Original subtitles

Still pretty weird.

Guy calls you in the middle of the night and says,

come to my factory.

Do you know this man?

Yes.

You do.

We've buried him.

We didn't break.

Or enter.

My horoscope said to expect.

What to?

I expected visitors today.

Dear G, you are not doubting me, are you?

I'm just trying to sink us a police would.

What's the name of the book you're working on now?

Oh dear, you don't think I was hallucinating.

You're right.

I don't want to hear.

I don't want to hear.

I don't want to hear.

Creighton.

Will you be wanting the car tonight ladies?

At this hour, it is after midnight.

Never stopped us before.

Oh, you can put the car away.

We're going to bed.

Night, Barney.

Good night.

Good night, ladies.

Oh, are your legs, dear?

Oh, pretty good, considering.

It's been years since we I scated.

Yes?

Yes, this you she.

Franklin, it's Franklin Birdwell.

Yes.

Why, yes, Franklin.

I'd be very interested.

But this hardly seems the hour for that particular type

of interest.

Where?

Are you there now?

Let me ask G. Yes.

We'll be there, Franklin.

Where will we be?

The Birdwell Toy Factory.

Still pretty weird.

Guy calls you in the middle of the night,

and says, come to my factory.

What's he after?

He wants to make a doll based on a character

from some of my book's.

Inspector Hook Stratton.

Hook Stratton, though.

You don't see Inspector Hook Stratton in plastic for $5.95,

Barney?

What I see is a guy giving you a line,

trying to lure you to his factory.

Oh, for what, Barney?

But you know, Barney, you ladies are kind of cute.

And how old is this guy anyway?

In his 70s.

I think his interest in women has gone beyond the statute

of limitations.

Boy, this place deserted.

You might as stay in here.

Oh, my God.

Well, Birdwell must have left.

Let's go home.

Hold it, ladies.

What do you think you're going?

Into the Toy Factory.

It's locked.

Well, let's go home.

Oh, Barney, a man's life is in danger.

You must find a way to get us in there.

OK.

Wait there, ladies.

I'll let you in.

Did Franklin tell you his life was in jeopardy?

No.

But you just told Barney a man's life was in danger.

I was speaking philosophically.

I was referring to man's eternal danger.

Oh, it's dark.

Careful, ladies.

I'll be careful.

Watch it now.

Go slow.

Yes, dear.

I'm going to pause.

It takes a moment to adjust to darkness.

There.

Can you see now, G?

I'm Barney.

Oh, I think I have a pocket flashlight.

Oh, dear.

Would that help?

Yes.

I need a flashlight to find my flashlight.

Here it is.

Now, I'm afraid it doesn't do much good.

Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness.

Only we had a candle.

Ladies, I think I see not only light but transportation.

The keys are at.

Let there be light.

I'm a boy, ladies.

I get a good hold, cause up you go.

Oh, please.

All right, hold on.

Here we go.

Oh, please.

All right, hold on.

Here we go.

Oh, toys at midnight can be very unfriendly.

Turn right at the wall, Russ.

Wall-rise.

That's Franklin's office up there.

Coming down, ladies.

Let me leave the way.

Watch this.

Here.

Watch this there.

Or you'll do what I just did.

I think maybe we all better hold on each other.

Ready?

Well, here you are.

Thank you, Fred.

See you.

Hello, Steven.

Nice of you to come.

Ladies.

Hope we didn't get you out of bed, Lieutenant.

Okay, Barney.

How do you explain this?

Poorly.

Your job is what?

Well, I'm not sure.

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure.

I'm not sure.

Your job is what?

They can't lay, see they don't get in trouble.

Mm-hmm.

Which means he got to put more men on the job.

It means, Barney, as of three hours ago, you were looking for work.

Steven, don't be harsh with Barney.

It wasn't his fault.

We overpowered him.

He wasn't even an accessory.

Anderson, Angie.

You're charged with breaking and entering.

That's a very serious offense.

We didn't break.

Or enter.

The window was open.

We were invited into the factory.

By whom?

By Franklin Birdwell himself.

All right.

All right.

You're going to have to do a lot better than that.

It's the truth, Steven.

Is it?

Why do you doubt it?

Because Franklin Birdwell is dead.

Franklin.

Dead?

It doesn't make sense.

Where would he call from?

Heaven or?

What would that area code be?

Are you sure it was Franklin?

Well, you know it was he as well as I do.

No, I don't.

Did you recognize his voice?

You heard him on the phone.

No, I didn't.

You were the only one who talked to him.

Did he identify himself?

