Original subtitles

This is my son Jeremy.

Last April, Jeremy was killed

while driving under the influence of alcohol.

The fact is that every year,

over 17,000--

( thumping )

ANNOUNCER: Still going!

Energizer batteries!

They keep going, and going, and going,

and going, and going,

and going, and going, and going...

Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!

*

ANNOUNCER: It’s...

With Dana Carvey...

Nora Dunn...

Phil Hartman...

Jan Hooks...

Victoria Jackson...

Jon Lovitz...

Dennis Miller...

and Kevin Nealon.

And featuring Al Franken...

Mike Myers...

G.E. Smith and the Saturday Night Live Band.

Musical guest, Tracy Chapman.

And starring Andie MacDowell.

Ladies and gentlemen, Andie MacDowell!

It’s great to be hosting Saturday Night Live.

I just wanted to let everybody know that my family is watching

in Ashville, North Carolina,

and my daddy-- he’s with them,

and I don’t think he’s ever seen the show before

because he goes to bed every night at 9:00.

In fact, we’re not allowed to call the house after 9:00.

Ohh.

( laughs )

I’m not sure what he’s gonna think of all this,

because it took him a long time to even go see Sex, Lies, and Videotape,

and he had to drive, like--

( cheers and applause )

He had to drive 50 miles up to Charlotte to see it alone,

because I think he was embarrassed about the title.

Um, I called and asked him what he thought of it,

and he said, "Well, dear, um...

"the subject matter was kind of uncomfortable,

"but I liked youa lot.

"I mean, I think youdid a real good job.

I don’t know about those other ones."

( laughs ) So, you can see I’m a little concerned

about how he’s gonna take all of this,

because tonight he’s watching it with my entire family.

So, Daddy, we just did a dress rehearsal,

and I just wanted to let you know that I saw the show,

and I think that tonight you ought to go to the kitchen maybe

and make a sandwich at 11:41,

and it should take about seven minutes to do it.

And at 12:04, it might be a good time

to go take the plate back to the kitchen and get a beer.

But listen, there’s a real pretty scene at 12:23,

so you don’t have to leave.

But you might just want to turn down the volume,

and that way, everybody could talk about how pretty I look

until about 12:28.

And there’s just one more thing.

The show goes off the air at 12:47, okay?

And that’s it. We’ve got a great show tonight.

Tracy Chapman is here.

I want to let my dad know that Tracy Chapman is a singer.

So, don’t go away. We’ll be right back.

Oh, Sarah, I want you to meet Diane.

Her baby’s going to be with us next year, too.

Yeah. Nice to meet you.

Well, just find me if you have any questions.

Okay. Thank you.

Hi. He seems nice.

Oh, yeah, this place is terrific.

I must’ve looked at 100 day care centers before I found this one.

Oh, really? This is the first one I’ve tried.

You’re kidding. That’s really convenient.

( crying )

Oh, whoops. Oh, baby.

Is that thing comfortable?

Oh, I don’t know what I would do without this.

It keeps my hands free,

and they say that it’s really good for the baby

to be near the mother’s heartbeat.

If you want one, they’re in the Aprica catalogue.

Oh, no, that’s okay. I just kind of like holding my baby.

I guess I’m old-fashioned.

Well, if you ever change your mind,

they also sell them at Olsen & Hauer, too.

Oh, thanks. Thank you.

Boy, I wish they had this when I was a kid.

Isn’t this great? Did you see the toys in there?

Yeah, I know. Cool.

So, how’s my little guy doing?

Oh, let me see.

Oh, he’s asleep.

That’s what he does best.

Don’t you mind not being able to see him?

No, not at all. It’s a very safe place

for a baby to be, actually.

They can’t bump into anything.

What I like about it is, they get used to seeing the world

from their eventual adult height,

so that they realize they won’t always just be little babies.

Really, you should get one. Take a look at this thing.

Well, I’m not sure. I don’t know that much about them, really.

All right.

Thanks, though.

Excuse me. Does anyone know

if they have a weekend program here?

Yeah, they do, but there’s a huge waiting list.

Don’t worry, honey. Let me look into it.

Hey, is that made by Kluge?

Oh, yeah. It’s a godsend.

Those are fantastic, aren’t they?

I’m sorry, but I’m not really sure I understand

the purpose of this one.

Oh, well, a lot of doctors feel it’s best

to keep the baby close to the mother’s center of gravity.

It gives them an innate sense of balance.

