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1
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Do you have a loose pelvic floor?
2
00:00:41,244 --> 00:00:42,661
Excuse me?
3
00:00:42,662 --> 00:00:44,205
The thing is, there's a lot of money
4
00:00:44,206 --> 00:00:45,539
in pharmaceutical ads,
but you have to have
5
00:00:45,540 --> 00:00:46,874
the condition they treat
6
00:00:46,875 --> 00:00:48,542
in order to legally endorse them.
7
00:00:48,543 --> 00:00:51,879
Uh, no, I do not have
a loose pelvic floor.
8
00:00:51,880 --> 00:00:54,882
- Congratulations.
- OK. Irritable bowel syndrome.
9
00:00:54,883 --> 00:00:57,051
- No.
- You never walk with a walker.
10
00:00:57,052 --> 00:00:58,177
No, you're not blind.
11
00:00:58,178 --> 00:00:59,595
Um, Von Willebrand's?
12
00:00:59,596 --> 00:01:01,263
I don't even know what that is.
13
00:01:01,264 --> 00:01:02,765
- OK, so maybe you have it.
- We can get you tested.
14
00:01:02,766 --> 00:01:04,016
Because if you don't know what it is,
15
00:01:04,017 --> 00:01:05,392
- we should get you tested.
- OK.
16
00:01:05,393 --> 00:01:06,435
Let's just circle that as a maybe.
17
00:01:06,436 --> 00:01:08,020
- OK.
- OK. Uh, bacne?
18
00:01:08,021 --> 00:01:09,230
Little pimples all over
your back and your butt?
19
00:01:09,231 --> 00:01:10,397
- No.
- Oh, herpes?
20
00:01:10,398 --> 00:01:12,107
- Herpes?
- Herpes is young.
21
00:01:12,108 --> 00:01:13,359
- Could be oral.
- OK.
22
00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:14,360
Everybody has herpes.
23
00:01:14,361 --> 00:01:17,363
Stop. Stop.
24
00:01:17,364 --> 00:01:18,572
This is so depressing.
25
00:01:18,573 --> 00:01:20,324
Clinically depressing?
26
00:01:20,325 --> 00:01:21,742
You feel like it's a medical issue?
27
00:01:21,743 --> 00:01:23,536
'Cause we could use that.
28
00:01:23,537 --> 00:01:24,995
How often are the happy days?
29
00:01:24,996 --> 00:01:27,039
- Jesus.
- OK. Sorry.
30
00:01:27,040 --> 00:01:29,833
Thank you.
31
00:01:29,834 --> 00:01:31,335
Mm.
32
00:01:31,336 --> 00:01:33,546
I hate seeing my girlina so sad.
33
00:01:33,547 --> 00:01:34,713
God, this is so annoying.
34
00:01:34,714 --> 00:01:36,966
I hate giving up. We were so close.
35
00:01:36,967 --> 00:01:38,217
Nobody hates it more than me.
36
00:01:38,218 --> 00:01:39,593
But it's over, Jimbo.
37
00:01:39,594 --> 00:01:41,011
It's a done deal.
38
00:01:41,012 --> 00:01:42,555
You know what? No.
39
00:01:42,556 --> 00:01:45,683
It's not over until
Jack Danby is on the air.
40
00:01:45,684 --> 00:01:47,101
Damn straight.
41
00:01:47,102 --> 00:01:48,852
We can sabotage.
42
00:01:48,853 --> 00:01:51,105
I can find some dirt on him
to scare off the network.
43
00:01:51,106 --> 00:01:52,439
Mm.
44
00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:53,941
He's probably a nasty, nasty boy.
45
00:01:53,942 --> 00:01:55,401
Probably can't even come
46
00:01:55,402 --> 00:01:56,944
without a fucking gun in his mouth.
47
00:01:56,945 --> 00:01:59,280
Yikes. Excuse me?
48
00:01:59,281 --> 00:02:02,074
I got this, my friend.
49
00:02:02,075 --> 00:02:04,076
Whoo!
50
00:02:04,077 --> 00:02:05,661
It's gonna be good!
51
00:02:05,662 --> 00:02:07,955
Kayla, you left your
notebook and your...
52
00:02:07,956 --> 00:02:10,624
your bag with your
phone and your inhaler.
53
00:02:19,926 --> 00:02:21,969
Ava! Ava!
54
00:02:21,970 --> 00:02:24,805
Mom, I've been waiting for 40 minutes.
55
00:02:24,806 --> 00:02:28,475
I was playing slots in the airport.
56
00:02:28,476 --> 00:02:29,643
How Vegas is that?
57
00:02:29,644 --> 00:02:31,228
- I love it here.
- Oh.
58
00:02:31,229 --> 00:02:32,897
Should I move here to be closer to you?
59
00:02:32,898 --> 00:02:34,940
Mom, I'm moving back to LA in two weeks,
60
00:02:34,941 --> 00:02:36,442
and you've only seen the airport.
61
00:02:36,443 --> 00:02:38,569
Right. Oh, and I brought your old
62
00:02:38,570 --> 00:02:40,237
Abercrombie and Fitch miniskirts.
63
00:02:40,238 --> 00:02:41,822
Why?
64
00:02:41,823 --> 00:02:43,991
Those are linked to
incredibly painful memories.
65
00:02:43,992 --> 00:02:45,492
Well, I was gonna throw them away,
66
00:02:45,493 --> 00:02:48,162
but Priya says they're back in style.
67
00:02:48,163 --> 00:02:49,580
Who's Priya?
68
00:02:49,581 --> 00:02:51,541
She's my roommate.
69
00:02:53,585 --> 00:02:55,169
Mom, what?
70
00:02:55,170 --> 00:02:57,504
Ever since the Vibamins
class action suit
71
00:02:57,505 --> 00:02:59,590
didn't go my way, I have started
72
00:02:59,591 --> 00:03:01,926
renting your room for passive income.
73
00:03:01,927 --> 00:03:03,594
OK.
74
00:03:03,595 --> 00:03:05,888
Anyway, Priya's from Bangladesh.
75
00:03:05,889 --> 00:03:07,514
She's getting her graduate degree
76
00:03:07,515 --> 00:03:08,974
in biochemistry from Brandeis.
77
00:03:08,975 --> 00:03:10,643
She's a genius.
78
00:03:10,644 --> 00:03:12,144
- Cool.
- Yeah, it's working out great.
79
00:03:12,145 --> 00:03:13,979
She does the cooking, I do the cleaning,
80
00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:15,940
and then we go to a fun new
restaurant every Wednesday.
81
00:03:15,941 --> 00:03:17,775
I always thought restaurants
were a waste of money,
82
00:03:17,776 --> 00:03:19,526
but they're fun!
83
00:03:19,527 --> 00:03:21,362
- Yeah, restaurants are good.
- Yeah.
84
00:03:21,363 --> 00:03:24,031
Oh, before I forget,
Deborah's a size 7 shoe, right?
85
00:03:24,032 --> 00:03:26,325
That's what celebfeetfacts.com says.
86
00:03:26,326 --> 00:03:28,619
Mom, please tell me you
didn't buy Deborah shoes.
87
00:03:28,620 --> 00:03:30,204
No, slippers.
88
00:03:30,205 --> 00:03:32,164
Everyone loves a Christmas
slipper, everybody.
89
00:03:32,165 --> 00:03:34,041
And I needed to thank
her for inviting me
90
00:03:34,042 --> 00:03:36,293
after I texted her
that I wanted to come.
91
00:03:36,294 --> 00:03:38,379
What?
92
00:03:38,380 --> 00:03:40,214
Oh... oh, my God, she's flipping us...
93
00:03:40,215 --> 00:03:41,924
- Whoa.
- Ava, drive! Drive!
94
00:03:41,925 --> 00:03:43,467
- I'm trying!
- She... look!
95
00:03:43,468 --> 00:03:44,802
No, fuck you!
96
00:03:44,803 --> 00:03:46,554
- Sorry. Sorry.
- God!
97
00:03:46,555 --> 00:03:48,514
It's Christmas, you motherfucker!
98
00:03:51,393 --> 00:03:54,562
You've been waking up when your
alarm goes off, right, sweetie?
99
00:03:54,563 --> 00:03:56,689
Yeah, I'm doing really good.
100
00:03:56,690 --> 00:03:59,733
Hard to believe, working for
that backstabbing bastard.
101
00:03:59,734 --> 00:04:01,860
He is not a bastard, Daddy.
102
00:04:01,861 --> 00:04:04,029
He's a great guy and an amazing boss.
103
00:04:04,030 --> 00:04:05,072
I love Jimmy.
