Original subtitles

♪ What would you do if I sang out of tune? ♪

♪ Would you stand up and walk out on me? ♪

♪ Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ♪

♪ I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, baby, I get by ♪ ♪ By with a little help from my friends ♪

♪ All I need is my buddies ♪

♪ High with a little help from my friends ♪

♪ I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ♪ -♪ Try with a little help from my friends ♪

♪ Whoa-oa-oa-oa ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ Somebody who knows quite sure ♪

♪ Baby ♪

♪ By with a little help from my friends ♪

♪ Said I'm gonna make it with my friends ♪

♪ Try with a little help from my friends ♪

♪ Oh, I'm gonna keep on trying ♪

♪ High with a little help from my friends ♪

♪ I'm gonna keep on trying now, baby ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

No two ways about it...

- when I was 14... - Hey.

Uh!

I was a pretty cool kid.

Not in the 99th percentile of coolness maybe,

but definitely top third of my class.

♪ And when you get it... ♪

I knew the walk. I knew the talk.

I had my own kind of style.

But like a lot of cool kids my age,

I did have one tragic flaw,

one terrible secret

that threatened the very fabric of my fragile image.

♪ Whoa, yeah ♪

♪ I'm a soul man ♪

I, Kevin Arnold...

Hi, honey!

Hi, Mom.

Had a Mom.

Did you have a good day at school?

Yeah.

Well, I'm glad.

Don't get me wrong, I liked my mother.

She was good to me.

Hungry?

Nah.

Well, a little.

Good.

I made you a grilled-cheese sandwich.

She made me grilled-cheese sandwiches.

Milk?

Thanks.

She poured my milk.

Oh, and I sewed that button on the shirt that you like

so you can wear it tomorrow.

She sewed my buttons.

That's great, Mom.

And I went shopping for you today.

You did?

Mmhmm.

Face it... the woman loved me.

She knew me better than anyone in the world,

which, of course, was the problem.

Look! Underpants!

[ Horror music plays ]

Your favorite kind.

She knew too much.

[ Buzzer sounds on TV ]

Still, like a lot of housewives of her time,

what Mom knew was pretty much limited to her domain.

Oh, Jack, the dryer's been acting up again.

I had to change the filter on it today.

Ehhh.

And I put a new shower curtain up in the bathroom.

And so long as what she did in her world

didn't interfere with our world,

that was fine with us.

And...

I've got some news.

I was in line this morning at the A&P,

and Marietta Newburn was ahead of me.

She mentioned that her next-door neighbor had just quit her job,

and they needed someone to fill her position.

Just temporarily.

So?

So I went in.

It's mostly just light typing and filing, nothing difficult.

And I'd be home in plenty of time to cook dinner.

What do you think?

Now, obviously what was required here

was a show of enthusiasm, however half-hearted.

Fine with me, then.

Sounds great, Mom.

Mom...

You're blocking the TV!

[ Buzzer sounds on TV ]

Oh, gosh! I'm sorry!

And the decision had been made.

Well, then.

I guess that's that.

After all, if a little meaningless clerical work

could brighten her day, nothing wrong with that.

So, where is this job?

In the attendance office at Kevin's school.

[ Buzzer sounds on TV ]

It was the cool kid's worst nightmare.

Mom? Listen, about this job.

Give me a hand with this, will you, honey?

Oh. Whew!

It's been so long since I've actually typed.

Wonder if it's like riding a bicycle.

Seemed to me this was a little more critical

than typewriters or bicycles.

Mom, are you sure this is a good idea?

I mean, I just wondered if,

you know, you've thought this all through.

How do you mean, honey?

Well, you know, a big decision like this

isn't something you just want to rush into.

Oh.

I see.

There.

All I had to do was detail the greater ramifications.

Which one do you think I should wear?

Mom!

Kevin.

You're really worried about this, aren't you?

God bless the woman.

Kind of.

Well, don't be.

Just because I'm going to work

doesn't mean that I'm gonna neglect you.

What?

I may have a job, but I'm still your mother.

And you're still my little boy.

It wasn't exactly a comforting thought.

Give me that.

Still, I figured sooner or later,

Mom would realize what a bad idea this was.

All she needed was a little time to think it over.

What time should we leave tomorrow?

Tomorrow?

I start at 9:00. We can drive to school together.

Thanks, but I think I'll take the bus.

[ Horn honks ]

This is fun, isn't it?

