Original subtitles

[ Joe Cocker's "With a Little Help From My Friends" plays ]

♪ Baby ♪

♪ High with a little help from my friends ♪

♪ Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ♪

♪ Try with a little help from my friends ♪

♪ Oh, oh, I'm gonna keep on tryin' ♪

♪ Get by with a little help from my friends ♪

♪ I'm gonna keep on tryin', now, babe ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

For most kids I went to high school with,

Tuesday and Friday nights meant homework,

Hanging out, dating...

The usual agonies and ecstasies of teenage life.

For me, those nights meant something else...

My high-school job.

I was "Kevin Arnold, Chinese-food delivery boy."

[ gong sounds ]

[ People speaking Chinese ]

Chong's Chinese restaurant,

Where you found harried waiters,

Agile cooks, peeking ducks,

And of course...

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Mr. Chong.

[ speaking Chinese ]

After four months on the job,

We'd finally learned how to communicate.

[ speaking Chinese ]

He yelled...

Well, traffic was a little rough.

[ Speaking Chinese ]

Yes, sir. I'm sorry, sir.

And I made up excuses.

I'm sorry! [ Telephone rings ]

Not that the guy was Simon Legree or anything.

Hello! Chong's Chinese.

Oh, yes, we certainly do have reservations for this evening.

Mmh.

Yeah. Funny, isn't it?

Can I go now?

[ Speaking Chinese ]

Yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Still, in his own way, I think he valued me.

Hey, he didn't have a choice.

Who else was gonna work for 8 bucks a week plus tips?

Winnie?

Hi, it's me.

Uh, listen, these first deliveries aren't much,

So I figured it'll be a pretty easy night,

And I'll be over at your house around 9:30 or so?

Yeah. I love you.

Kevin?

Her.

- Hello? - [ Sighs ]

Kevin?

I'm I'm going. I'm... I'm going!

- [ Speaking Chinese ] - Yeah! I-i know.

And so, twice a week, rain or shine,

With egg foo yung and chicken chow mein by my side,

I entered a world unlike anything I knew at home.

[ horn honking ]

A world where anything could happen.

A world of adventure, excitement...

Competition.

The Fioni's pizza guy.

Every working night, I ran into him.

Maybe he was Italian and I was Chinese...

Hey.

But we had the mutual respect

Of two knights of the road.

[ snorts ] nice hat!

Sit on it.

In short, I hated the guy.

The first delivery of the night.

[ rings ]

Somehow it was always typical.

- Yeah? - Chong's Chinese.

The bewildered husband. We didn't order anything.

Are you sure? It's on the slip right here.

Yeah, I'm sure. We didn't order anything.

Honey? Is that the Chinese food?

Oh.

The informed wife.

Hi.

I'll get my wallet.

Next came the inventory.

Let's see, that's one shrimp in black bean sauce,

Moo goo gai pan, fried rice, and egg rolls.

Then the pop quiz.

- Is there soy sauce? - On the bottom.

- Crispy noodles? - Next to the soy sauce.

- Hot mustard? - Absolutely.

- We ordered two fried rices. - I put it all in one big box.

- Oh. - This was followed

By the self-serving brown-nosing.

And I also threw in some extra plum sauce for you.

Thanks.

Okay, how much do we owe you?

Uh, $8.65.

Which brought us to the bottom line.

[ cash-register bell dings ] the tip.

$8.65.

A total that screamed, "tip him $1.35!"

Uh, you... you want any change?

Give me a buck back.

Oh.

You keep the rest.

[ Chuckles ] thanks...

Sport.

For nothing.

'Course, a delivery like this was never complete

Without one final encounter.

[ dog barking ]

The yapping dog.

Oh, great.

How to handle this

Was in direct relationship to the size of the tip.

If it was a big tip, you'd throw the dog a spare-rib.

In this case...

[ snarling ]

[ Yelping ]

It was dog-eat-dog.

On the road, your car became your home,

- Your radio your companion. - ♪ I'm so glad you... ♪

It was like having your own private concert hall.

♪ ...Into my life ♪ ♪

♪ I'm a soul man ♪ ♪

Where you rocked

And rolled...

And moved...

And grooved.

Sure, maybe you couldn't sing a note.

It didn't matter. It was just you and the music.

You were Neil diamond and Mick Jagger rolled into one.

[ girls laughing ]

Oh, god.

[ Chuckles softly ]

[ laughing ]

Hey. Man, nice man.

Very nice! [ Laughs ]

Eat it!

Oooh!

In a situation like this,

There was only one way to regain your manhood...

[ engine revs ]

[ Engine revs ]

One way to restore your dignity...

[ tires screeching ]

[ Siren wails ]

Totally humiliate the other guy.

Pull over and turn off your engine.

Every night had its pitfalls, its perils.

These deliveries sometimes took you

To the most menacing and dangerous places.

[ thunder crashes ]

Here goes nothing.

And this next delivery was, by far, the most precarious,

The most threatening.

