Original subtitles

[sighs]

[exhales in delight]

[exhales in delight]

I love you, Rhonda.

[Cheyenne] Van!

[door opens]

Ah, good morning, Van.

[whispering] Hey, Mrs. H,

if Cheyenne asks, I was not out driving my new sports car.

She hates her.

- [Cheyenne] Van? - [whimpering]

Hey, Mom, have you seen--

Van. Where have you been?

Here. The whole time. Reading.

- [Cheyenne] Wh-- - Yeah.

The caterpillar turns into a butterfly?

I did not see that coming!

Hey, Van, is that the book where the caterpillar drives his fancy Mustang?

- I knew it! - Mrs. H!

Van, you have to choose.

It's me or Rhonda.

- Rhonda? - Oh. Van named his car "Rhonda."

You ever met a Rhonda that wasn't after your man, Mom?

Nope.

And the worst part is, he won't even let me drive it.

Her. Drive her.

And now we have to go pick up Elizabeth, and since Rhonda

doesn't have backseat belts, we have to borrow your car, again.

Oh, no. Not again. You guys never fill it up.

And the other day, there was a taco underneath my seat.

That doesn't make it yours.

Van, we are parents now. We should have a car like Mom's

that's practical and boring and responsible and beige.

- Uh-uh-uh. Harvest gold. - Harvest beige.

It's true, Mrs. H. Your car is a dull, beige...

yawn-mobile, but we need to borrow it.

Okay, fine. Take my beige, boring car.

It might not be hot and sexy,

but, by golly, you can put three bags of fertilizer in the trunk.

[slurping]

That's real pretty, Jake. By the way, chicks love that.

- Hey, Mom? - Hey.

I need a ride to basketball practice.

Jake! Van and Cheyenne just took my car. You gotta tell me these things.

Okay.

Mom, I need a ride to basketball practice.

Well, just take Van's car. It's right outside.

Ha-ha, I don't think Van wants anybody drivin' his car.

- Did he specifically tell you not to? - No.

Then it's not a rule. Just like you never specifically told him

he can't eat peanut butter straight from the jar.

He uses a spoon, right?

He kinda makes one with his fingers.

No! Gross. Come on, Jake.

Soon as I drop you off, Rhonda and I are gonna go buy some peanut butter.

Who's Rhonda?

Guy with a family buys a silly car like this?

- I think it's cool. - It's not cool.

It's...

[engine roars]

[engine revs]

...not bad. [chuckles]

[chuckling]

[giggling]

[engine revving]

Hey there, cowboy.

I'm gonna name you "Ron."

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Hey, hey.

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

- Hey, Mom. - Hey.

So, Jake said you were driving really fast.

He thinks you're "cool."

[chuckles] Well...

I may have had to teach a punk in a Camaro

a little lesson when the light turned green.

Hey, Mom. Guess what?

We need to borrow your car again. Guess why?

Here are a few clues. Van, Rhonda... dumb move.

- No problem. Here you go. - All right.

We're family. And families share. I share my car with you,

and who knows, maybe Van, one day, will share his car with me.

[laughs] Apples and oranges.

So, when are we goin' for a ride?

[chuckles] Oh, no.

Sneaking Van's car is my thing.

Well, all right, but it would be a shame if Van found out somehow.

- You wouldn't. - Why not? I'm from a broken home.

Fine. But you gotta wear that.

A scarf? Mom, come on.

Oh, yeah. [laughs]

Rhonda has a dress code.

[indistinct chattering]

Oh! Well, wow. Look who's back. How'd it go?

I hate basketball. I had to guard a girl.

[chuckles] Yeah. Little Zoe Levin lit him up like a Christmas tree.

So, uh, what's with the getups?

- Well, it's uh-- - Mother-daughter day.

- Yeah. - Where, in the '50s?

No, uh--

At the scarf museum.

It... it's great if... if you're into scarves.

- I wanna go. - No! You don't.

Yeah, well, we better hurry. First hundred people get a new scarf.

[muttering]

But, Dad--

As long as you are my son,

you are not going to the scarf museum.

Jake's right. I am cool.

Did you see that guy's face? He didn't wanna race me.

It was a school bus, Mom.

I had a kid with me, too. It didn't make me a chicken.

Oh, wait a second. It was closer to the garage.

- Be careful, Mom. - Stop telling me to be careful.

Ooh!

Please tell me I hit you.

- How bad is it? - Oh, I don't think it even made a--

- Oh, good Lord! There it is. - Oh, no!

- What are we gonna do? -"We"?

We weren't driving. You were driving.

Oh, no. You were my accomplice.

When we were on the road, but when we're standing on the driveway,

I'm just an eyewitness. "She did it, Officer."

But you distracted me.

If you hadn't taken the trash out, those trash cans wouldn't have been there.

- You told me to. - And you did it? What's up with that?

Fine. Blame the teenage daughter.

No. [sighs]

I'm the adult. I was drivin'. I'll take responsibility.

Maybe you don't even have to tell Van.

