Original subtitles

["The Silver Dollar Kid"]

The silver dollar kid

Come and come and time grows short

Run or make your bid

Who'll be first to draw against the silver dollar kid?

The silver dollar kid

He travels fast, he travels light

Callin' the West, showdown fight

Showdown fight for a cause that's right

So look the other way

Or stay and make your play

Gunmen, gunmen, say your prayers

Like all the others did

Where's the man who'll stand against the silver dollar kid?

The silver dollar kid

Two men standing in the high noon sun

Their prizes fight they must

One will live when the day is done

One will die in the dust

And one will die in the dust

Let's go to Dawn City, that one's the toughest

No, I want to see Tombstone

Dawn City!

Tombstone!

Quiet!

We can't go to both

You folks want to know what was the toughest town in the Old West?

I promise the kids

The toughest town, huh?

Yeah

Mister, you're in it

This town?

Primrose, Arizona?

This town, Primrose, Arizona

You kidding?

No, sonny

You see, when they cleaned up all those wild western towns

And established law and order

All the famous gunmen, the killers with the big reputations wound up here

There was Billy the Kid Blake

Wild Bill Monk

The notorious Dalton brothers Ike and Jake

Doc Henley

Judd McCoy

And of course there was Nick Nolan

He took over Primrose

And if anybody got in his way, there was Black Bart

Stop it, Nick, it's murder

Murder?

I know, Cathy, as usual, it's a fair fight between two brave men

Isn't that right, gentlemen?

Try you yellow dog again

He's dead

Well, you're picking a better type of sheriff, gentlemen

This one lasted a whole week

We're not giving up, Nolan

There'll be law and order in Primrose

Someone will come and clean out your rattlesnakes

So the decent people can settle here

There must be such a man somewhere

Somewhere

Gunmen, gunmen, time grows short

Run or make your bid

Who'll be first to draw against the silver dollar kid?

The silver dollar kid

The silver dollar kid

Mark, you forgot your bonus for that little job this afternoon

Job?

It's a shame to take the money

Well, gentlemen, did you find a new sheriff yet?

My boys would be very anxious to meet him

I wonder how those killers of yours have acted

Just once they faced a decent hard-shooting man

Who wasn't half paralyzed by their reputation

Is there such a man?

Gunmen, gunmen, say your prayers

Like all the others did

Where the man will stand against the silver dollar kid

Hey, what's the idea?

Give me a drink

Stranger, I'm talking to you

Talking

A man who's carrying a gun shouldn't have to do too much talking

What's the idea?

I asked you for a drink

I didn't ask you for a glass

Yes, sir

Lots of fast guns around here?

Plenty

Who's the fastest gun in town?

I asked you who's the fastest gun in town?

That bar over there

Thank you

Say you're fifty and raise a hundred

Who did that?

You?

What is this, a joke?

You

Come over here

Who is this guy?

You

Come over here

You hit me in the head with a cork

It was a mistake, wasn't it?

You deliberately did it?

Mister, did you come in here to commit suicide?

Talking

This is a town of talkers

Men carry guns and they talk

Stranger, do you know who I am?

I hear you're a pretty fast gun

That's right

Prove it

Mister, are you actually looking for a fight with me?

Look, I'm not finding one

You found your fight, stranger

I never refused any man a fair fight

Fair fight?

That's right

Okay, if you insist upon a fair fight

Drop it

Drop it or I'll put your gun down

What does he want from me?

Alright

That ought to even it up

Point me towards my gun

Who is this guy?

How does it feel, Bart, to finally meet a man who isn't afraid of you?

How does it feel to be a little bit afraid yourself, Bart?

Afraid of this joker?

Alright

Put on your glasses and get your guns

We're starting even

You heard him

I gave him his chance, you're all my witnesses

I want your signed statements right after the autopsy

Drop it

It's done, Count

What?

You crazy? What are you doing?

What am I doing?

I'm eating an egg, that's what I'm doing

I'm counting

We start shooting on three

You're a good hunter too, aren't you?

Plenty of time

Bartender, salt

Who is this guy?

