Original subtitles

[instrumental music playing]

Why are you interviewing Barbra Jean for your school project?

Because she's the most successful person I know.

But I'm the single mom who cooks and cleans and still has time to love you.

Yeah, but she's on TV.

Hey, snacks.

My picture's on the bus bench.

Visitors on the set. Okay, everybody take five.

Okay. All right.

[clearing throat] Oh!

Jakey wants to interview me, huh?

You know, normally, I have my press agent go over all the details.

But his bike was stolen today so he's not here.

So, uh, why don't you just give me the low down?

[woman shouting] Barbra Jean!

[grunts]

That's Kelly.

They got me training this rookie weather girl from Oklahoma.

- Ah. - You know, she's probably,

not even a certified meteorologist.

Neither are you.

But of course you are certified. [laughs]

- Oh! Are you busy? - [chuckles]

Well, that might have been a question to ask yourself

before you screamed across the set.

Don't mind her. I'm Reba.

- The Reba? - [chuckling] Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. I feel like I know so much about you

just 'cause how much Barbra Jean talks about you.

- Well, Barbra Jean can talk. - Oh, so can I.

Sometimes people say I talk way too much, but it's weird.

- I never know when I'm doing it. - This just in, you're doing it now.

I hear you're from Oklahoma. I'm an Okie too, up around McAlester.

Oh, no way, Holdenville.

Oh, Holdenville was just a mile away from us until the big tornado.

- Now it's two miles away from us. - Right.

Gee, girls, I hate to break up the dust bowl reunion,

but, uh, Kelly here's got some work to do.

- So, are your folks cattle ranchers? - Preachers.

My brother, my daddy, and my granddaddy.

Wanna hear something funny?

When I was a kid, my church choir, we sang at the Holdenville Baptist Church.

Oh, my gosh. That's so weird.

- No way, that's not your family's church. - No. But that was close.

[laughter]

Oh, my. Oh, my. Oh, my.

Hey, how about before you two realize that you're actually mother and daughter,

- we get back to work, all right. - Okay.

We're back up people. Everybody, let's look alive.

Hey, Gary, how... Okay. Keep going.

Wow. That was so wild. We should get together sometime.

- Okay, yeah, sure. - Right on.

- I'll get your number from Barbra Jean. - Okay.

- Yay. - [chuckling] Oh.

- Bye. - Bye. [laughs]

She's so cute.

I'll tell you what, if she does get on TV, America's really gonna love her.

Well, if it's up to me, she's never gonna get on TV.

She's evil.

- Evil? What are you talking about? - Oh, I hate her.

She's trying to steal my job, Reba. Don't let that "Aw, shucks," act fool you.

She's a cold, dead-eyed shark.

She's just looking to take a bite out of Stormy Clearweather.

- You're not Stormy Clearweather. - Oh, yeah.

116 viewers say I am.

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

What makes you think, other than you being a screwball,

that Kelly is trying to take your job?

I think that the muckety-mucks brought her here to replace me

because I'm getting bigger than the station.

No offense, I'm not even on the show, and I'm bigger than the station.

- And I think Kelly is very nice. - Oh.

You think everybody is nice. That's why showbiz would crush you.

Actually, you know what, you know what, her liking you could work for me.

All right, a new plan, Reba.

I want you to spend some time with her, okay?

[Reba mouthing]

Because if she is planning to steal my job she'll confide in you.

Why would she do that?

Well, you just bring that out in people, you know.

They want to open up around you.

When I was having my affair with Brock, I was dying to tell you about it.

What makes you think, if she did confide in me,

that I would break that confidence and tell you?

Because you and I, we go way back, Reba.

You just met her.

You and I, we have a history.

Yes, I do recall. But it's not a good history.

Oh!

Reba, come on. I think we're all over that by now.

- Barbra Jean. - Reba, please.

This is my life we're talking about. And if I can't count on you, I got nobody.

Plus, if I'm wrong, you get to tell me how stupid I was being.

Okay, I would like that.

Okay, fine.

Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

But I'm not gonna spy on her. Okay?

I'm just gonna have a nice conversation with her.

- Mm-hmm - Jake, let's go.

People, I'd like a sparkling water.

Thanks. All right.

- Huh! - Wow. These sonograms have gotten amazing.

So they can tell the sex at nine weeks now?

Yeah, I didn't need a doctor to tell me that this was a boy.

I think it's pretty obvious.

The acorn doesn't fall far from the tree.

Bam!

Van, once again, that is the spine.

If babies stayed that size, they'd be a lot easier to baby sit.

- And give birth to. - Yeah, really.

You're probably looking at a 12-pounder here.

Well, it's pretty cool, you guys, but all this talk of birth

has put me in the mood to write some death metal.

This kid is gonna be such a stud.

He'll probably play in the NBA one day.

Mr. H, if you're still alive, I'll take you to a game.

No matter what he does or doesn't do we will love him just the same.

