Original subtitles

I don't understand.

Does this mean Cheyenne's first wedding was fake?

Oh, no, honey.

It's just that when two people have been married for a while,

they wanna have another ceremony to celebrate.

So it's kinda like when you eat something that tastes really good,

and then you burp and think,

"Man, that tasted good."

[door opens]

- Hey. - Hey, honey.

Oh, Mom, are those little rice bags for our ceremony?

- Yeah. - They're beautiful.

Oh, I hope they're okay.

But I'm gonna need 'em back.

I'm gonna make rice pudding for the reception.

You know what, Mom, you don't have to go to all this trouble.

I'm fine keepin' things on the simple side.

But, honey, I'm just so excited.

I finally get to throw you a wedding

where it's not on the same day as prom.

Well, I really appreciate it.

And thanks for lettin' Barbra Jean help out too.

- Okay, gotta run. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Barbra Jean?

All right, Mom, look,

Van and I decided that with your high blood pressure

and crammin' everything into two weeks,

that, you know,

it might be nice if Barbra Jean helped you out a little bit.

So you've asked Barbra Jean

to help make my life easier?

Where have you been for the last five years?

All right.

Mom, she's my stepmom, and she really wants to be involved.

- No, Cheyenne. - And look, it is really,

really important to me that everyone gets along this time.

- Okay? - Yeah.

Okay. Don't give it another thought.

Thank you. Mmm.

Just don't let Barbra Jean get too wacky.

And good luck with that.

[door opens]

Okay.

Reba, I ordered a horse and a carriage,

but can the horse stay over here?

You know, you got all those weeds in your backyard,

and Thunder will love that.

You hired a horse and carriage?

What happened to the white limo?

That's a little pimp daddy, Huggy Bear, 1985, you know?

[imitating funky wah-wah guitar]

No. Ack.

I'm so glad you're wanting to help,

but I know you're busy just bein' Barbra Jean.

Look, I am perfectly capable of taking care of this ceremony on my own.

Yeah, well, your daughter doesn't think so.

And, Reba, like it or not, I am way more qualified.

Who here has been married the most recently?

Let me think. Me.

I know, because I provided you with a husband.

Well, maybe

it's time you stopped beatin' a dead horse and get on with your life.

Oh, I'll show you a dead horse!

Oh, bring it on, sister!

Hey.

Everything okay down here?

- Yeah. Just talkin' about horses. - Great.

Well, actually, one end of it anyway.

Oh. [chuckles]

Well, I'm off to my 12-step group.

Ooh, which reminds me, at the reception,

no booze and no open mike.

[Reba] Oh, you got it.

We'll just be here gettin' along, honey.

- [Barbra Jean] Bye-bye, Cheyenne. Yeah. - [laughing]

- [laughing stops] Okay, look. - Right.

We wrecked Cheyenne's last wedding because of our bickering,

but that's not gonna happen again.

So we work together?

Yes.

Horse in the backyard?

[through gritted teeth] Yes.

Matching outfits?

- Get out. - Okay.

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Hey, hey.

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Look, all I'm sayin' is, this is our wedding.

The only people who should be invited

are people who are meaningful in our lives...

and Bill Gates.

He probably won't come, but he might send a check.

Fine, if we're just gonna invite close family and friends,

I guess I'm okay with that.

Okay, you lovebirds.

I've wrangled the caterer, hired the musicians,

and ordered programs

and confirmed the minister. [chuckles]

Dang, I'm good.

[sighs]

Wow, Mrs. H, that sounds fancy.

Well, "fancy" is my name.

[door opens]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Reba, wedding crisis.

Talk her down.

Shouldn't we wait to see if she's gonna jump first?

They've run out of pink roses.

Some idiot ordered all the pink roses in town three days ago.

Our theme is ruined.

Relax, Barbra Jean, that idiot was me.

Oh.

Okay.

Whoo! [chuckles]

How're y'all doin'?

Ma, that sounds like a lot of flowers

for that small little room at the senior center.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Who's payin' for all these flowers?

We are.

Well, a wedding is nothing without flowers.

[mouthing] Yes.

