All language subtitles for Reba.S05E15.Money.Blues.1080p.NF.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-FLUX_track4_[eng]

Good morning, Mrs. H.

Ready to go to the office?

The office isn't even open yet, Van.

The early bird gets the worm, Mrs. H.

That's why I like to go
to the office to watch that.

Sometimes the worm breaks in half.

It's so gross.

But it's really cool.

Hey, honey, can I have
some money before you go?

For what?

Well, I just have to get a few things.

These things,

they wouldn't happen to have
high heels, would they?

No.

- Not all of 'em.
- Uh-huh.

So, can I have some money?

Oh, God, it's so hard being generous.

- Ah, just take it all.
- Thanks.

Just make sure you write everything down
in your expense journal.

- See you at the office, Mrs. H.
- [Cheyenne] Bye, honey.

- [door closes]
-"Expense journal?"

Oh, yeah, that's the system
that Van uses to control our money.

He enters all of our expenses
in a computer

and then prints out
these little pie charts

that he's supposed to go over.

But usually, when he sees the pie charts,

he decides he wants pie, so he never does.

And you're okay with that?

Yeah, Van loves pie.

Not that.

Him controlling all the money.

Well, Mom,

Dad controlled the money
when you guys were married.

Yes, and having gone through
what I just went through with your dad,

I can think of 75,000 reasons
that was dumb.

Mom, I really don't think Van is like Dad.

There was a time I used to think
Dad wasn't like Dad.

But surprise!

Look, I've thought about talking to him,

but, you know, money is just
one of those issues in our marriage

that's just better left not talked about.

Okay, Cheyenne, listen to me.

Money is not one of the issues
in a marriage.

It is "the" issue in a marriage.

It is the issue
underneath all the other issues.

Honey, a marriage has to have
full and honest disclosure.

Mom, my marriage
has full and honest disclosure.

- [sighs]
- And besides,

I can always lie on my expense journal.

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Hey, hey.

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Okay, the termite company said we can
tent the Hillman house on Wednesday.

Great.

Although, you know what has always
bugged me about tenting a house, Mrs. H?

What's that?

What if termites love to go campin'?

Wouldn't it be ironic...

if they saw a tent going up

and they thought they were
on this really cool camping trip,

and the next thing they know,
they're dead?

Did you ever wonder about that?

Yeah, Van, I think everybody
wonders about that.

So, did you write that down
in your expense journal?

What?

That decaf latte
with a double shot of vanilla.

You do write that down in your
expense journal, don't you?

Me? No, no, no.
That's just for Cheyenne.

Here's another thing
I always wonder about, Mrs. H.

What if lobsters

love Jacuzzis?

And just before we drop them
into a pot of boiling hot water,

they think we're the nicest people
in the world?

You know what that would be?

That would be ironic.

Let's get back to Cheyenne for a second.

Don't you worry that your financial system

might make Cheyenne feel
like a little less than an equal partner?

What? Why would it?

Oh, I don't know, maybe because...

you don't have to keep
an expense journal and she does,

and she has to ask for money.

Well, gee, I hadn't thought about that.

Well, something to think about now.

Well, yeah, I guess maybe it is.

Yeah, you know...

You know, when you're not so busy
thinking how ironic it would be

if mosquitoes like those
big blue bug lights that kill 'em.

Huh?

You know, those big blue bug lights
that we put outside in the summer.

What if bugs liked 'em?

You know, "Hey, guys. Party's over here."

And then zap. [laughs]

[laughs]

I... Uh, y-you lost me.

Oh, you know, like the lobsters.

We keep big blue bug lights
out in the summertime

to keep the lobsters away?

No, the thing before,

with the happy dead termites
that camp, you know.

Look, Mrs. H, I don't mind
if you have a few beers at lunch, but, uh,

I wouldn't talk to anybody else
this afternoon if I were you.

Hey, where have you guys been?

Just hanging out.

Jake had detention.

[gasps]

You said you wouldn't tell.

Yeah, Jake, I say a lot of things.

Yesterday I told the DMV I weighed 105.
Grow up.

So what'd you do?

