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1
00:00:02,670 --> 00:00:03,771
Miss?
2
00:00:03,804 --> 00:00:05,806
I have to apologize.
3
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:07,784
Well, not to me, but I'm sure
the amish are pissed
4
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:12,413
that you're gaying up
their look.
5
00:00:12,446 --> 00:00:14,815
I don't have enough
money for the tip.
6
00:00:14,848 --> 00:00:17,351
Weird. You survive
the diner chili,
7
00:00:17,385 --> 00:00:20,121
and it's the waitress
that kills you!
8
00:00:20,154 --> 00:00:23,324
But I can tip another way.
I'm a psychic.
9
00:00:23,357 --> 00:00:24,658
So, uh, you already know
10
00:00:24,692 --> 00:00:27,328
where they're gonna
find your body.
11
00:00:27,361 --> 00:00:29,363
Oh, please.
I die in a bridge collapse
12
00:00:29,397 --> 00:00:31,532
you have nothing to do with.
13
00:00:31,565 --> 00:00:34,368
I can tell you your future.
14
00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:36,304
Ha! You're wrong.
I don't have one.
15
00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:40,208
See the guy
in the booth over there?
16
00:00:40,241 --> 00:00:42,776
Jared "leto himself go"?
17
00:00:42,810 --> 00:00:46,114
He just offered to read
my future as my tip!
18
00:00:46,147 --> 00:00:48,048
Ha! You don't
have one.
19
00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:53,354
Miss, let me read your palm.
20
00:00:53,387 --> 00:00:56,390
Sir, coming over here
right now is not a good idea.
21
00:00:56,424 --> 00:00:58,559
We don't like to be
stiffed by strangers.
22
00:00:58,592 --> 00:01:01,262
In six months, maybe,
but we're not there yet.
23
00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:03,397
I'm a legit psychic.
24
00:01:03,431 --> 00:01:05,299
I predicted long hair
was coming back
25
00:01:05,333 --> 00:01:08,469
in time to have long hair
when it did.
26
00:01:08,502 --> 00:01:09,703
Okay. You can read
my palm.
27
00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,405
I could use some good news.
28
00:01:11,439 --> 00:01:14,808
I could also use some
hand moisturizer... sorry.
29
00:01:14,842 --> 00:01:17,311
I see two ms?
30
00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:20,414
You bitch! Have you
been holding out on M&M's?
31
00:01:22,483 --> 00:01:25,753
Ooh! Is it the male model
32
00:01:25,786 --> 00:01:27,221
I'm managing
33
00:01:27,255 --> 00:01:31,559
who's also making it with Max?
34
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:35,329
Actually... I see
a small failure.
35
00:01:39,267 --> 00:01:43,737
I take it back.
You are good!
36
00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:45,215
(peter bjorn and John)
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
37
00:01:45,239 --> 00:01:47,208
[cash register bell dings]
38
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:50,844
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh *
39
00:01:59,553 --> 00:02:02,590
here's your
chocolate lemon crumble.
40
00:02:02,623 --> 00:02:05,593
Sounds like it shouldn't
work together, but it does.
41
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:08,429
It's the Tony Bennett
and lady gaga of desserts.
42
00:02:08,462 --> 00:02:11,465
Max, can I have just a wee bite?
43
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:12,866
A crumble of the crumble?
44
00:02:12,900 --> 00:02:14,402
Caroline won't let me
eat anything
45
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:15,803
because of my big photo shoot.
46
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:17,605
[Sighs]
Hurry!
47
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:19,807
No chewing, no enjoying.
Just swallow.
48
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:21,675
Spit that out!
49
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:22,810
No!
50
00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:24,845
I said spit that out!
51
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:28,416
You're a model now!
Shame on you!
52
00:02:28,449 --> 00:02:30,418
Bitch, he's starving.
53
00:02:31,652 --> 00:02:33,487
He's not eating, is he?
54
00:02:33,521 --> 00:02:35,289
I don't want
the stay puft marshmallow man
55
00:02:35,323 --> 00:02:38,592
showing up
at my girlfriend's photo shoot.
56
00:02:38,626 --> 00:02:40,928
I haven't eaten anything
since Tuesday!