So much for public transportation.

I have never seen you dawdle so long

getting ready for school.

Sorry.

You think I'm dressed okay?

Actually, she looked kind of like an astronaut's wife.

You look fine, Mom.

Now if she could only look invisible.

I'm just sorry that we won't be able to see each other more.

What do you mean?

Well, I'll probably be cooped up

in that attendance office all day.

I don't think I'll even have time to say hello.

You won't?

Well, then. Things were looking up.

Maybe this wouldn't be so bad.

Maybe once we got to school,

no one would even know she was there.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Once we actually got to school.

Ready?

Kevin?

Uh, you go ahead, Mom.

I got a, uh... a knot in my shoelace.

You want any help?

Oh, I may have an extra one in my...

no! No, really. Thanks!

I don't want to be late.

No, no, wouldn't want that.

- Well, then. - See you, Mom!

[ School bell rings ]

So, I'd passed the critical hurdle.

I'd crossed the mine field.

With Mom safely stashed in the attendance office,

I was feeling good again, cool again.

Hey, Kev!

Guess who I ran into at the attendance office.

Your Mom.

Oh, she wanted me to give this to you.

Oh, my gosh.

There was only one way to handle this.

[ Laughs ]

That's a pretty good one, Paul!

Huh?

My mother?

I don't even have a mother.

What?

Well, of course I have a mother,

but she's not here, Paul.

Give me that. But I just saw her.

No, you didn't, Paul.

- But I'm sure I... - No, you didn't, Paul.

You did not see my mother, Paul. Do I make myself clear?

[ School bell rings ]

- Oh. - Take you seats, please.

[ Sighs ]

Okay, I'd weaseled my way out of it.

But it was clear if I was gonna survive this,

I was gonna have to lay low...

Avoid public situations...

[ Fire alarm ringing ]

Like, say...

Fire drill!

[ Indistinct conversations ]

Now, ordinarily a junior-high-school fire drill

has all the excitement of a four-week vacation

packed into 10 minutes.

[ Indistinct conversations ]

But while everyone else was partying,

I was busy keeping watch.

There she is.

Who?

My mother.

What's she doing now?

Oh. She's talking to Mr. Diperna.

Diperna?

Great. Invading my turf wasn't bad enough.

Now she was fraternizing with the enemy.

This is unbelievable.

Kev, aren't you making kind of a big deal out of this?

I mean, look at you...

hiding from your own flesh and blood?

Easy for him to say.

It wasn't his flesh and blood.

Paul, just stay out of this, okay?

Oh, come on.

What's she doing to hurt you?

Well...

And suddenly, I felt ashamed.

Paul, as usual, was right.

This was my mother, the woman who cooked my food.

And for that one moment, I actually forgave her.

Yoohoo!

Yoo-hoo! Hi, honey!

Just for that moment, though.

[ Laughter ]

Yoohoo! Kevin!

Possibly it had been the longest seven periods

of my life in formal education.

Hi, honey!

In one fell swoop, I'd plunged from the top third of coolness

to the bottom of the barrel.

This is your fault!

Mine?

Why did this have to happen to me?

It happened because your mother cared enough

to say hello when she saw you.

But somehow, I doubted that.

Paul, what am I gonna do?

Well, there's only one thing to do...

talk to her.

Tell her how you feel.

I don't know.

I don't... I don't think so.

Kevin! Yoo-hoo!

[ Smooching ] [ Laughter ]

Mom?

We got to talk.

How do you mean?

Well, see...

One little problem here.

How do you explain cool to a 40-year-old housewife

who folds your sweat socks?

How did it go today?

Well, I think it went okay.

Actually, I was a little nervous.

It was just all so different than what I'd expected.

But it was fun...

I guess.

Once I get my typing up to speed,

I know I'll really enjoy the job.

Oh, good.

And that was that.

Except... Somehow I knew I had to face this thing head on.

Listen, Mom?

This wasn't gonna be easy.

It was gonna take tact, finesse.

When we're at school...

Could you maybe just...

Not talk to me?

Or notice me or even look at me?

You know, 'cause I'd rather people

didn't even know you were there at all.

Well, of course, Kevin.

If that's what you'd like.

Uh-huh, Winston Churchill himself

couldn't have handled it better.

Still, over the next few days, things kind of... Changed.

Now that we'd had our little talk,

Mom was as good as her word.