He had a soda at school.

They're banned.

I mean, it's the same
as if he brought a tomahawk

or photographs of buxom women.

So, how did you get a soda
if they were banned from school?

Kids sell 'em...

from their backpacks.

Pushers.

On the street,
they call 'em, "pop daddies."

Thank you, Barbra Jean.

- I can take it from here.
- Oh.

Sweet Jake.

You used to be such a good boy.

We miss that good boy.

Oh.

- Here's what happened. I--
- No.

Here's what happened.

Your school banned sodas, and you had one.

That was wrong.

Now, if you've got a problem
with the rules,

you take it up with your principal,

but you do not break the rules.

Now you get upstairs
and think about what I just said.

Oh, hey, Mrs. H.
Good, you're here.

Cheyenne!

I thought about what you said
about the money thing,

and I'm gonna make it right.

- Oh. Glad I could help.
- Mmm-hmm.

[Cheyenne hums]

- Hey, honey, how was work?
- Oh, great.

Well, except for one of the Realtors
got hammered at lunch.

But, uh,

I covered for her.

Anyway, I have something
really important to say to you.

Okay. I know what you're gonna say, Van,
but they were on sale.

You bought shoes.

Good for you.

Okay, well, I put it
in the expense journal.

Put it under, "Asthma Medication."

- But it's in there.
- Okay.

Forget the stupid expense journal.

Look, I realized today that...

I'm doing things financially
that might make you feel...

that I don't see you as an equal partner.

Aww, honey, that is so sensitive.

It's hard to go through life that way,
but I try to carry it with dignity.

Anyway, I wanted to show you
how much I value you

as a wife, a mother

and as a partner.

- [Cheyenne] Aww. [chuckles]
- So...

I decided...

to pay you.

What?

Yeah, yeah. I-I-I-I, uh,

worked out the approximate value
of what you do around here,

threw in a little extra
'cause you look so hot doing it,

and I came up with a weekly paycheck.

[chuckles] So here you go.

You figured out my, "value"?

Yeah, you know, stuff like
cooking, laundry, day care.

And I didn't include, uh, you know,

'cause that would be illegal.

Why would you think
that you could treat me like an employee?

Do you think that the money
that we make is yours?

[laughs] It's a big ol' joke, Cheyenne.

Van, tell her it's a joke.

A big, ol', dumb, dangerous joke.

Why would I say that?

You're the one who told me to do it.

Wha... You told him to pay me?

No, I didn't say that.

I just told him to think about it.

You told Van to think?

Are you insane?

What is that?

- Is that an insult?
- Oh.

All right, fine, Cheyenne.

I'll answer your question.

Yes.

I think the money that I make is mine.

And why would I think
a crazy thing like that?

Oh, that's right,

'cause when the paychecks come,

they have my name on 'em.

You know what, I cannot believe
that I said that you were sensitive.

You're not sensitive.
You're a butt.

And as for you, Mom,

I can't call you a butt
because you're my mom.

But if you weren't, I would.

Except that I won't be
talking to you, so I can't.

Oh, and, Van,

these shoes, they weren't on sale.

And I bought two pair.

Cheyenne.

Van, go after her.

Tell her you made a mistake.

I made a big mistake, all right,
when I took your advice.

That's the last time I listen to you
when you're drunk.

Oh, are you talking to me this morning?

If you are, I'd sure like a chance
to explain what happened.

[beeping]

[telephone rings]

[Reba on answering machine]
Hi, this is Reba.

Leave a message after the beep.

[beeps]

I'm sorry, I've reached a number
that I'm not speaking to.

All you had to do was say no.

Cheyenne, I know you're still mad at me,

but flushing the toilet when someone's
in the shower isn't just mean,

it's dangerous.

[scoffs]

So you're still not talking to me?

Mom.

Oh, you're talking to me now?

Actually, I'm just talking
to myself out loud.

Cheyenne, if Van tries to talk to you,

try and figure out a way to let him know
you're not talking to him.

Okay, Cheyenne, I will.

Van, it's Van.

Nice choice in the wife, you moron.

Reba, it's Reba.

