Original subtitles

- Good morning, Mom. - Hey.

Notice anything different about me?

Please tell me you're not pregnant again.

This Saturday, I am turning 21,

which means I will finally be an adult.

Oh, your baby daughter will be so glad to hear it.

Today is day one of my birthday week.

Or, as I like to call it, Cheyenne-a-palooza.

- How could you, Reba? - What are you talkin' about?

I told you, Barbra Jean. It was my idea to go back on medication.

Look, Barbra Jean. Yes, I do think Brock should stay on antidepressants.

- How could you say that? - Because I think it's good for him.

Just like I think he should eat broccoli,

jog everyday and take his wife to Paris...

and leave her there.

Well, he's my husband, and I say he shouldn't be taking antidepressants.

And if anyone deserves to go to Paris, it's you.

What have you got against antidepressants?

Oh, shh! Do you mind? Do we have to tell the entire world

that I'm takin'... you know?

It's just I haven't told the kids yet. I haven't figured out the right way.

Good lord, Brock! You're gonna tell the kids?

Why not, Barbra Jean? There's no shame in it.

Unlike the rest of his life.

Why don't you tell the kids, you big chicken?

Oh, you mean like you did when you were takin' 'em?

[splutters] What?

You take happy pills?

Oh, well, there's all the evidence you need to know they don't work.

And the fact that you're still alive is proof that they do work.

Look, I was only on 'em for a little while. It was a long time ago.

To tell you the truth, Brock, I wish I had told the kids.

Reba, I warned you.

If you didn't stay out of my marriage, I would never speak to you again.

- Here. - What's this?

It's a goodbye card.

Yeah, I was afraid this wasn't gonna go well.

So, goodbye, Reba.

And those are the last words you're ever gonna hear from me.

Oh, really? You know, I thought the last words would be,

"Reba, this soup tastes funny."

[imitates gagging]

Ha... ha.

- Okay, those are my last words. - Oh.

And since my last words were "ha" and "ha,"

I also got the last laugh.

And now, I'll lock my lips and throw away the key.

[squeaking]

That's just great. She's serious, Reba.

What am I gonna tell the kids when they wanna know why you two aren't speaking?

Not now, Brock. I gotta find that key and bury it.

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Hey, hey.

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Is Cheyenne here? I wanna ask her what she wants for her birthday.

You're gonna ask a woman what she wants for her birthday?

What are you, nine?

Women never tell you what they want.

You're supposed to know them well enough to know what they want.

They expect you to pay attention and show effort.

It's horrible and exhausting.

If I can't ask, how can I find out?

Oh, tiny, simple Jake.

They drop hints. You get clues, you listen.

That's how I knew to get Cheyenne a snowboard.

- She doesn't know how to snowboard. - That doesn't matter!

The other night, we were talkin' about fishing,

then one thing leads to another, the subject goes to snow.

Don't ask me how.

So for half an hour, we're talkin' about snow,

and then suddenly, Cheyenne says she's bored.

Snow. Board.

Bingo!

I got the idea for the perfect gift.

- Oh, hi, honey. - [Cheyenne] Hi.

How was your birthday-week shopping spree?

Frustrating.

Cheyenne won't tell me what she wants.

Oh, really?

We saw lots of great stuff.

- How about that snowboard? - No!

- [exclaims in disgust] - What?

[exclaims in disgust] That's, like, the worse present ever.

I hate snowboarding.

What I do want, though, is I want a girls' night out.

Just the ladies of the family, legally drinkin', talkin' about me.

Oh.

- You want girls' night out with your mom? - Mm-hmm.

None of my friends are old enough,

so it's just gonna be me, you and Barbra Jean.

Barbra Jean?

Can it be any Barbra Jean?

'Cause it can't be the Barbra Jean that your dad's married to.

I don't know what you are fighting about,

but you better get over it by this weekend.

It's my birthday! It's supposed to be a season of peace.

You know you weren't born in a manger, right?

It's too bad, Mom.

You know, I really did want Barbra Jean to be there.

But I know you'd do it if you could.

After all, you are my mommy.

You love me.

And I only turn 21 once.

[whirring]

[doorbell rings]

[whirring stops]

- Hey. - Oh, thought I heard someone.

- Guess it must have just been the wind. - Very cute.

Almost as cute as the message on your answering machine.

"Hi. If this is Reba, wait for the beep, then go jump in the creek."

Beep!

Barbra Jean, this thing's gotten way out of hand.

No, Reba. This is big. This isn't like our dispute

over the talents of Mr. Keanu Reeves.

So, unless you're here to say you're sorry, I don't wanna hear it.

- Look, I came over here to just say-- - I'm sorry?

- No, I was gonna say-- - Ooh, still not hearing "I'm sorry."

- Barbra Jean-- - Reba, this is serious.

You undermined my marriage. You had no right to butt in.

