Original subtitles

[snoring]

[softly] Van. Van.

- [loudly] Van! - [shouts indistinctly]

Mrs. H, what are you doin'?

I made you some cookies,

and look, I wrote your name on this one with some M&M'S.

Wow!

I dreamt it, and it actually happened.

And this time, I'm wearin' pants.

Good cookie.

Good freakin' cookie.

[Reba] Mmm.

Hey, guys. What's goin' on?

A perfect moment. Don't ruin it.

While Van was nappin', I made him some cookies.

[Van] And milk.

Your mother is treating me, well...

properly.

So Mom came home from work, saw you asleep on the couch,

and instead of whackin' you with a spoon, she made you cookies?

Good freakin' cookie.

Something's fishy about this.

Nothin' fishy around here.

Just a mother-in-law showin' a little love.

Yeah, she likes me, Cheyenne.

Oh, I love him.

I love him a lot.

- [Cheyenne] Uh-huh. - [Van chuckles]

Yeah. Not just fishy.

Sinister.

We're nice to each other.

She made me cookies.

I lent her my car.

[chuckles]

My car!

[shrieks, whimpers]

[gasps]

If it makes you feel better, I'm fine.

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Hey, hey.

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Oh, Rhonda!

Your door. [sobs]

Anything but your door.

Look, Van, I'm terribly sorry.

- Get away from me, you car wrecker! - [yelps]

- Okay, Van, okay. Do not overreact. - [groans]

- I'm sure it's something that we could... - [metal clanging]

[sobbing]

[Cheyenne] ...very easily fix.

[Brock] Whoa!

Not the door.

The door is the hardest part to fix.

[Jake] Oh, man!

Van's gonna cry.

I'm not gonna cry.

No, I'm not gonna cry.

[sniffles] It's fine.

But I'll be damned if I let you people see me not cry!

Oh, I better go after him.

I've seen him like this before.

He writes poetry.

That's perfect.

I get a poem for school...

written on a fifth-grade level.

Reba...

did you do this to Van's car?

It wasn't all my fault.

There was a pole involved.

Oh, yeah, and last week, when you wrecked your car,

there was a fence involved.

Now, could it be

that you were driving without your glasses again?

You don't live here. Why am I talkin' to you?

"Rhonda."

"Rhonda."

"The car I was so...

fonda."

"I wish I could fix you...

with a magic...

wanda."

Honey, that is beautiful.

Yeah.

For a second grader.

Van, again, I am so sorry about Rhonda.

Yeah, well, now I'm gonna have to go rent a Honda.

Reba, if you're gonna drive at night without your glasses,

you're gonna have to take other steps.

She wasn't wearing her glasses?

Cheyenne...

she wasn't wearing her glasses.

How rich!

Easy, honey.

No, I'm fine, I mean, why should Mrs. Magoo wear her glasses?

I hate my glasses.

They make me look like a grandma.

Zip it.

Well, then why the heck don't you just get laser eye surgery?

I don't have time to do something like that.

Well, Reba, you gotta do something,

because this family...

is runnin' out of cars.

Mom, you should really think about getting that laser thing done.

I mean, it only takes an afternoon.

I'd be happy to stay home and look after you.

Or I could look after her...

while she's blind and defenseless.

I'm gonna go read Rhonda a poem.

[door opens]

[door closes]

Will you at least think about getting it done?

I am getting it done, Cheyenne.

On Tuesday.

I had my consultation today.

- Oh. - You wanna hear somethin' ironic?

The pole that I smashed into today

was in the eye doctor's parking lot.

Oh.

Well, so you're doin' it. That's great.

Okay, so I'll stay home and take care of ya.

No, no, no.

No, I don't want anybody to take care of me.

I just need a ride there and back, and then I wanna be left alone.

Oh, I'm so excited! [chuckles]

So, are you just getting the eyes done, or are you gonna do the bags too?

Can they do that?

You are doin' so well, Mom.

And step.

And step--

I know how to walk. I'm not a baby.

Oh, no, you're not.

You're a big girl. Yes, you are.

So, how long till you can see?

A few hours.

The kind of surgery I had

is where they don't cut your eyeball, they just scrape it off.

So the recovery's a little bit longer.

[chuckles]

- Good Valium. - Mmm.

- Good freakin' Valium. - Oh.

Okay, I'm gonna lead you to the couch now, all right?

- Okay. - Gonna be a little trust exercise.

- All right. - [cell phone rings]

Ooh.

- Hello? - [thudding]

Oh. I'll call you back.

