All language subtitles for Freaky Stories - 1x02 - Goys & Ghouls_Legendas01.ENG

¶ [SPOOKY THEME
MUSIC THROUGHOUT] ¶

¶¶

LARRY:
Hey... how're you doin'?

Uh... gotta get this
over with quick.

You see...

I've got a date.

Hello beautiful!!

Her name is Suzanne.

Oh... she lives in the
dumpster in back of

Chez Elegante...
oh real classy.

And Suzanne she is a looker.

Big brown eyes, a
figure you can't believe

and a set of feelers...

Oh baby!

Personality? Sense of humor?

Intelligence? Get Real!
[LAUGHS]

The most important
thing in life is... uh...

Looks!

Larry, Larry, Larry,
Oh Larry???

What? What?

This beautiful roach
left this for you.

What?

I should get danger pay for
being so close to

this part of Maurice.

[LAUGHS]

Hold on...

Dear Larry, Sorry I
can't make it tonight,

but I'm going out
with Sidney...

[LAUGHS] Hey, everybody!
Larry got stood up!

Larry got stood up!
Larry got stood up!

I... I... I've never
been stood up --

I'm... It's... I'm shocked.
I need some time to...

I'll be okay.
And I'll be right back

after this Freaky Story.

STUDENT:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine.

Alice, a Computer Science
major just like me.

Oh, some people thought she
was a geek, because

she created her own
software program...

The Maximum Efficiency
Life Organizer

or M.E.L.O. for short.

You see Alice didn't believe
in leaving anything

to chance and M.E.L.O. kept
her life perfectly organized.

There was only one thing Alice
couldn't control...

how she felt around Gord.

Mr. Big Man On Campus.
Mr. I'm-so- good-looking.

Every time Alice saw Gord
she would get this nervous

rumbling in the pit
of her stomach.

But Alice decided that with
the help of M.E.L.O.,

Gord would be hers.

Phase 1 SETTING UP THE DATE:
In exchange for designing a

spreadsheet a mutual friend
set them up on a blind date.

Check.

Phase 2 THE MAKEOVER: Alice
scoured the web for the latest

fashion trends, scanned in a
picture of herself and

superimposed the
right hairstyle,

makeup, clothes,
and accessories.

Check.

Phase 3 COMMON INTERESTS:
Alice boned up on fascinating

subjects of earthshattering
proportions. Check.

Finally, came
THE DAY OF THE DATE.

If Alice was to be ready for
Gord by 8:pm that evening,

she'd have to adhere to every

second of M.E.L.O.'s schedule.

But at 4:46 Alice
realized she was starving!

She scanned the itinerary,
but M.E.L.O. didn't

schedule time to eat!

But if she didn't eat she
was going to faint.

Alice raced to the kitchen.

She checked the
cupboards, the bread box,

even the cookie jar.

There was nothing. Her last
hope was the fridge...

Mustard? No.

Sour milk? Gross!

A bowl of leftover chili?
That would have to do.

Alice scarfed it down
and flew back upstairs

to resume preparation.

And at 7:59 there she stood
in front of the mirror -

finished.

Following M.E.L.O.'s plans,
Alice transformed herself

into a babe.

Then she felt a rumble
in the pit of her stomach.

But Alice knew it was
just a nervous reaction

to thinking about Gord.

Ding - Dong.

And there he was!

Alice opened the door.

The look on his face told
Alice that Gord was nailed.

Except she just wished
that, that feeling in

her stomach would go away.

Then it hit her!

These weren't the usual
nervous rumblings she got

around Gord.

The chili she'd eaten earlier
was giving her gas!

Oh no! Not tonight!

Gord made small talk but
all Alice could think of

was her giant gas cramp.

Then, once again her
genius mind came up with

the perfect plan.

Gord held open the car door as
Alice eased herself

into her seat.

He closed the door and began
to walk around the car.

Quickly she rolled down the
window, let 'er rip

and fanned the rank fumes
into the cool night air.

Ah, h, h, h.

Mission accomplished.

Gord got in.

He smiled and asked "Alice,
have you met Ron and Donna?"

Alice turned and
looked into a pair of

horrified faces gasping for
air in the back seat.

Hey, it's a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

No, Alice never did go out
with Gord again.

But I know where you can find
a used computer really cheap.

LARRY: Letters,
we get letters,

we get lots and
lot of letters...

Our first letter...

... is from --

Paulo, a caterpillar
living in Buenos Aires.