57
00:02:40,961 --> 00:02:43,297
This morning, he tried
to swallow his toothpaste,
58
00:02:43,331 --> 00:02:45,199
but I was right there
to stop him.
59
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:46,600
Good, honey.
60
00:02:46,634 --> 00:02:48,536
That kind of heartlessness
is why I've decided
61
00:02:48,569 --> 00:02:50,471
to make you the manager
of our hot new location
62
00:02:50,504 --> 00:02:51,672
of the high.
63
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:55,276
Oh, my god!
This is so exciting!
64
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:57,578
Someone's finally realizing
my full potential,
65
00:02:57,611 --> 00:02:59,880
and it's not me!
66
00:02:59,913 --> 00:03:02,483
Will I be able to make Max
head pastry chef?
67
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:05,219
And where is this new location?
68
00:03:05,253 --> 00:03:06,854
Well, right now,
everything's under wraps
69
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:08,956
the way my face was
six months ago.
70
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:11,492
But as manager,
you can hire your own staff,
71
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,261
and I'll even let you poach Max.
72
00:03:13,294 --> 00:03:15,296
I'll also tell you
73
00:03:15,329 --> 00:03:17,331
the new spot is amazing.
74
00:03:17,365 --> 00:03:19,800
It's international.
It's a hub.
75
00:03:19,833 --> 00:03:22,002
I'm talking major flagship.
76
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,405
Honey, I get that you're happy,
77
00:03:24,438 --> 00:03:26,640
but enough with the eye contact.
78
00:03:26,674 --> 00:03:28,776
No one can look me in the eye.
79
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:32,580
I'm the medusa in Chanel.
80
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:34,382
Max doesn't let me
look her in the eyes
81
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:35,616
during sex either.
82
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,751
I told you, eye contact's extra.
83
00:03:37,785 --> 00:03:40,821
Max, did you hear that?
84
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,656
Major flagship!
85
00:03:42,690 --> 00:03:46,394
Uh, did someone just
call me a major flag?
86
00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:47,961
I think you did,
and if I don't get to
87
00:03:47,995 --> 00:03:49,897
go to the new place
with you two,
88
00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,565
I'm telling hr.
89
00:03:51,599 --> 00:03:55,403
That's Hector Rodriguez,
my therapist.
90
00:03:55,436 --> 00:03:57,371
Would you be interested
in coming to the new high
91
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:58,939
as part of our team?
92
00:03:58,972 --> 00:04:00,574
If you say
"part of our team" again,
93
00:04:00,608 --> 00:04:01,842
I'll rethink the whole thing.
94
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:03,277
I'll take it.
95
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:04,712
But I have to be
upfront with Max.
96
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,380
I don't like it in the back.
97
00:04:06,414 --> 00:04:10,318
Which, by the way, is what
i say to all my dates.
98
00:04:10,351 --> 00:04:11,719
Samesies!
99
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:15,323
Well, this is great news.
100
00:04:15,356 --> 00:04:17,291
How about we celebrate
with a piece of pie?
101
00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:18,859
No!
102
00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:25,533
Earl, we have great news.
Guess what it is.
103
00:04:25,566 --> 00:04:28,469
No, don't. Okay, guess.
No, don't. Yes, guess, guess!
104
00:04:28,502 --> 00:04:29,803
Can we hurry this along?
105
00:04:29,837 --> 00:04:32,005
My cousin is on
Maury povich today,
106
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:35,643
and I wanna find out
if he's the father.
107
00:04:35,676 --> 00:04:38,846
'Cause then I can stop
paying child support.
108
00:04:38,879 --> 00:04:41,349
Sorry.
She's a little amped.
109
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:43,384
She hasn't had
good news to share
110
00:04:43,417 --> 00:04:44,918
since we found out
the washing machine
111
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:47,855
in our basement takes buttons.
112
00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:49,890
Han! We have good news.
113
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,492
Sure, you do.
114
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:53,994
And I'm playing center
for the New York Knicks!
115
00:04:54,027 --> 00:04:56,029
Have you seen the Knicks lately?
116
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:58,599
He can only help.
117
00:04:58,632 --> 00:05:00,701
Well, according to my time card,
118
00:05:00,734 --> 00:05:02,636
I've been here
for six hours already,
119
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:05,005
so I'm gonna head back
and catch some zs.
