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1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:05,106
Earl, i noticed
you're still alive.
2
00:00:05,139 --> 00:00:06,507
What's your secret?
3
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,676
Well, it's my positive attitude,
4
00:00:08,709 --> 00:00:10,178
a little bit of genetics,
5
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:13,114
and knowing how to take care
of your body.
6
00:00:13,147 --> 00:00:15,183
I use jojoba.
7
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:17,251
What is that, like a lotion?
8
00:00:17,285 --> 00:00:21,122
No, it's a ho named hoba.
9
00:00:21,155 --> 00:00:23,657
She comes over once a week.
10
00:00:23,691 --> 00:00:26,094
(peter bjorn and John)
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh
11
00:00:26,127 --> 00:00:27,661
[cash register bell dings]
12
00:00:27,695 --> 00:00:33,167
* ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh *
13
00:00:35,403 --> 00:00:37,271
Max, you just got box delivered
at home.
14
00:00:37,305 --> 00:00:38,539
I don't want another box.
15
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,541
I got my hands full
with this one.
16
00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:43,744
I used to have so many packages
delivered to my house,
17
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:47,148
my dad had to buy fedex
just to save money.
18
00:00:47,181 --> 00:00:50,118
I remember a time before mail.
19
00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:52,153
You just didn't get stuff.
20
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:53,754
Nope.
I don't want that.
21
00:00:53,787 --> 00:00:55,523
It's a delivery from my mother.
22
00:00:55,556 --> 00:00:57,425
The last thing she delivered
was me,
23
00:00:57,458 --> 00:00:59,260
and I'm still cleaning up
that mess.
24
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:03,297
Aren't you at least curious
what she sent?
25
00:01:03,331 --> 00:01:04,698
Unless it's a brand new
childhood,
26
00:01:04,732 --> 00:01:07,301
I'm not interested.
27
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:09,170
Here, Earl, hold Max's box.
28
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:13,073
But she's like a daughter to me.
29
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:16,577
Look, Caroline,
i brought in my fish tank,
30
00:01:16,610 --> 00:01:20,614
which Max has been calling
my olympic-size swimming pool.
31
00:01:23,317 --> 00:01:26,420
See, han? The world's different
above sea-level.
32
00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:34,728
Now, come over here
and say hello.
33
00:01:34,762 --> 00:01:36,464
I'm saying hello to fish now?
34
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:37,865
That's where I'm at?
35
00:01:37,898 --> 00:01:39,367
You too, Max.
36
00:01:39,400 --> 00:01:41,469
I want my diner family
to meet my fish family.
37
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:43,204
I got an aunt that drinks
like a fish.
38
00:01:43,237 --> 00:01:44,805
Maybe she's in there.
39
00:01:44,838 --> 00:01:49,343
Oh, no, she's in jail
for vehicular manslaughter.
40
00:01:49,377 --> 00:01:52,313
Please enjoy my ecosystem
of love.
41
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:56,384
Never tap on the glass!
42
00:01:56,417 --> 00:01:58,352
Just look at that meaty paw
of yours.
43
00:01:58,386 --> 00:02:01,589
It's like an earthquake to them.
44
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:02,756
Oh, there's my prize.
45
00:02:02,790 --> 00:02:04,658
The royal blue tang fish.
46
00:02:04,692 --> 00:02:06,494
$500.
47
00:02:06,527 --> 00:02:08,729
Han, I'm not surprised
you have to pay for blue tang,
48
00:02:08,762 --> 00:02:11,932
but $500 seems high.
49
00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:16,337
Hey han, jojoba'll do it for 25.
50
00:02:16,370 --> 00:02:18,572
Well, i hope your fish
will be very happy here.
51
00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:21,242
I mean, no one else is,
but who knows.
52
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,377
Let's go, Max.
53
00:02:23,411 --> 00:02:27,215
[Speaking Ukrainian]
54
00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:36,557
Did Oleg take Liam neeson's
daughter?
55
00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:40,394
I'm breaking up
with all my ladies
56
00:02:40,428 --> 00:02:41,705
so i can start up again
with Sophie.
