All language subtitles for Hacks (2021) - 03x07 - The Deborah Vance Christmas Spectacular.SuccessfulCrab

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:38,742 --> 00:00:41,243 Do you have a loose pelvic floor? 2 00:00:41,244 --> 00:00:42,661 Excuse me? 3 00:00:42,662 --> 00:00:44,205 The thing is, there's a lot of money 4 00:00:44,206 --> 00:00:45,539 in pharmaceutical ads, but you have to have 5 00:00:45,540 --> 00:00:46,874 the condition they treat 6 00:00:46,875 --> 00:00:48,542 in order to legally endorse them. 7 00:00:48,543 --> 00:00:51,879 Uh, no, I do not have a loose pelvic floor. 8 00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,882 - Congratulations. - OK. Irritable bowel syndrome. 9 00:00:54,883 --> 00:00:57,051 - No. - You never walk with a walker. 10 00:00:57,052 --> 00:00:58,177 No, you're not blind. 11 00:00:58,178 --> 00:00:59,595 Um, Von Willebrand's? 12 00:00:59,596 --> 00:01:01,263 I don't even know what that is. 13 00:01:01,264 --> 00:01:02,765 - OK, so maybe you have it. - We can get you tested. 14 00:01:02,766 --> 00:01:04,016 Because if you don't know what it is, 15 00:01:04,017 --> 00:01:05,392 - we should get you tested. - OK. 16 00:01:05,393 --> 00:01:06,435 Let's just circle that as a maybe. 17 00:01:06,436 --> 00:01:08,020 - OK. - OK. Uh, bacne? 18 00:01:08,021 --> 00:01:09,230 Little pimples all over your back and your butt? 19 00:01:09,231 --> 00:01:10,397 - No. - Oh, herpes? 20 00:01:10,398 --> 00:01:12,107 - Herpes? - Herpes is young. 21 00:01:12,108 --> 00:01:13,359 - Could be oral. - OK. 22 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:14,360 Everybody has herpes. 23 00:01:14,361 --> 00:01:17,363 Stop. Stop. 24 00:01:17,364 --> 00:01:18,572 This is so depressing. 25 00:01:18,573 --> 00:01:20,324 Clinically depressing? 26 00:01:20,325 --> 00:01:21,742 You feel like it's a medical issue? 27 00:01:21,743 --> 00:01:23,536 'Cause we could use that. 28 00:01:23,537 --> 00:01:24,995 How often are the happy days? 29 00:01:24,996 --> 00:01:27,039 - Jesus. - OK. Sorry. 30 00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:29,833 Thank you. 31 00:01:29,834 --> 00:01:31,335 Mm. 32 00:01:31,336 --> 00:01:33,546 I hate seeing my girlina so sad. 33 00:01:33,547 --> 00:01:34,713 God, this is so annoying. 34 00:01:34,714 --> 00:01:36,966 I hate giving up. We were so close. 35 00:01:36,967 --> 00:01:38,217 Nobody hates it more than me. 36 00:01:38,218 --> 00:01:39,593 But it's over, Jimbo. 37 00:01:39,594 --> 00:01:41,011 It's a done deal. 38 00:01:41,012 --> 00:01:42,555 You know what? No. 39 00:01:42,556 --> 00:01:45,683 It's not over until Jack Danby is on the air. 40 00:01:45,684 --> 00:01:47,101 Damn straight. 41 00:01:47,102 --> 00:01:48,852 We can sabotage. 42 00:01:48,853 --> 00:01:51,105 I can find some dirt on him to scare off the network. 43 00:01:51,106 --> 00:01:52,439 Mm. 44 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:53,941 He's probably a nasty, nasty boy. 45 00:01:53,942 --> 00:01:55,401 Probably can't even come 46 00:01:55,402 --> 00:01:56,944 without a fucking gun in his mouth. 47 00:01:56,945 --> 00:01:59,280 Yikes. Excuse me? 48 00:01:59,281 --> 00:02:02,074 I got this, my friend. 49 00:02:02,075 --> 00:02:04,076 Whoo! 50 00:02:04,077 --> 00:02:05,661 It's gonna be good! 51 00:02:05,662 --> 00:02:07,955 Kayla, you left your notebook and your... 52 00:02:07,956 --> 00:02:10,624 your bag with your phone and your inhaler. 53 00:02:19,926 --> 00:02:21,969 Ava! Ava! 54 00:02:21,970 --> 00:02:24,805 Mom, I've been waiting for 40 minutes. 55 00:02:24,806 --> 00:02:28,475 I was playing slots in the airport. 56 00:02:28,476 --> 00:02:29,643 How Vegas is that? 57 00:02:29,644 --> 00:02:31,228 - I love it here. - Oh. 58 00:02:31,229 --> 00:02:32,897 Should I move here to be closer to you? 59 00:02:32,898 --> 00:02:34,940 Mom, I'm moving back to LA in two weeks, 60 00:02:34,941 --> 00:02:36,442 and you've only seen the airport. 61 00:02:36,443 --> 00:02:38,569 Right. Oh, and I brought your old 62 00:02:38,570 --> 00:02:40,237 Abercrombie and Fitch miniskirts. 63 00:02:40,238 --> 00:02:41,822 Why? 64 00:02:41,823 --> 00:02:43,991 Those are linked to incredibly painful memories. 65 00:02:43,992 --> 00:02:45,492 Well, I was gonna throw them away, 66 00:02:45,493 --> 00:02:48,162 but Priya says they're back in style. 67 00:02:48,163 --> 00:02:49,580 Who's Priya? 68 00:02:49,581 --> 00:02:51,541 She's my roommate. 69 00:02:53,585 --> 00:02:55,169 Mom, what? 70 00:02:55,170 --> 00:02:57,504 Ever since the Vibamins class action suit 71 00:02:57,505 --> 00:02:59,590 didn't go my way, I have started 72 00:02:59,591 --> 00:03:01,926 renting your room for passive income. 73 00:03:01,927 --> 00:03:03,594 OK. 74 00:03:03,595 --> 00:03:05,888 Anyway, Priya's from Bangladesh. 75 00:03:05,889 --> 00:03:07,514 She's getting her graduate degree 76 00:03:07,515 --> 00:03:08,974 in biochemistry from Brandeis. 77 00:03:08,975 --> 00:03:10,643 She's a genius. 78 00:03:10,644 --> 00:03:12,144 - Cool. - Yeah, it's working out great. 79 00:03:12,145 --> 00:03:13,979 She does the cooking, I do the cleaning, 80 00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:15,940 and then we go to a fun new restaurant every Wednesday. 81 00:03:15,941 --> 00:03:17,775 I always thought restaurants were a waste of money, 82 00:03:17,776 --> 00:03:19,526 but they're fun! 83 00:03:19,527 --> 00:03:21,362 - Yeah, restaurants are good. - Yeah. 84 00:03:21,363 --> 00:03:24,031 Oh, before I forget, Deborah's a size 7 shoe, right? 85 00:03:24,032 --> 00:03:26,325 That's what celebfeetfacts.com says. 86 00:03:26,326 --> 00:03:28,619 Mom, please tell me you didn't buy Deborah shoes. 87 00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:30,204 No, slippers. 88 00:03:30,205 --> 00:03:32,164 Everyone loves a Christmas slipper, everybody. 89 00:03:32,165 --> 00:03:34,041 And I needed to thank her for inviting me 90 00:03:34,042 --> 00:03:36,293 after I texted her that I wanted to come. 91 00:03:36,294 --> 00:03:38,379 What? 92 00:03:38,380 --> 00:03:40,214 Oh... oh, my God, she's flipping us... 93 00:03:40,215 --> 00:03:41,924 - Whoa. - Ava, drive! Drive! 94 00:03:41,925 --> 00:03:43,467 - I'm trying! - She... look! 95 00:03:43,468 --> 00:03:44,802 No, fuck you! 96 00:03:44,803 --> 00:03:46,554 - Sorry. Sorry. - God! 97 00:03:46,555 --> 00:03:48,514 It's Christmas, you motherfucker! 98 00:03:51,393 --> 00:03:54,562 You've been waking up when your alarm goes off, right, sweetie? 99 00:03:54,563 --> 00:03:56,689 Yeah, I'm doing really good. 100 00:03:56,690 --> 00:03:59,733 Hard to believe, working for that backstabbing bastard. 101 00:03:59,734 --> 00:04:01,860 He is not a bastard, Daddy. 102 00:04:01,861 --> 00:04:04,029 He's a great guy and an amazing boss. 103 00:04:04,030 --> 00:04:05,072 I love Jimmy. 