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1
00:00:04,437 --> 00:00:06,373
This is my son Jeremy.
2
00:00:06,406 --> 00:00:08,541
Last April,
Jeremy was killed
3
00:00:08,575 --> 00:00:11,011
while driving under
the influence of alcohol.
4
00:00:11,044 --> 00:00:13,413
The fact is
that every year,
5
00:00:13,446 --> 00:00:15,882
over 17,000--
6
00:00:15,915 --> 00:00:17,450
( thumping )
7
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:19,486
ANNOUNCER: Still going!
8
00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:21,254
Energizer batteries!
9
00:00:21,287 --> 00:00:24,824
They keep going,and going, and going,
10
00:00:24,858 --> 00:00:27,460
and going, and going,
11
00:00:27,494 --> 00:00:30,997
and going, and going,and going...
12
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:34,467
Live from New York,
it’s Saturday Night!
13
00:00:34,501 --> 00:00:36,136
*
14
00:00:52,686 --> 00:00:53,853
ANNOUNCER: It’s...
15
00:00:59,859 --> 00:01:02,062
With Dana Carvey...
16
00:01:02,062 --> 00:01:05,065
Nora Dunn...
17
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,667
Phil Hartman...
18
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,903
Jan Hooks...
19
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:13,907
Victoria Jackson...
20
00:01:13,940 --> 00:01:17,410
Jon Lovitz...
21
00:01:17,444 --> 00:01:20,080
Dennis Miller...
22
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,981
and Kevin Nealon.
23
00:01:22,082 --> 00:01:25,118
And featuringAl Franken...
24
00:01:25,151 --> 00:01:27,087
Mike Myers...
25
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:32,392
G.E. Smith and theSaturday Night Live Band.
26
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:37,364
Musical guest,Tracy Chapman.
27
00:01:39,466 --> 00:01:43,636
And starringAndie MacDowell.
28
00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:56,416
Ladies and gentlemen,Andie MacDowell!
29
00:02:24,744 --> 00:02:26,880
It’s great to be hosting
Saturday Night Live.
30
00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:29,115
I just wanted to let everybody
know that my family is watching
31
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:31,084
in Ashville,
North Carolina,
32
00:02:31,117 --> 00:02:33,086
and my daddy--
he’s with them,
33
00:02:33,119 --> 00:02:34,854
and I don’t think he’s ever
seen the show before
34
00:02:34,888 --> 00:02:37,257
because he goes to bed
every night at 9:00.
35
00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:42,128
In fact, we’re not allowed
to call the house after 9:00.
36
00:02:42,162 --> 00:02:44,130
Ohh.
37
00:02:44,164 --> 00:02:46,232
( laughs )
38
00:02:46,266 --> 00:02:48,902
I’m not sure what he’s
gonna think of all this,
39
00:02:48,935 --> 00:02:52,839
because it took him
a long time to even go see
Sex, Lies, and Videotape,
40
00:02:52,872 --> 00:02:54,674
and he had to drive, like--
41
00:02:54,708 --> 00:02:56,242
( cheers and applause )
42
00:02:59,245 --> 00:03:03,383
He had to drive 50 miles
up to Charlotte
to see it alone,
43
00:03:03,416 --> 00:03:06,119
because I think he was
embarrassed about the title.
44
00:03:06,152 --> 00:03:09,055
Um, I called and asked him
what he thought of it,
45
00:03:09,055 --> 00:03:12,759
and he said,
"Well, dear, um...
46
00:03:12,792 --> 00:03:15,061
"the subject matter
was kind of uncomfortable,
47
00:03:15,061 --> 00:03:17,063
"but I liked youa lot.
48
00:03:17,063 --> 00:03:19,199
"I mean, I think youdid
a real good job.
49
00:03:19,232 --> 00:03:21,601
I don’t know
about those other ones."
50
00:03:21,634 --> 00:03:24,204
( laughs ) So, you can see
I’m a little concerned
51
00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:26,272
about how he’s gonna
take all of this,
52
00:03:26,306 --> 00:03:29,275
because tonight
he’s watching it
with my entire family.
53
00:03:29,309 --> 00:03:32,112
So, Daddy, we just did
a dress rehearsal,
54
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,614
and I just wanted
to let you know
that I saw the show,
55
00:03:34,647 --> 00:03:39,085
and I think that tonight
you ought to go to
the kitchen maybe
56
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:42,088
and make a sandwich
at 11:41,
57
00:03:42,088 --> 00:03:45,191
and it should take
about seven minutes to do it.
58
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:47,894
And at 12:04,
it might be a good time
59
00:03:47,927 --> 00:03:51,097
to go take the plate
back to the kitchen
and get a beer.
60
00:03:51,097 --> 00:03:54,934
But listen, there’s
a real pretty scene at 12:23,
61
00:03:54,968 --> 00:03:56,970
so you don’t have to leave.
62
00:03:57,003 --> 00:04:00,040
But you might just want
to turn down the volume,
63
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,442
and that way, everybody could
talk about how pretty I look
64
00:04:02,475 --> 00:04:04,244
until about 12:28.
65
00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:06,046
And there’s just
one more thing.
66
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:10,183
The show goes off the air
at 12:47, okay?
67
00:04:10,216 --> 00:04:12,819
And that’s it. We’ve got
a great show tonight.
68
00:04:12,852 --> 00:04:14,954
Tracy Chapman is here.
69
00:04:24,230 --> 00:04:27,600
I want to let my dad know
that Tracy Chapman is a singer.
70
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:30,203
So, don’t go away.
We’ll be right back.
71
00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:43,683
Oh, Sarah, I want you
to meet Diane.
72
00:04:43,717 --> 00:04:45,418
Her baby’s going to be
with us next year, too.
73
00:04:45,452 --> 00:04:47,354
Yeah.
Nice to meet you.
74
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:49,689
Well, just find me
if you have any questions.
75
00:04:49,723 --> 00:04:51,458
Okay.
Thank you.
76
00:04:51,491 --> 00:04:53,193
Hi.
He seems nice.
77
00:04:53,226 --> 00:04:55,195
Oh, yeah, this place
is terrific.
78
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:58,798
I must’ve looked at
100 day care centers
before I found this one.
79
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:00,767
Oh, really? This is
the first one
I’ve tried.
80
00:05:00,800 --> 00:05:03,036
You’re kidding.
That’s really convenient.
81
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:04,437
( crying )
82
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:05,739
Oh, whoops.
Oh, baby.
83
00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:07,374
Is that thing
comfortable?
84
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:09,909
Oh, I don’t know
what I would do
without this.
85
00:05:09,943 --> 00:05:11,678
It keeps
my hands free,
86
00:05:11,711 --> 00:05:13,346
and they say that
it’s really good
for the baby
87
00:05:13,380 --> 00:05:15,048
to be near
the mother’s heartbeat.
88
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,617
If you want one,
they’re in the Aprica
catalogue.
89
00:05:17,650 --> 00:05:20,954
Oh, no, that’s okay.
I just kind of like
holding my baby.
90
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:22,922
I guess
I’m old-fashioned.
91
00:05:22,956 --> 00:05:24,824
Well, if you ever
change your mind,
92
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,694
they also sell them
at Olsen & Hauer, too.
93
00:05:27,727 --> 00:05:29,262
Oh, thanks.
Thank you.
94
00:05:29,295 --> 00:05:31,631
Boy, I wish they had this
when I was a kid.
95
00:05:31,664 --> 00:05:33,533
Isn’t this great?
Did you see the toys
in there?
96
00:05:33,566 --> 00:05:35,602
Yeah, I know.
Cool.
97
00:05:35,635 --> 00:05:37,537
So, how’s my
little guy doing?