57
00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:44,532
And oksana's not taking
it lying down,
58
00:02:44,565 --> 00:02:48,669
or bent over
like she usually is.
59
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:51,805
Well, I'm sorry
i never got to meet her.
60
00:02:51,839 --> 00:02:54,642
Just tell her that you
and Sophie have decided to be...
61
00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:56,677
What's the Ukrainian word
for "monogamy"?
62
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:58,412
There isn't one.
63
00:02:58,446 --> 00:03:01,682
You're either ugly or
you're sleeping with everyone.
64
00:03:06,854 --> 00:03:07,988
Uh-uh.
No way.
65
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:08,789
Leave it out here.
66
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:12,293
Let the bomb-squad
figure it out.
67
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,637
Don't you wanna know
what she sent you?
68
00:03:13,661 --> 00:03:14,828
Maybe there's money in there.
69
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,965
[Obnoxious laughter]
70
00:03:20,268 --> 00:03:21,845
So you're just gonna leave it
out in the hall
71
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:23,704
like a room service tray?
72
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:26,840
Oh, my god,
i used to have room service.
73
00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:29,643
Oh, my god,
i used to have a room.
74
00:03:29,677 --> 00:03:31,779
Well, i don't want
it in the apartment.
75
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:35,416
This is a place of positive
energy and good vibes.
76
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:37,385
[Obnoxious laughter]
77
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,489
I'm sending it back
to her tomorrow.
78
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:45,493
I will go to my shallow,
unmarked grave
79
00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:47,261
not knowing what's in that box.
80
00:03:47,295 --> 00:03:49,229
[Knock at door]
81
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:52,433
Hey, Max, you got a box
out here,
82
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:56,470
and there's a bear in it!
83
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:59,473
Oh, my god.
84
00:03:59,507 --> 00:04:00,741
She kept that?
85
00:04:00,774 --> 00:04:02,476
How did my mom ever keep that?
86
00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:05,546
She can't even keep her teeth.
87
00:04:05,579 --> 00:04:06,747
That's what was in the box?
88
00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:08,649
A Teddy ruxpin doll?
89
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,952
Are you registered
at mustybears. Com?
90
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:13,954
Not a doll and not his name.
91
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:16,790
I had it legally changed
to t-rux.
92
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:18,526
I used the same lawyer
my mom hired
93
00:04:18,559 --> 00:04:20,828
to declare me native American
so she didn't have to pay
94
00:04:20,861 --> 00:04:23,664
for parking at the casino.
95
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:25,633
For six months,
i had to answer the phone,
96
00:04:25,666 --> 00:04:27,935
"Max proudfoot."
97
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:32,039
You know, in Poland,
we didn't have dolls.
98
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:33,641
Yeah, we just hired
little gypsy kids
99
00:04:33,674 --> 00:04:36,644
and we carried them around.
100
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:39,513
Yeah, mine was called gurgio.
101
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:43,484
Yeah, and i think uh,
he had a little bit of polio.
102
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,088
Hey, didn't those things talk?
103
00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,591
They did if you had
four "c" batteries.
104
00:04:50,624 --> 00:04:52,460
Wait, i think i have some.
105
00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:54,103
Yup, they came
with this adorable Teddy bear
106
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,729
singing cassette, so of course,
107
00:04:55,763 --> 00:04:59,733
i smashed that with a rock
and made my own.
108
00:04:59,767 --> 00:05:02,803
Yeah, my gurgio didn't talk.
109
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:05,973
I'm not sure he had a tongue.
110
00:05:06,006 --> 00:05:10,478
But he used to squeeze me
really tight.
111
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:14,482
And then i found out later,
he was 35.
112
00:05:17,017 --> 00:05:19,553
You had four "c" batteries
in your nightstand?
113
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:20,921
From what?
114
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:33,401
Do you wanna hear the bear talk
or don't you?
115
00:05:33,434 --> 00:05:36,404
[Phone rings]
116
00:05:36,437 --> 00:05:37,738
Oh, I'm sorry, girls.
117
00:05:37,771 --> 00:05:39,440
I gotta take this.
