Original subtitles

PROTECTING THE UNIVERSE PRESENTED BY KOSMO

[presenter] Ever since its creation, this universe has been striving

for a state of perfect cosmic balance,

maintained by the perpetual struggle

between two forces, chaos and control.

As a demon, it is your life-long duty

to fight in this struggle and spread as much chaos as possible.

[screams]

To do this, use the fleshly shell assigned to you.

Be creative!

KABOOM

[explosion]

But be warned, our enemies, deceitful and manipulative beings called "angels"

will not miss a single opportunity to increase their control over mankind.

We cannot allow that to happen.

[screaming in the background]

Chaos means progress,

growth and perpetual change. Control will poison the mind.

Luckily, our predecessors established an efficient organizational structure

to oversee all global activities of our distinguished community.

[laughs]

Day-to-day operations are managed by the highest-ranking demon of this dimension.

He bears full operational responsibility.

He is the direct executor of the commands of his mother, the immortal Lilith.

Though most of us will never be granted a glimpse of her true appearance,

we can always rely on Lilith's wisdom and leadership.

She is the devil.

[beastly menacing growl]

[thunder rumbles]

[giggles hysterically]

- The devil? Bullshit! - Yes, the devil.

- That dude from hell? Lucifer? [Lukas] Well, I mean...

Those Christian notions don't really apply here...

The Bible's like "The Lord of the Rings" but with Romans and Christians.

[explosion]

Hey, uh... I'm- I'm sorry!

I didn't know that could happen, okay? I mean...

If what you're saying is true and you are the son of the devil...

What would that mean for me? Can I get an abortion,

or is it like The Exorcist? Do I need an exorcism now?

[otherworldly growl]

No, uh... well... I- I don't know either. I've- I've never seen that movie.

[crescendo of a rumbling noise]

[loud explosion and metal clattering]

- [Lukas] Are you doing this on purpose? - Does it look like I am?

[rumbling continues]

No. So I guess we know it's not a normal baby.

[shouts] What is it, Lukas?

[otherworldly whispers and growling]

[breathes shakily]

Can we talk somewhere else?

Where nothing can hit me on the head?

[Pauline] It doesn't matter anymore. I have a plan to get rid of it.

[Lukas] Okay. I'm not sure it's gonna be that simple.

Let me look into it, first. I know a guy.

[Pauline chuckles sarcastically] Yeah.

that's exactly what I want, some guys mansplaining me out of my decision.

[Lukas] That's not what I meant.

Hey, I know I messed up, but please let me find out what's going on.

I'd rather sort this out on my own.

Come on, wait a minute.

[glass clanking]

[Lukas whispers] Shit. What's he doing here?

The janitor from my school? Was he following me?

[whispers] Fuck. Wait here, okay? I'll be right back.

[footsteps receding]

[Lukas] Hey. What's up? What are you doing around here?

Uhm... Uhm... I noticed uh-- something odd over-- over the last few d-days,

and uh-- I just wanted to check if uh something--

Did you make a report?

No. I uh-- just wanted to check... because... if...

if I'm being honest... I work at a school, you know. Influencing Minors.

But I was kinda hoping to switch to Family Relations in the near future.

- Could you get to the point? - [stammering] Yes, of course.

I noticed a particular girl who's been acting kind of strange, you know?

It's almost as if she were one of us.

And if I can find out what's going on, I think I might get a promotion.

- A promotion? - Well, this situation with the girl

might turn out to be a big deal. And if Lilith-- if we get her--

Yeah, cool. Let's do that. Sounds good. Let's shake on it.

- [Lukas chuckles] - [Janitor clears his throat hesitantly]

[in a shaking voice] Yeah...

[both laugh nervously]

Sorry. I've changed my mind.

[Janitor groans]

[sinister sounds]

[Janitor grunting intensifies]

[Lukas sighs]

I think you'd better... get out of here. [sighs]

[pants]

Shit.

[♪ intro gong playing]

[hammer drill pounding]

BUILDING A BETTER TOMORROW

[♪ upbeat music]

[light thud]

[confused whispers] Sorry. I've changed my mind. What is it, Lukas?

What’s the matter? Can I just get an abortion?

Let me find out what's going on.

LUKAS BLOCKED

I think I'd rather do this on my own.