98
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:39,239
Oh, let me see.
99
00:05:39,272 --> 00:05:40,840
Oh, he’s asleep.
100
00:05:40,874 --> 00:05:43,109
That’s what he does best.
101
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:45,645
Don’t you mind
not being able
to see him?
102
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:47,247
No, not at all.
It’s a very safe place
103
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:48,648
for a baby to be,
actually.
104
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,383
They can’t bump
into anything.
105
00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:52,852
What I like about it is,
they get used to
seeing the world
106
00:05:52,886 --> 00:05:55,155
from their eventual
adult height,
107
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:57,757
so that they realize
they won’t always just
be little babies.
108
00:05:57,791 --> 00:06:00,126
Really, you should
get one. Take a look
at this thing.
109
00:06:00,160 --> 00:06:02,729
Well, I’m not sure.
I don’t know that much
about them, really.
110
00:06:02,762 --> 00:06:03,830
All right.
111
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,732
Thanks, though.
112
00:06:07,233 --> 00:06:09,436
Excuse me.
Does anyone know
113
00:06:09,469 --> 00:06:11,304
if they have
a weekend program here?
114
00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:14,174
Yeah, they do,
but there’s a huge
waiting list.
115
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:18,845
Don’t worry, honey.
Let me look into it.
116
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:20,947
Hey, is that
made by Kluge?
117
00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,582
Oh, yeah.
It’s a godsend.
118
00:06:22,615 --> 00:06:24,617
Those are fantastic,
aren’t they?
119
00:06:24,651 --> 00:06:27,687
I’m sorry,
but I’m not really
sure I understand
120
00:06:27,721 --> 00:06:29,489
the purpose
of this one.
121
00:06:29,522 --> 00:06:31,958
Oh, well, a lot of
doctors feel it’s best
122
00:06:32,058 --> 00:06:35,362
to keep the baby
close to the mother’s
center of gravity.
123
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,697
It gives them an innate
sense of balance.
124
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,834
I had no idea.
Yeah, it’s great.
125
00:06:40,867 --> 00:06:43,470
Hi, everyone.
Hi.
126
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:45,305
Excuse me, miss,
127
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:47,107
if you’re tired
of holding your baby,
128
00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:49,142
we’ve got plenty of room
in our Snuden.
129
00:06:49,175 --> 00:06:53,279
Uh...well, thanks.
Maybe later.
130
00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:55,315
( baby crying )
Julie’s, she’s crying.
131
00:06:55,348 --> 00:06:56,816
All right.
132
00:06:56,850 --> 00:06:59,085
Good girl.
133
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:00,653
Let’s sit down.
134
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,694
Oh, how are you
doing, Tom?
135
00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:09,329
How are those
twins, huh?
136
00:07:09,362 --> 00:07:11,464
They really need
to be changed.
137
00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:13,633
You don’t know if there’s
a bathroom nearby, do you?
138
00:07:13,667 --> 00:07:15,769
Yeah, sure,
come on, follow me.
139
00:07:15,802 --> 00:07:17,604
Come on, you two.
Come on.
140
00:07:20,940 --> 00:07:24,110
You know, um,
I’m not sure I understand.
141
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:27,213
Shouldn’t they be closer
to his center of gravity?
142
00:07:27,247 --> 00:07:30,417
Oh, no, not twins.
It’s best to keep them
in Helmka boots.
143
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:32,385
This way, they’re
forced to cooperate,
144
00:07:32,419 --> 00:07:35,155
but they have
to develop their own
sense of identity.
145
00:07:35,188 --> 00:07:38,892
Hey, Sandy,
how are you doing?
Your baby looks great.
146
00:07:38,925 --> 00:07:41,394
Oh, thanks.
Peter took the car,
147
00:07:41,428 --> 00:07:43,163
so we had to walk.
148
00:07:43,196 --> 00:07:46,232
My God,
is that your
baby up there?
149
00:07:46,266 --> 00:07:48,535
Oh, yeah--the balloon.
It’s great.
150
00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:50,937
It gives her an overview
of social interaction
151
00:07:50,970 --> 00:07:53,239
and a sense of humility.
152
00:07:53,273 --> 00:07:56,276
They’re made in Iceland.
Every baby should
have one.
153
00:07:56,309 --> 00:07:58,845
I didn’t know.
No one told me.
154
00:07:58,878 --> 00:08:01,247
Hey, you got
a Strupf Balloon.
155
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:03,350
Those are great.
Yeah, they are.
156
00:08:03,383 --> 00:08:04,918
Do you have a baby?
157
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,853
Yes, ten months old.
I brought her here
with me.
158
00:08:06,886 --> 00:08:08,254
Come on, come on.
159
00:08:10,924 --> 00:08:13,426
Good boy. Good girl.
160
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:16,229
I didn’t know
you could buy this
in the U.S.A.
161
00:08:16,262 --> 00:08:18,098
Oh, you can’t.
I had a friend pick it up.
162
00:08:18,131 --> 00:08:19,899
Oh.
163
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:23,136
How could I have known?
I couldn’t have known.
164
00:08:23,169 --> 00:08:25,271
So, do she and
the dog get along?
165
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,041
Yeah, that’s the idea.
It’s supposed to help her
form relationships
166
00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:29,342
in her adolescence.
167
00:08:29,376 --> 00:08:31,311
Oh, yeah.
168
00:08:31,344 --> 00:08:33,046
( crying )
I didn’t do this right.
169
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:36,916
All I got was
a stupid blanket!
170
00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:40,186
Oh, Sarah,
what’s wrong?
What is it?
171
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,455
I just hold him.
I’m worthless.
172
00:08:42,489 --> 00:08:46,326
Oh, honey,
there’s nothing
wrong with that.
173
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:50,096
Yeah, she’s right.
No one way is more
valid than the other.
174
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,664
Except the balloon.
175
00:08:51,698 --> 00:08:54,067
Yeah, except
for the balloon,
176
00:08:54,067 --> 00:08:56,503
they’re all
just about the same.
177
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,371
No, you haven’t
done anything wrong.
178
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,373
Oh, God, thanks.
Oh, thank you.
179
00:09:00,407 --> 00:09:03,243
I feel so silly.
I just panicked,
that’s all.
180
00:09:03,276 --> 00:09:05,545
I’m okay, I’m okay.
181
00:09:05,578 --> 00:09:06,880
( crying )
Oh.
182
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:08,348
Time to feed
my baby.
183
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,684
Oh, mine, too.
He’s so hungry.
184
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:12,852
Ohh.
185
00:09:22,529 --> 00:09:24,497
*
186
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:35,241
You’re just
too sick, Santa.
187
00:09:35,275 --> 00:09:37,110
You’re gonna have
to stay in bed,
and that’s that.
188
00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:41,414
But it’s Christmas Eve!
What about all the boys
and girls?
189
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,583
They’ll just have
to understand.
190
00:09:43,616 --> 00:09:46,686
No! I’ve delivered toys
every Christmas
191
00:09:46,720 --> 00:09:49,322
for almost 2,000 years.
192
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:53,226
I’m not going to let
a little stomach virus
stop me this--
193
00:09:53,259 --> 00:09:54,527
( vomits )
194
00:09:54,561 --> 00:09:57,564
Oh, Santa. Santa.
195
00:09:57,597 --> 00:10:02,202
Ohh! I feel like dying!
196
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,771
Why can’t the elves
deliver the toys?
197
00:10:04,804 --> 00:10:07,340
The elves just don’t
possess the magic
198
00:10:07,374 --> 00:10:11,444
to visit the millions
and millions of boys and girls
in one night!
199
00:10:11,478 --> 00:10:15,415
Well, then I guess
there isn’t going
to be a Christmas.