104 00:04:05,073 --> 00:04:06,699 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 105 00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:08,534 But you're doing really, really good. 106 00:04:08,535 --> 00:04:11,078 I heard Jack Danby's about to be the new late night host. 107 00:04:11,079 --> 00:04:13,789 Let's celebrate that. 108 00:04:13,790 --> 00:04:16,500 Well, that's a relief, to be honest. 109 00:04:16,501 --> 00:04:18,294 Why? Sexual assaulter? 110 00:04:18,295 --> 00:04:19,461 Worse. 111 00:04:19,462 --> 00:04:21,422 Wannabe dramatic actor. 112 00:04:21,423 --> 00:04:24,925 Why is it that every comedian wants to do some sappy drama? 113 00:04:24,926 --> 00:04:26,677 If you want to be gay, just be gay. 114 00:04:26,678 --> 00:04:27,928 - Gays rock. - Mm. 115 00:04:27,929 --> 00:04:29,346 Get this. 116 00:04:29,347 --> 00:04:31,891 He wanted to do a Fatty Arbuckle biopic. 117 00:04:31,892 --> 00:04:33,350 Who? 118 00:04:33,351 --> 00:04:35,185 Fatty Arbuckle. 119 00:04:35,186 --> 00:04:37,771 He was the biggest movie star in the world in the 1920s, 120 00:04:37,772 --> 00:04:38,772 in the silent era. 121 00:04:38,773 --> 00:04:40,399 He was a comedian. 122 00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,151 Well, Jack's been on me for years 123 00:04:42,152 --> 00:04:44,695 to try to get the rights from the weird Arbuckle family. 124 00:04:44,696 --> 00:04:46,906 Thank God I convinced him to take this new gig. 125 00:04:46,907 --> 00:04:49,158 - He let that go. - Hmm. 126 00:04:49,159 --> 00:04:51,493 Why is it that every single client 127 00:04:51,494 --> 00:04:52,953 that keeps the lights on has to be 128 00:04:52,954 --> 00:04:54,205 the biggest pain in the ass? 129 00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:56,457 Oh, God, tell me about it! 130 00:04:56,458 --> 00:04:58,375 ACAB... All Clients Are Bastards. 131 00:05:00,629 --> 00:05:02,546 I'm surprised you wrap your own gifts. 132 00:05:02,547 --> 00:05:04,298 Nobody does French edges like I do. 133 00:05:04,299 --> 00:05:07,385 You could put somebody's eye out with my corners. 134 00:05:09,137 --> 00:05:11,014 So, um, 135 00:05:12,515 --> 00:05:15,893 Kathy's definitely coming? 136 00:05:15,894 --> 00:05:17,811 Yes. 137 00:05:17,812 --> 00:05:19,605 How are you feeling about that? 138 00:05:19,606 --> 00:05:21,023 Don't have any feelings about it. 139 00:05:21,024 --> 00:05:22,149 I'm doing it for DJ. 140 00:05:22,150 --> 00:05:25,152 OK. Well, I'm nervous. 141 00:05:25,153 --> 00:05:27,488 Don't be silly. It's Christmas. 142 00:05:27,489 --> 00:05:29,907 We'll be cordial, I'll be a fabulous host, 143 00:05:29,908 --> 00:05:32,243 and that'll be that. 144 00:05:32,244 --> 00:05:34,453 Hey, Deborah, the caterers are asking 145 00:05:34,454 --> 00:05:36,747 if you want hard sauce on the figgy pudding. 146 00:05:36,748 --> 00:05:38,332 - Yeah. - Great. 147 00:05:38,333 --> 00:05:41,460 I will make sure it's hard on the day. 148 00:05:41,461 --> 00:05:43,671 You're making Damien work on Christmas? 149 00:05:43,672 --> 00:05:45,297 He doesn't celebrate Christmas. 150 00:05:45,298 --> 00:05:47,216 He's a Jehovah's Witness. That's why I hired him. 151 00:05:47,217 --> 00:05:48,676 He doesn't do holidays, birthdays. 152 00:05:48,677 --> 00:05:50,094 It's fantastic. 153 00:05:50,095 --> 00:05:52,054 You need to get religion to work for you 154 00:05:52,055 --> 00:05:54,223 when you're trying to get around labor laws. 155 00:05:54,224 --> 00:05:55,432 Write that down. 156 00:05:57,185 --> 00:05:58,978 I don't think you want that paper trail. 157 00:05:58,979 --> 00:06:01,439 Fingers crossed. 158 00:06:03,775 --> 00:06:05,109 No solicitation. 159 00:06:05,110 --> 00:06:07,319 I'm a registered independent. 160 00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:08,946 Oh, no, we're not solicitors. 161 00:06:08,947 --> 00:06:11,156 We're looking for a Mr. Larry Arbuckle, sir. 162 00:06:11,157 --> 00:06:12,825 That's me. What do you want? 163 00:06:12,826 --> 00:06:14,285 Well, my name is Jimmy LuSaque Jr., 164 00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:15,703 and this is Kayla Schaefer. 165 00:06:15,704 --> 00:06:17,621 And we were hoping to talk to you 166 00:06:17,622 --> 00:06:19,748 about a potential film project about your grandfather, Fatty. 167 00:06:19,749 --> 00:06:22,960 I already told producers I'm not interested. 168 00:06:22,961 --> 00:06:25,254 But did those producers come right up to your door, sir? 169 00:06:25,255 --> 00:06:27,464 No! Which I appreciated. 170 00:06:27,465 --> 00:06:29,675 Well, it's only because we are so passionate. 171 00:06:29,676 --> 00:06:31,552 And we really think you should hear us out. 172 00:06:31,553 --> 00:06:33,804 If you could just give us two minutes of your time to talk. 173 00:06:33,805 --> 00:06:35,973 I'm busy today. 174 00:06:35,974 --> 00:06:40,060 But you can come back, uh, Monday, 2:00 p.m. 175 00:06:40,061 --> 00:06:42,730 Great. Oh, you know what? Monday's Christmas Day. 176 00:06:42,731 --> 00:06:45,107 That's the day I'm available. 177 00:06:45,108 --> 00:06:46,567 Goodbye. 178 00:06:46,568 --> 00:06:48,694 Hmm. 179 00:06:48,695 --> 00:06:50,487 Must be Jewish. 180 00:06:50,488 --> 00:06:52,031 But no mezuzah. 181 00:06:52,032 --> 00:06:53,449 That's weird. 182 00:06:53,450 --> 00:06:55,784 - You know, the Jewish thing on the door? - Yeah, yeah. 183 00:07:11,551 --> 00:07:16,222 Nutcrackers! 184 00:07:16,223 --> 00:07:17,598 I just think it looks weird 185 00:07:17,599 --> 00:07:19,225 when a baby doesn't have pierced ears. 186 00:07:19,226 --> 00:07:21,060 Babe, oh, my God. 187 00:07:21,061 --> 00:07:23,562 I'm nervous. I'm really nervous. 188 00:07:23,563 --> 00:07:25,814 - Have you ever met Kathy? - I feel like I have. 189 00:07:25,815 --> 00:07:27,816 Deborah made me go through her childhood photos 190 00:07:27,817 --> 00:07:30,194 and scratch all her eyes out. 191 00:07:33,448 --> 00:07:36,617 Excuse me. I'll get the door. 192 00:07:50,590 --> 00:07:52,049 - Mayor's here! - Oh, Jesus. 193 00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:54,218 Oh, no. That's the birthday boy, right? 194 00:07:56,012 --> 00:07:57,680 Hey, listen, I'm just swinging by. 195 00:07:57,681 --> 00:07:59,974 I gotta be at the children's hospital in an hour. 196 00:07:59,975 --> 00:08:02,768 But I did not want to miss your famous baked brie. 197 00:08:02,769 --> 00:08:05,604 Don't tell me where it is. I can smell it. 198 00:08:05,605 --> 00:08:06,940 Hi, Debbie. 199 00:08:09,526 --> 00:08:10,734 Kathy, hi. 200 00:08:10,735 --> 00:08:11,819 Come in. 201 00:08:11,820 --> 00:08:13,529 OK. 202 00:08:13,530 --> 00:08:15,698 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. 203 00:08:15,699 --> 00:08:16,991 How was your flight? 