Dear G, you're not doubting me.

Are you?

I'm just trying to think of the police.

Well, don't do that.

You'll stifle your creative processes.

It was definitely Franklin.

Oh, there was an odd sound in the background.

Kind of sound.

Well, it was, um, organized static.

Ratcheting, a metronome.

Like something with a definite beat.

Yes.

Ah.

Are you up to another lap?

If you are.

Howdy.

Steven.

Oh, come and have breakfast.

No, I can't.

I just came by to give you some good news.

I spoke to Schreibert Danforth.

He's a man that now runs, uh, Birdwell toys.

There will be no charges brought against you.

Oh, that's very kind of him.

Steven, are you absolutely positive that Franklin Birdwell is dead?

Oh, yes.

I checked.

He's been buried for three months.

Well, if he wasn't dead before, he certainly is not.

It makes it so difficult to explain the telephone call.

Anna Nested, either you mistook somebody else's voice for Birdwell or...

She didn't.

We've been over that.

What's the odd, dear?

You might not want to hear it.

Let me be the judge of that.

Okay, well, what's the name of the book you're working on now?

It's, uh, it's, uh, Dead Men's Cell Tales.

Oh, thank you, dear.

Who's the hero?

Inspector Hooke Stratton.

Oh, dear, you don't think I was hallucinating.

You're right.

I don't want to hear.

I know it wasn't fantasy.

I know I spoke to Franklin.

I know he's alive somewhere.

But who do you think is buried in this place?

That I don't know.

But I do know that the call came from the factory.

That was a light in Franklin's office.

Yes.

I know that the call came from the factory.

That was a light in Franklin's office.

Yes.

I'd very much like to see the inside of that office.

I don't think I'll visit it.

Yes.

Oh, it's Franklin Birdville.

Get on the extension.

Hello, Franklin.

Franklin.

Oh.

He hung up hurriedly.

I heard dogs barking.

Well, at least you can establish with Stephen

that I wasn't hallucinating.

But I didn't hear anything.

I hate returning to the scene of the crime.

There was no crime, Barney.

You mean because you've got pull?

I'm sorry. No one's allowed into the factory

unless their name is on the cliff.

You'll have to call and make an appointment.

Pardon me.

Are you two stay here? I'll go get the car.

Mr. Septimus and Mr. Ritter to see Mr. Danforth.

Hello. Hello, Mr. Oh, I'm sorry.

We seem to be having some problem with our phone.

They were supposed to be fixed this morning.

Just through the door and down to your left.

Mr. Septimus and Mr. Ritter?

Yes.

Were their secretaries had they arrived yet?

Oh, they've gone to Mr. Danforth's office.

Oh, my, we're late.

Oh, dear, I hope we don't get sacked.

Oh, dear, I'm sorry.

Mr. Dantler, I'm sorry.

Mr. Dantler, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Just down the hall and to your left.

May I help you, ladies?

Yes, we're looking for Mr. Danforth's office.

He's expecting us.

Oh, well, that's his office right up there.

Just take the stairs to your left.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

But we want the other stairs, dear.

I know.

I'm sorry.

Did you say those stairs?

Yes.

Those stairs.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Ladies, you're headed in the wrong direction.

We're looking for water.

I have a bad attack of the hit-ups.

Oh, there's a drinking fountain right over there.

Oh, my.

No, I'll stay here.

Oh.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Oh.

I'll get it.

Oh, thank you.

They hit-ups are all over.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Where's the other lady?

Oh, she must have gone to the car.

We were double parked.

Goodbye.

And thank you.

I thought you wanted to see Mr. Danforth.

Oh, I'll come back sometime when he can see me.

But you said he was expecting you.

Oh, well, one can't always see everyone one expects to see.

Otherwise, it'd be no time for the unexpected.

Oh, there he is now.

I'll call you tomorrow if our phones are working.

Mr. Danforth.

This lady would like to see you.

Yes.

Yes.

I'm from the telephone company.

The telephone company?

Yes.

Your receptionist said that you were expecting me.

Well, they promised they'd send a repairman.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I'm forgetting women's are you the repairman?

Oh, no.

I'm the maintenance inspector.

I determine what kind of a repairman you need now.

Just what seems to be the trouble with your instruments?

Didn't one of our executives, Ms. Maureen Larson,

call you, give you that information on the phone.

Oh, yes.

But the connection was supposed to be.

We couldn't understand where she said.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

Oh, okay.

Oh.

Oh, okay.

Ooh.

Oh, my God.

Oh.

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry.

All right.