200
00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:19,185
Well, there is one man
who has that kind of magic.
201
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:23,256
Only he’s kind of busy
this time of year himself.
202
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:25,892
You mean...
That’s right.
203
00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:27,761
Hanukkah Harry.
204
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:29,596
( klezmer music playing )
205
00:10:42,809 --> 00:10:45,145
( telephone ringing )
206
00:10:52,919 --> 00:10:54,888
Hello?
207
00:10:54,921 --> 00:10:56,690
Speaking.
208
00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:59,726
Who? Oh, hello, Santa.
209
00:10:59,759 --> 00:11:02,495
Hey, could you
hold it down, please?
It’s long distance.
210
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:05,865
Well, Santa, you kind of
caught me at a bad time--
211
00:11:05,899 --> 00:11:07,767
it being Hanukkah and all.
212
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:09,903
But...why not?
213
00:11:23,149 --> 00:11:27,253
* On Moishe, on Herschel,
on Shlomo *
214
00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:30,924
* Says Hanukkah Harry
eight nights a year *
215
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:34,861
* On Moishe, on Herschel,
on Shlomo *
216
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:38,865
* Means that Hanukkah Harry
is here *
217
00:11:38,898 --> 00:11:41,001
* Delivering toys *
218
00:11:41,101 --> 00:11:42,902
* For Jewish girls
and Jewish boys *
219
00:11:42,936 --> 00:11:46,573
* We dance the Horah
around the menorah *
220
00:11:46,606 --> 00:11:51,644
* When Hanukkah Harry
is here *
221
00:11:51,678 --> 00:11:53,580
( donkeys braying )
222
00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:58,852
I can’t
thank you enough,
Hanukkah Harry.
223
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,887
Santa just can’t
keep anything down.
224
00:12:00,920 --> 00:12:02,489
Try a little
cottage cheese.
225
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:04,591
It’ll settle
his stomach.
226
00:12:04,624 --> 00:12:07,093
Harry...
227
00:12:07,127 --> 00:12:08,528
Santa...
228
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,563
I brought you
a coffee ring.
229
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:14,067
Thank you, but I can’t
keep anything down.
230
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,436
Well, you should
maybe try a little
cottage cheese.
231
00:12:16,469 --> 00:12:18,071
It’ll settle you.
232
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:20,573
So, I’m here.
Talk to me.
233
00:12:20,607 --> 00:12:25,178
Harry, here’s a list
of who’s been naughty
and who’s been nice.
234
00:12:25,211 --> 00:12:27,247
Hmm.
235
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:30,083
Hmm, Brad Anderson--
naughty.
236
00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:31,985
Now, what did he do
that was so bad?
237
00:12:32,085 --> 00:12:34,521
His parents had
some company over,
238
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:37,357
and he spoke when
he wasn’t spoken to.
239
00:12:37,390 --> 00:12:40,193
What?! What is with
you people?!
240
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:42,295
What, is that a crime?
These are kids.
241
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:45,165
Kids talk.
I’ll bring him
a little something.
242
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:48,234
Listen, you get
some rest, I’ll
deliver the toys,
243
00:12:48,268 --> 00:12:49,869
and tomorrow
I’ll call you.
244
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,538
Don’t worry!
245
00:12:53,640 --> 00:12:56,509
Hanukkah Harry,
we can’t thank you enough.
246
00:12:56,543 --> 00:12:59,679
Ha! Stop! You’re
embarrassing me.
247
00:13:03,683 --> 00:13:06,686
Oh, what a nice man.
248
00:13:06,720 --> 00:13:09,322
You know,
I guess deep down
249
00:13:09,356 --> 00:13:11,691
everybody is
pretty much the same.
250
00:13:11,725 --> 00:13:15,562
HARRY: On Moishe,
on Herschel, on Shlomo!
251
00:13:15,595 --> 00:13:17,831
( donkeys braying )
252
00:13:17,864 --> 00:13:19,666
*
253
00:13:35,448 --> 00:13:38,084
Look, the milk
and cookies are
still there.
254
00:13:38,118 --> 00:13:42,222
I told you--
he won’t come until
we fall asleep.
255
00:13:42,255 --> 00:13:44,324
( donkeys braying )
256
00:13:44,357 --> 00:13:47,961
HARRY: Whoa, Moishe!
Whoa, Herschel! Whoa, Shlomo!
257
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:51,097
It’s him!
It’s Santa Claus!
258
00:13:51,097 --> 00:13:52,465
Oh, quick! Hide!
259
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,267
( rumbling )
260
00:13:57,637 --> 00:13:58,972
Oy!
261
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:07,447
Tree! Tree!
Where’s the tree?
262
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,149
Ah, here we go.
263
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,484
Okay. What’s this?
264
00:14:14,454 --> 00:14:16,690
Better put it in the fridge
before it turns.
265
00:14:19,225 --> 00:14:20,794
Santa!
Shh!
266
00:14:20,827 --> 00:14:23,063
Ay, Gott in himmel!
You gave me a coronary!
267
00:14:23,063 --> 00:14:25,131
What are you kids
doing up?!
268
00:14:25,165 --> 00:14:27,834
We were just too excited.
We couldn’t sleep.
269
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,269
Santa, we’re sorry.
270
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:31,171
Doesn’t mean we won’t
get any toys, does it?
271
00:14:31,204 --> 00:14:34,374
What? For insomnia?
Don’t be silly.
272
00:14:34,407 --> 00:14:37,243
Try some warm milk.
Or bananas.
273
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:38,845
They have
a little tryptophan--
274
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:41,081
put you out
like a light!
275
00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:43,950
Hey, you don’t
look like Santa.
Scott...
276
00:14:43,983 --> 00:14:45,819
Well, Santa’s
supposed to have
a red suit
277
00:14:45,852 --> 00:14:47,354
and a cherry nose,
278
00:14:47,387 --> 00:14:49,522
and you have
a black suit,
and your nose--
279
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:52,292
Ah! You’re a very
smart boy.
280
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:55,762
I’m not Santa Claus.
I’m Hanukkah Harry.
281
00:14:55,795 --> 00:14:57,664
Hanukkah Harry?
Yes.
282
00:14:57,697 --> 00:14:59,699
Santa has
a stomach virus,
283
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,401
so I’m filling in,
284
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:05,305
bringing toys
to all the gentile
boys and girls.
285
00:15:05,338 --> 00:15:06,406
Goody!
286
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:07,741
Now, Christine...
287
00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:11,244
Santa told me
you’ve been very good,
288
00:15:11,277 --> 00:15:12,912
so I’m being especially
nice to you.
289
00:15:12,946 --> 00:15:15,048
Thank you,
Hanukkah Harry.
290
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:20,820
Socks?
291
00:15:20,854 --> 00:15:23,256
Eight pair!
Can you believe it?
292
00:15:25,592 --> 00:15:29,095
And, Scott, for you--
some slacks.
293
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:31,898
Uh, they’re a little big,
but you’ll grow into them.
294
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:35,635
Gee, Hanukkah Harry,
thanks and everything,
295
00:15:35,669 --> 00:15:39,105
but normally,
Santa gives us toys
and fun things.
296
00:15:39,139 --> 00:15:40,874
Fun?! Ha!
297
00:15:40,907 --> 00:15:42,709
Have I got fun?
298
00:15:42,742 --> 00:15:46,613
Christine, for you--
a dreidel!
299
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:50,984
And for you, Scott,
some chocolate coins.
300
00:15:54,220 --> 00:15:56,723
Oh. Wait a minute.
I get it!
301
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:58,391
What? Get what?
