Original subtitles

Remember, if it rings twice then stops,

he's definitely blocked me.

THEY TAKE DEEP BREATHS

PHONE RINGS

One...

..two...

RINGING STOPS

Keep waiting.

It's going to ring again.

Has to.

Just...wait.

It's coming.

Nicky?

No, I'm not Nicky, sorry.

Do you want to hear the poem I wrote?

It's called I Gave Him Anal.

Posted it on Instagram. 12 likes. No, thanks.

Art's my thing, not yours.

What's that? The last condom we used.

I kept it. Urgh! It stinks!

Yeah. Well, that's love for you.

OK. My turn.

Seb's hoodie.

Isn't he upstairs? You have to manifest the reality you want.

Maybe the universe will listen.

They're watching us.

I'm surprised with Dev. Most men would be running for the hills.

Perhaps you need me to get out of your hair for a while.

Oh. Are you not having a lovely time?

Yes, of course I am.

Then why are you holding your car keys?

It's just...the girls. They seem to be struggling -

and you've already got enough on your plate as it is.

Well, losing their father hasn't been easy.

I don't think they're really over it.

They don't have a safe, stable male figure in their lives

and this house is upsetting for them.

Maybe the girls are craving a real bonfire.

You know, fresh air, green grass.

When me and Lisa had times of crisis,

we always liked to get back to nature.

But I don't suppose you girls are into that sort of thing, are you?

We're always going out into the woods, aren't we?

Just three girls having it out with Mother Nature.

I can't believe your car's still at the garage.

Must been giving it a thorough service.

Yeah. I think there's an issue with the, er...

Wheels.

Ah.

You're in a good mood, Josie. Well, yeah, I'm excited. Really?

Yep.

I'm going to find myself.

That's a great idea, Josie.

Let's all try to find ourselves.

What if I don't want to find myself?

Well, then you find someone else to be. It's not that easy.

Finding yourself is hard.

That's why I've been on this gap here for so long.

Gap year between what, nothing and nothing?

You don't do anything. Er, I'm an artist.

You've not made anything!

Yeah, because I've been stifling my creativity at home.

No, that's great, Josie.

Some of the greatest minds find themselves in the woods.

You could take after your mother.

She's very creative.

Oh, yes. I'm going to get inspired.

It's just like WB Yeats said, "I went out to the hazel wood

"because a fire was in my..." MUSIC BLARES

BANGING

Oh! Billie's excited.

Josie, listen to me. Don't you dare.

What? I just want to get creative again, to express myself.

Don't go there, Josie.

You getting in touch with your emotions is dangerous.

We are not doing this again.

I can't believe you'd bring that thing here.

It's just my paints.

It's Pandora's fucking box

and we've only just managed to shut it again.

They said I was good at it on the psych ward.

Yeah, you're psych ward good. It's not the Turner Prize.

Not to pressure you, but everything is riding on this trip.

Dev's already started reaching for the emergency escape hatch

and I can't have him finding out that he's the last pillar

propping us up before the fall of fucking Rome.

I can only afford one daughter having a breakdown at a time.

Nicky?

Er, no. It's me. It's Dev.

Right. Hand them over, girls. What?

We're leaving phones in the car. Dev's idea.

But... It'll be good for us.

Can't take in the green if we're staring at the screen.

We can keep them in the glove compartment.

Be hard to fit your iPad in there.

It's only for the night, Dev. You'll get it back in the morning.

Right.

DOOR SLAMS

Let's have an adventure.

Can I wait in the car? No.

Oh.

DEV CHUCKLES

Shortbread, air freshener and one egg.

£70 on Airbnb.

Bargain. That's the same price as therapy. Exactly.

And this one benefits all of us. Much less selfish.

Ooh. "To our next adventure."

Who wrote that, Dev?

A pen pal?

A male pen pal?

It's from Lisa.

She must have left it from the last time we went on a trip together.

Wild swimming in the Lake District - it was so funny,

we didn't bring our swimming costumes, so we just...

Well, I shouldn't say any more, really.

So, where's the picnic food?