Good morning. I've used my keys. I hope that's okay.

I just thought I'd wake Carla up if I rang the doorbell.

[Paulina] What are you doing here?

[Tony groans] I'm picking you up. We go to school together all the time.

The last time we did that, we were 10.

[sighs] You don't have to take care of me.

I'm not one of your "make the world better" projects. Uhm...

Someone's hangry. Sweet or savory?

I took the time to go to two different bakeries.

In 24 hours, you'll go to that stupid clinic.

And until then, I won't leave your side.

Whether you like it or not. Well then, sweet or savory?

I've already had breakfast, you could have both.

[Pauline] It's a routine procedure. What could possibly go wrong?

- I'm okay. - Mhm.

For real.

That's something people say when they're not okay.

But I've sorted this thing out. Remko will cover your shifts this week.

He even wanted to give us some weird sherbet UFOs,

but for some reason, they were all sold out.

[chuckles]

Yes, they're super popular.

What's that weird stuff on your jacket? Did you go out last night?

[with her mouth full] I don't know.

[huffs] Okay. Tomorrow night, it all will be back to normal.

You know, as normal as a misanthropic pessimist like you can be.

- Mhm. - Uhm.

- Shall we go? - Mm-hmm.

[groans] We can't be late, or we'll get another sermon from Miss Fischer's

about non-violent communication.

[♪ mysterious music playing]

[elevator humming]

[whispers] Okay.

[reporter] ...with a devastating disaster.

[sighs in relief]

[reporter] The island, typically a paradise for tourists...

[TV zapping]

[gasps and mumbles]

- It's cool. Don't get up. [Tammo] Apologies...

- Sit down. Tammo! - I-I can't, it's your chair, sir.

[background news chatter]

[exhales shakily]

[Lukas] Look, I, uh... got you something. Huh?

[Lukas sniffles]

- For me? [Lukas] Open it!

I've had them brought from Milan this morning.

- From a small master bakery. - Uh-huh.

They grind their cardamom themselves.

[Tammo grunts happily and sniffs]

In return I'd like you to answer, um... a few tiny little questions about...

- [Tammo] Yeah. - Yeah?

[Tammo while eating] I didn't know you were interested in this end-of-days stuff.

But to be honest, this can get pretty nerdy. Mmm...

But there are some reports that it... Mmm...

it almost happened in the 8th century, but um...

[Lukas] But?

[Tammo] The angels prevented his coming. Uhm...

[noisy munching]

[Lukas] So, the process was interrupted while it was still in the womb?

Apparently, it can be killed as long as it hasn't been born... [groans]

[Lukas] And... what happened to the mother?

[Tammo] I don't think anyone cared about the mother back then.

For the equilibrium of the universe

it was for the best it didn't work out. [inhales]

Pretty cruel times back then, too, y'know?

War, destruction, plague,

the Dark Ages, I would have loved to have been there. [laughs]

But, um... Why are you suddenly interested in this, boss?

[Lukas] Well, uh... [clears throat]

'Cause uh... I watched--

I watched a movie on TV yesterday, The Exorcist.

Uh-huh.

But uh... The Exorcist is about a regular demon, not about the Antichrist.

By the way, there was a great video about that in my last newsletter...

- What's going on here? Tammo? - We were-- [groans]

Nothing. I've um... found a nice body for Samuel.

[Lilith] Just one? I think he should have a few more options to choose from.

You know what he's like, right?

Right, sure, of course. You're right. I...

I'll- I'll go and take care of it right away.

[clears her throat]

[Tammo sighs]

[Lilith] Tammo? Would you stay for a moment?

[screaming on the news]

HEINRICH KRAMER GRAMMAR SCHOOL

[school bell rings]

Did you ever speak to that asshole again, by the way?

That guy is a walking red flag.

He reminded me of that nutritionist I used to date, um...

Fynn, with a "y". [mimicking] Stay hydrated.

[sinister noise]

Why is she staring at us like that? Weird.

[menacing growl]

Why is she losing her mind over this scholarship thing? [scoffs]

I mean, you didn't do anything to her.

[indistinct school chatter]

[menacing growl]

[confused whispers] I kept thinking "This dead woman... [gasp]

[gentle crack]

Oh, my God. What the fuck?

