All language subtitles for Sister.Boniface.Mysteries.S02E06

He's had it...
Dead as the pharaohs.

Murder?

Snuffed it.
Ha ha ha!

- Oh, blimey.
- Cut!

- Mint Imperials from Felix.
- Oh! Much appreciated.

Oh, and the flowers
are from production.

"Hope it's not too stiff.
Love the "Oh, Do Behave" gang."

- Oh, well, that's nice.
- Hmm.

Yes, I hope I didn't mess
things up too much.

It was very convincing.

Well, that'll be
Felix's doing, I'd imagine.

- Oh, yes?
- He's on set right now

as their police advisor.

This one is,
"Oh, Do Behave, Constable."

So he's there helping out,

making sure that the law
is represented correctly

at all times.

Then the officers would seek
to notify the next of kin

before canvassing for witnesses
and taking statements.

Right.
We're not doing any of that.

Get that back to wardrobe.

Tell them shorter, lower.
Tell them hurry up.

Well, these are all
essential components

- of a murder investigation.
- I want to entertain people,

thrill them.

Audiences don't want procedure,
Constable Livingston.

- They want titillation.
- It is Sergeant Livingston.

And respectfully, I disagree.

Er, Sexton?

Erm, sorry.

I got the amend for today,
and just wondering...

Do you think my character would
fall on to Bonnie Pluck Rose

- like that?
- Let me stop you there, Roy.

First of all,
it's not your character.

They're all mine.

Sexton St. Juste productions,
remember?

Not Roy Perk.

Secondly, you see here
on the page?

What does it say?

Does it say he falls
onto Bonnie Pluck Rose.

- Yes, but...
- There you go.

Heavens.

I don't know what's worse.

This one telling me
how to do my job or you.

What you want, darling?
A tip.

Never work with children
or animals.

Speaking of which,
where is Sally?

Where is Eric? Am I the only one
actually working today?

Sir?

Sir, if we could...

if we could finish the convers...

I bet you get to go
to all the fab parties, eh?

Los Angeles, "Cans."

Cannes, Peggy.
Cannes.

But it's not all that exciting.

I get bored with the parties,
to be honest.

I wish showbiz had nothing
to do with acting.

Oh, I like the craft,

becoming someone.

Take my character.

She's just seen
her first dead body, right?

Her first murder victim.
What does that feel like?

The first one.

Er...

Fine!

That interfering, old dandy!

Now, now, Eric, come on.
Calm down now.

- Here.
- I'm not doing another one

of these poxy films ever again,
I promise you.

Let's just get through it
in one piece.

I'm a consummate professional.

I'm not in there.
I'm here.

Not like that, darling.
Get over to wardrobe.

Chop, chop.

Airing my dirty laundry
to the washer.

- Eric...
- The old piece of work, Sexton.

I've got a good mind
to knock your block off.

Problem, darling?

Anything the police
can help with?

Marvellous.

Everybody over to the set.
Places, please.

Now look here.

Robust Aubergine
was a guest of our parish,

a VIP of international renown.

It falls to the police
of Bishop's Rise

to solve his murder.

He cracked it on our turf,
and you know it.

I've got Baggy Bottom's finest
working on it right now.

- How many officers?
- Plenty.

Well, can't you give me
a rough figure?

You've got one of those
already. Ha ha ha!

And cut.

Here, can we go
on that one again?

I think I could lend that "rough
figure" gag a little bit better.

Doubt it. Besides, no one's
watching it for your bon mot.

They'd rather look at hers.

Oh, for heaven's sake.
Really?

Well, they need something nice
to gawk at, don't you think?

If it's just you on the screen,

people are likely
to burn it down.

- Why am I dressed like this?
- You've gone undercover.

She's not under much cover
from where I'm standing.

Does this mean I'm...
I'm not doing the fall?

Of course
you're still doing the fall.

That's all you're good for.

But if she's dressed like that,
then...

- She'll end up undressed, yes?
- Beg your pardon.

- Oh, Sexton, don't be vulgar.
- Yeah. Come on, mate.

I like an eyeful
as much as the next bloke,

but this is a no.

Can't we at least
talk about this

without the audience?

Oh, so you're all revolting.

You in both senses of the word.

Fine.
Everybody break for lunch.

Cast can stay and talk.

Rest of you, shoo.