Cheyenne!

Mom, I'm sorry.

Glen called Jennifer.

He is so cute.

Okay, I'll help you to the couch, come on.

Oh, forget it.

Mom, are you sure you're gonna be okay?

I feel guilty leavin' you like this.

Lookin' forward to some alone time.

Go on to the movies. I'll be fine.

Okay, but call me if you need me.

I'll have my cell phone, okay?

- All right. - [cell phone rings]

Hello?

Oh, no, it was nothing.

My mom's just blind, and she fell.

[excitedly] So tell me everything.

Oh, my God! [squeals]

Oh, I'll call you back. Where are you going?

I am totally, like, going in the house.

Move, please.

- No, no, no, you can't go in there. - Why?

- Because you can't. - Why?

- Well, just, because... I can't tell you. - Why?

Because Mom got the laser eye surgery,

and she doesn't want anyone fussin' over her.

She's in there?

This is perfect.

I have a score to settle.

A vendetta.

No, no, Van.

No vendettas.

Come on.

Why don't you just forgive Mom and go to the movies with me?

Please? [chuckles]

- You know what, you're right. - Thank you.

- That's what I'm gonna do... - Yeah.

Forgive her. You know why?

- 'Cause you asked me and I love you. - Oh, baby.

Let me borrow your phone. I'm gonna call ahead for some tickets.

- Okay, I'm gonna get the car. - Okay.

- All right. Yay! - Okay. [chuckles]

[beeping]

Barbra Jean, hey.

Just wanna let you know, Mrs. H is in trouble.

I know.

But she doesn't want anybody to help her,

and I just wanted to call to make sure

that whatever you do,

you don't sneak over here

and make sure she's okay.

Bye now.

That was for you, Rhonda.

Cup, cup, cup, cup, cup, cup.

Cup. Got me a cup.

Water, water, water, water.

Water, water, water, water, water.

Okay, now I'm hungry.

All right, fine, dandy.

[sighs] Sandwich.

Where's the bread?

Where's the bread?

Here?

Bread was right here just the other day.

I know I put it here.

[chuckles] There it is.

- [mouthing inaudibly] - Yeah.

Okay. Good bread. Good bread.

There you go.

Bologna and cheese sandwich.

Good.

No. Peanut butter.

Love peanut butter.

Jake hid the peanut butter on me.

I know he... Durn it.

Was right here.

Ah.

Right by the bread. That's where it always is.

Ah.

Good old peanut butter.

There you go. [chuckles]

- I can do this all by myself. - [mouthing inaudibly]

I don't need Cheyenne.

Knife.

Need a knife.

Nope, that's a fork.

That's a fork. That's a spoon.

Ah.

Knife.

Okay.

Where'd the bread go?

Ah.

Where's the other piece of bread?

Ah.

Fewer carbs this way.

[screaming]

Barbra Jean, what are you doin' here?

You can hear.

How did you know I was here?

I didn't want anybody to know.

He made me promise I wouldn't say.

- Brock? - No, Van.

No!

Barbra Jean, I'm gonna say this as nice as I possibly can.

Please leave me alone.

[scoffs] Reba, I can't.

I saw you in here fumbling around.

It was pathetic.

I mean, drinkin' a plant?

Reba, let me be your eyes.

I, I'll read to you, and I'll cut up your food,

and, and I'll teach you how to put your makeup on.

The right way.

Okay, that's it!

I didn't ask you to be here!

I don't want you here! Now get out!

[scoffs] Fine.

If that's the way you feel about it,

I'm leaving.

Goodbye, Reba,

and good luck.

Barbra Jean, I know you're still here.

All right.

Fine.

I'm leaving.

- Barbra Jean. - What?

- Get out! - Okay!

[stomping loudly]

[tapping softly]

Barbra Jean?

Huh.

- Marco. - Polo.

- Barbra Jean! - [screams]

I can't leave you!

Now, since you can't watch TV,

I thought that, for entertainment, I could read to you.

Read?

Why? Just to prove you can?

I chose a classic:

Oliver Twist.

Okay.

Boring, boring, boring.

Blah, blah. Orphan, orphan.

Okay. Here we go. [clears throat]

[in British accent] "Please, sir."

"I want some more."

[deep voice] "More?"

Are you still reading,

or did you just pass gas?

[door opens]

Hey, we're back.

Oh, look, it's Barbra Jean.

Well, I guess we're even.

Right, Mrs. H?

- Really? - [chuckles]

Go check the other door.

Oh, I'm real scared.

