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1
00:00:02,234 --> 00:00:05,234
( theme music playing )
2
00:01:13,267 --> 00:01:16,267
It's okay, I guess.
3
00:01:16,300 --> 00:01:17,934
Why am I being modest?
4
00:01:17,968 --> 00:01:19,267
I'm alone.
5
00:01:19,300 --> 00:01:21,200
It's perfect.
6
00:01:24,234 --> 00:01:25,767
Metropolitan Museum.
7
00:01:25,801 --> 00:01:27,267
I bet you're wondering
8
00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:29,901
how you got a cab
so fast in this rain.
9
00:01:29,934 --> 00:01:32,000
Well, it's because I've been
sitting here admiring
10
00:01:32,033 --> 00:01:33,367
this window display.
11
00:01:33,400 --> 00:01:36,100
You see, I work
here part-time at
this art gallery.
12
00:01:36,133 --> 00:01:36,901
Uh, excuse me,
if you don't mind,
13
00:01:36,934 --> 00:01:37,834
I really don't
feel much like talking.
14
00:01:37,868 --> 00:01:40,000
Just take me
to the Metropolitan, okay?
15
00:01:40,033 --> 00:01:41,801
Oh, I wasn't talking,
I was just...
16
00:01:41,834 --> 00:01:43,133
Hey!
17
00:01:43,167 --> 00:01:45,267
I don't know how to make it
any clearer than that.
18
00:01:45,300 --> 00:01:46,801
Please take me
to the Metropolitan.
19
00:01:46,834 --> 00:01:50,367
Okay. You charmed me into it.
20
00:01:53,634 --> 00:01:55,067
Where you going?
21
00:01:55,100 --> 00:01:57,300
You said
the Metropolitan Museum.
22
00:01:57,334 --> 00:01:59,901
I meant the one in New York.
Why didn't you stay on Madison?
23
00:01:59,934 --> 00:02:02,501
It's shorter this way.
You said you were in a hurry.
24
00:02:02,534 --> 00:02:06,334
You are taking a longer
route than you need to.
25
00:02:06,367 --> 00:02:07,667
It's not any longer.
You know, wait a minute.
26
00:02:07,701 --> 00:02:10,634
Are you accusing me
of jacking up the fare?
27
00:02:10,667 --> 00:02:12,033
No. I'm accusing you of trying.
28
00:02:12,067 --> 00:02:13,501
Unfortunately, I caught you.
29
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,534
Hey, look, Mister. I swear
I'm not trying to cheat you.
30
00:02:15,567 --> 00:02:17,767
Now if you want, I can take you
back where I picked you up,
31
00:02:17,801 --> 00:02:19,801
and we can start over
and I'll take a different route.
32
00:02:19,834 --> 00:02:22,968
Thanks, but I've
seen Jersey.
33
00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,133
Okay, out of the cab.
34
00:02:27,167 --> 00:02:29,067
It's pouring rain out there.
35
00:02:29,100 --> 00:02:32,834
The law says you have to take me
wherever I want to go.
36
00:02:32,868 --> 00:02:35,968
There's no way
you can make me leave this cab.
37
00:02:36,000 --> 00:02:40,934
Rape... rape... rape!
38
00:02:40,968 --> 00:02:43,601
You may have a little trouble
getting that story to stick
39
00:02:43,634 --> 00:02:44,767
when the police find out
40
00:02:44,801 --> 00:02:47,434
I'm the National Secretary
for the Gay Liberation Force.
41
00:02:51,767 --> 00:02:55,200
We'll be there
in a few minutes.
42
00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,868
Next time be
a little more careful
43
00:03:07,901 --> 00:03:09,234
who you try and rip off.
44
00:03:09,267 --> 00:03:12,033
Look, Mister, I realize
we've had our differences
45
00:03:12,067 --> 00:03:13,767
but you owe me $2.85.
46
00:03:13,801 --> 00:03:17,467
Here's a dollar. I'm not paying
for the scenic route.
47
00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:19,434
Hey, wait a minute, Mister!
48
00:03:19,467 --> 00:03:21,968
Mister, you forgot
your briefcase.
49
00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,534
Oh.
50
00:03:24,567 --> 00:03:26,834
Hey, come back here!
51
00:03:29,334 --> 00:03:31,701
He's faster than he looks.
52
00:03:37,767 --> 00:03:39,367
Come on, come on.
53
00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:40,968
Jacks or better.
54
00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,567
All right, give me
something good.
55
00:03:43,601 --> 00:03:46,133
Not if I can help it.
56
00:03:46,167 --> 00:03:48,267
Oh, sweet heaven.
57
00:03:50,300 --> 00:03:51,767
Did I tip my hand again?
58
00:03:51,801 --> 00:03:53,868
Only to the trained eye.
59
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:55,901
Why do I do that
all the time?
60
00:03:55,934 --> 00:03:57,067
Hi, guys.
61
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,067
Hey, Elaine.
What do you say?
62
00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:00,067
I'm not sure.
63
00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:02,234
I just had
a really bad fare today.
64
00:04:02,267 --> 00:04:05,067
Hey, Bobby, she thinks
she had a bad fare.
65
00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:06,434
What happened?
66
00:04:06,467 --> 00:04:10,000
I had the QANTAS koala bear
get carsick in my cab.
67
00:04:10,033 --> 00:04:13,868
And you don't want to know
what a koala bear does
68
00:04:13,901 --> 00:04:16,234
when he gets carsick.