120
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:07,808
The mattress is all yours, Max.
121
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:12,880
Hey, everybody.
We weren't expecting company.
122
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:14,815
I came by
123
00:05:14,848 --> 00:05:16,784
to discuss wedding details
with Oleg
124
00:05:16,817 --> 00:05:19,487
while we had intercourse.
125
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,490
What is this, the bunny ranch?
126
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,892
Baby, I think these are yours.
127
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,129
Yeah.
128
00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:32,900
Yeah. Why, thank you,
honey.
129
00:05:32,933 --> 00:05:35,102
Can we just make it
a general rule
130
00:05:35,135 --> 00:05:38,872
that there's no fornication
in the diner?
131
00:05:38,906 --> 00:05:41,475
Or in han's apartment, ever.
132
00:05:41,509 --> 00:05:44,778
Okay, Max and I have some
really exciting news.
133
00:05:44,812 --> 00:05:47,415
Yeah, yeah.
We know all about the buttons.
134
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,452
Oleg!
135
00:05:51,485 --> 00:05:54,455
I think you crushed
my seating arrangement!
136
00:05:54,488 --> 00:05:56,424
I'd like to think so.
137
00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:00,694
So, back to us.
138
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:02,530
How 'bout back to work?
139
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:04,598
Max and I...
140
00:06:04,632 --> 00:06:06,800
Need to do some work!
141
00:06:06,834 --> 00:06:08,569
There. End of news.
142
00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:14,408
Where are you running
off to so fast?
143
00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:17,578
Is someone having a sale
on smaller heads?
144
00:06:17,611 --> 00:06:20,981
I'm too small,
I'm too big... pick one!
145
00:06:21,014 --> 00:06:22,716
Here's our big news.
146
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,552
You are looking at the manager
147
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:28,456
and the head pastry chef
of the brand-new high location.
148
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:31,625
Actually, he's looking
at our kneecaps.
149
00:06:31,659 --> 00:06:33,727
Okay, so we're going with
too small.
150
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:38,065
If you two quit the diner,
how will I ever replace you?
151
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:40,801
Unless I hire...
Literally anyone else!
152
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,938
No, han, we still
have to work here at night.
153
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,740
We have more debt
than Jada pinkett-Smith
154
00:06:46,774 --> 00:06:50,210
has excuses
for will not being home.
155
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,480
But at the new high,
156
00:06:52,513 --> 00:06:53,981
we're gonna be the big bosses
157
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,583
calling all the shots.
158
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:58,452
Yes, yes... By day.
159
00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:02,122
But by night,
you'll be the coleslaw's bitch.
160
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:05,526
Don't listen to him.
161
00:07:05,559 --> 00:07:07,795
Clearly, han just
resents our success.
162
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:12,466
I know! Why can't women ever
just be happy for each other?
163
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:21,008
Wow, that is really hot.
164
00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,476
Yeah.
165
00:07:22,510 --> 00:07:25,679
The milder salsa's right here.
166
00:07:25,713 --> 00:07:27,748
Listen... oh!
167
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:29,583
Do girls eat now?
168
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:35,122
Wow! Lena Dunham
changed everything!
169
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:37,858
Listen, which one of you
is sleeping with the model?
170
00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:39,827
I know one of you said you were,
171
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:41,829
but I don't listen
when you talk.
172
00:07:41,862 --> 00:07:44,598
[Muffled]
She is.
173
00:07:44,632 --> 00:07:46,900
This is a massive ad campaign,
174
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:49,069
and I don't know
how else to say this,
175
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:52,573
but I need his penis
to look bigger.
176
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:54,274
Oh! Yeah...
177
00:07:54,307 --> 00:07:58,111
It gets nervous when
you shine a light on it.
178
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,881
Sometimes I hear her coaxing
it out of its crawl space
179
00:08:00,914 --> 00:08:02,916
with treats.
180
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:04,284
Well, do something.
181
00:08:04,317 --> 00:08:06,119
I haven't touched one
since college,
182
00:08:06,153 --> 00:08:09,790
and even then it was just
to look under it for my keys.
183
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,159
Max, take him off set.
Be professional.