How's it working out living in a nuthouse?

Jake, what are you doing home?

Aren't you supposed to be
on your way to school?

This morning, I was out on the lawn
pulling dandelions,

nature's beautiful yellow garbage...

when I saw my stepson

struggling under the weight
of his enormous backpack.

[loud clunk]

What the heck is in there?

It wasn't that heavy when you left.

Sodas.

I don't believe this.

It's not what you think.

Sometimes on the way to school,

I run into homeless people
who really love soda.

Oh, really?

[coins jingling]

And sometimes they need...

- change for a dollar?
- Oh, Jake.

Okay, we don't have time
to talk about this now.

We will have a long conversation
when you get home from school.

Now, get.

Reba, a long conversation
is not gonna do anything.

But I know what will...

military school. [pops]

Barbra Jean,

- I don't need help raising my kids.
- Oh.

I've been doing this a long time.

They've all turned out pretty well.

All right.

[Van] You're just a big baby.

Oh, oh, if someone's talking to me,

- I can't hear them.
- [imitates baby wailing]

Especially if they're a big gigantic butt.

Where are your diapers, you big baby?

[door closes]

So, military school, huh?

[knocks]

Hey, Mr. H.

I need some advice.

Advice?

You know, Van, I always hoped
we'd have a relationship like this.

You know, that you'd look at me
as a mentor.

As a guy that you could come to--

Need it today, Mr. H.

Okay. So what's the problem?

Well, Cheyenne and I had
a big fight about money.

And she's mad at me because I said
I think the money I make is mine.

And I need to know how to explain it
to her so she'll understand.

[exhales]

Okay, Van.

It's time.

I'm going to tell you something now,

something that all men get told

- when the time is right.
- Yeah.

It is the deepest secret
in the fellowship of the husbands.

It's the bedrock truth
upon which all else sits.

- It is, in fact--
- Today, Mr. H. Need it today.

Okay, you ready?

Yeah.

It's not your money.

What?

Don't say it, Mr. H, 'cause if you say it,
then there's no hope.

There is no hope, buddy.

Wake up. Face it.

But the checks have
my name written on 'em.

- The checks have your name on 'em?
- Yeah.

You're an idiot.

All right, look,
I'm sorry for being so direct,

but the best way
is to absorb it all at once.

[shudders]

Yeah, you okay?

[shudders]

I'm a little nauseous.

Yeah, well, deep breaths, kid.

- [exhales deeply]
- Deep breaths.

[chuckles]

Yeah, I once felt like you.

Yeah, back in the day,
when I also believed

whether I was gonna play golf that week
was my decision.

But I found out I was living a lie.

You're in a marriage, Van.

There is very little, "mine"
and, "yours" in a marriage...

and a whole lot of...

"ours."

But maybe that can change.

Maybe it's just that
no one's ever tried yet, huh?

There isn't a guy
walking out of divorce court

that didn't once believe
he was the chosen one.

No, Van.

You have to accept this.

Okay, I can accept it.

I, I can accept that the money
I make is also Cheyenne's.

I can.

But you mean to tell me that I'm not even
allowed to say, "I think it's mine"?

And now comes the hope.

There is a place where you can do that.

It's a wonderful place.

Van...

I think it's time you learned
how to play golf.

You're coming with me on Saturday, yeah.

- We're gonna go golfing?
- Yeah, buddy.

- Oh.
- Hey.

- Hello, boys.
- Hey.

What's going on?

Oh, we're just shooting the breeze.

Hey, listen to this.

- Van's coming golfing with me on Saturday.
- Yeah.

- Golf?
- Yeah.

- Oh, I don't think so, honey.
- Huh?

You know, until we get this situation
with the IRS figured out,

we need to be more careful with our money.

Don't you think?

Yes, of course.

- Look, Mr. H--
- Just go.

Oh. Hey.

If you're talking to me, hello.

If you're not talking to me...

hello anyway.

I'm no longer mad at you.

I discussed this
with the people at my meeting,

and they suggested
that I act with grace and maturity.

[Reba] Hmm.

Oh, shoot, the boss is here!
We better look busy!