118
00:05:39,473 --> 00:05:42,976
It's another guy
that I'm breaking it off with.
119
00:05:43,010 --> 00:05:45,513
I sure hope Oleg's worth it.
120
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:49,750
I just dumped a guy
with multiple personalities.
121
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,852
Yeah, and he took it okay,
122
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:53,654
and not great,
123
00:05:53,687 --> 00:05:55,556
and pretty bad.
124
00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:00,628
There's no note or anything.
125
00:06:00,661 --> 00:06:03,864
This box is really just a well
of disappointment.
126
00:06:03,897 --> 00:06:05,599
Why would your mother
send you this?
127
00:06:05,633 --> 00:06:07,668
Why would she do anything?
128
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:09,970
Why would she bite our dog?
129
00:06:11,472 --> 00:06:13,541
Why would she make out
with our Jack o'lantern?
130
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,976
I don't know.
131
00:06:16,009 --> 00:06:17,778
Well, Max, she did send you
your favorite toy
132
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,012
after all these years.
133
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:20,614
Maybe she's trying
to make amends.
134
00:06:20,648 --> 00:06:21,949
Oh, make amends?
135
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:24,552
She couldn't even make me
a sandwich.
136
00:06:24,585 --> 00:06:26,587
Okay, you ready?
137
00:06:26,620 --> 00:06:28,489
I know you are, but what am i?
138
00:06:28,522 --> 00:06:30,090
[Laughing]
139
00:06:30,123 --> 00:06:32,593
Oh, my god.
Max, is that you?
140
00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:35,162
Is that your little Max voice?
141
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:39,800
Careful, I'm about to open up
a can of whoop ass.
142
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:42,169
It is you!
How old were you there?
143
00:06:42,202 --> 00:06:45,172
Ten. "Whoop ass"
was kind of my thing.
144
00:06:45,205 --> 00:06:46,406
Still is.
145
00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,176
I mean, i guess i always knew
you were a little kid once,
146
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:51,211
but i couldn't picture
it till i heard that.
147
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:52,780
Like i couldn't picture me
eating fruit
148
00:06:52,813 --> 00:06:54,948
from an exxon station
till i did that.
149
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,623
So, are you two ready to order?
150
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,725
Oh, yeah. I'll have
the Turkey club with fries.
151
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:08,696
This is why you're single, Rita.
152
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:11,031
I'm not single.
I'm married to your father.
153
00:07:11,064 --> 00:07:16,036
I love you, but stop pushing
your lifestyle in my face.
154
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:18,138
I'll have the salad.
Dressing on the side.
155
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:19,940
Obvs.
156
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:26,046
Obvs, obvs.
157
00:07:26,079 --> 00:07:29,216
Well, I'm sending t-rux
back to my mother.
158
00:07:29,249 --> 00:07:30,751
He's going right
into this empty box
159
00:07:30,784 --> 00:07:32,085
i found in han's office.
160
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:33,821
And Max, before you send
it back,
161
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:35,823
I'm gonna need those batteries.
162
00:07:35,856 --> 00:07:39,527
Oh, don't worry, i have
no desire to see you
163
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,762
hugging the milkshake machine.
164
00:07:43,997 --> 00:07:46,667
Oh... My... God!
165
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:49,069
Is that a Teddy ruxpin doll?
166
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,638
Rita, i want that!
167
00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,272
Your birthday just passed,
Elliot.
168
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:56,810
But my coming out party
is coming up.
169
00:07:56,844 --> 00:08:01,248
What is that,
like a queen-ceanera?
170
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:05,018
So bitchy. Love her.
171
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:07,888
A vintage Teddy ruxpin
is worth like, $500,
172
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:11,091
and my mom works,
so she has to buy my love.
173
00:08:11,124 --> 00:08:15,262
One more word,
and I'm taking away spa day.
174
00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:18,165
That's harsh, honey.
175
00:08:18,198 --> 00:08:19,867
He's obsessed with the '90s.
176
00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:21,735
But you weren't even born.
177
00:08:21,769 --> 00:08:23,070
I know.
I blame her.
178
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:25,739
She couldn't find a man
till late in life.