69
00:04:16,267 --> 00:04:18,434
Hey, Alex, could I talk
to you for a moment?
70
00:04:18,467 --> 00:04:19,634
Huh? Yeah, sure.
71
00:04:19,667 --> 00:04:20,634
Deal me out.
72
00:04:20,667 --> 00:04:22,367
I'll sit in for you.
73
00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:23,701
What's wrong?
74
00:04:23,734 --> 00:04:25,367
I feel really strange.
75
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:26,701
Why? What is it?
76
00:04:26,734 --> 00:04:29,501
Well, you know that art gallery
where I work part-time?
77
00:04:29,534 --> 00:04:33,067
And where they treat me like I
was some sort of receptionist?
78
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:36,467
Yeah. You mean the place where
you work as a receptionist.
79
00:04:36,501 --> 00:04:38,534
Yeah. Well, they let me design
80
00:04:38,567 --> 00:04:41,634
their new window display
for their new exhibit
81
00:04:41,667 --> 00:04:43,801
and everybody loved what I did.
82
00:04:43,834 --> 00:04:46,868
Now, it's just staring out
on Madison Avenue.
83
00:04:46,901 --> 00:04:49,167
People are even
congratulating me.
84
00:04:49,200 --> 00:04:50,501
No wonder you're down.
85
00:04:50,534 --> 00:04:52,634
You realized
your lifelong ambition.
86
00:04:52,667 --> 00:04:56,634
I know, but it just
doesn't seem like
my life, you know.
87
00:04:56,667 --> 00:04:59,234
Things like this
never happen to me.
88
00:04:59,267 --> 00:05:02,267
That's why I got a little crazy
and I pushed.
89
00:05:02,300 --> 00:05:05,667
I invited them all to a party,
and they accepted.
90
00:05:05,701 --> 00:05:07,467
Oh, hey, sounds
like you're on a roll.
91
00:05:07,501 --> 00:05:09,300
Let me know how it turns out.
92
00:05:09,334 --> 00:05:12,200
I was kind of hoping
that maybe you'd come.
93
00:05:12,234 --> 00:05:14,334
See, I'd really like
to have one person there
94
00:05:14,367 --> 00:05:16,033
that I don't care
about impressing.
95
00:05:17,501 --> 00:05:21,000
How can I turn down
an invitation like that?
96
00:05:21,033 --> 00:05:24,133
Yeah, and one more thing--
when you're at the party
97
00:05:24,167 --> 00:05:28,100
can you remember that nobody
knows that I'm a cab driver?
98
00:05:28,133 --> 00:05:30,067
See, if they knew I
drove a cab at night
99
00:05:30,100 --> 00:05:32,033
they'd find it
a little unusual.
100
00:05:32,067 --> 00:05:34,767
I can't afford
to be unusual yet.
101
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:37,200
So you actually lie
about your job?
102
00:05:37,234 --> 00:05:40,167
I don't lie.
I fudge.
103
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,601
I'm kind of hoping that
maybe you won't tell them
104
00:05:42,634 --> 00:05:44,200
that you're a cab
driver, either.
105
00:05:44,234 --> 00:05:45,801
Oh, no.
I won't do that, Elaine.
106
00:05:45,834 --> 00:05:46,801
Oh, come on...
107
00:05:46,834 --> 00:05:47,801
Nope!
108
00:05:47,834 --> 00:05:49,133
It's one little thing.
109
00:05:49,167 --> 00:05:51,200
No, it's not
just one little thing.
110
00:05:51,234 --> 00:05:54,000
Hey, sure it is.
Ask anybody.
111
00:05:54,033 --> 00:05:55,234
Hey, guys, can you believe him?
112
00:05:55,267 --> 00:05:56,667
He won't tell
one little lie for me.
113
00:05:56,701 --> 00:05:59,734
The only guy I know that
never told a lie was my dad.
114
00:05:59,767 --> 00:06:01,033
Come on. Never?
115
00:06:01,067 --> 00:06:02,634
Nope. He once told me
116
00:06:02,667 --> 00:06:05,434
"John, remember
your father's words.
117
00:06:05,467 --> 00:06:09,567
"The liar's punishment is not
that he is not believed
118
00:06:09,601 --> 00:06:12,701
but that he cannot believe
anyone else."
119
00:06:12,734 --> 00:06:16,868
John, George Bernard Shaw
said that.
120
00:06:16,901 --> 00:06:18,467
He did?
121
00:06:18,501 --> 00:06:20,501
Your father was
George Bernard Shaw?
122
00:06:20,534 --> 00:06:21,834
Alex, Can we talk
123
00:06:21,868 --> 00:06:23,000
about this?
124
00:06:23,033 --> 00:06:25,167
What do you want him
to lie about?
125
00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:26,367
Maybe I can do it for you.
126
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:28,100
I'm throwing a party
Friday night.
127
00:06:28,133 --> 00:06:30,901
Hey, it's a little short notice,
but I can make it.
128
00:06:30,934 --> 00:06:32,567
Why are you having
a party on Friday night?
129
00:06:32,601 --> 00:06:34,234
We're all going
to miss a lot of business.
130
00:06:34,267 --> 00:06:35,801
Well, actually guys,
this is a party I'm throwing
131
00:06:35,834 --> 00:06:38,200
for the people
at my art gallery.
132
00:06:38,234 --> 00:06:39,868
Who cares, the more,
the merrier. Right?
133
00:06:39,901 --> 00:06:41,667
They don't understand.
