Original subtitles

- Hey, Mom. - Hey.

You look great. Can't talk. You haven't seen me.

- Hey there, Kyra. - Oh.

You forgot your lunch... again.

Oh, look. All pink and sparkly, just like Kyra.

- Mom? - Kyra, now you take that lunch box.

And whatever you do, don't you lose it.

And if you do, pick you up another one on the way home.

Oh. Okey-dokey, Smoky.

[gasps] Oh, my gosh!

You just said, "Okey-dokey, Smoky." That's my favorite catchphrase!

Oh, that is "neato-riffic!"

Yes, I did. I spoke like you.

Remember me?

[imperceptible]

- Hey. - Hey, you guys want some waffles?

Waffles? Never had waffles

three days before a big game, and I'm not about to start now.

- You can't mess with the mojo. - Yep, that's true.

- How about you, Cheyenne? - [chuckles] Once again, see, no.

Neither one of us can have waffles until Saturday. This can never change.

- You can't be serious. - Oh, he is. Let me tell you something.

Nothing makes you wanna have a waffle more than someone telling you you can't.

It's, like, the forbidden... waffle.

Hey, I know it sounds silly, but as far as I'm concerned,

my superstitions are a big part of my success.

Like it has nothing to do with your ability?

Surprisingly little.

Here we go.

He is so nervous about the football game.

It's his first college start.

I know how he feels. It's like me on the high school debate team.

A kid told me to shut up, and I froze.

Well, not a kid. A judge.

A kid and a judge. And some parents.

Well, I'm nervous, too. I mean, there's three huge outlet malls in Dallas,

and it looks like I'm only gonna have time to hit two of 'em.

Good luck to you in this very trying time.

Thank you.

Well, don't worry about anything on this end.

Elizabeth is gonna be very happy

at Camp "Sleep Over At Barbra Jean's House Of... Somethin' Snappy."

I'm still workin' on the title.

Wait a minute. Camp what?

Camp "Sleep Over At Step-Grandma Barbra..."

Darn!

I'll tell you what. You keep workin' on the name, and I'll keep Elizabeth here.

Mom, before you freak out,

we thought it'd be fun for Elizabeth to spend the weekend with Henry.

You're right.

- She should spend time with Henry. - Mm-hmm.

Have Barbra Jean drop him off.

But we already told Barbra Jean that she could take care of her.

Well, then tell her you didn't tell her. How hard is it to confuse her?

Look at how small my head is.

Kids love that stuff, okay?

Well, Reba, looks like you got all these extra waffles

and just me to eat 'em.

Perfect. You know what?

I love to have my breakfast out on the patio.

Ooh! Eatin' outside!

- Here you go. - It'll be just like a picnic.

You know, Brock and I used to go on those all the time.

Of course, that was when we were keepin' our love secret.

If squirrels could talk, you know?

Apparently, nuts can.

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Hey-hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

- Here you go, Van. - No, no, no, Mrs. H!

You rolled my socks into a ball. Fold and tuck.

Fold and tuck, bring you luck.

Van, go long.

Honey, why did you unpack the umbrella?

- What if it rains? - Don't talk about the rain, Cheyenne!

I fumbled the last time it rained. Think! Think!

[sighs] Now I have to go have a grape soda so it doesn't rain.

Cheyenne! You have to put the ice in the glass.

Hey, make sure it's not crushed ice. That might make it snow.

What do you think? It's my picture.

Gee, I was hopin' you'd swallowed your head.

Oh. And I made a little one for my camper.

[babbling]

- Did you make one for Brock? - I'm wearin' mine under my shirt.

Someone might wanna steal it.

Yeah.

They're not only cute and 100% cotton,

they're also practical.

This way, if Elizabeth and I get separated at the mall,

security will know who she belongs to.

Why would you get separated?

Oh, I know it's unlikely it will ever happen, but once bitten, twice shy.

[giggles]

Okay, Barbra Jean, why don't you go grab Elizabeth?