What's the matter, Bart?

Yeah, Bart, what's the matter?

Alright, stranger

You're ready to die

Count

One

Two

Three

Don't shoot, don't shoot

Please, Mr. Bart, don't shoot

Instead of him, it's going to be a gun to the other dog

No, no, I like him, I can't, it was his eyes

I like him

It's a good life, you idiot, poor bastard

Give me your chair

Let him go, can't you see he's a coward?

She makes sense, this is her, she makes sense

Go for your gun

How can you explain it suddenly you like somebody?

You hit me in the head with a cork

Poor little head, I'll make it well

Go for your gun

No, no, please, guns, guns

Bloodshed, can't men live peacefully together?

Shut up and fight

Fight? What does fighting ever prove? We're not living in the Middle Ages

Shut up

We're animals, we're highly civilized

Why?

I like you

Faded

A disgusting thing to see, Mayor

It's hard to believe that any human being could be so crazy

Somebody help me get him upstairs

Always the Florence Nightingale, aren't you, Kathy?

Here, somebody take his hat

Get up, you dirty yellow-jogger

Bart, Bart, come here

No man says what he said to me, and lives

Think of my reputation

Your reputation?

If you'd have so much as winged him, your reputation as a gunman would be finished

What do you mean?

You know who he is?

No

The Silver Dollar Kid

That's right

That's right, the Silver Dollar Kid, the yellowest man in the history of the Arizona Territory

The slowest gun in the West

I heard of him, but I never believed it

Who could believe those stories?

A dude with glasses comes out from the East, puts on a pair of guns

and immediately challenges every famous gunman to draw

and then turns yellow at the last second

Well, he must have started a thousand fights and never pulled his gun once

Any gunman with any reputation at all who'd kill him would be laughed out of the country

What a terrible thought

Imagine you spend your life building up a reputation

and suddenly you're known as the guy that killed the yellowest man in the West

You had a close shave, Bart

I need a drink

Here you go

Your move, Walt

Walt, the man who killed him would be laughed out of the country

What are you talking about?

Mayor, what's our problem?

You know what our problem is

We need a sheriff, a man who can keep from getting killed long enough for folks back East to decide this law and order here

Why?

Mayor, I think we've got our sheriff

Draw, draw

I want you to...

Where am I?

You're in my room

You're... What am I...

My guns

Where's my guns?

They're over there

I feel better now

Who are you?

Kathy McQueen, I work for the Sheriff

I brought you up here to my room

Must have been lonely for you waiting for a real man to show up

Well, he's here now

Come here, little lady

Now listen to me

I'm a dance hall girl, I drink with strange men, I smoke

But you get one thing straight

I'm not the kind of a woman you think I am

You're not?

No

Nothing's going right for me today

No, and you're not

Nothing's going right for me today

No, and you didn't do too well with Black Bard either

Oh, you saw the fight?

I was the woman you hid behind

Hid behind?

You saw, but you didn't understand, huh?

You just didn't understand

Understand what?

At the last minute I thought, somewhere Black Bard has a sweet white-haired old little mother

So I let him live

So that's why you refused to fight

Or with my lightning draw, it would have been cold-blooded murder

You're fast, huh?

Fast?

Count to three

One, two, three, four, five, six

Stinky leather, what are you doing?

Seven, eight

All right, all right

Nothing's going right for me today

Now it works

Silver Dollar, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?

Fire ahead

What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with me? Isn't that obvious?

Here at this sundown and I haven't killed a man yet

Of course, I've been on a trail all day and I ain't seen anybody except that Black Bard

And he has to have a sweet white-haired old little mother

You didn't answer my question, what's wrong with you?

What's wrong with me?

I'm yellow, that's what's wrong with me

I'm a coward, I'm yellow

I'm the yellowest man in the West

Now, now, Silver Dollar, kid

You know what? That's not even my real name

I'm just plain little old Fletcher Bissell the third of Boston

And now you know

Bissell?

Don't tell me you never heard of the Bissell family

The famous yellow-bellied Bissells?