179
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:27,908
There go the pedicures.
180
00:08:27,941 --> 00:08:31,044
There go my sandals.
181
00:08:31,078 --> 00:08:35,783
As much as i love watching
will and grace,
182
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:37,184
this guy's not for sale.
183
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:39,152
I'm sending him back
to my mother's place,
184
00:08:39,186 --> 00:08:41,622
which, according to
the Rhode Island parole office,
185
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:46,627
is a cardboard shanty town
outside of big lots.
186
00:08:46,660 --> 00:08:48,028
Well, here's my card.
187
00:08:48,061 --> 00:08:52,666
And let's face it, you look
like you could use $500.
188
00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,805
So bitchy.
Love him!
189
00:08:59,707 --> 00:09:02,776
I was just offered $500
for t-rux
190
00:09:02,810 --> 00:09:05,779
from baby Anderson Cooper.
191
00:09:07,280 --> 00:09:09,016
He has cards?
192
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,618
I'm jealous
of a nine-year-old?
193
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:12,219
That's where I'm at?
194
00:09:12,252 --> 00:09:14,822
Hey, as much as i would like
that $500,
195
00:09:14,855 --> 00:09:16,824
my mother doesn't
get to think this bear
196
00:09:16,857 --> 00:09:19,192
gets to make up
for my childhood.
197
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:20,794
She doesn't get off that easy.
198
00:09:20,828 --> 00:09:23,997
Trust me, we shared a pullout
couch for nine months.
199
00:09:24,031 --> 00:09:26,066
Girls, can i see you over here?
200
00:09:26,099 --> 00:09:28,235
I can't believe we have
to talk to the fish again.
201
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:32,105
I can't believe Max hasn't
put han in the tank yet.
202
00:09:33,807 --> 00:09:36,076
Max, Caroline, every night
from now on,
203
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:38,946
i need you to move the skimmer
along the top of the water
204
00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:40,681
and take out
the floating matter.
205
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:44,217
Han, you know I'm off diner poop
patrol for life
206
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:47,855
after i had to clean the booth
where the senior left...
207
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:50,791
Well, we'll just call
it an elderberry.
208
00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:57,197
Well, Caroline, Max said no,
so you have to do it.
209
00:09:57,230 --> 00:09:59,733
Han, you're kind of a baller
around your fish.
210
00:09:59,767 --> 00:10:01,168
All right, I'm gonna do this
fast.
211
00:10:01,201 --> 00:10:02,836
Get in and get out...
212
00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:04,805
Same thing i do when
that bird is in our shower.
213
00:10:04,838 --> 00:10:06,907
[Bell dings]
Pick up, Max.
214
00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,643
Look, I'm calling to tell you
i met somebody else
215
00:10:09,677 --> 00:10:11,111
so I'm breaking up with you.
216
00:10:11,144 --> 00:10:14,114
Now put your mother on.
I'm breaking up with her too.
217
00:10:18,418 --> 00:10:20,420
I can't believe this.
218
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:24,091
I'm a cabana boy for fish.
219
00:10:24,124 --> 00:10:26,226
I guess now i can add
"fish poop remover"
220
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:31,331
to my resume
next to "supreme court intern."
221
00:10:31,364 --> 00:10:35,268
I feel like there was a fish
in that last one.
222
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:36,804
Yup.
223
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:39,039
Oh, no, it's the expensive one!
224
00:10:39,072 --> 00:10:41,374
That's so me.
225
00:10:41,408 --> 00:10:43,319
I really didn't expect to see
you digging through garbage
226
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,879
till you were 30.
227
00:10:45,913 --> 00:10:48,749
Oh! Ah! Ugh!
It's still alive!
228
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:50,417
I need to keep her wet.
229
00:10:50,450 --> 00:10:53,787
Oh, covered in tuna, that's
gotta be traumatic for it.
230
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:01,962
I feel like it went down
the drain.
231
00:11:01,995 --> 00:11:04,397
It was an accident.
I swear.
232
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:06,967
I love fish.
I would never hurt one.
233
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,477
Unless you count eating Sushi,
'cause then I'm like
234
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:10,137
Jack the ripper.