I had no idea. Yeah, it’s great.

Hi, everyone. Hi.

Excuse me, miss,

if you’re tired of holding your baby,

we’ve got plenty of room in our Snuden.

Uh...well, thanks. Maybe later.

( baby crying ) Julie’s, she’s crying.

All right.

Good girl.

Let’s sit down.

Oh, how are you doing, Tom?

How are those twins, huh?

They really need to be changed.

You don’t know if there’s a bathroom nearby, do you?

Yeah, sure, come on, follow me.

Come on, you two. Come on.

You know, um, I’m not sure I understand.

Shouldn’t they be closer to his center of gravity?

Oh, no, not twins. It’s best to keep them in Helmka boots.

This way, they’re forced to cooperate,

but they have to develop their own sense of identity.

Hey, Sandy, how are you doing? Your baby looks great.

Oh, thanks. Peter took the car,

so we had to walk.

My God, is that your baby up there?

Oh, yeah--the balloon. It’s great.

It gives her an overview of social interaction

and a sense of humility.

They’re made in Iceland. Every baby should have one.

I didn’t know. No one told me.

Hey, you got a Strupf Balloon.

Those are great. Yeah, they are.

Do you have a baby?

Yes, ten months old. I brought her here with me.

Come on, come on.

Good boy. Good girl.

I didn’t know you could buy this in the U.S.A.

Oh, you can’t. I had a friend pick it up.

Oh.

How could I have known? I couldn’t have known.

So, do she and the dog get along?

Yeah, that’s the idea. It’s supposed to help her form relationships

in her adolescence.

Oh, yeah.

( crying ) I didn’t do this right.

All I got was a stupid blanket!

Oh, Sarah, what’s wrong? What is it?

I just hold him. I’m worthless.

Oh, honey, there’s nothing wrong with that.

Yeah, she’s right. No one way is more valid than the other.

Except the balloon.

Yeah, except for the balloon,

they’re all just about the same.

No, you haven’t done anything wrong.

Oh, God, thanks. Oh, thank you.

I feel so silly. I just panicked, that’s all.

I’m okay, I’m okay.

( crying ) Oh.

Time to feed my baby.

Oh, mine, too. He’s so hungry.

Ohh.

*

You’re just too sick, Santa.

You’re gonna have to stay in bed, and that’s that.

But it’s Christmas Eve! What about all the boys and girls?

They’ll just have to understand.

No! I’ve delivered toys every Christmas

for almost 2,000 years.

I’m not going to let a little stomach virus stop me this--

( vomits )

Oh, Santa. Santa.

Ohh! I feel like dying!

Why can’t the elves deliver the toys?

The elves just don’t possess the magic

to visit the millions and millions of boys and girls in one night!

Well, then I guess there isn’t going to be a Christmas.

Well, there is one man who has that kind of magic.

Only he’s kind of busy this time of year himself.

You mean... That’s right.

Hanukkah Harry.

( klezmer music playing )

( telephone ringing )

Hello?

Speaking.

Who? Oh, hello, Santa.

Hey, could you hold it down, please? It’s long distance.

Well, Santa, you kind of caught me at a bad time--

it being Hanukkah and all.

But...why not?

* On Moishe, on Herschel, on Shlomo *

* Says Hanukkah Harry eight nights a year *

* On Moishe, on Herschel, on Shlomo *

* Means that Hanukkah Harry is here *

* Delivering toys *

* For Jewish girls and Jewish boys *

* We dance the Horah around the menorah *

* When Hanukkah Harry is here *

( donkeys braying )

I can’t thank you enough, Hanukkah Harry.

Santa just can’t keep anything down.

Try a little cottage cheese.

It’ll settle his stomach.

Harry...

Santa...

I brought you a coffee ring.

Thank you, but I can’t keep anything down.

Well, you should maybe try a little cottage cheese.

It’ll settle you.

So, I’m here. Talk to me.

Harry, here’s a list of who’s been naughty and who’s been nice.

Hmm.

Hmm, Brad Anderson-- naughty.

Now, what did he do that was so bad?

His parents had some company over,

and he spoke when he wasn’t spoken to.

What?! What is with you people?!

What, is that a crime? These are kids.

Kids talk. I’ll bring him a little something.

Listen, you get some rest, I’ll deliver the toys,

and tomorrow I’ll call you.

Don’t worry!

Hanukkah Harry, we can’t thank you enough.

Ha! Stop! You’re embarrassing me.