Four hundred straight years of cowardice without a single break

That's why I came out west to prove that at least one Bissell could be brave

You mean not one Bissell has ever been brave?

And my father, Bull Bissell, he was a general in the Civil War

Bull Bissell, what did he do?

What did he do? The only battle he was in they named after him

Bull Run

That's wasted into the years as I had a straightest coward

That's why I came out west, I'm their last hope

Oh, Silver Dollar, why don't you go back?

No, no

I want to prove that one Bissell can be brave, courageous, heroic

Like being Sheriff of Primrose?

What?

We want to make you Sheriff

Are you crazy?

Quiet!

A Bissell? Sheriff of the toughest town in the West?

You'll be dead in 24 hours

Nonsense, cowards we may be

Somehow we managed to live a long time

How do you like that?

A Bissell, Sheriff of Primrose

Reject

Hey, the newspaper again

Come on

Hey, you look, the town's got a new Sheriff

Oh, what do you know?

Law and order comes to Primrose

Now listen to this, boys

A new era of law and order in Primrose is assured with the naming of a new Sheriff

Fletcher Bissell, the third

All right, boys, drinks on the house

Here's to the late Sheriff of Primrose, who was again, uh, Fletcher Bissell

The third

Now you hear this

Till now, Primrose has been a rough and a dangerous place to live in

You men are entitled to protection and I'm here to see that you get it

Oh, I, yes

Now then, there's going to be law and order in Primrose

Now, gentlemen, I've lined up a civic program for Primrose

Together we can push this thing over the top

First thing, I want you to sign up to be big brothers

In my Sheriff, Big Brother Club

Now what does that mean?

That means we take the boys and girls of Primrose on hikes, pageants, picnics

It'll be good for the youngsters and they are the future of Primrose

Next thing on hand, I'm instigating a clean up Primrose campaign

Now fess up, gentlemen

You've been messy about leaving your horses in the steep

I noticed these little things

Another important item

You're all to join the Sheriff's Arts and Crafts Club

I've arranged for a squaw from the Indian village right outside of town

She's coming in on Tuesday nights to teach us bead work

It'll be good for you sharpshooters, keep those pupils dilating

Next we have a very important item

Archery

With the main competition to be held on the 4th of July

The lucky winner to receive one of my silver dollars

Not bad, huh?

One of the Sheriff's silver dollars

How's your mother?

My mother?

She'll be proud of you, Bart, on Mother's Day

When you bring her a pair of Marketons beaded by your own hands

Bet you there, Tuesday night, you asked for laughing water

Here's another item

Thursday night, behind the General Store, we'll all gather for the Glee Club audition

And you, you're my first tenor

Tenor?

Don't fight me on this, you're the tenor

Now I'm gonna need a bass voice, I'm holding auditions right here

You look like a robust type, now sing it nice and low and robustly

Now sing, grim roasted, he's gonna grow, let's go

Grim roasted, come on now, don't be shy, wait your mouth

Don't hide on me, now sing it

Grim roasted, he's gonna grow, let's go

Excuse me, pardon me, but there's a little ceremony that we have to perform, Sheriff Bissell

Sheriff Bissell, oh you stop that

I'm Fletch, just plain old Fletch

Alright, Fletch, it's just a little ceremony that we perform for every new sheriff

Usually we wait two or three days, but in your case we're gonna make an exception

Oh, charmant, charmant, that means charming

Alright Ike, it's your turn, perform the ceremony

Alright Dalton, cat's got your tongue, oh don't be shy with me

Don't let this impress you, I'm just plain Fletch

I can't do it

It's your turn, you gotta do it

Look Nolan, I got a reputation to protect

I killed 32 men, but I gave everyone of them a fair draw, he won't draw his guns on you, Nolan

Sure he will, he's all steamed up about being sheriff, just provoke him

He'll draw, go on

Hello Sheriff

Sheriff, Sheriff, I'm just plain Fletch

You call me Fletch?

