Original subtitles

Don't wake up daddy.

Don't wake up daddy. Don't wake up daddy...

Eh? Oh, did we wake you?

Was Michele Pfeiffer just touching me?

Uh-huh.

Was Nipsey Russell in a Barcalounger

singing to my grandfather? Yes, he was.

Hoo! Thought I was dreaming.

What time is it?

It's tomorrow.

Are you kidding? Did I sleep on the couch?

Uh-huh. Oh, sweetie,

I'm sorry. I must have got all caught up

in the editing here.

That's okay. I slept like a log.

Oh, boy. You know what? Me, too.

This couch, I gotta say, surprisingly embracing.

Well, you should try the bed without you, heh.

I'll have to do that. Hi.

Seriously, it was like a palace.

You could roll all around, sleep diagonally,

no big lumpy guy there next to you... Not you.

All right. Well, listen.

Here's what's gonna happen I'm gonna make us all

an elaborate and wonderful breakfast.

Some eggs, bacon, and a lovely stack of toast.

Yippee! All right, calm down.

I'm saying I slept. I'm peppy.

All right, and I'm peppy too...

♪ Happy and peppy And bursting with love ♪

What is that? It's from The Odd Couple.

Tony Randall sang it.

There's no reason to...

Because I am. What?

♪ Happy and peppy And bursting with love ♪

♪ Dancing and singing ♪

Hey, boss. here's those tennis balls you were looking for.

Hey, Marvin, what happened to your nose?

It always looks like that.

It always has that much gauze on?

Really, Marvin, what do you do on the weekend?

Last week you come in with the rib thing.

Week before that, you're limping.

I banged my head against my knee.

You what?

I went out dancing,

and I banged my head against a disco ball.

From a disco ball?

I looked into a toaster way too far.

What do you do on weekends?

I...

I've been wrestling semi-pro.

Heh. You what? What?

Yeah. Look.

Wrestling semi-pro?

Let me see that. Right there.

"Saturday night, Staten Island Armory,

grudge match, Leon Farkas versus Marvin Bluestone."

There you go. Leon Farkas?

Your nose was damaged by a man named Leon Farkas?

Lucky blow, lucky blow.

Heh. This is hard for me to picture.

I never thought of you as a wrestler type guy.

I'm 6'2", 290.

I'm not saying you're not tough, I just never thought...

Come on, go ahead. Slug me.

I don't wanna slug you. I just never thought...

Go ahead. Both of you, slug me.

Ah, now you're talking crazy.

Come on, let's go, fellas. I'm waitin'!

All right. You asked for it.

Harder!

Harder, come on!

Faster! Harder, harder, harder!

♪ Summer breeze Makes me feel fine ♪

♪ Runnin' through The jasmine ♪

Man! ♪ In my mind ♪

Wow! You're just solid.

All over, up and down, solid as a rock.

Except this little area behind my ankle.

That is quite weak.

You kidding? Your Achilles' heel

is actually your Achilles' heel?

Huh?

Achilles. Achilles from Greek mythology.

The... the warrior.

He was a big warrior totally impervious to pain

except for that exact spot. Achilles. ever...

It hurts in your ankle? Oh, yeah.

Marvin is a wrestler. It's... It's unbelievable.

And my mom, man, she is so proud.

Well, what mom wouldn't be

with the leotards and the hair pulling

and the health benefits?

Marvin, you know, you should not overlook

money-making possibilities in the wrestling field.

What're you gonna do to him...

But you gotta do something about the name.

Marvin Bluestone does not sound like a guy

who crushes skulls.

Sounds like a guy who runs for president

of a synagogue.

Well, what do you suggest?

I would say maybe go with a persona.

You know, Chief Jay Strongbow had the headdress.

You know, Hulk Hogan is a freakin' Hulk.

Mil Máscaras has like a thousand masks.

All right. How about, uh...

Marvelous Marvin Bluestone?

Again, it's the Marvin Bluestone,

I think, that's tripping you up.

Oh. But you know what?

How about Gorilla Boy?

Gorilla Boy. Yeah, yeah.

Half-man, half-killer monkey.

Killer monkey is it? That's right.