Oh, please. Don't give the gay speech right now.

You know, the best part of all this is now you get to keep your promise to me.

- What promise? - The whole time Cheyenne was growing up,

she promised me that if she ever had a boy,

she'd name him Brock.

[laughing]

What?

When you guys had Elizabeth,

I was afraid that you'd stop at the one, but, well...

There he is. Hello, little Brockie.

Suddenly the gay speech doesn't sound so bad.

Thank you so much for inviting me over to your house.

And it is so cool that you live right down the street from Brock and Barbra Jean.

Brock. Brock.

It's ridiculous. It sounds like a guy who had too many beers.

[retching] Brock. Brock.

I know a boy named Brock.

His name is actually Chester,

but he works on the grain elevator so they call him Brock.

I don't get it. Why?

Because there was already a Chester working there. [chuckles]

[Reba laughing]

Here, you can take these outside. Hope you like egg salad.

Oh, my momma used to mix egg salad with potato salad.

She called it eggtata salad.

And then sometimes she'd put potato chips in her tuna,

and she'd make potuna salad. It was so good.

[laughing]

- She cracks me up. - I guess.

You know, I don't think I've met anybody so nutty and innocent.

- Really? - Yeah.

You don't find her crazy stories kind of annoying?

Of course not. Quirky people like Kelly are a rare blessing.

[grunts] Oh, my gosh.

You guys would not believe the day I just had.

Okay, so I'm driving to my Beanie Babies mothers' group,

and the hubcap on my car just comes right off.

It hops the curb and it rolls right into a mobile phone store.

Not the "Can you hear me now" one, but the Catherine Zeta-Jones one.

Anyway, I go in after to get it, and one thing leads to another,

and look at my new phone.

[sniffing] Do I smell potuna salad?

- Barbra Jean, what are you doing here? - Oh, nothing.

Certainly not checking in to see how our covert spy mission is going.

I'm not spying.

- Oh! Hey, Barbra Jean. - Hey, Kelly.

Okay. Watch this. Okay.

It's partly cloudy with winds gusting from the northwest.

Yeah. I'm sorry. I already changed the channel.

Barbra Jean, when you are in my house, you will be nice. Now, get out!

Fine. But here's a little weather report for you.

Outside, it's partly evil.

With a 50% chance of betrayal.

This is Stormy Clearweather signing out.

Hey, Mrs. H, why does Barbra Jean think Kelly's gonna take her job?

Wouldn't that be redundant?

- What are you talking about? - I know it's a big word.

It means the same as.

I'll use it in a sentence, "Wouldn't that be redundant?"

I know what it means. Why would you say that?

Why would they replace Barbra Jean with another Barbra Jean?

Kelly is nothing like Barbra Jean. Why would you say that?

[knock on door]

[laughing]

You know, you're right. She's nothing like Barbra Jean.

Well, she is also sweet and helpful.

And she'd give you the shirt right off of her back.

So would Barbra Jean.

As a matter of fact, she did that one time.

Do you remember, the worst funeral ever?

Where's Elizabeth?

She's out on the swings with Barbra Jean. I mean, Kelly. [chuckles softly]

- Kelly is nothing like Barbra Jean. - Oh, my gosh.

I never thought of that before, but they're like twins, aren't they?

- Yes. - No!

Mom, Barbra Jean wants to know if she can come back in?

- Her name is Kelly! - No, her name is Barbra Jean.

She says you yelled at her.

- Why'd you yell at Barbra Jean? - She always yells at her.

- No, I don't. - You just did.

Yeah, she was saying something crazy about her hubcaps.

Meanwhile, Kelly's out there being pigeon girl,

and she just cracks you up.

I can't believe this. It's true.

Oh, man. They're like two peas in a pod.

Or two nuts in a shell.

So why is Kelly so delightful and Barbra Jean so annoying?

'Cause Kelly didn't have an affair with your husband?

Yet.

I mean, she just got into town.

- That's my dad. - I know. I'm sorry.

I'm just still steamed about his stupid name.

- Hey, what's his middle name? - Enroll.

Brock Enroll?

You know what, the preacher asked me not too long ago

if I'd forgiven Barbra Jean, and I said yes.

But you know, I don't think I have.

You know what's weird, Mrs. H,

I wonder, if all that stuff with Mr. H had never happened,

and you had met Barbra Jean some other way,

I wonder if you two would've been best friends?

Reba, come look.

I can do a cartwheel with my sandwich in my mouth.

Would you stop pushing me.

- Dad? - [Brock] I'll be right down.

Oh, Van, I don't wanna do this.

Do you really want to name our son Brock?

No. It's as weird as Van.

What?

Honey, Van is a weird name.

Well, it's certainly no Cheyenne.

Hey, I got an idea, why don't we name our kid Navajo?

Do not make fun of my name.

- You started, Sacajawea. - Wh--

Go on. Tell him, Pocahontas.