104
00:04:05,073 --> 00:04:06,699
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
105
00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:08,534
But you're doing really, really good.
106
00:04:08,535 --> 00:04:11,078
I heard Jack Danby's about
to be the new late night host.
107
00:04:11,079 --> 00:04:13,789
Let's celebrate that.
108
00:04:13,790 --> 00:04:16,500
Well, that's a relief, to be honest.
109
00:04:16,501 --> 00:04:18,294
Why? Sexual assaulter?
110
00:04:18,295 --> 00:04:19,461
Worse.
111
00:04:19,462 --> 00:04:21,422
Wannabe dramatic actor.
112
00:04:21,423 --> 00:04:24,925
Why is it that every comedian
wants to do some sappy drama?
113
00:04:24,926 --> 00:04:26,677
If you want to be gay, just be gay.
114
00:04:26,678 --> 00:04:27,928
- Gays rock.
- Mm.
115
00:04:27,929 --> 00:04:29,346
Get this.
116
00:04:29,347 --> 00:04:31,891
He wanted to do a Fatty Arbuckle biopic.
117
00:04:31,892 --> 00:04:33,350
Who?
118
00:04:33,351 --> 00:04:35,185
Fatty Arbuckle.
119
00:04:35,186 --> 00:04:37,771
He was the biggest movie star
in the world in the 1920s,
120
00:04:37,772 --> 00:04:38,772
in the silent era.
121
00:04:38,773 --> 00:04:40,399
He was a comedian.
122
00:04:40,400 --> 00:04:42,151
Well, Jack's been on me for years
123
00:04:42,152 --> 00:04:44,695
to try to get the rights from
the weird Arbuckle family.
124
00:04:44,696 --> 00:04:46,906
Thank God I convinced
him to take this new gig.
125
00:04:46,907 --> 00:04:49,158
- He let that go.
- Hmm.
126
00:04:49,159 --> 00:04:51,493
Why is it that every single client
127
00:04:51,494 --> 00:04:52,953
that keeps the lights on has to be
128
00:04:52,954 --> 00:04:54,205
the biggest pain in the ass?
129
00:04:54,206 --> 00:04:56,457
Oh, God, tell me about it!
130
00:04:56,458 --> 00:04:58,375
ACAB... All Clients Are Bastards.
131
00:05:00,629 --> 00:05:02,546
I'm surprised you wrap your own gifts.
132
00:05:02,547 --> 00:05:04,298
Nobody does French edges like I do.
133
00:05:04,299 --> 00:05:07,385
You could put somebody's
eye out with my corners.
134
00:05:09,137 --> 00:05:11,014
So, um,
135
00:05:12,515 --> 00:05:15,893
Kathy's definitely coming?
136
00:05:15,894 --> 00:05:17,811
Yes.
137
00:05:17,812 --> 00:05:19,605
How are you feeling about that?
138
00:05:19,606 --> 00:05:21,023
Don't have any feelings about it.
139
00:05:21,024 --> 00:05:22,149
I'm doing it for DJ.
140
00:05:22,150 --> 00:05:25,152
OK. Well, I'm nervous.
141
00:05:25,153 --> 00:05:27,488
Don't be silly. It's Christmas.
142
00:05:27,489 --> 00:05:29,907
We'll be cordial, I'll
be a fabulous host,
143
00:05:29,908 --> 00:05:32,243
and that'll be that.
144
00:05:32,244 --> 00:05:34,453
Hey, Deborah, the caterers are asking
145
00:05:34,454 --> 00:05:36,747
if you want hard sauce
on the figgy pudding.
146
00:05:36,748 --> 00:05:38,332
- Yeah.
- Great.
147
00:05:38,333 --> 00:05:41,460
I will make sure it's hard on the day.
148
00:05:41,461 --> 00:05:43,671
You're making Damien work on Christmas?
149
00:05:43,672 --> 00:05:45,297
He doesn't celebrate Christmas.
150
00:05:45,298 --> 00:05:47,216
He's a Jehovah's Witness.
That's why I hired him.
151
00:05:47,217 --> 00:05:48,676
He doesn't do holidays, birthdays.
152
00:05:48,677 --> 00:05:50,094
It's fantastic.
153
00:05:50,095 --> 00:05:52,054
You need to get religion to work for you
154
00:05:52,055 --> 00:05:54,223
when you're trying to
get around labor laws.
155
00:05:54,224 --> 00:05:55,432
Write that down.
156
00:05:57,185 --> 00:05:58,978
I don't think you want that paper trail.
157
00:05:58,979 --> 00:06:01,439
Fingers crossed.
158
00:06:03,775 --> 00:06:05,109
No solicitation.
159
00:06:05,110 --> 00:06:07,319
I'm a registered independent.
160
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:08,946
Oh, no, we're not solicitors.
161
00:06:08,947 --> 00:06:11,156
We're looking for a
Mr. Larry Arbuckle, sir.
162
00:06:11,157 --> 00:06:12,825
That's me. What do you want?
163
00:06:12,826 --> 00:06:14,285
Well, my name is Jimmy LuSaque Jr.,
164
00:06:14,286 --> 00:06:15,703
and this is Kayla Schaefer.
165
00:06:15,704 --> 00:06:17,621
And we were hoping to talk to you
166
00:06:17,622 --> 00:06:19,748
about a potential film project
about your grandfather, Fatty.
167
00:06:19,749 --> 00:06:22,960
I already told producers
I'm not interested.
168
00:06:22,961 --> 00:06:25,254
But did those producers come
right up to your door, sir?
169
00:06:25,255 --> 00:06:27,464
No! Which I appreciated.
170
00:06:27,465 --> 00:06:29,675
Well, it's only because
we are so passionate.
171
00:06:29,676 --> 00:06:31,552
And we really think
you should hear us out.
172
00:06:31,553 --> 00:06:33,804
If you could just give us two
minutes of your time to talk.
173
00:06:33,805 --> 00:06:35,973
I'm busy today.
174
00:06:35,974 --> 00:06:40,060
But you can come back,
uh, Monday, 2:00 p.m.
175
00:06:40,061 --> 00:06:42,730
Great. Oh, you know what?
Monday's Christmas Day.
176
00:06:42,731 --> 00:06:45,107
That's the day I'm available.
177
00:06:45,108 --> 00:06:46,567
Goodbye.
178
00:06:46,568 --> 00:06:48,694
Hmm.
179
00:06:48,695 --> 00:06:50,487
Must be Jewish.
180
00:06:50,488 --> 00:06:52,031
But no mezuzah.
181
00:06:52,032 --> 00:06:53,449
That's weird.
182
00:06:53,450 --> 00:06:55,784
- You know, the Jewish thing on the door?
- Yeah, yeah.
183
00:07:11,551 --> 00:07:16,222
Nutcrackers!
184
00:07:16,223 --> 00:07:17,598
I just think it looks weird
185
00:07:17,599 --> 00:07:19,225
when a baby doesn't have pierced ears.
186
00:07:19,226 --> 00:07:21,060
Babe, oh, my God.
187
00:07:21,061 --> 00:07:23,562
I'm nervous. I'm really nervous.
188
00:07:23,563 --> 00:07:25,814
- Have you ever met Kathy?
- I feel like I have.
189
00:07:25,815 --> 00:07:27,816
Deborah made me go through
her childhood photos
190
00:07:27,817 --> 00:07:30,194
and scratch all her eyes out.
191
00:07:33,448 --> 00:07:36,617
Excuse me. I'll get the door.
192
00:07:50,590 --> 00:07:52,049
- Mayor's here!
- Oh, Jesus.
193
00:07:52,050 --> 00:07:54,218
Oh, no. That's the birthday boy, right?
194
00:07:56,012 --> 00:07:57,680
Hey, listen, I'm just swinging by.
195
00:07:57,681 --> 00:07:59,974
I gotta be at the children's
hospital in an hour.
196
00:07:59,975 --> 00:08:02,768
But I did not want to miss
your famous baked brie.
197
00:08:02,769 --> 00:08:05,604
Don't tell me where
it is. I can smell it.
198
00:08:05,605 --> 00:08:06,940
Hi, Debbie.
199
00:08:09,526 --> 00:08:10,734
Kathy, hi.
200
00:08:10,735 --> 00:08:11,819
Come in.
201
00:08:11,820 --> 00:08:13,529
OK.
202
00:08:13,530 --> 00:08:15,698
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
203
00:08:15,699 --> 00:08:16,991
How was your flight?
204
00:08:16,992 --> 00:08:19,243
Oh, it was... it was OK.