Get you a nice big suit, a mask.

You know, you jump in the ring,

jump around, bang on your chest.

Every time you pin a guy, you show him your big red ass.

Hey, is this polyester? Do you have any idea?

Marvin, you think you could make a gorilla noise?

I... I don't know.

Well, give it a whirl.

There you go.

That's right.

Little more.

Good. Good. Terrific.

All right, stop, stop!

Marvin, you really have a natural instinct.

Really? Absolutely.

You could scare the bejesus out of people.

I bet I will. You will!

And you know what? If you need a front man

like a Don King to your Mike Tyson

just give me a call.

Yeah, and if you need an ambulance, give me a buzz.

You coming to bed?

Mmm. You know the secret of editing?

No.

All right, then I'm gonna be here a long time.

I'm sorry.

That's all right.

Hope I don't pass out on the couch again.

Me, too.

Unless it would mean you'd finally be done.

And then I would endure it for one more night.

Really? Yeah.

Okay. You know what? Maybe we should plan on that.

Okay. Yeah.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Love you. Love you, too.

But in truth,

tonight we reward ourselves for work done previously.

Oh, a M.A.S.H.marathon.

And now, introducing,

from parts unknown,

Gorilla Boy!

And his handler,

the man who discovered him while on safari

and the only human being he will not harm,

Dr. Ira Livingston.

Hey! Here we go. Come on!

Bananas! Bananas! Bananas for you!

Here we go. Come on, come on, come on!

Here we go. Bananas. Get those bananas...

Hey, watch it! Come on. Here we go.

That's it! That's it!

That big monkey is my son.

Hey, all right, Here we go.

Now, this is it. Remember, this guy is nothing.

I feel really primal tonight, boss,

like a rabid dog.

All right,

Here we go. Go on.

You go get him, Gorilla Boy. Yah!

What's with this guy?

It's a persona, you idiot.

A what?

A persona.

I love you, Gorilla Boy!

I love you, ma!

Hey, hey, shut up.

You can't talk. You're an ape. You'll blow it.

Oh, my god. What was I thinking?

I'm glad your work is done.

Oh. Me, too.

So great to have you back.

It's nice to be back, nice to see you...

and the crib,

not to mention the little girl in the crib.

Good night. Good night, you.

You know, it's near the end of the last season.

I beg your pardon?

On M.A.S.H. the rerun cycle.

They're in the middle of the last... last season.

You can't believe how good the last few episodes were.

Yeah, they were good. Oh, boy.

Harry Morgan, really,

he took it to a whole new level.

Mm-hmm.

And that Klinger, he just kills me.

He's really, really funny. Really funny.

Mm-hmm.

Oh! God, I never called Lisa back.

You wanna call her right now?

W-We could be on for a while.

That's okay. You know what?

I'll go watch the show Really?

Yeah, sure.

And if I happen to fall asleep on the couch again...

Then you do. Yeah.

I'll see you tomorrow. Okay.

All right.

Guess who I saw today.

Hint, someone we hate.

Angela Spino, all blotchy and out of shape.

Okay, three husbands and three kids.

Yeah, I was like, "Hi, Angela."

She was like, "Hi."

M.A.S.H.

Hey, no... Stay in the living room!

Murray, this is the one where Hawkeye kisses Hotlips, oh...!

Larry Gelbart.

Is it freakish what we're doing?

No. It's really not. We're two consenting adults,

and we're gladly agreeing to sleep separately

because that's what we wanna do right now.

There's nothing wrong with enjoying the alone time.

I just enjoy it so much. I can be myself when I'm alone.

I can be myself when I'm with you,

but I'm a better person when I'm with you.

When I'm by myself, I can be the person

I don't really like and I really like that.

Listen, you don't gotta tell me.

Last night, I ate a microwave burrito off my own stomach.

Hey, guys.

W-what is this?

Allow me to introduce myself, Dr. Ira Livingston,

the man who discovered Gorilla Boy.

Wow.

Tell you, this act is working out big.

Already, I got Marvin booked against better wrestlers

in better halls, I'm cleaning up on the side bets.

You taking advantage of Marvin?