Yes, I have to. It's the right thing to do.

Is it really? Uh, think about it, Mom.

Van loves that this car was in perfect condition.

And now that there's a scratch on it, that love will be tainted.

Tainted love. They've written songs about it.

Kyra, I've been stalling Van for an hour.

He wanted to go out to drive, but I told him he had to clean the attic.

- Have you found a body shop yet? - Yeah.

"Hank Bender, the auto mender. Guaranteed to fix your fender. In under an hour."

Which didn't rhyme, but it's good time.

He can have it done by 5:00.

Let's go.

Where's the keys?

Where's the car?

Well, wherever they are, I bet they're together.

If the car's not out there, then he must be out driving.

- I'm not out driving. - Van. Oh.

I thought you were up cleaning the attic.

Yeah, Mrs. H.

What's the rush with the attic all of a sudden?

Well, Van,

if... if the stuff that I stored away and forgot about is dirty,

then why would I bother keeping it?

[mouthing] What?

So, where's your car?

- Oh, I let Barbra Jean borrow it. - Barbra Jean?

I thought you had a rule nobody could drive your car?

Oh, there's no rule. You just need to sign the Rhonda pledge.

It's a simple six-page document.

And do you know why she signed it?

- Because she gets it. - Gets what?

About a week ago, Rhonda and I spotted each other

across a crowded used car lot

and made a very special connection.

And yet everybody has been really critical, especially you and Cheyenne.

Sorry. We didn't know Rhonda could hear.

Oh, we hear.

The comments, the looks of scorn...

We hear them, and they hurt.

You hear the looks of scorn?

I heard that one!

Van! Reba.

Van. Oh, thanks a million for lettin' me borrow Rhonda.

No thanks necessary, Barbra Jean. See page four of the pledge.

- Well, I'm gonna go for a spin. - Oh, wait!

Van, did you, um, vacuum the attic?

Mrs. H, did I vacuum the attic?

- Yeah. - [laughs] Did I vacuum the attic?

Oh, I put a huge scratch on Van's car.

- Where, back left? - Yeah. How'd you know?

- Lucky guess. - Oh.

Oh, Reba, why me? What have I done to deserve this?

It's almost like God is punishing you for stealing my mom's husband.

Kyra, I think we've moved past that.

Well, of course we have.

I mean, me taking Brock is...

is what brought us all together.

You know, it's what turned us into one big, happy family, right?

- Yeah, until you wrecked Van's car. - [whimpers]

Oh, gosh, Van is gonna lose it when he finds out I wrecked his car.

He really is. He gets that look where his two eyebrows merge together,

and he looks like that Muppet that lives in the trash can.

Barbra Jean, even though I know this is totally your fault,

I'm willing to help out.

Oh. Okay.

Now, go ask Van to borrow his car again.

We'll take it down to Hank Bender's auto shop, he can have it ready by 5:00.

How do you know that?

Well, it's Hank Bender. He's a legend. Go. And don't mention this to anybody.

- Not a word. - Great. Great.

I scratched Van's car!

You scratched Van's car?

Yeah. Oh, why did I sign that ever-lovin' pledge?

- Go ask Van for his car again. - Okay, okay. All right.

Do I look guilty?

- Not at all. - Good.

Good.

It was me. I scratched Van's car.

- Whoa. - What? You?

Yeah, I was walking by her, and she gave me one of those smug looks,

so I whacked her with my purse.

- On the back left? - Yeah. How'd you know?

Lucky guess.

Look, Mom, Van is gonna freak out on me.

Okay, it doesn't matter who scratched the car.

No matter who scratched the car, Barbra Jean scratched the car.

Okay. Okay, got it.

Oh, I can't face him.

Oh, my jaw hurts.

Stop grinning. Okay, look, we'll take it down to the body shop.

If Van comes down from the attic, distract him.

All right, but hurry. At some point, we're gonna run out of shiny objects.

You know, now that I look at it,

I don't see how that old lady could have put that scratch here.

- Oh, yeah. They're cagey. - Yeah.

Let's get out of here before Van--

- Hey. - [both yelp]

Oh, Van. [laughs nervously]

- Yeah, it's me, Van. - Oh. What are you doing?

Well, it's 2:15. Every, day at this time, I wipe her down with a chamois.

Sweet.

- What are you guys doin'? - Bird-watching.

Woodpecker. Nature's lumberjack.

Van, you need to go inside right now.

- Why? - Bird-watching.

Look, a squirrel.

Uh, Cheyenne's got a surprise for you inside.

- Really? - Yeah.

- Well, I love surprises. - I know.

Okay.

[kisses] Be back, honey.

- [exhales] - Nature's lumberjack?

I know. That's the beaver.

I panicked. [groans]

Hey, there you are.

So?

- So? - Well?

- Well? - Ah?

Ah?

I think the score is tied.

Should I keep my eyes closed?

- Um, yeah. - Okay.

- What? - [indistinct whispering]

[indistinct whispering continues]

Hold on, honey.