205
00:08:19,244 --> 00:08:20,661
Good. Excellent.
206
00:08:20,662 --> 00:08:22,246
Good, good, good.
207
00:08:22,247 --> 00:08:23,789
Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no!
208
00:08:23,790 --> 00:08:25,457
Here. Damien!
209
00:08:25,458 --> 00:08:26,876
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
210
00:08:26,877 --> 00:08:28,210
Barry, Cara, no, stop!
211
00:08:28,211 --> 00:08:30,087
I am... I am so sorry.
212
00:08:30,088 --> 00:08:32,298
Psst, psst. Hey! Hello.
213
00:08:32,299 --> 00:08:33,424
Come on. Come on.
214
00:08:33,425 --> 00:08:34,967
Wow.
215
00:08:34,968 --> 00:08:36,510
It's almost like they
were trained to do that.
216
00:08:36,511 --> 00:08:38,929
They were.
217
00:08:38,930 --> 00:08:41,348
Well, thank you for inviting me.
218
00:08:41,349 --> 00:08:42,808
I really appreciate the invitation.
219
00:08:42,809 --> 00:08:44,143
Sure.
220
00:08:44,144 --> 00:08:45,853
To start with, I just want to say,
221
00:08:45,854 --> 00:08:47,688
- I hope that tonight we can...
- Can I take your things?
222
00:08:47,689 --> 00:08:48,689
Oh.
223
00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:49,773
Sure, of course.
224
00:08:49,774 --> 00:08:50,858
Thank you.
225
00:08:50,859 --> 00:08:51,985
Be right back.
226
00:09:14,216 --> 00:09:16,133
Should we join the
other fabulous guests?
227
00:09:16,134 --> 00:09:19,428
Yes.
228
00:09:19,429 --> 00:09:21,180
Oh!
229
00:09:21,181 --> 00:09:23,057
Is this a replica of your house?
230
00:09:23,058 --> 00:09:25,601
Yes, it is. To scale, and edible.
231
00:09:25,602 --> 00:09:26,685
Fun!
232
00:09:26,686 --> 00:09:28,270
Isn't it?
233
00:09:28,271 --> 00:09:29,730
Oh, there she is.
234
00:09:29,731 --> 00:09:32,233
Oh! Merry Christmas, honey.
235
00:09:32,234 --> 00:09:34,401
- Hi!
- Oh, look at you.
236
00:09:34,402 --> 00:09:35,903
- You're glowing.
- Oh, no.
237
00:09:35,904 --> 00:09:37,238
Actually, I'm just really sweaty.
238
00:09:37,239 --> 00:09:38,739
But thank you.
239
00:09:38,740 --> 00:09:41,200
Kathy, this is Aidan, DJ's husband.
240
00:09:41,201 --> 00:09:43,160
- Nice to see you again.
- We've met. Hi.
241
00:09:43,161 --> 00:09:44,495
- Merry Christmas.
- Merry Christmas.
242
00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:45,579
- Oh.
- Yeah, well, they met...
243
00:09:45,580 --> 00:09:46,747
they've met once.
244
00:09:46,748 --> 00:09:48,165
- They met one time.
- Yeah.
245
00:09:48,166 --> 00:09:49,750
Oh, I didn't know.
246
00:09:49,751 --> 00:09:51,418
Well, then you know
what a great guy he is.
247
00:09:51,419 --> 00:09:53,587
I love my big son.
248
00:09:53,588 --> 00:09:55,422
Aww, Mom.
249
00:09:55,423 --> 00:09:57,467
Your what?
250
00:09:58,760 --> 00:10:00,344
I'll be home in time for dinner, Mom.
251
00:10:00,345 --> 00:10:02,054
I just have to convince
someone to let a comedian
252
00:10:02,055 --> 00:10:04,014
make a biopic of his grandfather's story
253
00:10:04,015 --> 00:10:07,268
so another comedian can get
that first comedian's job.
254
00:10:07,269 --> 00:10:08,936
It does make sense.
255
00:10:08,937 --> 00:10:11,772
I gotta go. Love you. Bye.
256
00:10:11,773 --> 00:10:14,191
You forget how to knock on a door?
257
00:10:14,192 --> 00:10:15,901
Come in!
258
00:10:15,902 --> 00:10:16,902
Thank you.
259
00:10:16,903 --> 00:10:18,487
Keep your shoes on.
260
00:10:18,488 --> 00:10:20,197
Will do. OK.
261
00:10:20,198 --> 00:10:21,448
Planning on it.
262
00:10:21,449 --> 00:10:24,493
Wow. This is so beautiful.
263
00:10:24,494 --> 00:10:27,162
Ugh, so old-world. I love older homes.
264
00:10:27,163 --> 00:10:28,289
You know, so much character.
265
00:10:28,290 --> 00:10:29,498
Oh, yes.
266
00:10:29,499 --> 00:10:31,000
- Creaky.
- Yeah.
267
00:10:31,001 --> 00:10:33,127
So, um, is it just you here?
268
00:10:33,128 --> 00:10:35,087
Oh, no. You have to meet Sasha.
269
00:10:35,088 --> 00:10:36,172
Follow me.
270
00:10:39,509 --> 00:10:41,427
Sasha could be a Jewish name.
271
00:10:41,428 --> 00:10:43,470
What is this? Stop.
272
00:10:45,974 --> 00:10:48,142
Oh, Deborah, I met your sister.
273
00:10:48,143 --> 00:10:50,436
She is so funny.
274
00:10:50,437 --> 00:10:52,313
- She is?
- Yes.
275
00:10:52,314 --> 00:10:54,273
Guess it runs in the family, huh?
276
00:10:57,569 --> 00:10:59,236
Oh, boots!
277
00:10:59,237 --> 00:11:00,738
- Oh, oh!
- Oh, my God.
278
00:11:00,739 --> 00:11:02,990
- I know those boots.
- Oh, who could this be?
279
00:11:02,991 --> 00:11:04,325
Oh, my God.
280
00:11:04,326 --> 00:11:06,535
A visitor from the North Pole!
281
00:11:06,536 --> 00:11:09,371
It's Santa!
282
00:11:09,372 --> 00:11:12,625
This is my favorite
house on my entire route.
283
00:11:12,626 --> 00:11:14,084
Santa had such a good time last year,
284
00:11:14,085 --> 00:11:15,461
he skipped South America.
285
00:11:18,131 --> 00:11:20,132
OK, it's time for
everybody's Christmas portrait
286
00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:21,926
before the dinner bloat sets in.
287
00:11:21,927 --> 00:11:23,969
Need a blotting tissue? Blotting tissue?
288
00:11:23,970 --> 00:11:26,096
DJ, sweetie, come sit on Mommy's lap.
289
00:11:26,097 --> 00:11:28,724
- What?
- It's a tradition.
290
00:11:28,725 --> 00:11:30,267
Last time I sat on your lap, I was eight
291
00:11:30,268 --> 00:11:31,894
and you said I had a bony ass.
292
00:11:31,895 --> 00:11:33,771
Well, you did.
293
00:11:33,772 --> 00:11:36,565
Oh, no, no. You look great.
294
00:11:36,566 --> 00:11:38,859
Cheese!
295
00:11:38,860 --> 00:11:40,778
- OK, should we do a silly one?
- No.
296
00:11:40,779 --> 00:11:41,987
We're on a really tight schedule.
297
00:11:41,988 --> 00:11:43,280
Santa, proceed.
298
00:11:43,281 --> 00:11:46,325
Oh, Santa's got Dyson Airwraps
299
00:11:46,326 --> 00:11:48,702
for all the good little boys and girls.
300
00:11:48,703 --> 00:11:50,204
Wow!
301
00:11:50,205 --> 00:11:51,997
Hey, what are you talking about?
302
00:11:51,998 --> 00:11:53,541
You're bald. No, I'll take it.
303
00:11:53,542 --> 00:11:56,043
It's for my mother. It's for my mother.
304
00:11:56,044 --> 00:11:57,169
Dive!
305
00:11:57,170 --> 00:11:58,879
Dive, Sasha!
306
00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:00,047
Dive!
307
00:12:00,048 --> 00:12:01,507
- Oh, wow!
- Oh, sister!
308
00:12:01,508 --> 00:12:03,884
Oh, she is majestic.
309
00:12:03,885 --> 00:12:06,136
- Look at that gorgeous bird.
- Oh, my God.
310
00:12:06,137 --> 00:12:07,846
Um, would you like to take her, though?
311
00:12:07,847 --> 00:12:10,516
- Do you want to...
- No, she loves you.
