Original subtitles

Look who has time to bake since her chick left the nest.

Look who's not gettin' a muffin.

Hey, honey. You want one?

No time.

I left a library book upstairs. It's due today. Bye.

Well, wait a minute! We haven't talked all week.

Can't you spare five minutes?

What would five minutes really do, Mom?

Wouldn't that just leave us wanting more?

Barbra Jean, I'm going to Jenny's after the library. Bye.

Don't you wanna hear about my day?

I'd like to hear about your day.

Here's the headline. Giant blonde attacks muffin factory.

Cute redhead saves the day.

And since when is Kyra and Jenny talkin'? I thought they were fightin'.

Oh, not anymore. See, Kyra sat with Macy at lunch,

so Jenny thought Kyra was stuck-up.

But then Kyra sat with Jenny again, so Jenny and Kyra made up.

Any questions?

Yeah. Since when are you in the ninth grade?

I'm very plugged in with the kids, Reba.

And you know, it's only natural that you've fallen out of touch

with Kyra since she moved out.

I am not out of touch with my daughter.

It's just that she doesn't live here,

and we don't always talk as much as we...

And you don't live here either, by the way!

Reba, let me give you the benefit of my parenting experience.

See, I tried talkin' to Kyra,

but all I ever got were angry looks.

Yes, just like that.

But I have learned

there are other ways to open the doors of communication.

I don't want your parenting advice, Barbra Jean.

Yes, you do.

Because you know that I know things about Kyra

that you wanna know.

And you wanna know how I know them.

And I'll let you know how I know them if you let me know--

Okay, fine!

Tell me your secret. Tell me how you get my daughter

to completely open up about every detail in her life.

I spy on her.

[pan thuds]

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Hey, hey.

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

I can't believe you spy on my daughter.

And you thought I wasn't ready to raise a teenager.

Hey, guys. We're back from the ball game.

Dad let me eat a whole bowl of relish.

He's makin' it sound a lot worse than it is.

The relish was on, like, six hot dogs.

Did you know Barbra Jean is spying on Kyra?

- So? - So!

It's a betrayal of trust. It's an invasion of privacy.

It's just old-fashioned wrong!

It's only wrong if the person you're spying on

has somethin' to hide.

Like if you had spied on Brock when we were having an affair.

Don't help. Okay, honey?

Kyra's a good kid. What's Barbra Jean gonna find out?

It's either band, the library or the mall.

We're lucky. Kyra has no life.

Apparently neither does Barbra Jean,

or she wouldn't be readin' a 14-year-old's diary.

I would never read Kyra's diary.

I read her e-mail.

Yeah! See, I put this filter on the computer

that lets me see everything anyone does online.

You mean anything Kyra does, right?

No.

- I gotta go. - [B.J.] Oh, yeah.

You know, really, Reba, there's no harm in spyin'.

Wouldn't you like to know things about Kyra?

Like who gave her that friendship necklace?

No, I wouldn't.

I'm not gonna stoop to your level, Barbra Jean.

If Kyra wants me to know, she'll tell me.

Or you can just wait 30 years

and hope that Kyra's memoirs get turned into a movie.

Which you won't be able to see unless there's parking

outside the theater for your high horse!

Oh, yeah!

Wow. Kyra's life as a movie. You know who I'd wanna play me?

- Who? - Denzel Washington.

What was that about?

Oh, Barbra Jean thinks that I oughta spy on Kyra.

Like I'd ever spy on one of my kids.

- You spied on me all the time. - I did not!

Your mom has a point, Cheyenne.

I mean, if she'd been spying on us, you'd never have gotten pregnant.

It's like you were blind.

If you didn't spy on me,

how did you always know when I liked a boy?

Oh, it was obvious.

You'd be on the phone all day with all your friends

tellin' them about it,

and then you'd write "I love Jimmy" on your notebooks.

- [scoffs] - [Van] Jimmy?

- Who's Jimmy? - You are, honey.

[imperceptible]

And then your pockets would be full of those

empty lip gloss containers,

and you'd wear that pink sweater real low cut

with the black lace on it.

Hey, you know, going through someone's pocket

is called spying, Mom.

No, honey. It's called doin' the laundry.

Well, maybe I'll do your laundry and see how much you like it.

Yeah, do my ironin' too. That'll show me.

You know what I think, Mrs. H?

That you're not really Jimmy?

No.

[mouthing] Jimmy.

- I think you should spy on Kyra. - What?

Yeah. Go through her backpack. They keep everything in there.

And wise up, Mrs. H.

No one gets a friendship necklace from a friend.

It's from a boy. Boy Friend.

You do the math. Mmm-hmm.

- Hey. - Hey! Two visits in a week.