We told him you were gonna give him a surprise.

- But I don't have a surprise. - Make up something.

Ta-da!

Oh, my gosh!

Tissues?

- This is my big surprise? - [Cheyenne] Uh-huh.

Is there somethin' underneath there? There's somethin' under--

- It's for your car. - Yeah.

- [Reba] That's it. - Yeah, for your car.

Uh, remember the other day when we were driving,

and you... and you sneezed and you didn't have a tissue?

Ta-da!

- Yeah. It's a great gift. - Yeah.

You always see those people drivin', havin' nose trouble.

Yeah.

What a better world it would be

if everybody had a tissue when they needed it.

- [Cheyenne] Well, yeah. - Achoo!

Oh. Oh. Uh--

- Yay! - [chuckles]

- Hey, Van. Guess what I just saw? - Not now. Okay, buddy?

I'd be in a bad mood, too, if there was a huge scratch on my car.

What?

There's a huge scrape on you car.

Show me.

[door opens]

Hmm. Maybe he's okay with it.

- [Van screams] - Oh, dear God! Go!

- Get it! - All right.

- How could you? - [crying]

- You're the one who scratched his car? - [high-pitched] Yeah, I was.

Okay. All right. I have somethin' to say.

Kyra and I--

Went to the scarf museum,

which is not as exciting as it sounds.

Yeah, well, I was just about to say, that's the original paint job...

I know.

...which means...

that it's... old paint,

which can't be very expensive, so how's ten bucks?

Ten bucks? Ten bucks stinks!

Van, calm down. It's no big deal!

No big deal? Mrs. H, no big deal?

What if somebody borrowed your-- What is somethin' you love?

- Peanut butter. - Well, there you go.

What if somebody borrowed your peanut butter--

You threw me off by saying peanut butter.

And I know you know I use my fingers.

Ugh!

Van? Van, we will pay

whatever it takes to get your car fixed.

[Brock] Up to ten bucks.

Barbra Jean, who's gonna repair the scratch in my soul?

Because you put that scratch there.

And the worst part is you signed the Rhonda pledge!

I wanna hear it. Say it with me.

- I hereby-- - I hereby...

promise to, um, uphold sanctity--

- Say it! - I didn't read it!

I just skimmed it!

Well, you should never sign anything without reading it.

Van, stop torturing the woman.

- The truth is-- - It was me!

I scratched Rhonda, with my purse.

And I'm glad I did it.

- You did it? - Mm-hmm.

My own flesh and blood by marriage?

Yeah, and... and you were just gonna let me take the blame?

Oh, Rhonda was right about you.

Look, I was jealous, okay?

Van talks about this car like it is another woman.

Okay, it... it's driving me nuts. It's just a stupid car!

- [gasps] - Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Easy. Honey, that's the man's car you're talking about.

I shall never trust you or forgive you again.

- Shall? - [Van] Mm-hmm.

Shall? Since when do you say "shall," you big jerk?

All right. All right. Everybody just calm down. This has gone far enough.

I'm a jerk? I got a scratch on my car, and I'm a jerk?

Well, I think anybody who puts a scratch there with her purse, shall be a jerk.

- Stop saying shall! - Shall. Shall. Shall. Shall. Shall.

Who are you, Cheyenne? What else don't I know?

Oh, well, you obviously don't know that I won't take a backseat to your car.

That's very confusing.

- You know what I meant! - No, I don't!

- Oh, come on, Van. Lay off. - Your wife skimmed my pledge.

- Hey. - Six pages, single-spaced? Oh, come on!

Rhonda is tearing us apart!

[all clamoring]

[whistles] I did it.

I did it. I scratched your car.

Not you. Not you. Not you. Me.

- I don't believe you. - [sighs] I did, too!

I've been sneaking out your car. I've been lying to everybody.

I'm the bad one.

Kyra was there. Ask her.

Kyra, is it true?

It's true. And there is no scarf museum.

What?

And even if there was, no.

You know, when I stepped on the gas peddle and that engine roared,

it spoke to me.

It said, "Drive me, you sexy redhead."

It was you!

No way. She's too responsible.

That's why I did it!

You all see me as this responsible, sensible person

that would never do anything dangerous, wild or fun.

Well, guess what? I'm not beige.

There's a side of me that has a need for speed.

- Reba? - Oh, yeah.

A side of me that needs to burn rubber.

- You burned Rhonda's rubber? - Oh, yeah.

Yeah. You put that baby into gear,

crank up the stereo, forget all your troubles,

and show that punk in a Camaro a thing or two.

- Mom? - Reba?

I shall never look at you the same way again.

Van. Van. I'm sorry I dinged your car.

But I get it now.

Rhonda and me, well, we're just two bad girls lookin' for trouble.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go bake brownies for Jake's field trip.

Since when does Mom wear a scarf when she bakes?

Never.

- Where are my keys? - [engine starts]

Mrs. H, you have to sign the pledge!

Thelma, you're gonna need a Louise!

[closing theme music playing]