Hey, kids. What's going on?

Hey, um, Dad, so Mom had this book

where they have all these baby names in it,

and, you know, the meaning of them and stuff, and so, you know,

we just thought that for, the heck of it, that we would look up the name Brock.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, it means a mountain or something, right?

No. You know what name means mountain? Mountain.

So, uh... what does Brock mean?

- Um, well, it's an old English name. - Yeah.

- From, like, the 1700s, and it just... - Badger!

[sighing]

- What? - Badger.

That's what your name means,

that freaky looking animal with long claws.

You're a badger, Mr. H.

- I don't think that's right. - That's right. Right there.

Right in between Brocko and Brutus.

Brutus.

Okay, fine. So it means badger. So what?

Oh, nothing. We just, you know, we were just, you know...

- [mumbling] - Oh!

What, are you saying that you don't wanna name the kid after me?

No. Mr. H, it's not that we don't wanna name him after you.

- We don't wanna give him your name. - [Cheyenne] Yeah.

Yeah, well, look, you guys, that's totally up to you.

Uh... you're not gonna be upset?

No, honey. Come on. It's just some...

silly thing you said when you were a kid.

- You sure? - He's sure, Cheyenne.

One thing about a badger, they never change their minds.

- Thanks, Mr. H. - Yeah.

It jus... It seemed kind of important to you when you brought it up.

No. No, honey. Not at all. Not at all.

To tell you the truth, I don't even like the name myself.

- Why was it important to you? - Forget about it.

[sighing] Honey, okay, look, it's just...

well, I was hoping that maybe this was a way that I could know for sure

that you really forgave me for what happened,

you know, between me and your mom.

Dad, that was five years ago. How could you still worry about that?

You know what you're gonna learn as a parent, Cheyenne?

You worry that every mistake you make, your kids will never forget.

Well, maybe I'll never forget. That's just the way that it is.

- But, do I forgive you? Yes, yes. - Really?

- I swear to God I do. Yes. - Oh, honey.

I forgive you, too, you crazy old badger. Come here.

- I love you guys. - Yeah, I love you, too.

My badger and my Sacajawea.

So then, after my aunt on my momma's side got divorced,

she married my uncle on my daddy's side,

who was already divorced, which makes my cousins stepbrothers.

Isn't that funny?

You know it should be.

But no, no, it's not.

Is something the matter?

Oh, no, no, no, Kelly. I'm sorry.

It's just that I'm thinking about something else. Sorry.

Dang it. I'm bugging you, aren't I?

Why do I act so goofy? Hey, look at me. I'm an idiot.

You're not an idiot. You're cute.

I hate cute. I don't wanna be cute.

I wanna be hip and sultry.

[Reba laughing]

Yeah, I used to be hip and sultry, and then I threw my hip out.

It looks like I'm stuck with cute and goofy.

It's a good thing I wanna be a weather girl.

Just like your best friend, Barbra Jean.

Well, Kelly, there's a lot that's gone on

between Barbra Jean and me that you don't know about.

Oh, no. I know all about it.

And honestly, the fact that you've forgiven her

is one of the reasons why you're so amazing.

Did the station bring you in to replace Barbra Jean?

What?

Did the station send you here to replace her?

Because if they did and you go along with it,

you and me, we're gonna have some serious problems there, peaches.

No. Of course I'm not.

Okay, then why are you here?

Because I wanna learn from the best in the business.

We are still talking about Barbra Jean, right?

Replace her? No way, Reba. She's my idol.

Heck, I could never do anything to hurt Barbra Jean.

She's just, well, I don't know. I can't explain it.

Neither can the doctors.

Weather girl quiz. Wind.

Whoosh!

- Rain. - [mimics rain]

- Lightning. - [mimics lightning]

Oh, Kelly, no, that's snow.

All right, this is Houston. When's it gonna snow in Houston?

You have got to learn your hand gestures.

I got a hand gesture for you, Barbra Jean.

Reba, she's trying to break into show business.

Something you know nothing about.

Okay, this is like a contest,

and you need to bring it up to another level.

I think she's doing great. What do you guys think?

All right. Yo, yo, yo. Check it out, check it out. That was the bomb, yeah.

You're in the dog pound tonight, girl.

- Woof, woof, woof, woof. - Yay!

I just... I think she's adorable.

You know, she's just warm and the gestures,

and, you're human, you know, you're just so human, you know...

You know...

All right, listen to me. That was atrocious.

That was like watching a weather report on a cruise ship.

You have ruined weather for me.

- Simply dreadful. - No, no! Boo, boo!

All I'm being is honest. That's all.

Please. Please. You know, just don't even listen to him.

He's English. Okay. Please. It was so good. So good.

The lightning, just, you know, just... Whoo! [chuckles]

Wow. Tough panel.

- [B.J.] Yeah. - Yeah.

[closing theme music playing]