Okay, I guess going to the gym's paid off.

I'll never buy anything off Etsy again. There's no way this is stainless steel.

75 euros!

75 euros!

[wet squelch]

[student] I can't do it... Ugh...

[indistinct chatter]

[Pauline] Look, this is the optic nerve.

[Tony sighs]

[Tony] That's so gross. You're sick. [swallows]

Ugh... [exhales]

Don't worry. I'm sure you're still Miss Fischer's favorite.

Come over to my place if you need some peace and quiet after your surgery.

I could make another batch of that vegan curry

But less spicy this time.

- Thanks for coming with me. [Tony] Of course.

- [student] Miss, I feel nauseous. - [Tony gags]

Not everyone can be as tough as our one and only Pauline.

[Tony] "Our one and only Pauline."

[both chuckle]

[Tony] Ugh... [whispers] Stop it!

[Pauline giggles]

[door closes]

What the fuck? What is he doing here?

Keep dissecting, I'll handle it.

[whispers angrily] Who do you think you are to barge in like this?

- I have... to talk to Pauline. [Tony scoffs] She won't talk to you.

- And you are? - I'm her boyfriend.

[Tony chuckles] Yeah, right!

[Ms. Fischer] You have a... Why didn't you tell me?

Yes, he's uhm... my boyfriend.

- What? - [whispers] I'll explain later.

Coming here is a huge red flag, Pauline.

Surely this can wait until after class, right, Pauline?

Can I just check what this is about?

If you leave, I'll have to mark you as absent for the entire period.

Think about your scholarship. I don't think--

[heartbeat]

[mysterious swoosh and tinkling]

I want you to let us go outside, okay?

And could you give Pauline a really good grade, maybe a B+?

Pauline actually has an A in Biology.

Uhm... Even better. Then I'd say we're all set here, Susanne.

[Ms Fischer chuckles]

All right, you two. Go, go!

I... uh...

[faint classroom chatter]

[door slams]

[Pauline] You better have a good reason for showing up here.

So, what is it?

Well, I have good news and bad news.

Could you not say stuff like that to someone pregnant with a demon?

Sorry. [sighs]

So... Here. I couldn't take a photo.

So I just... tried to draw it from memory. It’s something like that.

[Pauline scoffs] Looks like the bad news to me.

It's the good news. It looks like the abortion thing might work.

It's just going to be a little complicated.

[Britta] Pauline?

[Pauline sighs] Come on. Let's go.

[Britta] Pauline? Hey, wait a minute! Okay, run away all you want.

I know you're a witch! And I'll prove it to everyone.

What you just did with Miss Fischer... I think I can do it, too.

Just with... an evil twist.

Fear Projection. That's a classic.

It's a bit old school, but it can be quite useful.

What? And that's why she thinks you're a witch?

Hey, Pauline, I was being serious yesterday.

If anybody finds out what's going on, we're...

Do you see that woman heading towards us?

She's a demon, just like me. They're everywhere.

And-- when they notice something weird going on, they...

report it to the nearest department office.

You can recognize them by their ugly shoes.

So all demons wear ugly shoes?

No, not all of them. But... yeah, at least at work.

Mm-hmm.

[presenter] Proper work clothing is mandatory...

[Luke] It's an old tutorial. I found it in one of our newsletters.

And you just upload them to YouTube?

Yeah. Sure. I mean... Nobody would believe them anyway.

And you're like the most senior demon?

Actually, that job used to belong to Samuel.

- My brother. - Uhm.

He was extremely ambitious.

My mother even wanted to make him her successor, so she could retire.

- But then... - Something happened to him?

- Yeah. - Hm.

I'll skip this boring organizational part.

It's just-- pff... departments, promotions, travel expense reports...

Oh, this is interesting, look.

...is the appearance of a force. No one knows how many years it might take

for the creature to develop its full powers.

What we do know is that the Antichrist will sooner or later enthrall each

and every human being he encounters.

Therefore we must do all we can

to prevent this power falling into the wrong hands.

Remember: The Universe depends on you.

THE END

[phone clicks]

- That's it. - That's it, really?

Yeah, that's the whole video, that's all we have.

And what about me? And about this thing?

Well, y'know, in theory... Mmm.