Is that shiny enough for you,
Mr. Montgomery, sir?

I wanna earn my paycheck.

[chuckles]

What are you doing?

What does it look like she's doing?

She's acting with grace and maturity.

You know, Cheyenne,
I don't consider myself your boss,

but if I did, your file would have
a big red sticker on it

that said "Bad Attitude".

You know what, Van?

When we got married,
you shouldn't have said, "I do."

You should have said, "You're hired."

- [laughs]
- A-ha.

Oh, look at you.

- You're talking to each other.
- I'm goin' to the golf course.

- Okay.
- Van, stop.

Cheyenne, stop.

If you guys aren't in the mood to talk,
well, I am.

So sit down, shut up and listen.

- She's gonna say it's my fault.
- No, she's gonna say it's my fault.

Well, you're both wrong,
'cause it's my fault.

Oh, Mrs. H, I don't blame you.

You were loaded.

Look, guys.

I think this thing
between Brock and the IRS

has got me a little nutty
in the money area.

Yeah, well, maybe, but it's okay,

'cause you've been under a lot of stress.

Well, I'll tell you the truth, Cheyenne.

Where there's money,
there will always be stress.

Whether you have money or if you don't.

It'll always be a large pain in the rear.

That's why couples
don't wanna talk about it.

And that's where the trouble starts.

And that's what I was trying to prevent.

Nice job.

Don't avoid this issue, guys.

It will never go away.

[exhales]

[sighs]

Look.

I'm sorry I said I think
the money I make is mine...

just because I earn it,

and the checks have
my name written on 'em.

That's not why I got mad, Van.

I got mad because I don't make any money.

And every time I worry about that,
I tell myself that it's okay

because I think of all the other things
I do for the family.

Yes, exactly, and that's what I was
trying to show you with the check.

Well, you know what,
this is gonna sound stupid, Van,

but I felt like you devalued
everything I do

by putting a value on it.

Oh, honey. No.

You are the heart and soul of our family.

Money, we can always find,

but you give us something
that we can't find anyplace else.

You know what that is?

Cheyenne-ism.

You're just saying that.

No, baby, look.

I-I could give up my job,
my stuff, my everything.

It can all be replaced,

but there's something
that can never be replaced...

you.

- Oh.
- Hmm?

- Baby.
- Yeah?

Let's try to never
fight about money again.

- Deal.
- Okay.

- Mmm.
- [sighs]

- So, hey.
- Yeah?

What do you say we go upstairs
and you make a little overtime?

[Cheyenne] Mmm.

You can't afford me.

Wait a minute.

- [coins jingling]
- Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

- Hey.
- Mom.

- [door closes]
- I was just going to my room to...

pray.

Well, I already prayed.
God wants you to sit.

Jake, what were you thinking
selling those sodas?

Why am I in trouble
for being a good businessman?

Do you realize
that when I'm a millionaire,

this will be the cute story
you tell Larry King.

Watch it, Jake.
Being dishonest is not funny.

Yeah, well, neither is being poor.

What do you mean by that?

Forget it.
What's my punishment?

No, I'm not gonna forget it.

What are you talking about?

All everybody
talks about around here lately

is how we don't have any money.

Well, I'm trying to do
something about that.

So you were doing all that
just for the family?

Yes.

Okay, Jake.

Here's your punishment.

You have to listen to what
I'm gonna say right now...

and remember it for the rest of your life.

Couldn't you just whack me?

Listen to me.

Honey, you will have opportunities
your whole life...

to break the rules.
and to cheat to get money.

- Sweet.
- Jake.

Now,

if you take advantage
of these opportunities,

even if you get the money,

you will be poor.

You may have a lot of money,

but you will be poor.

Do you understand what I'm saying here?

- Yes.
- Good.

Now, you might oughta go tell Barbra Jean
what you've been up to,

'cause she's really upset.

[chuckles nervously]

I already did.

[door opens]

Jake, delivery time.

I also brought candy,

'cause I think we're leaving
a lot of money on the table

by not offering sweets.

Crap.

[closing theme music playing]

Acme! [coughing]