302
00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:00,160
Well, you know how
we’re always jealous
303
00:16:00,193 --> 00:16:02,062
of Rachel and Josh
down the block
304
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:05,031
because they always
get Hanukkah presents
for eight nights?
305
00:16:05,031 --> 00:16:07,667
Well, maybe these are
the kind of presents
they get,
306
00:16:07,701 --> 00:16:09,502
so we shouldn’t
be jealous.
307
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:11,237
You’re right,
you’re right.
308
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:15,041
And if Hanukkah Harry
is helping Santa,
309
00:16:15,041 --> 00:16:18,445
maybe that means
that Christians and Jews,
310
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:22,716
deep down,
are pretty much the same.
311
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:25,852
Maybe that’s the real
meaning of Christmas.
312
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,554
( sleigh bells ringing )
313
00:16:27,587 --> 00:16:29,389
SANTA: Ho ho ho!
314
00:16:29,422 --> 00:16:30,890
It’s Santa!
Oh!
315
00:16:30,924 --> 00:16:32,459
Maybe he tried
the cottage cheese.
316
00:16:32,492 --> 00:16:36,596
Santa! Santa!
Santa! Santa!
317
00:16:39,065 --> 00:16:41,334
Santa!
Santa Claus!
318
00:16:41,368 --> 00:16:43,470
( laughing )
319
00:16:43,503 --> 00:16:45,238
Ohh!
320
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:46,906
Merry Christmas!
321
00:16:46,940 --> 00:16:49,509
Santa Claus,
it’s really you!
322
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:52,178
Yes, Christine...
your little speech
323
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,147
about the true
meaning of Christmas
324
00:16:54,180 --> 00:16:56,950
magically cured
my flu!
325
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:59,386
Now I can relieve
Hanukkah Harry
326
00:16:59,419 --> 00:17:04,257
and deliver presents
to all the gentile
boys and girls!
327
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:09,095
Christine, you’re not
supposed to open this
until tomorrow.
328
00:17:09,129 --> 00:17:10,897
Oh, come on!
329
00:17:10,930 --> 00:17:15,035
Ha! All right,
it’s a Barbie
Make-Me-Pretty.
330
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:17,937
Oh, thank you, Santa!
331
00:17:18,038 --> 00:17:22,909
And, Scott,
this is for you--
a pellet gun!
332
00:17:22,942 --> 00:17:25,078
We love you, Santa!
333
00:17:25,111 --> 00:17:28,248
Well, what am I?
Molded whitefish
all of a sudden?
334
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:31,051
Oh, Hanukkah Harry, mwah!
335
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:33,119
We love you, too.
If it wasn’t for you,
336
00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,155
we wouldn’t have had
Christmas at all.
337
00:17:35,188 --> 00:17:37,057
She’s right,
you know!
338
00:17:37,057 --> 00:17:40,060
Oh, please, stop!
You’re embarrassing me!
339
00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,395
( laughing )
340
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,435
Merry Christmas!
341
00:17:48,468 --> 00:17:51,438
HARRY: On Moishe,
on Herschel, on Shlomo!
342
00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:53,340
Happy Hanukkah!
343
00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:54,941
( donkeys braying )
344
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,481
*
345
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:05,819
ANNOUNCER: And now,Weekend Update,
346
00:18:05,852 --> 00:18:08,655
with anchorpersonDennis Miller.
347
00:18:16,696 --> 00:18:19,032
Thank you. Good evening,
and what can I tell you?
348
00:18:19,065 --> 00:18:21,434
Boy, it might’ve been
a short summit conference,
349
00:18:21,468 --> 00:18:24,304
but towards the end,
these two guys got so cozy,
350
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,139
right after this photo
was taken,
351
00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:28,675
Bush had Gorby pulling
on his finger.
352
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:37,150
President Bush has claimed
that recent pro-democracy
changes in Czechoslovakia
353
00:18:37,183 --> 00:18:40,487
are the direct result
of influence by his
administration.
354
00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:44,524
In a related story, Prague held
its first free elections
in over 30 years,
355
00:18:44,557 --> 00:18:46,826
and Czech freedom fighter
Alexander Dubcek
356
00:18:46,860 --> 00:18:52,365
has been linked to furloughed
Massachusetts rapist
Willie Horton.
357
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:55,502
An awkward moment
during his speech this week
in New York
358
00:18:55,535 --> 00:18:59,873
when Vice President
Dan Quayle’s faceplate
popped off,
359
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:02,575
and they had to re-solder
a circuit board
360
00:19:02,609 --> 00:19:04,644
before the speech
could continue.
361
00:19:10,183 --> 00:19:13,720
Secretary of State James Baker
was in West Berlin this week
362
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:15,722
and couldn’t resist taking
a peak through the Berlin Wall.
363
00:19:15,755 --> 00:19:18,091
Here’s what he saw
through the peephole.
364
00:19:18,124 --> 00:19:20,493
*
365
00:19:22,929 --> 00:19:26,599
Afterwards, he went backstage
to meet one of the performers.
366
00:19:29,469 --> 00:19:32,906
Egyptian authorities this week
reopened an investigation
367
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:34,574
into what really happened
last year
368
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,343
when a 700-pound chunk
of the Sphinx
369
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:38,178
plummeted to the ground.
370
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:40,780
The crumbling Sphinx--
could it have been sabotage?
371
00:19:40,814 --> 00:19:43,049
To answer that question,
the Egyptian government
372
00:19:43,049 --> 00:19:47,387
has called in a blue-ribbon
panel of erosion experts.
373
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:51,624
And now, just in
from the North Pole,
374
00:19:51,658 --> 00:19:54,127
is a very perturbed
Mrs. Claus.
375
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:56,629
Hello, Mrs. Claus.
Hi, Dennis.
376
00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,899
Hello, everybody.
377
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:03,169
Dennis, thank you
so much for letting
me do this.
378
00:20:03,203 --> 00:20:06,072
I’m sick and tired
of my husband
ignoring me.
379
00:20:06,106 --> 00:20:08,475
And I knew he watches
the news every night,
380
00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:10,110
so he might see this.
381
00:20:10,143 --> 00:20:12,612
Santa, I’ve tried
everything
382
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:15,215
to distract you from making
those stupid toys all year
383
00:20:15,248 --> 00:20:18,551
and leaving me alone
every Christmas Eve
with the elves.
384
00:20:18,585 --> 00:20:21,654
This is my final attempt
to get your attention.
385
00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,556
( rock music playing )
386
00:20:26,926 --> 00:20:29,629
* Every year you go away *
387
00:20:29,662 --> 00:20:32,065
* While I’m turning
old and gray *
388
00:20:32,098 --> 00:20:35,135
* Santa, please skip
Christmas this year *
389
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:39,439
* I dyed my hair,
I lost some weight *
390
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:41,741
* I could make you feel
really great *
391
00:20:41,775 --> 00:20:44,911
* Santa, please skip
Christmas this year *
392
00:20:46,813 --> 00:20:49,049
* Everybody knows by now *
393
00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:51,484
* Santa Claus
is just not how *
394
00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:55,188
* Presents end up
under the Christmas tree *
395
00:20:55,221 --> 00:20:56,656
* Look at me *
396
00:20:56,690 --> 00:20:59,359
* I’m horny as
a bat from hell *
397
00:20:59,392 --> 00:21:02,062
* I need your love,
can’t you tell? *
398
00:21:06,666 --> 00:21:11,104
* We could drink some eggnog,
lay down by the fire *
399
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:13,340
* Think of all those
tingly things *
400
00:21:13,373 --> 00:21:16,176
* Our little red suits
could inspire *
401
00:21:16,209 --> 00:21:18,645
* Everyone knows
you don’t exist *
402
00:21:18,678 --> 00:21:20,880
* So you can never
be missed *
403
00:21:20,914 --> 00:21:25,218
* Pillows belong on a bed,
not under your shirt *
404
00:21:25,251 --> 00:21:28,321
* Lose that list
that you check twice *
405
00:21:28,355 --> 00:21:30,557
* I’ll be naughty,
I’ll be nice *
406
00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:32,692
* Put something
in my stocking *
407
00:21:32,726 --> 00:21:36,096
* Christmas Eve,
we could be rocking *
408
00:21:36,129 --> 00:21:37,931
* The children
will all be okay *
409
00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:39,499
* Maybe we could even-- *
410
00:21:39,532 --> 00:21:41,568
( microphone feeding back )
Oh!