And we may need that many flowers,

because you're not gettin' married at the senior center.

- I got us the church. - [gasps]

The church? Really?

Oh, Cheyenne, you are one lucky girl,

because your mother is a saint.

A saint with the cunning of a Bolivian street urchin.

Come on, Brock.

Now that we got the big church, our options are wide open.

I'm thinkin' light show.

Oh, yeah, yeah... [stammers, pauses]

Ah, they're payin' for the light show, right?

You know, let the moth out of your wallet, okay?

Hey.

So what do you think about all this?

I don't know, Mom, I'm worried.

Barbra Jean's got that look in her eye.

You know, the same look that got us fireworks at Grandma's funeral.

This will not be a circus. I promise.

No elephants and no cotton candy, okay?

- Okay. - All righty.

- Thank you. Mmm. - You got it.

It'll be fun.

[whispers] That's great, Mrs. H.

Keep the cotton candy a surprise.

What are you talkin' about?

Trust me, I know my wife, and she loves the circus.

If this is not the biggest, flashiest wedding of the year,

she's gonna be disappointed.

I'm not sure that's true.

Trust me. It's true.

Trust me. It's not.

Trust me. You're wrong.

Van!

[sighs]

Would you please just let me plan the wedding,

and you stick to lookin' pretty?

I promise, both of you will be happy with it.

Well, hello, hello, hello.

Mrs. H thinks I'm pretty.

[church bells tolling]

- [softly] What the... - [Barbra Jean] Hey.

So?

What do you think?

I think somewhere Jesus is weeping.

I just decorated this church this morning.

What happened?

Your version had a certain

"Been there, done that, seen it, boring" quality.

This is supposed to look like a church, not...

your bedroom.

And are those live birds?

- Yes. - [pigeons cooing]

Nothing says "celebration" like 10 live...

[wings flapping]

Make that nine live doves.

Just a sec.

Frederico?

Yeah, we've got a dove down.

Also, I've got a heart-shaped balloon deflating

near the popcorn machine.

Well, what do you mean, you are out of helium?

Why is your voice so high?

Who's Frederico?

Oh, he's the wedding planner.

Well, he's not actually a wedding planner yet,

but he's the best darn eyebrow waxer at Hair Apparent.

[chuckles]

Oh, you're welcome, sweetie.

Gotta run, Red.

But, Barbra Jean...

Whoa!

Check out this place.

And a giant picture of me?

You know what, you're right, Mrs. H.

I am pretty.

Van, everything was supposed to go through me.

Did you know about this?

Well, Barbra Jean called me and said you decorated the place

in a subtle shade of dull,

so I said, "Work it, girl."

I promised Cheyenne everything would be dignified.

Oh, save the dignified for our funerals.

A wedding's supposed to be fun. You gotta have fun.

And hey, Mrs. H,

I invited some single men of a certain age.

I'm sure there's fire left in the old gal, huh?

[clicking tongue]

Gotta mingle. Love ya.

[door opens]

Okay, honey, look...

[door closes]

You look beautiful.

[giggles]

Oh, my goodness.

One day you're runnin' alongside their bike,

teaching 'em how to ride a two-wheeler...

and the next day, they're gettin' married...

again.

I was just gonna say it doesn't even feel like that much of a wedding.

- I mean, nobody's yellin'. - [both chuckle]

Look, honey, your father and I just wanted to take this moment

to tell you how proud we are of you.

Your mother's right.

You know, everything you've done,

everything you've become...

Well, we just couldn't ask for a better daughter.

You guys,

I love you so much.

- [Brock] Oh, love you too. - We love you too.

[Cheyenne] Mmm-hmm.

And, honey, before, uh, before you go out there,

um, well, your ceremony might be a little more...

flamboyant than what you thought it might be.

- [Brock laughs] - Oh, Mom, it's okay.

Now that we're here, it's...

it's just important to me that I share this moment with...

my closest friends and family.

- [Brock] Mmm. - Oh, honey.

[giggles]

- [knocking] - [door opens]

Knock, knock.

Three-minute warning, people.

Also, there's been a robbery at a liquor store.

I'm gettin' a lot of interference.

