.
311
00:15:24,127 --> 00:15:25,376
Oh, watch out!
312
00:15:25,378 --> 00:15:27,211
Oh!
Sorry, oh, my...
313
00:15:27,213 --> 00:15:31,082
- Do you have a towel or a rag?
- No, I... I got it.
314
00:15:31,084 --> 00:15:32,433
Oh, okay.
315
00:15:39,108 --> 00:15:40,308
I'm Robbie.
316
00:15:40,310 --> 00:15:42,694
I'm uncomfortable.
317
00:15:42,696 --> 00:15:43,778
You're getting me wet.
318
00:15:43,780 --> 00:15:46,314
That's the point.
319
00:15:46,316 --> 00:15:47,932
You're Max's boyfriend.
320
00:15:47,934 --> 00:15:48,966
It's cool.
321
00:15:48,968 --> 00:15:51,903
No, it's not.
Back up, Jersey shore.
322
00:15:54,990 --> 00:15:56,774
You're pathetic,
323
00:15:56,776 --> 00:15:58,826
and that's coming from someone
who's homeless
324
00:15:58,828 --> 00:16:01,796
and wearing white
after labor day.
325
00:16:08,637 --> 00:16:11,889
And I've seen better.
326
00:16:11,891 --> 00:16:14,359
No, you haven't.
327
00:16:20,232 --> 00:16:21,682
Hey.
Why didn't you wait for me?
328
00:16:21,684 --> 00:16:23,484
I thought we were
coming over together.
329
00:16:23,486 --> 00:16:27,822
Oh. Um, I wanted to get here
early to marry the ketchups.
330
00:16:28,907 --> 00:16:30,141
Listen,
I heard something
331
00:16:30,143 --> 00:16:31,743
really upsetting
about you today.
332
00:16:31,745 --> 00:16:33,828
What did he say,
that I came on to him?
333
00:16:34,646 --> 00:16:35,813
Him who?
334
00:16:35,815 --> 00:16:37,481
Nothing.
335
00:16:43,672 --> 00:16:45,206
Him, Robbie?
336
00:16:45,208 --> 00:16:47,258
It's none of my business,
337
00:16:47,260 --> 00:16:50,161
but you deserve better
than that guy.
338
00:16:50,163 --> 00:16:52,847
Yeah,
it is none of your business.
339
00:16:52,849 --> 00:16:55,466
Ooh, I was just starting
to feel sorry for you.
340
00:16:55,468 --> 00:16:59,020
I'm just saying,
you're worth more than that.
341
00:16:59,022 --> 00:17:01,105
What, I'm supposed to
believe you about this?
342
00:17:01,107 --> 00:17:03,141
The person who lied
on their resume,
343
00:17:03,143 --> 00:17:04,843
and lied about the cupcakes...
you're a liar.
344
00:17:05,845 --> 00:17:08,296
- I'm just trying to help.
- You know what?
345
00:17:08,298 --> 00:17:10,615
Since you seem to know
so much about everything,
346
00:17:10,617 --> 00:17:12,233
why don't you
take your Wharton degree,
347
00:17:12,235 --> 00:17:14,852
and your ridiculous coat, and
figure this all out yourself.
348
00:17:14,854 --> 00:17:15,987
Max.
349
00:17:15,989 --> 00:17:17,789
- Max, wait.
- Oh, look,
350
00:17:17,791 --> 00:17:20,041
the arcade fire concert
just let out across the street,
351
00:17:20,043 --> 00:17:21,876
good luck with that.
352
00:17:21,878 --> 00:17:23,795
She's coming back,
right?
353
00:17:23,797 --> 00:17:25,029
She's not gonna
leave me here alone
354
00:17:25,031 --> 00:17:26,998
with a restaurant
full of people?
355
00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,467
Let me put it to you
this way.
356
00:17:29,469 --> 00:17:30,551
You might as well be
357
00:17:30,553 --> 00:17:34,388
a night maid
at the Schwarzenegger house.
358
00:17:34,390 --> 00:17:37,374
You got screwed.
359
00:17:43,815 --> 00:17:45,365
- Oh.
- Oh, yeah.
360
00:17:45,367 --> 00:17:48,202
That feels so good.
361
00:17:48,204 --> 00:17:49,670
Now put your tambourine
around it.
362
00:17:52,975 --> 00:17:54,758
Hi, honey, I'm home.
363
00:17:57,229 --> 00:18:00,181
I want you gone
by the time I get back.
364
00:18:00,183 --> 00:18:02,549
Babe!
Babe, I can explain.
365
00:18:03,384 --> 00:18:06,871
You weren't
supposed to be home.
366
00:18:06,873 --> 00:18:08,189
People say
I deserve better than you.
367
00:18:08,191 --> 00:18:09,940
Who?
368
00:18:09,942 --> 00:18:12,526
That blonde girl? She doesn't
know what she's talkin' about.
369
00:18:12,528 --> 00:18:15,229
She went to Wharton
370
00:18:15,231 --> 00:18:16,730
and Switzerland.
371
00:18:26,741 --> 00:18:28,709
Yo, yo.
Look at that.
372
00:18:28,711 --> 00:18:30,461
That girl is
workin' harder
373
00:18:30,463 --> 00:18:34,849
than Stephen Hawking tryin'
to put in a pair of cufflinks.
