Original subtitles

♪ What would you do if I sang out of tune? ♪

♪ Would you stand up and walk out on me? ♪

♪ Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song ♪

♪ I will try not to sing out of key, yeah ♪

♪ Oh, baby, I get by ♪ ♪ By with a little help from my friends ♪

♪ All I need is my buddies ♪

♪ High with a little help from my friends ♪

♪ I'm sayin' I'm gonna get higher ♪ -♪ Try with a little help from my friends ♪

- ♪ Whoa-oa-oa-oa, yeah ♪ - ♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

[ Intro to Maurice chevalier's "thank heaven for little girls" plays ]

From the moment a father first lays eyes on his daughter,

she's forever daddy's little girl...

♪ Thank heaven ♪

♪ For little girls ♪

And he's forever her hero...

♪ For little girls get bigger every day ♪

A giver of gifts...

♪ Thank heaven ♪

♪ For little girls ♪

A granter of wishes...

♪ They grow up in the most delightful way ♪

A knight in shining armor.

♪ Those little eyes so helpless and appealing ♪

♪ One day will flash ♪

♪ And send you crashing through the ceiling ♪

And in return, she gives to him that love and respect

which is special between dads and their girls.

I can't stand living in this house.

Well, where the hell were you last night?

Look, will you stop giving me the third degree?

Of course, for my sister and my father,

that special love and respect took the form of...

I waited up half the night.

Well, you don't have to wait up for me.

Guerrilla warfare.

I left the damn porch light on until all hours.

Do you have any idea how much that costs?

Sorry. Take it out of my allowance.

But the week of my sister's birthday,

they brought out the heavy artillery.

Your curfew is 11:00. You want to be grounded?

I don't believe this! I'm 18!

Not until Sunday, you're not!

During that week, mom was sort of like the U.N.,

trying to mediate the warring factions...

Boysenberry syrup?

And failing miserably.

Why is he always on my case?

Well, uh...

Why can't she ever listen?

Me? I was kind of like...

Uh...

Switzerland.

Can't we just eat our breakfast in peace?

[ Horn honking ]

Now where are you going?

To school.

As for Wayne and myself,

we'd learned to keep a low profile

during these skirmishes...

Kevin, Wayne...

Clean up the dishes, take out the garbage.

Because you never knew

when you might get hit by a stray bullet.

And, Kevin, I want those leaves raked and bagged tomorrow.

Your turn to wash, butthead.

The fact was whenever dad had an axe to grind with Karen,

he ended up grinding it on us.

Kevin, you might want to leave some of that pencil.

Oh. Sorry.

Not that I was gonna let family problems interfere

with my social life.

Kevin, is something wrong?

Winnie, I can't go to the movies with you tomorrow afternoon.

Oh.

My dad's making me work in the yard,

'cause he's mad at Karen again.

Oh. [ Bell rings ]

Well, that's too bad.

You bet it was.

Anyone with half a brain would agree that...

your dad's been pretty hard on Karen.

Chicks always stick together.

Winnie, isn't that a little unfair?

Karen stays out all night, and I end up raking the leaves.

Yeah, it is unfair.

Karen's too old to have a curfew.

No, she's not. She's only 18.

18's an adult.

Fine, throw the law in my face.

She'll be in college next year.

So, what's that mean,

that she doesn't have to listen to my father anymore?

Well, does he ever listen to her?

Yeah, of course.

[ Scoffs ]

I'm not listening to this.

No grades? No exams?

Daddy, it's a very good school.

What the hell kind of college is that?

But it wasn't that dad didn't listen.

He listened.

He just didn't like what he heard.

Will you please tell him

that this isn't the stone age anymore.

What's that supposed to mean?

The thing is, I was beginning to see a pattern.

Whenever Karen said one thing...

Well, this is where I'm going.

Dad said the other...

Not while I'm paying for it.

And vice versa.

Fine. Then I won't go to college.

Oh, you're going, all right. And I'm sending you.

State has a lovely campus.

[ Clears throat ]

Excuse me.

Armed with my newfound observations

about the nature of interpersonal communication,

it was time to come to the rescue.

It seems to me that you two should...

Kevin, stay out of this.

Okay. Glad I could be of help.

Wait a minute.

At least as a visual aid.

Your brother's going to college,

your other brother's going to college,

and you're going to college.

Thanks.

Hey, I didn't...

well, maybe I'll travel...

see the world, go to the college of life.

[ Scoffs ] What do you know about life?

I know plenty about life.

I'll go to Europe.

And who's gonna pay for that?

In a way, you almost had the feeling

they didn't want to be rescued.

You are so narrow-minded.

Watch yourself, young lady.

The funny thing is, the closer it got to Karen's birthday...

I'm the one who's gonna go to this school.

The worse it got... for all of us.

Think it's safe to go out?