All right.

I'm sorry.

Oh.

I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Look to me.

Oh.

Oh.

I haven't heard of it.

This is true.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Share it?

Yes, with a legend.

Once belonged to Franklin Birdwell, the founder of our company.

I knew him.

No.

No?

No one really knew Franklin.

He was like a father to me, but he still bewildered me

with his erratic behavior.

Now, how can I help you?

I'm an Esther Snoop.

I think I owe you an explanation of what I was doing here

last night at that unusual hour.

You see, I'm a writer.

Yes, I'm very familiar with your books, Miss Snoop.

Oh, thank you.

My latest is called The Pogo Stick Murders.

The killer constantly baffles the police

by never leaving footprints.

Good?

Uh-huh.

I needed some expert advice, so I came to see Franklin.

At midnight.

Franklin keeps, I mean, kept irregular hours.

I didn't know he was dead.

I don't read the obituaries the way most of my friends do.

How did he die?

He had a heart condition.

Now, perhaps I can help you with your book?

My book?

The Pogo Stick Murders.

Oh.

You know, I really think I resolved that problem last night.

I had him Pogo into quick drying cement.

Thank you, Mr. Garber.

Goodbye.

Oh, there's a button here.

Have you found the problem?

There's a trouble that's definitely in the instruments.

Perhaps you're out too many.

I'll just have to get one of our push button experts out here.

Shriver, I need your help.

Wall to Sax in my office again.

Oh, forgive me.

Grace was not her desk.

I didn't know anyone was here.

That's all right.

This is Miss Nicholson, our phone company representative.

How do you do?

I'll come back later.

Oh, please stay.

I'm just going.

I'll have a repairman here within eight hours.

Maybe sooner.

Mr. Danforth, the telephone repairman is here.

In this case, sooner.

What seems to be the trouble, sir?

Ask the inspector.

Inspector?

It's the usual problem.

Oh, yeah, that figures.

Goodbye, all.

Keep smiling.

Keep dialing.

A telephone maintenance inspector.

Well, my options were severely limited.

Well, I'm sure you carried it off with your usual app long.

Come see, come saw.

Oh.

Did you find anything of interest in Franklin's office?

A toy drummer.

The beat created the same sound as I'd heard on the telephone.

That means that Franklin was in his office when he called.

Yes?

Ready to go, ladies?

Yes.

Now you might want to wait.

Wall to Sax is in the factory.

What's a wall to Sax?

Isaac wall to Sax is a toy inventor.

He once was a partner of Franklin's.

Did you see him?

No, but I heard his name mentioned.

Now, there couldn't be more than one wall to Sax.

You're quite right.

Here he comes.

Isaac?

What a coincidence to see you.

A list.

Gee, goodbye.

Hello.

It's got to be one of the other, doesn't it?

I'm a little upset about what happened to what's the same.

Who?

My old partner.

You know.

Franklin.

Franklin, who?

Your old partner.

Oh, yes.

You know, it's terrible what happened to him.

Did you hear?

He died.

He did?

Yes.

Of course he did.

That's why I'm so upset.

They say he suffered from a heart condition.

Never mentioned it to me.

But then we didn't speak to each other.

I'm sorry.

New doll of mine.

A jill and a box.

Keeping up at the current fashion of equal rights.

I must have jawed the mechanism.

They weren't interested.

They should have been.

They need help.

They wouldn't buy your design.

No, but they should have.

Franklin's inventions lately have been a disaster.

They're all bizarre, impractical.

They haven't had a successful item on the market

in over two years.

They fall in back and stuffed animals.

I'm late.

I really have to run.

Hello.

I won't do it.

What you ladies are suggesting is breaking and entering.

And that's not exactly in favor these days.

Even when it's done legally, it's illegal.

But Barney, if Isaac Paul to sack is right.

Leaving ladies.

One thing I can tell you about Isaac wall to sack,

he is not right.

But if he is right, and the company

is in financial trouble, one way of getting out

of that financial trouble would be

to collect the life insurance on their guiding genius.

Who hasn't been producing?

You mean pretend that Birdwell has croaked,

collect the insurance, and keep the company running?

And keep themselves in high paying jobs.

So you see, we have to have a look at the company records.

Microfilm.

You want microfilm again?

Well, if I do that, I'll be violating my parole.

And my friend doesn't do that anymore.

He's retired.

He doesn't have to come to us.

We'll meet him anywhere he wants.

I think Barney was right.

I think our team shirts do make us look less conspicuous.

I wonder how they mean to contact us.

I hope they do it before we start to play.

