Original subtitles

[instrumental music playing]

It's official. Brock has lost his mind.

No, I think it was official when Brock left me for you.

Why, what's the matter? What's up with Dad?

[motorcycle engine roaring]

[laughing] No way! Brock got a motorcycle?

That's the funniest thing ever.

Oh, no. Not even close. Just wait.

[Cheyenne and Reba gasp]

Guess what I just rode up on?

- A gay pride float? - [Cheyenne laughing]

A Harley. Come on, Barbra Jean.

Wait till you feel the wind in your face as we cruise down the open road

out behind the Walmart.

Great.

At least today he's wearing jeans underneath his chaps.

Hey, everybody.

[laughing]

What are you doing, you weirdo?

Are you happy now? Van thinks you're a weirdo.

Hey, honey.

- Hey. - Hi.

How was your seminar?

Oh, it was excellent, and the hotel was top-notch.

It even had a coffeemaker in the bathroom.

[Cheyenne] Ooh!

I ate in there every day.

Oh, Elizabeth missed you so much.

I'm gonna go upstairs and tell her you're here.

Oh, Mrs. H, you should have gone to the seminar with me.

This guy was like the Donald Trump of real estate. [chuckles]

I have so much to tell you.

I got something to tell you, too.

Yesterday morning there was a message on the office voicemail from Steve Norris.

Norris Realty Steve Norris? The biggest firm in the city.

- What did he want? - Oh, nothing much. Just a meeting.

You know what I think this means, Van? He wants us to join him.

No way. We can't just leave our company.

Why not? Realtors move to different agencies all the time.

That may be so, but I'm not that kind of person.

I'm a loyal guy, Mrs. H.

Ever since I was six years old,

I have never brushed my teeth with anything other than Aquafresh.

Van, be realistic.

I mean, if our company could make more money

by getting someone to replace us, they'd do it in a skinny minute.

- It's just business. - Just business?

Well, sorry, Mrs. H, if you take loyalty and ethics out of business,

you know what you have?

Television network?

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

What's up, James Dean?

Hey... [quivering]

- Brock, you all right? - Never better.

[quivering]

Are you sure you're all right?

Yeah, yeah... I'm fine. Look. Check it out.

It's an electrical stimulation belt.

It's like doing 2,000 sit-ups in an hour.

I'm gonna get my six-pack abs back, remember them?

No. But I remember your man girdle.

[chuckles]

[quivering]

Listen, Brock, I need to talk to you about something.

This, um, phase you're going through,

buying the motorcycle and wearing the leather outfit

and electrocuting your belly fat.

I mean, it's kind of weird.

- [belt whirring] - [quivering]

Funny, but kind of weird.

- What's going on? - Nothing.

Brock.

All right, Reba, I'll tell you.

Barbra Jean looks the best I've ever seen her,

and I wanna do the same for her.

Okay, I may choke on these words, but here they come.

Brock, you're a good-looking man. A good-looking man of 50.

Why do you have to be more than that?

Reba, you don't have to tell me I'm good-looking.

I know that. I'm not an idiot.

But don't you see? That's actually the problem.

How so?

Well, I've always been the best looking one

in all of my relationships.

You do remember that we were once in a relationship, don't you?

What's your point?

Well, my point is...

[gagging]

[screams]

Switching firms wouldn't be loyal? Who cares?

Van, Norris Realty could be a huge opportunity for you guys.

You know, I can never figure you out.

You're the one person I would expect to agree with me.

Since getting sober, you're always whining about morals.

That was a phase, okay.

Now I'm comfortable with my sobriety,

and I'm going back to thinking what's best for me.

I mean us.

You mean you're going back to that vain, shallow chick I fell in love with?

Welcome back, honey.

I really think that you should do this.

There's more to this than just loyalty.

Our company doesn't see me as your mom's assistant.

They see me as her partner. They know how good I am.

- Well, so would these other guys. - No.

Steve Norris doesn't know me from Eve.

He thinks I'm the assistant.

Maybe he thinks that now, but who cares, Van?

After hearing you at the meeting, he's gonna know how great you are.

- Hearing me talk? - Mmm-hmm.

I don't see that happening, Cheyenne. Your mom can be a little...

[mimes chatterbox]

Okay. Set the meeting, but tell Mom it's later than it really is.

Get a little alone time with him.

By the time she shows up, he's already gonna be impressed with you.

I love that idea. I'll set a lunch meeting.

At my seminar they were teaching us how to impress people with lunch meetings.

You tip big and order things that aren't on the menu.