I thought you were bringing that because I paid for the cabin

and the petrol.

And your KitKat Chunky.

I didn't realise that was the deal. Sorry.

Lisa always used to bring hand-baked snacks

and her famous lentil bean chilli.

We can go and get supplies.

I'll take Billie with me. She loves the outdoors.

THUD

You two can go and enjoy the nature.

Now, tell me, Josie, what are you going to get? Supplies for dinner.

And what are you not going to find?

Myself.

Good girl.

I wish she'd just let me wait in the car. What if Nicky's texted?

Try to embrace it.

Look at the beautiful nature.

Yeah, it's just like it looks on TV - fucking boring.

Where's the shop?

Oh, we're not going to the shop.

We're going to get inspired.

How? I've not got that far yet.

Maybe it's nice not having our phones.

Listen to the wind, the trees.

What do you hear?

What's on your mind?

Nothing.

Exactly. Nothing at all.

My head's empty.

Josie!

My head is empty!

I know, yeah. No, it's fucking empty!

I feel everything. The dark void of emptiness.

There's nothing in there. Nothing! Help me.

What do I do with all the space in my brain that Nicky took up?

You just need to find a new thing to fill the void with.

Not art, though! That's my thing.

Don't be filling that empty head with ideas, OK?

Oh, look, a church.

Some of the best artists get inspiration in churches.

How exciting! Let's go! Come on!

Wow.

It says here this is where Jane Austen

wrote passages of Pride and Prejudice. Urgh! Do you want to go?

Billie, that's a good thing! Oh. OK.

Well, it is quite nice in here.

Imagine, all those years ago, she sat in here and thought of ideas.

I think one's coming. Better get ready.

Need more paper?

Just fuck off, OK?

Oh!

DEV CHUCKLES

Lovely.

Tell me more about your adventures with Lisa.

Oh, well, we'd, erm... we'd play Rummikub.

I'd practise my Wim Hof, obviously, and then we'd go wild swimming.

We'd, erm...

We'd chat about our favourite music and... The wild swimming.

Well, that's a bit naughty.

It's a secret between myself and her.

Probably my happiest memory.

Let's go wild.

Whoa, whoa. It's... It's a bit chilly.

Live a little.

Let's get back to nature.

DEV SOBS

I'm sorry.

I was thinking about her.

Sorry, can I have a tissue?

CONTINUES SOBBING

Thank you.

Oh, no! I can't...

I can't use that, that's Lisa's!

Oh, is it? I'm sorry. I didn't realise.

HE CRIES

Nicky?

No. That's Jesus. Oh.

You seem lost.

I am, yeah. Just got dumped. Can you believe it?

I was going to have his baby. Oh, are you... No, are you thick?!

Don't be ridiculous! Oh, shit. Wait.

Are you the kind of church that hates abortions

or are you the kind that pretends like it's fine?

We believe in free will here.

God gives you what you need.

So God gave me my boyfriend?

I suppose so, yes.

So God's going to bring him back?

I... I didn't say that.

God - God loves you and God will always do what's right for you,

and a lot of people find comfort in that.

What's the catch?

It's a personal journey,

it takes years of dedication - but God will always be with you.

So you're saying he's a man that can't leave me?

I suppose so, yes.

I'm in.

Who's your friend?

Oh, that's my sister.

And is she...praying?

No. She's hoping for inspiration,

but she hasn't worked out that she's shit at everything yet.

To be fair, she's mostly here

so she doesn't have to give her boyfriend a handjob.

She's a lesbian.

Wow! I feel loads better.

Thank you very much. Have a lovely day.

Goodbye.

I take it all back.

I love nature!

Look at the way the light goes through the trees.

Yeah. All the wonders of the woodland.

Ooh! Is that a fossil?

No, it's dog shit. What's gotten into you?

I met someone. Who?

Well, they're really kind and loving and compassionate.

It's God, isn't it? It's God, yeah.

DEADPAN: Fantastic.

Never felt peace like it.

Remember when my head was all empty earlier?

That's OK now, cos God's in it.

Who am I?

Who actually fucking am I?!