Dear Larry,
My girlfriend, Carmen,

caught me playing footsie
with a centipede --

When you play
footsie with centipede,

you really play footsie.

Bada-boom!
[RIMSHOT]

How do I get back with Carmen?

Signed, Footloose.

Come here Mr. Camera . . .

That's it, That's it,
far enough!

Dear Footloose,

who cares!

Well now, am I over my little
snit of disappointment?

Ah, Hmmm, Ah, Hmmm, Ah...

No.

Oh, Larry you
help everybody else,

Why won't you help me.

What do you want?

I want to be charming.

[LAUGHS]
It'll never happen.

Please Teach me, Larry,
teach me to be charming.

Later. Maybe. When I recover.

I've had a little trauma
here you know.

Now let's have a Freaky Story.
It'll make me feel better --

TEENAGER CHARLIE HAUCK:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend of a
friend of mine.

Scotty was fourteen.
Nice guy. Good grades.

But he was shy around girls.

I mean, not just a little
tongue tied...

If a girl even came near, the
part of his brain that

controlled his speech would
suddenly spaz up and he'd be

babbling baby talk.

And what's worse, he'd just
moved and started at our

school where he
knew no one at all.

Now, there was this one girl
he really had his eye on.

Sarah. Really smart
and really cute.

She was in a couple of his
classes and she used

the same crosswalk at
Fifth Street as him

every morning on her
way to school.

She'd smile at Scotty
and say hello...

but Scotty, the best
he could manage was

some kind of gurgling sound.

And every morning he'd
practice what he was going to

say to Sarah before he left his
house in the bathroom mirror.

But at school his tongue
would tangle up in his mouth

as soon as Sarah got
within ten feet of him.

So one morning, Scotty went to
the crosswalk all revved

up to ask Sarah to
the school dance.

He spotted her.
She spotted him.

She smiled, and said hello.

He tripped over his tongue.

She just shrugged
and walked away.

Scotty stood there, banging
his head against a mailbox.

Then, from out of
nowhere, this girl --

about the same age as Sarah,

strolled up to him and said
"Hi, I'm Jennifer."

And it must have
been a miracle,

but Scotty's tongue untied
itself and he said

"Hi, I'm Scotty."

She said, "I couldn't help
notice you banging your head

against that mailbox.

Anything wrong?"

Scotty told her, no...
not really...

and they start to walk along,
talking about stuff.

Nothing major. Just
things like the weather,

or that new song on the radio.

And Scotty started to relax.

Soon he was talking to her, as
if she was one of his

basketball buddies.

He'd suddenly realized girls
weren't scary, after all.

It seemed like no time had
passed at all when they

arrived at school.

Jennifer said that she'd
really enjoyed talking with

him, but she didn't go
to this school anymore.

Okay, he thought,
just his luck.

But then, she leaned over,
gave him a kiss on the cheek,

and walked away.

Well, Scotty was suddenly a
whole different person.

He strolled down the
school hallways, saying,

"Hi, " to this girl,
"Howdee, " to that girl.

He'd gained a new confidence.

He walked right up to Sarah
and, could hardly believe it,

but real words came out.

They talked a while and
he asked her out.

But the even bigger surprise
was, she said yes.

Scotty was so grateful
to Jennifer for

turning his life around, he
wanted to thank her.

He got her address from the
phone book and after school,

took all money
he had on him --

and bought a nice
bouquet of flowers.

He hurried to
Jennifer's house,

hoping that she hadn't
moved or anything.

He found the place, all right.

It looked pretty much like all
other houses on the block.

He rang the bell.

This lady, looking kind
of like she's had

a bad time of it
lately, answered.

He said, "Hi, is Jennifer
home from school yet?"

She smiled at him for awhile,

like it was some old joke
she'd heard before,

then she said, "Is she up to
her old tricks again?"

"Old tricks?"

Scotty had no idea what she
was talking about.

So she explained, "Jennifer
likes to help people."

And Scotty said,
"She sure Helped me."

And the lady went on to tell
him how Jennifer came back

every year on that date to
find someone who needed help.

Scotty thought for a
second and asked,

"Back from where?"

The lady said,

"Jennifer died ten years ago,
this very day.

I guess she'll
keep coming back

as long as she's needed."

This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

Whenever Scotty
comes back to town,

he goes down to Fifth Street.

But no Jennifer. She must
be helping someone else.

[KISSES PAPER]
Ahh... Oh! I'm back!

Okay, so you want to
know why I'm depressed.

Look at this.

Is she the best thing on six
legs you've ever seen or what?

I can't go on.
Let's have our next...

