Original subtitles

- Oh boy, do I miss the Bronx.

The stickball games, the characters,

jelly apples.

The time when you actually had friends.

I was gonna be a great architect.

I don't know what happened.

Can I have a glass of seltzer water,

a spritz of chocolate syrup

and a dash of milk mixed together?

That's an egg cream.

I don't feel right these days.

Call it midlife crisis if you want.

Me, I tried it all.

Vitamins, EST, low blood sugar tests,

primal scream therapy.

The only thing that makes me feel a little better

is a good old-fashioned egg cream.

- Jerry, do me a favor, will you?

Check with me before you ship the backorders.

What am I supposed to do

with three-piece cheviot suits in Maine?

If we're gonna deal with these manufacturers-

- My lovely wife, Sue.

They were runnin' us.

She wanted me to go with her

to group therapy sessions.

I don't wanna sit there with all those problem cases.

Jerry, are you?

- I'll just sip my egg cream.

Can I have another one please?

- I want the same kind of quality

and the same kind of services we have from Sally.

Okay, you get on top of it and call me back.

Okay, Jerry. Bye.

One minute.

Mm-hmm?

My wife Sue tells me that I behave like a kid.

I don't communicate with her anymore.

What does she want?

She's on the telephone all the time.

- Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

- I don't think plaid is right for him.

- But plaid is the in thing today, Mrs. Rosen.

The girls love plaids absolutely too.

I'm not too sure about this.

- Oh, Mr. Lewis.

Here's your paper.

- Oh thank you, George.

- Okay, can you get them to confirm the availability

of the other colors and sizes?

- We're gettin' the boss' opinion.

- New batch of shirts.

- Hello Mr. Lewis.

Oh, Mrs. Lewis.

Mrs. Rosen's not too crazy about the jacket.

- So what's wrong with the jacket?

You don't like it?

- I'm not too sure about the jacket.

Don't you think the plaid is a little too loud?

- Oh no, that's one of our best.

It's a very quiet, very discrete one.

How do you feel about it, Paul?

Do you like it?

- Yeah, I like it.

- Well he likes it.

But listen, there's plenty of other jackets.

- Oh, Mrs. Lewis. - Yes.

Oh, that's terrific.

One second please.

One minute.

- Numbers, yuck.

I hate numbers.

I should be building skyscrapers.

I could've been as good as Frank Lloyd Wright.

Well if you like it

and the boy likes it- - Oh, excuse me one moment.

- Then I'll take it.

- Hello, yes?

Yes, yes.

I've been trying to confirm.

- I need a blue blazer to go with my new pants.

- Oh I'm sorry, Mr. Goldberg.

Can Louis look after you today?

Harry and I are off to New York tomorrow.

We're taking the kids.

Yeah.

Best time back.

Harry's got a reunion with all the old gang.

Uh-uh, no way.

- Who knows, June?

Maybe.

- Come on, you guys.

I know you're not finished packing.

Will you get moving?

You gotta work on your forehand.

Come on!

- Call you when I get back.

Okay.

- Hi.

- Hey Hilary, what's to eat?

Hey mom.

- Hi. - Hi.

- Well is everybody ready for a slice of the Big Apple?

Yeah, Statue of Liberty.

Times Square.

- Greenwich Village.

- Greenwich village.

- Wait until you taste the New York egg cream.

There's nothing like it in the world.

Oh, hi.

Yeah.

I'd like to confirm our hotel reservations for the trip.

Yeah, we want two double rooms each stop.

Would you like to do this?

- Oh yeah. You have to stay on top of these things.

It's not like the old days.

- You have to check

and recheck. - "Check and recheck."

- Two and three times.

I see it in the store all the time.

- Yeah, this is Mrs. Lewis.

♪ You can say I'm lazy ♪

♪ Slowly goin' crazy ♪

♪ Longin' for a taste of New York air ♪

♪ But what's the sense of talkin' ♪

♪ Wastin' my breath ♪

♪ 'Cause I guess that you just had to be there ♪

♪ People weren't fickle ♪

♪ No one had a dime ♪

♪ But did they care ♪

My friends, my bosom pals.

What a gang.

These guys, I spent half my life with.