184
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,027
How professional can I be?
185
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:16,797
She's asking me
to fluff his nutter.
186
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:18,566
Yo, Nash!
Break time.
187
00:08:19,733 --> 00:08:21,602
So... Marie.
188
00:08:21,635 --> 00:08:24,137
Did Joe tell you about
my big new job promotion?
189
00:08:24,171 --> 00:08:26,139
Of course she did.
We're lesbians.
190
00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:29,042
Talking is most of what we do.
191
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:31,511
It's why we rule daytime.
192
00:08:32,746 --> 00:08:34,748
(Irish accent)
Eh... Pardon me.
193
00:08:34,782 --> 00:08:39,186
You, maybe.
That coat... never.
194
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:41,188
I'm lookin' for someone.
195
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:45,025
You also look like an extra
from Angela's ashes.
196
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:46,760
But this is a private shoot,
197
00:08:46,794 --> 00:08:49,897
as in we're shooting
someone's privates.
198
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:51,765
I'm looking for me son.
199
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:56,570
Okay, people!
The groundhog's outta the hole!
200
00:08:56,604 --> 00:08:59,773
Six more inches of winter.
201
00:08:59,807 --> 00:09:02,042
That's him!
That's me boy!
202
00:09:02,075 --> 00:09:03,577
Ma?
203
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,112
Huh?
204
00:09:05,145 --> 00:09:07,648
Ma, how did you know
i was in New York?
205
00:09:07,681 --> 00:09:09,258
Aw, no, you saw me in
the today show window,
206
00:09:09,282 --> 00:09:11,118
didn't ya?
207
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:13,887
You checked into "America"
on Facebook,
208
00:09:13,921 --> 00:09:15,656
you bleedin' idiot.
209
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:18,859
I flew all the way and been
lookin' for you day and night
210
00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:21,929
in this dirty, god forsaken
city for a week.
211
00:09:21,962 --> 00:09:23,897
I'm takin' you home.
212
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:26,099
Ma'am, Nash can make
his own decisions.
213
00:09:26,133 --> 00:09:27,367
He's a grown man.
214
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,170
Yep. Thanks to my handiwork.
215
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:33,373
He's no grown man.
He's just now 18.
216
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:37,344
He's got his prom next month!
217
00:09:37,377 --> 00:09:38,646
I can't believe it!
218
00:09:38,679 --> 00:09:40,981
I had sex with a teenager!
219
00:09:41,014 --> 00:09:43,751
Who am I, Woody Allen?
220
00:09:43,784 --> 00:09:46,720
Roman polanski?
221
00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:50,190
Pretty much any of your
big-time '70s movie directors?
222
00:09:50,223 --> 00:09:52,993
You had sex
with me innocent child?
223
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,962
Uh, not so innocent.
224
00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:56,396
He made me blush a few times,
225
00:09:56,429 --> 00:10:00,000
and I have two positions
named after me.
226
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:01,869
Well, that's that.
227
00:10:01,902 --> 00:10:05,739
You've seen the last of
big booby dirty girl here.
228
00:10:05,773 --> 00:10:09,743
I'd object, but when you're
right, you're right.
229
00:10:09,777 --> 00:10:11,912
But ma, i like New York.
230
00:10:11,945 --> 00:10:14,848
People want to take
pictures of me Willy here.
231
00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:16,283
This is all me fault.
232
00:10:16,316 --> 00:10:19,352
I should have never let you
watch that magic Mike.
233
00:10:21,989 --> 00:10:23,290
That's great.
234
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:25,058
I don't have a model now.
235
00:10:25,092 --> 00:10:27,060
I'm seal.
236
00:10:27,094 --> 00:10:29,830
Wait until
i tell Joe about this.
237
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:32,399
How can you not know
how old he is?
238
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:35,669
Uh... What can I say?
We're a typical couple!
239
00:10:35,703 --> 00:10:39,339
He lied about his age, and i
pretended he was interesting.
240
00:10:41,809 --> 00:10:43,744
Okay, Max, when Joe gets here,
241
00:10:43,777 --> 00:10:44,912
I'm just gonna tell her
242
00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:46,914
that me managing
an underage twink
243
00:10:46,947 --> 00:10:49,316
has nothing to do
with me managing her restaurant
244
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:52,319
which sells overpriced
twink... Ies.