134
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:43,033
Oh, I get it.
135
00:06:43,067 --> 00:06:45,267
We're not invited.
136
00:06:46,267 --> 00:06:48,701
How come we can't go
to the party too?
137
00:06:48,734 --> 00:06:50,167
'Cause we're
nobodies.
138
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:53,601
We're stupid, ignorant,
low-life cabbies.
139
00:06:53,634 --> 00:06:55,667
Oh.
140
00:06:55,701 --> 00:06:57,667
What do you think, Latka?
141
00:06:57,701 --> 00:07:01,400
( speaking native tongue )
142
00:07:01,434 --> 00:07:04,200
Latka, in English.
143
00:07:04,234 --> 00:07:08,868
If they don't come,
I don't come.
144
00:07:08,901 --> 00:07:11,033
I'm sorry.
They can't come.
145
00:07:11,067 --> 00:07:14,267
All right,
then I come without them.
146
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,067
All right! All right!
147
00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:17,234
You can come.
148
00:07:17,267 --> 00:07:19,400
If it means
that much to you.
149
00:07:19,434 --> 00:07:21,300
If it doesn't matter to you
that you screw me up
150
00:07:21,334 --> 00:07:23,067
with my bosses or ruin
the one chance I have
151
00:07:23,100 --> 00:07:25,234
to send my kids
to a decent school
152
00:07:25,267 --> 00:07:27,701
then, by all means,
just come to my party.
153
00:07:27,734 --> 00:07:29,634
What's the address?
154
00:07:29,667 --> 00:07:31,434
Hey, you come
with me.
155
00:07:31,467 --> 00:07:32,968
I know where it is.
156
00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,767
Thank you very much.
157
00:07:34,801 --> 00:07:36,400
Let's go get
something to eat,
158
00:07:36,434 --> 00:07:38,300
and I'll tell you
about my outfit.
159
00:07:38,334 --> 00:07:40,934
Hey, Elaine,
hey, don't worry about us.
160
00:07:40,968 --> 00:07:43,868
Nobody's gonna know
we're taxicab drivers.
161
00:07:43,901 --> 00:07:45,467
Come on. We'll cover it up.
All right?
162
00:07:45,501 --> 00:07:46,467
Okay.
163
00:07:46,501 --> 00:07:47,834
All right.
164
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,634
See you later, Alex.
165
00:07:49,667 --> 00:07:51,167
Ahem!
166
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:52,400
You're in luck.
167
00:07:52,434 --> 00:07:55,000
Looks like you got a chance to
nab Louie for your guest list.
168
00:07:55,033 --> 00:07:57,334
Yeah, I might give your party
a tumble.
169
00:07:57,367 --> 00:07:59,167
Perhaps some of those
art-world cuties
170
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:03,767
might want me to pose for them
au naturel.
171
00:08:03,801 --> 00:08:05,968
Louie, you're not invited.
172
00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:07,033
What do you mean?
173
00:08:07,067 --> 00:08:08,567
I mean if you're even seen
174
00:08:08,601 --> 00:08:11,133
in the vicinity
of my apartment Friday night
175
00:08:11,167 --> 00:08:12,801
I'll have you arrested.
176
00:08:12,834 --> 00:08:14,667
Oh, really not invited.
177
00:08:14,701 --> 00:08:17,100
Okay. Who needs you?
178
00:08:17,133 --> 00:08:20,801
Come on let's get this garage
back to normal!
179
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:24,267
Hey, Latka! You finish cleaning
that cab yet?
180
00:08:26,934 --> 00:08:28,300
Phew!
181
00:08:28,334 --> 00:08:32,634
Who drive a sick koala bear?
182
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,601
( doorbell ringing )
183
00:08:40,634 --> 00:08:41,634
Alex?
184
00:08:41,667 --> 00:08:42,701
Yeah.
185
00:08:42,734 --> 00:08:43,868
( Sighs )
186
00:08:43,901 --> 00:08:45,167
Hi.
187
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:46,167
Hi.
188
00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,167
Did I get the wrong night?
189
00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:49,667
No, this is the night.
190
00:08:49,701 --> 00:08:51,634
Well, don't bother
to introduce me.
191
00:08:51,667 --> 00:08:53,133
I'll just mingle.
192
00:08:53,167 --> 00:08:54,467
How are you?
193
00:08:54,501 --> 00:08:55,701
I played a little
trick on you, Alex.
Oh?
194
00:08:55,734 --> 00:08:58,467
I told you the wrong time
so that you'd get here early.
195
00:08:58,501 --> 00:08:59,868
Great trick. Why?
196
00:08:59,901 --> 00:09:01,567
Well, see,
you're doing me a favor.
197
00:09:01,601 --> 00:09:04,133
Now that you're here,
no one has to go through
198
00:09:04,167 --> 00:09:06,167
the embarrassment
of arriving first.
199
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,701
You know how
uncomfortable
that can be.
200
00:09:11,601 --> 00:09:13,334
I can only imagine.
201
00:09:13,367 --> 00:09:16,400
Besides, I'm a little
insecure about this party
202
00:09:16,434 --> 00:09:17,767
and I wanted someone
203
00:09:17,801 --> 00:09:20,167
to tell me
how nice the place looks.
204
00:09:23,634 --> 00:09:24,734
Well, you can start anytime.
205
00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:25,834
Oh, yes.
206
00:09:25,868 --> 00:09:27,000
It looks great.
