Original subtitles

[man on tv] Kitchen and small bedroom and bath... We've got it...

- Hey, I'm home! - [tv playing in background]

Why do I always think that's gonna be big news?

Jake, what'd I tell you about vegging in front of the TV?

It's an educational show.

Jake, you're nine.

You're not gonna buy real estate with no money down.

Now, shut it off.

Man, it's like you don't want me to get rich.

What am I supposed to do now?

Did you ask the neighbors about signin' up for your school's 5K run?

No one's gonna wanna run in a race.

- Races are dumb. - No, they're not.

Your Dad and I used to run 5Ks all the time.

- They're fun and exciting. - Mom, running isn't fun.

It's what you do to get away from girls.

- Hey, Mom. How was your day? - Oh!

Busier than a woodpecker in a lumberyard.

Cool. What's for dinner?

Cheyenne, I just walked in the door.

And she asked you what's for dinner. What's with the recap?

- Okay. - I already have a job.

And I'm sick of my second one being your chef, cook, maid and chauffeur.

It would be nice if I had some time to do somethin' nice for me.

Like take a bubble bath in a big old tub in Europe.

So, what am I supposed to say to people to get them to sign up for this dumb race?

- Just tell them how much fun running is. - They won't believe me.

Sure they will. You've got an honest face.

- Just smile when you say it. - Okay.

Mom?

Will you sign up for my fun race?

[chuckles]

Oh, you are so busted.

Jake, Mom doesn't run anymore.

She's right. I don't.

I cook and I clean, and I fall asleep watching the ten o'clock news.

But tonight, I'm gonna take a bubble bath,

and in the morning, I'm gonna start runnin' again.

Attagirl. [chuckling]

We're never gonna get dinner, are we?

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Hey-hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Hey, whatcha doing?

I'm helpin' out around here. And I'm making a cake.

Mom, where do we keep the dextrose "sucratose"?

Honey, that's an instant cake mix.

You're reading the ingredients.

Just add water.

Oh. This is gonna be easy.

Cheyenne, I appreciate your help,

but I don't know if it's a good idea with you baking.

For one thing, I don't know if we have the insurance.

- [knock on door] - Don't worry.

I've got someone coming over to help.

Hey there, culinary cutie. [chuckles]

You know, pretty soon, when people ask, "What's cookin'?"

You can say, "I am."

Is there anything you won't wear?

No. [giggles]

- Hey, guys. - [Reba] Hey!

Kyra, you silly. Why didn't you tell me you were comin' over?

We could have walked together.

Sometimes I don't know what's wrong with me.

[Reba] Hi, sweetie, do you need something?

No, I just came to see the cooking show.

So, what's with the outfit?

Oh, I'm gettin' in shape for the school's 5K run.

Hey, you know what? You oughta do it with me.

[gasps] You mean, run through town all sweaty, with my mom?

Finally, I'll be popular.

Okay. For our first lesson, we're gonna take a little trip to Italy.

- Mm! - Will Cheyenne be making spaghetti?

I wouldn't put it "pasta." [laughing]

[B.J. and Cheyenne Laughing]

Give me... No? Okay.

- Yeah! All right! - All right.

Hey, Mrs. H. I was checkin' out the entry form for the race,

and this is the perfect year for you to run in it.

See, you're movin' into a new age category.

The 42 to 49 group. You're the youngest of the old people!

You may never get dinner again.

No, see? None of the other people in your group

can run a 5K in under 24 minutes.

You can kick these geezer butts! Huh? Huh?

Van, it's not about winnin'. That's the way Brock ruined it for me.

- He was so competitive! - Really? What would he do?

He wouldn't talk to the other runners. He'd elbow people on the turn.

He'd even talk trash to me. He used to call me "Lead Feet."

Cheyenne is doin' really well.

But just for the heck of it, do you have a fire extinguisher?

- Stir the sauce. - So what happened then, Cheyenne?

So I say to the saleswoman, "Yeah, those pants are low,

"but they're last year's low,

and I want this year's low."

Stir the sauce.

The saleswoman said that?

Oh, yeah. And she gives me this, like, attitude.

You know, that she's the saleswoman and she knows what this year's low is.

[growling] Stir!

- So what did you do? - Oh, this is so great.

And I say really nicely, you know, my fake nice voice...

"Excuse me, is there any way that I can speak with a manager?"

It's burning!

- And she says-- - [shouts] Stir the sauce, Cheyenne!

- And so the manager-- - That's the pasta. The sauce!

- And so the manager comes over-- - Stir, stir!

Don't talk. Just stir!

You know what? We're done. Okay?

You know, there's only so much you can do to food till it just gives up, you know?

[giggles]

Oh! Well, that was so easy!

So much for Italiano. I can't wait to see what we're gonna cook tomorrow.

- Tomorrow? - Yeah. Ciao, Barbra Jean.