235
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,372
Caroline, are things
going swimmingly?
236
00:11:12,405 --> 00:11:14,407
Jack, he's talking to you.
237
00:11:14,441 --> 00:11:16,810
Uh, oh, yeah.
Swimmingly.
238
00:11:16,844 --> 00:11:18,345
Especially the blue one.
239
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,080
He went in his little house.
240
00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:21,290
He doesn't like
to use the restroom
241
00:11:21,314 --> 00:11:23,283
in front of his friends.
242
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:25,819
Yeah, we're a lot alike.
243
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,026
Thank you so much
for seeing us so quickly.
244
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,195
Sure, you guys can just
wait in here.
245
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:38,465
Elliot's finishing up
with his pilates.
246
00:11:38,498 --> 00:11:40,300
Do yourselves a favor.
247
00:11:40,333 --> 00:11:43,170
Tell him his core looks tight.
248
00:11:48,141 --> 00:11:49,910
Max, I'm so sorry
you have to sell t-rux
249
00:11:49,943 --> 00:11:52,412
for the fish money
because of me.
250
00:11:52,445 --> 00:11:56,016
Talked to the fist,
because the face is pissed.
251
00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,417
I'm getting attitude
from a bear?
252
00:11:57,450 --> 00:12:00,320
That's where I'm at?
253
00:12:00,353 --> 00:12:02,956
I can't believe all this stuff
he has from the '90s.
254
00:12:02,990 --> 00:12:07,227
I can't believe he has to have
a party to come out.
255
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,096
That kid came out, out.
256
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:13,300
His umbilical cord
is a Gucci belt.
257
00:12:13,333 --> 00:12:15,903
Oh... These toys!
258
00:12:15,936 --> 00:12:18,105
This is like looking back
at my childhood
259
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:21,374
but, you know, a time before
rainbows became political.
260
00:12:21,408 --> 00:12:22,442
[Gasps]
261
00:12:22,475 --> 00:12:23,443
Oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
262
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:25,378
Oh, my god.
263
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,247
A my size Barbie!
264
00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,181
I had ten of these.
265
00:12:28,215 --> 00:12:30,183
Not to play with,
they were used as decoys
266
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:32,319
in case of a hostage situation.
267
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:36,990
And now your whole life's
a hostage situation.
268
00:12:37,024 --> 00:12:38,258
Sorry I'm late.
269
00:12:38,291 --> 00:12:40,127
My trainer, Gary,
and i got derailed
270
00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,262
talking about the real
housewives of orange county.
271
00:12:42,295 --> 00:12:43,831
Your core looks really good.
272
00:12:43,864 --> 00:12:46,033
I know, honey.
273
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:50,904
Now while i get my check book,
say hello to the olsens.
274
00:12:50,938 --> 00:12:52,372
You got a lot of toys.
275
00:12:52,405 --> 00:12:56,176
When i was a girl your age,
i only had this.
276
00:12:56,209 --> 00:12:57,887
I don't suppose i could play
with my size Barbie
277
00:12:57,911 --> 00:13:00,013
for a second.
278
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:02,282
I feel like that's
a "no, bitch."
279
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:04,918
I'm not... I'm not just talking
about the toys.
280
00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:07,087
You got a pretty sweet set-up.
281
00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:09,489
That nice lady out there,
giving you everything you want,
282
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:11,024
taking care of you.
283
00:13:11,058 --> 00:13:14,261
She's just a mom.
Everyone has one.
284
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:19,466
Not really. Some people
just have bad ass bears.
285
00:13:19,499 --> 00:13:21,334
Max, are you sure about this?
286
00:13:21,368 --> 00:13:23,904
This is the only thing you have
from your childhood.
287
00:13:23,937 --> 00:13:25,505
Not true, i have a dent
in my skull
288
00:13:25,538 --> 00:13:28,909
from a ball-peen hammer.
289
00:13:28,942 --> 00:13:30,878
The last time i change
the channel
290
00:13:30,911 --> 00:13:33,881
during three's company.
291
00:13:33,914 --> 00:13:36,383
Can we fast forward this
to me having the bear
292
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,051
and you two leaving?