207
00:09:27,033 --> 00:09:28,334
No, it really does.
208
00:09:28,367 --> 00:09:29,334
I like that.
209
00:09:29,367 --> 00:09:30,801
Oh, and I like that.
210
00:09:30,834 --> 00:09:32,667
And I really like this.
211
00:09:32,701 --> 00:09:34,067
Thanks.
212
00:09:34,100 --> 00:09:35,200
You know, this was hard.
213
00:09:35,234 --> 00:09:36,634
I had to borrow some furniture
214
00:09:36,667 --> 00:09:38,200
and move the kids' beds
upstairs.
215
00:09:38,234 --> 00:09:41,133
I'm really knocking myself out
for this party.
216
00:09:41,167 --> 00:09:42,901
But I think I'm going to be okay
217
00:09:42,934 --> 00:09:44,968
as long as my cheese puffs
are a hit.
218
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,000
Oh...
219
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,067
Delicious.
220
00:09:50,100 --> 00:09:52,300
Take it from a puff man.
221
00:09:54,334 --> 00:09:58,300
So, is there anything
I've overlooked?
222
00:09:58,334 --> 00:10:01,701
Oh, uh... persons.
223
00:10:01,734 --> 00:10:03,801
They're coming. Anything else?
224
00:10:03,834 --> 00:10:06,200
Something for persons to drink.
225
00:10:06,234 --> 00:10:07,801
That's a little
bit of a problem.
226
00:10:07,834 --> 00:10:09,801
You see, I used
a discount liquor store.
227
00:10:09,834 --> 00:10:12,367
I don't want anyone
to see the labels.
228
00:10:12,400 --> 00:10:14,200
They're kind
of off-brands.
229
00:10:14,234 --> 00:10:15,133
Like what?
230
00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:18,133
Ever heard of Betty's vodka?
231
00:10:21,334 --> 00:10:23,067
Gentlemen never tell.
232
00:10:23,100 --> 00:10:24,934
Can I make a suggestion?
233
00:10:24,968 --> 00:10:27,300
Why don't you put the stuff
in a punch bowl
234
00:10:27,334 --> 00:10:28,968
and add ginger ale
and juices.
235
00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:30,133
Oh, that's a great idea.
236
00:10:30,167 --> 00:10:31,033
There you go.
237
00:10:31,067 --> 00:10:34,801
You know, I never
even thought about mixing.
238
00:10:34,834 --> 00:10:37,734
Oh... I just hope I got
enough champagne.
239
00:10:37,767 --> 00:10:39,734
How much did you get?
240
00:10:39,767 --> 00:10:41,501
12 Cans.
241
00:10:41,534 --> 00:10:44,167
Canned champagne?
242
00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,033
I guess for those macho gourmets
243
00:10:46,067 --> 00:10:49,067
who like to crush
something after a sip.
244
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:50,400
( doorbell ringing )
245
00:10:50,434 --> 00:10:52,434
Oh, Alex, this is it!
246
00:10:52,467 --> 00:10:55,000
Now, now,
just relax. Relax.
247
00:10:55,033 --> 00:10:57,033
They're just people.
248
00:11:06,367 --> 00:11:09,033
There's always the exception
to the rule.
249
00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:10,701
Party time for Latka?
250
00:11:10,734 --> 00:11:12,868
Not until you
take off those overalls.
251
00:11:12,901 --> 00:11:15,100
Oh, this is good party.
252
00:11:15,133 --> 00:11:16,801
No! No! Latka!
253
00:11:16,834 --> 00:11:20,300
You've got to change
into nicer clothes.
254
00:11:20,334 --> 00:11:22,634
Oh...
255
00:11:22,667 --> 00:11:24,968
( speaking native tongue )
256
00:11:25,033 --> 00:11:26,033
...in truck...
257
00:11:26,067 --> 00:11:27,133
( speaking native tongue )
258
00:11:30,434 --> 00:11:32,467
You think
it's all right
259
00:11:32,501 --> 00:11:34,167
to have him here?
260
00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,734
Are you kidding? He's my pick
for the life of the party.
261
00:11:36,767 --> 00:11:40,701
Oh, Alex, are you sure
everything looks okay?
262
00:11:40,734 --> 00:11:42,634
Elaine, believe me.
The apartment looks wonderful.
263
00:11:42,667 --> 00:11:43,968
Now will you just relax.
264
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,334
Okay. Okay.
265
00:11:45,367 --> 00:11:47,968
Hey, you know, you may not
believe this, but I've really
266
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,734
calmed down a lot
since you got here.
267
00:11:49,767 --> 00:11:51,534
Yeah, I can see that.
268
00:11:51,567 --> 00:11:55,634
Oh, um, but could I just ask you
one more little favor?
269
00:11:55,667 --> 00:11:57,067
Yep.
270
00:11:57,100 --> 00:11:58,767
If you tell these people
that you're a cab driver
271
00:11:58,801 --> 00:12:02,234
they'll ask how you know me,
and you'll give everything away.
272
00:12:02,267 --> 00:12:06,434
Elaine, is that the real reason
you got me over here early? Huh?
273
00:12:06,467 --> 00:12:07,901
Oh, come on.
How could you do that?
274
00:12:07,934 --> 00:12:09,367
How could you do
a thing like that?
275
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,100
Come on, Alex.
This is a cocktail party.
276
00:12:11,133 --> 00:12:12,801
Oh, for crying out loud.