204 00:08:16,992 --> 00:08:19,243 Oh, it was... it was OK. 205 00:08:19,244 --> 00:08:20,661 Good. Excellent. 206 00:08:20,662 --> 00:08:22,246 Good, good, good. 207 00:08:22,247 --> 00:08:23,789 Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no! 208 00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:25,457 Here. Damien! 209 00:08:25,458 --> 00:08:26,876 No, no, no, no, no, no, no. 210 00:08:26,877 --> 00:08:28,210 Barry, Cara, no, stop! 211 00:08:28,211 --> 00:08:30,087 I am... I am so sorry. 212 00:08:30,088 --> 00:08:32,298 Psst, psst. Hey! Hello. 213 00:08:32,299 --> 00:08:33,424 Come on. Come on. 214 00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:34,967 Wow. 215 00:08:34,968 --> 00:08:36,510 It's almost like they were trained to do that. 216 00:08:36,511 --> 00:08:38,929 They were. 217 00:08:38,930 --> 00:08:41,348 Well, thank you for inviting me. 218 00:08:41,349 --> 00:08:42,808 I really appreciate the invitation. 219 00:08:42,809 --> 00:08:44,143 Sure. 220 00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:45,853 To start with, I just want to say, 221 00:08:45,854 --> 00:08:47,688 - I hope that tonight we can... - Can I take your things? 222 00:08:47,689 --> 00:08:48,689 Oh. 223 00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:49,773 Sure, of course. 224 00:08:49,774 --> 00:08:50,858 Thank you. 225 00:08:50,859 --> 00:08:51,985 Be right back. 226 00:09:14,216 --> 00:09:16,133 Should we join the other fabulous guests? 227 00:09:16,134 --> 00:09:19,428 Yes. 228 00:09:19,429 --> 00:09:21,180 Oh! 229 00:09:21,181 --> 00:09:23,057 Is this a replica of your house? 230 00:09:23,058 --> 00:09:25,601 Yes, it is. To scale, and edible. 231 00:09:25,602 --> 00:09:26,685 Fun! 232 00:09:26,686 --> 00:09:28,270 Isn't it? 233 00:09:28,271 --> 00:09:29,730 Oh, there she is. 234 00:09:29,731 --> 00:09:32,233 Oh! Merry Christmas, honey. 235 00:09:32,234 --> 00:09:34,401 - Hi! - Oh, look at you. 236 00:09:34,402 --> 00:09:35,903 - You're glowing. - Oh, no. 237 00:09:35,904 --> 00:09:37,238 Actually, I'm just really sweaty. 238 00:09:37,239 --> 00:09:38,739 But thank you. 239 00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:41,200 Kathy, this is Aidan, DJ's husband. 240 00:09:41,201 --> 00:09:43,160 - Nice to see you again. - We've met. Hi. 241 00:09:43,161 --> 00:09:44,495 - Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas. 242 00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:45,579 - Oh. - Yeah, well, they met... 243 00:09:45,580 --> 00:09:46,747 they've met once. 244 00:09:46,748 --> 00:09:48,165 - They met one time. - Yeah. 245 00:09:48,166 --> 00:09:49,750 Oh, I didn't know. 246 00:09:49,751 --> 00:09:51,418 Well, then you know what a great guy he is. 247 00:09:51,419 --> 00:09:53,587 I love my big son. 248 00:09:53,588 --> 00:09:55,422 Aww, Mom. 249 00:09:55,423 --> 00:09:57,467 Your what? 250 00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,344 I'll be home in time for dinner, Mom. 251 00:10:00,345 --> 00:10:02,054 I just have to convince someone to let a comedian 252 00:10:02,055 --> 00:10:04,014 make a biopic of his grandfather's story 253 00:10:04,015 --> 00:10:07,268 so another comedian can get that first comedian's job. 254 00:10:07,269 --> 00:10:08,936 It does make sense. 255 00:10:08,937 --> 00:10:11,772 I gotta go. Love you. Bye. 256 00:10:11,773 --> 00:10:14,191 You forget how to knock on a door? 257 00:10:14,192 --> 00:10:15,901 Come in! 258 00:10:15,902 --> 00:10:16,902 Thank you. 259 00:10:16,903 --> 00:10:18,487 Keep your shoes on. 260 00:10:18,488 --> 00:10:20,197 Will do. OK. 261 00:10:20,198 --> 00:10:21,448 Planning on it. 262 00:10:21,449 --> 00:10:24,493 Wow. This is so beautiful. 263 00:10:24,494 --> 00:10:27,162 Ugh, so old-world. I love older homes. 264 00:10:27,163 --> 00:10:28,289 You know, so much character. 265 00:10:28,290 --> 00:10:29,498 Oh, yes. 266 00:10:29,499 --> 00:10:31,000 - Creaky. - Yeah. 267 00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:33,127 So, um, is it just you here? 268 00:10:33,128 --> 00:10:35,087 Oh, no. You have to meet Sasha. 269 00:10:35,088 --> 00:10:36,172 Follow me. 270 00:10:39,509 --> 00:10:41,427 Sasha could be a Jewish name. 271 00:10:41,428 --> 00:10:43,470 What is this? Stop. 272 00:10:45,974 --> 00:10:48,142 Oh, Deborah, I met your sister. 273 00:10:48,143 --> 00:10:50,436 She is so funny. 274 00:10:50,437 --> 00:10:52,313 - She is? - Yes. 275 00:10:52,314 --> 00:10:54,273 Guess it runs in the family, huh? 276 00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:59,236 Oh, boots! 277 00:10:59,237 --> 00:11:00,738 - Oh, oh! - Oh, my God. 278 00:11:00,739 --> 00:11:02,990 - I know those boots. - Oh, who could this be? 279 00:11:02,991 --> 00:11:04,325 Oh, my God. 280 00:11:04,326 --> 00:11:06,535 A visitor from the North Pole! 281 00:11:06,536 --> 00:11:09,371 It's Santa! 282 00:11:09,372 --> 00:11:12,625 This is my favorite house on my entire route. 283 00:11:12,626 --> 00:11:14,084 Santa had such a good time last year, 284 00:11:14,085 --> 00:11:15,461 he skipped South America. 285 00:11:18,131 --> 00:11:20,132 OK, it's time for everybody's Christmas portrait 286 00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:21,926 before the dinner bloat sets in. 287 00:11:21,927 --> 00:11:23,969 Need a blotting tissue? Blotting tissue? 288 00:11:23,970 --> 00:11:26,096 DJ, sweetie, come sit on Mommy's lap. 289 00:11:26,097 --> 00:11:28,724 - What? - It's a tradition. 290 00:11:28,725 --> 00:11:30,267 Last time I sat on your lap, I was eight 291 00:11:30,268 --> 00:11:31,894 and you said I had a bony ass. 292 00:11:31,895 --> 00:11:33,771 Well, you did. 293 00:11:33,772 --> 00:11:36,565 Oh, no, no. You look great. 294 00:11:36,566 --> 00:11:38,859 Cheese! 295 00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:40,778 - OK, should we do a silly one? - No. 296 00:11:40,779 --> 00:11:41,987 We're on a really tight schedule. 297 00:11:41,988 --> 00:11:43,280 Santa, proceed. 298 00:11:43,281 --> 00:11:46,325 Oh, Santa's got Dyson Airwraps 299 00:11:46,326 --> 00:11:48,702 for all the good little boys and girls. 300 00:11:48,703 --> 00:11:50,204 Wow! 301 00:11:50,205 --> 00:11:51,997 Hey, what are you talking about? 302 00:11:51,998 --> 00:11:53,541 You're bald. No, I'll take it. 303 00:11:53,542 --> 00:11:56,043 It's for my mother. It's for my mother. 304 00:11:56,044 --> 00:11:57,169 Dive! 305 00:11:57,170 --> 00:11:58,879 Dive, Sasha! 306 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,047 Dive! 307 00:12:00,048 --> 00:12:01,507 - Oh, wow! - Oh, sister! 308 00:12:01,508 --> 00:12:03,884 Oh, she is majestic. 309 00:12:03,885 --> 00:12:06,136 - Look at that gorgeous bird. - Oh, my God. 310 00:12:06,137 --> 00:12:07,846 Um, would you like to take her, though? 