Oh, what a nice man.

You know, I guess deep down

everybody is pretty much the same.

HARRY: On Moishe, on Herschel, on Shlomo!

( donkeys braying )

*

Look, the milk and cookies are still there.

I told you-- he won’t come until we fall asleep.

( donkeys braying )

HARRY: Whoa, Moishe! Whoa, Herschel! Whoa, Shlomo!

It’s him! It’s Santa Claus!

Oh, quick! Hide!

( rumbling )

Oy!

Tree! Tree! Where’s the tree?

Ah, here we go.

Okay. What’s this?

Better put it in the fridge before it turns.

Santa! Shh!

Ay, Gott in himmel! You gave me a coronary!

What are you kids doing up?!

We were just too excited. We couldn’t sleep.

Santa, we’re sorry.

Doesn’t mean we won’t get any toys, does it?

What? For insomnia? Don’t be silly.

Try some warm milk. Or bananas.

They have a little tryptophan--

put you out like a light!

Hey, you don’t look like Santa. Scott...

Well, Santa’s supposed to have a red suit

and a cherry nose,

and you have a black suit, and your nose--

Ah! You’re a very smart boy.

I’m not Santa Claus. I’m Hanukkah Harry.

Hanukkah Harry? Yes.

Santa has a stomach virus,

so I’m filling in,

bringing toys to all the gentile boys and girls.

Goody!

Now, Christine...

Santa told me you’ve been very good,

so I’m being especially nice to you.

Thank you, Hanukkah Harry.

Socks?

Eight pair! Can you believe it?

And, Scott, for you-- some slacks.

Uh, they’re a little big, but you’ll grow into them.

Gee, Hanukkah Harry, thanks and everything,

but normally, Santa gives us toys and fun things.

Fun?! Ha!

Have I got fun?

Christine, for you-- a dreidel!

And for you, Scott, some chocolate coins.

Oh. Wait a minute. I get it!

What? Get what?

Well, you know how we’re always jealous

of Rachel and Josh down the block

because they always get Hanukkah presents for eight nights?

Well, maybe these are the kind of presents they get,

so we shouldn’t be jealous.

You’re right, you’re right.

And if Hanukkah Harry is helping Santa,

maybe that means that Christians and Jews,

deep down, are pretty much the same.

Maybe that’s the real meaning of Christmas.

( sleigh bells ringing )

SANTA: Ho ho ho!

It’s Santa! Oh!

Maybe he tried the cottage cheese.

Santa! Santa! Santa! Santa!

Santa! Santa Claus!

( laughing )

Ohh!

Merry Christmas!

Santa Claus, it’s really you!

Yes, Christine... your little speech

about the true meaning of Christmas

magically cured my flu!

Now I can relieve Hanukkah Harry

and deliver presents to all the gentile boys and girls!

Christine, you’re not supposed to open this until tomorrow.

Oh, come on!

Ha! All right, it’s a Barbie Make-Me-Pretty.

Oh, thank you, Santa!

And, Scott, this is for you-- a pellet gun!

We love you, Santa!

Well, what am I? Molded whitefish all of a sudden?

Oh, Hanukkah Harry, mwah!

We love you, too. If it wasn’t for you,

we wouldn’t have had Christmas at all.

She’s right, you know!

Oh, please, stop! You’re embarrassing me!

( laughing )

Merry Christmas!

HARRY: On Moishe, on Herschel, on Shlomo!

Happy Hanukkah!

( donkeys braying )

*

ANNOUNCER: And now, Weekend Update,

with anchorperson Dennis Miller.

Thank you. Good evening, and what can I tell you?

Boy, it might’ve been a short summit conference,

but towards the end, these two guys got so cozy,

right after this photo was taken,

Bush had Gorby pulling on his finger.

President Bush has claimed that recent pro-democracy changes in Czechoslovakia

are the direct result of influence by his administration.

In a related story, Prague held its first free elections in over 30 years,

and Czech freedom fighter Alexander Dubcek

has been linked to furloughed Massachusetts rapist Willie Horton.

An awkward moment during his speech this week in New York

when Vice President Dan Quayle’s faceplate popped off,

and they had to re-solder a circuit board

before the speech could continue.

Secretary of State James Baker was in West Berlin this week

and couldn’t resist taking a peak through the Berlin Wall.

Here’s what he saw through the peephole.

*

Afterwards, he went backstage to meet one of the performers.