105 elm street.

The home of...

Oh, hello, Kevin!

Fannie Tambora.

Hi, miss Tambora.

You know Clarence, don't you?

[ Meows ]

Yeah. Sure.

Hi, Kevin!

Hi. How you doing?

Well, uh, look, I got the food here.

But I got to get... Oh, why don't you bring it in?

My hands are full.

Now, on the surface, this was a sweet, pleasant lady.

But underneath...

Well, I'm in kind of a rush.

Oh, it'll just take a minute!

She was a walking Venus flytrap.

Well, just a minute.

The problem was that her minutes were usually...

Oh, why don't you sit down?

An eternity.

Uh, no. Really, I...

Well, I have to find my purse.

Oh!

Uh, well, maybe just for a minute.

I'm gonna sit down but just for a minute.

[ Cat screeches ]

There's some coffee candy on the table.

No, thanks. No, I can't stay.

Here.

I brought you a root beer!

Oh, good.

Is it very hot out there?

Hot?

I read somewhere that the earth is moving closer to the sun.

So that's why it's getting hotter.

I guess in 50 years or so we'll all be burned up.

Not that it'll affect me.

No, I guess not.

[ Cat meows ]

Well, I-i mean...

I'm sure you'll be... Burnt up like to rest of us.

My mother lived till she was 92;

And my aunt, 85.

And my grandmother was 106 years old.

Oooh! Can you imagine? 106 years?

Nope.

No.

- [ Chuckles softly ] - But I...

She had a lot of trouble with her feet, my grandmother.

She used to ask all her grandchildren

To give her massages.

Do you think foot doctors are real doctors?

Because in my lifetime,

We didn't have all these specialists.

You know, we went to a doctor, and he saw all of you!

And I think that...

So... That'll be $4.23.

Oh! Of course.

Here's $5.00.

It's all for you.

Thanks.

Well, see you later.

Are you sure you can't stay?

I have Parcheesi in the closet!

Now, the the thing is, I knew she was lonely.

I knew she wanted company.

And there was really just one thing I could say.

I threw in some extra plum sauce.

No charge.

Ooh! Plum sauce!

Ooooh!

I love plum sauce!

You know, when I was a little girl...

[ gong sounds ]

Winnie. Yeah, hi, it's me.

Uh, listen, I'm running a little later than I thought.

The second phone call of the night.

Well, I-i had to talk to some lady's cat.

In some ways, it was pivotal.

Yeah.

Yeah, I miss you, too.

Unfortunately, privacy was at a minimum.

Yeah, yeah.

Winnie, I-i can't say it right now.

What the hell?

I love you, too.

- Ooh! - Ooh!

- [ Smooching ] - [ Laughs ]

Very funny.

Hey! [ Speaking Chinese ]

Yes, sir. Okay.

Hey!

And with those words of encouragement,

I was back on the road,

- Ready for anything. - ♪ R-e-s-p-e-c-t ♪

♪ Find out what it means to me ♪

♪ R-e-s-p-e-c-t ♪

♪ Take care, t-c-b ♪

♪ Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me ♪

♪ Sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me, sock it to me ♪

- ♪ Whoo, yeah ♪ - ♪ Just a little bit ♪

Of course, the role of a delivery boy

Wasn't exactly for the faint of heart.

[ doorbell rings ]

Fact is, sometimes you had to be a little pushy

To get the job done.

You had to be ready to deal with strange characters.

Very strange characters.

Mr. Kramer?

You're looking for Mr. Kramer?

Uh, yeah.

He ordered some food from Chong's Chinese.

I very much doubt it.

No, I have the slip right here.

Look, will you just let me talk to the guy?

My boss will get mad if I don't deliver this food.

As you wish.

Heh heh.

Like I said, sometimes you just had to get tough.

Not take "no" for an answer.

Here we are.

Mr. Kramer?

It was a delivery boy's worst nightmare.

The ultimate practical joke.

I don't think he'll be needing the fortune cookies.

And there you had it.

Delivering Chinese food wasn't just a job.

It wasn't just an occupation.

[ horn honks ]

Hey! You got any egg rolls?

In its own way, it was war.

[ gong sounds ]

8:00.

The midpoint of the evening.

The restaurant was in high gear.

People coming in, orders going out.

Yeah, Winnie, I know.

I'm just running a little later than I thought.

Well, I had this problem with the last delivery.

I'll tell you about it later.

Yeah, but...

I'm sorry. Kevin can't talk to you right now.

He's very busy.

But he loves you.

Yeah. The guy was all heart.

Hey! [ Speaking Chinese ]

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

I'm going, I'm going!

Butthead!

So I headed out again.

After all, I had a mission to fulfill.

It was my duty to bring pork lo mein

And crispy noodles to the good...

Oh.

Thank god!

[ Indistinct conversation ]

The bad...

Where you been?!

Come on! Let's eat!

And, of course...

[ girls giggling ]

The giggly.