James, Marvin's made as much in the last three days

as I've paid him in the last six months.

So up till now you've been taking advantage of him?

Yeah. Oh, that's...

You know what? I'd love for you guys

to show up tonight. It's his first appearance

as the main event.

Oh. Who's he fighting?

You're not gonna believe it.

Uh-oh. Check this out.

"Macho Man" Randy Savage.

Sounds dangerous. Even for Gorilla Boy, that sounds bad.

Can you come?

Sure. Fantastic.

I'll see you tonight. We'll be there.

Hey, hey, what's with the sheets?

You guys got a houseguest?

Oh. Uh... no.

No?

Uh, can I say it?

Sure.

We're just, uh...

I-I'm sleeping on the couch for now.

Oh, guys...

I'm so sorry.

No, Ira. No, no.

We're taking a little break, that's all.

My god.

We have an arrangement, he's got...

I... I understand.

I think I'm gonna cry.

Oh, w-w-wait. Dr. Livingston.

Listen, I gotta get more bananas.

Hi. What did we miss?

Well, Bruno "Six-Fingers" Malone

put Jebediah, the Amish Hellcat Boudine,

into a sleeper hold.

Apparently, cutting off his blood supply

with his sixth finger.

Yeah, we don't know much, but we don't think

the Amish Hellcat will recover.

I see what you mean.

Yeah, at least his family isn't watching it on TV.

'Cause the Amish, there's no electric... They can't...

Forgive me, Paul, Jamie.

Do you know Marvin's mother, Cassie Bluestone?

Oh, my goodness!

Rip his heart out, show it to him,

and make it into a soup!

Listen, I just want to say I feel really bad

about what you guys are going through.

You mean Ira? No, no... No, Debbie...

No, no, no, please, you don't have to pretend with me.

We're not... Just do me one favor...

Look, Debbie... and read this book.

Learning to Love Your Spouse.

It almost saved my first marriage.

Did you happen to bring a copy

of Mind Your Own Business?

Better to take it out on me than on each other.

I'm...

Your winner, Bruno "Six-Fingers" Malone.

Get off your sorry butt, Amish Hellcat!

And now, ladies and gentlemen,

it's time for the main event.

Making his entrance to the ring

from Sarasota, Florida,

the five-time heavyweight champion of the world,

"Macho Man" Randy Savage.

Oh, yeah!

Poor Marvin. Ugh.

That macho man is a machomacho man.

I wanna be a macho man.

Listen, kids, I was very sorry to hear

what's going on between you two.

And I want you to know

we'll do everything we can to help you patch it up.

Oh, lordy. Ma, it's not a big deal.

Oh, I know, I know, It's very classy.

It's like you're European royalty.

You each have your own room.

We just have one piece of advice.

Visit her. Visit her in her room.

Go to her.

Okay, thank you, Ma, Dad.

And his opponent now coming to the ring

from darkest Canada,

half man, half monkey,

he's been called the missing link,

the eighth wonder of the world,

and King Wrong.

Here is Gorilla Boy!

Hah! Follow me, Gorilla Boy, come on!

And with him is his manager,

the only human being he will obey,

Dr. Ira Livingston.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Now that's a persona.

Why don't you go in there and put on

the show of your life. Are you ready?

Well, my tail's kind of ridin' up,

but other than that, I'm okay.

Okay, good.

You know, I think I can take him.

What are you talking about, you're scheduled to lose.

Lose? I can't lose, my mom's here.

Marvin, you have gotto lose.

I put serious money on the fact that you're gonna lose.

I told the league you were gonna lose.

I'm sorry, boss, I can't lose.

What about the aping? Don't stop aping.

I can't lose.

I'm not gonna throw this fight.

Have you lost your mind?

You will never wrestle again!

Never wrestle again?

Oh, oh, oh... Okay, I'll let him win.

Yeah, that a Gorilla Boy.

Macho Man is a wuss!

A big wussy!

You're quite a big fan, huh, Mrs. Bluestone?

Oh, yes, yes.

You know, you two are such a handsome couple.

Now that's sweet.

It's a shame you're having such trouble.

Let's get ready to rumble!