Where the hell are you now when I need you?

Joey Kestonbaum and his beanie.

Called him the Idiot.

Me with a head of hair

as high as the third deck at Yankee Stadium.

What a pompadour.

Lacey Liebowitz nickname Meatloaf.

- Wow.

Stanley Mecker alias Stan the Con.

And the most memorable of all, Cheryl Herman.

The queen of tar beach.

♪ Bet we got a million songs to share ♪

♪ Laughin' on the outside ♪

♪ Slightly depressed ♪

♪ 'Cause you know I'd like ♪

The year was 1944.

1944, towards the end of World War II.

I didn't even know there was a war going on.

There seemed to be a sense of happiness in the air,

a unity, a common bond.

All we cared about was playing punchball in the morning

and stickball in the afternoon

and seeing who could hit the ball over to sewers.

We were like brothers.

We didn't have any money.

But if one guy bought a piece of candy, we all shared it.

There wasn't any question in that.

- Your fly's open.

Cheryl Herman got her nickname

as the queen of tar beach because if she wasn't working

in her husband Benny's candy store,

she could be found sunbathing on her tar rooftop.

Boy, did we bother her.

- Meatloaf, settle down.

Funny thing.

In a way, I think she kind of liked it.

I guess she knew we were harmless

and we were just having fun.

- Hey chickie, the cops.

We did that with everybody in the neighborhood.

If we liked someone, we would give 'em a nickname,

initiate 'em and make them one of the gang.

We were all just one big happy family back then.

♪ Over there ♪

♪ Send the word over there too ♪

♪ There ♪

♪ For the Yanks are coming ♪

♪ The Yanks are coming ♪

♪ And we're all gonna be there ♪

- Hiya Como.

- Hi, my name is Frank Cochelli.

- Hey, my name's Joe.

But everybody calls me the Idiot.

- I'm Stan.

- The Con.

- That's Meatloaf, Pompadoure and Gooch.

- Hey, we hear you sing like Perry Como.

- Well.

So we'll call you Como.

- Okay. - You wanna be in our gang?

- You gotta go through initiation like we all did.

♪ Only be there now ♪

- Yeah, okay.

C'mon, what're you doin'?

Hey, get off my pants!

You animals!

Get back with my pants!

- Okay, "Row Row Row Your Boat".

♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪

♪ Gently down the stream ♪

♪ Merrily merrily, merrily, merrily ♪

♪ Life is but a dream ♪

♪ Row, row, row your boat ♪

♪ Gently down the stream ♪

♪ Merrily merrily, merrily, merrily ♪

♪ Life is but a dream ♪

There any more words to that song?

I don't know.

It's a short song.

Um.

- "Oh! Susanna".

- Oh yeah, we could do "Oh! Susanna".

- Okay, let's do it. - Lousy one.

- That'll be fun.

♪ Oh Susanna ♪

♪ Don't you cry for me ♪

♪ 'Cause I come to Alabama with a banjo on my knee ♪

♪ Oh ♪

- If we didn't sit in front of the television set all day.

Well if there was a radio,

we could sit in front of the radios all day long.

- Yes but with the radio,

at least there was room for imagination.

We didn't have to watch reruns.

- You watch television as much as anybody, Harry.

- Well there was no violence.

- What? - That's right.

No violence.

People weren't hitting them over the head

with bottles and guns and nobody was taking pills

and all of the dope and narcotics.

Wilkins Avenue was a very nice place to live.

There were fights.

- Yeah. - People had fights.

- But they were nice fights.

The people were people.

They weren't animals.

Beautiful country.

Real people, not the cooks on the beach

with curlers on their hair.

Yeah. Here, people grow things, work with their hands.

Real people.

Look, would you take those phones off your ears.

When your father talks, you listen.

- Don't they grow mickeys in California?

- Pot, that's what they grow.

Nobody uses their feet except to jog or to play tennis.

Everybody drives a car.

Everybody lives so far away from one another.

What kind of neighborliness does that make for?

That's why we're goin' back to the Bronx

where people are human beings, not robots.

- Hungry?

- Starved.

In the Bronx, people communicated.

They weren't afraid to care, you know?

