Original subtitles

[exhales]

When is Cheyenne gonna get home?

I'm dying to know how she did on the test.

I need to wash these windows.

Mom, don't get your hopes up.

Cheyenne's taking a college exam, not just guessing which hand the candy is in.

Besides, what's the big deal if she fails?

Maybe she's not cut out to be a dentist.

I'll tell you what the big deal is.

No matter how old you kids are, I still want to protect ya.

Shoot, if I thought you could still breathe, I'd bubble-wrap ya.

Have you heard from Cheyenne?

Do I look like I've heard from Cheyenne?

If I had, I'd go "Aw" or "Whee!" Not "Uh!"

I have been sending Cheyenne good thoughts all day.

- Oh, good. - For her and Sting.

I love Sting.

Barbra Jean, guess which hand.

Oh, I'm not gonna fall for that. You never have any candy.

- [mouthing] Left. - Left.

Where is she? This can't be good.

Reba, relax. I'm sure she did just fine.

And so what if she didn't?

Heck, I flunked my first three premed exams

and barely squeaked by on my fourth.

You must be so proud.

Now, Brock, Cheyenne's taking a big risk here.

She's pinned all her hopes on this dream of being a dentist.

I remember how crushed I was when I wasn't perky enough for The Price Is Right.

[scoffs]

Someday, Bob Barker.

This is so nerve-racking.

I mean, I let my little birdie leave the nest,

and now she's out there flying around in a world full of plate glass windows.

Here she comes.

Hey, little birdie. How'd it go?

[crying]

- Oh, honey! - [B.J.] Oh, Cheyenne!

- [sobbing] - Oh, you know what?

I squeaked by on my fourth try, and I'm sure you will, too.

- Gotcha! I got a B-plus! - Wha--

A B-plus! That is a "B" with a plus after it.

Almost an "A."

Oh-ho-ho! For real?

- For real! - All right!

All right!

Well-- [scoffs] I'm--

I'm not--

- Yeah. - Yeah.

Oh! I've never taken a test where I knew so many of the answers!

I've got to think it was the studying.

We have to celebrate. I am taking everybody out to dinner.

- I'm even springing for lobster. - [gasps]

- But only for Cheyenne. - [Cheyenne giggles]

Honey, I am so proud of you.

You picked a really tough career, and so far you're doing great.

Thank you, but you deserve a lot of the credit, Mom.

Even though I said, at first, you shouldn't do it?

Yeah. Because it was like once you did believe in me, I knew I could do it.

Gee, I'm pretty sure I believed in you right from the beginning.

[laughs] I'm pretty sure we're not talkin' about you.

I believed in you.

I believe you can do anything you set your mind to.

You and Sting.

I have to say, it seems like you two are really growing up

and making some solid decisions.

[Van laughing]

Guess what everybody?

I'm quittin' school!

I want you to divorce him.

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Hey-hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

- Did you say you're quittin' school? - Yep.

Go get me a switch.

Mrs. H, I'm not quitting just to do nothing.

I got a tryout with arena football.

Oh, my gosh! I'm going to be a dentist...

Uh-huh.

...and you're going to be a pro football player?

We're gonna be a power couple, honey.

[both laugh]

Van, that is so awesome! Excuse me, honey.

This could be your stepping stone to the NFL.

And I want you to remember, I've always believed in you,

and your ability to get me seats on the 50-yard line!

Hey!

But, Van, you're already playing college football.

Yeah, I know. I know. But the scout says I'm practically a lock.

And get this, I could make 60 Gs a year!

- $60,000? - Yeah!

[laughs hysterically]

We're gonna be rich!

Hey, 50-yard-line seats, and... and a parking pass! Am I right?

60,000 bones a year to do what you love?

Okay, this just in... Van's made it!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

I'm sorry. I just don't think it's a good idea.

- Oh, man. - Oh.

So, are you saying I shouldn't do it?

No, I just think it's a bad idea.

But you do what you think's best.

So who wants pie?

Gee! Man, that is not fair!

She can't say it's a bad idea and then offer me pie!

I love pie!

Hey, honey, I made some coffee. You want some?

I don't know.

If it's free, I'll take some.

It's about all we can afford, now that we're not rich.

I told Van it was his decision.

That's a big step for me.

Mom, he's not gonna try out because he knows you think it's a bad idea.

Well, that's another thing you can thank me for one day.

And what a busy day that's gonna be.

Okay, I'm off to school.

Another day, another zero dollars.

I hate to sound preachy, but, stay in school. Don't do drugs.

All I'm sayin' is colleges are full of people

who thought college was gonna get 'em somewhere, and where are they?

In college.

Think about it.

Mom, this isn't like all of our other decisions.

Van really thought this one out.

Oh, I'm sure he's got 60,000 reasons.

He just cares about the blink, blink.

It's "bling, bling," Mom.

Blink, blink is what I do when Dad tells another one of his golf stories.

Whatever.

I just don't think Van realizes what he's givin' up.

Honestly, Mom, Van's not that into school.

You know, he's only there to play football.

Okay, what if he gets hurt? He's not gonna have an education to fall back on.