Egyptian authorities this week reopened an investigation

into what really happened last year

when a 700-pound chunk of the Sphinx

plummeted to the ground.

The crumbling Sphinx-- could it have been sabotage?

To answer that question, the Egyptian government

has called in a blue-ribbon panel of erosion experts.

And now, just in from the North Pole,

is a very perturbed Mrs. Claus.

Hello, Mrs. Claus. Hi, Dennis.

Hello, everybody.

Dennis, thank you so much for letting me do this.

I’m sick and tired of my husband ignoring me.

And I knew he watches the news every night,

so he might see this.

Santa, I’ve tried everything

to distract you from making those stupid toys all year

and leaving me alone every Christmas Eve with the elves.

This is my final attempt to get your attention.

( rock music playing )

* Every year you go away *

* While I’m turning old and gray *

* Santa, please skip Christmas this year *

* I dyed my hair, I lost some weight *

* I could make you feel really great *

* Santa, please skip Christmas this year *

* Everybody knows by now *

* Santa Claus is just not how *

* Presents end up under the Christmas tree *

* Look at me *

* I’m horny as a bat from hell *

* I need your love, can’t you tell? *

* We could drink some eggnog, lay down by the fire *

* Think of all those tingly things *

* Our little red suits could inspire *

* Everyone knows you don’t exist *

* So you can never be missed *

* Pillows belong on a bed, not under your shirt *

* Lose that list that you check twice *

* I’ll be naughty, I’ll be nice *

* Put something in my stocking *

* Christmas Eve, we could be rocking *

* The children will all be okay *

* Maybe we could even-- *

( microphone feeding back ) Oh!

* Maybe we could even conceive some of our own today *

* Santa, please skip Christmas this year *

* I’ll ring your bells *

* Santa, please skip Christmas this year *

* Some milk and cookies *

* Santa, give it to me *

This-- Give it to me...

* This year *

Whoo-hoo!

( laughing )

Never mind, Santa Claus!

Thank you, Mrs. Claus.

Suddenly, I’m sitting here with a candy cane.

Wow.

Is it just me, or did she just get feedback

off her breast?

( laughs )

You know, today marks the birthday

of Ludwig van Beethoven,

the noted 18th-century composer

who inspired the hit song Roll Over, Beethoven.

And Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife Maria Shriver

became parents this week for the first time.

They had a beautiful baby daughter

who was born in a Los Angeles hospital.

The attending physician there’s no mistaking it’s Arnold’s kid.

The baby immediately began doing pull-ups on the umbilical cord.

A judge ruled yesterday that reputed mob boss John Gotti

can learn the names of his jurors in his upcoming assault trial,

but not their businesses or home addresses.

Jury Foreman John Smith said that he is not worried.

but juror Laika Jardel Rapsanick

said, "Yeah, I’m a little worried.

But I’m pretty sure he’s not guilty."

Last week, the National Capital Planning Commission

approved the National Parks Service proposal

to give the Washington Monument grounds

one of the most extensive facelifts in its 105-year history.

The first step in the plan is to bring in, once again,

a blue-ribbon panel of restoration experts.

Tonight will be the last Weekend Update of the Al Franken decade,

and, here to give his thoughts on the ’90s,

is Al Franken. Welcome, Al.

Thank you, Dennis.

In December, 1979, I sat behind this desk

and asked you to think about what you could do for me--

Al Franken.

Well, it’s ten years later, and I know you’re wondering

what the ’90s will bring for me--Al Franken.

Another Al Franken decade? No.

No, in the ’90s, I’m going to be looking beyond myself-- Al Franken--

because, frankly, I’m worried about the kind of world

we’re leaving to my children.

I’ve had two this decade-- a son, Joe,

and a daughter...

uh...

Boy, this is embarrassing. Um...

I can see her face. She’s really beautiful.

In fact, when I look at my kids,

I see me--Al Franken.

And that’s why the 1990s will be...

the Joe Franken decade. Joe?

Hi, Joe. Hi, Dad.

Uh, first of all, congratulations--

first, on being my son,

and on my decision to make the 1990s

the Joe Franken decade.

Now, I understand you have a joke for us.

Knock, knock. Who’s there?

Me. Me who?

Me--Joe Franken.

And, Joe, your watchword for the ’90s is...

Yes!

By the way, Joe will turn 15

just before the close of the Joe Franken decade.

You did a good job, Joe.

Thank you, Daddy.

And for those of you who won’t be able to be in Times Square

on New Year’s Eve,

here’s a little peek at how the Joe Franken decade

will be ushered in.