312
00:12:10,517 --> 00:12:12,810
Oh, yeah. She's
obsessed with you, Jimmy.
313
00:12:12,811 --> 00:12:14,937
Remember when the Olsen
twins were obsessed with you?
314
00:12:14,938 --> 00:12:16,689
The Olsen twins were obsessed with him.
315
00:12:16,690 --> 00:12:18,524
- Oh.
- Yeah, it was very sweet.
316
00:12:18,525 --> 00:12:20,651
Anyway, um, the reason
we came here today is,
317
00:12:20,652 --> 00:12:22,528
we want to talk about
your grandfather's story.
318
00:12:22,529 --> 00:12:24,321
- Oh.
- There is an amazing
319
00:12:24,322 --> 00:12:25,823
comedic artist, Jack Danby,
320
00:12:25,824 --> 00:12:27,616
and he's really
interested in telling it.
321
00:12:27,617 --> 00:12:31,537
I don't want anyone telling
my grandfather's story.
322
00:12:32,873 --> 00:12:34,498
Because the truth is,
323
00:12:34,499 --> 00:12:37,042
I've already told it.
324
00:12:37,043 --> 00:12:38,919
What do you mean?
325
00:12:38,920 --> 00:12:41,922
I wrote my own screenplay.
326
00:12:41,923 --> 00:12:43,257
- Oh.
- Well...
327
00:12:43,258 --> 00:12:45,175
- OK.
- I would love to read it.
328
00:12:45,176 --> 00:12:46,927
You want to read it?
329
00:12:46,928 --> 00:12:48,095
I would be honored.
330
00:12:48,096 --> 00:12:51,932
OK, then let's go.
331
00:12:51,933 --> 00:12:54,685
You ever watch birds
have sex on a live cam?
332
00:12:54,686 --> 00:12:57,021
- Kayla...
- What? I'm just curious.
333
00:12:57,022 --> 00:12:58,898
OK, how did you get this way?
334
00:13:07,449 --> 00:13:08,908
Hi there.
335
00:13:08,909 --> 00:13:10,868
I think dinner is being served.
336
00:13:10,869 --> 00:13:12,203
Oh, OK.
337
00:13:12,204 --> 00:13:13,495
Thank you.
338
00:13:13,496 --> 00:13:15,497
Sorry, I don't think we've met.
339
00:13:15,498 --> 00:13:16,999
I'm Ava. I write for Deborah.
340
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:18,751
Oh, nice to meet you. I'm Kathy.
341
00:13:18,752 --> 00:13:19,919
You too.
342
00:13:19,920 --> 00:13:22,254
I sent her this a while ago.
343
00:13:22,255 --> 00:13:25,257
I... I didn't even think she'd open it.
344
00:13:25,258 --> 00:13:28,219
Yeah, I remember.
345
00:13:28,220 --> 00:13:30,721
She was really happy that you did.
346
00:13:30,722 --> 00:13:31,931
Really?
347
00:13:31,932 --> 00:13:34,099
Yeah.
348
00:13:34,100 --> 00:13:35,852
Hmm.
349
00:13:37,646 --> 00:13:38,729
Should we...
350
00:13:38,730 --> 00:13:40,105
Sure.
351
00:13:40,106 --> 00:13:42,149
It's the 13th door on the right.
352
00:13:42,150 --> 00:13:44,235
I'll just follow you.
353
00:13:44,236 --> 00:13:45,611
Yeah.
354
00:13:49,866 --> 00:13:52,493
My life's work.
355
00:13:52,494 --> 00:13:53,911
- Wow.
- Thick.
356
00:13:53,912 --> 00:13:54,995
OK.
357
00:13:54,996 --> 00:13:56,330
- Very heavy.
- Yeah.
358
00:13:56,331 --> 00:13:58,249
Um, well, OK. Thank you so much.
359
00:13:58,250 --> 00:14:00,125
I'm very excited to
read this over break.
360
00:14:00,126 --> 00:14:02,002
No! Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
361
00:14:02,003 --> 00:14:03,921
That's my only copy.
362
00:14:03,922 --> 00:14:06,924
If you read it, you
have to read it here.
363
00:14:06,925 --> 00:14:07,925
Oh.
364
00:14:07,926 --> 00:14:08,968
Um, now?
365
00:14:08,969 --> 00:14:10,844
Yes, Jim.
366
00:14:10,845 --> 00:14:12,638
OK. Um, sure.
367
00:14:12,639 --> 00:14:13,931
Yeah, I could do that.
368
00:14:13,932 --> 00:14:14,974
Yeah, quick reader.
369
00:14:14,975 --> 00:14:17,309
Tremendous! Ha.
370
00:14:17,310 --> 00:14:19,395
I'll go check on the lamb.
371
00:14:19,396 --> 00:14:21,605
- Huh?
- The lamb?
372
00:14:21,606 --> 00:14:24,275
It is Christmas, after all.
373
00:14:24,276 --> 00:14:27,444
Oh, yeah.
374
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:31,615
Oh, shit.
375
00:14:31,616 --> 00:14:32,700
My mom just texted, "I'm pissed."
376
00:14:32,701 --> 00:14:34,159
That means she's pissed.
377
00:14:34,160 --> 00:14:35,661
Now he wants us to eat with him?
378
00:14:35,662 --> 00:14:36,745
Oh, my God.
379
00:14:36,746 --> 00:14:38,497
Jimmy, he's not Jewish!
380
00:14:38,498 --> 00:14:40,207
OK, Kayla, nobody else is thinking about
381
00:14:40,208 --> 00:14:41,834
if he's Jewish or not, OK?
382
00:14:41,835 --> 00:14:44,336
This is making me feel uncomfortable.
383
00:14:44,337 --> 00:14:45,462
Oh, my God, what the hell?
384
00:14:45,463 --> 00:14:46,630
I'm not antisemitic.
385
00:14:46,631 --> 00:14:48,299
Is that what you're implying?
386
00:14:48,300 --> 00:14:50,217
I had a bat mitzvah, and
I'm not even fucking Jewish.
387
00:14:50,218 --> 00:14:51,677
Wait, what?
388
00:14:51,678 --> 00:14:53,220
Well, everybody else was having one.
389
00:14:53,221 --> 00:14:55,389
- Am I gonna not have one?
- Yeah!
390
00:14:55,390 --> 00:14:57,558
Also, I was at that bat mitzvah.
391
00:14:57,559 --> 00:14:59,310
- I have a T-shirt.
- Yeah, and you had a lot
392
00:14:59,311 --> 00:15:00,895
of fun on the dance
floor, so you're welcome.
393
00:15:00,896 --> 00:15:02,563
Yeah, because I thought
I was at a bat mitzvah,
394
00:15:02,564 --> 00:15:04,690
a legit bat mitzvah, a
real Jewish bat mitzvah.
395
00:15:04,691 --> 00:15:07,902
But no, I was at a gentile's
costume party of a bat mitzvah?
396
00:15:07,903 --> 00:15:09,820
- That is bad.
- Whatever.
397
00:15:09,821 --> 00:15:12,865
The point is, he's not
Jewish. He's lonely.
398
00:15:12,866 --> 00:15:14,575
He doesn't want to
spend Christmas alone.
399
00:15:14,576 --> 00:15:16,201
That's why he's trying
to get us to stay here
400
00:15:16,202 --> 00:15:17,703
and read his script and eat his lamb
401
00:15:17,704 --> 00:15:19,622
and play with his crazy bird.
402
00:15:19,623 --> 00:15:21,665
It's actually really sad.
I feel like I'm gonna cry.
403
00:15:21,666 --> 00:15:24,168
Oh, that is really sad.
404
00:15:24,169 --> 00:15:28,214
The lamb has still
got a little life yet.
405
00:15:29,341 --> 00:15:31,467
Do you like the title page?
406
00:15:31,468 --> 00:15:32,885
I do.
407
00:15:32,886 --> 00:15:37,014
Um, so my mom actually loves lamb.
408
00:15:37,015 --> 00:15:38,682
And I was wondering, I don't know,
409
00:15:38,683 --> 00:15:40,434
would you ever consider coming with me
410
00:15:40,435 --> 00:15:42,061
to her house for Christmas?
411
00:15:42,062 --> 00:15:44,355
I could read the script
in the car on the way.
412
00:15:44,356 --> 00:15:45,898
You know what?
413
00:15:45,899 --> 00:15:47,608
Yes.
414
00:15:47,609 --> 00:15:50,527
We can spend Christmas together.
415
00:15:50,528 --> 00:15:53,030
- We?
- My parents are in Aspen.