I'm calling you a yellow dog, a dirty crawling skunk, that's what I'm calling you

Now see here Dalton, I'm giving you ten seconds to take that back or you're gonna suffer the consequences

I ain't taking none of it back

Alright, if you ask for this, you're out of the glee club

No more canapes, I wanna hear your voice later

Sheriff, you're a disgrace to Primrose, this man's insulted you

And I punished him

You punished him?

Oh yes

Well he finds out that the glee club goes on tour, singing in Tombstone, Dodge City, and he has to stay home because he's been naughty, naughty, naughty

Why don't you drop mumsy a line?

I wanna hear your voice, man, I wanna hear you sing

He's got to be killed

Jake, take him

Uh-uh, I got some pride

I ain't gonna be remembered as the man who shot the silver dollar kid

Primrose City's gonna grow, Primrose City's gonna grow

You sing Primrose, Primrose, now try it

And Prim, won't you listen to me

Primrose City is gonna grow

You hear the walking back, Primrose

This is bad for your voice, out

Now, Primrose City, why don't you follow what I'm telling you, why don't you?

Alright Bart, looks like you've got to do it again

Bart

I ain't seen mumsy in twenty years

Alright you criminal, if your past reputations mean more than your future, I'll do it myself

I don't care whether he draws or not, he's getting it

Primrose City's gonna grow

Bissell

Bissell

Fletch

Coming

You made fools of us long enough, now I don't care whether you go for your guns or not, you're getting it, draw

Stop

Now you listen to me, I'm saying this once and once only

If that gun isn't down by the time I count three

Yeah

You're out of the Big Brothers

Don't get on to me, I'm shooting

Don't talk when I'm trying to count

One

Stop looking at me like I was dirt

Two

Somebody's got to do it

Three

Somebody's got to do it

Three

Good boy, see you Thursday night, wear any old clothes we're playing run, cheap run

Anything for the villagers, just send for Fletch

Please don't cheer, you'll startle the horses

Hallelujah

He's got to be killed

He's gotta be killed

It's him or his guts

That's how the silver dollar kid got to be Sheriff of Primrose

Well the oil's changed sir

Oh, how much do I owe you?

Let's see that

Check your spark plugs?

No no thanks

Imagine, they couldn't get anybody to kill Sheriff Bissell

That's right, until they brought in Sam Bass

Sam Bass?

You mean the most famous gunman of them all?

Sam Bass

You better warn the Sheriff

Yeah

Fire

Gunfighters must be pretty scarce around here

Price your offer

Hiya Sam

Hiya Sam

Sam

You got the slickest guns in the west right here in town

You sent for me?

Just who is this silver dollar kid?

Oh look Sam

Just how fast is this guy?

Sam you got nothing to worry about

Just remember one thing, when he says draw don't wait, fire

I haven't had a fight yet where I didn't give a man a chance to go for his gun

Oh now Sam don't ask me why but you can't wait for him to draw, fire

Well just how fast is this silver dollar kid?

You're getting paid ten thousand dollars to find out

Just don't wait for him to draw

Come in

Come in, come in

We're right in the middle of bead work class

Perhaps you'd like to join us?

Oh I do hope the registration isn't closed

We're lucky to have her, she's a wonderful teacher, there's such a shortage of teachers

I'm sure she'll be a good teacher

I'm sure she'll be a good teacher

Perhaps the registration isn't closed, we're lucky to have her, she's a wonderful teacher, there's such a shortage you know

Hello there, you're Sam Bass

Recognize you from your picture

But how I did is beyond me, I must apologize for the sloppy work our government printing press is doing

You see the pictures they send in on Billy the Kid? Horrible

Are you the sheriff?

No! Never use that word sheriff

I'm just Fletch, plain old Fletch

Fletch, are you the silver dollar kid?

Oh that, they used to call me that when I was in action

Well you're in action now, draw

Stop! Stop!

Look at your hands

My hands?

Sam, they're a dead giveaway

I refuse to shoot a man whose hands show me that all he wants is love and understanding

My hands?