( crowd cheering )

Dennis?

Thank you, Al. Thank you, Joe.

Thank you, buddy. Joe Franken.

Thank you, Joe.

Thank you.

I already like him better than the old man.

You know, ravaged by time and weather,

the Mount Rushmore faces are being studied by mineralogists

to see if the granite needs resurfacing,

and to aid in the decision, they’ve called in a blue-ribbon panel

of experts for advice.

You know, if he keeps this up,

we’ll be able to tell him to his face

if we still need him when he’s 64.

This is this week’s cover of TV Guide,

and, you know, I find it easier to believe

in the concept of a 16-year-old surgeon

than I do to believe in a 16-year-old kid

who hasn’t asked his parents to stop calling him "Doogie".

The American Bald Eagle-- whose population plummeted two decades ago--

has made such a dramatic recovery

that Federal officials say it will no longer be an endangered species,

but rather a threatened species.

Trying to figure out why sportsmen

are not going after the Bald Eagle as much as they used to,

a wildlife spokesman said, "The only thing we can figure

"is that many hunters are put off by the fact

"that the Bald Eagles often pull hair from this side of their skull

"over to thisside of their skull

to cover the bald spot."

This week, to celebrate its 50th anniversary,

Ted Turner’s superstation broadcast the classic Gone with the Wind.

This time, Turner racially colorized the film

so that the white actors became black

and the black actors became white,

confusing many who were seeing the movie for the first time.

And Don King had his annual hair-trimming party yesterday.

Guess what, folks? That’s the news.

*

*

* Some of our favorite musicals *

* Bear his name *

* He’s earned a place in songwriting’s hall of fame *

* Where the legends are at home *

* So, let’s raise our glasses in a toast *

* To the composer that we love the most *

* Mr. Hal Jerome *

Tonight, we pay tribute to the great Hal Jerome.

The songwriter of Broadway Tin Pan Alley fame.

Hal Jerome was special.

Maybe he wasn’t the best lyricist

or the most skillful musical craftsman.

But he had the unique ability

to convey a sense of himself in his songs.

So true. Jerome was the most personal songwriter of his time.

Yes, and when you listen carefully to an Hal Jerome lyrics,

you really get a feeling for the man.

The Hal Jerome story started in 1902.

The son of Polish immigrants, young Hal was born and raised

on Manhattan’s Lower East Side.

Now, his father had hoped Hal would become a pharmacist,

but oh, no-- Hal had his own dream.

And when his first Broadway musical-- Babes on Broadway--

opened in 1923,

that dream was realized.

Now, here’s one of the hits from that show.

*

* I was born in 1902 *

* My parents are Polish immigrants *

* Who raised me on Manhattan’s Lower East Side *

* They want me to become a pharmacist *

* But I have a dream of my own *

* Which is being realized right now *

Babes on Broadway was a big success.

But offstage, Jerome’s life was not so smooth.

A rough marriage ended abruptly,

and Jerome was mired in family difficulties.

Meanwhile, on the Great White Way,

Jerome had another hit show--

Oh, Missouri!

* Oh, Missouri, my wife just left me *

* But I still got my brother-in-law hanging around *

* He’s a nice guy, but he’s a little hard to deal with *

* Oh, Missouri *

* You’re my favorite state *

Jerome was clearly maturing as a songwriter,

and soon his personal life would take an upward swing.

He left Manhattan and moved to the countryside,

where his newfound peace of mind

enabled him to pen such standards as this one.

* I am feeling great *

* Today, my dear *

* So am I, my life’s on an upward swing *

* With my Suffolk County move *

* I’ve new powers yet to prove *

* And I think I’m going all the way *

* ’Cause I’m maturing as a songwriter *

* Every day *

Maturing as a Songwriter became number one on the hit parade,

and stayed for ten weeks in a row.

However, Jerome’s next song--

entitled My Song "Maturing as a Songwriter" Became Number One--

was a poor follow-up.

But Jerome rebounded with his next tune,

I Wrote a Poor Follow-up,

only to fail a few months later

with I Rebounded.

It was at this time that Jerome hit a creative wall

that was to stifle him for over a year.

Over that period, Jerome composed 14 tunes,

all of which were titled...

I Can’t Think of a Damn Thing.

Desperate to capture the old magic,

Jerome entered a tense period of introspection

and self-examination.

He emerged with a creative burst

that produced the scores for After You, Ladies--

perhaps his most personal work to date.