I don't remember when I last fall.

You never did, dear.

Oh, it hasn't been that long.

I'm sorry, dear.

I didn't leave any for you.

I think I found our contact.

And the Barney's.

Who are you?

Yeah.

Did you get myself?

Yeah.

Microfilm.

And a Paul marked 136.

As you can see, dear, Birdwall Toy's cash flow

was negligible.

They desperately needed to collect Franklin's insurance money.

An anister, if Franklin Birdwell is

conspiring to defraud the insurance company,

then why is he calling you, letting you know he's alive?

He's in trouble.

He needs help.

And why doesn't he ask for help instead of trying

to make an appointment to talk about a dog?

We don't think he knows he needs help, dear.

He's rather eccentric.

If the definition of eccentric includes dead,

that's quite possible.

Stephen, somebody else's body was in that coffin.

You don't know that for a fact.

But one fact I can surmise, when he was buried,

the coffin was closed.

This is the late Mr. Birdwell's memorial file.

Will your record show whether the casket was open?

Surely, we're not only considerate and compassionate

at Tranquil Park, but conscientious as well.

Ah, here it is.

It was closed.

No, madam, the casket was open.

Hi, doc.

Hello, Barney.

How are you?

Well, actually, I got this little pain in my back.

Barney, that how are you?

Was, how are you?

Not how are you?

How are you?

Fine, doc, how are you?

I've been having these pains in my bed.

The ladies are in the potting shed.

They're busy growing dirt.

Nathan.

What a pleasant surprise.

Isn't the neighborhood I thought I'd drop by?

Stephen sicked you, honest, didn't he?

He reminded me it's that time of year

when we all should have our physical checkups.

I don't know about you, Nathan, but we had ours right

in your office a month ago.

Yes, well, it's not really this year's physical.

I'm talking about it's next year's.

Why don't we take it early?

I know Stephen's worried about the master,

but she's perfectly all right.

Only thing wrong with me is a severe case of perplexity,

which you can help cure.

When someone dies, under what conditions

may a doctor sign a death certificate without an autopsy?

Well, under our laws, Dr. Only has

to prove two things.

He's treated the patient within the seven days prior

to death through the condition from which the patient died

and then he examined the body after death.

Nathan, would you be able to find out

who signed a particular death certificate?

It's a matter of public record.

Check for you.

Who are we talking about?

Franklin Birdwell.

Well, the inventor.

His ex-wife, Olivia Cunningham, was a patient of mine.

Didn't know Franklin had ever been married.

For a brief time many years ago, he is a charming lady,

much younger than Birdwell.

Watch this all about us.

Can you keep a confidence?

I am a doctor.

We'll tell you anyway.

We're convinced that Franklin Birdwell

is alive and well and living somewhere.

Everybody has to be somewhere.

Now, can you tell us where Olivia lives?

We'd like to pay our respects.

Yeah.

I'll write it down for you.

Good.

OK.

I think we could get this filled at a pharmacy.

Didn't you say that you heard dogs barking in the back of the house?

I thought I'd write a round of Franklin's last call.

Yes, I did.

Oh, splendid.

You're just in time for tea.

Who are you?

With the Snoop sisters.

Oh, that's absolutely right.

Come here.

Come here, love.

Come here.

We couldn't have tea.

Oh, forgive me.

We were friends of Franklin.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear, Franklin.

You seem to be missing one of my dogs.

How can you tell when one is missing?

Come on in.

Make yourself comfortable.

Sit down.

Sit down.

You can sit on a couch.

You can't sit up.

Excuse me.

To be there.

Oh, that's Danny.

Oh, there.

Oh, dear.

Oh, dear.

This is very special.

No, we can hear our tea.

It's set for three.

Oh, yes.

My horoscope said to expect two unexpected visitors today.

Are you into?

Astrology?

No.

Am I into Sasha's chair?

Oh, no, no.

That's a compliment.

He liked you.

Very seldom sits on strange.

Franklin gave me Sasha on our second anniversary.

And Apollo came to me on our first and then it was Jupiter.

Jupiter was the third.

And Zuma was the fourth.

See, as our relationship diminished, so did the size of the dogs.

That was the fifth.

Obviously the last.

It was an unfriendly divorce.

Oh, on the contrary.

It was a divine divorce, you see.

Franklin is an aerate, and I'm a Gemini, so just couldn't be in the other way.

All right, go ahead.

Ask me the questions.

Question?

Yes, I'm also supposed to answer many questions today.

How soon after the funeral were you notified of Franklin's death?