Honey, I'll be back in a few minutes to walk you down the aisle.

Remember, don't be nervous.

It's just like ridin' a bike.

Okay. [giggles]

- [Brock chuckles] - [sighs]

Wait a minute.

Who are all those people out there?

Those are your guests, Cheyenne. [chuckles]

Somebody's a little nervous.

But I don't recognize any of them.

- Mom, do you know who they are? - [door closes]

A lot of them are Van's clients.

- What? - Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I got the business cards to prove it.

It's like a real estate seminar out there.

I cannot believe he'd do this.

I mean, we agreed that it would just be people

that meant something to both of us.

After all that we talked about, he...

he packs the church with his clients?

Well, honey, it could be worse. It could be...

- all family. - [chuckles]

No.

[Reba] Where you goin'?

To talk to my husband.

Yeah, but the ceremony's about to start.

Way to go, yappity-yap.

Now get out there and keep things movin', and I'll deal with this.

Okay. Frederico? Yeah...

Ma'am,

I don't care if you ordered pickles on your burger.

Just eat it.

So he says to me, "Can I get an interest-free loan?"

Well, that's when I lost my interest.

[laughing]

Van.

Hey, I'm not supposed to see you. It's bad luck.

How could you do this?

How could you fill the church full of your clients?

I think when you see the quality of their gifts,

you might change your tune.

So you just blow off all my friends from the group?

Well, hey, it'll give you somethin' to share at your next meeting.

Van, this is not a joke to me.

Okay, you two, let's just calm down.

Now, there's a church full of people

waiting to see you celebrate your love for one another, okay?

You did not listen to a word that I said.

What are you talking about?

This whole thing is for you.

For me? Hah.

I don't get why you're so mad.

That's just it, Van, you...

just don't get it.

- [traditional organ music playing] - Okay, and there's the music.

Now to sum it all up, Van's sorry, Cheyenne's sorry,

and we can finish this conversation at another time. [chuckles]

[sighs]

Van, would you escort me to my seat, please?

Sure.

Excuse me for tryin' to give you the perfect wedding.

Let's go.

[organ music continues]

Your daughter is nuts.

[through teeth] Van.

Well, she is, this whole thing is for her,

and she's actin' like I'm some huge jerk.

And speakin' of huge,

I got a place by the lake to show you.

Now back to your nutty daughter.

Oh, please stop talkin' so I can just look happy.

Why's she jumpin' all over me?

- [sighs] - I don't understand it.

And hey, you,

I got your crazy e-mail, and the answer is "yes."

[laughing]

Mrs. H, are you okay?

Oh, I just...

All of y'alls arguin' is just making me a little faint.

Let me just sit down and enjoy the ceremony.

Hi.

Lights and music.

We're a go.

[man] Come on y'all! Here we go now!

[electronic dance music on synthesizer playing, "Here Comes The Bride"]

[stadium style announcement] Ladies and gentlemen,

here comes your bride,

Cheye-e-enne Montgomery!

[music continues]

And...

cue bride.

And...

cue bride.

Frederico, cue the freakin' bride!

Wait, kill the music.

- [music stops] - Cut the lights.

Brock, you forgot the bride.

She's gone.

What do you mean she's gone?

She's gone.

The bride's room is empty.

D'oh, just for once,

I wish she would get married without makin' such a fuss.

[dance music resumes]

Go. Go.

Gone? How could she be gone?

You tell me. You were the one fightin' with her.

You were fighting with her?

I swear to God, boy,

if these hands weren't my bread and butter, I'd--

Brock.

I can't believe Cheyenne would do this.

You know, this is just horrible.

Everything is wrecked.

Kill the doves.

Not literally, Frederico.

Just no doves.

God!

Okay, nothing is wrecked.

I'm gonna go find Cheyenne and talk her down.

- Barbra Jean. - Yeah.

- I need you to get in there and stall. -"Stall?"

How am I supposed to stall?

I don't know, sing a song, dance a ji...

Suddenly, you can't find a way to draw attention to yourself?

Hey, wait a minute, I've got an idea.

Why don't we renew our vows?

- [Barbra Jean] What? - Yeah, our anniversary is coming up.