I was just coming to find you.

Fancy a spot of lunch?

I already ate,
and I'm about to head back.

- How is Sister Boniface?
- Resting up.

She was very excited
about your work here, though.

- Really?
- Oh, yes.

Looking forward to your
influence on the finished film.

Boys in blue at their best.

What's wrong?

I think I should have
another word with the director.

- Okay.
- I'll see you later, yeah?

Mr. St. Juste?

Look, I think we should have
a proper talk

as to my responsibilities here

and just how you plan
to depict the police.

Sir, we are not fools.

We are officers
of keen intelligence,

diligent and smart
and observant.

- Murder?!
- It looks that way.

Well, then there's no time
to waste.

No, no, no, no.
You stay where you are.

You are interfering
with the recovery process.

Strictly no visitors.

But...
But it's police business.

Oh, well, then perhaps
the police would like

to handle it themselves
for a change.

But we...

She...

Of course, Reverend Mother.

Apologies.

Er, wishing you
a speedy recovery, Sister.

It's nettle soup.
Lukewarm nettle soup.

Sorry. The walk from the kitchen
took longer than expected.

Oh! Oh! Ooh!

Oh, my goodness.
Oh, dear.

Oh, no, no, no!
No, no, no, no!

Please! Please!
Sister, stop touching it.

Oh! Erm... erm, maybe, erm...

Maybe you could do me
a small favour instead.

No luck with Sister Boniface.

She's under lock and key,
more or less.

Here.
Strangulation, I would say.

But there's no sign of a weapon.

This was still running
when I found him.

Okay, well,
let's get that developed

as quickly as possible.

Knock, knock.

Sister Boniface's idea,
I take it.

She's briefed us, told us
everything we need to know.

It'll be as though
she was here herself.

That the victim?

I can see we're in safe hands.

Alright, better make a start
on our crime scene.

Actually, there are
two crime scenes.

Two?

Yeah, there's been
a development.

I can tell you something.

No professional burglar
did this.

You always start
bottom drawer up. Saves time.

- So I've heard.
- Right.

Reg, we need fingerprints,
fibres, forensics.

Divorce papers.

He had a wife?

But he was so obviously...

entitled to respect and dignity.

Look at who he's married to.

Interesting.

Dead?

Are you quite sure?

Yes.

And we suspect foul play.

Well, that would explain it.

We found a divorce petition
in his dressing room.

Forgive me for saying,

but you didn't seem
like a married couple.

It was a marriage
of convenience.

Well, for him, at least.

He was keeping up appearances.

And what changed?

My appearances.

With the divorce not settled,

you'd enjoy a payout
in the event of his death.

Oh! A benefit to our marriage.
Finally.

You don't seem very upset.

You saw what he was like,
didn't you?

He could be a little bit...
abrasive at times.

Let's not mince words, Sergeant.

The man was a monster.

Heavens. Only this afternoon,
he had poor Sally in tears.

Miss Chagford?

He took her aside
for a quiet word,

and given how unabashed he was
at insulting us all publicly,

one can only imagine the things
he would say in private.

And he was the same with you?

He was the same with all of us.

I'm sorry, gentlemen.
You have my sympathies.

Well, good luck
with finding someone

who didn't want him dead.

Miss Loveday tells us you had
an emotional discussion

with Mr. St. Juste earlier.

Would you mind telling us
what he said?

He rewrote the scene
so when Roy fell on me,

me dress was supposed
to fall off.

And when I said
I didn't want to do it,

and insulted my acting ability,

told me there's only two reasons
people cast me in anything.

And what are they?

Told him I'm an actor,
not a doll.

I've had people take
a serious interest in my work.

You don't honestly think
these playwrights

and theatrical agents
are meeting you

for any other reason?

Oh, darling.

Oh, bless.

Look, it's obvious
where your talents lie.

Be a good sport and do this,

and I won't have to cast around
for another pretty pair.

You are such a pig!

So as far as Sexton
is concerned,

it's strip off or be replaced.

I'd already run off
before he could get that far,

but probably.

Who was left at rehearsal
after you'd gone?

Genevieve, Eric, and Roy.

We were the only ones
in the scene,

but what any of them did
after I'd gone,

I have no idea.

Well, thank you.

Right.

Reverend Mother has gone
for her pre-supper ablutions.