- Okay. - Wait, wait, wait. Wait a minute.

- You lost Elizabeth at the mall? - [scoffs] No!

- Oh, good. - I lost Henry.

It was about a month ago. I just turned around, and he was gone. Poof!

Oh, I'll tell you what, that was the longest seven minutes of my life.

Anyway, camp time!

[chuckles scornfully] Does Van and Cheyenne know about this?

Okay, look. Before you overreact, it's not as bad as it sounds.

He wasn't really lost.

He was in the pants rack two feet away, hiding from her.

I've hidden from her once.

I climbed a tree. Ran into the mailman.

[both laugh]

So you can see the humor in the situation. It's kind of funny, huh?

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah.

[both continue laughing]

[sighs]

You're gonna make a big deal out of this, aren't you?

- Oh, yeah. - Yeah, great.

Here we go again.

I don't know why I keep comin' over here.

"Hey, Brock, how's the wife?"

"Great. We moved three doors down from my ex-wife.

That was a good idea."

Maybe next time, we can all just move in together! Yeah!

Too much foam! Too much foam!

Look, I need to talk to you two about Barbra Jean watchin' Elizabeth.

Mom, we're not gonna change our minds.

Oh, I think you might when you hear a little story I call,

"Barbra Jean Lost Henry at the Mall."

What?

Henry's gone?

No. She found him.

Oh!

Well, that's a short story, but very exciting. Cheers.

Mom, we already knew about that. And she was so great.

- She found him in, like, seven minutes. - No, she was not great!

She lost him for seven minutes. See? The glass is half empty.

Well, as long as there's not a bunch of foam, I'm cool with it.

Mom, nobody is perfect, even you.

I never said I was perfect.

It's just that certain people make me look that way by comparison.

I think you're perfect when you're awake.

What the heck does that mean?

It means 16 hours of the day, you are perfect.

Okay, Van. Let's go pack the car.

Your mother asked a question.

The other day when we got home when you were watching her,

you were asleep on the couch.

Elizabeth was napping. I'd had a big old turkey sandwich.

I was watching golf. Shoot, I'm surprised I'm awake now.

Mom, we totally trust you, and we trust Barbra Jean.

All things being equal, we trust her for this weekend.

Ah! Okay, it's not gonna rain. Let's hit the road.

Okay, fine. You leave me no choice.

Call your coach. You're grounded.

What? Oh, man...

You see what happens when you pour too much foam?

Van, she cannot ground us. We're adults.

And, Mom, we have to go. Please don't be mad at us.

Oh, I am too mad...

until you get into that car, 'cause I want you to be safe.

So, call me when you get there, so I'll know to be mad again, okay?

So, be safe, call me. Godspeed.

- Are you mad right now? - Godspeed!

Okay, Barbra Jean. Take good care of our little girl.

Bye, munchkin!

Hey, Cheyenne. Here's that CD for the ride.

Thanks.

And, Van, I don't know why you think what you think,

but the spell is hereby lifted.

- Um, thanks. - Yeah.

Okay, I can't afford any long goodbyes, so let's get goin'.

- Bad luck? - No, but crying before the game is.

I'm gonna miss my baby!

All right. Bye, you guys. We love you. Bye!

- [B.J.] Bye-bye! - Bye!

There we go.

Call me!

Okay, Elizabeth and I are gonna go pick up Henry,

and then we're gonna go to the zoo.

Won't that be fun? Hmm?

Wait a minute. You're gonna take the two kids to the zoo?

Well, that's like a mall with dangerous animals.

Ooh, it sounds excitin'.

I don't think you should go.

The zoo is full of, um...

drunks.

No, you're thinkin' of the P.T.A.

- Bye, Reba. - Wait. Wait.

- I'm goin' with you. - You wanna go with me?

I didn't say that. I said I'm going with ya.

Oh, my gosh! A good day just got great!

[in goofy voice] I'm gonna go grab you a T-shirt, Reba.