What about me?

You were going to teach
me to be charming.

Okay, okay.

Right after this
next Freaky Story.

[SIGHS]
Ah... Suzanne

HIGH SCHOOL COACH:
This a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

Well, not a friend,

so much as student
in my gym class.

A geeky little weenie
named Danny.

Now Danny isn't
like the other boys.

He kept a plastic
pen holder in his

gym T-shirt pocket.

And those glasses he wears,

I'll bet the Hubble
telescope didn't have

lenses that thick.

Like I said, Danny's not like
the other boys in class.

Certainly not like
Biff and Garth,

the one-two punch on
my hockey team,

football team, soccer team and
every other team I coach.

[THEY LAUGH]

Well, the other day, at lunch

one of my linebackers
wanted to see if

Danny could eat a Twinkie
through his ear!

Imagine my surprise when Biff
and Garth broke it up

without so much as a crumb
ending up in Danny's hair.

And if that wasn't enough,

they sat down and
ate lunch with Danny.

And then I hear Biff ask
Danny if he's planning

to attend the
big Halloween Dance.

Uh, no, says Danny.

Then Garth says, his cousin's
coming from Springfield

this weekend, and she'd love
to go to the dance.

And Biff looks at Garth, and
Garth looks at Biff,

and they both look at Danny,

there he is in mid
chew of his sandwich.

And Garth says to Danny,
you're the man, Dan.

She'll meet you at the
dance at eight sharp.

They slapped him on the back.

And I spent the next half hour

cleaning egg salad off
the cafeteria wall.

Later, I heard Biff
ask Garth if his cousin's

still as ugly as she was last
time she was in town,

braces, glasses, zits?

Well Garth thought about it
for a minute and said,

it's Halloween. Who'll notice?

Danny's more scared than he's
ever been in his life.

It's his first date!
So, what to wear?

He's got fifteen costumes,

and tries each one on.
-- nothing works.

Finally, he settles on
Marty the Martian,

from the TV show
"Space Base Mars".

And you know what?
With that green makeup,

and those ears and
that nose, well,

Danny made a great Martian.

And so he shows
up at the dance.

He was so scared, he
was tossing his cookies.

Biff came as a football
player, and Garth,

well, bless him, he came as me.

But Jenny had a great costume.

She was dressed as Dromedan,
from "Space Base Mars".

And her mask,

it was scary how
great it looked.

When Danny saw that
his date was a fellow

Space Base Mars freak,

I swear I saw a little
colour come through

his green make up.

Danny and Jenny
went off to the gym

and danced up a storm.

Jenny was just great.

The nicest girl
Danny ever met.

They even won first prize in
the couples costumes contest.

A marriage made in
Space Base Heaven.

And soon, the dance was over.

Danny offered to walk Jenny
back home, and she said yes.

And as they walked
down the street,

Danny got up enough courage
to hold Jenny's hand.

And that's when
they found themselves

on the front porch
of Garth's house,

where Jenny was staying.

He wanted to give Jenny
a kiss goodnight.

In fact, she was
starting to move

closer and closer to him.

So Danny inches closer
and closer and

...wait.

He stops.

If this is going to be
his very first kiss,

he didn't want to kiss a mask.
He wanted the real thing.

So he reaches for Jenny's
mask, and she pulls away.

But he grabs it as she turns.

And Jenny tells him
to close his eyes and

she'll give him a kiss.

Yes!

So now he's holding her
Dromedan mask in his

hand, and he's got his
eyes closed and his lips

puckered up and ready.

And zap! She plants a
kiss right on him.

Then he opens his
eyes, and guess what.

Jenny looks
exactly like Danny,

curly ears, crinkly nose,
glasses and all.

They really and truely were
made for each other.

Yessir, that's a true story.

And it happened to a friend
of a friend of mine.

And since that night,
Danny still looks the same,

except for that goofy
I'm - in - love look

pasted all over his face.

¶ [BURLESQUE MUSIC] ¶

Hey, I'm doing
this for Maurice,

for educational purposes.

So cut the fancy lighting.

Alright?

[MUSIC STOPS]

...Thank-you!

You know, I could get
attracted to me.

Uh, anyway, ah -- Okay Maurice,
I'm a girl and you're...

you.

[GRUNTS]

Ah, okay...

You are so beautiful.

Would you please!!!

Now, ask me to
go out with you.

[GIGGLES]

Oh, Brother.

Go on, ask me.

A beautiful
cockraoch like you would

never go with a
maggot like me.