311 00:12:07,847 --> 00:12:10,516 - Do you want to... - No, she loves you. 312 00:12:10,517 --> 00:12:12,810 Oh, yeah. She's obsessed with you, Jimmy. 313 00:12:12,811 --> 00:12:14,937 Remember when the Olsen twins were obsessed with you? 314 00:12:14,938 --> 00:12:16,689 The Olsen twins were obsessed with him. 315 00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:18,524 - Oh. - Yeah, it was very sweet. 316 00:12:18,525 --> 00:12:20,651 Anyway, um, the reason we came here today is, 317 00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:22,528 we want to talk about your grandfather's story. 318 00:12:22,529 --> 00:12:24,321 - Oh. - There is an amazing 319 00:12:24,322 --> 00:12:25,823 comedic artist, Jack Danby, 320 00:12:25,824 --> 00:12:27,616 and he's really interested in telling it. 321 00:12:27,617 --> 00:12:31,537 I don't want anyone telling my grandfather's story. 322 00:12:32,873 --> 00:12:34,498 Because the truth is, 323 00:12:34,499 --> 00:12:37,042 I've already told it. 324 00:12:37,043 --> 00:12:38,919 What do you mean? 325 00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,922 I wrote my own screenplay. 326 00:12:41,923 --> 00:12:43,257 - Oh. - Well... 327 00:12:43,258 --> 00:12:45,175 - OK. - I would love to read it. 328 00:12:45,176 --> 00:12:46,927 You want to read it? 329 00:12:46,928 --> 00:12:48,095 I would be honored. 330 00:12:48,096 --> 00:12:51,932 OK, then let's go. 331 00:12:51,933 --> 00:12:54,685 You ever watch birds have sex on a live cam? 332 00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:57,021 - Kayla... - What? I'm just curious. 333 00:12:57,022 --> 00:12:58,898 OK, how did you get this way? 334 00:13:07,449 --> 00:13:08,908 Hi there. 335 00:13:08,909 --> 00:13:10,868 I think dinner is being served. 336 00:13:10,869 --> 00:13:12,203 Oh, OK. 337 00:13:12,204 --> 00:13:13,495 Thank you. 338 00:13:13,496 --> 00:13:15,497 Sorry, I don't think we've met. 339 00:13:15,498 --> 00:13:16,999 I'm Ava. I write for Deborah. 340 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,751 Oh, nice to meet you. I'm Kathy. 341 00:13:18,752 --> 00:13:19,919 You too. 342 00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,254 I sent her this a while ago. 343 00:13:22,255 --> 00:13:25,257 I... I didn't even think she'd open it. 344 00:13:25,258 --> 00:13:28,219 Yeah, I remember. 345 00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:30,721 She was really happy that you did. 346 00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:31,931 Really? 347 00:13:31,932 --> 00:13:34,099 Yeah. 348 00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:35,852 Hmm. 349 00:13:37,646 --> 00:13:38,729 Should we... 350 00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:40,105 Sure. 351 00:13:40,106 --> 00:13:42,149 It's the 13th door on the right. 352 00:13:42,150 --> 00:13:44,235 I'll just follow you. 353 00:13:44,236 --> 00:13:45,611 Yeah. 354 00:13:49,866 --> 00:13:52,493 My life's work. 355 00:13:52,494 --> 00:13:53,911 - Wow. - Thick. 356 00:13:53,912 --> 00:13:54,995 OK. 357 00:13:54,996 --> 00:13:56,330 - Very heavy. - Yeah. 358 00:13:56,331 --> 00:13:58,249 Um, well, OK. Thank you so much. 359 00:13:58,250 --> 00:14:00,125 I'm very excited to read this over break. 360 00:14:00,126 --> 00:14:02,002 No! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. 361 00:14:02,003 --> 00:14:03,921 That's my only copy. 362 00:14:03,922 --> 00:14:06,924 If you read it, you have to read it here. 363 00:14:06,925 --> 00:14:07,925 Oh. 364 00:14:07,926 --> 00:14:08,968 Um, now? 365 00:14:08,969 --> 00:14:10,844 Yes, Jim. 366 00:14:10,845 --> 00:14:12,638 OK. Um, sure. 367 00:14:12,639 --> 00:14:13,931 Yeah, I could do that. 368 00:14:13,932 --> 00:14:14,974 Yeah, quick reader. 369 00:14:14,975 --> 00:14:17,309 Tremendous! Ha. 370 00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:19,395 I'll go check on the lamb. 371 00:14:19,396 --> 00:14:21,605 - Huh? - The lamb? 372 00:14:21,606 --> 00:14:24,275 It is Christmas, after all. 373 00:14:24,276 --> 00:14:27,444 Oh, yeah. 374 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,615 Oh, shit. 375 00:14:31,616 --> 00:14:32,700 My mom just texted, "I'm pissed." 376 00:14:32,701 --> 00:14:34,159 That means she's pissed. 377 00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,661 Now he wants us to eat with him? 378 00:14:35,662 --> 00:14:36,745 Oh, my God. 379 00:14:36,746 --> 00:14:38,497 Jimmy, he's not Jewish! 380 00:14:38,498 --> 00:14:40,207 OK, Kayla, nobody else is thinking about 381 00:14:40,208 --> 00:14:41,834 if he's Jewish or not, OK? 382 00:14:41,835 --> 00:14:44,336 This is making me feel uncomfortable. 383 00:14:44,337 --> 00:14:45,462 Oh, my God, what the hell? 384 00:14:45,463 --> 00:14:46,630 I'm not antisemitic. 385 00:14:46,631 --> 00:14:48,299 Is that what you're implying? 386 00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,217 I had a bat mitzvah, and I'm not even fucking Jewish. 387 00:14:50,218 --> 00:14:51,677 Wait, what? 388 00:14:51,678 --> 00:14:53,220 Well, everybody else was having one. 389 00:14:53,221 --> 00:14:55,389 - Am I gonna not have one? - Yeah! 390 00:14:55,390 --> 00:14:57,558 Also, I was at that bat mitzvah. 391 00:14:57,559 --> 00:14:59,310 - I have a T-shirt. - Yeah, and you had a lot 392 00:14:59,311 --> 00:15:00,895 of fun on the dance floor, so you're welcome. 393 00:15:00,896 --> 00:15:02,563 Yeah, because I thought I was at a bat mitzvah, 394 00:15:02,564 --> 00:15:04,690 a legit bat mitzvah, a real Jewish bat mitzvah. 395 00:15:04,691 --> 00:15:07,902 But no, I was at a gentile's costume party of a bat mitzvah? 396 00:15:07,903 --> 00:15:09,820 - That is bad. - Whatever. 397 00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:12,865 The point is, he's not Jewish. He's lonely. 398 00:15:12,866 --> 00:15:14,575 He doesn't want to spend Christmas alone. 399 00:15:14,576 --> 00:15:16,201 That's why he's trying to get us to stay here 400 00:15:16,202 --> 00:15:17,703 and read his script and eat his lamb 401 00:15:17,704 --> 00:15:19,622 and play with his crazy bird. 402 00:15:19,623 --> 00:15:21,665 It's actually really sad. I feel like I'm gonna cry. 403 00:15:21,666 --> 00:15:24,168 Oh, that is really sad. 404 00:15:24,169 --> 00:15:28,214 The lamb has still got a little life yet. 405 00:15:29,341 --> 00:15:31,467 Do you like the title page? 406 00:15:31,468 --> 00:15:32,885 I do. 407 00:15:32,886 --> 00:15:37,014 Um, so my mom actually loves lamb. 408 00:15:37,015 --> 00:15:38,682 And I was wondering, I don't know, 409 00:15:38,683 --> 00:15:40,434 would you ever consider coming with me 410 00:15:40,435 --> 00:15:42,061 to her house for Christmas? 411 00:15:42,062 --> 00:15:44,355 I could read the script in the car on the way. 412 00:15:44,356 --> 00:15:45,898 You know what? 413 00:15:45,899 --> 00:15:47,608 Yes. 414 00:15:47,609 --> 00:15:50,527 We can spend Christmas together. 