- We've got 30 minutes, tops.
- All right.

- Little early, Sister.
- It ain't for me.

It got delivered
to the dead bloke's trailer.

- Thought it might be a clue.
- Huh.

Sure.

"Thanks for the tip,
William Asher."

Crime scene photos.

- Fresh from the darkroom.
- Yes, marvellous.

Leave them down here, please.

I left the lens cap on
for the first few.

Sorry.
Still learning.

No, but, erm, look... the,
erm... the contrast

on this one of the neck...
Very good.

Excellent composition,
Sister Peter.

I only mean that the detail
might help give a better idea

of the murder weapon.

See, erm, the indentation

of a floral design there
in the centre?

A necklace?

Well, at first glance, I'd say
the ligatures are too wide,

but...

They look like straps,
but they curl up like so,

and it's the same on both sides.

Oh, dear.
Oh, I say.

Steady on.

Felix.

Oh, no, I-I-I wasn't...
I didn't mean to... oh.

Don't get your knickers
in a twist.

We've all seen them before.

No, no, no, no! Sister!

Well done, Sister.

Thank goodness

the Reverend Mother
didn't catch us.

Right.
But it's safe to say

we know what our missing
murder weapon was...

Death by brassiere.

I always said those things
were murder.

Are we still doing this?

Well, in a manner of speaking.

I've got Eric's joke.

Well, it's your joke now.

It'll be funnier
coming from you.

And you think having a nicer
person behind the camera

- is enough to save the show?
- Well, it's worth a shot.

I mean, what's the worst
that could happen?

Another one of us ends up dead?

Just do as he asks,
and we're all out of contract.

None of us has to do another
one of these ever again.

Right, well, let's get on
with it, shall we?

Er, places, please.

I have told you before about
teasing my Pterois radiata!

Special Constable Feely!

Hello, hello, hello.

- What's all this?
- Another bust

for the Bishop's Rise Police?

Inspector Jugs!

Er, not yet, I haven't.

Ha ha ha ha!

And cut there!
That was great!

Sally, perfect.
Eric, you were gold.

Really? You think?

Alright, let's take
a tight half an hour,

and then I want that same energy
when we come back.

I've looked all over for you.

Well, that was foolish.

I haven't been all over. I've
been here, waiting for me lunch.

Lunch?
We've barely started.

We've done our bit...
Collected evidence,

worked out what the weapon was.

- They'll do the rest.
- We've still got to find the...

Two big baps.

- I asked for a sausage roll.
- Oh, are you sure?

Sorry.

Look here...

finding the murder weapon
is legwork for the coppers.

Finding the murder weapon
is a moral obligation,

and it might be fun.

Hard work, more like.

I don't know how she does it,
rummaging around in drawers

and dustbins and all that
snooping and science.

I get tired
just thinking about it.

If you ask me,
Sister Boniface is doing

what any good sister
would do with her talents...

Helping people.

Good sister?
What am I then?

Flaky tart?

- I beg your pardon?
- Your flaky tart.

I said sausage roll.

What did you even write down?

I wrote down "nun."

Why didn't you write down
my order?

Because then I wouldn't know
who to give it to.

Give me strength.

Right. Let's go and look
for these bras then

before I lose my marbles.

Come on.

Sausage roll!

Oh, sorry.
She's gone.

She's gone? I thought
she said "sausage roll."

Peggy's gone to wardrobe.

She'll take what
she finds to the lab.

You and I should probably deal
with the suspects in person.

Wait.
To ask them for their...

It's police work, Felix.
Evidence.

Have they started filming again?

Okay, I'm gonna go
and find out what's happening.

You start with, erm,
Sally's bra.

Have you resumed filming?

No flies on you, chap.

But your director is dead.

Roy's taken over.

Didn't waste any time
getting it back, did he?

- Getting it back?
- Yeah.

It was him that wrote
the first one... the play.

Whole idea was his basically.

Ah, oh, well, it's, erm, not a
great time for this, Inspector.

I've... I've got a lot
of work on.

Yeah. I was surprised to
see production back so quickly.

Well, we're...
We're under contract,

and we've only got the location
for so long.

You know, there's a lot
of time-sensitive pressures,

- financial obligations.
- It is a crime scene.

Yes, and we're working
around it.

Believe me. Erm, is that all
you wanted to ask me?