277
00:12:12,834 --> 00:12:14,100
Why do you have to come on
278
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:16,167
so super-ethical anyway?
279
00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:18,200
I am not ethical,
Elaine.
280
00:12:18,234 --> 00:12:19,400
I am... chicken.
281
00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:20,834
I don't lie for
the simple reason
282
00:12:20,868 --> 00:12:22,133
I am afraid
of getting caught.
283
00:12:22,167 --> 00:12:23,601
There's nothing
more embarrassing
284
00:12:23,634 --> 00:12:24,868
than getting caught
in a lie.
285
00:12:24,901 --> 00:12:26,434
Besides, if you don't lie
286
00:12:26,467 --> 00:12:29,000
you don't have to try to
remember what you said.
287
00:12:29,033 --> 00:12:30,601
Okay. Okay.
288
00:12:30,634 --> 00:12:33,734
If it happens,
it happens.
289
00:12:33,767 --> 00:12:35,267
All right. All right.
290
00:12:35,300 --> 00:12:37,100
I'm not going to lie
291
00:12:37,133 --> 00:12:40,634
but I won't say anything
if I'm not asked. Okay?
292
00:12:40,667 --> 00:12:42,200
Okay. Thanks.
293
00:12:42,234 --> 00:12:43,434
Mm-hmm.
294
00:12:43,467 --> 00:12:45,501
( doorbell ringing )
295
00:12:53,234 --> 00:12:55,400
Party overalls.
296
00:12:55,434 --> 00:12:56,601
Now you're talking.
297
00:12:56,634 --> 00:12:57,868
Neat.
298
00:12:57,901 --> 00:13:00,067
Latka learn
299
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:02,200
party talk.
300
00:13:02,234 --> 00:13:03,701
Yeah.
301
00:13:03,734 --> 00:13:06,200
"What are you drinking?
302
00:13:06,234 --> 00:13:10,501
"Aren't there a lot
of phonies here?
303
00:13:10,534 --> 00:13:15,033
"Let's go to my place.
304
00:13:15,067 --> 00:13:18,133
Was it good
for you?"
305
00:13:20,868 --> 00:13:22,434
You've been teaching him.
306
00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:25,667
Not me. I was going to ask
for a copy myself.
307
00:13:48,567 --> 00:13:49,734
Looks like your
party's a hit, Elaine.
308
00:13:49,767 --> 00:13:51,400
Yeah, so far, so good.
309
00:13:51,434 --> 00:13:53,601
I'm a little worried
about the guys.
310
00:13:53,634 --> 00:13:55,601
They don't seem
to be mingling.
311
00:13:55,634 --> 00:13:57,534
Yeah, only
with each other.
312
00:13:57,567 --> 00:14:00,334
Hey, it's your turn, Tony.
How did your parents meet?
313
00:14:00,367 --> 00:14:01,434
It was in Italy...
314
00:14:01,467 --> 00:14:03,000
Come on, you guys.
315
00:14:03,033 --> 00:14:05,334
I want you to meet
some people.
316
00:14:05,367 --> 00:14:07,133
That's okay,
we already have.
317
00:14:07,167 --> 00:14:10,133
Yeah, I think we're
just going to shove off.
318
00:14:10,167 --> 00:14:11,367
Ah, why?
319
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,767
Because, we don't fit in.
320
00:14:12,801 --> 00:14:14,367
We're the kind of guys who
like to have fun.
321
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:15,968
Thanks a lot, Elaine.
322
00:14:16,000 --> 00:14:17,167
Bye-bye.
323
00:14:17,200 --> 00:14:18,567
Take it easy, Alex.
324
00:14:18,601 --> 00:14:19,767
Great punch.
325
00:14:19,801 --> 00:14:21,000
Bye.
326
00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:26,400
Stop envying them.
327
00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:30,734
Mrs. Hazeltine?
328
00:14:30,767 --> 00:14:32,367
Oh. Thank you, Elaine.
329
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:33,567
These are delicious.
330
00:14:33,601 --> 00:14:35,033
Thank you.
331
00:14:35,067 --> 00:14:36,567
I love your paintings.
332
00:14:36,601 --> 00:14:37,634
Really?
333
00:14:37,667 --> 00:14:39,501
But I don't
recognize the artist.
334
00:14:39,534 --> 00:14:42,234
As a matter of fact,
I live with the artist.
335
00:14:42,267 --> 00:14:43,300
You what?
336
00:14:43,334 --> 00:14:44,300
It's my daughter.
337
00:14:44,334 --> 00:14:45,334
Oh.
338
00:14:45,367 --> 00:14:46,534
Except the one
339
00:14:46,567 --> 00:14:47,934
of the bunny rabbit.
340
00:14:47,968 --> 00:14:50,133
That was done
by my ex-husband.
341
00:14:50,167 --> 00:14:52,934
We've been talking
about the new exhibit
342
00:14:52,968 --> 00:14:54,934
at the Museum of Modern Art.
343
00:14:54,968 --> 00:14:56,367
Have you seen it?
344
00:14:56,400 --> 00:14:57,834
Oh, yes, I have. Twice.
345
00:14:57,868 --> 00:14:59,701
Did you like
the Magritte drawings?
346
00:14:59,734 --> 00:15:00,767
Oh. Um...
347
00:15:00,801 --> 00:15:02,868
would you excuse me
for a moment?
348
00:15:02,901 --> 00:15:05,067
There's something I've
got to take care of.
349
00:15:05,100 --> 00:15:06,367
All right.