I could order, like, yak.

Hey, Mrs. H. I rethought what you said, and I'm in.

I'm gonna set the meeting with Norris.

Oh, yes! Now, remember, Van, let me do most of the talking, okay?

Oh, you know me, I'm not one to yak.

[chuckles]

Thank you. This is for you.

And this is for the valet.

And this is for you giving that one to the valet.

Van Montgomery.

Steve Norris.

I like your style.

Tips are like peanut butter. You gotta spread it around.

[Van exhales]

Can I bring you something to drink besides water?

First of all, thank you for the water.

And that's for the guy who made the ice.

Something to drink? Let's see, do you have pomegranate juice?

No, I'm afraid not.

We have orange, tomato, apple, grapefruit and cranberry.

Mmm. Do you have tangerine juice?

No, sorry.

- Watermelon? - No.

Raisin? Plum? Garbanzo bean?

I've never even heard...

That's all right. I'll stick with the water.

No hard feelings, huh?

I like a man who doesn't settle for something he doesn't want.

You should see me ordering cheese.

So, Steve Norris, graduated MacArthur High School, class of 1980.

Married 22 years to the former Ann Pederson.

Two children.

A boy, Eric, standout wide receiver at SMU,

and a daughter, Tara,

just graduated from Bucknell University with a degree in chemistry.

I Googled you.

- That's very impressive. - Thank you.

But that's not me.

What?

Hey, I wish it was me.

My wife left me, and my son flunked out of beauty school.

Stupid Google.

Now you probably think I'm an idiot.

Why, because you tried something? That's what's impressive.

Besides, you don't need to know who I am.

I know who you are.

Yeah, right.

I do. You are one of the hottest young real estate agents in town.

I watch the MLS.

I see how you move properties with innovative ideas,

like that place on Garfield that sat for eight months,

until you got the listing.

You sold it in two days.

Hired a klieg light, did the showing at midnight.

[Steve chuckles]

I know, I was there. I still have the balloon animal.

- Oh, yeah? - Yeah. It's a wiener dog.

So it makes me wonder

what you could do with a larger inventory, like, say, ours.

Oh, man.

I watch the MLS, too. You guys have the best listings in town.

Thanks.

You know, Van, I'm beginning to think that this is one of those

meant-to-be situations.

Should we order cheese?

Hey, there's Reba.

We'll keep that Google screw up between us.

- Why is Reba here? - Huh?

Van, I'm not interested in Reba. I want you.

- Yeah, but Reba and I are partners. - That's the offer.

Thank you. Oh, hi, there. Reba Hart.

Hi.

So now that we're all here, let's get this meeting started.

Actually, I don't think there's anything for us to talk about.

- [chuckling] What? Yes, there is. - No, there isn't.

Comes down to loyalty, Mr. Norris.

And thank you for your time.

He's not picking up his messages,

and he wouldn't talk to me at the valet stand.

How am I gonna kill him if I can't get in touch with him?

Mom, you have got to calm down.

I told him, let me do the talking. But what does he do?

He sneaks off to the meeting early

and then turns down the biggest break we've ever been offered.

- [phone ringing] - Finally.

All right, you listen to me, fathead.

You get your lying, scheming, finagling butt back here to this house...

Oh, Mr. Norris.

No, no, I thought it was...

[sputtering] My minister.

Uh-huh.

No, he didn't tell me that.

Yes, I am very lucky to have such a loyal partner. [chuckles]

Yeah. Okay, bye.

- They didn't want me. They only want Van. - Really?

I mean, what's up with that?

I'm gonna kill him.

Why? Mom, he turned them down.

That's why I'm gonna kill him.

This is an opportunity he cannot pass up. He's got to take that job.

It's not gonna happen, Mom.

I mean, Van has got a lot of screwy things about him,

but they're mostly good screwy things like loyalty.

But this is big, Cheyenne, big for him and big for your family.

It doesn't matter, Mom.

Van is not gonna take that job without you.

I was hoping it wouldn't come down to this.

Cheyenne, I'm gonna have to break up with your husband.

Ma, you gotta do what you gotta do.

[exclaims]

Hello, Gucci shoes!

No, no, no, don't give me that crap, Don.

The deal was, the band gets the door, you get the bar.

Now that we're filling your club,

you wanna get a piece of the door? [scoffs]

No way.

That is a deal breaker, my friend. We will walk away, I swear.

Yeah, it'd break my heart, too.

What, are you crying?

I thought you were a Hells Angel?