415 00:15:50,528 --> 00:15:53,030 - We? - My parents are in Aspen. 416 00:15:53,031 --> 00:15:54,782 They forgot to text me. 417 00:15:54,783 --> 00:15:59,119 So as you're reading it, for Fatty's wife, 418 00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:02,957 I'm thinking either Kathy Bates 419 00:16:02,958 --> 00:16:06,043 or Cicely Tyson. 420 00:16:06,044 --> 00:16:08,879 Wow. Hard call. 421 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,756 - Hard call. - Uh-huh. 422 00:16:10,757 --> 00:16:12,132 But let's see who's available. 423 00:16:12,133 --> 00:16:14,885 - Yeah! - They're both good, yeah. 424 00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:16,136 One's dead. 425 00:16:23,270 --> 00:16:25,521 God. 426 00:16:25,522 --> 00:16:28,399 No chutney, huh? 427 00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,025 - You want chutney? - Yeah. 428 00:16:30,026 --> 00:16:31,569 Priya always incorporates it, 429 00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:33,821 and now I'm addicted to the kick. 430 00:16:33,822 --> 00:16:35,407 I love chutney. 431 00:16:37,867 --> 00:16:40,786 Mmm. 432 00:16:40,787 --> 00:16:42,705 So have you been seeing anyone? 433 00:16:42,706 --> 00:16:45,249 No. 434 00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:47,376 But I have plenty of sex. 435 00:16:47,377 --> 00:16:49,044 Oh. 436 00:16:49,045 --> 00:16:51,338 Good for you. 437 00:16:51,339 --> 00:16:52,673 What do you... 438 00:16:52,674 --> 00:16:54,133 what do you do in your spare time? 439 00:16:54,134 --> 00:16:56,176 Oh, I volunteer at the Salvation Army. 440 00:16:56,177 --> 00:16:57,303 - Oh. - This time of year is 441 00:16:57,304 --> 00:16:59,513 really busy for us, obviously. 442 00:16:59,514 --> 00:17:02,349 So I actually have been feeling kind of guilty 443 00:17:02,350 --> 00:17:04,518 that I've neglected my post. 444 00:17:04,519 --> 00:17:06,312 I mean, we can get you a bell, 445 00:17:06,313 --> 00:17:07,688 you can take it outside. 446 00:17:09,024 --> 00:17:10,608 - Kidding. - Yeah. 447 00:17:16,364 --> 00:17:17,448 - Goose? - No, I'm good. 448 00:17:17,449 --> 00:17:18,699 - Oh! No. - Thank you. 449 00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:21,368 Thank you. Sorry. 450 00:17:21,369 --> 00:17:23,746 This pregnancy has me off poultry. 451 00:17:23,747 --> 00:17:26,290 If I even see a feather, I gag. 452 00:17:26,291 --> 00:17:28,959 - Had to get rid of our duvet. - Mm-hmm. 453 00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,670 I have never been interested in being pregnant. 454 00:17:31,671 --> 00:17:33,505 Of course, I have been. But ugh, gross. 455 00:17:35,217 --> 00:17:36,967 Would you mind getting me some rolls down here? 456 00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:39,261 You know, I went to Priya's a cappella competition 457 00:17:39,262 --> 00:17:41,597 last week, and the girls from Northeastern 458 00:17:41,598 --> 00:17:42,932 destroyed Brandeis. 459 00:17:42,933 --> 00:17:46,143 But Priya was the real standout. 460 00:17:46,144 --> 00:17:47,811 Even the woman next to me said so, 461 00:17:47,812 --> 00:17:50,065 and she had no idea that we were roommates. 462 00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:54,235 That's nice you went to support her. 463 00:17:54,236 --> 00:17:57,071 Well, she's like the daughter I never had. 464 00:17:57,072 --> 00:17:59,740 What... what about me? 465 00:17:59,741 --> 00:18:01,575 Oh, you're the daughter I did have. 466 00:18:01,576 --> 00:18:02,743 Ava. 467 00:18:02,744 --> 00:18:04,411 OK, whatever. 468 00:18:04,412 --> 00:18:06,205 Would you like some goose? 469 00:18:06,206 --> 00:18:08,165 Oh, no thank you. I don't eat meat. 470 00:18:08,166 --> 00:18:09,583 Oh. 471 00:18:09,584 --> 00:18:11,043 What? 472 00:18:11,044 --> 00:18:13,254 Yeah, for 30 years now. 473 00:18:13,255 --> 00:18:15,589 You used to eat sausage three links at a time. 474 00:18:15,590 --> 00:18:18,259 Well, yeah, maybe as a kid. 475 00:18:18,260 --> 00:18:19,760 But I can't. 476 00:18:19,761 --> 00:18:22,096 I mean, the meat industry is horrendous. 477 00:18:22,097 --> 00:18:23,973 Oh, tell me about it. 478 00:18:23,974 --> 00:18:25,891 I mean, have you seen the way they force-feed the animals? 479 00:18:25,892 --> 00:18:27,851 - Yeah. - Could you pass me the goose? 480 00:18:27,852 --> 00:18:29,061 - Oh, sure. - Yeah, I'd love it. 481 00:18:30,897 --> 00:18:32,856 I got your goose! 482 00:18:32,857 --> 00:18:34,191 You are so silly. 483 00:18:42,909 --> 00:18:44,743 Do you like the font? 484 00:18:44,744 --> 00:18:46,328 Yeah. 485 00:18:46,329 --> 00:18:48,205 I put the jokes in Comic Sans 486 00:18:48,206 --> 00:18:49,999 so you know they're supposed to be funny. 487 00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,750 Ah, now that makes sense. OK, I get it. 488 00:18:51,751 --> 00:18:53,460 You know, most scripts stick to one font. 489 00:18:53,461 --> 00:18:55,212 But that's a missed opportunity, 'cause this is... 490 00:18:55,213 --> 00:18:56,755 it makes it voice-y, which is good. 491 00:18:56,756 --> 00:18:58,215 - It's fun. - Very voice-y. 492 00:19:03,138 --> 00:19:04,597 Do you think it's confusing 493 00:19:04,598 --> 00:19:08,475 that there's another character named Fatty? 494 00:19:08,476 --> 00:19:09,560 There is? 495 00:19:09,561 --> 00:19:11,228 - Uh-huh. - OK, I'm sorry. 496 00:19:11,229 --> 00:19:12,313 I think I have to start over, then, 497 00:19:12,314 --> 00:19:13,939 'cause I did not realize that. 498 00:19:13,940 --> 00:19:15,608 Just put in Fatty One and Fatty Two, obviously. 499 00:19:15,609 --> 00:19:16,984 - There you go. - Make it more clear, right? 500 00:19:16,985 --> 00:19:18,652 Yeah. Keep going. 501 00:19:18,653 --> 00:19:20,447 - OK. - Keep going. 502 00:19:23,992 --> 00:19:26,702 Do you think it's too character-damaging 503 00:19:26,703 --> 00:19:31,415 that Fatty steals from his sister's piggy bank? 504 00:19:31,416 --> 00:19:33,667 No, no, you... I think you justify it 505 00:19:33,668 --> 00:19:35,920 because of his desperate need for "sody pop." 506 00:19:35,921 --> 00:19:38,088 - Oh. - So he wants it bad, and... 507 00:19:38,089 --> 00:19:39,131 - Maybe. - It's an addiction. 508 00:19:39,132 --> 00:19:40,507 I think it's an addiction, 509 00:19:40,508 --> 00:19:41,884 and it's like, you know, any addiction. 510 00:19:41,885 --> 00:19:43,386 Just keep... keep reading, yeah. 511 00:19:46,181 --> 00:19:49,935 Boy, women drivers. 512 00:19:51,811 --> 00:19:53,020 Amazing. 513 00:19:55,148 --> 00:19:57,024 Ooh, Prada! 514 00:19:57,025 --> 00:19:58,525 Ooh. 515 00:19:58,526 --> 00:19:59,985 Thank you, Deborah. 516 00:19:59,986 --> 00:20:01,779 You're welcome. 