We've been, er, on the lookout
for an item of clothing

that may be connected
to the death of Mr. St. Juste.

An undergarment, to be precise.

That. Ah.

Er, well, yes.

Well, funny thing is,
erm, groupies.

Er, tenacious, they are.

It's mine, Inspector.

Miss Loveday.

Groupies, darling?
Really?

Well, I tried my best.

Did Sexton know about this?

Nobody does.

We were hoping
to keep it that way.

But with your husband
out of the way,

that's a lot less
to worry about.

That's the last of them.

There's dozens with that rose
design on the front.

Nothing.

I'm not sure any of this
is working.

What's supposed to happen?

The evidence sits under a sheet
of blotting paper,

which has been sprayed with
starch attached to a blue dye.

It will then react
with any amylase on the fabric.

We put the glass plate on top.

Press it down with our rear.

Oh, it's changing colour.

Is it?

It must be covered in it,

Covered in what?

Saliva.

Eric Cockburn?

How does a bloke's bra
get covered in spit?

Ooh.

My underwear?

- Yes, please.
- Right, of course.

Cos that's what
I'm here for, isn't it?

- Sally Strip-off.
- No, no, this...

This is important police work.

An abuse of power.
That's what it is.

You know, I thought you were
one of the nice ones.

C... erm, erm, er...

Can I j... Can I just have
the t... the top part, please?

The... The brassiere?
Not the...

Not... Not the bottom part.

Everything all right?

Fine, yeah.

Pig!

Perhaps you could just
gather them all together

and bring them out
when you're decent.

I'm not sure you need
to do that now.

Hello.

We think we found it.

Do we know who it belongs to?

Yeah, it's...

Here.

Round the back.

Hey!

Get out of here.

Stop that van!

Oh, blimey.
What's going on?

I was only trying
to get to the pub,

and these two penguins
come out of nowhere.

See you got your hands
full again, Sergeant.

I ain't done nothing wrong.

- You tried to escape.
- Yeah.

You knew we were
looking for brassieres

because you'd overheard me
say as much.

But you knew why
we were looking for them.

I didn't kill nobody.

I leave that stuff
lying about anywhere.

The crew pick it up.
Anyone could have borrowed it.

You auditioned
for the Maigret film.

Am I right?

My colleague overheard you
complaining

about Sexton spilling your
dirty laundry to the washer.

Now, my guess is that the washer
is a nickname for William Asher,

the Maigret film producer.

What did he tip him off to?

I noticed
your hip flask earlier.

I drink, yes.

But I don't flub my lines,

I don't miss my marks,
and I don't cock up.

But Sexton...
He spreads it about

that I'm hard to work with.

He tells the Maigret lot
that I'm a liability.

So they withdrew their offer.

That's made you angry.

Bloody furious!

A forensics examination
of this bra

showed it was covered in saliva.

Must have taken
a fair bit of anger

to shove that whole thing
in his mouth.

Not when your mouth's
as big as his.

You're a heel.
You know that?

A big bucket of manure.

Oh, darling, I've spared you
the embarrassment.

It was a favour.

Anything to keep me here,
your pet buffoon.

It is the part
you were born to play.

He weren't dead when I left him.

If he suffocated, I'd...

it was an accident.

I weren't trying
to do him no harm.

You believe me, don't you?

- You let him go?
- I didn't charge him.

There's a difference.

We know that our victim
was strangled.

This whole suffocating
with a bra

and leaving it behind...
It doesn't add up.

That's if he's
telling the truth.

- He's an actor, after all.
- Look, I want to see

what's on this film before
we go barking up the wrong tree.

Can we stop gabbing
and get on with it?

The Rev's with the plumber,
but there's only so many rocks

I can stuff down the sink.

That was you?

- We need her distracted.
- Well, the next time

you distract her,
try to do it on the other side

of the building
from the infirmary.

No gratitude.

S-S-Sister?

Okay. Here we go.

What's happened there?

You have to be joking.

We have a camera running
at a murder scene,

and it has captured
absolutely nothing.

It might still be worth

letting Sister Boniface
have a butcher's.

Perhaps we've missed something.

It's a wall.

Fine.
It can't hurt.

Sister...

why are these reels so large?

It's the format.

35 mil.

And are there smaller formats
in film?

There's 16 millimetre,
8 millimetre.