[door closes]

[imitating B.J.] Don't hurry.

You're going to the zoo with her?

Oh, I get it. You two stroll by the alligator pond,

and then bump, splash, goodbye, Barbra Jean.

I'm goin' to keep an eye on Elizabeth.

And afterwards, Barbra Jean will be exhausted,

and I'll volunteer to take over the babysittin'.

Oh. Well, that's a pretty elaborate plan.

Yeah. And if that doesn't work, maybe the baboons

will kidnap her and make her their queen.

My feet are killin' me.

Oh, why'd they have to make the zoo so big?

Why don't they just put all the animals in one cage

so you don't have to walk ten miles?

You know, I always feel sorry for them.

Stuck in cages like that.

There ya go.

So, Jakey, what was your favorite part?

The pigeons.

Well, those weren't really part of the zoo.

Yeah, but one pooped on a guy.

Reba, I had a great time. We should do somethin' without the kids.

- You know, just you and me. - Maybe we could go huntin'.

Ooh, not today.

I got a millions errands to run before Brock gets home.

Oh, well, why don't I watch the kids and put 'em down for a nap?

- Hmm. No, that's okay. - Oh, but I want to.

No, I don't think so. You just get your sleep.

No, the kids are gonna sleep. I'm not goin' to.

Unless there's golf on TV. [imitates snoring]

What's that supposed to mean?

Reba, I can't risk it.

You will fall asleep. You have a reputation.

I have a... I have a... I have a reputation?

A bit of a temper, too. That has been mentioned.

I may lose my temper, but I didn't lose a child.

Oh, how dare you accuse me of doin' somethin' I told you I did!

No wonder I don't want you stayin' alone with my grandchild.

Is that why you came to the zoo with me today? To spy on me?

[scoffs] I thought we were bondin'.

But you weren't bonding. You were...

You were James Bondin'!

Well, I didn't go to the zoo to punish my feet.

Great. You know what?

If I'm just such a terrible parent, why don't you watch her?

- You know, if you're just so perfect. - Then it's settled.

Fine. I will just take Henry and go.

Or don't you trust me with him either? Goodbye, Reba.

- Barbra Jean? - What?

That's Elizabeth.

[gasps] Wow. This place is gorgeous.

Van, look, an ice bucket. [chuckles]

You know what that means, don't you, Cheyenne?

- Somewhere on this floor, unlimited ice. - Yeah.

- Know what's the coolest part about this? - What?

We get to leave stuff lyin' around on the floor,

and your mom can't yell at us!

So, honey, what do you wanna do first?

I'm gonna lay on this couch and watch TV. You're on your own.

What are you talking about? Don't you wanna go check out Dallas?

It's awesome.

Honey, look, you've really been on edge for the past couple of days,

and I think, if we stay cooped up in this hotel room,

we're bound to get into a fight.

Oh, yeah. A doozy.

Wait. You want to get into a fight?

Yes. Us fighting is a good luck charm.

Oh, yeah? Then why aren't we rich?

Look, the day before the city championship,

we had a huge fight.

I had three touchdowns. The day before the Houston scouts came, we had a fight.

I got a scholarship. Tomorrow's my first start.

I need our biggest fight yet.

I can't believe this. You brought me here planning on us having a bad time?

Well, you're off to a really good start, you big jerk.

That's good. That's good. But let's not start off too early.

I wanna make sure we go to bed angry.

So my... my feelings mean nothing to you?

I'm just... I'm some part of your stupid mojo?

Does that upset you?

- Yes! - Then yes.

You know what? I never wanna talk to you ever again.

Oh, come on, Cheyenne. I'm doin' this for us.

Get away!

- Cheyenne! - Get away!

Oh! I'm gonna have such a great game tomorrow!

- Hey, Reba. - Hey.

- Hey, Jake. How was the zoo? - A pigeon pooped on a guy!

Yeah? Well, maybe the guy started it.

Hey, listen, bud, can I get a moment with your mom?