245
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:54,822
Yeah. I'm sure she'll
be professional about it all.
246
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:55,989
Professional?
247
00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:57,758
Yesterday, she slapped
a woman in here
248
00:10:57,791 --> 00:10:59,459
for wearing cheap heels.
249
00:10:59,492 --> 00:11:02,262
I know.
My face is still red.
250
00:11:03,430 --> 00:11:04,965
Here she is.
251
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,233
Good morning, Joe!
252
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:07,868
Hey, ladies.
253
00:11:07,901 --> 00:11:10,303
Well, obviously,
you're both fired.
254
00:11:10,337 --> 00:11:12,039
Obviously.
255
00:11:12,072 --> 00:11:13,273
Can I keep the hat?
256
00:11:13,306 --> 00:11:15,242
You are not gonna
want this back.
257
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:18,178
My head sweats like
a watermelon at a picnic.
258
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:21,048
Please don't fire us
over the Nash situation.
259
00:11:21,081 --> 00:11:23,050
It was out of our hands.
260
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,985
Actually, it was in her hands,
261
00:11:25,018 --> 00:11:27,054
and it was only 18.
262
00:11:27,087 --> 00:11:29,356
You two embarrassed
my girlfriend.
263
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:31,291
And embarrassment
in the lesbian community
264
00:11:31,324 --> 00:11:33,260
is worse than not owning a dog.
265
00:11:33,293 --> 00:11:36,363
It's worse than dating
Anne heche.
266
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:40,167
Oh, my god.
We committed a heche crime.
267
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,102
How can we make it better?
268
00:11:42,135 --> 00:11:44,471
Just get that kid back
to the photo shoot tomorrow,
269
00:11:44,504 --> 00:11:46,473
and we're back in business.
270
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:48,108
And Max, next time,
271
00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:51,378
stay out of his
barely legal business.
272
00:11:51,411 --> 00:11:53,246
Done. Don't know how,
but done.
273
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:54,815
You won't be sorry.
274
00:11:54,848 --> 00:11:56,950
Just get him back,
'cause I gotta tell ya...
275
00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:59,119
Marie's crying face?
276
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:00,888
Not for me.
277
00:12:06,426 --> 00:12:08,195
Well, coleslaw...
278
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:09,529
Just when I thought i was out,
279
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,933
you pulled me back in again.
280
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:15,135
Max, don't tell
the coleslaw that.
281
00:12:15,168 --> 00:12:17,270
Don't give it that power.
282
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:19,539
My plan to get Nash back
will work.
283
00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:21,875
We still have a bright,
bright future.
284
00:12:21,909 --> 00:12:24,377
Yes! By day.
285
00:12:25,846 --> 00:12:27,047
Han!
286
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:28,481
Do you want to spend
another night
287
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,017
in this coleslaw bucket?
288
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:31,318
No. And had I not
been able to
289
00:12:31,351 --> 00:12:33,020
roll myself out to the street,
290
00:12:33,053 --> 00:12:35,055
I might have suffocated!
291
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:41,161
Nash and his mom
will be here any minute, Max.
292
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:44,331
Do you really need to expose
60% of your boobs?
293
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:45,899
It's not up to me.
294
00:12:45,933 --> 00:12:48,401
These girls have a life
of their own.
295
00:12:51,571 --> 00:12:56,009
The right one just started
a fleetwood Mac cover band.
296
00:12:56,043 --> 00:12:57,577
You know how I know?
297
00:12:57,610 --> 00:13:01,048
'Cause when I take my bra off,
it goes its own way.
298
00:13:04,217 --> 00:13:06,186
Do you really think
you can get Nash's mother
299
00:13:06,219 --> 00:13:08,055
to change her mind
when they come in
300
00:13:08,088 --> 00:13:09,165
to pick up the rest of
his stuff?
301
00:13:09,189 --> 00:13:10,490
Yes, I do.
302
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,059
Because she and i
have a lot in common.
303
00:13:12,092 --> 00:13:14,127
I may not be Irish,
but I'm dirt poor,
304
00:13:14,161 --> 00:13:17,397
and I'm living with someone
who drinks way too much.