[scoffs] Wait. I undermined your marriage? I had no right to butt in?

- Yeah! And stop copying me! - Oh!

I had the decency to allow you into my life,

and this is how you treat me?

I didn't wanna be in your life!

Yeah, well, I'm mad about that, too!

- No. Wait just a second. - [whirring starts, stops]

- Oh! - [whirring starts, stops]

Ridiculous! Up until now, do you know what I've been to you?

- Oh, yeah! - A saint!

- You know what? - What?

You can kiss my ex-wife feet!

- Yeah. Oh, yeah. - I said feet, but you know what I mean.

- What are you and Mom fighting about now? - What are we fighting about?

Why don't you ask your father?

I'll tell you what they're fightin' about.

The same thing they're always fighting about...

Keanu Reeves.

That's right.

I think I'm just gonna go upstairs

and watch Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure.

It's excellent.

Gee, I love when something weird is going on

and everyone pretends it's fine.

There's nothing weird goin' on. It's fine.

All right, Kyra, wait.

Actually, there is something I want to talk to you about.

Here, why don't we... Why don't we sit down?

[sighs]

Boy, we don't do this very much.

Sit?

Talk.

I think this is why.

Kyra. Kyra, honey... Honey, wait.

You know, sometimes,

when we're struggling in life, we don't tell anyone.

I guess that's because we think it, uh,

makes us appear to be stronger.

Oh.

- I know what this is about, Dad. - You do?

Oh.

Wow, that's great. And I kept trying to figure out some way to bring it up.

- It's about Scott, isn't it? - Scott?

I guess I thought that if I pretended it doesn't hurt that he dumped me,

it wouldn't.

Scott dumped you?

I mean, I knew that you guys broke up. I just... [spluttering]

- You guys call it "being dumped"? - Yeah. We do.

I've just been so depressed.

Yeah. See, Kyra, here's the thing.

Boy, li...

Life can be hard.

That's why you have to keep your chin up, you know?

- Keep my chin up? - Yeah, right.

I mean, we... We all have to. We all have to.

You can't let it get you down. See? You gotta...

You gotta... be stronger than the nonsense that life throws at you.

Okay.

Well, there you go.

- Thanks a lot. - Anytime.

[exclaims in frustration]

- [slurping] - [laughing]

Wow! We finished that one fast.

[laughs]

You finished my birthday drink? I only had one sip.

Hey, bartender, can we get another one of these?

Twenty-one over here! That's me.

I was... I was drinking a little bit more because you need to take it slow.

- This is your first time drinkin'. - Yeah, right, Mom.

Like I've never--

- You're right. I should take it slow. - Yeah.

- Thank you! [chuckles] - Ooh! Thanks.

- Mm! - Oh, this is fun!

Girls' night out is really a lot of fun with just two girls.

Of course, if Barbra Jean was here, it would be two girls and a horse's butt!

[laughs]

Mom, that is the third time you've talked about Barbra Jean.

If you're upset about your fight, we can talk about it.

No, no. It's your birthday. The only thing I wanna talk about is you.

- Okay. - Okay.

Why don't you tell me how cute I was when I was born?

- Mm! - That would be so much fun.

You were so cute.

- Mm-hmm. - [giggles] You know what's not cute?

A horse's butt.

[laughing]

You're talking about Barbra Jean again.

See? She's not even here, and she's still buttin' in.

Surprise! Happy birthday!

Huh? Is this the best birthday present ever, or what?

- Come on. Give Papa some sugar. - Oh, surely.

Just come over here in private.

What were you thinking?

Now Mom and Barbra Jean are gonna fight,

and they're going to ruin Cheyenne-a-palooza

For everyone!

What was I thinking? What was I thinking?

What does this crazy lady want for her birthday?

If I get rid of Barbra Jean, does that count as my present?

- No. - [yelps, squeals]

Thank you.

Okay, fine.

Fine! I will get you whatever you want,

as long as you tell me specifically, or you get nothing.

So, what do you want?

Are you 21?

I wish. I could use another drink by now.

Let's go.

No, no, no. What do you want?

- Cheyenne? - Yes?

I would love to stay and celebrate your birthday,

but if this is awkward, I'll go.

Oh, no, no, no. I'll go.

As soon as the earthquake stops.

Neither of you two are going anywhere.

You are gonna both sit down,

and we are gonna celebrate my birthday like adults.

Cherry's mine.

Well, Reba, are you willing to at least apologize

for the sake of Cheyenne's birthday?

Is that a no?

Tell you what.

I'll apologize to you for everything I've done,

and then you can apologize to me for everything you've done.

I'll start.

I'm sorry I was ever nice to you.

Okay, here's one.

I'm sorry I thought you were my friend.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I'm sorry you thought I was ever your friend,

and for that cross-stitched pillow thingy

that you made me that says, "Barbra Jean's friend."

