Original subtitles

[Jake] Mom, what do you want for Mother's Day?

Oh, honey, you don't have to get me anything.

But I love you, and I want to get you something really nice.

[laughs] Honey, that is so sweet.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe some flowers?

Great.

Where's your wallet?

It's up in my bedroom.

Jake, nothin' too nice. I'm broke.

Put my name on the card!

Hmm, well, what is this?

Why, it's a letter addressed to Van and Cheyenne Montgomery

from our bank.

Really? What does your piggy say?

Ah, same thing he always says, "Shut up, Kyra."

Oh, my gosh. Ah! This is so exciting.

We got our first interest payment on our savings account.

- Look, Mom. A dollar and 23 cents. - Ooh.

Whoa. I wouldn't have made fun of you if I'd known you were rich.

Opening this savings account was the smartest thing Van and I ever did.

Yeah, you-- Okay.

- That was very responsible, Cheyenne. - It was wicked responsible.

And next month, we are gonna get another payment of $1.23.

And the next month, and the next month, and the next thing you know--

- Old Jed's a millionaire. - [laughing]

- Well, I better get goin'. - What are you up to?

I'm having dinner with Scott and his parents.

It gives them a chance to stare awkwardly at me and not talk.

- Hey, Reba. - Hey.

Barbra Jean has some great news for you.

- I told her not to. She wouldn't listen. - What are you talkin' about?

Well, do you remember the other night when you said your love life was horrible?

- I never said my love life was horrible. - Well, believe me, it is.

Anyhoo, once again, I have come to your rescue.

Oh, no. Please tell me she's not comin' to my rescue.

She did. She set you up.

[sighs] Oh, Lordy, no.

Oh, Lordy, yes!

It's the man of your dreams,

the future Mr. Reba.

I told her this was a big mistake.

- [giggles] - Hello.

[B.J. squeals]

Not that big.

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Hey-hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Reba, Terry. Terry, Reba.

Terry goes to our church. Reba pretty much stays here.

Yeah, well, church is tomorrow. Tonight, you and I

are gonna worship at the church of boogie.

[laughs]

You can't stop him. He's like a windup toy.

So we gonna just all stand around, or are we gonna...

♪ Get down, get down ♪

[B.J.] Oh, look at that.

- Is there a third option? - [laughs]

Well, since we dropped him off, why don't we leave these two kids alone?

- Whoa-ho-ho, no. -"Whoa-ho-ho, no," is right.

It's not only the perfect date. It's a double date.

[chuckles]

Barbra Jean, can I see you in the kitchen for just a minute?

[B.J.] Oh!

- Your ex-wife is hot. - [chuckles]

You should see her from up here.

So that's my perfect date? I'd like to see the guys you eliminated.

Look, I know that Terry has his shortcomings...

Not on purpose. Swear.

But you two have a lot in common. You're both divorced.

Yeah, I was wonderin' where the other divorced person in the world was.

You're also both smart and funny and sweet.

He reminds me of you...

in a small man's body.

I don't wanna date me. I'm with me all the time.

My bad.

So it'll just be the one date, and then we'll just play it by ear.

No. No dates. No ears. No nothin'.

Reba, we can't just kick him out.

He's in a very vulnerable place right now.

I think his divorce was very painful.

We know what that's like.

And the pain just keeps on comin'.

Fine. I'll give him one hour. But these eight minutes count against it.

Sometimes, when I'm really bored,

I go into the big and tall store just to mess with their heads.

Sometimes, when I'm really bored.

Kinda like now.

- All right. Elizabeth is asleep. - Hey, Cheyenne.

- Hey. - Wait. You know her?

Yeah. Uh, Van was teaching him how to play football.

[laughs sarcastically] Well, how'd that go for ya?

Good, good, except he thought I was gay.

Get out.

Yeah. But it was all a big misunderstanding.

And then I thought he was tryin' to hit on me,

so I called him "Mary," and blah, blah, blah.

I'm sure you know the drill.

Sure, it's nothing you hadn't experienced before...

Betty.

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh, come on. Handsome guys like us are labeled all the time.

[scoffs]

- You got that right, buddy. - Mm-hmm.

- Hey, I got a surprise. - Oh, me, too.

- Hi! - [shrieks]

- Terry! - Did you miss me, Mary?

I'm not gay.

Okay, honey. We know. We know. We're just kidding.

- I know. - Ooh, fun.

- What's the big surprise all about? - Oh, it's outside.

- It's fabulous. Ge-- - Oh.

I mean, it's really cool.

Okay, keep your eyes closed.

- We're almost there. - Okay.

- Do me. You do me. - Hey!

What's the surprise?

Ta-da!

- What's this? - This is our new car.

Well, it's an old car, but it's our new old car.

- Please tell me you stole this. - No, no. I bought it.

Cheyenne, we've always dreamed of owning a sports car. You know what that means?

We can stop dreamin'.

Van, you bought it? But we just started putting money in our savings account.

Right. And what are we savin' for? To buy stuff we want.