But as the night wore on, a kind of malaise set in.

Small tips and minor annoyances took their toll.

[ horn honks ]

Sucker! [ Laughs ]

Still, somehow, you kept your spirits up.

You stayed optimistic

Because down any hallway, around any corner

Could be that one big score. [ doorbell rings ]

[ Rock music plays ]

Oh!

Wow!

Chinese!

Bingo.

This is really weird, man.

I thought I heard a bell.

And then, like, here you are.

How about that?

Hey, guys!

Munchies!

All right. I'll take it.

I got it. I got it.

Whoo! Whoo! Yeah!

So...

How's it going, man?

Fortunately, I knew exactly how to play these guys.

Well, you know it's not that easy, man.

You know, the job and all.

Oh. Oh, I hear you.

The system, right?

Uh, it can bring you down.

You just had to keep them on track.

Except for, you know, the generosity of my customers.

Oh, sure.

Generosity. Sure.

Well, that's 10 bucks for the establishment,

Plus, uh, anything you want to give to me.

And there it was.

Hook, line, and sinker.

Oh, man, I wish I could.

Huh?

Give you something more meaningful.

You know, like a sunny day or a rainbow.

But all I got is this...

Money.

I'm really sorry, man.

There you go.

Yeah. Me too.

One man's tragedy is another man's triumph.

[ Lesley gore's "it's my party" plays ]

♪ It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to ♪

I was on top of the world.

30 bucks in my pocket,

And best of all, the night was still young.

So there was nothing left to do but call Winnie

And let her know what time I was gonna pick her up.

Huh?

Just one little problem.

No.

No, no.

If you can't, you can't.

Of course I'm not mad.

Yeah.

Bye.

It was incredible.

Ironic.

Cruel.

Here I was with a pocket full of money,

A car full of gas,

And no place to spend it, but...

[ engine turns over ]

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, wait!

[ Sighs ]

[ Horn honks ]

[ laughs ] oh, man.

Hey! Hey!

Stop!

30 bucks.

30?!

But I just parked it on the street.

No kidding. Life's tough.

Thanks.

And with that, there went my profits.

20.

There went my rainbow.

25.

There went my night.

Want some Chinese?

I didn't even have to ask where he got it.

No, thanks.

10:00.

I was out of money, out of my girlfriend.

All in all, I was out of luck.

Seemed something had to be done

To make this evening worthwhile.

Something uplifting.

Something...

[ doorbell rings ]

Inspired.

Well! This is a surprise!

Pizza.

Pizza?

Did I order pizza?

Uh...

Well, why don't you come in while I get my purse?

It'll only take a minute. [ horn honks ]

[ laughs ]

Oh, no.

Oh, and you must meet Clarence.

Oh, come in!

Ohhhh!

Say "hello," Clarence.

Heck, after an evening of bad luck and bad tips,

Of towed cars and rabid dogs and unsympathetic girlfriends,

It only seemed fair to go out on a high note.

What?

More?

[ Speaks Chinese ] 216 maple.

[ Scoffs ] but it's 10:00. The restaurant's closed.

[ Speaking Chinese ]

216 maple.

But enough was enough.

No more.

No way, no how.

My day's over.

Now, I have my rights. I'm not a slave.

[ Gong sounds ]

All right. If that's how you feel about it.

I wasn't just standing up for myself.

I was standing up for oppressed workers everywhere.

The downtrodden. The disadvantaged.

The totally without guts.

One more. But that's it.

216 maple.

- [ Speaking Chinese, sighs ] - What the hey.

After a night like this, what else did I have to do?

[ owl hoots ]

216 maple.

Which in this case turned out to be...

A deserted park.

[ sighs ] I don't believe this.

[ Horn honks ]

And to add pepperoni to insult...

[ sighs ] I should have known.

I don't know.

Maybe it was my destiny

To end up on a lonely street in a dead-end job

With no one to share my sorrows with, but...

[ chuckles ]

Winnie.

[ Chuckles softly ]

Hi.

Did you get my message?

This is your order?

[ Chuckles ]

I knew it was the only way

I was gonna get to see you tonight.

So, we still on for dinner?

♪ When the night has come ♪

♪ And the land is dark ♪ Can I have some plum sauce?

- You got it. - ♪ And the moon ♪

And there you had it.

- ♪ Is the only light we'll see ♪ - This is nice, isn't it?

Yeah.

This is nice. ♪ No, I won't... ♪

Working for Mr. Chong

Certainly wasn't the best job I ever had.

The hours were long, the money was poor,

And employee-management relations

Left a lot to be desired.

But in its way,

Each night held a promise of riches and adventure.

- ♪ stand by me ♪ - You want some chow mein?

- ♪ Oh, stand ♪ - Uh, no thanks.

- ♪ By me ♪ - I'm kind of sick of Chinese.

♪ Oh, stand ♪

♪ Stand by me ♪ - well...

Maybe we could order some pizza. ♪ Stand by me ♪