350
00:15:07,701 --> 00:15:10,534
Alex... one of the biggest art
dealers in New York
351
00:15:10,567 --> 00:15:12,667
just asked my opinion
of an exhibit.
352
00:15:12,701 --> 00:15:13,801
Oh, terrific.
353
00:15:13,834 --> 00:15:14,834
Give it.
354
00:15:14,868 --> 00:15:15,801
Oh.
355
00:15:15,834 --> 00:15:17,400
Thank you very much.
356
00:15:17,434 --> 00:15:18,834
Going to go now.
357
00:15:18,868 --> 00:15:21,367
Well, I'm glad
you could come, Latka.
358
00:15:21,400 --> 00:15:22,567
Bye-bye.
359
00:15:22,601 --> 00:15:23,767
Bye.
360
00:15:23,801 --> 00:15:27,167
Eh, aren't there
a lot of phonies here?
361
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:28,601
Let's go to my place.
362
00:15:31,400 --> 00:15:33,400
For you.
363
00:15:35,734 --> 00:15:38,067
Come on. Come on.
364
00:15:43,000 --> 00:15:46,300
It must be the way he says it.
365
00:15:47,334 --> 00:15:49,367
Boy, this champagne
is terrific, huh?
366
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,033
I wonder what kind it is.
367
00:15:52,634 --> 00:15:55,234
Del Monte.
368
00:15:55,267 --> 00:15:57,234
My name is Paul.
369
00:15:57,267 --> 00:15:59,067
I write for Art News.
370
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:01,200
Oh, I'm Alex.
371
00:16:01,234 --> 00:16:02,601
What do you do, Alex?
372
00:16:02,634 --> 00:16:05,467
Oh, this and that.
373
00:16:05,501 --> 00:16:06,868
Sounds interesting.
374
00:16:06,901 --> 00:16:09,000
This and that what?
375
00:16:09,033 --> 00:16:10,667
I, uh...
376
00:16:10,701 --> 00:16:12,801
sort of free-lance.
377
00:16:12,834 --> 00:16:15,300
Oh, you're a free-lance painter.
378
00:16:15,334 --> 00:16:16,501
No.
379
00:16:16,534 --> 00:16:17,701
Alex.
380
00:16:17,734 --> 00:16:21,000
Okay, Elaine, you win.
381
00:16:21,033 --> 00:16:23,200
I put out oil fires.
382
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:26,100
I beg your pardon?
383
00:16:26,133 --> 00:16:28,100
When an oil well
catches on fire
384
00:16:28,133 --> 00:16:29,300
they call me in to put it out.
385
00:16:29,334 --> 00:16:30,501
Sounds dangerous.
386
00:16:30,534 --> 00:16:32,901
Yeah, well, I only get
the easy ones.
387
00:16:32,934 --> 00:16:35,767
You see, the main thing that got
me into this line of work...
388
00:16:35,801 --> 00:16:38,501
Oh, I'm sorry.
Just reflex.
389
00:16:38,534 --> 00:16:40,634
You see, uh...
390
00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,033
Actually, the thing that
pulled me
391
00:16:42,067 --> 00:16:44,868
into being
an oil-fire putter-outer
392
00:16:44,901 --> 00:16:46,868
is that it never gets boring.
393
00:16:46,901 --> 00:16:49,267
Nope. All holocausts
may look alike
394
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:52,467
but each one has
a personality all its own.
395
00:16:52,501 --> 00:16:55,901
If you'll excuse me, I'd like to
freshen my drink for a moment,
396
00:16:55,934 --> 00:16:57,133
I'll be right back.
397
00:16:59,434 --> 00:17:00,534
Thanks, Alex.
398
00:17:00,567 --> 00:17:02,667
I know that wasn't
easy for you.
399
00:17:02,701 --> 00:17:04,400
Easier than I thought.
400
00:17:04,434 --> 00:17:06,801
It's just your luck for
this party I watched
401
00:17:06,834 --> 00:17:08,033
Search for Adventure.
402
00:17:08,067 --> 00:17:10,968
I've never been the life of a
party before like this.
403
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,434
I sort of like fudging.
404
00:17:14,033 --> 00:17:15,534
Do you really fight fires?
405
00:17:15,567 --> 00:17:16,734
Oh, yes, yes.
406
00:17:16,767 --> 00:17:17,968
Yes, yes.
407
00:17:18,901 --> 00:17:22,567
What is the biggest
fire you ever put out?
408
00:17:22,601 --> 00:17:26,701
Well, actually, I had
12 wells go up at one time.
409
00:17:26,734 --> 00:17:29,000
I'm Rita.
410
00:17:29,033 --> 00:17:30,567
I'm Alex.
411
00:17:32,467 --> 00:17:35,400
Aren't there a lot
of phonies here?
412
00:17:41,434 --> 00:17:42,601
I know.
413
00:17:42,634 --> 00:17:45,534
Do you mind if I say
something candid?
414
00:17:45,567 --> 00:17:47,934
If it's about the champagne,
I had nothing to do with it.
415
00:17:47,968 --> 00:17:50,234
I find you very attractive.
416
00:17:50,267 --> 00:17:52,267
I appreciate your candor.
417
00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:55,167
I don't usually say
things like that to guys.
418
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,667
I hope you don't mind.
419
00:17:56,701 --> 00:17:58,868
Well, I'll forgive you
if you'll forgive
420
00:17:58,901 --> 00:18:01,634
the cheer I'm about
to deafen you with.