I've had no ideas, nothing. Wouldn't I have had inspiration by now?

Maybe you're not an artist.

I've got to be an artist.

I've got too much pain to not be.

We've all got pain.

Yeah, but I've got loads of it.

Shit. That does sound tough. Know who might help you?

Don't you dare say God.

It's God, yeah.

You're home. Fantastic.

Where's all the bags?

Oh...

Fuck me.

Dev is next-door thinking I'm making a woodland feast

like his stupid dead wife did.

Why did you not get supplies?

I found something much better, actually.

Well, thank goodness for that.

You had me scared there that we were going to have nothing to eat.

What did you get?

It's not something you get.

It's something you feel.

Eh? It's God, Mum. She's talking about God.

For fuck's sake.

I cannot turn my back for ten minutes

without one of you finding God.

We're not having another Josie Scientology fiasco.

The sign said free personality test. What was I going to do?

Not go in? How the fuck do I make a meal out of shortbread and an egg?

Mm! Smells delicious.

Well, it doesn't, Dev, cos I've not cooked anything.

We've not got any food.

I've let you down. I'm so sorry.

I will never be Lisa.

No.

No, you won't.

Did he say that in a nice way?

JOSIE AND BILLIE: Erm...

Still no sign of Dev, then? Nah.

Should we help her?

Nah.

Only God can help her now.

Do you think it's our fault the trip is ruined?

Probably, yeah.

It's OK. Mum's superpower is turning all bad memories into good ones.

We could spend the weekend burning in hell

and I guarantee you, by Monday, she'll be reminiscing fondly

about how warm it was.

You OK, Mum?

Maybe he can't find us.

He's lost in the woods.

Maybe he's alone.

We have to help him by making a fire,

a beacon in the night, for him to find his way back.

OK, well, let us know if you'd like a third of some shortbread.

Poor woman.

She still thinks he's coming back.

Deluded.

Only God can bring men back.

I think God probably sent Dev away.

Act of mercy.

Do you think God could have sent Nicky away? Could have done, yeah.

What the fuck would God do that for?! Don't know.

That's just one of the unanswerable questions, innit? What do you mean?

Well, like, that's the thing. You can't get all the answers,

it's all a bit murky. You just sort of have to choose what resonates.

I'm going to go get some fucking answers.

Don't you dare!

This is your fault!

How is it my fault? Because you brought that fucking box.

You didn't even try and get dinner.

You went out into the woods to get inspired, didn't you?

Admit it! Selfish!

I didn't! Admit it! OK, I did! I wanted to get ideas for my art.

I want to be an artist. What's wrong with art?

Because where does it end, Josie?

Next you'll be asking for therapy.

Like my advice isn't good enough for you or something.

Yes! Listen to me.

Can you think of a happy artist? No.

They're all fucking miserable.

That is what art does to people.

It drags up all kinds of emotions that we cannot afford to have.

Stop exploring yourself.

You do not need to swim in deeper waters.

That's where sharks are.

It's just art.

I just wish that you would choose a stable life and settle

down with your nice boyfriend,

none of these big ideas.

It's much safer.

Like me and Dev.

Well, where is he, then?

BANGS ON DOOR

God?

Hello! God!

DOOR CLOSING

God! Come back, God!

I've got questions

and I need answers!

ENGINE STARTS

SHE GROANS

You coward!

TYRES SCREECH

I found a good one.

I know it.

We just have to have a little faith.

There is no God.

He just drove away from me in a Vauxhall Corsa.

I give up. All men leave us. Even God.

That's not true. Why are none of them here then?

Where's Dev? Yeah. Where is Dev, Mum?

He's been gone a long time.

He's coming back. Is he?

He's left us out in the woods.

He's left us with no food and we're going to die.

Maybe he's just got distracted.

Or he's helping someone in the town or something.

Oh, listen to yourself, woman!

He's never going to get over his dead wife!

No, it's your fault.

You both scared him off. I hope you're happy.

I loved him. Did you?

You don't know what love is, Josie.

Love is a deal that you make with someone else.