411
00:21:41,601 --> 00:21:46,172
* Maybe we could even conceive
some of our own today *
412
00:21:46,206 --> 00:21:49,309
* Santa, please skip
Christmas this year *
413
00:21:49,342 --> 00:21:51,311
* I’ll ring your bells *
414
00:21:51,344 --> 00:21:54,681
* Santa, please skip
Christmas this year *
415
00:21:54,714 --> 00:21:57,017
* Some milk and cookies *
416
00:21:57,117 --> 00:21:59,919
* Santa, give it to me *
417
00:21:59,953 --> 00:22:02,355
This--
Give it to me...
418
00:22:02,389 --> 00:22:07,193
* This year *
419
00:22:10,397 --> 00:22:12,599
Whoo-hoo!
420
00:22:12,632 --> 00:22:14,334
( laughing )
421
00:22:19,572 --> 00:22:22,175
Never mind,
Santa Claus!
422
00:22:25,245 --> 00:22:28,314
Thank you, Mrs. Claus.
423
00:22:28,348 --> 00:22:31,985
Suddenly, I’m sitting here
with a candy cane.
424
00:22:39,092 --> 00:22:41,261
Wow.
425
00:22:41,294 --> 00:22:43,296
Is it just me,
or did she just get feedback
426
00:22:43,329 --> 00:22:45,932
off her breast?
427
00:22:45,965 --> 00:22:47,767
( laughs )
428
00:22:50,770 --> 00:22:53,406
You know, today marks
the birthday
429
00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:55,442
of Ludwig van Beethoven,
430
00:22:55,475 --> 00:22:58,211
the noted 18th-century
composer
431
00:22:58,244 --> 00:23:01,414
who inspired the hit song
Roll Over, Beethoven.
432
00:23:03,450 --> 00:23:05,785
And Arnold Schwarzenegger
and his wife Maria Shriver
433
00:23:05,819 --> 00:23:07,654
became parents this week
for the first time.
434
00:23:07,687 --> 00:23:09,222
They had a beautiful
baby daughter
435
00:23:09,255 --> 00:23:11,257
who was born in
a Los Angeles hospital.
436
00:23:11,291 --> 00:23:14,294
The attending physician
there’s no mistaking
it’s Arnold’s kid.
437
00:23:14,327 --> 00:23:19,165
The baby immediately
began doing pull-ups
on the umbilical cord.
438
00:23:19,199 --> 00:23:21,901
A judge ruled yesterday
that reputed mob boss
John Gotti
439
00:23:21,935 --> 00:23:25,905
can learn the names
of his jurors in his
upcoming assault trial,
440
00:23:25,939 --> 00:23:28,074
but not their businesses
or home addresses.
441
00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:31,845
Jury Foreman John Smith
said that he is not worried.
442
00:23:31,878 --> 00:23:34,214
but juror
Laika Jardel Rapsanick
443
00:23:34,247 --> 00:23:36,383
said, "Yeah,
I’m a little worried.
444
00:23:36,416 --> 00:23:39,386
But I’m pretty sure
he’s not guilty."
445
00:23:41,755 --> 00:23:44,424
Last week, the National
Capital Planning Commission
446
00:23:44,457 --> 00:23:46,526
approved the National
Parks Service proposal
447
00:23:46,559 --> 00:23:48,461
to give the Washington
Monument grounds
448
00:23:48,495 --> 00:23:51,998
one of the most
extensive facelifts
in its 105-year history.
449
00:23:52,098 --> 00:23:54,401
The first step in the plan
is to bring in, once again,
450
00:23:54,434 --> 00:23:57,837
a blue-ribbon panel
of restoration experts.
451
00:23:57,871 --> 00:24:01,408
Tonight will be
the last Weekend Update
of the Al Franken decade,
452
00:24:01,441 --> 00:24:03,309
and, here to give
his thoughts on the ’90s,
453
00:24:03,343 --> 00:24:05,478
is Al Franken.
Welcome, Al.
454
00:24:05,512 --> 00:24:07,447
Thank you, Dennis.
455
00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:16,589
In December, 1979,
I sat behind this desk
456
00:24:16,623 --> 00:24:19,826
and asked you to think about
what you could do for me--
457
00:24:19,859 --> 00:24:22,062
Al Franken.
458
00:24:22,062 --> 00:24:24,664
Well, it’s ten years later,
and I know you’re wondering
459
00:24:24,698 --> 00:24:28,435
what the ’90s will bring
for me--Al Franken.
460
00:24:28,468 --> 00:24:30,770
Another Al Franken decade? No.
461
00:24:30,804 --> 00:24:36,443
No, in the ’90s, I’m going
to be looking beyond myself--
Al Franken--
462
00:24:36,476 --> 00:24:39,312
because, frankly, I’m worried
about the kind of world
463
00:24:39,346 --> 00:24:41,348
we’re leaving
to my children.
464
00:24:41,381 --> 00:24:44,951
I’ve had two this decade--
a son, Joe,
465
00:24:44,984 --> 00:24:47,487
and a daughter...
466
00:24:47,520 --> 00:24:49,589
uh...
467
00:24:49,622 --> 00:24:52,492
Boy, this is embarrassing.
Um...
468
00:24:52,525 --> 00:24:54,828
I can see her face.
She’s really beautiful.
469
00:24:54,861 --> 00:24:56,930
In fact,
when I look at my kids,
470
00:24:56,963 --> 00:24:59,933
I see me--Al Franken.
471
00:25:00,033 --> 00:25:02,802
And that’s why
the 1990s will be...
472
00:25:02,836 --> 00:25:05,572
the Joe Franken decade.
Joe?
473
00:25:13,046 --> 00:25:16,149
Hi, Joe.
Hi, Dad.
474
00:25:16,182 --> 00:25:19,586
Uh, first of all,
congratulations--
475
00:25:19,619 --> 00:25:21,521
first, on being my son,
476
00:25:21,554 --> 00:25:25,925
and on my decision
to make the 1990s
477
00:25:25,959 --> 00:25:27,694
the Joe Franken decade.
478
00:25:27,727 --> 00:25:30,563
Now, I understand you
have a joke for us.
479
00:25:30,597 --> 00:25:32,532
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
480
00:25:32,565 --> 00:25:34,300
Me.
Me who?
481
00:25:34,334 --> 00:25:36,069
Me--Joe Franken.
482
00:25:42,809 --> 00:25:47,380
And, Joe, your watchword
for the ’90s is...
483
00:25:47,414 --> 00:25:49,082
Yes!
484
00:25:51,084 --> 00:25:53,720
By the way,
Joe will turn 15
485
00:25:53,753 --> 00:25:56,990
just before the close of
the Joe Franken decade.
486
00:25:57,090 --> 00:25:59,092
You did
a good job, Joe.
487
00:25:59,125 --> 00:26:01,661
Thank you, Daddy.
488
00:26:01,695 --> 00:26:06,132
And for those of you
who won’t be able to be
in Times Square
489
00:26:06,166 --> 00:26:07,934
on New Year’s Eve,
490
00:26:08,034 --> 00:26:10,670
here’s a little peek at
how the Joe Franken decade
491
00:26:10,704 --> 00:26:12,706
will be ushered in.