Go get 'em, Gorilla Boy!

Now, just take it easy now. Take it easy.

Take... Oh!

I'm okay.

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay.

Not okay!

Oh, no, my neck. Come on, my neck!

Make it end. Make it end. Make it end.

My kidney.

My kidney!

My kidney again.

Oh, here we go.

Can't you just let me lay down?

Boss, are you sure this is such a good idea?

Yeah, yeah, you're doin' great, Gorilla Boy. Here.

Banana.

Oh, no!

Ow... ow... ow...

"Macho Man" Randy Savage!

You're doing a fine job, by the way.

Whoa, yeah!

Ooh... no!

Oh, not up, not up.

Don't wanna be up here.

Why didn't I go to law school?

Oh, this can't be good. What is it?

Here comes the Macho Man Flying Elbow Drop!

That would be the Macho Man

Flying Elbow Drop. Thank you.

Uh-oh.

Boss, help me!

Macho Man

is a wussy!

I'm not going to lose in front of my mom.

Hyah, hyah!

And again... Hah!

Look at me, I'm pounding.

Right in the Macho Man!

Not so much fun now, is it?

Clear. Clear.

Clear. Get out! Hey, buddy. How about it?

Gorilla Boy!

Get 'em, Gorilla Boy!

Now I'm gonna finish you off

with my famous leg twists. Ah!

Hey, hey, Marvin, cut it out!

Leave me alone, boss.

Man, this monkey's dynamite!

Macho Man, his Achilles' heel is his Achilles' heel.

Now is not the time for riddles, okay?

Just bite him on the back of the foot.

Really? Yes!

Is he basically a clean guy?

Just do it!

All right.

Ow!

That's my little weak place on the back of my foot!

Oh, mama!

The winner, "Macho Man" Randy Savage!

I won!

Oh, sorry, Mrs. Bluestone.

Mrs. Bluestone?

Jamie: Hey, you know what?

Do you wanna stay over tonight?

Sleep in here with you?

Why not?

Oh, they got to you, didn't they?

No.

Yes, they did. The nagging Buchmans.

Look what they did. They broke your spirit.

Maybe they have a point in a backward sort of way.

What? No, W-w-what? What?

Maybe it's a slippery slope, you know?

Maybe the first step on the road to ruin

is two or three nights apart.

Maybe we need to be more careful.

Maybe even if we're tempted to sleep apart,

there's a greater, godlier reason to sleep together.

I wanna watch M.A.S.H.

Well, I wanna read about Gwyneth.

Well, go ahead. So that'll be good.

All right.

Hello. My name is Gwyneth, and I'm this big around.

Please stay tuned. M.A.S.H. will be right back.

This could've been my night, Ira.

I could've taken Macho Man apart.

Instead, what happens?

He wins, and I get a one-way ticket to Palookaville.

Come on, Marvin, it worked out great.

You're my manager, Ira,

you shouldn't have done that to me.

You should've looked out for me

instead of tellin' the guy exactly where to bite me.

You saw a lot of money tonight, kid.

You're gonna see a lot more very soon.

You don't understand.

I could've had class.

I could've been a contender

instead of the first wrestler ever defended by his mother,

which is what I am, let's face it.

Marvin, what are you, a psycho, huh?

You're in good with the wrestling league,

they're hyping you to go against the champ in two months.

Really? Yes.

We're in very, very good shape, my friend.

That's what I'm tryin' to tell you.

Oh.

Your attention, please.

Tune in tomorrow night at 11:30, M.A.S.H. fans,

as the Korean War begins all over again

with episode one, the Pilot. That is all.

I went to Juilliard, you know.

Marlon Brando, Al Pacino,

Konstantin Stanislavski, all those guys.

Can't tell you how many movies I've done.

Ten, 15, 20, I lost count, really.

Did you know that my brother's in Chicago?

I mean, not... not the city, the rock group.

So if you ever wanna go to the concerts,

I'll get you front row seats.

Down...

Dr. Livingston, can I see you for a minute?

Come on. Yeah, sure.

Let's go. Nice talkin' to you.

Okay... so where were we?

Closed Captioning: Leanne Royo