That's more for cameras
people have at home, though.

He was asking me.

And one of those films...
How big would a canister be?

Say about this size?

Yes, almost exactly.

Felix?

Before he went
into Genevieve's trailer,

Sexton took a delivery
of a small canister.

I thought it was part
of the film production.

But it could be personal.

The sort of thing you might
search his trailer for.

It's mainly just the wall.

There's a shadow at the start,
but it's not much to go on.

Hmm. Well, I'm sure
fresh eyes can't hurt.

And it makes a change
from nettle soup.

As long as you don't find out
that I made a mistake

letting Eric Cockburn go.

I trust your instincts
on that one, Sam.

If he really thought he killed
Mr. St. Juste by suffocating him,

- then he's not our strangler.
- Hmm.

Well, hopefully, Felix's hunch
on the home video pays off.

We need something to go on,
so...

I thought I heard voices.

Oh, erm...

Well, that must have been
a-a workman.

Been a few about, so...

- Roofers, yes.
- Hmm.

I'll be overseeing
their work on the East Wing.

It would seem that
some of the tiles

have magically gone missing.

Oh, how... peculiar.

Yes, very.

Oh. Erm...

I'm sorry, er...

- Yes. Thank you.
- Thank you.

Perhaps if you told me what you
were looking for, I could help.

Perhaps if you waited outside,
I could work a little faster.

"Wedding?"

Well, he was never
that sentimental.

Said my dress looked like
a tart's handkerchief.

Well, you can't need it, surely.

I'm afraid
that this is evidence,

so, yes, I will have to take it.

Mm, you're looking
none too healthy.

This one's awake,
Dr. Thrustgood.

Thank you, Nurse Blush.

Dr. Wedbetter, with me!

- Excuse me, doctors.
- Ooh! Ooh!

Found a cure yet?

Sorry, I'm a little
out of habit.

So is she.

But just her leg.

Excuse me, but what does that
thing on your head actually do?

This?

This lets me know where I am.

Where's that been?

In the spotlight.

Of course!

Bingo!

Just hope this one's a bit
more revealing than the last.

No turning back.
Move it.

Sister Reginald!

You'll put your back out
stacking them that high.

Ah, I could do twice this
at Billingsgate.

And how many years ago was that?

Still in my prime.
Never you worry.

Who needs all that wine anyways?

- The film people.
- Yeah.

You know what
they showbiz types are like.

Not to be a nuisance,
but you're hurting my bad leg.

Ooh.

Well...

you did say
you wanted revealing.

I think you'll need to explain
this one to, er...

Sister Boniface.

- Yes.
- Yeah.

Yes.

Yes, I think that light
was a bit more to the left.

- Maybe two-thirds of an inch.
- Mm-hmm.

And, erm...

yes, the director's chair
needs tilting

about seven degrees
south-southwest.

How about I just turn it
and you say when?

When, when, when.

Ah, back on your feet.

More or less, yes.
I've had a flash of inspiration.

Right.
Well, erm, speaking of flashes,

Felix found
the missing home movie.

Oh, good. Yes.
Does it show us much?

Erm...

You could say that.

When I say "home movie,"
I mean more bedroom movie.

Apologies, but we would
like you all to join us on set.

Well, whatever for?
We were about to rehearse.

I imagine some of you would
like to be cleared of murder.

Thanks to the camera
that was left running

and witness testimonies,
we're able

to reenact the last moments
of Sexton St. Juste,

which we'll perform for you now.

Er, lights, camera, action.

Erm, anyway, erm,
as per the footage,

a figure comes
from behind the camera

and casts a shadow over Sexton,

here, played
by Sergeant Livingston.

Is this entirely necessary?

Well, a killer could just
step forward

and admit what they've done.

You don't honestly think
it was one of us?

Keep watching.
You'll find out.

Erm, this person then takes
their bra off like so

and accidentally
knocks the camera.

Obviously,
Sally and Genevieve here

couldn't pull off
a brassiere like that

without exposing themselves.

Now, hold on.

I already explained what
happened here to the copper.

- It was an accident.
- No, it was murder.

Sexton was strangled,
and there's no mistaking that.

Hang about. Strangled?

But I stuffed it in his gob.

Sally, you may go.

Now, hold your horses.

I did not do no strangling
of no one.