[laughing]

- Back from your run, huh? - Yeah. It was great.

No, it wasn't. It was pathetic.

- What's that supposed to mean? - I saw you from the porch.

- Yeah? - This is you.

I don't run like that!

If you have any chance of winnin' this thing,

you need me to take over your training immediately.

Would you stop? I don't care about winning. I told you.

Oh, come on! We'll hit the streets tomorrow at 6:00 a.m.,

come back here for stretching and core training.

- 6:00 a.m.? - Oh, yeah.

Let me think about that. No.

Listen to me loud and clear. I am not competitive.

I did it. I got somebody else to sign up for the race.

- Oh, great, Jake! - Well, well, well.

It's just like the old days. Isn't it...

Lead Feet?

Make it 5:30. I'm gonna go run again.

Okay.

[Van] Let's go, let's go, let's go!

Come on, you're almost at the finish line. Finish strong!

- [gasping] How'd I do? What's my time? - Um, yick.

"Yick"? What do you mean, "yick"? Don't say yick.

Okay. Blah.

Dang it, Van. I tell you every morning I can't do 5K in 24 minutes.

- When are you gonna believe me? - Well, I guess I have to today.

- 'Cause you ran it in 23:50! - [screams]

[laughing]

- There ya go. - [continues laughing]

[sighs] I've never done that before!

I bet I could've done it faster if I hadn't tripped over that trash can!

- Yeah! - [laughing]

Is there anything you won't wear?

You know, I was stretchin' out on my driveway when I saw you run by, Reba.

It's very impressive. You are definitely the one to beat...

in the comedy division. [laughs]

[laughs sarcastically]

Here it comes, Van.

Don't start your trash talk with me, Brock.

Yeah, don't bring that garbage gab around here.

- This is Mrs. H's house. - I'm just making conversation.

Well, you're not very good at it.

I'm doing this for me, Brock. I just want to enjoy running like I used to

before you ruined it with your competitiveness.

- My competitiveness? - Uh-huh.

Wait a minute. You're the one who's up at the crack of dawn,

training with the college athlete.

- Training? You think we're-- - Hah!

- Van, he thinks we're training. - [laughing]

- Why? 'Cause we're both wearin' sweats? - Yeah.

Well, maybe we're in the same dance company, hmm?

You are every bit as competitive as I am, Reba.

- 'Fraid not. - Oh, 'fraid so.

- 'Fraid not. - 'Fraid so, infinity!

You only started to pretend you weren't when you realized you couldn't beat me.

[laughs] Pardon my French, but... [exhales] ...horsefeathers.

Admit it. When I entered this race,

you saw it was your opportunity to finally beat me.

But you forgot somethin'. I always win.

Well, pardon my French. Not "zis" time!

- And you know why I always win? - Because you're a gigantic butt?

Oh, oui, oui! [laughs]

No. Because you don't have that conquering spirit that it takes to be a winner.

Face it, Reba. You're just too nice.

I'm fixin' to "nice" you right upside the head. Now, get out of here.

Yeah, I'm going. I'm going. I want to try to get in a good 5K before work today.

You know, yesterday, I was kind of slow. Only ran it in 22:00 flat.

[scoffs] Oh, yeah.

You know, I forgot how much fun we used to have doin' this.

- I didn't. 'Cause we didn't. - [laughs] Yeah.

[speaking gibberish in French accent]

Oh, this is so disgusting.

Oh, this is so gross. [retching]

Ew, ew, ew, ew. Gross! No. Mm-mm. No.

You know,

I used to work at a church summer camp when I was in high school.

Taught blind kids to cook.

[inhales] Blind kids!

They picked it right up. Just... [snaps fingers]

Is something burning?

[mimicking Cheyenne] "Is something burning? Ew!"

It's the bread.

Do you remember the bread?

Do you remember I told you to take it out of the oven ten minutes ago?

Poor bread.

Poor, innocent bread. It never had a chance.

I like crispy bread.

[sniffs] You know, I taught my niece to cook lasagna

when she was six years old.

That's a true story.

Oh. Oh, that's so sad.

- I gotta go home. - Barbra Jean, are you sure you're okay?

Oh... [speaking gibberish]

Okay, I'm just gonna help you! I'm just gonna help you!

[gasps] Reba!

Oh, Reba.

I swear, I tried.

I swear on everything that's precious and holy, I tried!

Barbra Jean, you're preachin' to the choir.

I've been there.

Oh.

I love you, Reba.

How 'bout that?

Let's start a band.

Definitely somethin' to think about.

Absolutely. Be careful on your walk home.

- Come on, Barbra Jean. - Ooh, wait, wait, wait.

Look what I can do.

[imitating airplane]

- She did that once when it was full. - Mm-hmm!

- She did. - [imitating electric guitar]

[door closes]

Okay, Mrs. H, it's 5:00 p.m., which means stretchin' on the patio. Let's go!