517 00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,697 - Whoo! - That's nice. 518 00:20:03,698 --> 00:20:05,866 OK, time for DJ's big present. 519 00:20:05,867 --> 00:20:07,534 She always opens her little gifts from Santa 520 00:20:07,535 --> 00:20:09,495 on Christmas morning, but after we eat dinner, 521 00:20:09,496 --> 00:20:10,996 she gets her big one from me. 522 00:20:10,997 --> 00:20:13,999 Uh, Damien, bring it in. 523 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,626 - Oh, a little baby jail. - Oh, my gosh. 524 00:20:15,627 --> 00:20:17,628 - Oh, wow. - Ooh. 525 00:20:17,629 --> 00:20:19,630 Isn't it gorgeous? 526 00:20:19,631 --> 00:20:22,132 It's so pretty. 527 00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:23,842 - Thank you, Mom. - Oh, you're welcome. 528 00:20:23,843 --> 00:20:27,137 Mom, thank you so much. That's amazing, babe. 529 00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:28,347 Now we can have one for our house, 530 00:20:28,348 --> 00:20:29,682 and we can have one for here. 531 00:20:29,683 --> 00:20:31,976 - Uh... - What do you mean? 532 00:20:31,977 --> 00:20:33,310 - What? - You already have a crib? 533 00:20:33,311 --> 00:20:35,062 - Well... - Um... 534 00:20:35,063 --> 00:20:36,772 I thought... I thought you weren't buying 535 00:20:36,773 --> 00:20:39,066 anything for the nursery till the third trimester. 536 00:20:39,067 --> 00:20:41,277 No. That's true, and I didn't. 537 00:20:41,278 --> 00:20:43,195 It was just a gift. 538 00:20:43,196 --> 00:20:44,530 From who? 539 00:20:44,531 --> 00:20:45,698 Um... 540 00:20:45,699 --> 00:20:48,242 I... I got it for them. 541 00:20:48,243 --> 00:20:50,452 Oh. 542 00:20:50,453 --> 00:20:52,538 Well, I'm sure Filene's Basement has 543 00:20:52,539 --> 00:20:53,873 an excellent return policy. 544 00:20:53,874 --> 00:20:55,749 - Mom, come on. - No, no. 545 00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:58,752 I... I just... you know, I didn't realize 546 00:20:58,753 --> 00:21:01,422 you two were that close. 547 00:21:01,423 --> 00:21:02,715 I... it's lovely. 548 00:21:04,593 --> 00:21:07,344 You know, I think I will go help myself to some dessert. 549 00:21:07,345 --> 00:21:08,929 Can I get anyone anything? 550 00:21:08,930 --> 00:21:10,431 Oh, I'd like a chai if there is any. 551 00:21:10,432 --> 00:21:12,057 Mom. 552 00:21:12,058 --> 00:21:13,267 I'll see. 553 00:21:13,268 --> 00:21:15,102 Since when? Since when? 554 00:21:15,103 --> 00:21:16,562 I'm sorry, Mom. 555 00:21:16,563 --> 00:21:18,439 We'll use both. Please don't be upset. 556 00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:19,565 No, I'm not upset. 557 00:21:19,566 --> 00:21:21,692 Why would I be upset? 558 00:21:21,693 --> 00:21:24,028 Oh, shoot! 559 00:21:24,029 --> 00:21:26,405 Darn it! Shoot, shoot, shoot. 560 00:21:26,406 --> 00:21:28,282 - What did you do? - Nothing. 561 00:21:28,283 --> 00:21:29,992 - What did you do? - Uh, nothing. 562 00:21:29,993 --> 00:21:31,201 I was just reaching for this gumdrop... 563 00:21:31,202 --> 00:21:32,578 It's decorative! 564 00:21:32,579 --> 00:21:33,996 What? Why would you... 565 00:21:33,997 --> 00:21:35,456 I thought you said it was edible. 566 00:21:35,457 --> 00:21:36,999 Well, just because it's edible 567 00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,793 doesn't mean you can eat it! 568 00:21:41,630 --> 00:21:43,839 I'm sorry, Deborah. 569 00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,674 It's ruined. 570 00:21:51,223 --> 00:21:53,432 Joanne, you can put that on the table for me, please. 571 00:21:53,433 --> 00:21:54,600 Thank you. 572 00:21:54,601 --> 00:21:56,101 - Hey, Mom? - Oh. 573 00:21:56,102 --> 00:21:57,561 Hi. Merry Christmas. 574 00:21:57,562 --> 00:21:58,687 Finally! 575 00:21:58,688 --> 00:21:59,939 - There you are. - Hi. 576 00:21:59,940 --> 00:22:01,482 - Sorry we're late. - Oh. 577 00:22:01,483 --> 00:22:04,235 Um, Mom, this is Larry. 578 00:22:04,236 --> 00:22:05,778 Larry, this is my mother, Deidre. 579 00:22:05,779 --> 00:22:07,988 And um, Larry's brought lamb. 580 00:22:07,989 --> 00:22:09,949 Oh. Hi, Larry. 581 00:22:09,950 --> 00:22:11,617 Hi. 582 00:22:11,618 --> 00:22:13,244 You know, the only thing I like more than lamb 583 00:22:13,245 --> 00:22:15,120 is a man who knows how to cook it. 584 00:22:15,121 --> 00:22:18,249 Oh, well, try it before you propose. 585 00:22:18,250 --> 00:22:20,584 Oh! And you're funny. 586 00:22:20,585 --> 00:22:22,461 I like funny, and I'm a hugger. 587 00:22:22,462 --> 00:22:24,838 Come on. Bring it in. 588 00:22:24,839 --> 00:22:26,799 - OK, new dad alert. - Kayla. 589 00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,968 - They have chemistry. - Cool it. 590 00:22:40,188 --> 00:22:42,107 I'm sorry about the gingerbread. 591 00:22:43,858 --> 00:22:45,859 Well, you were always good at wrecking homes. 592 00:22:50,073 --> 00:22:51,949 I didn't mean to overstep with the crib. 593 00:22:51,950 --> 00:22:56,537 It's just... I'm excited about the baby. 594 00:22:56,538 --> 00:22:58,998 You and DJ are the only family I have left, 595 00:22:58,999 --> 00:23:02,751 and you're not exactly in my life. 596 00:23:02,752 --> 00:23:05,045 And whose fault is that? 597 00:23:05,046 --> 00:23:07,214 Mine. 598 00:23:07,215 --> 00:23:09,508 And I'm sorry. 599 00:23:09,509 --> 00:23:11,552 There's not a day I don't feel sorry. 600 00:23:11,553 --> 00:23:15,723 I... I've tried to say that to you for so long. 601 00:23:15,724 --> 00:23:17,683 Well, you stopped. 602 00:23:17,684 --> 00:23:19,853 Yeah, because I saw your special. 603 00:23:21,229 --> 00:23:24,064 I was nice to you in my special. 604 00:23:24,065 --> 00:23:25,900 I mean, I took ownership and all that crap. 605 00:23:25,901 --> 00:23:27,735 Exactly. 606 00:23:27,736 --> 00:23:29,904 It seemed like you understood how complicated it was. 607 00:23:29,905 --> 00:23:31,572 It almost sounded like you forgave me. 608 00:23:31,573 --> 00:23:34,450 But then I still never heard from you, 609 00:23:34,451 --> 00:23:36,410 and that just broke my heart, Deborah. 610 00:23:36,411 --> 00:23:37,870 Where are you going? 611 00:23:37,871 --> 00:23:40,414 I don't want to see you cry. 612 00:23:40,415 --> 00:23:43,584 It's OK if I cry. I'm sad. 613 00:23:43,585 --> 00:23:46,337 You do not get to be sad. 614 00:23:46,338 --> 00:23:48,505 I lost my family. 615 00:23:48,506 --> 00:23:51,550 I lost everything! 616 00:23:51,551 --> 00:23:53,595 I never meant for that to happen. 617 00:23:55,305 --> 00:23:57,723 Why'd you do it? 618 00:23:57,724 --> 00:23:59,266 I didn't come here to make excuses 619 00:23:59,267 --> 00:24:01,101 for something that happened so long ago. 620 00:24:01,102 --> 00:24:02,311 Oh, please. 621 00:24:02,312 --> 00:24:03,855 No, I would love a fucking excuse. 