293
00:13:38,085 --> 00:13:39,619
Okay, just take it,
it doesn't matter.
294
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:41,521
No, Max.
It does matter.
295
00:13:41,554 --> 00:13:42,522
We're not selling this.
296
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,191
He has enough toys.
297
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,994
I mean, all i wanted to do
was touch the life-size Barbie.
298
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,428
Okay, i see what's happening.
299
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,964
I've been down this road
with the beanie babies.
300
00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:52,332
I'll give you 600 for the bear.
301
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:53,266
Sold.
302
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,443
No, Max!
That's your childhood.
303
00:13:54,467 --> 00:13:55,468
700.
Sold!
304
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:56,937
No, Max!
305
00:13:56,970 --> 00:13:59,472
Caroline, my childhood
is not worth $700.
306
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:01,541
The most my mother ever got
for me was 40 bucks
307
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,276
and a big gulp.
308
00:14:03,310 --> 00:14:06,079
But that's "little you"
in there, Max.
309
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:07,614
And she's priceless.
310
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:09,025
And she's about to erased
and taped over
311
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:11,184
by the soundtrack from frozen.
312
00:14:11,218 --> 00:14:12,219
Frozen?
313
00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:16,123
Who am i?
Me, a year ago?
314
00:14:16,156 --> 00:14:18,191
No.
Can't have her.
315
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:20,493
Well, what are we gonna do now
about the other child?
316
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,029
The one in the diner?
317
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,964
Well, i guess he's just gonna
have to grow up.
318
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:25,508
Grow up? You think
if he had that ability,
319
00:14:25,532 --> 00:14:29,636
he wouldn't have used it yet?
320
00:14:29,669 --> 00:14:32,072
So what...
No bear?
321
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:34,241
Oh, please!
You'll have a bear in your life.
322
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:36,209
Trust me.
323
00:14:42,015 --> 00:14:43,250
All right, Max.
324
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:44,560
You're gonna help me
tell him, right?
325
00:14:44,584 --> 00:14:46,153
You like giving him bad news.
326
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:48,388
No, i like giving him bad news
about how he's short
327
00:14:48,421 --> 00:14:49,389
and has a big head.
328
00:14:49,422 --> 00:14:51,591
You know, fun bad news.
329
00:14:51,624 --> 00:14:53,193
Exciting news!
330
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:55,128
I got the fishies a new house!
331
00:14:55,162 --> 00:14:58,999
I got it cheap.
It was a foreclosure.
332
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:01,101
Uh, han, can we talk to you
over there
333
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,136
in the booth... the far booth?
334
00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:05,372
Can it wait?
I want to put in the new condo
335
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:09,009
so Max will stop calling me
a slum lord.
336
00:15:09,042 --> 00:15:10,610
Oh, that can wait,
i mean, those fish
337
00:15:10,643 --> 00:15:12,145
aren't going anywhere.
338
00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:13,456
Except for the blue one,
who's definitely playing
339
00:15:13,480 --> 00:15:15,983
some kind of twisted game
of hide and seek.
340
00:15:16,016 --> 00:15:17,426
Oh, yeah, he loves
that little house.
341
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:20,120
He's going to love
this one even more.
342
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,521
Max, can you join me?
343
00:15:21,554 --> 00:15:26,426
I'm pretty busy waiting
on tables right now.
344
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:27,694
Okay, what's going on?
345
00:15:27,727 --> 00:15:31,264
Max has never waited
on a table in her life.
346
00:15:31,298 --> 00:15:33,100
Max, i need you over here.
347
00:15:33,133 --> 00:15:35,102
I'm just putting down
this grilled cheese
348
00:15:35,135 --> 00:15:37,037
'cause i don't want
it to get cold.
349
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:40,040
Now I'm freaking out!
350
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:41,541
Max, don't do this to me.
351
00:15:41,574 --> 00:15:44,077
I know where the bodies
are buried, literally.
352
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:47,047
I move them every six months.
353
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,315
Well, what is it?
354
00:15:48,348 --> 00:15:51,451
Han, sometimes in life,
things happen
355
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,553
that you don't want to happen.