That deserves a hug!

[laughing]

- What are you doing? - Oh, enjoying the scent of a girl

who doesn't smoke or hang out with kids who do.

- Have you been drinking? - No!

Have you?

I'm going upstairs to get some clothes. Don't follow me.

Why would I follow you? I'm not nosy.

[softly] Oh, Kyra?

I'm gonna go through your backpack.

If it's okay, don't say anything.

Ah! Brandon.

Hello, Jimmy.

[chuckles]

Yeah.

Oh, mints.

- [door opens] - [gasps]

Oh!

[chuckles]

I'll see you later.

Okay, all right. Here, don't study too hard.

Whoa! That's Cheyenne's sweater.

Not anymore. She gave it to me.

And what is that smell? Did you swallow a car freshener?

No. And where are you going in Cheyenne's sweater?

- Out. - Out where?

Out there, to enjoy the freedom our forefathers fought and died for.

- Why are you asking all this stuff? - I'm not asking stuff.

I just wanna know if you're gonna go meet someone somewhere

and do somethin' that I might or might not like.

Oh, I get it. You think I didn't check all this with Dad.

No. That's not what I'm saying.

It must be, or you wouldn't be saying it.

I mean, when I lived with you, I checked with you, not Dad.

Now that I live with Dad, I check with him, not you, right?

Well, yes.

And now you're worried that I didn't check with either of you.

But I know the rules, and I checked with Dad.

Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?

Well, yeah! But don't think you can just walk in here

and abide by the rules, little missy.

- Hey. - Hey, guys. Kyra around?

- No. She's over at a friend's house. - Which friend's?

I don't know. Mindy, Bitsy, Bootsy. I can't keep track.

You let your daughter leave this house without knowin'

where she's goin'?

What kind of parent are you?

- Hey, Mom. - Jake, what are you doin' here?

Not ruining my dinner.

You didn't know where Jake was.

Oh, that's different. Jake hasn't blossomed.

Come on. Kyra's fine. She's a good kid.

Oh, really? So you're not the least bit worried

that she just left my house wearing Cheyenne's sweater?

I spent so much money on those clothes,

I hope Jake wears Cheyenne's sweater.

And anyway, we're not talkin' about Cheyenne here.

We're talkin' about Kyra.

Kyra who might have a boyfriend whose name might be Brandon

who might have given her a necklace.

Well, I'm hearing a lot of "mights."

So until I hear some "definitelys," I'm not gonna freak out.

- Yeah, but how can I be sure? - [imitates beep]

You've got mail.

[imitates beep] You got a goofball.

Okay, Barbra Jean, what's the story with Kyra?

She definitely has a boyfriend named Brandon,

and he definitely gave her that necklace.

Well, is she meeting him?

Or is she over at Mindy, Bitsy, Bootsy's house?

There's nothin' in here that tells me...

- [gasps] Oh, my goodness! - What?

- What? - We can refinance at 4.75 with no points.

Oh, get over!

- [computer rings] - What'd I do? Did I set off the alarm?

No, it's the instant message.

It's like talkin' with someone over the phone,

- but less private and more difficult. - Oh.

It's from her friend, Mindy.

"F2T"? What does that mean?

Free to talk. Put "yes."

Oh, I don't mean put "yes." I mean put "Y."

That's the first letter.

- [computer beeps] - Okay, another message.

The letter "R," the letter "U."

R... Ru...

No! R-U. See, "are you?"

- See? - Ah!

Okay, right. All right. "Are you goin' to Brandon's tonight, K-Y-R-A?"

What's K-Y-R-A?

Kyra.

"No parents equal fun."

No parents! It's an unsupervised party, Brock!

That she may not be going to.

She's askin' why I'm not replyin'. What do I say?

Don't say anything. She'll know you're not Kyra.

It's all caps! She's mad!

Turn it off! T-I-O! T-I-O!

[screams]

Well, Brock?

Okay, all right. Now don't panic.

So, she didn't tell us her friend was a boy.

A boy she likes whose parents are out of town!

Yeah, yeah, it sounds bad.

Real, real bad.

But... But that doesn't mean she's gonna go over there and...

and do something stupid.

Right. It just means she can.

Kids are startin' to arrive. Pull closer, Brock.

We'll never be able to see her from here.

We're never gonna see her because she's not coming.

But if her friends see us, then she's gonna think I don't trust her.

And, Reba, don't worry.

I've got a plan that'll make both of you happy.

Ha!

- Night-vision goggles? - Uh-huh.

Barbra Jean, we're in the suburbs, not 'Nam.

You can't go sneakin' around lookin' in people's windows.

I'll radio if I see anything.

And don't worry. I'm not gonna do anything

that looks suspicious.