622 00:24:05,106 --> 00:24:06,440 Fine. 623 00:24:07,943 --> 00:24:09,693 That summer you went to make that movie, 624 00:24:09,694 --> 00:24:14,114 and I moved into the house to help with DJ... 625 00:24:14,115 --> 00:24:17,451 and, uh, it only happened a couple times, 626 00:24:17,452 --> 00:24:20,120 but I felt horrible, and I ended it. 627 00:24:20,121 --> 00:24:22,748 But then you got late night, and Frank got really jealous 628 00:24:22,749 --> 00:24:25,125 and told you about us, I think to throw you off your game. 629 00:24:25,126 --> 00:24:26,877 Oh. Oh, I see. 630 00:24:26,878 --> 00:24:28,879 It was my fault because I was ambitious? 631 00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,130 Give me a break. 632 00:24:30,131 --> 00:24:32,299 You just asked me to explain! 633 00:24:32,300 --> 00:24:34,134 Look, I'm your sister, and I shouldn't have done it. 634 00:24:34,135 --> 00:24:35,636 But you two weren't even sleeping 635 00:24:35,637 --> 00:24:38,264 in the same room for months. 636 00:24:38,265 --> 00:24:41,141 He made the first move, and I was only 19 years old, 637 00:24:41,142 --> 00:24:42,518 so give me a fucking break. 638 00:24:42,519 --> 00:24:44,103 You stayed married to him. 639 00:24:44,104 --> 00:24:45,854 Yeah, because he made me happy. 640 00:24:45,855 --> 00:24:47,439 I mean, you don't want to hear this, 641 00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,108 but we were a better match than you two were. 642 00:24:49,109 --> 00:24:52,570 And thank God, because... 643 00:24:52,571 --> 00:24:54,531 because I lost my sister for it. 644 00:24:56,199 --> 00:24:57,950 Well, I'm sorry you've been in so much pain. 645 00:24:57,951 --> 00:25:00,494 Well, I have been. 646 00:25:00,495 --> 00:25:02,663 I've also paid for it. 647 00:25:02,664 --> 00:25:05,833 I've taken all your punishment over the years. 648 00:25:05,834 --> 00:25:09,128 Billboards for all your specials on my street. 649 00:25:09,129 --> 00:25:11,338 You told Katie Couric I can't read. 650 00:25:11,339 --> 00:25:13,632 - That was a joke. - Oh. 651 00:25:13,633 --> 00:25:16,427 You had missing person posters with my picture on it 652 00:25:16,428 --> 00:25:18,304 made up and put all over Monterey 653 00:25:18,305 --> 00:25:19,805 with my phone number. 654 00:25:19,806 --> 00:25:21,348 I got phone calls for months from people 655 00:25:21,349 --> 00:25:22,766 saying they'd seen me in the supermarket, 656 00:25:22,767 --> 00:25:23,809 and I looked horrible. 657 00:25:25,186 --> 00:25:27,313 It's not funny. 658 00:25:27,314 --> 00:25:28,355 No, it's not funny. 659 00:25:28,356 --> 00:25:29,481 It's hysterical. 660 00:25:36,114 --> 00:25:37,448 - Oh! - Oh! 661 00:25:37,449 --> 00:25:39,825 - That's expensive snow! - Oh, my God. 662 00:25:39,826 --> 00:25:41,619 God damn it! 663 00:25:43,246 --> 00:25:45,080 Oh! 664 00:25:45,081 --> 00:25:46,749 Ow! Oh, my God! 665 00:25:46,750 --> 00:25:49,460 Ow, it burns! Why does it burn? 666 00:25:49,461 --> 00:25:50,753 - Shit! - Chemicals! 667 00:25:50,754 --> 00:25:52,504 - It's methylene chloride! - What? 668 00:25:52,505 --> 00:25:54,173 It's the only way you can get a six-sided crystal! 669 00:25:54,174 --> 00:25:55,883 Then why would you throw it at me? 670 00:25:55,884 --> 00:25:57,635 - 'Cause you started it! - Ow! 671 00:25:57,636 --> 00:25:59,803 Oh, God, come here! 672 00:25:59,804 --> 00:26:00,971 Come here. 673 00:26:00,972 --> 00:26:02,598 Oh, my God. Shit! 674 00:26:02,599 --> 00:26:03,724 Watch out, watch out, watch out, watch out. 675 00:26:03,725 --> 00:26:04,934 - Oh! - Careful. 676 00:26:04,935 --> 00:26:06,143 - Ow. - Oh, stop. 677 00:26:06,144 --> 00:26:07,311 - Over here. - It's burning. 678 00:26:07,312 --> 00:26:08,437 Get some water on your face. 679 00:26:08,438 --> 00:26:09,772 Oh, my God. 680 00:26:09,773 --> 00:26:12,066 Here, I've got... I've got a... here. 681 00:26:12,067 --> 00:26:13,359 Here... here's a tissue. 682 00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:15,986 Oh, God. 683 00:26:15,987 --> 00:26:17,363 Oh. 684 00:26:17,364 --> 00:26:19,657 - Is it better? - No. 685 00:26:19,658 --> 00:26:21,158 No. 686 00:26:21,159 --> 00:26:22,493 Ow. 687 00:26:24,996 --> 00:26:27,331 Listen, I... 688 00:26:27,332 --> 00:26:29,583 I appreciate you inviting me for DJ, 689 00:26:29,584 --> 00:26:32,045 but she shouldn't have forced it. 690 00:26:34,422 --> 00:26:36,924 She didn't. 691 00:26:36,925 --> 00:26:42,054 I was also hoping that I could, you know, do this. 692 00:26:42,055 --> 00:26:43,431 I don't think I can. 693 00:26:45,892 --> 00:26:47,017 Debbie, you have so much. 694 00:26:47,018 --> 00:26:48,602 - Oh, God. - You have... 695 00:26:48,603 --> 00:26:50,062 - Yeah. - An incredible career. 696 00:26:50,063 --> 00:26:51,522 You have a beautiful daughter. 697 00:26:51,523 --> 00:26:53,649 You have a grandchild on the way. 698 00:26:53,650 --> 00:26:55,777 You've got six-sided crystals. 699 00:26:57,946 --> 00:27:01,365 I just wish you could get over not having Frank. 700 00:27:01,366 --> 00:27:05,035 It wasn't just that he left me. 701 00:27:05,036 --> 00:27:08,123 It was that you left me too. 702 00:27:11,626 --> 00:27:13,878 I was really hoping this would be nice. 703 00:27:13,879 --> 00:27:17,089 But, um, 704 00:27:17,090 --> 00:27:22,262 I'm just still so angry at you. 705 00:27:24,306 --> 00:27:26,516 I don't want to be, but I am. 706 00:27:28,143 --> 00:27:29,476 Well, that's something. 707 00:27:29,477 --> 00:27:31,145 I thought you loved being angry. 708 00:27:31,146 --> 00:27:34,732 You kidding? 709 00:27:34,733 --> 00:27:36,650 Frown lines are the hardest to treat. 710 00:27:38,111 --> 00:27:41,322 I don't want it to be like this. 711 00:27:41,323 --> 00:27:44,034 Mom wouldn't have wanted it to be like this. 712 00:27:45,327 --> 00:27:49,371 No, she wouldn't. 713 00:27:49,372 --> 00:27:51,290 Well, maybe Christmas wasn't the best time 714 00:27:51,291 --> 00:27:55,169 to have tried this. 715 00:27:55,170 --> 00:27:59,216 Maybe we could try it some other time, just us? 716 00:28:01,218 --> 00:28:03,093 Yeah. 717 00:28:03,094 --> 00:28:05,180 OK. 718 00:28:07,557 --> 00:28:09,475 Great. 719 00:28:09,476 --> 00:28:13,145 And I'm sorry again about the gingerbread house. 720 00:28:13,146 --> 00:28:14,355 That was insane. 721 00:28:17,525 --> 00:28:19,443 Sorry. 722 00:28:19,444 --> 00:28:22,154 Ava, my God, look at this right now! 723 00:28:22,155 --> 00:28:25,032 I am in freaking "Willy Wonka." 724 00:28:25,033 --> 00:28:27,618 Is... is there a Willy Wonka town? 725 00:28:27,619 --> 00:28:29,119 - Because I am in it. - Ugh. 726 00:28:32,624 --> 00:28:36,669 Weren't you supposed to, like, go visit sick kids? 727 00:28:36,670 --> 00:28:38,212 Oh, shit. 728 00:28:38,213 --> 00:28:41,048 - What time is it? - I think, like, 8:00-ish. 729 00:28:41,049 --> 00:28:42,466 Oh, God. It's too late. 730 00:28:42,467 --> 00:28:44,385 Visiting hours are over. 731 00:28:44,386 --> 00:28:45,886 What are you gonna do, you know what I mean? 732 00:28:45,887 --> 00:28:47,763 I can't do everything. 