356
00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:56,056
Yes.
357
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,400
And even though it's hard,
you know,
358
00:15:57,424 --> 00:15:59,592
you just have to face up to it.
359
00:15:59,626 --> 00:16:02,095
I suppose.
360
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:06,066
Oh, dear god, this is rough.
361
00:16:06,099 --> 00:16:08,201
And, well...
362
00:16:08,235 --> 00:16:09,678
Han, i don't wanna have
to tell you this,
363
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,505
i know this is the last thing
you ever want to hear...
364
00:16:12,539 --> 00:16:13,740
Oh, just say it!
365
00:16:13,773 --> 00:16:19,079
The tampon machine
is broken again.
366
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:23,116
Later, I'll get my blindfold
and fix it.
367
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:24,717
Word of advice?
368
00:16:24,751 --> 00:16:26,153
When you do finally kill me,
369
00:16:26,186 --> 00:16:28,621
you gotta work on your game face
for the cops.
370
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:30,023
Max, please.
371
00:16:30,057 --> 00:16:31,624
I can't tell han
i murdered his fish.
372
00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:32,625
I can't.
373
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:33,802
Well, i can't tell him either.
374
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,562
Oh, hell, I'll tell him.
375
00:16:35,595 --> 00:16:41,434
I'm a black man, everyone
already assumes i did it.
376
00:16:41,468 --> 00:16:43,270
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
377
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:45,772
It's just a fish.
He'll be fine.
378
00:16:45,805 --> 00:16:47,740
I've decided I'll give blue
the new house
379
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:50,343
at its birthday party later.
380
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:53,613
It's the damn fish's birthday?
381
00:16:53,646 --> 00:16:55,615
I'm out.
382
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:59,086
And you're all invited.
383
00:16:59,119 --> 00:17:00,520
Blue's two years old today.
384
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:03,556
They don't usually live
that long.
385
00:17:03,590 --> 00:17:06,226
No, they do not.
386
00:17:06,259 --> 00:17:08,528
That's it, we can't tell him.
387
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:10,330
Even at han's age,
which i am guessing
388
00:17:10,363 --> 00:17:15,268
is somewhere between 14 and 53,
389
00:17:15,302 --> 00:17:17,604
some kids just aren't ready
to grow up.
390
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:18,805
What are we gonna do?
391
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:20,773
We're gonna run out
and buy a new one.
392
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:22,142
Where are we gonna get
the money?
393
00:17:22,175 --> 00:17:25,145
Oleg, you know how two years ago
394
00:17:25,178 --> 00:17:27,147
you offered me $1,000
for a back rub?
395
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:28,348
Of course.
396
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:32,085
Caroline will do it for $500.
397
00:17:32,119 --> 00:17:34,421
Deal.
One last hurrah.
398
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:35,788
Over the clothes,
above the waist,
399
00:17:35,822 --> 00:17:38,525
and i don't know why,
but you have to wear a condom.
400
00:17:44,531 --> 00:17:48,301
Yes, father Dominic rosello,
please.
401
00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:50,537
Oh, he's celebrating mass?
402
00:17:50,570 --> 00:17:54,374
Oh yeah, could you just tell him
that Sophie kachinski
403
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,310
is converting to monogamy?
404
00:17:57,344 --> 00:18:03,316
And uh, she won't be kneeling
at his altar anymore.
405
00:18:03,350 --> 00:18:07,887
Oh, yeah, yeah,
he'll understand.
406
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,656
Where's han and does he know?
407
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:13,260
No, but i can't keep pretending
i see that fish.
408
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:15,262
I'm a pot-head
with a touch of glaucoma.
409
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:17,497
I'm seeing stuff
that's not there.
410
00:18:17,530 --> 00:18:19,199
Not seeing stuff that's there
411
00:18:19,232 --> 00:18:21,701
it's confusing.
412
00:18:21,734 --> 00:18:23,170
Okay.
Come on, come on.
413
00:18:23,203 --> 00:18:24,704
Put it in, put it in, put it in.
414
00:18:24,737 --> 00:18:26,806
I have a whole new respect
for every guy
415
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:29,542
that's ever gone out with you.