416
00:15:53,031 --> 00:15:54,782
They forgot to text me.
417
00:15:54,783 --> 00:15:59,119
So as you're reading
it, for Fatty's wife,
418
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:02,957
I'm thinking either Kathy Bates
419
00:16:02,958 --> 00:16:06,043
or Cicely Tyson.
420
00:16:06,044 --> 00:16:08,879
Wow. Hard call.
421
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:10,756
- Hard call.
- Uh-huh.
422
00:16:10,757 --> 00:16:12,132
But let's see who's available.
423
00:16:12,133 --> 00:16:14,885
- Yeah!
- They're both good, yeah.
424
00:16:14,886 --> 00:16:16,136
One's dead.
425
00:16:23,270 --> 00:16:25,521
God.
426
00:16:25,522 --> 00:16:28,399
No chutney, huh?
427
00:16:28,400 --> 00:16:30,025
- You want chutney?
- Yeah.
428
00:16:30,026 --> 00:16:31,569
Priya always incorporates it,
429
00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:33,821
and now I'm addicted to the kick.
430
00:16:33,822 --> 00:16:35,407
I love chutney.
431
00:16:37,867 --> 00:16:40,786
Mmm.
432
00:16:40,787 --> 00:16:42,705
So have you been seeing anyone?
433
00:16:42,706 --> 00:16:45,249
No.
434
00:16:45,250 --> 00:16:47,376
But I have plenty of sex.
435
00:16:47,377 --> 00:16:49,044
Oh.
436
00:16:49,045 --> 00:16:51,338
Good for you.
437
00:16:51,339 --> 00:16:52,673
What do you...
438
00:16:52,674 --> 00:16:54,133
what do you do in your spare time?
439
00:16:54,134 --> 00:16:56,176
Oh, I volunteer at the Salvation Army.
440
00:16:56,177 --> 00:16:57,303
- Oh.
- This time of year is
441
00:16:57,304 --> 00:16:59,513
really busy for us, obviously.
442
00:16:59,514 --> 00:17:02,349
So I actually have been
feeling kind of guilty
443
00:17:02,350 --> 00:17:04,518
that I've neglected my post.
444
00:17:04,519 --> 00:17:06,312
I mean, we can get you a bell,
445
00:17:06,313 --> 00:17:07,688
you can take it outside.
446
00:17:09,024 --> 00:17:10,608
- Kidding.
- Yeah.
447
00:17:16,364 --> 00:17:17,448
- Goose?
- No, I'm good.
448
00:17:17,449 --> 00:17:18,699
- Oh! No.
- Thank you.
449
00:17:18,700 --> 00:17:21,368
Thank you. Sorry.
450
00:17:21,369 --> 00:17:23,746
This pregnancy has me off poultry.
451
00:17:23,747 --> 00:17:26,290
If I even see a feather, I gag.
452
00:17:26,291 --> 00:17:28,959
- Had to get rid of our duvet.
- Mm-hmm.
453
00:17:28,960 --> 00:17:31,670
I have never been
interested in being pregnant.
454
00:17:31,671 --> 00:17:33,505
Of course, I have been. But ugh, gross.
455
00:17:35,217 --> 00:17:36,967
Would you mind getting
me some rolls down here?
456
00:17:36,968 --> 00:17:39,261
You know, I went to Priya's
a cappella competition
457
00:17:39,262 --> 00:17:41,597
last week, and the
girls from Northeastern
458
00:17:41,598 --> 00:17:42,932
destroyed Brandeis.
459
00:17:42,933 --> 00:17:46,143
But Priya was the real standout.
460
00:17:46,144 --> 00:17:47,811
Even the woman next to me said so,
461
00:17:47,812 --> 00:17:50,065
and she had no idea
that we were roommates.
462
00:17:51,733 --> 00:17:54,235
That's nice you went to support her.
463
00:17:54,236 --> 00:17:57,071
Well, she's like the
daughter I never had.
464
00:17:57,072 --> 00:17:59,740
What... what about me?
465
00:17:59,741 --> 00:18:01,575
Oh, you're the daughter I did have.
466
00:18:01,576 --> 00:18:02,743
Ava.
467
00:18:02,744 --> 00:18:04,411
OK, whatever.
468
00:18:04,412 --> 00:18:06,205
Would you like some goose?
469
00:18:06,206 --> 00:18:08,165
Oh, no thank you. I don't eat meat.
470
00:18:08,166 --> 00:18:09,583
Oh.
471
00:18:09,584 --> 00:18:11,043
What?
472
00:18:11,044 --> 00:18:13,254
Yeah, for 30 years now.
473
00:18:13,255 --> 00:18:15,589
You used to eat sausage
three links at a time.
474
00:18:15,590 --> 00:18:18,259
Well, yeah, maybe as a kid.
475
00:18:18,260 --> 00:18:19,760
But I can't.
476
00:18:19,761 --> 00:18:22,096
I mean, the meat industry is horrendous.
477
00:18:22,097 --> 00:18:23,973
Oh, tell me about it.
478
00:18:23,974 --> 00:18:25,891
I mean, have you seen the way
they force-feed the animals?
479
00:18:25,892 --> 00:18:27,851
- Yeah.
- Could you pass me the goose?
480
00:18:27,852 --> 00:18:29,061
- Oh, sure.
- Yeah, I'd love it.
481
00:18:30,897 --> 00:18:32,856
I got your goose!
482
00:18:32,857 --> 00:18:34,191
You are so silly.
483
00:18:42,909 --> 00:18:44,743
Do you like the font?
484
00:18:44,744 --> 00:18:46,328
Yeah.
485
00:18:46,329 --> 00:18:48,205
I put the jokes in Comic Sans
486
00:18:48,206 --> 00:18:49,999
so you know they're
supposed to be funny.
487
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:51,750
Ah, now that makes sense. OK, I get it.
488
00:18:51,751 --> 00:18:53,460
You know, most scripts
stick to one font.
489
00:18:53,461 --> 00:18:55,212
But that's a missed
opportunity, 'cause this is...
490
00:18:55,213 --> 00:18:56,755
it makes it voice-y, which is good.
491
00:18:56,756 --> 00:18:58,215
- It's fun.
- Very voice-y.
492
00:19:03,138 --> 00:19:04,597
Do you think it's confusing
493
00:19:04,598 --> 00:19:08,475
that there's another
character named Fatty?
494
00:19:08,476 --> 00:19:09,560
There is?
495
00:19:09,561 --> 00:19:11,228
- Uh-huh.
- OK, I'm sorry.
496
00:19:11,229 --> 00:19:12,313
I think I have to start over, then,
497
00:19:12,314 --> 00:19:13,939
'cause I did not realize that.
498
00:19:13,940 --> 00:19:15,608
Just put in Fatty One
and Fatty Two, obviously.
499
00:19:15,609 --> 00:19:16,984
- There you go.
- Make it more clear, right?
500
00:19:16,985 --> 00:19:18,652
Yeah. Keep going.
501
00:19:18,653 --> 00:19:20,447
- OK.
- Keep going.
502
00:19:23,992 --> 00:19:26,702
Do you think it's too character-damaging
503
00:19:26,703 --> 00:19:31,415
that Fatty steals from
his sister's piggy bank?
504
00:19:31,416 --> 00:19:33,667
No, no, you... I think you justify it
505
00:19:33,668 --> 00:19:35,920
because of his desperate
need for "sody pop."
506
00:19:35,921 --> 00:19:38,088
- Oh.
- So he wants it bad, and...
507
00:19:38,089 --> 00:19:39,131
- Maybe.
- It's an addiction.
508
00:19:39,132 --> 00:19:40,507
I think it's an addiction,
509
00:19:40,508 --> 00:19:41,884
and it's like, you know, any addiction.
510
00:19:41,885 --> 00:19:43,386
Just keep... keep reading, yeah.
511
00:19:46,181 --> 00:19:49,935
Boy, women drivers.
512
00:19:51,811 --> 00:19:53,020
Amazing.
513
00:19:55,148 --> 00:19:57,024
Ooh, Prada!
514
00:19:57,025 --> 00:19:58,525
Ooh.
515
00:19:58,526 --> 00:19:59,985
Thank you, Deborah.
516
00:19:59,986 --> 00:20:01,779
You're welcome.
517
00:20:01,780 --> 00:20:03,697
- Whoo!
- That's nice.
518
00:20:03,698 --> 00:20:05,866
OK, time for DJ's big present.
519
00:20:05,867 --> 00:20:07,534
She always opens her
little gifts from Santa
520
00:20:07,535 --> 00:20:09,495
on Christmas morning,
but after we eat dinner,
521
00:20:09,496 --> 00:20:10,996
she gets her big one from me.