[muffled] In theory, that thing inside of you could be this terrible force.

Okay, wait, I'll have to first...

I'm gonna swallow first, okay? Sorry.

I mean...

They say the force is so powerful that it could impose its will on all of mankind.

A kind of collective brainwashing or whatever.

And then we'll all just have to do what it says.

And if my mother gets her hands on it,

she'll definitely try to plunge this world into chaos.

[Pauline scoffs]

I don't think humans need any outside help for that one.

I'm serious, Pauline. That is the worst

that could happen to this world.

[♪ sinister music playing]

But apparently, it's defenseless as long as it's still in your womb.

I guess that's why you've got powers now...

You're basically some sort of... shield or something.

So, whenever you're feeling threatened or scared,

you'll blow a fuse, just like that.

So it’s like I’m-- the Hulk?

- Uh-huh. - Huh...

And... if we want the abortion to work... We'll...

we'll have to make sure that you're able to remain as Tony Stark, basically.

You mean Bruce Banner?

Hm?

Bruce Banner is the Hulk, Tony Stark is Iron Man.

The guy with the suit. [blows]

Oh! The one who can shrink himself to the size of an ant?

Anyway, we just have to make sure that you stay in control.

- Mhm. Yes. Okay. - Yeah...

I don't get why people are so into superhero movies.

[muffled] They're super unrealistic.

[Pauline] Hm...

[Lukas] Hm...

[♪ Magical quest music]

[screams] Aaah!

[loud bang]

Nice try. But that's not the kind of control I was talking about.

A buddy of mine owns this workshop.

He lets me work on cars here sometimes.

Get my hands dirty, you know.

[Pauline] That's why you wear that weird leather jacket.

What do you mean? It's super cool.

Isn't it?

[laughs]

So what do you got?

[♪ electronic upbeat music]

[Lukas] There must be something that'll calm you down.

Where did you get all this stuff?

[Lukas] Contacts.

You were only gone for 10 minutes.

- Cool contacts? - [scoffs]

[Pauline] Aha.

- Propofol. - [Lukas laughs]

I thought we'd start with something a little relaxing.

But if it works, I can ask for general anesthesia tomorrow.

And I mean, what could be more relaxing than Propofol?

It's a bit much.

[sighs]

Cute. I'll do some research first.

Yeah, me too.

[♪ music fades out]

[Lukas sighs]

[♪ electronic upbeat music playing]

Dosage is correct and it only takes a few seconds to work.

Right, and it takes at least 60 months to train to become an anesthesiologist.

[sighs] I just don't want anything to happen to you.

[♪ music stops]

Are you sure you're a demon?

[sighs]

[♪Electronic upbeat music starts again]

[menacing growl]

[objects clattering]

It's awake.

[exhales nervously]

[growling intensify]

[all sounds and music fade out]

So? Are you feeling anything?

Are you all right?

[growling and retching sound]

[Lukas] Okay. I guess drugs are not the way to go.

I'm sorry. I thought I had to burp.

Looks like I'll have to get it under control myself.

[host] Okay. Our next poetry slammer is Christian from Schleusingen.

[audience clapping]

[Christian] Hi. [clears his throat] Hi. My name is Christian.

Sorry, I'm a little nervous...

So this is the place that stresses you out the most, huh?

[audience laughing]

- And why exactly? - Just watch.

Privilege, baby. Privilege, baby.

Just because you have less and enjoy it,

I'm not the one at fault.

Mortgage contracts as heavy as millstones

are dragging me down.

Into mediocrity.

Privilege, baby. Privilege, baby.

[menacing growling]

- Sure, I've got money. - Pauline, you can do it!

But I've also got feelings. Love can't be bought from Apple.

[growling and glass shattering]

Enough. Bruce Banner has just left the building.

- You're going to kill someone. - No! Let me try again, okay?

[Christian] To be honest...

That's why we're here. Control.

[Christian] I'll continue with my next work.

It's called "Growing Pains."

[both breathe deeply]

And it's about my time at a small school in Namibia.

And the death of my cat, Minky.

[glass shattering]

[Christian shrieks]

Come on, guys...

I think we'd better leave.

Being honest, this doesn't feel like a safe space to me.