- Pass. - Mrs. H, tomorrow's the race.

We gotta stretch big time tonight.

There's not gonna be any race.

- At least not for me anyway. - What, you're quitting?

Who are you, huh?

Quitee Quiterson from Quitsville, Quitland?

- I can't beat him! - Who? Quitee?

Brock. He was right.

I do wanna beat him. I always did.

He's also right about that other thing he said,

about me not havin' that... conquerin' spirit thing.

[sighs] Oh, let's face it, Van. I'm nice.

You know what they say about nice guys.

You can lead them to water, but you can't make them-- No!

No, no, no. That's... That's horses.

- Appreciate your help, but I'm out. - Hey, I totally get it.

- Good. - You're a grown woman.

It's your choice if you wanna act like a big baby.

[sighs] Knock it off!

- I don't feel like a winner! - Mrs. H, listen to me for a minute.

Don't tell me what it feels like to be a winner.

I've been an athlete my whole life. I know exactly what it feels like

to score the winning touchdown or hit the jump shot at the buzzer.

And let me tell you somethin'. It's the greatest feeling in the world.

Everybody chantin' and cheering your name. "Go, Van!

Van! Van is the man!" [chuckles]

Yeah.

Mrs. H, your whole life is like that.

You have conquered tons of stuff.

Anything that life could throw at you.

And you keep going, and you keep this family going.

But you do it in so many little ways that maybe...

maybe it doesn't feel like you're conquering anything.

You know what you need? A crowd following you around.

[scoffs]

Every time you do the laundry, they do the wave!

- [laughs] - Huh?

Every time you make a pot roast, they chant, "Mrs. H!

Mrs. H! Mrs. H is the man!"

[laughs]

Oh, Van. That's really sweet.

And a dang good idea. But it has nothin' to do with the race!

It's got everything to do with the race!

You can beat Mr. H.

And when you do, you're gonna know that feelin' I'm talking about.

And the next time you don't feel like a winner, you'll know that you are!

What are you standing there for? We got some stretching to do!

Ah, dead on.

Hey! How was the race?

Great, if you like watching somebody cheat.

Oh, now, Kyra, I don't think that was technically cheatin'.

Elbowing somebody in the face on a turn? [scoffs]

- Yeah, I think it was, Barbra Jean. - Yeah.

I told you. It was an accident.

Yeah, maybe the first time.

Oh, my gosh. Mom beat Dad.

Oh, it's not about winning, Cheyenne. If it were...

- Yeah. I kicked his butt. - [screams, laughs] You did?

You know what this calls for? A little hair of the dog. [chuckles]

Kyra, Jake, Cheyenne...

Loser.

Louie Loser from Loserville, Louisiana.

[chuckling] Hey there, coach!

Hey there, winner. Winnie Winnerson from Winnersville--

Oh, shut up, Van.

You may have lost, Dad, but you sure were funny to watch.

Yeah, that's... That's what I was going for, son.

- L-L-L-L-L-L-L-- - Van!

- Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-Lo-- - Van!

[in French accent] Le loser!

You know what's weird?

Now I totally get why you tried so hard to win.

It's a great feeling, this kickin' butt.

Suddenly you seem to be a little more competitive.

Well, it's more fun to be competitive when you're Winnie Winnerson.

But I'm the nice competitive kind. Not your psycho kind.

Oh, clearly.

Yeah, I could see you were havin' fun out there.

- How could you see that? With binoculars? - [chuckling]

Yeah, I was. I always did enjoy runnin'.

Yeah, I know, until I kinda wrecked it for you.

[chuckles] Brock, of all the things you wrecked in my life,

runnin' is way down there.

Well, I'm glad I could give you back that feeling.

Well, thanks, but you didn't give it back. I took it.

- Okay. - What's that mean, "Okay"?

Nothin'. Nothin'. Forget I said it.

Are you sayin' that you weren't tryin' to win?

No! No, I tried. I just...

I didn't try the way I usually try.

You know, the gigantic butt way.

Bull! You gave it all you had and you lost.

I want you to say that to my face.

Well, I can't honestly do that.

Okay, then. You know what? We're gonna race again. Right now.

- Oh, don't be ridiculous. - Right now!

Down to the park and back. That's three miles.

Which means I'd beat you by two.

Shoot, you could take the car, I'd still beat you.

Come on, big boy.

Come on. Put up or shut up.

- Come on. - Are you serious?

- Yes. - You want it? You got it.

You are goin' down, Red.

- To the park and back? - Yep. Yep.

Okay, guys. My special race-day dinner will be ready in a few minutes,

just as soon as the meat stops boiling.

Change of plans.

We'll race to the pizza place. Loser buys.

Deal.

- And no elbowing in the face. - Deal.

Ow!

[closing theme music playing]