All right, Barbra Jean, I'll take over from here.

Oh, no, no, I can't leave yet, Cheyenne.

I haven't taught Reba to catch the little ball with the bell in it.

- Reba? - [rattling]

Can you hear it? Reba?

[Cheyenne] Oh, okay.

Mom.

All right, you stay here.

I'm gonna go get my cell phone from the car.

Even though Mom didn't want your help,

I'm sure you were a very good nurse.

Yeah.

You know, as a kid, I always wanted to be a nurse.

In the high school talent show, I juggled bedpans.

Oh. My book.

I left my little Dickens in the house.

Oh, Cheyenne, I'm glad you're back.

I couldn't wait to tell you about my day with Barbra Jean.

Mmm?

You know, you'd think that havin' a laser shot in my eye

would be the worst part of my day, but it wasn't.

[sighs]

Do you have any idea what she did?

[high-pitched voice] No.

Well, she sang to me,

and then she read to me.

- Oh, my God. - Yeah, yeah.

In this really bad accent.

Now, I usually don't make fun of people's accents,

but hers was like...

[in British accent] "Please, sir. May I have more?"

[squeakily] "More?"

Oh, man.

I was thinkin' to myself while she was here,

"Why just couldn't I have been deaf too?"

[laughing]

[crying]

Mom, what'd you say to Barbra Jean to make her cry?

Barbra Jean?

Oh, crap.

Well, honey, maybe she was just kiddin' around.

She does not have a sense of humor, Brock.

[clattering]

[clattering continues]

Brock, get rid of her.

I do not want to talk to her.

Barbra Jean?

No. No, it's me.

[chuckles]

Boy, you really can't see anything, can you?

- No. - So, listen, uh,

Barbra Jean told me what happened between the two of you.

And I gotta say, Reba,

it sounds like you were a little mean.

Oh, I knew that's what she was gonna say.

That's why I came over here,

because I just had to give you my side of the story.

Okay, great. Great.

What's your side?

Well, for one thing, I made it clear that I wanted to be left alone,

but she insisted on staying.

You know how annoying she can be.

I... Um...

Oh, Brock.

Don't play dumb with me.

You said it just the other day.

"Man, sometimes Barbra Jean really gets on people's nerves."

[mouthing inaudibly]

No.

No.

I never said that.

What I said w...

You know, that's not the point.

Now look, Reba.

If you had seen Barbra Jean's face,

I don't think you'd be defending yourself.

In fact, I think you'd be apologizing right now.

Nah.

On the other hand...

Nah, nothin'.

Wait. No. Wait, wait, wait.

What were you, what were you gonna say?

Look, Reba. Just...

Just pretend that...

I'm her.

Now, what would you say?

Oh, you'll just tell her.

No, I swear I won't.

Well, I guess I would say to her...

"I got mad when you tried to help me,

'cause I hate thinkin' I might need help."

"It scares me."

[exhales deeply]

Go on.

Mostly because of the way my life has turned out.

Makes me worry

that there won't be anybody around to help me when I really need it.

But the truth is, I don't need to worry about that

because it looks like I'm always gonna have someone there for me.

I know you're there, Barbra Jean,

so you can hug me now.

Was it because we're just so close you could sense my presence?

No, I can still smell the peanut butter on you.

Oh, Reba.

I will never, ever forget what you just said, ever.

Oh, honey, I gotta go write this in my diary

while it is still fresh in my mind.

"And then she turned to me and she said, 'Barbra Jean, I apologize.'"

"'You have made my life a garden of orchids.'"

That was very nice, Reba.

Yeah, I regret it already.

Mmm. Okay, I get it.

You don't wanna talk about it. Fine.

So how's your eyesight?

Actually, it's pretty amazing.

- Whoa! - Yeah.

You have gotten old.

Van.

Van!

Wake up.

Made you some more cookies.

- Really? - Mmm-hmm.

You're not mad about the whole Barbra Jean thing?

No.

Actually, I made these cookies as a peace offering.

- Forgive and forget. That's me. - [chuckles]

Wait a minute.

"Forgive and forget," isn't you.

You're, "Hell hath no fury."

You put something in these.

Just double chips.

Come on, Van, either you're gonna eat the cookies, or you're not.

Sooner or later, we have to learn to trust each other again.

Jake.

Have a cookie.

Cool.

How is it?

Really good.

[chuckles]

How'd it go?

Great.

I took the cookie you told me to.

[cackles]

[groans]

[closing theme music playing]

Acme! [coughing]