Isn't love about having a deeply emotional connection with someone

that makes you feel alive?

Yeah, you can get good terms on the deal, that's what I said.

Right. There's only one thing for it.

One of us is going to have to go out there and look for him.

How would we work out who has to go out into the woods

in the middle of the night? That's a death mission.

OK, everyone, shut your eyes and point at the person

that should go. It's only fair.

Open them.

Oh, I see how it is. You both want to send me to my death, do you?

What?! You love that sort of thing!

OK. Well, you know what?

Now I'm feeling really inspired.

You guys are on your own.

Right. You're up next, Billie.

I didn't even really like Dev. Well, I do.

He is so nice to me.

And when he ejaculates, it's only ever a thimbleful

and it never smells.

That's nice.

Do you really think he's gone?

Yes.

We're spinsters. Washed up.

Face it, you're never going to replace his perfect dead wife.

If it helps, from the picture, she looks fucking frigid.

Let's not speak ill of the dead.

Fucking frigid bitch.

He wasn't that great.

In fact, he brought absolutely nothing to the table.

And I'm a really good judge of character.

See? I am an artist.

Fuck me!

This is why you shouldn't do art.

What? It's nice.

It's uncanny. It's troubling.

It's a horse. It's Dad. Er...

It's not Dad. It's Champion the Wonder Horse - Mum's favourite.

Everything you make is about your fucking father.

I-I wasn't even thinking about him. Exactly!

There is stuff going on in here that no-one needs to know about.

Not even you!

I am shutting Pandora's box for good!

If we don't deal with our emotions, it'll build up and explode.

I'm just trying to process for us.

We need catharsis.

We...do...not...need...CATHARSIS!

Promise me you won't do art again.

I promise. Thank you.

If I can give you one thing, Josie,

it's the gift of not going after your dreams.

You can only be disappointed.

Thank you.

It's OK, really.

I just thought I found myself for a second. No.

Keep looking.

I need to work out who I am,

because this can't be it.

I think it is.

Sorry.

But you know who still loves you?

Is it God?

No, I'm genuinely asking.

Do you know anyone who still loves you?

Doesn't matter if he doesn't come back.

I don't want to be second best to anyone.

Yeah, you're much prettier than her anyway.

He'd be an idiot to throw that all the way.

Am I pretty?

Stunning.

You're not second best.

She's dead.

You're alive.

You've won.

Yeah. You know what?

We're the most alive people I know.

That is true.

We are still alive.

Hands up. Who's still alive?

You know, who's not got her hand up? Lisa, because she's dead.

Thanks.

I'm glad I've got you, Billie.

And you've got me. Yes.

I didn't even really like Dev anyway.

I think he might be the most boring man in the world.

That's what I said! Really?

And you know what?

It did smell.

Oh, you got the fire going.

Dev! Ooh, you've been getting creative I see.

Where have you been?

I went to get supplies, but the shop was shut.

So did you go somewhere else?

Oh, no. Well, I must confess,

I did go on my iPad in the car for a little bit.

It's daily Duolingo.

I didn't want to lose my streak.

I thought you weren't coming back.

Don't be silly.

Or should I say don't be tonta.

That's Spanish for silly.

You said I could never replace Lisa.

Oh, I see. Well...

No.

No, you can't.

But I wouldn't want you to.

You're Deb.

Oh, Dev.

What a compelling painting of a horse.

Why are you burning it?

We...ran out of wood. Oh.

Well, whoever did that is very talented.

My wife, Lisa, used to paint.

It was me. I did it.

You're so creative, Deb.

And even though it was too good to be true,

it was the last part of me I could give to you.

That was beautiful.

Stunning, Billie.

What's that piece called?

I Gave Him Anal.

You are very talented.

That's cos I've got real pain.

What a lovely trip.

Our best one yet.

And you know what?

I must say, I have not missed my phone at all.

Yeah, me neither. Or me.

GLASS SHATTERS

Anything?

No, maybe it's overloaded.

You? No, but our signal's bad, innit?

Now? Not yet.

Now? No.

You? No.

Now?

No.

Now? Not yet.

Now? No.