492
00:26:12,739 --> 00:26:14,741
( crowd cheering )
493
00:26:24,718 --> 00:26:26,252
Dennis?
494
00:26:26,286 --> 00:26:28,621
Thank you, Al.
Thank you, Joe.
495
00:26:28,655 --> 00:26:30,857
Thank you, buddy.
Joe Franken.
496
00:26:35,395 --> 00:26:37,464
Thank you, Joe.
497
00:26:37,497 --> 00:26:38,698
Thank you.
498
00:26:40,900 --> 00:26:43,136
I already like him better
than the old man.
499
00:26:43,169 --> 00:26:46,072
You know, ravaged
by time and weather,
500
00:26:46,106 --> 00:26:49,142
the Mount Rushmore faces
are being studied
by mineralogists
501
00:26:49,175 --> 00:26:51,311
to see if the granite
needs resurfacing,
502
00:26:51,344 --> 00:26:54,514
and to aid in the decision,
they’ve called in
a blue-ribbon panel
503
00:26:54,547 --> 00:26:56,549
of experts for advice.
504
00:26:56,583 --> 00:26:58,718
You know,
if he keeps this up,
505
00:26:58,752 --> 00:27:00,453
we’ll be able
to tell him to his face
506
00:27:00,487 --> 00:27:03,757
if we still need him
when he’s 64.
507
00:27:03,790 --> 00:27:07,027
This is this week’s cover
of TV Guide,
508
00:27:07,060 --> 00:27:09,229
and, you know, I find it
easier to believe
509
00:27:09,262 --> 00:27:11,331
in the concept
of a 16-year-old surgeon
510
00:27:11,364 --> 00:27:13,166
than I do to believe
in a 16-year-old kid
511
00:27:13,199 --> 00:27:17,337
who hasn’t asked his parents
to stop calling him "Doogie".
512
00:27:17,370 --> 00:27:20,306
The American Bald Eagle--
whose population plummeted
two decades ago--
513
00:27:20,340 --> 00:27:22,208
has made such
a dramatic recovery
514
00:27:22,242 --> 00:27:25,078
that Federal officials
say it will no longer be
an endangered species,
515
00:27:25,111 --> 00:27:27,180
but rather
a threatened species.
516
00:27:27,213 --> 00:27:29,115
Trying to figure out
why sportsmen
517
00:27:29,149 --> 00:27:31,384
are not going
after the Bald Eagle
as much as they used to,
518
00:27:31,418 --> 00:27:34,054
a wildlife spokesman said,
"The only thing we can figure
519
00:27:34,054 --> 00:27:36,056
"is that many hunters
are put off by the fact
520
00:27:36,089 --> 00:27:39,526
"that the Bald Eagles
often pull hair from
this side of their skull
521
00:27:39,559 --> 00:27:41,127
"over to thisside
of their skull
522
00:27:41,161 --> 00:27:42,829
to cover the bald spot."
523
00:27:42,862 --> 00:27:46,366
This week, to celebrate
its 50th anniversary,
524
00:27:46,399 --> 00:27:49,769
Ted Turner’s superstation
broadcast the classic
Gone with the Wind.
525
00:27:49,803 --> 00:27:52,539
This time, Turner racially
colorized the film
526
00:27:52,572 --> 00:27:54,541
so that the white actors
became black
527
00:27:54,574 --> 00:27:56,376
and the black actors
became white,
528
00:27:56,409 --> 00:28:00,447
confusing many who were
seeing the movie
for the first time.
529
00:28:00,480 --> 00:28:04,017
And Don King had his annual
hair-trimming party yesterday.
530
00:28:04,017 --> 00:28:05,885
Guess what, folks?
That’s the news.
531
00:28:05,919 --> 00:28:07,921
*
532
00:28:17,931 --> 00:28:19,799
*
533
00:28:29,342 --> 00:28:32,879
* Some of our favorite
musicals *
534
00:28:32,912 --> 00:28:34,948
* Bear his name *
535
00:28:35,048 --> 00:28:40,453
* He’s earned a place in
songwriting’s hall of fame *
536
00:28:40,487 --> 00:28:44,791
* Where the legends
are at home *
537
00:28:44,824 --> 00:28:50,230
* So, let’s raise
our glasses in a toast *
538
00:28:50,263 --> 00:28:56,736
* To the composer
that we love the most *
539
00:28:56,770 --> 00:29:03,610
* Mr. Hal Jerome *
540
00:29:10,250 --> 00:29:14,020
Tonight, we pay tribute
to the great Hal Jerome.
541
00:29:15,588 --> 00:29:20,160
The songwriter
of Broadway
Tin Pan Alley fame.
542
00:29:20,193 --> 00:29:22,262
Hal Jerome was special.
543
00:29:22,295 --> 00:29:24,030
Maybe he wasn’t
the best lyricist
544
00:29:24,030 --> 00:29:26,566
or the most skillful
musical craftsman.
545
00:29:26,599 --> 00:29:28,268
But he had
the unique ability
546
00:29:28,301 --> 00:29:31,237
to convey a sense
of himself in his songs.
547
00:29:31,271 --> 00:29:36,876
So true. Jerome was
the most personal
songwriter of his time.
548
00:29:36,910 --> 00:29:41,514
Yes, and when you
listen carefully to
an Hal Jerome lyrics,
549
00:29:41,548 --> 00:29:45,218
you really get a feeling
for the man.
550
00:29:45,251 --> 00:29:49,055
The Hal Jerome story
started in 1902.
551
00:29:49,055 --> 00:29:52,492
The son of Polish immigrants,
young Hal was born and raised
552
00:29:52,525 --> 00:29:54,761
on Manhattan’s
Lower East Side.
553
00:29:54,794 --> 00:29:57,831
Now, his father had hoped
Hal would become a pharmacist,
554
00:29:57,864 --> 00:30:01,001
but oh, no--
Hal had his own dream.
555
00:30:01,034 --> 00:30:04,070
And when his first
Broadway musical--
Babes on Broadway--
556
00:30:04,104 --> 00:30:05,872
opened in 1923,
557
00:30:05,905 --> 00:30:08,408
that dream was realized.
558
00:30:08,441 --> 00:30:10,944
Now, here’s one of
the hits from that show.
559
00:30:10,977 --> 00:30:12,579
*
560
00:30:14,781 --> 00:30:18,551
* I was born in 1902 *
561
00:30:18,585 --> 00:30:21,755
* My parents
are Polish immigrants *
562
00:30:21,788 --> 00:30:26,726
* Who raised me on Manhattan’s
Lower East Side *
563
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:30,196
* They want me to become
a pharmacist *
564
00:30:30,230 --> 00:30:34,367
* But I have a dream
of my own *
565
00:30:34,401 --> 00:30:39,105
* Which is being realized
right now *
566
00:30:41,775 --> 00:30:44,611
Babes on Broadway
was a big success.
567
00:30:44,644 --> 00:30:48,248
But offstage,
Jerome’s life was
not so smooth.
568
00:30:48,281 --> 00:30:50,950
A rough marriage
ended abruptly,
569
00:30:50,984 --> 00:30:54,754
and Jerome was
mired in family
difficulties.
570
00:30:54,788 --> 00:30:58,291
Meanwhile, on the
Great White Way,
571
00:30:58,324 --> 00:31:01,094
Jerome had
another hit show--
572
00:31:01,127 --> 00:31:03,096
Oh, Missouri!