733 00:28:47,764 --> 00:28:49,598 Plus, they got clowns and dogs and stuff to entertain 'em. 734 00:28:49,599 --> 00:28:51,350 They're OK. 735 00:28:51,351 --> 00:28:53,435 God, I gotta go to the bathroom. 736 00:28:53,436 --> 00:28:55,229 I gotta go number three, if you know what I mean. 737 00:28:59,401 --> 00:29:02,736 Have you seen "Slumdog Millionaire"? 738 00:29:02,737 --> 00:29:04,697 OK. 739 00:29:04,698 --> 00:29:07,866 I gotta be honest, Mom, this is starting to feel really weird. 740 00:29:07,867 --> 00:29:09,618 Like, you're, like, 741 00:29:09,619 --> 00:29:11,912 fetishizing South Asian culture or something. 742 00:29:11,913 --> 00:29:14,707 Why would you say that? I do not have a fetish. 743 00:29:14,708 --> 00:29:16,458 That's a nasty word. 744 00:29:16,459 --> 00:29:18,252 No, I... I just mean it feels like 745 00:29:18,253 --> 00:29:20,087 you're kind of appropriating it. 746 00:29:20,088 --> 00:29:23,090 I mean, is it so bad that I'm enjoying a new culture? 747 00:29:23,091 --> 00:29:26,176 I'm trying new food, I'm... I'm wearing this bindi. 748 00:29:26,177 --> 00:29:27,761 You're not wearing a bindi. 749 00:29:27,762 --> 00:29:31,765 Well, I... shit, where's my bindi? 750 00:29:31,766 --> 00:29:34,435 I... I had a bindi. 751 00:29:34,436 --> 00:29:36,604 I... it fell off. 752 00:29:36,605 --> 00:29:40,691 I mean, Ava, I mean, is it... is it a fetish any time 753 00:29:40,692 --> 00:29:43,027 a white person decides to take an interest in a culture 754 00:29:43,028 --> 00:29:44,945 that isn't their own? 755 00:29:44,946 --> 00:29:47,948 Because then I'm proud to have a fetish, OK? 756 00:29:47,949 --> 00:29:50,576 I mean, it's hard being an immigrant in this country 757 00:29:50,577 --> 00:29:52,828 right now, at least according to a little program 758 00:29:52,829 --> 00:29:54,956 called "On the Contrary." 759 00:29:56,333 --> 00:29:58,000 You don't watch "On the Contrary." 760 00:29:58,001 --> 00:29:59,501 Every Sunday. 761 00:29:59,502 --> 00:30:01,378 And if I don't think something's funny, 762 00:30:01,379 --> 00:30:03,714 then Priya tells me why it's funny, 763 00:30:03,715 --> 00:30:05,341 and then I get it. 764 00:30:05,342 --> 00:30:08,886 I mean, is that a fetish, Ava? 765 00:30:08,887 --> 00:30:10,971 No. No, it's not. 766 00:30:10,972 --> 00:30:15,059 It's, um, really nice, actually. 767 00:30:15,060 --> 00:30:17,228 - OK. - Thank you, Mom. 768 00:30:17,229 --> 00:30:19,104 You're welcome. 769 00:30:19,105 --> 00:30:21,649 And now I want you to try this, 770 00:30:21,650 --> 00:30:23,150 because what I did is, 771 00:30:23,151 --> 00:30:26,278 I dumped coriander all over this fudge. 772 00:30:26,279 --> 00:30:28,280 It's really delicious. 773 00:30:28,281 --> 00:30:30,157 It's just like your grandmother used to make, 774 00:30:30,158 --> 00:30:32,117 except now with coriander. 775 00:30:32,118 --> 00:30:33,452 - Uh... - Right? 776 00:30:33,453 --> 00:30:34,495 Oh, my God. 777 00:30:34,496 --> 00:30:36,747 - Oh, come on. - No. 778 00:30:36,748 --> 00:30:40,834 So Fatty said, "You know what would make it really funny? 779 00:30:40,835 --> 00:30:42,836 If you did it with a mustache." 780 00:30:44,464 --> 00:30:48,175 And that kid was Charlie goddamn Chaplin! 781 00:30:48,176 --> 00:30:49,426 No! 782 00:30:49,427 --> 00:30:50,594 Yes! 783 00:30:52,013 --> 00:30:54,014 That is the best twist I've ever heard. 784 00:30:54,015 --> 00:30:55,683 Even better than an evil twin. 785 00:30:55,684 --> 00:30:58,435 Evil twin? 786 00:30:58,436 --> 00:30:59,853 Kayla, sweetie, would you give me 787 00:30:59,854 --> 00:31:01,021 a hand clearing, please? 788 00:31:01,022 --> 00:31:02,941 Absolutely, gorgeous. 789 00:31:07,362 --> 00:31:10,489 Well, what do you think? 790 00:31:10,490 --> 00:31:14,201 Honestly, I think you could lose the dream sequence. 791 00:31:14,202 --> 00:31:16,412 - Which one? - All of them, 792 00:31:16,413 --> 00:31:18,038 especially the sex dream about Clara Bow. 793 00:31:18,039 --> 00:31:19,540 And you know, you might want to use one font. 794 00:31:19,541 --> 00:31:21,417 Aw. 795 00:31:21,418 --> 00:31:23,544 But look, I didn't know what to expect in the beginning. 796 00:31:23,545 --> 00:31:25,504 And obviously, it could use some edits. 797 00:31:25,505 --> 00:31:28,549 But I think it's actually a really good script. 798 00:31:28,550 --> 00:31:30,885 - Do you mean that? - I do. 799 00:31:30,886 --> 00:31:32,386 I mean, you're an amazing writer. 800 00:31:32,387 --> 00:31:33,846 I can't believe it's your first script. 801 00:31:33,847 --> 00:31:36,015 And the story is so compelling. 802 00:31:36,016 --> 00:31:39,560 I really think you should think about making this with Jack Danby. 803 00:31:39,561 --> 00:31:41,562 He's super-hot right now, and attaching him 804 00:31:41,563 --> 00:31:43,397 could get something like this made. 805 00:31:43,398 --> 00:31:44,899 I'll tell you what. 806 00:31:44,900 --> 00:31:47,735 I don't know this Jack character. 807 00:31:47,736 --> 00:31:52,406 But after today, I know this much, Jimmy. 808 00:31:52,407 --> 00:31:54,950 I like you. 809 00:31:54,951 --> 00:31:57,828 And no surprise with a mother like that. 810 00:31:59,581 --> 00:32:03,835 So I'll do it on one condition. 811 00:32:05,212 --> 00:32:06,629 You produce it. 812 00:32:06,630 --> 00:32:08,672 Oh. OK. 813 00:32:08,673 --> 00:32:11,258 Sure. Yeah. Deal. 814 00:32:11,259 --> 00:32:15,012 This Jack guy is really lucky to have you as a manager. 815 00:32:15,013 --> 00:32:17,556 Oh, he doesn't even know. 816 00:32:22,979 --> 00:32:25,522 Why did you get me this? 817 00:32:25,523 --> 00:32:27,775 It's fun. Just chop the blocks. 818 00:32:27,776 --> 00:32:28,901 I am! 819 00:32:28,902 --> 00:32:30,778 Ah! Ah! 820 00:32:30,779 --> 00:32:33,364 - Deborah. Deborah! - What? 821 00:32:33,365 --> 00:32:34,698 Jimmy's on the phone. 822 00:32:34,699 --> 00:32:36,408 Well, ask him what he wants. 823 00:32:36,409 --> 00:32:38,912 She's busy working. What is it? 824 00:32:40,956 --> 00:32:42,707 You're back in the mix for late night. 825 00:32:44,376 --> 00:32:46,752 Holy shit! 826 00:32:46,753 --> 00:32:47,753 How? 827 00:32:47,754 --> 00:32:50,422 Danby's out. 828 00:32:50,423 --> 00:32:52,550 Pursuing dramatic roles. 829 00:32:52,551 --> 00:32:54,802 It's between you and the X Games guy. 830 00:32:54,803 --> 00:32:57,638 Oh, my God. 831 00:32:57,639 --> 00:33:00,307 Jimmy? 832 00:33:00,308 --> 00:33:03,811 It's a Christmas miracle! 833 00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:12,000 - Synced and corrected by chamallow - - www.addic7ed.com - 56856

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