Well, I was at the funeral.

I stayed in the background, of course, but I had to be there.

Franklin and I could not live together, but it did remain very close.

I was in almost daily communication with him.

You haven't heard from him lately, have you?

No, I don't believe in the year after.

How about the here and now?

You see, we don't really believe that Franklin is dead.

Well, of course he did.

I was at the funeral.

You didn't look in the casket.

Well, certainly I did.

I had to say goodbye.

Perhaps if you worked on your book this afternoon, it might prove a pleasant distraction.

I shall just have to face the reality that I have been receiving phone calls from a dead

man.

Could the presumption of Franklin's death have benefited Olivia in some way?

Insurance and inheritance made it in spirit or out of her?

Why possibly?

Oh, thank you, dear.

It feels so much better.

Barney, your eyes have been glued to the rear view mirror.

I'll be being followed.

I think so.

I have black sedan?

Yes.

What may I try to lose him?

Not with the price of gasoline today.

Fund me, I got to lose him.

Hang on, ladies.

Why was the man in the black car following us?

Do you think he wanted to kill us?

Definitely not.

He could have if he'd really wanted to.

That's what I thought.

But we must be getting close to something since we frightened someone into frightening

us.

Hello.

Hello, Nathan.

Oh, that's very kind of you.

Just a moment, I'll ride you down.

Thank you, Nathan.

Dr. Taryn Strucker of Manhasset.

I'm Franklin Birdwell's death certificate.

Dr. Drucker.

Dr. Drucker?

Dr. Drucker.

Yes?

I'm Ernesto Snoop.

This is my sister, G.

It's, uh, is after all this hours.

The door was open.

Well, I'm closed, too.

In fact, I'm, uh, I'm just, uh, leaving.

Why don't you come back tomorrow?

We won't take a moment of your time.

It's a personal matter.

It concerns Franklin Birdwell.

We've just arrived in town and the news of his death was a great shock.

Had he been ill long?

Well, he had a, uh, a heart condition.

He never mentioned it in his letters.

Was it of recent origin?

No.

No, no, no, no.

I've been treating him for years.

Were you the family physician?

Was I what?

The family physician.

Oh, yes, yes.

We're trying to locate Franklin's next of kin.

Well, I wouldn't know that.

He, he was a very, uh, close-nought person.

Perhaps in your records it might be listed in case of, uh, what happened?

I'll check.

I'm sorry, I, I don't give a next to kin.

Oh, thank you, Dr. Drucker.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Did you notice the folder?

Hmm.

Birdwell's built with one L. It could be an unknowing secretary, but.

I say so do I.

It warrants investigation.

Good new life.

How do we own it?

I'll give you a boost to the ledge.

I'll go get it.

You'll have to guide me.

You'll have to go to the left.

That's good, dear.

I'll have to try another one.

Good.

Well, the next one, dear.

I missed him.

I missed him.

Come up here.

He's dead.

Hold on.

Why? I don't think I set the break.

I don't think you can.

We better call the police when we can.

I don't understand you at all.

I come with instructions.

Well, whoever assemblage it, it allows the job.

They put you behind where your head should be.

After I told you not to let him out of your sight, how can you let him out of your sight?

I was in pain. I was in anguish.

You don't know what it's like to have a pain in the neck.

I don't know what it's like to have this ties it off, Barney. You're finished.

I quit. You find somebody else who can handle those ladies.

Well, don't you worry about it. I will find somebody.

You said you were going to find somebody else.

I will. I will find somebody else. But just don't push me.

If I stay, I got to get more money.

Hey, that's blackmail, Barney.

You're in violation of your parole. Get out of here.

Ladies. Ladies. Ladies.

I just came from the lieutenant and he chewed me out, but good. A plus.

Barney. Sit down. Please. Please.

Now, I've got something to say to you, and I want you to hear what I've got to say to you.

No matter how long it takes me to say it, getting yourselves busted on a 240-35.

My ladies peeping toms, and you'd still be in the slammer if you weren't related to the lieutenant.

Oh, Barney. We're sorry.

And the lieutenant blames me, says I should have been there.

But if you had been there, you'd have been in the slammer too. He wouldn't like that.

Barney, isn't there so we'd ever done this to you before?

Oh, yes you have. And you'll do it again.

Only for the next couple of weeks. Until the lieutenant cools off, you'll cool it.

Will you?

We'll cool it.

Okay, France.

So, why did they knock the doctor off?

The murderer was afraid he'd let the truth slip out.

What truth? We have a theory about that.

No.