522
00:20:10,997 --> 00:20:13,999
Uh, Damien, bring it in.
523
00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:15,626
- Oh, a little baby jail.
- Oh, my gosh.
524
00:20:15,627 --> 00:20:17,628
- Oh, wow.
- Ooh.
525
00:20:17,629 --> 00:20:19,630
Isn't it gorgeous?
526
00:20:19,631 --> 00:20:22,132
It's so pretty.
527
00:20:22,133 --> 00:20:23,842
- Thank you, Mom.
- Oh, you're welcome.
528
00:20:23,843 --> 00:20:27,137
Mom, thank you so much.
That's amazing, babe.
529
00:20:27,138 --> 00:20:28,347
Now we can have one for our house,
530
00:20:28,348 --> 00:20:29,682
and we can have one for here.
531
00:20:29,683 --> 00:20:31,976
- Uh...
- What do you mean?
532
00:20:31,977 --> 00:20:33,310
- What?
- You already have a crib?
533
00:20:33,311 --> 00:20:35,062
- Well...
- Um...
534
00:20:35,063 --> 00:20:36,772
I thought... I thought
you weren't buying
535
00:20:36,773 --> 00:20:39,066
anything for the nursery
till the third trimester.
536
00:20:39,067 --> 00:20:41,277
No. That's true, and I didn't.
537
00:20:41,278 --> 00:20:43,195
It was just a gift.
538
00:20:43,196 --> 00:20:44,530
From who?
539
00:20:44,531 --> 00:20:45,698
Um...
540
00:20:45,699 --> 00:20:48,242
I... I got it for them.
541
00:20:48,243 --> 00:20:50,452
Oh.
542
00:20:50,453 --> 00:20:52,538
Well, I'm sure Filene's Basement has
543
00:20:52,539 --> 00:20:53,873
an excellent return policy.
544
00:20:53,874 --> 00:20:55,749
- Mom, come on.
- No, no.
545
00:20:55,750 --> 00:20:58,752
I... I just... you
know, I didn't realize
546
00:20:58,753 --> 00:21:01,422
you two were that close.
547
00:21:01,423 --> 00:21:02,715
I... it's lovely.
548
00:21:04,593 --> 00:21:07,344
You know, I think I will go
help myself to some dessert.
549
00:21:07,345 --> 00:21:08,929
Can I get anyone anything?
550
00:21:08,930 --> 00:21:10,431
Oh, I'd like a chai if there is any.
551
00:21:10,432 --> 00:21:12,057
Mom.
552
00:21:12,058 --> 00:21:13,267
I'll see.
553
00:21:13,268 --> 00:21:15,102
Since when? Since when?
554
00:21:15,103 --> 00:21:16,562
I'm sorry, Mom.
555
00:21:16,563 --> 00:21:18,439
We'll use both. Please don't be upset.
556
00:21:18,440 --> 00:21:19,565
No, I'm not upset.
557
00:21:19,566 --> 00:21:21,692
Why would I be upset?
558
00:21:21,693 --> 00:21:24,028
Oh, shoot!
559
00:21:24,029 --> 00:21:26,405
Darn it! Shoot, shoot, shoot.
560
00:21:26,406 --> 00:21:28,282
- What did you do?
- Nothing.
561
00:21:28,283 --> 00:21:29,992
- What did you do?
- Uh, nothing.
562
00:21:29,993 --> 00:21:31,201
I was just reaching for this gumdrop...
563
00:21:31,202 --> 00:21:32,578
It's decorative!
564
00:21:32,579 --> 00:21:33,996
What? Why would you...
565
00:21:33,997 --> 00:21:35,456
I thought you said it was edible.
566
00:21:35,457 --> 00:21:36,999
Well, just because it's edible
567
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,793
doesn't mean you can eat it!
568
00:21:41,630 --> 00:21:43,839
I'm sorry, Deborah.
569
00:21:43,840 --> 00:21:45,674
It's ruined.
570
00:21:51,223 --> 00:21:53,432
Joanne, you can put that
on the table for me, please.
571
00:21:53,433 --> 00:21:54,600
Thank you.
572
00:21:54,601 --> 00:21:56,101
- Hey, Mom?
- Oh.
573
00:21:56,102 --> 00:21:57,561
Hi. Merry Christmas.
574
00:21:57,562 --> 00:21:58,687
Finally!
575
00:21:58,688 --> 00:21:59,939
- There you are.
- Hi.
576
00:21:59,940 --> 00:22:01,482
- Sorry we're late.
- Oh.
577
00:22:01,483 --> 00:22:04,235
Um, Mom, this is Larry.
578
00:22:04,236 --> 00:22:05,778
Larry, this is my mother, Deidre.
579
00:22:05,779 --> 00:22:07,988
And um, Larry's brought lamb.
580
00:22:07,989 --> 00:22:09,949
Oh. Hi, Larry.
581
00:22:09,950 --> 00:22:11,617
Hi.
582
00:22:11,618 --> 00:22:13,244
You know, the only thing
I like more than lamb
583
00:22:13,245 --> 00:22:15,120
is a man who knows how to cook it.
584
00:22:15,121 --> 00:22:18,249
Oh, well, try it before you propose.
585
00:22:18,250 --> 00:22:20,584
Oh! And you're funny.
586
00:22:20,585 --> 00:22:22,461
I like funny, and I'm a hugger.
587
00:22:22,462 --> 00:22:24,838
Come on. Bring it in.
588
00:22:24,839 --> 00:22:26,799
- OK, new dad alert.
- Kayla.
589
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,968
- They have chemistry.
- Cool it.
590
00:22:40,188 --> 00:22:42,107
I'm sorry about the gingerbread.
591
00:22:43,858 --> 00:22:45,859
Well, you were always
good at wrecking homes.
592
00:22:50,073 --> 00:22:51,949
I didn't mean to overstep with the crib.
593
00:22:51,950 --> 00:22:56,537
It's just... I'm excited about the baby.
594
00:22:56,538 --> 00:22:58,998
You and DJ are the
only family I have left,
595
00:22:58,999 --> 00:23:02,751
and you're not exactly in my life.
596
00:23:02,752 --> 00:23:05,045
And whose fault is that?
597
00:23:05,046 --> 00:23:07,214
Mine.
598
00:23:07,215 --> 00:23:09,508
And I'm sorry.
599
00:23:09,509 --> 00:23:11,552
There's not a day I don't feel sorry.
600
00:23:11,553 --> 00:23:15,723
I... I've tried to say
that to you for so long.
601
00:23:15,724 --> 00:23:17,683
Well, you stopped.
602
00:23:17,684 --> 00:23:19,853
Yeah, because I saw your special.
603
00:23:21,229 --> 00:23:24,064
I was nice to you in my special.
604
00:23:24,065 --> 00:23:25,900
I mean, I took ownership
and all that crap.
605
00:23:25,901 --> 00:23:27,735
Exactly.
606
00:23:27,736 --> 00:23:29,904
It seemed like you understood
how complicated it was.
607
00:23:29,905 --> 00:23:31,572
It almost sounded like you forgave me.
608
00:23:31,573 --> 00:23:34,450
But then I still never heard from you,
609
00:23:34,451 --> 00:23:36,410
and that just broke my heart, Deborah.
610
00:23:36,411 --> 00:23:37,870
Where are you going?
611
00:23:37,871 --> 00:23:40,414
I don't want to see you cry.
612
00:23:40,415 --> 00:23:43,584
It's OK if I cry. I'm sad.
613
00:23:43,585 --> 00:23:46,337
You do not get to be sad.
614
00:23:46,338 --> 00:23:48,505
I lost my family.
615
00:23:48,506 --> 00:23:51,550
I lost everything!
616
00:23:51,551 --> 00:23:53,595
I never meant for that to happen.
617
00:23:55,305 --> 00:23:57,723
Why'd you do it?
618
00:23:57,724 --> 00:23:59,266
I didn't come here to make excuses
619
00:23:59,267 --> 00:24:01,101
for something that happened so long ago.
620
00:24:01,102 --> 00:24:02,311
Oh, please.
621
00:24:02,312 --> 00:24:03,855
No, I would love a fucking excuse.
622
00:24:05,106 --> 00:24:06,440
Fine.
623
00:24:07,943 --> 00:24:09,693
That summer you went to make that movie,
624
00:24:09,694 --> 00:24:14,114
and I moved into the
house to help with DJ...
625
00:24:14,115 --> 00:24:17,451
and, uh, it only
happened a couple times,
626
00:24:17,452 --> 00:24:20,120
but I felt horrible, and I ended it.