Here’s a scene.

Hey, look, everybody. Trixie’s here.

Bartender, get that martini ready.

Trixie, you look like you have something to say.

You bet I’ve got something to say.

* I’m Hal Jerome *

* I’m five-foot-nine- and-a-half *

* I weigh 160 pounds *

* I have a mole on my left shoulder *

* My blood type is AB *

* I recently lost my keys *

* If anyone finds them, please mail them *

* To 79 Benson Road, Riverhead *

* New York *

( scat singing )

* It would be really appreciated *

While it was a critical success,

audiences were bewildered,

and this sad pattern was continued.

Perhaps it was merciful, then,

that Jerome contracted a rare pancreatic disorder

that was to take his life.

On his deathbed, Jerome composed one final important work.

Although it is unfinished,

the genius that was Jerome is clearly evident.

* I’m dying *

* I’m sure this is it *

* I just hope I can get this all down *

* It’s been a good life *

* A fine life *

* Youch! That’s not a good pain *

* Well, don’t just stand there, you idiots *

* Don’t just stand there, you idiots *

* Where is that dumb, fat nurse? *

* Get her, please, thank you *

* Whoo! *

* It’s not like I imagined it *

* Damn it, my pencil dropped *

* Okay, where was I? *

* This may go unfinished *

* But the genius that is me *

* Is clearly evident *

* Uh-oh! Ah! *

* Oh! Ah! *

* False alarm *

* I’m still okay *

* So, I’ll leave you with this wisdom *

* Use it wherever you go--Ohh! *

* When composing music-- * ( coughs )

* Write what you *

( all coughing )

*

( knock on door )

Come in.

Ohh! Oh, my God!

Look at you! You look so beautiful.

I feel beautiful.

This is your day.

I can’t believe my baby sister’s getting married.

Oh, I can’t, either.

Can you tell I’ve been crying?

Oh, honey, that’s so sweet.

I’m so depressed. Oh, God.

Do you realize that everybody who was at Uncle Paul’s funeral

is here today?

You’re kidding. Except Uncle Paul.

And our charming brother is down there with a video camera

he’s got in everybody’s face. I’m so bloated.

You look fine. You look fine.

God, Jimmy’s got me on video, and I’m bloated!

( knock on door )

Come in.

Ohh! Oh, my God!

You look beautiful!

( shouting )

My best friend is getting married.

God, you just look beautiful!

Do you want a water pill?

No! It’s-- It’s this dress.

You look great in that dress.

I do not! Sure you do.

I do not! You absolutely do.

( overlapping chatter )

Oh, my God! Look at you!

Oh, you look...

( sobbing ) ...beautiful.

What’s the matter? Are you okay?

Can I get you some water?

Do you want a damp cloth?

Oh, honey, what--

( wailing )

Is it-- Is it my mother?

Do you hate your dress?

God, are you hyperventilating?

I’m sorry. Okay.

Okay. This is your day.

I know it is. I know it is.

( sobbing )

Oh, my God!

Jack! You’re not supposed to see me before the wedding!

Look at you! You look beautiful!

What are you doing here?

It is a real zoo down there.

Ohh, honey, don’t look at me!

I didn’t want to do this, you know.

I wanted to get married at City Hall a month ago.

Why do we have to get married here?

Why couldn’t we do it at myparents’ place?

Your parents live in an apartment.

Let’s compare backgrounds again, shall we?

I just thought we agreed on this.

No, no, we didn’t agree. I said I would do it

because I wanted to do it for you.

I’m doing it for you. It’s your day.

And I hope you remember that.

Your brother smashed into the back of the limo.

( sighs )

Back to the zoo.

Hi, princess. Oh, Daddy!

Daddy, I am so upset and confused.

Oh, kitten, that’s okay.

You’re supposed to be confused.

I am? Sure.

You know, your mother had her doubts.

Neither one of us was sure it would work out.

It took us about 30 years

before we realized we didn’t really like each other.

At all.

You see, you’ve got plenty of time to figure it out.

Come on.

Let’s go downstairs.

Oh, Daddy, I love you.

Remember, honey--

this is your day.

Oh, Daddy.

*

Merry Christmas, everybody! I had a blast!

I want to thank Tracy Chapman and everybody--

all the audience!

I want to thank my whole family, too!

I’m glad you could watch!

I love you, honey! I love you, Paul!

I love my babies, too!

And this one!

Whoo!