Alex, look at this car.

And while I worked to patch my injured image...

Norma Arnold turned into a stranger.

[ Sighs ]

By Friday, I guess I was feeling pretty lousy

about what I'd done.

Face it... what harm was Mom actually doing me?

Hey, buddy.

I hear your old lady's working for the brass.

[ Cigarette sizzles ]

Ask a stupid question...

Tony.

Tony Barbella... RFK's answer to java man.

Listen, Arnold.

You don't mind if I call you "Arnold," do you?

Well...

see, I need to ask you a favor...

If that's all right with you.

Well...

I need a pass.

You know, the green ones... get out of jail free?

Oh.

And, uh, since you got family connections

in the front office,

I figured you were the guy to come to.

Well, Tony, of course I'd like to help you,

but just 'cause my...

I understand the problems, the logistics.

Listen, if you do this, I would really...

Really... Really...

Really appreciate it.

[ Boing! ]

[ Typewriter clacking ]

I was mad.

I'd been led to a life of crime.

And I knew by whom.

The real culprit was right behind that counter.

Mom?

Oh, Kevin.

What are you doing here?

I, uh...

Forgot my lunch money.

Honey, my purse is on that desk back there.

Would you mind just coming in to get it?

Sure.

Ah, the devious depths of the criminal mind.

Okay, so I knew it was wrong.

I had no choice.

Besides, after all I'd been through,

what court in the world would convict me?

[ Paper tearing ]

Kevin?

And suddenly, court was in session.

I, uh...

Uh, Mrs. Arnold, could I speak with you, please?

I'll be right in.

As soon as possible, please.

Well, I have to get to work.

[ Sighs ]

[ School bell rings ]

Mom!

Suddenly the Tony Barbellas of the world

seemed like small potatoes.

Mom?

About what happened...

It wasn't what it looked like.

Anyway, I-I didn't take that pass.

I know.

So

Kevin, could we talk about this later?

I'm just a little distracted right now.

I just got my walking papers.

Mr. Diperna just fired me.

Oh.

He said my typing wasn't up to snuff

and that my dictation was laborious.

He said that?

I don't know.

Maybe he's right.

Anyway...

Now you know.

I'm really sorry, Mom.

I guess even astronauts' wives had a bad day once in a while.

Want some company?

No.

[ Horn honks ]

Could you take the bus?

I think I'd like to go for a drive.

Sure.

[ Car door closes, engine turns over ]

So, where is she? I'm hungry.

How should I know?

That night I didn't feel up to explanations.

Something happen at school?

No!

I-I mean, nothing that I know of.

I knew I was gonna be in trouble for what I'd done,

but that's not what troubled me most.

Standing in that kitchen

where Mom had made her family grilled-cheese sandwiches

for past 18 years,

I knew that something had changed.

[ Vehicle approaches ]

About time.

Mmhmm.

Dad, Wayne?

The least I could do was prepare them

for the shattered soul about to walk through that door.

Hi!

Anybody hungry?

- Oh. - Mm-hmm.

Sorry. I lost track of time.

We'll eat in 20 minutes.

Just let me get this casserole in the oven.

Oh, and I stopped by

and picked up the crumb cake you all love.

- Great. - Oh.

You need that freshened, honey?

Thanks.

It was incredible.

This was the most unshattered soul I'd ever laid eyes on.

She seemed happy.

Almost confidant.

Almost...

Oh, Kevin, did you tell your father about school today?

Completely out of her mind.

What about school?

I won't be working there anymore.

What?

Why?

Well, it's pretty simple, really.

And I knew she was gonna tell them...

About everything.

Only for some reason, she didn't.

It's just not the right job for me.

Not right now.

And I think I can do better.

So I won't be going back there.

Right, honey?

Well, then, if that's what you want.

That's what I want.

And in that moment, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt

one thing about this woman I'd been so ashamed of.

By the way, you're grounded.

She was pretty cool.

[ Typewriter clacking ]

When you're 14, change is an everyday thing.

You live with it every moment of your life.

But that night, I understood for the first time

that Mom's world was changing, too,

maybe more than mine.

Her family was growing up.

She didn't have kids in pajamas anymore, asking...

Mom, do we have any more hot chocolate?

Would you like me to make you some?

Sure.

Still, somehow...

I knew that whatever change lay ahead...

Norma Arnold would handle it.

Ready in a minute, honey.