421
00:18:03,667 --> 00:18:06,267
Have dinner with me
after the party.
422
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:07,767
At least.
423
00:18:07,801 --> 00:18:09,767
A brief dinner.
424
00:18:09,801 --> 00:18:12,033
( doorbell ringing )
425
00:18:22,934 --> 00:18:24,901
Alex...
that guy is the same guy
426
00:18:24,934 --> 00:18:26,501
I had the fight with in front of
the gallery the other night.
427
00:18:26,534 --> 00:18:27,767
Really? That's nice.
428
00:18:27,801 --> 00:18:28,934
In my cab.
429
00:18:28,968 --> 00:18:31,133
Elaine, please.
430
00:18:31,167 --> 00:18:34,334
He must be a friend
of Mrs. Hazeltine's.
431
00:18:34,367 --> 00:18:36,000
Oh, no. No.
432
00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:37,734
Elaine, I'd like you
433
00:18:37,767 --> 00:18:40,567
to meet my very dear friend,
James Broderick.
434
00:18:40,601 --> 00:18:42,133
How do you do?
435
00:18:42,167 --> 00:18:43,934
We've met.
436
00:18:43,968 --> 00:18:44,667
We have?
437
00:18:44,701 --> 00:18:46,067
Haven't we?
438
00:18:46,100 --> 00:18:48,067
I'm sorry, I
don't place you.
439
00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:49,367
Oh.
440
00:18:49,400 --> 00:18:50,667
My mistake.
441
00:18:50,701 --> 00:18:51,934
Well, I'm so glad
that you've come.
442
00:18:51,968 --> 00:18:55,000
Would you help yourself
to some refreshments?
443
00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:56,234
Thank you.
444
00:18:57,968 --> 00:18:59,434
He didn't recognize me.
445
00:18:59,467 --> 00:19:00,701
That's terrific.
446
00:19:00,734 --> 00:19:02,501
He looked right
into my face
447
00:19:02,534 --> 00:19:04,100
and there was
no sign of recognition.
448
00:19:04,133 --> 00:19:05,501
He didn't know me.
He didn't know me?
449
00:19:05,534 --> 00:19:07,734
Elaine, what
are you doing?
450
00:19:07,767 --> 00:19:09,100
I'll never
forget him. Never.
451
00:19:09,133 --> 00:19:10,601
I mean, we really had a fight.
452
00:19:10,634 --> 00:19:12,934
I can't believe
he looked through me like that.
453
00:19:12,968 --> 00:19:15,334
I was nothing to him,
just a faceless cab driver.
454
00:19:15,367 --> 00:19:16,467
Elaine, please.
455
00:19:16,501 --> 00:19:17,667
He needs a reminder.
456
00:19:17,701 --> 00:19:19,334
Elaine, now, a lot of people
aren't happy
457
00:19:19,367 --> 00:19:21,133
unless they screw things up
that are really going well.
458
00:19:21,167 --> 00:19:22,868
Now, this is a very nice party.
459
00:19:22,901 --> 00:19:25,267
I mean, these people are
very important to you.
460
00:19:25,300 --> 00:19:27,334
I'm even trying to enjoy myself.
461
00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:30,634
Elaine, why don't you
just forget it, hmm?
462
00:19:30,667 --> 00:19:33,033
Elaine. Take a deep breath.
463
00:19:34,901 --> 00:19:36,100
Take a deeper one.
464
00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:39,334
That's my girl.
465
00:19:39,367 --> 00:19:40,534
Thanks.
466
00:19:40,567 --> 00:19:43,834
So you don't
remember me, huh?!
467
00:19:46,200 --> 00:19:47,367
Sure, I do.
468
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:49,534
I just met you
30 seconds ago.
469
00:19:49,567 --> 00:19:52,367
I picked you up in my taxi
470
00:19:52,400 --> 00:19:54,534
four nights ago
on Madison Avenue.
471
00:19:54,567 --> 00:19:56,567
She's a taxi driver.
472
00:20:03,534 --> 00:20:05,501
And you accused me
of trying
473
00:20:05,534 --> 00:20:07,234
to cheat you on a fare.
474
00:20:07,267 --> 00:20:08,334
That was you?
475
00:20:08,367 --> 00:20:09,567
That was me.
476
00:20:09,601 --> 00:20:12,834
How can you yell into a face
for 15 minutes
477
00:20:12,868 --> 00:20:14,734
and then forget the face you
yelled into?
478
00:20:14,767 --> 00:20:16,367
Do you really mean it?
479
00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:17,968
You're a cab driver?
480
00:20:18,033 --> 00:20:19,200
Yes, I am.
481
00:20:19,234 --> 00:20:21,567
I was right.
482
00:20:21,601 --> 00:20:24,868
I find that rather
hard to believe.
483
00:20:24,901 --> 00:20:26,501
Well, I am.
484
00:20:26,534 --> 00:20:28,234
Alex and I are
both cab drivers.
485
00:20:33,100 --> 00:20:35,934
What do you do
for a living?
486
00:20:35,968 --> 00:20:37,200
Excuse me.
487
00:20:43,100 --> 00:20:44,267
Alex?
488
00:20:44,300 --> 00:20:46,200
Don't talk
to me, Elaine.
489
00:20:46,234 --> 00:20:49,534
You're going to stay here
till we're friends again.
490
00:20:49,567 --> 00:20:52,601
Then we'll both
grow old together.