Oh come on, stop kidding Sam, I know, I know

That you're an incipient psycho love depressant

But I give you my word, you will not leave this office

Madame, that's Kuzna

Right

Sam, that's help on the way

Right now in Vienna there's this 18 year old boy, Sigmund Freud, he has the answer

Who?

Sigmund Freud, he can help you Sam, he don't even have to know you

All he'd have to do is look at your hands

And he would know that you're a victim of a noveremotional ego, fighting an underdeveloped id

All this all came out in the debate that Freud had with Spinoza last year in Budapest

Was that a night to remember? Will you ever forget that night?

This young scientist, Sigmund Freud, came out with theories that startled the scientific world

Freud was so sure that he had the right path

And he tried to give these knowledges, fighting him all the way

What did Spinoza do? He yelled, fraud Freud

Did he play on words? The inner complex?

Fraud Freud, this is not startled Freud

He said, sir, have you ever had a complex of hatred in a dream bedlam?

Did you ever wake up in the morning and say, what has confused me?

What has confused you? Sex! Sex has confused you!

And Spinoza, an old man at the time, says, well, perhaps when I was younger

But no Freud said, and then he came out with theories which would help you Sam

You of all people, he would know

That when you make this threatening gesture with your hands, which seems to say kill, kill

You are only saying, love me, love me

Sam, you're just a lonely, frightened little boy

These are not your guns, Sam

They're your teddy bears

Teddy bears?

If you need help, come and see me

Are you crazy? Who is this guy?

Our people call him Chogovumolko-Ot

Now what does that mean?

Man with voice of lion and heart of mouse

Oh, I heard that

Just for that, your tribe cannot have a float in the 4th of July parade

Heart of mouse? Could it be your yellow?

Oh, Sam, we're not discussing my problem, we're discussing your problem

Why don't you write, Sigmund, Beatus is 12-bottomed, fleek and faggot, schwaza, Budapest, send a self-advice

Shut up!

Your reputation was too good for those guys

They want to put an end to it

They want some shooting, they'll get some shooting

No, no, I forbid gunplay in Primrose

You and your big Indian mouth

Now look, Sam

You were going to make me a laughing stock, weren't you?

Shut up! I absolutely forbid any gunplay

Draw

Drew

I dropped a dollar

Well, no one?

I'm not in your league with a gun, Sam

Anyone thinks he is?

Maybe

Welcome to Primrose

I guess it must be true what we heard about your new sheriff

He must be wonderful

It sure is a nice, quiet town

The Dalton brothers

The great Sam Bass

My teddy bear

I warned them, I warned them about gunplay in Primrose

But they won't listen

They just won't listen

Oh, be sure and wire the federal marshal about that $10,000 reward

We'll use the money for building the new clubhouse

My design

Stucco, red tile, Spanish

Oh no, don't fight me on this

We're going Spanish all the way

Well, what have we got here?

Here I am, girls

This is what you came west for

Oh, Sheriff, it's Missile

Say, you're all right

These your young'uns?

Yep

Good show, adore me

I love cattle, though

Love it

Hey, hey, hey

Can I have your attention?

Just a minute, folks

Can I have your attention?

I have the honor of announcing the engagement of my daughter, Elsie May

To the man that brought law and order to the toughest town in the West

And made Primrose a haven for decent folks

Sheriff Fletcher Bissell III

Hooray!

All right, all right, folks

Now listen, I ain't a talking man

But Elsie May, he is my woman

And anyone who says different will answer to my two friends

My shootin' eyes

Gates, the Sheriffs engaged to be married?

That's right, we just announced it

Well, boys, we've got him

Because there's not a man in the West, no matter how yellow he is

Who won't stand up if the girl he loves is insulted

Now, Blake, this is your specialty

Now, Blake, this is your specialty

All right, what do you want, Blake?

I'll show you what I want, Sheriff

I want her

Fletcher!

Well, Sheriff?

Well, Sheriff?

Gentlemen, remove your hats

You have just witnessed the most beautiful demonstration of true love you'll ever see

True love?

Elsie May

Mr. Blake here came in here with so much love in his heart for you

He was willing to face certain death, my guns, just to prove it

I'm engaged to you!

