Original subtitles

Hey, have you guys seen Jake?

Yeah. He's upstairs in the bathroom lookin' in the mirror.

He's discovered the joy of hair care products.

So young, so vain.

Do you like my hair, like, the spiky thing?

You like that?

Mom, can we talk to you about something?

Yuh-oh. Cheyenne's using her serious voice.

Van, are you pregnant?

Cheyenne, I got this. Mrs. H,

you seem like the kind of person who appreciates birds.

You're not gettin' a bird.

And you probably know there comes a time

when the little birds have to leave the nest.

And is the mama bird sad when that day comes?

- Well-- - Van, you're not gettin' a bird!

- We're moving out. - What?

Yeah.

Van and I think it's time.

We want our independence.

And that table and those knives.

So? Are you okay with us moving out?

Well, I don't know exactly how I feel.

I mean, on the one hand, I'd miss Elizabeth like crazy.

You wouldn't miss me?

Yeah, but not like crazy.

Have you guys figured how much you can afford?

Yeah. Yeah. We made a budget.

And according to Van's salary,

we can afford a place up to $700 a month.

Really?

Wow, you could probably get a great place for $700 a month.

Well, $900 a month if we eat all our meals here.

You can probably get a great place for $700 a month.

So, Mom, what do you think?

- I think it's a great idea. - Really? You're not upset?

No. I think it's time for the little birdies to leave the nest.

[Cheyenne] Aw.

Great. [giggles]

- Mom, where are you going? - I'm gonna go measure y'all's room.

Time for the mama birdie to go get her a treadmill.

[doorbell rings]

I'm a-comin'!

[B.J.] Reba, open up. It's me.

I've already left for work.

I fell for that one yesterday.

I'm a little rushed right now. What can I do for you?

Oh, nothing. I just wanted to ask you somethin'.

- How do you like havin' the name "Reba"? - Well, I prefer "Knuckles."

But I guess it's just fine. Why do you ask?

I wanted to know because if I wind up with a girl, that's what I'm gonna name her.

If you name a dog Reba, I'm gonna slap you silly.

Not a dog. A baby.

Brock and I are havin' another baby!

- But Brock had a vasectomy. - He's getting it reversed!

- Wow. How'd you talk him into that? - He doesn't know yet!

You're completely crazy!

I've been wantin' to talk to him about it,

but I just never know how to start an important conversation with Brock.

Well, I usually say, "How long till halftime?"

See, you know him.

You know what's funny? You know how when you sell someone a used car,

you share the little tips on how to operate it.

You know, how to tune the radio,

what to do if the heat won't turn on.

We never did that when I got Brock.

I don't think you're obligated to tell all the little tips

when somebody steals your car.

- Reba, please. - No, Barbra Jean.

I'm not gonna talk to my ex-husband about having a baby

with the woman he left me for!

That's weird even for our family.

It's not just talkin' to him about that.

- It's about anything. - Barbra Jean--

- Oh, Reba, please! - No.

Fine. But I'm gettin' a dog,

and I'm gonna call it Reba.

And that way, I get to do this, "Reba, no!"

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Hey, hey.

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

[door opens]

We just saw the coolest apartment in the world.

You should really think about renting it. Oh, wait.

- You can't. 'Cause we already did! - Yeah.

Mom, it is on the 20th floor of this amazing building.

- Twentieth floor? - [Cheyenne] Yeah.

Does it have a Xerox machine and a watercooler?

'Cause you may have accidentally gotten a job.

- No. Uh-uh. - No?

Nope. It was an apartment. Mom, wait till you see the view.

- You can see... the curvature of the Earth. - Oh, yeah.

Van, I told you it's impossible--

You can see the curvature... of the Earth.

Well, I'll shut up as long as I can come and hang out at your penthouse.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Penthouse?

Mrs. H, do not worry. It has nothin' to do with the magazine.

You found a 20th-floor penthouse for $700 a month?

No. We found a third-floor unit

in the back of the building for $700 a month.

Then we heard about the apartment of the gods!

It's a little more than $700 a month.

I'll bet. How much?

Keep in mind you can see the curvature of the Earth--

I'll keep that in mind. How much?

Uh, $1,500 a month.

Fi-- That's 700 times two.

Plus a little.

Mrs. H, I don't wanna get into a math argument with you. We want it.

We want it, Mom. We want it bad.

You can't afford it.

Yeah, well, that's what the landlord said.

So, that's why we need you to cosign the lease.

No. No way.

Why don't you take the apartment on the third floor?

We can't go to the third floor now.

We've already been to the mountaintop.

You can't afford the mountaintop.

You're not even payin' rent down here in the floodplain.

- Mom-- - No. No way.

I'm not gonna cosign. End of discussion.

[phone rings]

Oh, if that's the people from the American Dream,

just tell them we're not here.

Barbra Jean, calm down.

What... What's the matter? Oh, okay. I'll be right there.

We just have to face facts, Cheyenne.

[sighs] Your mom's not gonna help us.