491
00:20:52,634 --> 00:20:54,801
Well, if it means
anything to you
492
00:20:54,834 --> 00:20:55,834
I just want you to know
493
00:20:55,868 --> 00:20:57,601
that I will always be grateful
that you taught me
494
00:20:57,634 --> 00:20:59,868
to simply tell the truth.
Elaine.
495
00:20:59,901 --> 00:21:02,267
I only wish the truth
worked for you too.
496
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:05,734
I'm not going
to talk to you about it.
497
00:21:05,767 --> 00:21:07,868
At least yell at me.
498
00:21:07,901 --> 00:21:09,834
That will make
you feel better.
499
00:21:11,267 --> 00:21:13,801
You're not going
to talk about it.
500
00:21:13,834 --> 00:21:16,200
Nope. I'm just
going to sit here
501
00:21:16,234 --> 00:21:17,934
and drink your champagne.
502
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,067
What I don't
understand is--
503
00:21:26,100 --> 00:21:28,167
what's the big deal
about it?
504
00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:29,667
I'll tell you what's the big
deal about it.
505
00:21:29,701 --> 00:21:33,100
A man waits all his life
for a woman like that.
506
00:21:33,133 --> 00:21:35,000
What's so great about her?
507
00:21:35,033 --> 00:21:36,801
What's so great about her?
508
00:21:36,834 --> 00:21:40,734
She's the kind of woman
only firefighters get.
509
00:21:40,767 --> 00:21:42,734
She just walks up to you
510
00:21:42,767 --> 00:21:45,934
looks you straight
in the eye and says--
511
00:21:45,968 --> 00:21:48,334
"Do you mind
if I say something candid?
512
00:21:48,367 --> 00:21:49,934
"I find you
very attractive.
513
00:21:49,968 --> 00:21:52,334
"I don't usually
say things like that.
514
00:21:52,367 --> 00:21:55,267
I hope you don't mind."
515
00:21:55,300 --> 00:21:57,667
It sounded better
when she said it.
516
00:21:57,701 --> 00:21:59,701
It sounded like
once in a lifetime
517
00:21:59,734 --> 00:22:01,100
when she said it.
518
00:22:01,133 --> 00:22:04,267
It sounded terrible
when she stopped saying it.
519
00:22:04,300 --> 00:22:05,534
You know, I have a feeling
520
00:22:05,567 --> 00:22:07,534
you're gonna hear
from her again.
521
00:22:07,567 --> 00:22:11,267
Yeah, I could sort of tell
from the way she acted
towards the end.
522
00:22:11,300 --> 00:22:15,133
She called me garbage.
523
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:16,367
There you go.
524
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:19,434
Hey, you know how women
feel about garbage.
525
00:22:19,467 --> 00:22:20,834
Always wondering if what
526
00:22:20,868 --> 00:22:22,834
you've thrown out was important
527
00:22:22,868 --> 00:22:24,767
so you start digging through it
until you find it again.
528
00:22:24,801 --> 00:22:27,167
Elaine, don't try to make me
feel better, okay?
529
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,267
Let's just go back
to my sitting here
530
00:22:29,300 --> 00:22:31,534
and you looking at me...
feeling awful.
531
00:22:33,667 --> 00:22:38,901
She spit on my shoes.
532
00:22:38,934 --> 00:22:40,834
What I really feel bad about
533
00:22:40,868 --> 00:22:43,901
is how great everything
turned out for me...
534
00:22:43,934 --> 00:22:46,968
people admiring the way
I hold down two jobs
535
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:48,367
to support my family.
536
00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:50,834
They're saying how great I am,
you know
537
00:22:50,868 --> 00:22:53,701
and how terrific
and open and honest I am
538
00:22:53,734 --> 00:22:55,767
for telling people
I'm a cab driver.
539
00:22:55,801 --> 00:22:58,834
Even that fare turned out
to be a great guy
540
00:22:58,868 --> 00:23:00,400
forcing that tip on me?
541
00:23:00,434 --> 00:23:03,033
This is going
to pay for the party.
542
00:23:03,067 --> 00:23:04,968
I'm leaving.
543
00:23:05,033 --> 00:23:06,400
Alex, please forgive me.
544
00:23:06,434 --> 00:23:10,701
I can't believe
you won't forgive me.
545
00:23:10,734 --> 00:23:12,734
I'll die if you don't
forgive me.
546
00:23:15,100 --> 00:23:16,267
Oh, Alex.
547
00:23:16,300 --> 00:23:18,300
You're maybe my best friend.
548
00:23:25,234 --> 00:23:26,234
I forgive you.
549
00:23:33,767 --> 00:23:34,934
You mean it?
550
00:23:34,968 --> 00:23:36,868
I don't know with
those wild stories
551
00:23:36,901 --> 00:23:38,868
you're telling,
you know?
552
00:23:38,901 --> 00:23:40,100
Yes, I mean it.
553
00:23:40,133 --> 00:23:42,501
From now on, I'm going
to have to go back
554
00:23:42,534 --> 00:23:44,734
to telling the truth,
only the truth.
555
00:23:46,601 --> 00:23:49,567
Thank you for inviting me
to your party, Elaine.
556
00:23:49,601 --> 00:23:50,801
I had a wonderful time.
557
00:24:00,634 --> 00:24:03,567
( theme music playing )
558
00:24:27,667 --> 00:24:29,434
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
559
00:24:29,467 --> 00:24:30,567
( grunts )
38584
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