374
00:18:37,269 --> 00:18:38,802
Here, let me help you
with that.
375
00:18:38,804 --> 00:18:39,970
I don't need any help.
376
00:18:39,972 --> 00:18:42,523
Everyone needs help
sometimes.
377
00:18:47,979 --> 00:18:51,649
This isn't
what I ordered.
378
00:18:51,651 --> 00:18:53,317
This is Caroline.
379
00:18:53,319 --> 00:18:54,568
She may have gotten
your order wrong,
380
00:18:54,570 --> 00:18:56,537
but she does
get some things right.
381
00:19:02,661 --> 00:19:03,777
Thank you.
382
00:19:03,779 --> 00:19:06,463
No, thank you.
383
00:19:06,465 --> 00:19:08,716
What'd you see in that guy,
anyway?
384
00:19:08,718 --> 00:19:10,801
He had these
muscle thingies.
385
00:19:10,803 --> 00:19:13,754
- Oh, those things?
- Yeah.
386
00:19:13,756 --> 00:19:14,922
I don't know
what those are called,
387
00:19:14,924 --> 00:19:17,808
but they make smart girls
stupid.
388
00:19:17,810 --> 00:19:19,126
Max!
389
00:19:19,128 --> 00:19:21,312
I thought your tight ass
wasn't coming in tonight,
390
00:19:21,314 --> 00:19:24,682
and my heart
broke in half.
391
00:19:24,684 --> 00:19:27,468
You know what, Oleg?
392
00:19:27,470 --> 00:19:29,303
I needed that.
393
00:19:35,076 --> 00:19:37,978
So, um...
394
00:19:37,980 --> 00:19:40,247
I need a roommate,
if you want to crash.
395
00:19:40,249 --> 00:19:41,582
Hmm.
396
00:19:41,584 --> 00:19:46,370
Not gonna lie, the subway's
cleaner than your couch.
397
00:19:46,372 --> 00:19:48,539
Wow.
398
00:19:48,541 --> 00:19:50,624
I just felt myself
starting to like you.
399
00:19:50,626 --> 00:19:52,343
Really? Because I really feel
like we could...
400
00:19:52,345 --> 00:19:55,296
I knew that wouldn't last.
401
00:19:55,298 --> 00:19:57,514
Come on.
402
00:19:57,516 --> 00:19:59,016
Tomorrow we can
go into the city
403
00:19:59,018 --> 00:20:00,601
and get
the rest of your stuff.
404
00:20:00,603 --> 00:20:02,853
Everything's locked up.
405
00:20:02,855 --> 00:20:06,056
What, you have nothing that
you care about that we can get?
406
00:20:06,058 --> 00:20:07,608
Well,
there is one thing.
407
00:20:09,894 --> 00:20:12,863
The weirdest thing
is that nobody stopped us.
408
00:20:14,532 --> 00:20:16,033
I'm gonna save
a fortune,
409
00:20:16,035 --> 00:20:18,452
keeping him here
instead of in the stables.
410
00:20:18,454 --> 00:20:22,906
When did you put this whole
horse-in-my-yard thing together?
411
00:20:22,908 --> 00:20:24,074
I can't help it.
412
00:20:24,076 --> 00:20:26,026
I see an opportunity,
and I make it happen,
413
00:20:26,028 --> 00:20:28,162
like with your cupcakes.
414
00:20:28,164 --> 00:20:30,247
Like what
with my cupcakes?
415
00:20:30,249 --> 00:20:32,716
Ready?
To open a bake shop,
416
00:20:32,718 --> 00:20:34,885
all we need is
250 grand start-up money,
417
00:20:34,887 --> 00:20:36,303
for the real estate,
and the basic equipment...
418
00:20:36,305 --> 00:20:38,555
Yeah. Oh.
419
00:20:38,557 --> 00:20:40,975
- 250 grand, that's all?
- Yeah.
420
00:20:40,977 --> 00:20:42,760
Did freakin' Chestnut here
kick you in the head
421
00:20:42,762 --> 00:20:44,395
while I was in Starbucks?
422
00:20:44,397 --> 00:20:45,646
Hear me out.
423
00:20:45,648 --> 00:20:48,349
If we both worked two jobs
and made $2,000 a week,
424
00:20:48,351 --> 00:20:50,818
we could open a cupcake business
in a little over a year.
425
00:20:50,820 --> 00:20:53,804
In the past two days,
we've made $387,
426
00:20:53,806 --> 00:20:55,055
and that's a good start.
427
00:20:55,057 --> 00:20:56,273
We can make extra money
at other jobs,
428
00:20:56,275 --> 00:20:58,776
like publicists,
advertising executives...
429
00:20:58,778 --> 00:21:02,229
Janitors, drug mules.
430
00:21:03,365 --> 00:21:06,083
We really need to
work on your self-esteem.
431
00:21:06,085 --> 00:21:07,167
So...
432
00:21:07,169 --> 00:21:09,736
You, cupcakes,
me, business background,
433
00:21:09,738 --> 00:21:13,557
us, success.
What do you think?
434
00:21:14,742 --> 00:21:16,593
I think
you have a horse.
435
00:21:16,595 --> 00:21:19,596
I think we have a horse.
436
00:21:22,518 --> 00:21:25,302
Don't get attached.
30899
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