Mom, even if Van plays for just one year, it would give us enough money

that he could to go back to school anytime he wanted to.

And it would pay for my dental school,

and we could start a college fund for Elizabeth.

Okay.

I'm gonna need a little time to find the flaws in this argument.

So, until then, let's just slide them aside and pretend they don't count.

Anything else?

Mom, I think Van and I are finally putting things together.

If you look past the whole teen pregnancy thing,

we've made a lot of really good choices.

Okay, fine. But if I find out

that Kyra taught you how to argue with me, you're all in trouble.

[drops spoon]

Van, would you come in here, please?

Did you call me? 'Cause I was thinking about getting a haircut.

You might want to kill that dream.

Listen, I realize that I might've been a little quick to judge.

So if you really want to try out for the arena football,

you have my blessings.

- Mm-hmm. - What's your game, lady?

No game. Cheyenne just convinced me that there's another way of looking at this,

and maybe I was looking at it in a negative way.

But it's just that I was trying to protect you guys.

So you still think it's a bad idea.

Who knows? Maybe it's a great start for you in a great career.

I mean, it could go from arena football to the NFL.

And you could take the Cowboys to the Super Bowl.

I mean, this tryout could set you up for the rest of your life.

You really think I could do it?

I really do.

Well, thanks, Mrs. H. You have no idea what this means to me.

I'm gonna go get started on the rest of my life!

- Charge. - [giggles]

- Okay, Mom, I'm heading home. - And I'll be at Tommy's.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Did you finish your homework?

Nope. And I'm never doing homework again.

Kyra said I can drop out of school like Van.

Kyra.

Well, he's going to eventually.

I mean, you've talked to the boy. Don't you think he's peaked?

Jake, go upstairs. Kyra will help you with your homework.

[both] Oh, man.

Well, we'll start with subtraction. What is my life minus two hours?

You know, I taught her how to read, too.

You know what I taught you? Shut up, Kyra! [chuckles]

- Have you heard from Van? - No, but I know he's gonna make the team.

Last night, we had one of our good luck fights.

For a couple of minutes, I couldn't even stand him. [giggles]

You're an odd young couple.

[sighs] Mom, he has got to make the team.

I've already imagined how awesome our lives will be.

I can't go back to how it was before.

- You mean this morning? - Yeah.

- Hey, has-- - He's not back yet.

Oh, good. We wanted to be here for the good news.

[Cheyenne] Yeah.

Remember, everybody, this is a big moment in Van's life.

Of course, that doesn't mean we can't horn in on it.

Yeah.

- [Brock] Hey. Hey! - Oh, hi!

Honey, how did it go?

I can tell you how it went, or you can read about it in Van Stinks magazine.

Well, at least you got your own magazine.

Wait a minute.

You're doin' the same thing that Cheyenne did to us.

- Come on. Come on. Say it. Gotcha! - Oh.

[Reba] I made it! Come on.

- You dog! - Yeah.

Go on and yell it, Van. Yell, "Gotcha!"

- Honey? - Van?

Gotcha?

I'm... I'm gonna be upstairs

takin' a long look in the mirror...

at myself.

He just won't quit! I know he's messing with us.

No, he's not. Who wants pie?

- [sighs] - Hey, honey.

- How's Van? Any better? - No.

He just keeps staring in the mirror.

At himself.

You know, I don't get it.

Trust me, Van is good enough to make that team.

- He's fantastic under pressure. - Did he say what happened?

He just said he keeps on thinkin' about what Mom said.

You know, how this was his big chance.

Oh, Reba.

You sent Van off thinking?

Thinking is highly overrated.

Yeah, well, now it all makes sense.

You know, an athlete can't be thinking. He's got to go on instinct.

It's like golf.

You know, the other day, I was on this par five, okay?

Second shot, 240 yards over water to the green,

and I kept thinking that my 5-wood wasn't gonna be enough,

and sure enough, I hit it right in the water.

Double bogey. [exclaims]

What's your point, Brock?

No point, Reba. Can't I just get a bad day off my chest?

Well, I feel awful. I didn't mean to put pressure on Van.

I was trying to be supportive!

I mean, it worked when I did it with Cheyenne's test.

You know what?

Now that I think about it, I did feel a little more nervous.

Who knows?

You might have cost me an "A."

Why don't we just get Van another tryout?

We can tell the coach he just cracked under pressure.

Sure. Coaches love that in a player,

right after "slow" and "throws like a girl."

Is there any reason someone could get another tryout?

I don't know. Maybe.

- I guess if they were sick or something. - Then he's sick.

Ooh! Broken leg.

Barbra Jean, the coach saw him.

If he'd broken his leg, he'd be wearin' a cast.

Right. No cast.

Oh, I got it!

Nope. Then he'd be in a wheelchair.

I'll think of somethin' on my way over there.

Wait a minute. Why are you going? Shouldn't Van go?

Van go.

Van Gogh! Tell the coach he cut his ear off.

[man] Come in.

Hi, there. I'm Reba Hart.

If you're here for the cheerleader tryouts, you're hired.