573
00:31:06,933 --> 00:31:10,670
* Oh, Missouri,
my wife just left me *
574
00:31:10,704 --> 00:31:13,807
* But I still got my
brother-in-law hanging around *
575
00:31:13,840 --> 00:31:16,576
* He’s a nice guy,
but he’s a little hard
to deal with *
576
00:31:16,609 --> 00:31:18,812
* Oh, Missouri *
577
00:31:18,845 --> 00:31:21,915
* You’re my favorite state *
578
00:31:26,486 --> 00:31:29,289
Jerome was
clearly maturing
as a songwriter,
579
00:31:29,322 --> 00:31:32,459
and soon his
personal life would
take an upward swing.
580
00:31:32,492 --> 00:31:35,261
He left Manhattan
and moved to
the countryside,
581
00:31:35,295 --> 00:31:37,564
where his newfound
peace of mind
582
00:31:37,597 --> 00:31:41,134
enabled him to
pen such standards
as this one.
583
00:31:43,336 --> 00:31:46,272
* I am feeling great *
584
00:31:46,306 --> 00:31:48,441
* Today, my dear *
585
00:31:48,475 --> 00:31:52,512
* So am I, my life’s
on an upward swing *
586
00:31:52,545 --> 00:31:55,115
* With my
Suffolk County move *
587
00:31:55,115 --> 00:31:57,484
* I’ve new powers
yet to prove *
588
00:31:57,517 --> 00:32:01,621
* And I think I’m going
all the way *
589
00:32:01,654 --> 00:32:04,824
* ’Cause I’m maturing
as a songwriter *
590
00:32:04,858 --> 00:32:11,264
* Every day *
591
00:32:14,100 --> 00:32:17,937
Maturing as a Songwriter
became number one
on the hit parade,
592
00:32:17,971 --> 00:32:20,507
and stayed for
ten weeks in a row.
593
00:32:20,540 --> 00:32:22,409
However,
Jerome’s next song--
594
00:32:22,442 --> 00:32:25,679
entitled My Song"Maturing as a Songwriter"Became Number One--
595
00:32:25,712 --> 00:32:27,881
was a poor follow-up.
596
00:32:27,914 --> 00:32:30,684
But Jerome rebounded
with his next tune,
597
00:32:30,717 --> 00:32:33,086
I Wrote a Poor Follow-up,
598
00:32:33,086 --> 00:32:35,355
only to fail
a few months later
599
00:32:35,388 --> 00:32:38,124
with I Rebounded.
600
00:32:38,158 --> 00:32:41,194
It was at this time
that Jerome hit
a creative wall
601
00:32:41,227 --> 00:32:43,763
that was to stifle him
for over a year.
602
00:32:43,797 --> 00:32:47,567
Over that period,
Jerome composed
14 tunes,
603
00:32:47,600 --> 00:32:49,669
all of which
were titled...
604
00:32:49,703 --> 00:32:51,471
I Can’t Thinkof a Damn Thing.
605
00:32:53,606 --> 00:32:57,110
Desperate to capture
the old magic,
606
00:32:57,110 --> 00:32:59,913
Jerome entered
a tense period
of introspection
607
00:32:59,946 --> 00:33:02,048
and self-examination.
608
00:33:02,082 --> 00:33:04,117
He emerged with
a creative burst
609
00:33:04,150 --> 00:33:07,887
that produced the scores
for After You, Ladies--
610
00:33:07,921 --> 00:33:10,056
perhaps his most
personal work to date.
611
00:33:10,056 --> 00:33:12,292
Here’s a scene.
612
00:33:12,325 --> 00:33:14,828
Hey, look, everybody.
Trixie’s here.
613
00:33:14,861 --> 00:33:17,697
Bartender,
get that martini ready.
614
00:33:17,731 --> 00:33:21,167
Trixie, you look like
you have something to say.
615
00:33:21,201 --> 00:33:23,603
You bet I’ve got
something to say.
616
00:33:28,441 --> 00:33:31,244
* I’m Hal Jerome *
617
00:33:31,277 --> 00:33:33,980
* I’m five-foot-nine-
and-a-half *
618
00:33:34,080 --> 00:33:36,916
* I weigh 160 pounds *
619
00:33:36,950 --> 00:33:40,253
* I have a mole
on my left shoulder *
620
00:33:40,286 --> 00:33:42,789
* My blood type is AB *
621
00:33:42,822 --> 00:33:45,925
* I recently lost my keys *
622
00:33:45,959 --> 00:33:48,395
* If anyone finds them,
please mail them *
623
00:33:48,428 --> 00:33:51,865
* To 79 Benson Road,
Riverhead *
624
00:33:51,898 --> 00:33:55,335
* New York *
625
00:33:55,368 --> 00:33:57,537
( scat singing )
626
00:33:57,570 --> 00:34:01,441
* It would be
really appreciated *
627
00:34:05,045 --> 00:34:07,313
While it was
a critical success,
628
00:34:07,347 --> 00:34:09,249
audiences were
bewildered,
629
00:34:09,282 --> 00:34:11,584
and this sad pattern
was continued.
630
00:34:11,618 --> 00:34:14,054
Perhaps it was
merciful, then,
631
00:34:14,054 --> 00:34:17,724
that Jerome
contracted a rare
pancreatic disorder
632
00:34:17,757 --> 00:34:20,694
that was to take
his life.
633
00:34:20,727 --> 00:34:24,931
On his deathbed,
Jerome composed one
final important work.
634
00:34:24,964 --> 00:34:27,267
Although
it is unfinished,
635
00:34:27,300 --> 00:34:30,870
the genius that was Jerome
is clearly evident.
636
00:34:32,839 --> 00:34:35,909
* I’m dying *
637
00:34:35,942 --> 00:34:38,545
* I’m sure this is it *
638
00:34:38,578 --> 00:34:43,717
* I just hope I can
get this all down *
639
00:34:43,750 --> 00:34:46,086
* It’s been a good life *
640
00:34:46,119 --> 00:34:48,154
* A fine life *
641
00:34:48,188 --> 00:34:51,124
* Youch! That’s not
a good pain *
642
00:34:51,157 --> 00:34:55,228
* Well, don’t just
stand there, you idiots *
643
00:34:55,261 --> 00:34:58,431
* Don’t just stand there,
you idiots *
644
00:34:58,465 --> 00:35:02,035
* Where is that
dumb, fat nurse? *
645
00:35:02,035 --> 00:35:04,838
* Get her, please,
thank you *
646
00:35:04,871 --> 00:35:06,339
* Whoo! *
647
00:35:06,373 --> 00:35:09,909
* It’s not like
I imagined it *
648
00:35:09,943 --> 00:35:11,845
* Damn it,
my pencil dropped *
649
00:35:11,878 --> 00:35:13,847
* Okay, where was I? *
650
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:17,417
* This may
go unfinished *
651
00:35:17,450 --> 00:35:19,352
* But the genius
that is me *
652
00:35:19,386 --> 00:35:23,590
* Is clearly
evident *
653
00:35:23,623 --> 00:35:25,225
* Uh-oh! Ah! *
654
00:35:25,258 --> 00:35:28,061
* Oh! Ah! *
655
00:35:28,061 --> 00:35:29,963
* False alarm *
656
00:35:30,063 --> 00:35:32,565
* I’m still okay *
657
00:35:32,599 --> 00:35:36,569
* So, I’ll leave you
with this wisdom *
658
00:35:36,603 --> 00:35:39,806
* Use it wherever
you go--Ohh! *
659
00:35:39,839 --> 00:35:43,309
* When composing music-- *
( coughs )
660
00:35:43,343 --> 00:35:49,082
* Write what you *
661
00:35:49,082 --> 00:35:52,152
( all coughing )
662
00:35:54,454 --> 00:35:56,389
*
663
00:36:12,605 --> 00:36:14,140
( knock on door )
664
00:36:14,174 --> 00:36:16,142
Come in.