305
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,166
(Oleg)
Max, look.
306
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:20,267
All those purple post-its
307
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:22,870
are Sophie's friends and family.
308
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,838
My family's nowhere to be seen!
309
00:13:24,872 --> 00:13:28,008
It's like I'm looking at
the last U.S. census!
310
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,977
Hey, girls.
Come over here.
311
00:13:30,010 --> 00:13:32,980
We need your help
with the seating chart.
312
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:35,182
Yeah. You know, planning
a wedding is more work
313
00:13:35,215 --> 00:13:39,219
than waxing Oleg's back
during a full moon.
314
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:41,388
Sophie, I have my own
issue right now.
315
00:13:41,421 --> 00:13:43,390
Okay. Then Max
can help me with the chart
316
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:46,493
while you go worry about
your obviously thinning hair.
317
00:13:48,428 --> 00:13:50,163
Uh, full disclosure...
318
00:13:50,197 --> 00:13:52,408
The last time someone asked me
to help them with something,
319
00:13:52,432 --> 00:13:55,502
I free-based
half their beard off.
320
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:58,438
[Chime]
321
00:13:58,471 --> 00:14:00,307
I just got a text from Nash.
322
00:14:00,340 --> 00:14:03,376
He's here? I'll go get him
a kid's menu.
323
00:14:03,410 --> 00:14:04,611
They're not coming.
324
00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:08,081
His mom found the racy
pictures I sent him.
325
00:14:08,115 --> 00:14:10,150
"Flying out of jfk tomorrow.
326
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,452
Taking the morning aer lingus"?
327
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:15,088
A little morning "aer lingus"?
328
00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:18,625
Isn't that what got Max
in trouble in the first place?
329
00:14:20,327 --> 00:14:22,262
Okay, well, we just
have to go to the airport
330
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:23,997
and stop them.
331
00:14:24,031 --> 00:14:25,674
I'll buy us plane tickets
and then return them,
332
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:29,302
like I do with shoes or
tom cruise does with wives.
333
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,606
Jackets and shoes off!
334
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:36,243
And make sure you check
all your pockets.
335
00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:39,379
Don't make me shut this airport
down for a piece of gum.
336
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:44,651
This line is longer
than the movie gone girl.
337
00:14:47,020 --> 00:14:51,591
What does tsa stand for?
"Time stands a-still?"
338
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:54,361
That's cute.
Never heard that one before.
339
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:57,430
Most people just go with
"this sucks ass."
340
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:01,034
Max, please don't
yell out again.
341
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:02,936
People get very jumpy
in airports.
342
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:05,438
Oh, what? It's not like
i screamed, "i have a bomb!"
343
00:15:05,472 --> 00:15:08,541
Miss, will you step
over here, please?
344
00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:11,478
Oh, I was kidding.
I don't have a bomb.
345
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,514
But I have been known
to... Be da bomb.
346
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,051
Max!
347
00:15:18,085 --> 00:15:19,362
Please, please, if we step away,
348
00:15:19,386 --> 00:15:21,288
we'll lose our place in line.
349
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:24,324
I know it sounds like
we're here to blow up a plane,
350
00:15:24,357 --> 00:15:26,359
but we're really just here
to stop an underage kid
351
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:30,063
she had sex with
from leaving the country.
352
00:15:30,097 --> 00:15:32,165
So I should just come
over there now.
353
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:34,367
Yep.
You just been hand-picked
354
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:37,604
to join the "i don't trust you"
dance party.
355
00:15:40,473 --> 00:15:42,742
May I see your tickets?
356
00:15:42,775 --> 00:15:45,512
Nice day.
I like your hair.
357
00:15:45,545 --> 00:15:47,714
Thanks. We're allowed
to be creative
358
00:15:47,747 --> 00:15:51,451
from the neck up.
359
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:54,287
Ooh! You traveling
to Paris.
360
00:15:54,321 --> 00:15:56,323
First-class.
361
00:15:56,356 --> 00:15:58,725
In those jeans?
362
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,494
You got first-class
tickets to Paris?
363
00:16:01,528 --> 00:16:03,196
Are you insane?
364
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:04,431
My fingers did it.