How much do you think Jake's worth?

I wish we were in high school, we could just forge her signature,

like we did when we skipped class.

Yeah.

- Van? - Yeah?

- No. - Cheyenne, yes.

- We can't. - [chuckles]

But we're going to, aren't we?

Ah... [exclaims]

- Okay, what's wrong? - Okay.

Reba, do you remember when I told you before I have a really hard time

talking to Brock about important things?

- Yes. - Well, I still do.

Barbra Jean, you lied to me.

No, I tricked you. See, I know how to work you.

- You need to teach me how to work Brock. - Barbra Jean--

Oh, Reba, you have to help me.

Brock gets upset because I always just blurt stuff out.

I'm a blurter, Reba. Help me not be a blurter.

You're not gonna lay off this stuff until I tell you, are you?

No. And it could get worse. You know how annoyin' I am.

That's the first decent argument you've made.

- Okay. I'll tell you. - Thank you. Thank you.

Okay. What should I say to Brock?

Oh, would it help if I put on something sexy?

Certainly wouldn't help me.

- Okay. Say you want Brock to do something. - Uh-huh.

For instance, you want him to paint the upstairs hallway.

- Oh, we are. - You are what?

Yeah, we are gonna paint the upstairs hallway.

- What do you think would be a good color? - I don't care.

- Mint green? - I don't care.

- Sea foam green. - I don't care!

Oh, hey. You're the one who brought it up.

Okay. All right!

- Let's forget the upstairs hallway. - All right.

Whatever it is, Brock's gonna get you to argue about it

until you lose your cool.

And then he's gonna say, "Oh, I can't deal with a hysterical woman."

- [scoffs] You're right! - I know.

- He has done that a million times. - Me, too.

Oh, but if he tries it tonight, I'm gonna get all up in his Kool-Aid.

No, no, no. No, no, no, Barbra Jean.

- That's what he wants you to do. - You're right.

- You're right. Stay cool. Stay cool. - Yeah.

Cool as a cucumber.

[gasps] Cucumber green.

Right. Right. You don't care about the hallway.

- Mm-mm-mm. - Yeah.

- Let's deal with this blurting problem. - Uh-huh.

You have to control the flow of information.

You just can't blurt stuff out.

Hey, sweetheart. Hey, Reba. What are you guys up to?

I think we should have a baby.

Way to go.

A baby? [scoffs]

Barbra Jean, can we not get into this right now?

Oh, why not?

Honey, we could have another baby, and... and then everything would be fine.

- Everything is fine. - Well, it doesn't feel fine.

It feels like, every night, I hop into bed with a stranger.

And I haven't felt that way since college.

Sweetheart, I don't want to talk about this right now.

- Please? - Will you quit pressuring me?

Good Lord! I just walked in the door.

We haven't had dinner, and you want to have a baby.

- Brock, I-- - No, I really don't wanna talk about this.

Don't you think I have enough to deal with in my life already?

Now, please. Just drop it!

Okay, you can name a dog "Reba."

Okay.

[Jake] Van?

- He makes me so angry. - Why, honey? What'd he do?

He used up all my mousse!

Look at my hair. I can't go to the playground like this.

Well, honey, wear a baseball cap.

Hey, Mrs. H.

Hey there, buddy. How you doing?

Ooh. You could use some more volume.

This is not over.

- Hey, Mr. H! - Get out.

Well!

I see where Jake gets his temper from.

- You could use some more volume, too. - Get out!

Well, you're just yelling at everybody today, aren't you?

What the heck was all that before with the baby stuff?

- I didn't know she was gonna blurt it out. - Well, you didn't stop her.

That's not my job.

You two people are the ones comin' barging in my door.

I thought when I raised you and got you remarried, you'd be more independent.

And don't you come in here yellin' at me.

I'm not Barbra Jean, and this is not your house.

Oh, calm down. I can't talk to a hysterical woman.

Get out of my house. Get out.

No.

You do things to make my life miserable because you resent me,

and I am not leaving here until we straighten things out between us.

Where was that attitude three years ago?

Okay. You know what? That's what I wanna talk about.

- Do you? Do you really wanna do that? - Yeah.

If you open that door, I guarantee you're not gonna like what you find behind it.

- I know I won't. - You did me wrong.

- Flat-out wrong. - No, everything I did was wrong.

I know what you--

What?

I'm trying to be honest, Reba. That's where we are in my therapy now.

It's forcing me to be brutally honest with myself.

And as the person who knows me best,

you can just imagine how unpleasant that is.

Well, that's a good thing, right? I mean,

that's what you're supposed to do in therapy, is be honest?

Yeah. Yeah, and that's what I was supposed to be doing

when we were in couples therapy, too, only...

I didn't.

Oh.

You know, I guess it was just...

easier to blame my unhappiness on everybody else.

And so, because I was afraid, everyone I care about got hurt.

My kids...

My best friend.

Calm down. I can't talk to a hysterical man.

I'm just...

so sick of hurting everybody, Reba.