Actually, we have two theories. The first is that Drucker was paid a fee.

A large one. To lie. To pretend that he was Franklin Birdwell's family physician.

Which he couldn't have been. Because if he'd been a family physician, he would have had a very extensive case history.

Considering Franklin's hypochondria.

And that Dr. Drucker signed the death certificate not knowing whether it was Franklin's body or not.

And the other theory is that he was involved in the conspiracy and knew all along that the man he claimed was Franklin Birdwell wasn't Franklin.

I like number one.

Oh, dear. We favor two.

There is a number three we're not talking about.

The late Franklin Birdwell could be dead.

He isn't.

To you know. But to four other people, yes. And they've got one advantage over you, Missy. They were at the funeral.

Hmm.

Who else could have been at the funeral?

Of course. The attendance from the mortuary. They would know whether it was Franklin or not.

If they had a picture of him that you could show him.

Very good. Thank you.

Now, where do we get a photograph?

See, me and I saw one at his factory.

No, that was a bronze bust. Oh.

Well, I have seen a photograph somewhere. It was in a silver frame. Now, what's that?

Don't ice to see you again.

I'm sorry. I will be able to give you more time.

I was just off to see another one of Franklin's lawyers.

I devote every day to say the lawyer that has a different interpretation of Franklin as well.

If it wasn't for lawyers, we'd have no need of lawyers.

To whom did Franklin leave the bulk of his estate?

Well, he left the bulk and the rest to me.

Now, how can I be of help?

I would like very much to be of help, preferably before noon, because it would fulfill my chart.

We were wondering if we could have a photograph of Franklin.

What an extraordinary request.

I like very much to use him as a character in one of my books, and it always helps to have something to relate to.

Oh, I think Franklin would love a tribute like that.

I think you'll find a portrait over there on the piano that might be suitable.

She's all that she loves.

And with you, Barney.

Will you, ladies, be coming back here?

You have our word.

Ladies, will you be coming right back here?

Yes, Barney.

Thank you.

I didn't mean immediately.

Why are we hiding?

Who's Marie Larson?

Who's Donald Garber and Marie Larson?

He's a designer of bored world toys.

Can you follow that car in conspicuously?

She knows me, but she doesn't know our car.

What do you want me to find out?

Whatever there is to find out.

All right.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Hey, could you, uh, could you?

So good of you to have come.

Can you?

You're looking very well.

He'll be very happy you were here.

Please take hold.

No, please take hold.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

You may sit down.

Sit down.

Beloved friends, we are gathered here today to pay our last respects to a beloved husband, brother, uncle, and union member.

Almost.

We are gathered here today.

She must have really had a thing going with that bird.

That doesn't make sense.

She doesn't seem to his type.

Not at all.

She'd have no appeal whatsoever for Franklin, but it would make sense.

If she were paying her respects to somebody else, that would corroborate our theory.

That bird well isn't buried there.

And the person who is...

Must be someone close to Maureen Morris.

Hey, I got it. I got it. I'm starting to talk like you.

Now, all we need is the final proof.

Which is what?

We have Franklin's picture.

We are going to show it to some impartial witnesses.

We will confirm that there was a substitution.

Neat.

We have a picture that we'd like you to identify.

Do you know this man?

Yes.

You do.

It's Franklin Birdwell.

You've seen his photograph before.

No.

We buried him.

This is the case of a how and a who and a who.

How would they done it? Who has done it? To whom if they done it?

Correct.

If a body was substituted, who was it?

And how did it end up with Franklin Birdwell's face?

I'll get it.

I'm glad, though, that you have not abandoned your beliefs, that Franklin is alive.

That abandoned what was as temporary as my commitment to diet,

which is being immeasurably strengthened by Barney's lasagna.

Lasagna?

Well, I'll have some of that in the evening.

Don't you pull up the chair.

All right, chair.

Well, you're not eating.

It's terrible.

We don't want to hurt Barney's feelings.

Barney, I just had a bite to eat, so keep it down to a touch, huh?

Do you have a good day, Stephen?

Interesting one.

I think you'd be pleased to know I have a hunch, your hunch, about Dr. Drucker was right.

I think he did sign a phony death certificate.

Oh, it's comforting to be right about something.

So far, the other side has been winning.

Remember, the winner is the one who makes the next last mistake.

Whoever murdered Dr. Drucker made a big mistake.

He let us know that he was worth investigating.

So far, we found out he owned a private sanitarium.

What a perfect place to keep an allegedly dead person.

Right.

I also made a list of the other suspects.