365
00:16:04,464 --> 00:16:06,366
It was rich girl
cellular memory.
366
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,401
And if we're not going anywhere,
367
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,270
why can't we not go to Paris?
368
00:16:10,303 --> 00:16:12,139
And why can't we not
go to the louvre?
369
00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,716
And why can't we not
stay in the penthouse
370
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,443
at the George cinq
and not order room service?
371
00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:20,347
Is it too late for me
to say I don't know her?
372
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:22,682
Ma'am, are you carrying
any explosives?
373
00:16:22,715 --> 00:16:24,417
I had leftover chipotle
for breakfast.
374
00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:27,687
Does that count?
375
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,757
It does to whoever's
sitting next to you.
376
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,794
(Woman, French accent)
Air France flight 113
377
00:16:34,827 --> 00:16:36,629
will now begin boarding
at gate 24.
378
00:16:36,663 --> 00:16:38,231
Max! That's our flight.
379
00:16:38,265 --> 00:16:40,567
(Bad French accent)
Air France, flight 113.
380
00:16:40,600 --> 00:16:42,102
Ooh! I bet on the plane,
381
00:16:42,135 --> 00:16:44,371
they'll have caviar
and bellinis.
382
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:46,139
You know what won't
be on the plane?
383
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:47,807
Us!
384
00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,276
We're not going!
385
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:50,777
Have you been smoking
the half joint
386
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:53,246
I have hidden in my bra?
387
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:54,781
You have a joint?
388
00:16:54,814 --> 00:16:57,617
Bank account? Ha!
389
00:16:57,650 --> 00:17:00,353
You went through security
with pot?
390
00:17:00,387 --> 00:17:03,090
I went through
third grade with pot.
391
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:05,225
There he is.
There's Nash.
392
00:17:05,258 --> 00:17:07,060
I'm sure his mom is asking
393
00:17:07,094 --> 00:17:10,330
if he can visit the cockpit
and meet the pilot.
394
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:13,233
Wow. He's young.
395
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:14,743
So young, Bruce jenner
has been a woman
396
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:17,137
for most of his life.
397
00:17:17,170 --> 00:17:19,706
Nash!
Please.
398
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:22,175
You can't go.
Our entire lives depend on
399
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:24,111
you finishing that photo shoot.
400
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:26,779
Nash Terrence o'brien,
you're not going anywhere.
401
00:17:26,813 --> 00:17:29,149
Or I'll take you
over my knee right here.
402
00:17:29,182 --> 00:17:31,318
Well, he likes that.
403
00:17:31,351 --> 00:17:33,186
Well, you...
404
00:17:33,220 --> 00:17:36,756
You are just loose
as a goose, aren't ya?
405
00:17:38,525 --> 00:17:40,860
Again... When you're
right, you're right.
406
00:17:40,893 --> 00:17:44,764
Max, let me talk
to Mrs. o'brien.
407
00:17:44,797 --> 00:17:46,333
Go up to the gate.
408
00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:47,710
Ask what movie they're
showing on their flight.
409
00:17:47,734 --> 00:17:49,436
Okay, but if they're showing
anything,
410
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,538
and I mean anything
411
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,241
from Mr. Adam sandler...
412
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,243
I'm getting on the plane too.
413
00:17:58,345 --> 00:18:00,747
Please.
I'm begging you.
414
00:18:00,780 --> 00:18:02,482
You don't know me.
I'm a proud woman.
415
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,484
The only other time
i ever begged
416
00:18:04,517 --> 00:18:07,554
was to get off
of p. Diddy's yacht.
417
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:10,157
I mean, a party
shouldn't be three days long.
418
00:18:10,190 --> 00:18:11,600
Miss, you can save
your silly breath.
419
00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,693
I'm taking him home.
420
00:18:13,726 --> 00:18:17,297
Would passenger Maeve o'brien
please report to the gate desk?
421
00:18:17,330 --> 00:18:19,632
Oh, Nash, maybe
they're bumping us up
422
00:18:19,666 --> 00:18:23,236
from the last coach row to the
second to the last coach row!
423
00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,605
I knew I'd be rewarded
for not having any abortions
424
00:18:25,638 --> 00:18:28,275
in spite of me circumstances.