[scoffs] I'm sorry that I thought you, of all people, would understand

that when a marriage goes through a rough spot, it needs support.

Instead, you stabbed my marriage in the back!

- What? - [people gasping]

- Yeah. Yeah. - Oh, don't you boo me!

She had an affair with my husband!

[people gasping]

I didn't take her husband!

He came runnin'!

[people gasping]

Okay, fine! Are you happy?

You just ruined Cheyenne's birthday!

I didn't do anything.

- [people gasping] - Oh, don't you nudge me!

- Well, then you stop nudging me! - Ow!

Hey, hey, hey!

No nudging on my birthday.

- You stay out of this. - [both gasp]

- She nudged me! - Don't touch my daughter! I'll just--

[grunting]

Hey! Hey! Hey!

That's it. That's it.

If you're gonna fight, take it outside.

Oh, so, suddenly everybody in a bar has to get along?

When did they make up that rule?

Hey, Mr. H.

Kids are in their pajamas watching a video.

- Everything go okay at the bar? - No.

And I don't wanna talk about it.

So, listen, Van. I want your advice about something.

And, you know, it actually helps that you're not one of my biological kids.

That's so cool that you think of me as not one of your kids.

Yeah. Well, I'm trying to figure out the best way

to tell Kyra that I'm seeing a therapist.

A therapist?

You mean like, "Cuckoo, cuckoo"?

Well, obviously, you've read up on it.

Yes. I've been diagnosed with depression. I'm taking antidepressants.

Oh.

- [spluttering] What's that? - What's that...

- Van-- - That's right. It's me, Van, your friend.

[door opens]

- Hey. Is Mom here? - No, she's still out with Cheyenne.

No, but it's okay. So... [spluttering]

No one should get sad about that.

I'll just come back later.

- No, don't go! - Why?

Stay! Stay. Why? I don't know.

Just... Just hang out.

For heaven's sake, be upbeat. [chuckles]

What did you have for dinner, Van? Lunatic pills?

Not funny. [whispering] Not funny one bit.

She didn't mean it.

Okay, Van. Well, thanks for your help.

I'm going to talk to Kyra.

So, could you give us a moment?

Sure.

Maybe I should take your belt and your shoelaces.

Get out!

Trying desperately to make sense of that little scene, but...

nope.

Okay, look. I'm just gonna say this.

I've been seeing a therapist for depression.

Oh.

Yeah. That's what I was trying to tell you earlier.

But then we got off on that whole Scott thing,

and I just figured you wanted to talk about that.

Yeah. I did.

So that's why I didn't bring it up then.

'Cause it would've gotten in the way of that "keep your chin up" thing.

Well... [sighs] No.

It didn't seem like it was the right time to start talking about my problems.

Well, Dad, maybe it would have been the exact right time to do it.

You kind of have this whole "pillar of strength" thing

that isn't always so helpful all the time.

I thought that, you know, worked for me.

No.

I kinda like the idea that you're a human being with feelings.

Well, I guess I could work on that then.

- Cool. - Cool. Hey.

Why do they keep these in the kitchen?

- [muffled rock music playing] - Well, this is fun.

Hey, for my birthday,

let's go stand outside a water park.

If anybody has a right to be mad here, it's me.

You promised you were never gonna speak to me again. I was countin' on that.

I shouldn't be talking to you.

I had talked Brock out of taking those pills.

He was cured.

And then along comes "Just-Say-Yes-Reba,"

and he can't spin the childproof cap fast enough!

Why is Brock being happy such a threat to you?

Because this is the first time

he had to go outside our marriage to be happy.

Reba, I'm in a lose-lose situation.

If the pills work,

I'm not the reason he's happy.

And if they don't work, he's just gonna keep lookin'.

Oh, no! No!

You're not gonna drag me back into makin' me feel sorry for you.

We had a big fight!

We're supposed to be out of each other's lives!

You know, that was the worst part of all of this.

When I was angry at you for supporting Brock, I had no one to go to.

Do you have any idea how devastating it is

to feel like I'm losing my husband and his ex-wife?

- [sniffles] - Dang it.

You're doin' it again. Come here.

So does this mean that you don't hate me?

Yeah, but I don't know why. You did me wrong!

I should have hated you when I had the chance, but I blew it.

Then I got to know ya, got to know the kind of person you are.

The kind that writes "Love, Barbra Jean" on a goodbye card.

"Welcome back, buddy."

I can't believe we got so drunk.

You know what I think, Van?

I think there was more than just fruit in those drinks.

[laughing]

Well, there's a lot more than fruit all over the backseat of your mom's car.

All right, honey. Now, I got you some aspirin and some water,

and there's a barf bag under your pillow.

Okay.

Don't you just love my birthday, Van?

[laughing]

No!

It's horrible and exhausting.

Cheyenne, what do you want for your birthday?

[Van] A snowboard.

[Reba laughing]

[closing theme music playing]