[indistinct chatter]

[♪ sentimental music playing, The Notwist "The Devil, You + Me"]

♪ We know we're not the smartest ♪

♪ In this place we don't have to be ♪

♪ Lights are out but anyhow This is what they see ♪

♪ It's the devil it's you and me ♪

♪ Bring it on home and keep beds warm ♪

- This is where I live. - Oh.

[voices in the distance]

Fuck! Come here! Quickly, over here!

[Lukas panting]

[Pauline] Who is that? [Lukas] That's my mother.

What is she doing here?

- This building's ours. Shush! - You're Schmidt Inc.?

[Lukas] Shit. It's just a coincidence that she's here right now.

[indistinct chatter]

[Lukas] You need a way to calm down.

Shit! What do you do when you're stressed out?

I don't know. Stare at my fish, eat chocolate, masturbate... Normal stuff!

Maybe think of something nice? Like chocolate?

Maybe really good Swiss chocolate with caramelized Piedmont hazelnuts?

[voice fades] If you let it melt on your tongue...

♪ How long is eternity? ♪

[Lukas in a distorted voice] Sometimes cheap chocolate...

[sinister sound and growl]

[Lukas] But sometimes even... cheap chocolate can be awesome.

[sinister sounds intensify]

[in a video] ♪ Let's go! Nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three... ♪

What are you doing?

♪ So she flies and flies Into unknown skies ♪

♪ Until the world Has vanished from her eyes ♪

[Pauline] ♪ She flies and flies and flies My little rocket ♪

[car engine hum grows louder]

[Tammo] Lilith, we should go.

[man] Allez. There's much to be done.

[Lukas] Oh, shit. [sighs]

Oh, fuck! [sniffles]

[breathes nervously]

[Pauline sighs]

[laughs]

You did it! You can totally handle the hospital tomorrow.

Why didn't you tell me about Schmidt Inc.?

Well, I did say that I... hate my job and that I...

that I'm not proud of what I'm doing.

That's why I didn't tell you.

And you really didn't know about my place?

No. [sighs] We own half the city!

And the fact that Lilith was here of all places, is... pure coincidence.

It's got nothing to do with your place. Don't worry about it.

Hey, but at least we know what you can do at the hospital tomorrow.

That's good.

[Pauline whispers] Yeah.

I'm going in.

[Lukas] I can come if you want.

Uh... To the clinic, I mean.

Please don't.

Fuck!

[vlogger] Something weird happened to me the other day. Um...

It was like someone put a spell on me. Yeah, it wasn't great.

I felt like I was trapped inside a sphere or something,

and there was evil all around me. It was a really traumatic experience.

And I had no idea what was going on.

And it took me a really long time to figure out what this witch had done to me.

And it was actually someone I know pretty well

so it's not like I didn't feel safe around them.

But after this incident,

I knew that I couldn't trust this person anymore. Like at all.

[phone vibrates]

[sighs]

[Tony] He's your boyfriend now, and I don't get any explanation all day?

When Mike and I started dating, I called you two minutes later.

Mike thought it was super unromantic, but best friends confide in each--

[sighs]

What?

[sinister sounds]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! Stop! Stop! Stop!

[otherworldly whispers]

♪ She often looks up to the stars ♪

♪ Wondering how big's the universe ♪

♪ If she finds herself in trouble at school ♪

♪ Or if Daddy's being so uncool ♪

[Jason laughs]

[sighs]

[Pauline] Hey, Tony, I'm really sorry.

I just thought Lukas could help me with something, but you were right.

Trusting him was stupid. And he's not my boyfriend.

[Tony] I'm here if you wanna talk about it, okay?

But if you're coming over, bring snacks. I'm still kinda upset.

[vlogger] It's a known fact within the community.

More people know about this than you could possibly imagine.

Stay vigilant. You never know who might be one of them, there's no way to be sure.

In many cases, it's the people you would least suspect.

[♪ ethereal music playing]

[faint indistinct chattering]

[music and chatter fade]

[Paulin hums a song]

[♪ trap music through headphones]

[Pauline] Hi, Remmi.

[Remko] Stop, please! Leave me alone! You can't do that!

[man] Open the fucking cash register!

[Remko groans]

[faint music from headphones]

[man] Just do it! [Remko] No, stop it! [whimpers]

[man] What? [Remko] Wait, no, no, no, no!