We could renew our vows

and buy Van and Cheyenne some time.

So what do you say, Barbra Jean?

Will you marry me again?

Oh, my gosh, honey,

that is the most romantic thing I have ever heard.

And this time, it will be even better,

because I can celebrate with my best friend.

I mean, I don't think Reba was totally happy for me the first time.

Oh.

Five years later, and it still makes me sick.

Okay, fine, renew your vows, play the banjo, I don't care.

Just keep 'em busy until I get back.

I am so happy I could scream.

Aw, I hope you don't mind, Van.

I just sorta got swept up in the moment.

No, it'll be nice to have someone to split the cost with.

No.

No. No. Barbra Jean.

Attention, everyone.

There will be a brief addition to the program.

My husband and I are renewing our vows.

[screams]

[inaudible]

Sorry, Frederico.

[screams]

Sorry, sorry. It's just that...

Cheyenne?

Anybody in here?

[Cheyenne] No.

This is all wrong, Mom.

This was supposed to be wonderful.

Honey, it still can be...

in a "Harlequin romance novel,

French bordello" kinda way.

I can't go out there, Mom.

I'm so mad, I can barely even speak.

Van should have known better.

Oh, I know honey, and you guys can discuss this after the ceremony.

Now let's get out there and have some fun.

- Come on. - [door opens]

Cheyenne, how could you do this?

How could you ruin everything?

Are you kidding, Van? This wasn't about me.

This was about your clients and showing off.

So what if I'm showin' off? I'm proud of you.

I'm proud of the things I've accomplished.

I thought you'd be proud too.

The things that you've accomplished?

Okay, let's keep this in perspective.

Now we gotta remember, the reason we're here

is for you guys to celebrate your love for one another.

Yeah.

Van, you were only supposed to invite people

that were meaningful to both of us.

My clients are meaningful.

They mean money.

Okay, you know what, Van?

The people in my support group mean something to me.

I wanted them here too.

And, and, and also, because when you're in love,

you always forgive the other one.

Do you know, do you know why I didn't invite your friends?

Because they depress me.

All those people with all their problems depress me.

Van, I'm one of those people!

And it's important to remember, weddings are very stressful.

So let's just take a step back and take a deep breath.

[inhales deeply]

The Cheyenne I married would've loved this wedding.

Well, maybe I'm not that person anymore.

No kidding.

I mean, what happened to us?

We used to have so much fun.

It's like I don't even know you anymore.

I don't know, Van.

I mean, maybe we're not meant to be together after all.

What? [stammers]

Van, go after her.

Go after her.

Maybe she's right. Maybe we shouldn't get married.

But you're already married!

Oh, how could this day get any worse?

Reba, come quick.

I want you to be my bridesmaid.

Van, help.

[traditional organ music playing]

Oh, Reba, this is so beautiful,

just like out of a dream.

You know, Frederico accidentally let three doves escape.

I caught two of them.

The other one hit a window.

Barbra Jean, let me go.

But you need to give me away.

I would love to, if I could find any takers.

Let's stop touching now. You're kinda clammy.

Hey, what's goin' on with Van and Cheyenne?

Okay, the kids' wedding is off.

Sorry.

They had another fight.

And they were in the bathroom, which is a bad place to have it,

because the echo makes it sound far worse.

Oh, my gosh.

Are they gonna be okay?

I don't know. I guess I better say somethin'.

Frederico, Reba's gonna speak.

Give me a drumroll and a pin spot.

God, you are useless!

[organ music stops]

[chuckles] Hello.

Uh, thanks for comin'.

Uh.

Traffic was nuts, huh? [chuckles]

[laughs loudly]

Anyway, the, the ki... the kids...

had a little, um...

misunderstanding.

I'm sure they'll be okay, but...

Oh.

- Reba. - Yeah, I'm, I'm okay.

- Okay. - Um.

So if, so if y'all will just kinda hang in there,

I'm su... I'm sure it'll be...

I'm gonna sit down just for a second, okay?

- Reba. - [Reba] Oh.

Reba, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Who let the doves out?

[closing theme music playing]

Acme! [coughing]