425
00:18:30,277 --> 00:18:31,611
Grab Nash... let's get
out of here
426
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:33,146
while I got her distracted.
427
00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:35,348
Max, you did that?
How?
428
00:18:35,382 --> 00:18:37,750
I no longer have
the half a joint in my bra.
429
00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:41,354
You bribed an airline
employee with a joint?
430
00:18:41,388 --> 00:18:45,192
Pain? Oh, you really gotta
stretch out for that.
431
00:18:45,225 --> 00:18:47,160
Max, this is kidnapping.
432
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:49,696
Oh, he's not that young.
When I was his age,
433
00:18:49,729 --> 00:18:52,432
I had already robbed
three blockbuster videos.
434
00:18:52,465 --> 00:18:54,234
What's blockbuster video?
435
00:18:56,203 --> 00:18:59,472
Oh, my god, i screwed a baby.
436
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,874
Okay. I'm gonna text Joe
and tell her we have Nash
437
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:04,444
in our custody.
No, I'd better call.
438
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:08,315
That text won't play well
at our trial.
439
00:19:08,348 --> 00:19:11,184
I'm sorry I didn't tell ya
i was so young.
440
00:19:11,218 --> 00:19:12,952
But honestly, I didn't
think it mattered
441
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:15,288
since you're so immature.
442
00:19:17,357 --> 00:19:19,526
I know you are, but what am I?
443
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,429
Okay, so Joe was
really impressed
444
00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:24,731
with the kidnapping,
and she gave us our jobs back.
445
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:26,266
But Nash, you've been replaced.
446
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:27,667
They found another model
447
00:19:27,700 --> 00:19:29,636
who wouldn't give them
any parent trouble...
448
00:19:29,669 --> 00:19:32,305
A well-hung orphan.
449
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:34,207
A well-hung orphan.
450
00:19:34,241 --> 00:19:37,277
Well, the lord gives
and the lord takes.
451
00:19:37,310 --> 00:19:38,778
So what now?
452
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:41,514
Well, you go back to Ireland
and brag to your friends
453
00:19:41,548 --> 00:19:44,517
about having sex with someone
who once had sex
454
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:48,455
with axl rose's
best friend's son.
455
00:19:48,488 --> 00:19:49,722
Good-bye, Max.
456
00:19:49,756 --> 00:19:52,592
Later, Nash potater.
457
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:55,662
You know, I think
I'm gonna miss him.
458
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:59,632
Especially since kids
eat free at quiznos before 6:00.
459
00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:02,001
Ugh! Let's get out
of here.
460
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:03,703
The only good thing
about airports
461
00:20:03,736 --> 00:20:06,005
is leaving them
for someplace better.
462
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:09,276
Max, next time we're here,
I'm gonna take you to Paris.
463
00:20:09,309 --> 00:20:11,244
Well, first take me
to the bathroom.
464
00:20:11,278 --> 00:20:13,746
I've had to pee since
our tram hit that pothole.
465
00:20:13,780 --> 00:20:16,549
Well, at least we're gonna
be working somewhere with class.
466
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:18,251
I wonder where it is.
467
00:20:18,285 --> 00:20:22,455
Joe said it's a real hub,
flagship, international.
468
00:20:22,489 --> 00:20:26,459
Yeah. It's gonna be
international terminal 8!
469
00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:29,796
What?
470
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,598
Here?
471
00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:33,800
We're working here?
472
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:35,635
I've got to find out
who I brutally murdered
473
00:20:35,668 --> 00:20:38,505
in a previous life
and make it up to him or her.
474
00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,707
This sucks!
The one place
475
00:20:40,740 --> 00:20:44,344
no one will ever
give us a ride to work!
476
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:48,548
(Female announcer)
Final boarding for air France,
flight 113.
477
00:20:48,581 --> 00:20:50,650
Of course it is.
478
00:20:50,683 --> 00:20:53,753
Look at the bright side.
These days, most planes
479
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:56,523
don't even make it to where
they're supposed to go.
480
00:20:56,556 --> 00:20:58,891
(Announcer)
Paging first-class passengers
Caroline Channing
481
00:20:58,925 --> 00:21:01,060
and Max black.
482
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,463
Those rich bitches are so lucky!
34988
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