I wouldn't... unless you want to clean out the downspouts.

Sound reasoning.

It seemed like every time

dad and Karen passed each other in the hall,

it meant... [ Knocking on door ]

Boys?

More slave labor.

Dad, I raked the leaves.

I straightened out the garage.

I walked the dog!

Oh.

There. We'd stumped him.

Not a chore left un-chored.

In that case, come on.

Uh-oh. This did not bode well.

If dad couldn't make us work,

he was gonna make us play.

Okay, let's hit a few.

Golf... talk about punishment.

Now we were gonna find out just how bad the argument had been.

Yep, must have been a doozie.

Your turn, Kev.

Let's see your stance.

Ah, not... not like that.

Still, maybe this wasn't all bad.

You got to turn your grip over...

Maybe hanging out with the guys,

imparting secret grips

was just the thing to bring dad's blood pressure down.

Got it?

I think so.

Hey! There you go!

I guess it was easier

for dad to communicate with the Arnold men

because we were, well... Men.

[ Grunts ]

Uh-huh, nothin' like whackin' around the old pro-flite

to forge new and lasting bonds.

Maybe we ought to get you guys a starter set.

Oh, no, thanks.

Shut up!

A small price to pay for a little good cheer.

Matter of fact, maybe we'll come again.

Maybe bring your mom, maybe your sis.

[ Giggles ]

Karen? Space girl playing golf?

Hey. Leave your sister alone.

She's not so bad. She means well.

Well, well. "Not so bad"? "Means well"?

Why couldn't he tell her that?

Come on. Let's hit another bucket.

Still, it was too bad Karen wasn't Arnold Palmer.

Pass me the popcorn, huh?

Sure, dad.

Because I hadn't seen dad this calm in over a week.

I like this show.

Me too.

- Me too. - Ah.

Yep, this was just like old times.

So, mom, we gonna have a birthday cake for Karen?

A cake? [ Scoffs ] I don't want a cake.

Sure you do.

No, really, I don't.

I-I don't want a party, either.

Well, honey, it's not exactly...

what are you talking about?

Sure you do. You like parties.

No, really, dad, I don't.

Fine. Then we won't have a party.

Good.

We'll just give you your presents.

I don't want presents, either,

so nobody get me a present, okay?

Golf, anyone?

You're gonna get presents.

Well, I'm not gonna take them!

[ Horn honks ] Whoops. Homework calls.

I'm going out.

In that?

[ Sighs exasperatedly ]

My clothes are wrong?

My friends are wrong?

Okay, we were one step shy of Armageddon.

This called for a voice of reason,

a note of conciliation.

Will you guys knock it off? I'm trying to watch TV!

I'm out of here.

Honey?

And you don't have to bother to leave the light on.

I'll manage just fine.

[ Door closes ]

Tomorrow...

mow the lawn.

Gotcha.

Gotcha.

[ Door slams ]

[ Door slams ]

I guess you could say

my sister's 18th birthday started off with a bang.

[ Door slams ]

Still, there was a bright side

to the war between dad and Karen.

It had brought my brother and me...

What are you looking at?

Closer together.

Nothing.

Well, look somewhere else.

Hey, this is a free country.

Get lost, will you, scrote?

I can't get lost!

- Butthead! - Dork!

We were kind of like rats in a laboratory experiment.

And the worst thing was...

there was no way out.

Oh!

On the other hand...

Maybe it was time to deal with this thing.

[ Sighs ]

Oh! - Anything was better

than spending the morning with Wayne and miss may.

[ Sighs ] Dad?

Hmm?

Besides, you could kind of see he wanted to talk.

Dad, is there anything I can do?

I mean, I know you and Karen have been...

Well...

I mean, I've just been thinking that...

I-if you ever wanted someone to talk to...

I just want you to know that...

[ Sighs ]

I'm here.

It was a bold move.

But I knew it was the right one.

Heck, you could almost see his eyes welling up with gratitude.

Kev?

Yeah, dad?

Is there any more dip in the refrigerator?

I'll see.

And grab the chips while you're at it, okay?

Which, in culinary terms, meant,

"none of your damn business," I guess.

Well, I'm out of here.

Wait a minute.

Where are you going?

I don't know.

What does that mean?

It means what it means. I'm going out.

You're gonna be home for dinner. We're expecting you.

Your mother's making a cake.

Well, I already told her not to.

[ Door closes ]

[ Sighs ]

And suddenly, dad was downright talkative.

Get your brother.

Aw, geez.

This was bad.

You could see dad had something in mind

even worse than working,

even worse than golf.

We're going shopping.

[ Sighs ]

Okay, split up.

Find a gift for your sister,

and we'll meet back here in 15 minutes.

Sure... 15 minutes sounded like an adequate amount of time

for thoughtful purchase.