[laughs]

I've never been a cheerleader.

Oh, anyway, I'm lookin' for the coach who held the football tryouts this afternoon.

- That would be me. - Oh!

- Coach Class. - Nice to meet you.

I want to talk to you about my son-in-law who tried out today but didn't make it.

- Oh, please, don't be one of those! - One of those what?

One of those mothers or fathers or whoever

who call me when somebody doesn't make the team.

Nobody believes their all-star just isn't good enough.

- Oh, that must be terrible. - Mm-hmm.

- But in my case, it's true. - Oh.

Why is that? Because your family's perfect?

And nobody could possibly fail?

"Bobby was nervous. Bobby was sick."

Well, you know what? Sometimes Bobby just stinks!

Well, he doesn't stink.

And he probably plays better than anybody else on your stinkin' team.

Sure, he does. What would a football coach know about a good player?

You know what they say. If you want to know if a guy can play,

ask his mother-in-law!

[scoffs] You know what?

I'm glad Van didn't make the team.

Because that would mean I'd have to see

an arrogant, judgmental Coach "Low Class" like you again!

Van? Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- You're Van Montgomery's mother-in-law? - Yeah!

He didn't show up for his tryout.

He-- He what?

I figured he was sick or something,

until you came down here and started screaming at me.

[sighs nervously]

- Gotcha! [laughs] - What?

Oh, you thought I was all rude and crazy for real? Naw.

[laughs] I was just kidding around.

Uh, no, no!

I-- I just came down here to reschedule the tryout

'cause of, uh...

'cause of what you said, that he was sick and all.

What happened to him?

Oh, well, uh, the doctor thought

he might have had a broken leg or... or cut off his ear,

but he's played through worse.

Okay. Look, I'd be happy to give him another tryout.

- We've heard good things about him. - Oh, great.

- Okay. Thank you very much. - You're welcome.

- Yeah, yeah. Bye. - Hey.

You sure you're not a cheerleader?

[chuckles]

Would you stop?

[sighs]

What is it, hon?

Because, for the tenth time,

if something's bothering you, I'd be glad to talk.

No, no. I'm okay.

- I think I'm getting over it. - All right.

[sighs]

Hey, Van. Cheyenne.

- Hey, Mrs. H. - Where were you?

Oh, I was down visiting with Coach Class.

I gotta go.

Get back here.

- What's going on? - Van didn't go to the tryout.

Van, is that true?

Maybe. Heh.

- Maybe? - Yeah.

You mean, you... you lied to us,

made us feel terrible for you, and you didn't even go?

I know. I know! If I were a guy like me, I'd hate myself.

And I am. So I do!

So why didn't you go to the tryout?

Trust me, that coach has great taste. [chuckles]

I couldn't take the pressure.

- If you didn't make it? - No, if I did.

You said this would set us up for life. Life!

- Van, I was being encouraging. - You were being terrifying!

Suddenly, it hit me. If I made the team, I'd have a career.

Do you know what that would make me? An adult.

Van, were you in the room for the part where your wife had a baby?

Listen. I know we're parents, but still, we didn't have to grow up so fast.

You were always more parenty-- Parent... ish?

Parentileous?

If I have a career, then we have to go out on our own.

[splutters] And if I blow it, then my entire family suffers.

Mrs. H...

[sighs] ...I don't think I'm ready to be the man of the house.

I like it when you're the man of the house.

So you want me to cook and clean

and take care of you for the rest of your life.

And I'd be very grateful.

Van, you're using me as your crutch! Now this has got to stop!

Well, what do you mean? You can't take away a man's crutch.

You have to make your own decisions without my opinion.

And if you fail, you fail.

You deal with it!

Now I got you another tryout, and whether you use it or not, that's up to you.

Wait, wait. You asked the coach to give me another--

Oh, man! Now he's gonna think I'm some mama's boy-- in-law.

No comment.

Fly away, little birdies. Good luck, world.

[groans]

So I guess you're mad at me, too.

What? That you're... you're scared of growing up?

Uh, I know the feeling.

Van, you're not alone out there, okay?

Whatever happens, happens to us.

You know, we're a team.

And I got news for you. You do not have to be the man of the house.

We both will be.

We succeed together, and we fail together.

- You mean it? - Yeah.

[sighs] So do we think I should try out for the team?

Yeah, we do.

Okay. And, hey, if I don't make the team, it doesn't matter,

'cause you're still gonna become a dentist.

- Trying to put all the pressure on me? - No.

- Just make the team. - Okay.

And just think of it this way. If everything else goes wrong,

we can always live with Mom for the rest of our lives.

[Reba groans]

[sighs loudly]

Cheyenne, if you're nervous about Van's tryout, I'd be more than happy to talk.

No, no, it's okay. I'm fine.

I'm not really "nervous" nervous anyway, you know.

I'm just more like, "Hmm, I wonder if he made it" nervous.

[chuckles, sighs] Oh.

Hey.

- Well? - Yeah, well?

I made it!

[screams] Oh, Van!

- [Van] My arm! - [groans]

[closing theme music playing]