416
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:31,611
Happy birthday, blue!
417
00:18:31,644 --> 00:18:36,816
(Han)
Happy birthday.
Happy birthday, blue.
418
00:18:36,849 --> 00:18:37,884
Where's blue?
419
00:18:37,917 --> 00:18:39,252
I haven't seen her all day.
420
00:18:39,286 --> 00:18:40,287
I just saw it.
421
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:42,655
Yeah, it was definitely there.
422
00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:44,357
You're not gonna give blue
that cupcake
423
00:18:44,391 --> 00:18:46,259
without a photo-op, are you?
Where's your iPad?
424
00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:49,529
I just saw it.
Yeah, it was definitely there.
425
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:50,497
Yeah, han, go!
426
00:18:50,530 --> 00:18:52,765
You need a pic so you can
post it on Facebook
427
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,201
or fishbook or whatever.
428
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:55,602
Good idea.
Here, hold this.
429
00:18:56,669 --> 00:18:59,639
Hey, Caroline,
you look less flat.
430
00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:02,475
You finally get that boob job
you needed?
431
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:06,846
I feel like the baggy broke.
432
00:19:06,879 --> 00:19:13,220
Yup, that's what happens
when you get the cheap implants.
433
00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,188
Oh, my god,
there is definitely something
434
00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,656
moving around in my bra.
435
00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:20,260
Well, it's good you can still
recognize that feeling.
436
00:19:20,293 --> 00:19:22,562
It's right... oh! Oh!
I touched it!
437
00:19:22,595 --> 00:19:23,530
Gross!
438
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,932
Someone, put your hand in my bra
and help me.
439
00:19:25,965 --> 00:19:28,835
Why now?
Now that I'm off the market!
440
00:19:28,868 --> 00:19:30,537
No, no, no, no, no, no.
441
00:19:30,570 --> 00:19:32,905
I'm afraid I'm gonna squish it
and kill it again.
442
00:19:32,939 --> 00:19:37,944
Okay, just get up on the counter
and drop it in the tank.
443
00:19:37,977 --> 00:19:39,412
What?
444
00:19:39,446 --> 00:19:42,849
Get up on the counter,
spread your legs,
445
00:19:42,882 --> 00:19:46,619
and just let it fall
into the tank.
446
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:47,887
You know what?
447
00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:51,724
Forget the back rub.
After this, we're square.
448
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:54,261
Okay, straddle the tank,
pull out your uniform,
449
00:19:54,294 --> 00:19:55,995
and let it go.
450
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,398
Now i owe you money.
451
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:02,969
Just squat over the tank
like you're delivering
452
00:20:03,002 --> 00:20:05,204
a fish baby.
453
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:08,975
I'm delivering a fish baby?
454
00:20:09,008 --> 00:20:11,311
This is where I'm at?
455
00:20:11,344 --> 00:20:13,746
Stop asking.
That's where you're at.
456
00:20:24,824 --> 00:20:29,729
Okay, now that i saw, right?
457
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:30,797
Caroline, get down!
458
00:20:30,830 --> 00:20:33,333
It's not that kind of party.
459
00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:40,807
Max, you're really still gonna
send t-rux back?
460
00:20:40,840 --> 00:20:42,342
After we got bullied by a kid
461
00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:44,677
with a tiffani Amber thiessen
pillow?
462
00:20:44,711 --> 00:20:48,014
Relax, t-rux is right over there
by the register.
463
00:20:48,047 --> 00:20:49,749
And by the way,
he's our first employee.
464
00:20:49,782 --> 00:20:52,352
Anytime we get a bone-head,
customer, he can say,
465
00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:53,653
"talk to the fist,"
466
00:20:53,686 --> 00:20:56,623
(both)
"'Cause the face is pissed."
467
00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:58,491
I'm just sending
my mother something
468
00:20:58,525 --> 00:21:00,427
to say thank you
for everything she gave me
469
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:01,628
when i was a child.
470
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:02,495
Aww, what's in there?
471
00:21:02,529 --> 00:21:04,364
Nothing!
34096
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