665
00:36:16,176 --> 00:36:19,245
Ohh!
Oh, my God!
666
00:36:19,279 --> 00:36:22,716
Look at you!
You look so beautiful.
667
00:36:22,749 --> 00:36:24,651
I feel beautiful.
668
00:36:24,684 --> 00:36:26,319
This is your day.
669
00:36:26,353 --> 00:36:28,822
I can’t believe
my baby sister’s
getting married.
670
00:36:28,855 --> 00:36:30,357
Oh, I can’t, either.
671
00:36:30,390 --> 00:36:31,891
Can you tell
I’ve been crying?
672
00:36:31,925 --> 00:36:33,560
Oh, honey,
that’s so sweet.
673
00:36:33,593 --> 00:36:36,696
I’m so depressed.
Oh, God.
674
00:36:36,730 --> 00:36:39,132
Do you realize
that everybody who was
at Uncle Paul’s funeral
675
00:36:39,165 --> 00:36:40,500
is here today?
676
00:36:40,533 --> 00:36:43,370
You’re kidding.
Except Uncle Paul.
677
00:36:43,403 --> 00:36:46,573
And our charming
brother is down there
with a video camera
678
00:36:46,606 --> 00:36:48,608
he’s got
in everybody’s face.
I’m so bloated.
679
00:36:48,641 --> 00:36:50,744
You look fine.
You look fine.
680
00:36:50,777 --> 00:36:53,446
God, Jimmy’s
got me on video,
and I’m bloated!
681
00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:54,948
( knock on door )
682
00:36:54,981 --> 00:36:56,750
Come in.
683
00:36:56,783 --> 00:36:59,886
Ohh!
Oh, my God!
684
00:36:59,919 --> 00:37:02,389
You look beautiful!
685
00:37:02,422 --> 00:37:04,824
( shouting )
686
00:37:04,858 --> 00:37:07,193
My best friend
is getting married.
687
00:37:07,227 --> 00:37:10,630
God, you just
look beautiful!
688
00:37:10,663 --> 00:37:13,033
Do you want
a water pill?
689
00:37:13,033 --> 00:37:16,036
No! It’s--
It’s this dress.
690
00:37:16,036 --> 00:37:17,337
You look great
in that dress.
691
00:37:17,370 --> 00:37:18,605
I do not!
Sure you do.
692
00:37:18,638 --> 00:37:19,839
I do not!
You absolutely do.
693
00:37:19,873 --> 00:37:22,108
( overlapping chatter )
694
00:37:26,046 --> 00:37:31,317
Oh, my God!
Look at you!
695
00:37:31,351 --> 00:37:33,253
Oh, you look...
696
00:37:33,286 --> 00:37:35,255
( sobbing )
...beautiful.
697
00:37:35,288 --> 00:37:38,124
What’s the matter?
Are you okay?
698
00:37:38,158 --> 00:37:41,061
Can I get you
some water?
699
00:37:41,061 --> 00:37:43,830
Do you want
a damp cloth?
700
00:37:43,863 --> 00:37:45,532
Oh, honey, what--
701
00:37:45,565 --> 00:37:47,934
( wailing )
702
00:37:47,967 --> 00:37:51,371
Is it--
Is it my mother?
703
00:37:51,404 --> 00:37:53,640
Do you hate your dress?
704
00:37:53,673 --> 00:37:56,309
God, are you
hyperventilating?
705
00:37:58,745 --> 00:38:01,815
I’m sorry. Okay.
706
00:38:01,848 --> 00:38:05,018
Okay.
This is your day.
707
00:38:05,051 --> 00:38:08,054
I know it is.
I know it is.
708
00:38:08,088 --> 00:38:09,856
( sobbing )
709
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:16,429
Oh, my God!
710
00:38:16,463 --> 00:38:19,733
Jack! You’re not
supposed to see me
before the wedding!
711
00:38:19,766 --> 00:38:21,768
Look at you!
You look beautiful!
712
00:38:21,801 --> 00:38:23,470
What are you
doing here?
713
00:38:23,503 --> 00:38:26,306
It is a real zoo
down there.
714
00:38:26,339 --> 00:38:29,042
Ohh, honey,
don’t look at me!
715
00:38:29,075 --> 00:38:31,211
I didn’t want to
do this, you know.
716
00:38:31,244 --> 00:38:34,514
I wanted to get married
at City Hall a month ago.
717
00:38:34,547 --> 00:38:36,449
Why do we have
to get married here?
718
00:38:36,483 --> 00:38:38,385
Why couldn’t we do it
at myparents’ place?
719
00:38:38,418 --> 00:38:41,354
Your parents live
in an apartment.
720
00:38:41,388 --> 00:38:43,423
Let’s compare backgrounds
again, shall we?
721
00:38:43,456 --> 00:38:45,125
I just thought
we agreed on this.
722
00:38:45,158 --> 00:38:47,627
No, no, we didn’t agree.
I said I would do it
723
00:38:47,660 --> 00:38:49,362
because I wanted
to do it for you.
724
00:38:49,396 --> 00:38:52,165
I’m doing it for you.
It’s your day.
725
00:38:52,198 --> 00:38:54,367
And I hope
you remember that.
726
00:38:56,102 --> 00:38:58,772
Your brother smashed
into the back of the limo.
727
00:38:58,805 --> 00:39:00,340
( sighs )
728
00:39:00,373 --> 00:39:02,008
Back to the zoo.
729
00:39:06,012 --> 00:39:08,882
Hi, princess.
Oh, Daddy!
730
00:39:08,915 --> 00:39:12,385
Daddy, I am so upset
and confused.
731
00:39:12,419 --> 00:39:14,220
Oh, kitten,
that’s okay.
732
00:39:14,254 --> 00:39:16,156
You’re supposed
to be confused.
733
00:39:16,189 --> 00:39:19,292
I am?
Sure.
734
00:39:19,325 --> 00:39:21,261
You know, your mother
had her doubts.
735
00:39:21,294 --> 00:39:24,698
Neither one of us
was sure it would
work out.
736
00:39:24,731 --> 00:39:26,299
It took us
about 30 years
737
00:39:26,332 --> 00:39:29,302
before we realized
we didn’t really
like each other.
738
00:39:29,336 --> 00:39:31,471
At all.
739
00:39:31,504 --> 00:39:34,541
You see, you’ve got
plenty of time
to figure it out.
740
00:39:34,574 --> 00:39:36,042
Come on.
741
00:39:36,042 --> 00:39:38,044
Let’s go downstairs.
742
00:39:38,044 --> 00:39:40,447
Oh, Daddy,
I love you.
743
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:42,716
Remember, honey--
744
00:39:42,749 --> 00:39:45,085
this is your day.
745
00:39:45,118 --> 00:39:46,653
Oh, Daddy.
746
00:39:53,360 --> 00:39:55,261
*
747
00:39:58,264 --> 00:40:01,835
Merry Christmas, everybody!
I had a blast!
748
00:40:01,868 --> 00:40:05,405
I want to thank Tracy Chapman
and everybody--
749
00:40:05,438 --> 00:40:06,973
all the audience!
750
00:40:07,007 --> 00:40:09,676
I want to thank
my whole family, too!
751
00:40:09,709 --> 00:40:11,745
I’m glad you could watch!
752
00:40:11,778 --> 00:40:14,147
I love you, honey!
I love you, Paul!
753
00:40:14,180 --> 00:40:16,349
I love my babies, too!
754
00:40:16,383 --> 00:40:18,118
And this one!
755
00:40:18,151 --> 00:40:19,619
Whoo!
56548
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