People who've benefited from having Franklin Birdwell dead, unquote.

Olivia.

She inherited his money.

Right.

And his head of Birdwell toys, Franklin was insured for a million dollars.

Payment of that death claim has kept the company going and has kept those executives in highly lucrative jobs.

Right again.

Add to that the names of Shriver Danforth, the head man, Donald Garber, the heir apparent.

And the other lady, what's her name, the treasurer, Mrs. Larson, Maureen Larson.

Mrs. Larson?

Mrs. Larson is a Mrs. She's married.

No.

Was.

She's widowed.

Well done.

Good stuff.

Turn around.

Finished.

Yes.

See you tomorrow.

Good name.

What was that all about?

That was Shriver Danforth, the man who runs Birdwell toys.

Yes.

Hello.

I'm Gwendolyn Snoop, Nicholson.

I don't know if you remember me.

We met at the Birdwell factory.

I was with the telephone company then.

And I'm a nester Snoop.

Yes.

I know your books.

Please come in.

Thank you.

If I seem surprised, it's because I'm not used to visitors here in the morning.

I'm usually at work.

We called your office.

They said you weren't coming in today.

Are you all right?

Oh, yes.

I was at the plant until early this morning.

Well, you have a hit toy like Boffoe.

You work all hours.

Boffoe.

Boffoe, the barking dog.

He also wags his tail.

He's a delight.

Now, how can I help you?

When Franklin Birdwell was alive, your company was interested in producing an inspector

hook-stratton doll.

We were wondering, well, I'm afraid that's not in my department.

That's something you'd have to take up with Mr. Garber.

Oh, that's disappointing.

Isn't it, Gee?

Gee?

Oh.

I'm sorry.

I was so intrigued with these photographs.

I never could take color pictures.

Those were from a trip my husband and I took to the islands just before his death.

Well, we've held you up long enough.

I'm so sorry for the intrusion.

Well, I'm just sorry that I couldn't be of some help.

Perhaps you can.

Tell me where I can buy a buffalo.

They're hard to find.

That's why we're working day and night to fill the demand.

Keep this one.

Oh, I couldn't, please.

Oh, thank you.

You're welcome.

Goodbye, ladies.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

The dating code on the margin of those photographs indicates that Mr. Larson was alive as recently as four months ago

and a likely candidate for Franklin's substitute.

Franklin's first phone call had the mechanical drummer in the background.

Did the second feature Boffo?

That's it.

Which means that Franklin's still alive and hidden somewhere in the factory.

Didn't figure the Drucker owned a sanitarium.

Yeah, he looked like he was on the wrong end of a second mortgage.

What was it?

Women, gambling, or booze?

A little bit of the first two and a whole lot of the last.

You figure Birdwell was stashed here?

Yeah.

So, figure he went bonkers, right?

Now, if you want to lock up a man like that,

especially one whom you once thought dead, a private sanitarium is the best place.

Do you have a patient here by the name of Franklin Birdwell?

No, we have no one of that name.

Well, do you have any patients missing in the last few days?

Well, we do have a missing schizophrenic you might be interested in.

Four days ago, he split in the physical sense.

I'm afraid we weren't watching him very closely.

He was rational so much of the time.

What was his name?

He was listed as Frederick Barrington.

Well, he was a private patient of our owner, Dr. Drucker.

Hi, Jeff.

Come on in.

Hello.

Oh, I hope this isn't an inconvenient time.

Yes.

Oh, well, we could come back.

What would be a good time?

Seven o'clock is a good time.

Oh, but I won't be here then.

We better do it now before the duck comes up.

The duck?

It's my new invention.

A duck that can hold its breath under water.

Isis, you and Franklin Birdwell were partners when the Birdwell factory was being built.

Isn't that right?

We even laid the bricks.

You wouldn't buy any chance of adding a secret room?

No.

You didn't?

Well, we thought we did.

But if you're asking about it, it isn't secret.

Where is that duck?

Maybe I invented a submarine duck.

Isaac, where is the secret room?

Raggedy-eye.

Raggedy-eye?

There are three sewing machines that work on the Raggedy-eye and Dals.

Train the spindle on the third machine, third row, and the wall behind the dowels.

Sides up.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Do you think we'll get away with this, dear?

It's better than being arrested a third time.

Yes, what do you want?

Cleaning crew.

They just left.

Get along with me.

I told you they just left.

Sure they did, the young spout peens.

They're off playing somewhere, and we're

stuck with the dark hours.

But the place has already been cleaned up fine and dandy

me dialing.

But where the special is?

Where the fluffers?