Okay. But tell Mom you like her bean picture.

She made it by herself.

- Reba-- - I know what you're gonna say.

And I'm sorry, Brock, but I think Elizabeth is better off with me.

You know what? You're forgetting that I was here when you raised our kids.

What's that supposed to mean?

Gee. Remember when Cheyenne shoved a bean up her nose?

- Yeah. - Or how about Kyra

getting her head stuck in the banister?

Or... Or Jake swallowing a $1.50 in change?

Oh, that was my fault. I told him it was lunch money.

The point is, no one's a perfect parent, Reba.

Okay, maybe I'm not perfect. Fine.

But at least I'm not annoying. She goes around all the time

saying these goofy things like, "Okey-dokey, Smoky..."

and, "Oh, those waffles are waffle-tastic!"

So, what? You don't want her to watch Elizabeth

because she has a way with words?

Yes! Because it rubs off on people.

It's already started with Kyra.

If I'm not careful, I'm gonna have a two-year-old

walkin' around, askin' for a cookie-wookie.

That's the way kids talk.

Yeah, but then they stop. She won't stop!

Why is this suddenly an issue? She's always been like that.

Heck, at our wedding, she said, "I do, Magoo."

[muffled laughing]

And that must have been very annoying for you.

No. I laughed, like you just did.

I didn't laugh. I scoffed. Huh!

Oh, come on. Admit it. She makes you laugh.

I laugh at her. Okay, twice, I laughed with her.

But way more at her.

Reba, you like her.

I do not.

- Yes, you do. - No, I don't.

Yes, you do. You're beginning to find her charming and funny and delightful.

Okay. Maybe she's not an awful person.

And maybe, somewhere,

buried deep inside that queen of baboons...

is a good heart.

But other than that, she drives me crazy.

I think what's driving you crazy is you're beginning to like her.

You know what the problem with this divorce is? It's too nice.

Even I'm gettin' sucked in, everybody walkin' around, gettin' along.

- It's ridiculous. - I know. Where's the hate?

- So are you gonna apologize to her? - Yes.

There's nothing she likes better than an apology-walogy.

[phone ringing]

Hello?

Oh, Van! How'd it go? Oh, no, wait just a second.

I'm gonna put you on the speakerphone. Jake wants to hear, too.

Hold on. Okay, go ahead.

[Van] Yes. Can I have a cheeseburger and some curly fries?

[whispering] Shh. He thinks it's funny.

- Go ahead, Van. - Oh, it went great.

I had two touchdowns and a fumble recovery.

[Cheyenne] Yeah, and I helped him. I yelled at him until 3:00 in the morning.

[Van] Oh, she was great. I love you.

- [Cheyenne] Oh, I love you the most. - [Van] No, you say you love me--

[line disconnects]

Gag.

[doorbell rings]

- [ringing continues] - Hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

Barbra Jean. How's it goin'?

You like me.

- Barbra Jean-- - You think I'm a good person.

[chuckles]

And I also said that you're very annoying.

I didn't want you around my granddaughter.

And yet, you like me. [chuckles]

See, that's the very thing that makes you so annoying.

♪ I'm annoying, but she likes me ♪

Okay, that's enough.

♪ I'm annoying but she cares ♪

Stop it.

♪ She says to stop it, but she likes me ♪

I'm gonna bring my frying pan!

Okay. Song over.

So, what, you just came over here to gloat?

No, I came to say thank you.

Why?

Well, it's just with me being the other woman and all,

our friendship got off to a bad start.

Reba, you're very special to me,

and it's just good news to find out that I'm special to you, too.

Okay, wait. Let's get this very clear.

I'm still way more special to you than you are to me.

But I'm catching up. [giggles]

I'll be by later. We can chat some more.

Okey-dokey, Smoky.

Please tell me she didn't hear that.

♪ She said "okey-dokey" 'cause she likes ♪

♪ Me ♪

Yeah! She likes me!

[closing theme music playing]