You're a lucky girl, Elsie May

I thought you loved me

I do, but compared to him, I gotta step aside

You're gonna let him get away with it?

Why, the easiest thing to do would be to gun him down

But I'd rather step aside than be known as the man who snuffed out this great love

Fletcher Biffle, you're gonna regret this to your dying day

Come on

Wait a minute

Don't you speak to me again!

I...

Wait a minute, Blake

There goes my love

Took a mighty brave man to do that, Sheriff

Thanks, Dad

Leave me with my broken dream

Don't cry, Sheriff

Comfort me

Yee-haw!

Two more families today and their waves are on the way

Boys, every day that yellow coward stays alive, those waves get closer and closer

Now, one of you's got to do it

We still got time, there's still four of you left

Four of the toughest, fastest guns

William!

Didn't I tell you to stop hanging out with these bums?

Come on, Elsie May

We're due at the church, if I ever catch you...

Elsie May, repeat

Now they're dropping like flies

This was gonna be our town, and who stops us?

The yellowest coward ever to show his face in the West

Nick, don't be sure of us for not shooting him

We just couldn't do it

The guy that would shoot that yellow dog would have to be as yellow as him

Say that again

All I said was, to shoot that yellow dog...

We have to find somebody as yellow as he is, that's it

It's a pretty tough order

Thanks, there must be someone

There was a guy down in Tombstone

Now I remember his name

Chicken Fensterwald

Chicken Fensterwald, what did he do?

Don't ask me to repeat

Go on

He shot an 84 year old woman

He shot an 84 year old woman

In the back

Back, that I know of

When he heard that she'd recovered and was looking for him

He high-tailed it out of town and went north

Well, get him!

What?

Any man would shoot an 84 year old woman in the back

And then be afraid to face her in a showdown

Where is he? Find him

Find him? I don't even know what he looks like

Haven't you got a clue?

Something

Yeah, now I remember

He walks like a duck

Get me this chicken that walks like a duck

Go on, get moving, let's find him

Yes, gentlemen

You got a man here named Chicken Fensterwald?

Walks like a duck

Mister, as long as they pay their room rent

We don't care how they walk

Where are the guests?

They're just finishing dinner

They should be out any minute

Here's your weekly bill

Let's see that

Are you positive you haven't got a cheaper room?

Cheaper? You're sleeping in the lobby now

I know, but I don't need all this space

I'm not sure I'm going to get any more than that

I'm not sure I'm going to get any more than that

I'm not sure I'm going to get any more than that

I'm not sure I'm going to get any more than that

I'm not sure I'm going to get any more than that

I'm not sure I'm going to get any more than that

Someone is at the door

There's a man there

Who are those fellows?

I didn't ask them

Are they looking at me?

Well if they're looking for trouble

They're not going to get it

Remember, if they start anything

I'll faint

Oh, yes.

Oh, well, anyway, this doctor says to me, he says,

now look, he says, with your heart condition,

excuse me, have you got a rope?

he says anything is, oops.

Oh, I, oh, I, I'm terribly sorry.

It was, it was my fault.

Excuse me, sir, I didn't mean to jostle you.

It really was an accident.

Please don't hit me.

Now, really, Barclay, you're such a clumsy oaf.

Please don't be hard on him, sir.

Shame on you, Barclay.

Well.

Please accept my apology, sir.

All right, but don't let it happen again.

You got off lucky this time.

Please don't be mad at Barclay, mister.

I'm such a louse.

We just want to be friends.

All right, how about a friendly game of poker?

Oh, good, he likes us.

Yes, what shall we play, sir?

Five card draw, usual rules.

Jacks are better to open.

Now I gotta win.

Any objections?

No, sir, no.

No.

All right, handy a dollar.

I'm in.

I'm in.

I'm in.

I'm light.

I'm light.

What are you fellas doing up around here anyway?

Well, we're mining students.

Mining students?

Yes, we were working a mine that petered out down in Tombstone.

Hey, speaking of Tombstone, you fellas ever run into a Mrs. Hotchkiss?