[thud and shouts]

[Pauline pants and groans]

[Pauline] Hey!

Who are you? You get what's happening here, right?

[otherworldly growl and whispers]

[explosion]

Fuck. Get out of my way and get lost!

Zombie girl!

[man in a distorted voice] She just abandoned me there.

I waited nine hours for my Mom to come back.

But she didn't come back. She didn't!

Mommy. Mommy! Mommy!

[whimpers]

What-- What was that?

[high-pitch white noise]

[♪ sad music playing]

[Remko groans]

[insistent door knocking]

[Tony in a distorted voice] What's wrong?

[Pauline sniffs]

Pauli?

Pauli?

Pauli, what... What's wrong? [in normal voice] Pauli!

[breathes heavily]

I have a monster in my womb.

And I'm starting to think that I'll be stuck with it, Tony.

Everything's okay. Being scared is totally normal.

- You don't g-- [Mike] Hey, you.

Oh, sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.

If you have to talk privately, I can just...

[Pauline] No, no. No.

[sighs] Could I just get a hug, please guys?

[Tony] Sure.

[♪ soft celestial female vocals]

[heavy breathing]

[doctor] Hello, Ms. Alkesh... Alkshesterle?

Hello! We're ready for you.

Don't worry. This is a piece of cake. You'll feel eight grams lighter soon.

[cardiac monitor beeping]

[Jason] ♪ Dinosaurs, biology ♪

[both] ♪ Even archeology ♪

[Jason] ♪ Other girls play princess games ♪

[young Pauline] ♪ You need to use your brains ♪

[Jason] We do, what do you think?

[Jason] ♪ She often looks up to the stars ♪

[both] ♪ Wondering how big's the universe ♪

[Jason] ♪ If she's in trouble-- ♪

[doctor] Are you all right? It'll be over in a second.

[young Pauline] ♪ ...being so uncool ♪

[young Pauline] ♪ Her head is filled with great ideas ♪

[Jason] ♪ Though her room is not the tidiest... ♪

[Carla] I told you so! [Jason] Didn't see it coming.

[Carla] Yep.

[Jason laughing] Let's check in on our little one.

[Carla] Yeah, okay. Let's do it.

- Try to focus for a sec, will you? - [Carla chuckles]

- What do you say? - Sure, I can do it.

[♪ peaceful music]

[young Pauline] ♪ How long is eternity? ♪

[metal cluttering]

[Jason] ♪ ...how to ride a bike ♪

♪ And when you first took off your training wheels ♪

♪ And you just rode your-- ♪

[♪ music stops]

[Pauline] Hello?

Hello!

[shattering noises]

[sinister sounds]

[nurse whimpers]

[gory sloshing sound]

[shrieks and whimpers]

[whimpers and shrieks]

[Pauline breathes frantically]

[Pauline pants and gasps]

[whimpers]

[Pauline pants]

[screaming] Help!

[elevator dings]

[Lukas] Hey, Tony.

Why are you here?

- [Lukas] "Happy Birthday"? - Happy Abortion Day was sold out.

[menacing sounds]

[Pauline sobs]

[♪ tense pounding music]

[breathes frantically]

You don't like me, I know that.

It's not that hard to tell, is it?

Our lives were just a lot better before you showed up.

And I'm so glad things are going back to how they were.

Yes, I hope they do.

Good thing I'm here, in case something happens.

It's a routine procedure. What could possibly go wrong?

[sinister sounds]

[wind whirling]

[Pauline breathes shakily]

You don't even know Pauline.

I know her a little.

- Yeah? What's her favorite color? - Brown?

[breathes shakily]

[groans]

[gasps]

[screams]

Okay. Blue, then.

[Tony] Pauli!

Pauli!

[Tony sobs]

[Tony bawls]

[Jason] ♪ She flies and flies and flies My... ♪

[Carla] Happy Birthday! Yeah!

[Lukas] What's that?

My mother is the devil. It will mess up everything. You don't get it.

[gasps loudly]

[otherworldly whispers]

[bone cracks]

[groans]

[sighs and clears her throat]

I think we owe you an explanation.

[sniffs]

[♪ wondrous orchestral music playing]

Subtitles by: Francesca Villa