I can't believe this is happening.

Oh, come on, Brock.

You knew she was crazy when you married her.

- [static hums] - [B.J.] I heard that.

No, I can't believe I'm sitting out here because you don't trust me.

Kyra's been living with me for a whole month,

so obviously she's gone wild.

I'm that bad a parent.

Well, I'm not here to argue with you, Brock.

All I know is, when she lived with me, I knew what she was up to.

Oh, yeah. Like you did with Cheyenne?

One time! One time our daughter gets pregnant,

and I never hear the end of it!

Hey, I know what Kyra's up to. She's out with friends.

Well, that's not good enough.

You need to know which friends and where they're goin',

for how long, and get a phone number,

and then get a cell number in case they lie about the phone number.

Or maybe we could put a chip in her head and track her by satellite.

- Well, if you weren't so cheap. - [chuckles dryly]

[chuckles] You know, did you ever stop and think

that maybe one of the reasons Kyra moved in with me

is because I trust her?

You know what?

We might have to be here on a stakeout, but we don't have to talk!

- Fine! - Fine!

- [static hums] - [B.J.] Roger that.

Can you believe my mom kept track of my lip gloss?

Oh, I know. We would go through, like, a tube a week.

Yeah.

Remember when my mom kept that old couch out in the garage?

[both giggle]

- [stomping feet] - [sighs]

[grunts]

I thought my lips would fall off.

You know, it was kind of fun sneaking around,

never knowing if we were gonna get caught or not.

Yeah.

Sittin' there in the dark,

the scent of Strawberry Passion on our faces.

What's wrong?

Nothing's wrong. That's the problem.

There's no tension!

We're married! Takes all the fun out of foolin' around.

I know. We could go upstairs and dance around our room naked,

and no one would care.

You want to?

I don't know. It's all the way upstairs.

- Hey! - [both scream]

Barbra Jean, what are you doin'?

No sign of Kyra yet. I'm goin' back in.

[whistling]

I'd love to think that your wife was insane for climbing up

a tree in night-vision goggles,

but then I realized, she's my leader.

- What are you talkin' about? - I spied on my kid today, Brock.

I'm spying on her right now.

Well, unless she doesn't show up.

Then you'd just be some creepy old lady watching the teenagers party.

Because I don't know who she is anymore.

Kyra's only been out of the house for a month,

and she's got a whole new life I don't know about.

Hey, try three years.

When I moved out, Cheyenne was drill team captain,

Jake was learning to tie his shoes and Kyra was just a smart-mouthed kid.

Every parent looks at their kid and thinks, "Oh, they grow up so fast."

But I never realized how fast until I wasn't there every day to see it.

And now I'm gonna be the one that's not there to see it.

- [breathy whistling] - [Brock] What the--

Hit the gas! I've been spotted!

- What are you doing here? - [all scream]

What are you doing here?

I think a better question is,

what are your mom and dad doin' here?

Never mind why we're here. Why are you here?

- I'm with my friends, okay? - Friends or boys?

- What's the difference? - You don't know?

We got nothing to worry about.

We know it's an unsupervised party, Kyra.

Where did you hear that? Have you been following me?

No, we got it from your e-mail.

Again, honey, don't help.

- I can't believe this! - Kyra!

- [Brock] Kyra, wait! - [Reba] Stop!

You know, I get Barbra Jean doing this.

And Dad has to tag along in case he needs to post bail.

- But not you, Mom. - Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Now, we all know what your mom did was wrong.

But you know what else is wrong? You sneaking around with boys.

I know it's kind of dark out, but if you borrow Barbra Jean's spy goggles,

you'll be able to see I'm not Cheyenne.

Maybe we got confused

because you're wearing her boy-meetin' sweater.

So you guys really think I'm so stupid that I'd sneak off

and have sex when I'm 14?

And even if I did, why would I wear Cheyenne's sweater?

For good luck?

I thought you knew me better than that.

Well, I used to! But since you moved out, we don't talk,

I don't see you, you don't even check in with me.

'Cause I live with Dad now. I don't have to do all that stuff.

- Oh, yes, you do. - What?

From now on, you have to check with both me and your mother.

Maybe you thought you'd have it easy living with me

because Dad's a pushover.

Let me tell you something.

Living with me isn't gonna be a free ride.

And it isn't a license to cut your mother out of your life either.

But that's not fair.

Well, good. Then I must be doing something right.

Now go say good night to your friends.

And tell Brandon I'm gonna be sending his parents

a nice little thank-you note for letting him throw this party.

I can't believe this!

Who are you?

I'm the girl's father.

Thanks, Brock.

[horn honks]

Hey, Red, hands off the merchandise.

[closing theme music playing]