Well of course not,
ask me anyway.

Would you like to go
out with me... babe.

[SIGHS]

What? What?

It's politically incorrect to
call a babe "babe".

Now, try it again.

Would you like to go
out with me... Ms.?

Hmm... well...

We could go to dinner.

I know a nice place
behind the grease trap.

What???

I know what goes on
behind the grease trap.

And I'm not that kind of girl.

There's something going on
behind the grease trap?

I give up!!Let's
have another story.

NIGHT PERSON:
This is a true story.

It happened to a friend
of a friend of mine...

Joe was a travelling salesman.

Whose territory covered most
of The Omega Sector.

He drove around
hawking what he called

'quality merchandise'.

Dime store stuff.
Grav- jiggs and Time Coders.

Business had been
pretty good for Joe.

He was a sharp dresser
and liked the ladies.

And the ladies?
They liked him back.

One night, he was
heading in from his last call.

The rain was coming
down in torrents.

And Joe was feeling as
miserable as the weather.

He was getting drowsy. So he
went to a diner for some java.

There was a prowl
car parked outside.

A big one - one of those
Kolikov anti-grav jobs

imported from Minsk.

Joe parked a few
spaces away from it.

You sure didn't want to mess
with one of those.

The cop was showing mug shots
to the counter help as

Joe entered the diner.

[COP GRUMBLES]

The lawman eyed the
huckster with suspicion

as the night dripped
from his coat.

Joe sat down and
placed his order.

The cop sat at the
counter, a few seats away

from Joe and
ordered the usual.

The waitress slid him his
coffee and dunkers.

The usual.

Joe eyed the counter help.

They sure didn't make
'em like her any more.

A little rusty around
the edges, but

pretty well preserved,
considering her age.

"You haven't seen anyone
out walking, have you?",

said the cop,
giving Joe the 'eye'.

"On a night like this...?
Not a chance. Why?"

asked Joe between sips
of his coffee.

"Because 'The Slasher' just
broke out of the joint..."

"'The Slasher'... Wasn't
he the guy who...?"

"Yeah." said the cop.

They turned their attention to
the steaming java.

Finally the rain
began to let up.

Joe paid his tab and headed
back out to his car.

As he strapped himself in, he
glanced back at the diner.

The waitress was
talking to the cop...

and pointing right at him!

Joe watched as the cop
turned around and locked

his electro-eye on him.

Joe started the
hoverglide unit and the car

thrummed to life.

The cop climbed
into his cruiser.

The kolikov's boosters lifted
it into a pursuit stance.

He pulled out and
followed Joe onto the road.

Joe looked into
the rearview mirror.

The squadcar was
gaining... fast.

Now, Joe wasn't a guy
prone to panic.

But what had the waitress said
to send the cop after him?

And why?

The squad car kept coming.

It was right on his bumper
when the cherrytop flashed

and the siren started to wail.

A sheen of cold sweat
broke out over Joe's body.

The waitress! It
was her fault.

You can never trust a 'robo'.
Especially a 'robo-dame'.

He'd been framed!

Joe eased off the
gas and pulled over.

He lowered the
window and waited,

soaking in his cold sweat

as the cop walked
up to the car.

What did she tell him?

The policeman told him
to get out of the car.

"But... officer...
listen..." stammered Joe.

"Now."

Joe got out of the sedan.
The cop looked him over -

then reached for
his neuro-blocker.

Joe froze - eyes wide open.

Those things can
really hurt a guy...

The cop shoved Joe
and lept inside...

There were the
sounds of a scuffle -

then a flash of
purple light...

...and a body hit
the ground... twitching.

The body of the guy
who had been hiding

in Joe's back seat.

An escaped madman...
THE SLASHER...!

He'd been waiting... for Joe!

Hey. It's a true story.

Happened to a friend
of a friend of mine...

And I heard that after that
little incident, Joe made

a special request
to the company.

A transfer to a desk job.

So I got dumped for a
better-looking cock-roach.

Life goes on...

She's ba-a-a-a-ck.

Who?

Suzanne. She's outside.
Says you got a date with her.

I know why she's ba-ack,
I know why she's ba-ack...

Suzanne got to the waste
disposal plant early and

she got a peek at Sidney
while he was dressing...

Yeah, and-and-and... ???

Sidney wears a girdle.

Who is the fairest of them all?
[LAUGHS]

Well, I guess it's up to me to
say good-bye for now.

I'll See you all
next time with more...

I am lookin' good.
I am irresistable.

Here it is -- All me,
All natural pure Larry!