The fluffers?

And the puffers?

We fluff and puff the stuffed animals.

Fluff and puff the stuffed animals.

And we vacuum too.

Oh, well, come right in ladies.

Oh, dear, the dirt and beer.

They didn't do a very good job, those young people.

Oh, well, they certainly left plenty for us to do.

Oh, this way, ladies, please.

This way.

Well, I'll start here with the tigers.

Is that enough light for you?

Yes, it's blended.

Ernesto.

I'm from a bar of copper likeness.

If one had a mold, one could duplicate anyone's name.

And up in Franklin's office is a bust of Franklin.

Birdwell.

It could well be the mold.

He said, Raggedy Anne.

And this is Raggedy Anne.

Look.

.

OK.

I'd be happy to cryptocurrency it up for tomorrow.

Pray ambition.

Superb timing. I have just perfected it.

I can't say the name. This room might be bound, you know.

Where could it be? Just got out of my sight with...

He's right here. Oh, here he is.

He's taking a ride on the merry-go-round.

Here we come.

Oh, here he is.

Surprise!

And Spencer!

Got his voice perfect too?

It's voice.

In Cops and Robbers, I remembered.

You described his voice as gruff,

a fog horn bellowing in the night.

Remember, she?

Pull this little white thing here.

Don't move. We're the police.

I think we can get his voice a little lower.

Gee, we must call Stephen and tell him the exciting news.

There are no telephones here, do you?

Yes, but you telephone ours.

I have to sneak out in the middle of the night,

or early in the morning, and they're not here.

They, Franklin?

The ones who want to steal the hook.

We must outwit them.

You take care of it, ladies. You take care of it.

We will outwit them too.

We'll be right back, Franklin. You stay here.

We're going to get people who can help.

Oh, thank you.

Still working for the phone company?

It was inevitable that you would turn up at this precise moment.

What?

In all mystery stories, including my own,

the murderer suddenly appears out of nowhere with a gun in his hand.

There's a presumption there.

Well, we could presume that if you want the killer,

you don't intend to hurt us.

You are about to obtain a confession. I don't think you want.

It was you.

I really regret having to do this, but I'm afraid you know entirely too much.

Oh, how many times I've tried to find an original way of phrasing that line,

and it isn't really necessary.

Now, ladies, shall we go back to Franklin's hiding place?

I'm indebted to you for revealing it.

You won't get away with this. The police know we're here.

Yes. They do.

I would have expected you to be more inventive than that.

Don't move. We're the police.

Ladies, that was an exercise in futility.

Now, shall we go and visit Franklin?

How did you know we were in the factory?

Mr. O'Hara is a very efficient guard.

That's another standard exercise in detective story-ploys, isn't it?

The person in danger stalling, asking questions, hoping for a last minute rescue.

Very good. But you know you're not going to win.

The killer is always stopped a moment before the gun is fired.

Ladies, that is fiction. This is non-fiction.

You want to rewrite that line? Don't move.

You're not going to be a good guy.

Where the police?

Steve!

You're a rescue.

No, predictable.

It's much appreciated.

Oh, and when you said you want to rewrite that line,

what was it great?

Of course you did almost roll in it when you said don't move.

Don't move. We're the police.

Ladies.

Ladies.

Good evening.

Oh, hello, dear Steve.

Hi, Lieutenant. Just in time for dinner.

Oh, lasagna?

No, beef.

Oh.

Why don't you pull up my chair and join us?

Steve, where have you been?

Arresting everybody.

This is the first time we've been involved in a case in which all the suspects were guilty.

Only if you didn't think of Olivia as a suspect.

Oh, we never really did, dear.

You know, I can't figure it.

She lives in the coffin and can't tell the difference between a mask and her husband.

I've seen the mask. It's uncanny how lifelike it is.

I'll make that death like.

Remember, Bonnie, Olivia's an emotional woman.

Probably looked at him through a veil of tears.

So, what'd you get him on? Murder wrap?

No, no, no. Just Danforth.

The others, Garber and Ms. Larsen, they're accessories.

Oh, and the man who ran the mortuary.

Why him?

They had to have somebody to put the mask on the body.

So what else, Barney?

Well, there's two things.

Who's the kind of black car that was chasing us?

That was Garber. He was just trying to frighten to off.

And what about the factory? What's going to happen to it?

Isaac Waldersack's going to run it until Franklin Birdwell is fully recovered.

And given a choice, I think it's safer to go with Birdwell as is.

How do you put up on his cooking night after night? This is terrible.

But we made it, dear.

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