Sorry, I had to take that. What were you saying?

I was asking if you wanted to have a pajama party tonight

and watch Little Mermaid with me?

Cool.

So, Napoleon, did you vote for Pedro?

Oh. [chuckles]

The perm, yeah, I thought I'd try something different.

Mission accomplished, Sideshow Bob.

I was wondering if maybe you'd like to go to dinner...

Good God, man, what have you done?

What's the big deal? So I tried something different.

Different?

Why don't you try something really different

and be the same person two days in a row?

You are driving me crazy.

- You're driving me crazy. - What does that mean?

Yeah, well, what about you? You're reinventing yourself every day.

That's different. I'm young.

[exclaiming] The truth!

No. You stop it. You stop it. You know what I meant.

You better believe I do. Is that what this is all about?

Are you getting ready to leave me for someone younger?

Oh, yeah, well you should talk.

What?

You dumped my best friend, Reba, for a younger woman.

Yeah! You!

I was a child!

Why now, Brock?

Why are you suddenly acting like an idiot?

Because...

Because you're just so beautiful.

It's not so bad.

Listen, honey, I'm not planning anything.

What I'm doing, I'm doing for me, okay?

Because it makes me happy.

[sighs]

Okay, then.

- Okay. - I guess I'll go wash this out.

I don't think so.

Why not?

What do you think perm stands for?

I don't know.

Permanent.

Oh, God.

Man, I'm gonna need a hat.

Hey, where's your mom?

I don't know.

All right. Thanks for your help.

- What's this for? - Stop asking questions. Go.

- Hello, Van. - [exclaims]

People know I'm here, Mrs. H. My car is parked right out front,

so don't think you can kill me and roll my dead body up in a rug,

'cause we don't have a rug.

[chuckling nervously]

Relax, Van. We need to talk.

First of all, you know I care about you, right?

Oh, of course. That's why I'm holding a garbage can lid

and wearing a cup.

Van, you're a great guy.

I just think it's time for a change.

Wait a minute. Are you breaking up with me?

We're in different places. We want different things.

You are breaking up with me.

No one's ever broken up with me before.

Van, we used to laugh a lot, but we don't seem to laugh anymore.

This is about what happened with Steve today.

'Cause it's not what you think.

- It's not just that. - Then what is it?

Tell me. I can change. We can laugh again. Look.

[laughing]

Remember when I hit my head with a garbage can lid?

Oh, good times.

Stop it! Don't make this any harder than it already is.

I wanna be free. I wanna spread my wings.

What is that supposed to mean? That I'm holding you back?

You wanna know the truth, Mrs. H?

Steve wanted me. That's right. He wanted me bad.

But I turned him down because of you,

because for the last year that we've shared a business card,

I have never, not once, tried to get my resume in someone else's inbox.

Dang it, Van. I already know that.

- He called me. - What?

Yeah, he does want you. He wants you really bad.

And if you don't take this job, you're gonna regret it.

Maybe not today.

Maybe not tomorrow, but soon and for the rest of your life.

Casablanca was on TV last night.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! So, wait a minute. You're not breaking up with me?

- No. - Yes.

No one breaks up with the Van man.

But you ought to break up with me.

Van, you gotta take that job.

Believe me, if he offered to take me and not you, I'd go.

- You wouldn't. - Yes, I would.

- No, you wouldn't! - Okay, I wouldn't.

But I'd regret it.

Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow... Oh, forget it.

Mrs. H, I am not gonna leave you.

- Van. - No, listen,

you took me in during my darkest hour.

You put a roof over my family's head. You gave me a career.

Heck, woman, you saved my life.

I mean, so what if you're a little... [mimes chatterbox]

- You really are loyal. - Yeah, I am.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go brush my teeth with Aquafresh.

Hey, what's that?

This is your dad's sit-up machine.

It's an exercise machine for old people who don't wanna exercise.

It's called the "I Give Up 2000."

So, what's it do?

As far as I can tell, it doesn't do anything.

[phone ringing]

Hello. Oh, hey, Mr. Norris.

Van, you don't have it turned on.

- [belt whirring] - [quivering]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know, it was a...

[quivering] difficult decision for me to make.

It's just that Mrs. H and I are an unbreakable team.

But, no, I really think that I would work well with you.

I think I have good people skills.

Yeah. So... What? Oh, no, I'm fine. I just have a little cold.

Uh, but, uh, you know I--

[quivering]

Mr. Norris, I gotta call you back, okay?

Come here, you little... shrimp.

[closing theme music playing]