[crying softly]

- Uh-huh. - Yeah?

Uh-huh. Oh. [laughs]

That's great. No, no. Thank you.

[squeals] Oh, we got the apartment?

- No. - What? Why?

[sighs] They turned us down because your mom has lousy credit.

[gasps]

Yeah. You know, she could have told us that

before we went to the trouble of forging her signature.

God, Van. This is so embarrassing.

Oh, yeah.

And first of all, do you know your mom makes, like, nothing?

And she makes it every year.

But she is Mom. Don't they know that?

She's not penthouse material.

[chuckles]

Think about it. Like, I mean, we are about to leave her.

I mean, it's bad enough that she's broke, but to leave her alone, too?

Oh, Van, I think I'm gonna cry.

- No, don't cry. - Okay.

I just wish I knew there was something that we could do to help.

We could pay her some rent.

Yeah, and we could buy our own food.

Well, not both. We don't want to rub her nose in it.

Hey there. You guys come down off the mountaintop yet?

There will be no new apartment.

What?

That's right. No new apartment.

From now on, if I want to see the curvature of the Earth,

I'll just have to become an astronaut.

Well, that's something for the space program to look forward to.

- Here. - What's this?

It's a blank check for rent. Fill it in for a hundred dollars.

Oh, honey. You didn't have to do that.

Oh, take the money, you proud, brave woman.

But you guys were so excited about movin' out. What happened?

What happened? What happened?

This! [exclaims] This.

You put food on the table. You put a roof over our heads.

Mrs. H, we owe you.

- Yes. - Well, thanks.

You mind signing your name at the bottom?

Sure.

What did we say? Fifty?

Now that you're paying rent, I guess you want the good parking spot.

Nah, the parking situation is fine.

It's the menu I'm having a problem with.

- What did you call me? - Reba.

Now that we're renters, I don't think it's right for me to call you Mrs. H.

Oh, and I'm cutting down on my carbs, so keep that in mind. Okay, Rebe?

Sure thing. I just have one little bitty question for Cheyenne.

Sure. What is it?

Do you have a life insurance policy on your husband?

- I think so. - I think so. Why?

'Cause he's not gonna make it.

- Mom. - Hey.

I know you admire directness, so I'm just gonna get to it.

Barbra Jean said she saw you in bed with Dad.

What?

She's crazy! You know that's not true.

Of course I do. But she swears something happened this afternoon.

- At exactly 4:17. - Exactly 4:17?

She swears, after seeing it, her watch stopped.

Good Lord. Honey, I was just hugging your dad.

- It was nothing. - Well, it wasn't nothing to Barbra Jean.

Look, I know it seems like I'm mean to her all the time.

But I'm really not. 'Cause most of it just goes over her head.

She thinks I like her, and I kinda do.

I don't wanna see her like this.

Then just go tell her what really happened.

I don't think she's gonna believe it from me.

Fine.

But I'll tell you one thing, I will never hug again.

Hey, Reba. Just thought I'd come over and tell you what a wonderful friend you are.

Oh, what's Brock doing here?

[yells] Adulterers!

- Barbra Jean! - Hey. Hey.

Are you hittin' your dolls with your skillet?

No.

No, I was, uh, just cleanin' up some trash.

Hey, let me guess. You're lookin' for Brock.

No. Actually, I was comin' over lookin' for you.

As in, seein' if the coast is clear so you and your boyfriend could make out?

Oh, gross.

Look, Barbra Jean, I know what you think you saw Brock and me doin', but you--

- It wasn't what you think. - You were touchin'.

You were... You were stuck together like two gummy worms on a hot summer day.

Brock and I are divorced.

The perfect cover for an affair.

Everybody worries about the other woman.

Nobody worries about the original.

You're blowing this way out of proportion.

I was just huggin' Brock because he was talkin' to me

about what he's goin' through in his therapy.

He tells you about therapy?

- No. - [exclaiming]

I know something's wrong, Reba. I can feel it.

You know, it's not just the two of you pawing each other like Sonny and Cher.

It's him being unhappy, the therapy, the pills.

It's like he thinks everything with me was a mistake.

Barbra Jean, it'll be fine.

He just needs time to figure things out.

You know, I don't know, Reba.

I'd like to believe you, but I don't know if I should.

Why can't God just give me a sign?

[Brock] Barbra Jean? I'm back.

See? There's your sign. He's come home to the one he loves.

Yeah.

Hey, Barbra Jean.

I think we should talk.

[softly] See? Bye.

Yeah, I think so, too.

But could you give me a minute with Reba first?

You want me to leave?

Okay, I'll leave.

But make it a good minute, Brock.

Make sure that at the end of that minute, you've figured out whatever it is

you need to figure out, because I can't keep living like this.

Brock, go after her.

She thinks that you think you made a mistake

by leaving me and marrying her and everything.

- Go tell her she was wrong. - I don't think I can do that.

And why the heck not?

Because...

I do think I made a mistake.

[closing theme music playing]