I don't get it.

Karen said she didn't want any presents.

She doesn't know what she wants.

- But... - Here's 20 bucks.

Roger. [ Chuckles ]

So, what are we gonna get her?

[ Man speaking indistinctly over P.A. ]

Bug spray.

[ Laughs ]

Well, I was on my own here.

The only problem was I had no idea where to start.

[ Xylophone tinkling ]

It seemed like the old standbys just weren't right this year.

[ Gun rattling ]

Something told me she wasn't quite ready

for the royal walnut, solid-veneer dinette set.

[ Man speaking indistinctly over P.A. ]

I needed something special...

something for someone turning 18...

whatever that meant.

With two shopping minutes left, I was beginning to lose hope.

I guess dad was, too.

[ Bell dings ]

[ Cash register rings ]

What's that?

None of your business.

Come on, I'm just asking.

Well...

it was kind of expensive, but...

Great. Put my name on it, too.

[ Bell dings ]

So, dad, what'd you get her?

Hmm?

Nothing.

Oh.

Nothing?

Nope.

Well, we have plenty of things to give her,

so don't worry.

I'm not.

But I was.

Dad always bought Karen a present...

every year without fail.

There's trash in the kitchen. Take it out.

Wayne!

And suddenly I began to realize

this was more serious than I'd thought.

What's that?

What's it look like?

Is that 'cause of me?

[ Sighs ] Kind of.

Figures.

It was the longest conversation we'd had in...

Oh, about a year.

So...

You coming to your party?

I don't know yet.

Well, I mean, mom's baked a cake.

Who cares about a stupid cake?

Okay, so much for helpful advice.

I knew when to keep my mouth shut.

Look, Karen...

you and dad really have to have a talk.

You know that.

I don't think so.

No, really!

You're always mad at him.

I mean, do you have to be so hard on him?

Sorry.

[ Sighs ]

I think you ought to come to the party.

Why?

Was this chick dense or what?

Come on, Karen.

Can't you just give in this once?

And the funny thing is,

right up until the moment I said it...

I mean, it's not like you're gonna be here next year.

I guess I'd never really believed it.

Maybe Karen didn't either.

Well, thanks for the insight.

And suddenly she looked so...

Lost.

Karen?

I knew she needed answers...

about the future...

About her life.

Unfortunately, I didn't have the answers...

or even the questions.

That night, dinner lasted about 61/2 months.

Can I get anybody some more potatoes?

- No, thanks. - Sure.

While mom tried to fill the empty space

with vegetables and starch,

the rest of us waited...

[ Party favor honks ]

For the inevitable explosion.

[ Door closes ]

I'm back.

But I can't stay.

Not even for cake and ice cream, honey?

Mom, I told you, I don't want a cake.

- [ Clears throat ] - It's too late.

I'm lighting the candles right now.

Kevin, honey, get the lights.

Well, the stage was set.

Bring on the fireworks.

Okay, here it comes. Everybody sing.

♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪

Everybody.

♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy Birthday, dear Karen ♪

♪ Happy Birthday to you ♪

There it was... 18 years of hopes and memories

poured into 80 ounces of egg whites and sugar and wax.

It was enough to melt anybody's heart...

except maybe my sister's.

[ Horn honks ]

There's my ride. I've got to go.

And I guess that was the straw that broke the camel's back.

Not so fast. You're staying here.

No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

I'm leaving, daddy.

And even though I'd been hearing those words for weeks,

suddenly I was hearing something new.

Or maybe it was as old as children

and parents and families.

You're not going until you open this.

[ Clears throat ]

What is it?

Open it.

It's my kit bag.

From the corps.

Uh, I was gonna get you a...

You know, new one.

But I thought you'd like this better.

It's, uh, for college.

Or if you go someplace.

Either way, you got to have something

to put your clothes in, and, uh...

this one got me through a lot of rough times.

I love it.

These too?

Uh...

Those are mine.

Thanks, dad.

[ Horn honks ]

I've got to go.

Then go.

[ Intro to Sandy Denny's "who knows where the time goes?" Plays ]

[ Blows ]

♪ Across the morning sky ♪

Hey.

♪ All the birds are leaving ♪

Did you make a wish?

Yeah.

♪ Ah, how can they know ♪

♪ It's time for them to go? ♪

That night of my sister's 18th birthday,

a lot of things happened...

- ♪ Before the winter fire ♪ - ...Maybe more than she knew,

because that night,

when my father let Karen go out... ♪ I will still be dreaming ♪

He let Karen go.

♪ I do not count the time ♪

And maybe that's how it had to be.

Children leave.

And parents stay behind.

♪ Who knows where the time goes? ♪-Still, some things are deeper than time and distance.

And your father will always be your father.

♪ Who knows where the time goes? ♪

And he will always leave a light on for you.