Just think of this as us skippin' a step.

Wow. A '66 'Stang.

- '65. - [chuckles]

I think I know a little bit about cars,

and this, my friend, is a 1966.

It has a 289, not a 260.

The grille is honeycombed, not multi-barred,

and I'll bet, if you pop that hood,

you're gonna find an alternator,

not a direct-current generator.

[honks horn]

Horn works.

So, all by yourself, you decided to just buy a car.

Oh, it was magic, Cheyenne.

I was on the bus comin' back from practice,

and I looked out the window, and I saw this car.

It said, "You don't belong on a bus, cowboy."

I looked around. There was no cowboy on the bus.

It was talkin' to me!

Really? And while you were having this conversation

with your new little friend, did... did he bother asking you

how you can make a decision like this without talking to your wife first?

I mean, Van, how could you spend all of this money

without asking me if it was okay?

Well, Cheyenne, I don't need to ask your permission.

[scoffs]

I'm gonna miss you, Mary.

Cheyenne, I'm sorry I bought the car. I feel horrible...

till I get behind the wheel and hit the gas. [squeals]

He bought a car?

Yeah, a Mustang from 1960...

ish.

Boy, I'm glad y'all are back.

For a while there, I thought I was on a date with Betty.

[laughs]

Mm, he just calls me that 'cause he thinks I'm handsome.

Oh.

Well, you can't actually call this a date,

because we're not goin' out.

Yeah. Right.

But as long as you're here,

I guess we can spend the next 52 minutes together.

He shoots. He scores.

He dreams.

So, Terry, tell me a little bit about yourself.

Well, what can I say, darlin'? I'm a tomcat on the prowl.

[laughs, hisses]

Really? And that pays well?

See, this is what I was hopin' for.

You could run a waffle iron on the electricity in this room.

[B.J. chuckles]

Boy, maybe should go tell the kids they're about to get a new stepdaddy.

Honey, shh. Let Reba and Terry talk.

Well, I'm not all talk. Huh.

Oh, I could use a waffle iron about right now.

I've been workin' in a dental office for the last year.

Really? That is just fascinatin'.

Well, it's really not all that fascinating. [chuckles]

Well, it is the way you tell it.

Here, let me get you a coaster.

There ya go.

You do realize that these are my legs and those are your legs.

Yeah, but my legs don't turn me on.

[yelps] Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

Ah, yeah. Whoo-hoo. This has been fun.

My gosh, that hour has just gone by just like that.

- What are you doin', Reba? - [sighs] I can't do this.

I'm sorry, Terry, but I'm not interested in you romantically.

I'm just not. I'm sorry.

Oh, this is so awkward.

It's all my fault.

- I came on too strong. - No, no.

- Yes, yes. - Bye-bye.

I'm... I'm so ashamed.

Thi... This isn't me.

- It's not? - No.

My wife dumped me for a guy that acts like this.

- I thought that's what women want. - Oh.

I've been actin' like a pig, Reba. I... I apologize.

Oh, that's okay. Sorry to hear about your wife.

Oh, I got dumped for some big, blond goofball.

Hey, me, too.

Really?

Oh-ho, man, the stories I could tell you.

We've already heard those stories, Reba.

No, no, no. I wanna... I wanna hear how you got through this.

Hey, uh, what's the worst thing your ex ever did?

Would you settle for the top three?

Well, I think we've made Reba uncomfortable enough for one night.

We should go.

What, and wreck our fun? Park it.

Yeah. It's the least you could do for leavin' this peach of a woman.

[laughs] Do you hear that, Brock?

Terry here thinks I'm a peach.

You know, I prefer to focus on the positive.

You get the bed all to yourself, you don't have to share a closet,

and the best part of it is, they just ain't there.

[both laughing]

Gosh, you make it sound so good. [chuckles]

I can't wait till I get divorced. [chuckles]

- Barbra Jean-- - I'm just tryin' to fit in.

- Don't wreck this for me. - Oh, my God.

Do you know that when my ex-wife left me,

she said she wanted to go find herself.

I didn't have the heart to tell her she ain't worth lookin' for.

[B.J. laughs]

Oh, boy! It feels good to let loose.

- [laughs] - I Jazzercise. [laughs]

Can you believe they ran off to Spain?

Their note said they were never comin' back.

You know, I bet you guys would love Europe.

[Terry laughing]

Oh, uh, speaking of Europe,

Brock recently quit his dental practice to pursue other interests.

- What-- - Yeah, why don't we talk about that?

What are you gonna do?

Uh, play golf... pro golf.

Mm. Yeah. I was talkin' to a young man down the street.

He was doin' a similar thing.

Oh, yeah? How's that?

Well, he wanted to be a baseball player,

but now he wants to be a spaceman.

[both laugh]

- [laughing loudly] - [Brock] Mm.

- Who wants scotch? - Yes.

He probably drinks to get rid of the guilt of leavin' you for this one.