Hotchkiss?

Yeah, about 84 years old, stands about this high, snow white hair, wears glasses, walks with a cane.

Real mean.

Yeah, those old ones can be real hungry.

And fast, too.

Takes a pretty good man to bring him down.

Mrs. Hotchkiss.

Where?

No, she ain't here.

Watch it, will you?

I'd just like her to put a rubber tip on the end of her cane so I wouldn't hear her tapping up on me.

What about this Mrs. Hotchkiss?

Ain't she that old woman who was shot in the back?

Yeah, she was drag ghost in the dark alley.

Where is she now?

In jail.

In jail, huh?

Yeah, they found out she was a brains of a stage coach robbing gang.

It was a thousand dollars reward for the guy who got her.

A thousand dollars?

Yep.

Yeah, they found the man who claimed he gunned her down and gave him the thousand.

But that's my money!

Your money?

Boys, I'm the man who shot Mrs. Hotchkiss.

I'm Chicken Finster one.

Now mister, you sure you're not just a bragging?

I told you I shot her.

Everybody in Tombstone knew it had to be me.

I sneaked up behind her in the dark alley, see, and I kicked the cane from out under her.

And I winged her as she was going down.

That's my trademark.

How do you like that?

And this other guy got the credit for it.

It's my thousand dollars.

Who is he?

Fletcher Bissell the Third.

Fletcher Bissell the Third?

He's from our hometown, Primrose, Arizona.

He fast with a gun?

Well, I hate to say this, sir, but he's probably the yellowest man in the West.

Any dark alleys in Primrose?

Plenty of them.

Saddle the horse.

We're riding for Primrose.

And he shot this little old lady in the back?

Yes, Sheriff.

Oh, I know we've had our differences, Fletch, but when I heard what had happened to poor Mrs. Hotchkiss here,

I brought her all the way down from Tombstone to see justice done.

Because that's the kind of a sheriff I think this town has now.

Now, folks, now listen to this.

I'm taking a vow.

I'm going to hunt that farmer and chicken Finsterwall down.

And when I do, I'll shoot him down like a dog, wherever he's hiding.

I can take care of him myself.

Now, there, there, mother.

That's my job.

And I promise you, when I hunt him down and I find him, my two friends here will speak.

Sheriff, you don't have to hunt him down.

He's right here in Primrose.

Here in Primrose?

He's in my saloon right now.

I'll see he doesn't get away.

Go get him, Sheriff.

Come with me.

Well, I'm very busy.

I got these posters to get out.

I got these posters to get out.

So he took my $1,000, eh?

No man lives that does that.

I can't wait till it gets dark.

You won't have to wait.

You're going to be fighting in just a few minutes.

In broad daylight?

Face to face.

Face to face?

What are you talking about?

That ain't my style.

I'm a Batman.

Listen, I got here.

The Sheriff's on the way.

What's all this face to face nonsense?

Well, that's the way it's got to be.

You shoot him in the back and it's murder.

They'll form vigilante groups.

We'll be all finished here.

Here he comes.

Wait a minute.

No.

Get him out of there.

Get him out of there.

Get him out of there.

Well, Mrs. Hotchkiss?

Touch the man.

Stop her.

Stop her.

Take that to her.

Don't just stand there.

I mean, somebody cover her.

All right, she's covered.

Sheriff, do your duty.

That's Chicken Finsterwald, the dirty coward who shot this dear little old lady in the back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's the sober dollar kid, the yellowest man in the West.

Aye.

I don't know why.

I've always thought that.

If this man lives, he'll be applauded in the fair name of Primrose.

Who said that?

There are hundreds of settlers on the way here.

If they ever learn that a stake like this is allowed to roam the streets of Primrose, they'll all turn back.

Yeah.

All right.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Quiet.

Now, you all listen to me.

There'll be no troublemakers in Primrose since I've been sheriff.

And I aim to keep it that way.

Now, stand back.

I'm giving you one hour to hit the trail.

Quiet.

This was a nice little town until this old troublemaker showed up.

Now, get in your horse and ride.