627
00:24:20,121 --> 00:24:22,748
But then you got late night,
and Frank got really jealous
628
00:24:22,749 --> 00:24:25,125
and told you about us, I think
to throw you off your game.
629
00:24:25,126 --> 00:24:26,877
Oh. Oh, I see.
630
00:24:26,878 --> 00:24:28,879
It was my fault because I was ambitious?
631
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:30,130
Give me a break.
632
00:24:30,131 --> 00:24:32,299
You just asked me to explain!
633
00:24:32,300 --> 00:24:34,134
Look, I'm your sister, and
I shouldn't have done it.
634
00:24:34,135 --> 00:24:35,636
But you two weren't even sleeping
635
00:24:35,637 --> 00:24:38,264
in the same room for months.
636
00:24:38,265 --> 00:24:41,141
He made the first move,
and I was only 19 years old,
637
00:24:41,142 --> 00:24:42,518
so give me a fucking break.
638
00:24:42,519 --> 00:24:44,103
You stayed married to him.
639
00:24:44,104 --> 00:24:45,854
Yeah, because he made me happy.
640
00:24:45,855 --> 00:24:47,439
I mean, you don't want to hear this,
641
00:24:47,440 --> 00:24:49,108
but we were a better
match than you two were.
642
00:24:49,109 --> 00:24:52,570
And thank God, because...
643
00:24:52,571 --> 00:24:54,531
because I lost my sister for it.
644
00:24:56,199 --> 00:24:57,950
Well, I'm sorry you've
been in so much pain.
645
00:24:57,951 --> 00:25:00,494
Well, I have been.
646
00:25:00,495 --> 00:25:02,663
I've also paid for it.
647
00:25:02,664 --> 00:25:05,833
I've taken all your
punishment over the years.
648
00:25:05,834 --> 00:25:09,128
Billboards for all your
specials on my street.
649
00:25:09,129 --> 00:25:11,338
You told Katie Couric I can't read.
650
00:25:11,339 --> 00:25:13,632
- That was a joke.
- Oh.
651
00:25:13,633 --> 00:25:16,427
You had missing person
posters with my picture on it
652
00:25:16,428 --> 00:25:18,304
made up and put all over Monterey
653
00:25:18,305 --> 00:25:19,805
with my phone number.
654
00:25:19,806 --> 00:25:21,348
I got phone calls for months from people
655
00:25:21,349 --> 00:25:22,766
saying they'd seen
me in the supermarket,
656
00:25:22,767 --> 00:25:23,809
and I looked horrible.
657
00:25:25,186 --> 00:25:27,313
It's not funny.
658
00:25:27,314 --> 00:25:28,355
No, it's not funny.
659
00:25:28,356 --> 00:25:29,481
It's hysterical.
660
00:25:36,114 --> 00:25:37,448
- Oh!
- Oh!
661
00:25:37,449 --> 00:25:39,825
- That's expensive snow!
- Oh, my God.
662
00:25:39,826 --> 00:25:41,619
God damn it!
663
00:25:43,246 --> 00:25:45,080
Oh!
664
00:25:45,081 --> 00:25:46,749
Ow! Oh, my God!
665
00:25:46,750 --> 00:25:49,460
Ow, it burns! Why does it burn?
666
00:25:49,461 --> 00:25:50,753
- Shit!
- Chemicals!
667
00:25:50,754 --> 00:25:52,504
- It's methylene chloride!
- What?
668
00:25:52,505 --> 00:25:54,173
It's the only way you can
get a six-sided crystal!
669
00:25:54,174 --> 00:25:55,883
Then why would you throw it at me?
670
00:25:55,884 --> 00:25:57,635
- 'Cause you started it!
- Ow!
671
00:25:57,636 --> 00:25:59,803
Oh, God, come here!
672
00:25:59,804 --> 00:26:00,971
Come here.
673
00:26:00,972 --> 00:26:02,598
Oh, my God. Shit!
674
00:26:02,599 --> 00:26:03,724
Watch out, watch out,
watch out, watch out.
675
00:26:03,725 --> 00:26:04,934
- Oh!
- Careful.
676
00:26:04,935 --> 00:26:06,143
- Ow.
- Oh, stop.
677
00:26:06,144 --> 00:26:07,311
- Over here.
- It's burning.
678
00:26:07,312 --> 00:26:08,437
Get some water on your face.
679
00:26:08,438 --> 00:26:09,772
Oh, my God.
680
00:26:09,773 --> 00:26:12,066
Here, I've got... I've got a... here.
681
00:26:12,067 --> 00:26:13,359
Here... here's a tissue.
682
00:26:13,360 --> 00:26:15,986
Oh, God.
683
00:26:15,987 --> 00:26:17,363
Oh.
684
00:26:17,364 --> 00:26:19,657
- Is it better?
- No.
685
00:26:19,658 --> 00:26:21,158
No.
686
00:26:21,159 --> 00:26:22,493
Ow.
687
00:26:24,996 --> 00:26:27,331
Listen, I...
688
00:26:27,332 --> 00:26:29,583
I appreciate you inviting me for DJ,
689
00:26:29,584 --> 00:26:32,045
but she shouldn't have forced it.
690
00:26:34,422 --> 00:26:36,924
She didn't.
691
00:26:36,925 --> 00:26:42,054
I was also hoping that I
could, you know, do this.
692
00:26:42,055 --> 00:26:43,431
I don't think I can.
693
00:26:45,892 --> 00:26:47,017
Debbie, you have so much.
694
00:26:47,018 --> 00:26:48,602
- Oh, God.
- You have...
695
00:26:48,603 --> 00:26:50,062
- Yeah.
- An incredible career.
696
00:26:50,063 --> 00:26:51,522
You have a beautiful daughter.
697
00:26:51,523 --> 00:26:53,649
You have a grandchild on the way.
698
00:26:53,650 --> 00:26:55,777
You've got six-sided crystals.
699
00:26:57,946 --> 00:27:01,365
I just wish you could
get over not having Frank.
700
00:27:01,366 --> 00:27:05,035
It wasn't just that he left me.
701
00:27:05,036 --> 00:27:08,123
It was that you left me too.
702
00:27:11,626 --> 00:27:13,878
I was really hoping this would be nice.
703
00:27:13,879 --> 00:27:17,089
But, um,
704
00:27:17,090 --> 00:27:22,262
I'm just still so angry at you.
705
00:27:24,306 --> 00:27:26,516
I don't want to be, but I am.
706
00:27:28,143 --> 00:27:29,476
Well, that's something.
707
00:27:29,477 --> 00:27:31,145
I thought you loved being angry.
708
00:27:31,146 --> 00:27:34,732
You kidding?
709
00:27:34,733 --> 00:27:36,650
Frown lines are the hardest to treat.
710
00:27:38,111 --> 00:27:41,322
I don't want it to be like this.
711
00:27:41,323 --> 00:27:44,034
Mom wouldn't have wanted
it to be like this.
712
00:27:45,327 --> 00:27:49,371
No, she wouldn't.
713
00:27:49,372 --> 00:27:51,290
Well, maybe Christmas
wasn't the best time
714
00:27:51,291 --> 00:27:55,169
to have tried this.
715
00:27:55,170 --> 00:27:59,216
Maybe we could try it
some other time, just us?
716
00:28:01,218 --> 00:28:03,093
Yeah.
717
00:28:03,094 --> 00:28:05,180
OK.
718
00:28:07,557 --> 00:28:09,475
Great.
719
00:28:09,476 --> 00:28:13,145
And I'm sorry again about
the gingerbread house.
720
00:28:13,146 --> 00:28:14,355
That was insane.
721
00:28:17,525 --> 00:28:19,443
Sorry.
722
00:28:19,444 --> 00:28:22,154
Ava, my God, look at this right now!
723
00:28:22,155 --> 00:28:25,032
I am in freaking "Willy Wonka."
724
00:28:25,033 --> 00:28:27,618
Is... is there a Willy Wonka town?
725
00:28:27,619 --> 00:28:29,119
- Because I am in it.
- Ugh.
726
00:28:32,624 --> 00:28:36,669
Weren't you supposed to,
like, go visit sick kids?
727
00:28:36,670 --> 00:28:38,212
Oh, shit.
728
00:28:38,213 --> 00:28:41,048
- What time is it?
- I think, like, 8:00-ish.
729
00:28:41,049 --> 00:28:42,466
Oh, God. It's too late.
730
00:28:42,467 --> 00:28:44,385
Visiting hours are over.