[cackling]

[inhales] Ya little hobbit. [laughs]

You know,

I think if I hit him really hard on top of his head once,

I could drive him all the way into the ground.

- What's up? - Ah, nothin'.

I just eat whenever Cheyenne gets mad at me.

Whoa, pal. That's a bad habit to get into.

[quietly] Yeah.

I just don't see what the big deal is.

It's a cool car. I got a great deal. I even had a mechanic check it out.

I did everything right except check with her first.

You did nothing right.

I was buyin' a belt the other day?

I called Barbra Jean and Reba.

Well, I make the money.

I shouldn't have to check with my wife every time I wanna spend it.

I mean, it just doesn't seem fair.

Look, Van, brace yourself,

but once you're married, it's not just your money.

But the check was made out to me.

Yeah, and when Cheyenne becomes a dentist, the check will be made out to her,

but the money will belong to both of you.

And she'll check with me before she spends it?

No.

I hate this. We... We never used to fight about money.

Well, that's because you never had any.

And now that you do,

you gotta figure out some system to deal with it.

- System? Really? What's yours? - I... hide the checkbook.

So do you think I should get rid of the car?

Well, if it were me, I'd...

I'd offer to sell it and then pretend that nobody wanted to buy it.

Ah, Ah, Ah. But... that's probably why I ended up divorced.

[door closes]

Well, I see it is still out in the driveway.

Look, Cheyenne, honey, I don't... I don't...

I don't wanna fight about...

who was right and you were wrong.

Um, now that we have money,

we need to figure out some sort of system to deal with it.

Okay, how about this? Since I'm the one that buys everything for the family,

I should be in charge of the money.

Well, you're not in charge of buying everything.

Okay, Van.

What size shoe does Elizabeth wear?

[scoffs]

It's, like...

small.

- Ha! - You know what? That's not fair.

- What size shoe do I wear? - Twelve.

Well, yeah. You're right. But they're snug.

Look, Cheyenne, I don't want to have to come to you

every time I want to spend money.

I'm an impulse buyer. I won't get to buy anything.

Fine. Okay, how about this?

Each of us can spend up to $100 without asking the other person.

Anything over that, we have to agree upon.

- Good. - Okay.

My car will count as the first 17 times.

- Van. - But come on, Cheyenne.

I really want to keep it.

But I really want to put money into our savings account.

Yeah, but a savings account doesn't go "vroom, vroom."

Yeah, but it does go, "You're safe."

- Is that what this is about? - Yes.

Ever since I got pregnant, things have felt so out of control.

You know, if it hadn't been for my mom, I don't know what we would have done.

And now when... when I look at our savings account,

it's like I know that we're gonna be okay.

I... I have not felt that way in a really long time.

Oh, Cheyenne.

Okay. The next paycheck I get goes straight to the bank.

- Really? - Yes.

- Okay. - Minus the car payment?

[short gasp]

Well, I guess I should ride in it before I make my decision.

Yes! We're keepin' it! Oh.

Man, life was so much simpler when we were poor.

Oh, yeah. Your mom has no idea how lucky she is.

And then, the next thing you know, she's havin' his baby.

[laughs] That's a true story.

Barbra Jean? You didn't tell me any of this.

Whoo! The tongues are gonna be waggin' in church on Sunday.

Uh, goody. [chuckles]

Yeah, I might not be there.

Well, look at that. It's already...

Heh. Well, I don't have a watch on,

but my wrist hairs are standin' up, which means it's time to go.

Thanks, Reba.

Oh, and, uh, you're out of scotch.

All right. All right. All right, Terry. Come on. [snaps fingers]

- Come on. It's time to go. - No, I wanna stay.

Oh, no, no, no. No. No. No.

No. I really think... I really think that we should go.

- I'm having a good ti-- - I will shove you in my purse!

Barbra Jean, can I talk to you outside for a second?

Yeah. Get your shoes on.

Barbra Jean, why are you so tense?

I thought you wanted Terry and me to get along.

Yeah, but not to be, like, best friends.

I mean, you never sit around with me and joke about your divorce.

Yeah, but we joke about a lot of other things,

like that guy you married.

What I mean is,

you've opened up to Terry more in the past hour

than you have with me in our entire relationship.

Which has made me realize that we'll never be as close as I hoped.

Yeah, well...

We will never be great friends, will we?

Oh, not if you keep whinin' about it.

Look, I don't know what's gonna happen to us,

but I do know that I used to hate you.

- Now you only kinda bug me. - [softly] Yeah?

Who knows? Two years from now, I might not hide every time you come over.

But am I special to you?

- Special? - [softly] Uh-huh.

Well, let's put it this way.

There are a lot of divorced people that I could joke around with,

but you are the only person who can be the other woman.

Aw.

Well, that is somethin' I gotta write in my Reba journal.

- I got my shoes on. - Get in the car.

- [softly] Good night, Reba. - Good night, Terry.

You know, you and I have a really weird relationship, don't we?

Well, I could use that waffle iron right about now.

[closing theme music playing]