And he's afraid.

What?

Who?

You?

Who said afraid?

Afraid?

Let me tell you something.

Is this the way to kill a man with no evidence?

Does he look like the kind of man to shoot a little old lady in the back?

Look at those baby blue eyes.

I will not shoot an innocent man.

Innocent?

He told us he did it.

Yes.

That's right.

Sheriff, you're going to do your job.

You're going to do your job.

You're going to do your job.

I'll get you with the gun.

You?

Now, you listen to me.

Every corpuscle of my blood keeps saying, go for your guns.

But I got a heart.

And my heart tells me, what will we accomplish shooting this man?

Outside of satisfying this bloodthirsty old troublemaker?

Quiet.

Get on your horse and ride.

Don't worry.

All right.

This man committed a crime.

And I've given him a chance to redeem himself.

I'm making him my deputy.

What?

Are you much of yours?

That did it?

Quiet.

I've waited a long time for the right man to come along.

And I finally got him.

You're winging it, huh?

These old ones are tough to get.

How did you do it?

You know how?

How?

I sneaked behind her, see?

And I kicked the cane out from under her.

And bang, bang, bang.

First a blue bead.

Then a red bead.

That's it, now you're getting it.

See these?

Yeah.

That laughing water make me up a gross.

Showing the small profit, but very nice.

Well, this town's getting to be pretty quiet, ain't it?

Yep.

All because two men faced each other and found friendship.

Yeah.

Fletch.

What is it, Chick?

I gotta get something off my chest.

Go ahead.

I didn't like you at first.

You didn't?

No.

The reason I didn't draw is because I'm yellow.

I got something to tell you.

What is it, Fletch?

I didn't like you at first either.

You didn't?

Only reason I didn't draw on you is because I'm yellower than you are.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

There ain't nobody yellower than me.

I come from the yellowest family that ever lived.

Oh, you don't know what you're saying.

You must have heard of the Bissell family.

The yellow-bellied Bissell.

Yeah.

Amongst us Finsterwals, your family was known as the line-hearted.

Now, see here, chicken.

I've taken all I'm gonna take from you.

I'm gonna stand here and have you insinuate my family weren't yellow.

That's all we got left.

Anytime you say that the Bissells are yellower than the Finsterwals, you're a liar.

I never drew my gun in anger before, but I'm warning you.

I'm gonna be in the middle of Main Street at high noon in my shooting clothes.

Now, you come ready to apologize or you'll be ready to drown.

You got yourself a fight.

All right, chicken Finsterwald.

I'm calling you out for a dirty rotten liar.

Are you man enough to make your play?

All right, you lily-livered snake.

You draw, you poor flushing coyote.

You draw.

You draw.

No, you draw.

You draw.

You draw first.

You draw.

You draw.

You draw.

You draw.

Draw.

You draw.

You.

Are you gonna draw?

You draw.

You draw.

Stop waiting.

You draw.

You draw first.

You draw.

That's how John Fletcher Bissell, the silver dollar kid, cleaned up the toughest town in the Old West.

And ever since that day, descendants of old Fletcher have been the peace officers here in Primrose.

Here's your bill.

Seventy-two dollars?

That's right.

So that was the gimmick.

You kept us here all day with that cock and bull story just so you could run up a bill.

Oh, now look here.

That was the truth.

Truth?

There never was anybody ever lived as yellow as you say the silver dollar kid was.

I'm not paying.

Now, listen to you.

You're paying every cent of that bill or that car ain't moving.

Oh, it ain't, huh?

Well, we'll see about that.

Hold it.

Now, what's going on here?

Get lost, copper.

All right, all right.

What are you...

Tell this little one to move.

All right.

Get off of me.

Do it now.

All right.

Who'll be first to draw against the silver dollar king?

The silver dollar king.

Oh, he travels fast, he travels lot,

Comin' in the west for a showdown fight,

Showdown fight for a cause that's right,

So look the other way, or stay and make your play.

Come and come and say your prayers like all the others did,

Where's the man who'll stand against the silver dollar king?

The silver dollar king.