731
00:28:44,386 --> 00:28:45,886
What are you gonna do,
you know what I mean?
732
00:28:45,887 --> 00:28:47,763
I can't do everything.
733
00:28:47,764 --> 00:28:49,598
Plus, they got clowns and dogs
and stuff to entertain 'em.
734
00:28:49,599 --> 00:28:51,350
They're OK.
735
00:28:51,351 --> 00:28:53,435
God, I gotta go to the bathroom.
736
00:28:53,436 --> 00:28:55,229
I gotta go number three,
if you know what I mean.
737
00:28:59,401 --> 00:29:02,736
Have you seen "Slumdog Millionaire"?
738
00:29:02,737 --> 00:29:04,697
OK.
739
00:29:04,698 --> 00:29:07,866
I gotta be honest, Mom, this is
starting to feel really weird.
740
00:29:07,867 --> 00:29:09,618
Like, you're, like,
741
00:29:09,619 --> 00:29:11,912
fetishizing South Asian
culture or something.
742
00:29:11,913 --> 00:29:14,707
Why would you say that?
I do not have a fetish.
743
00:29:14,708 --> 00:29:16,458
That's a nasty word.
744
00:29:16,459 --> 00:29:18,252
No, I... I just mean it feels like
745
00:29:18,253 --> 00:29:20,087
you're kind of appropriating it.
746
00:29:20,088 --> 00:29:23,090
I mean, is it so bad that
I'm enjoying a new culture?
747
00:29:23,091 --> 00:29:26,176
I'm trying new food, I'm...
I'm wearing this bindi.
748
00:29:26,177 --> 00:29:27,761
You're not wearing a bindi.
749
00:29:27,762 --> 00:29:31,765
Well, I... shit, where's my bindi?
750
00:29:31,766 --> 00:29:34,435
I... I had a bindi.
751
00:29:34,436 --> 00:29:36,604
I... it fell off.
752
00:29:36,605 --> 00:29:40,691
I mean, Ava, I mean, is
it... is it a fetish any time
753
00:29:40,692 --> 00:29:43,027
a white person decides to
take an interest in a culture
754
00:29:43,028 --> 00:29:44,945
that isn't their own?
755
00:29:44,946 --> 00:29:47,948
Because then I'm proud
to have a fetish, OK?
756
00:29:47,949 --> 00:29:50,576
I mean, it's hard being an
immigrant in this country
757
00:29:50,577 --> 00:29:52,828
right now, at least
according to a little program
758
00:29:52,829 --> 00:29:54,956
called "On the Contrary."
759
00:29:56,333 --> 00:29:58,000
You don't watch "On the Contrary."
760
00:29:58,001 --> 00:29:59,501
Every Sunday.
761
00:29:59,502 --> 00:30:01,378
And if I don't think something's funny,
762
00:30:01,379 --> 00:30:03,714
then Priya tells me why it's funny,
763
00:30:03,715 --> 00:30:05,341
and then I get it.
764
00:30:05,342 --> 00:30:08,886
I mean, is that a fetish, Ava?
765
00:30:08,887 --> 00:30:10,971
No. No, it's not.
766
00:30:10,972 --> 00:30:15,059
It's, um, really nice, actually.
767
00:30:15,060 --> 00:30:17,228
- OK.
- Thank you, Mom.
768
00:30:17,229 --> 00:30:19,104
You're welcome.
769
00:30:19,105 --> 00:30:21,649
And now I want you to try this,
770
00:30:21,650 --> 00:30:23,150
because what I did is,
771
00:30:23,151 --> 00:30:26,278
I dumped coriander all over this fudge.
772
00:30:26,279 --> 00:30:28,280
It's really delicious.
773
00:30:28,281 --> 00:30:30,157
It's just like your
grandmother used to make,
774
00:30:30,158 --> 00:30:32,117
except now with coriander.
775
00:30:32,118 --> 00:30:33,452
- Uh...
- Right?
776
00:30:33,453 --> 00:30:34,495
Oh, my God.
777
00:30:34,496 --> 00:30:36,747
- Oh, come on.
- No.
778
00:30:36,748 --> 00:30:40,834
So Fatty said, "You know what
would make it really funny?
779
00:30:40,835 --> 00:30:42,836
If you did it with a mustache."
780
00:30:44,464 --> 00:30:48,175
And that kid was
Charlie goddamn Chaplin!
781
00:30:48,176 --> 00:30:49,426
No!
782
00:30:49,427 --> 00:30:50,594
Yes!
783
00:30:52,013 --> 00:30:54,014
That is the best twist I've ever heard.
784
00:30:54,015 --> 00:30:55,683
Even better than an evil twin.
785
00:30:55,684 --> 00:30:58,435
Evil twin?
786
00:30:58,436 --> 00:30:59,853
Kayla, sweetie, would you give me
787
00:30:59,854 --> 00:31:01,021
a hand clearing, please?
788
00:31:01,022 --> 00:31:02,941
Absolutely, gorgeous.
789
00:31:07,362 --> 00:31:10,489
Well, what do you think?
790
00:31:10,490 --> 00:31:14,201
Honestly, I think you could
lose the dream sequence.
791
00:31:14,202 --> 00:31:16,412
- Which one?
- All of them,
792
00:31:16,413 --> 00:31:18,038
especially the sex
dream about Clara Bow.
793
00:31:18,039 --> 00:31:19,540
And you know, you might
want to use one font.
794
00:31:19,541 --> 00:31:21,417
Aw.
795
00:31:21,418 --> 00:31:23,544
But look, I didn't know what
to expect in the beginning.
796
00:31:23,545 --> 00:31:25,504
And obviously, it could use some edits.
797
00:31:25,505 --> 00:31:28,549
But I think it's actually
a really good script.
798
00:31:28,550 --> 00:31:30,885
- Do you mean that?
- I do.
799
00:31:30,886 --> 00:31:32,386
I mean, you're an amazing writer.
800
00:31:32,387 --> 00:31:33,846
I can't believe it's your first script.
801
00:31:33,847 --> 00:31:36,015
And the story is so compelling.
802
00:31:36,016 --> 00:31:39,560
I really think you should think
about making this with Jack Danby.
803
00:31:39,561 --> 00:31:41,562
He's super-hot right
now, and attaching him
804
00:31:41,563 --> 00:31:43,397
could get something like this made.
805
00:31:43,398 --> 00:31:44,899
I'll tell you what.
806
00:31:44,900 --> 00:31:47,735
I don't know this Jack character.
807
00:31:47,736 --> 00:31:52,406
But after today, I
know this much, Jimmy.
808
00:31:52,407 --> 00:31:54,950
I like you.
809
00:31:54,951 --> 00:31:57,828
And no surprise with a mother like that.
810
00:31:59,581 --> 00:32:03,835
So I'll do it on one condition.
811
00:32:05,212 --> 00:32:06,629
You produce it.
812
00:32:06,630 --> 00:32:08,672
Oh. OK.
813
00:32:08,673 --> 00:32:11,258
Sure. Yeah. Deal.
814
00:32:11,259 --> 00:32:15,012
This Jack guy is really lucky
to have you as a manager.
815
00:32:15,013 --> 00:32:17,556
Oh, he doesn't even know.
816
00:32:22,979 --> 00:32:25,522
Why did you get me this?
817
00:32:25,523 --> 00:32:27,775
It's fun. Just chop the blocks.
818
00:32:27,776 --> 00:32:28,901
I am!
819
00:32:28,902 --> 00:32:30,778
Ah! Ah!
820
00:32:30,779 --> 00:32:33,364
- Deborah. Deborah!
- What?
821
00:32:33,365 --> 00:32:34,698
Jimmy's on the phone.
822
00:32:34,699 --> 00:32:36,408
Well, ask him what he wants.
823
00:32:36,409 --> 00:32:38,912
She's busy working. What is it?
824
00:32:40,956 --> 00:32:42,707
You're back in the mix for late night.
825
00:32:44,376 --> 00:32:46,752
Holy shit!
826
00:32:46,753 --> 00:32:47,753
How?
827
00:32:47,754 --> 00:32:50,422
Danby's out.
828
00:32:50,423 --> 00:32:52,550
Pursuing dramatic roles.
829
00:32:52,551 --> 00:32:54,802
It's between you and the X Games guy.
830
00:32:54,803 --> 00:32:57,638
Oh, my God.
831
00:32:57,639 --> 00:33:00,307
Jimmy?
832
00:33:00,308 --> 00:33:03,811
It's a Christmas miracle!
833
00:33:07,000 --> 00:33:12,000
- Synced and corrected by chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
56856
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