You're right.
You didn't.

- Sally did.
- What?

I had to put you in front
of the spotlight to be sure.

Your dress gave it away.

You weren't caught on camera,
but the reflections were.

Moments after Eric left
the still-breathing Sexton,

you came in and killed him.

- What?
- That's a stretch.

Why would I?
What for?

For this.

You haven't watched it,
have you?

He told me
he'd show it to the papers.

I was going to the West End
after this

to do some proper acting.

I'd be a joke,

a tart the rest of my life
if that came out.

You are such a pig!

Listen, love,
if you won't do this,

I'll have to drum up publicity
some other way.

Perhaps the press might like to
see one of your earlier films.

It's a bit blue, mind you,
and shows a lot more

than I'm asking for.

Took some work tracking it down.

Not my cup of tea, of course,
but I'm still very glad

to have it.

I hate you!

I thought if I got
the film, I'd be okay.

Turned his trailer over,
but it weren't there.

I was in a panic
when I couldn't find it.

I have to make him tell me.

Where is it?!

The swine wouldn't say,
just kept grinning.

He was enjoying how upset I was.

It was a stupid blue film I made
years ago when I was a dancer.

I didn't want people thinking
I was a tart

and not a serious actress.

He was gonna ruin my chances.

But I've done that myself,
haven't I?

Sally Chagford...

I'm arresting you for the murder
of Sexton St. Juste.

You are not obliged

to say anything
unless you wish to do so,

but anything you do say
may be put into writing

and given in evidence.
I am sorry.

Their first tip-off
was the snuff box.

Why would celebrated
anthrophile Robust Aubergine

reach for his tobacco

when admiring
the fragrance of pink bloomers?

Perhaps it was the stench
of your pathetic village.

Later, when I examined
the fingerprint powder,

I discovered that it was laced
with fine black pepper,

which triggered a sneezing fit.

Yeah, that's had me sneezing
and all.

Oh, you buffoon.

Aubergine reaches
for his medicinal snuff,

only to inhale a fatal dose
of lionfish venom...

Venom from someone's
pet Pterois radiata.

- You've got one of those, too.
- Oh, shut up!

Robust Aubergine was not
in Bishop's Rise

for the fattest plums
competition.

He was on the trail
of Fanny DuBonc,

the poisoner of Provence.

That looks just like you, ma'am.

Oh, mon dieu!

I should have killed you, too,
you...

Whoa!

And cut!
That's a wrap.

I have to say,

despite everything,
that was the best one yet.

"Yet"?
I thought you weren't doing

another one of these poxy films
ever again.

Well, with him,
they're not poxy.

They're fun. All of the sauce
and none of the sleaze.

Well, it won't be the same
without Sally.

Well, if we make any money
on the next one,

we could all chip in...

You know,
for legal expenses and things.

Well, I'm game if you are.

Well, I did have an idea
for one set in a convent.

I've always wanted
to wear a wimple.

Well
you do have some bad habits.

Oh, do behave.

It's like you were never gone.

Thank you.

Now, you must hurry along
or you'll miss your wrap party.

And the extra
he's been talking to.

She prefers the term
"background artiste."

Yeah.

Ooh!

No!

Ah! You're awake.

Perfect. Hmm.

You know, I thought
I was going to have to spend

another afternoon overseeing
repairs on the outer wall.

But then I happened to come
across a huge pile of masonry

just outside
Sister Reginald's cell.

- How strange.
- Strange, yes,

I thought so myself.

And she kindly volunteered
to do the work herself,

which left me free
to plan my evening properly.

You know, the funny thing is...

the funny... I half expected you

to do something childish,
like stuff your bed with pillows

and... and...
And climb out the window.

Oh! Well, that would have
been mischievous.

Yes, it would,
especially for the policemen.

Because if I thought
that they were

sneaking into private quarters
again,

I would have to report
their perversions

to the chief constable.

Anyways, what with your leg

preventing you
from attending vespers,

I thought we should do something
to accommodate you

and bring it here
to you instead.

Oh, no! You don't have
to do that on my account.

* Oh, God *

* Come to our aid *

- * Oh, Lord *
- Right then.

* Make haste *

* To help us *

* Oh, God *

* Come to our aid *

Glory be to the Father
and the Son,

and the Holy Spirit.

Amen.

Amen.