Everybody ate over at everybody's house.

We slept over.

- Bread.

- But I can explain to you

that on Thursday night and Monday night,

it's usual that the store stays open.

- But that's exactly what I'm saying.

I don't know what you're talking about, Harry.

- What I'm saying is about the mannequins

and the pictures in the windows.

I'm tired of the mannequins.

I wanna have pictures.

You know, pictures that people-

- All right, well get me some good pictures.

What are the pictures you would use?

- Well it's money.

We have to bring someone in to design it for us.

- Well great if we get some good pictures.

Yeah, well I wanna get rid of those mannequins

that you've been having

hanging around in the window forever.

Well listen, just produce me something else.

You got a-

- Just stop arguing with me, will you?

I know what I want. - No, excuse me.

We could have an accident if you're not careful.

Well just look ahead on the road

and just remember we'll get pictures and not mannequins.

Find a rest station.

I gotta go to the toilet.

- Me too.

Would you stop squeezin' your pimples?

You will end up with craters in your face.

- Louis, you're terrific.

It happened beautifully.

Listen, did you check on the reservations

of the San Francisco show?

Great.

Fine.

Harry's fine. Everybody's fine.

Kids are terrific.

Yeah, okay.

Listen, call you from Dallas.

Bye.

Jerry's done it again.

He's got in five dozen men's suits,

small size in Saxony flannel.

Who wants flannel in spring?

Got fat?

Gained weight?

- Everybody gains weight.

- Getting older.

- Everybody gets older.

- Tired?

- Not really.

I'm just thinking about getting a headstart in the morning.

If we really take off, we can make 400 miles tomorrow.

I have an ingrown hair.

Please, Susan. - Massage?

Let's see.

- Do you think we oughta take the children out to dinner

or should we order in?

- Let's order in.

Let's have an early night.

- Yeah, I guess I will go to sleep.

Yeah, I'm gonna get a good night's sleep.

- Okay, Harry.

Sue, I love you.

I always loved you.

It was love at first sight.

I remember the first time I saw you.

It was in your father's dress factory.

I went to borrow a dollar from my old man

to get a jelly apple on a stick, some joke books

and admission to the Freeman movie theater.

- How much, Harry?

- Hey, you have an extra dollar?

I'll pay you back.

Okay, how about 50 cents?

- Harry, what about your future?

You'll be getting outta school soon.

- Don't worry. I'm gonna be a great architect.

Hey thanks, Pop.

Thanks, Uncle Charles.

You really like it?

- Oh yes, my dear.

Your hair looks lovely.

Mommy and I took a trip into Manhattan today

and I had it done.

Where's Daddy?

Oh, he's having lunch.

Are you going somewhere special?

- Forget about it, Harry.

She's outta your class.

She's Wellington's daughter.

Where you surely be the prettiest one there.

- Oh Alan, you're such a good rider.

- You're pretty good too, Sue.

C'mon, I'll race you back to the stable.

- I'm in love!

But I ain't tellin' who.

- No kiddin'.

It ain't my sister, is it?

- Oh Ed, for Christ sakes.

- What's wrong with my sister?

- Nothing's wrong with your sister.

It's not your sister.

It's Sue Wellington.

- Hi boys.

- Hey Como, lend me a nickel.

We haven't seen the Pomp around lately.

- The Idiot told me he was sick.

- Sick?

Sick? - Yeah, sick.

Sick.

He's sick.

He's not in love, he's sick.

Pomp, they forced me.

- Huh?

- That or you should fall in love with Rita Hayworth.

- Pomp, pick somebody you have a chance with.

Pomp, I got an idea.

- Oh no.

Uh-uh.

- I'll get the two of you together.

- I don't wanna be here.

Hey gorgeous.

Oh Ed.

- Hey, I've got two tickets to a show tonight.

- Oh really?

Oh, that sounds wonderful.

We haven't been to the show in a long time.

I can hardly wait.

Bye-bye.

- Quickly, leave your bicycles here. Follow me.

- Okay, it's time.

- There she is.

- What's she doin' here?

- This thing's runnin' too quickly.

- Somebody press the button?

- My eyes.

- Is she goin' down the hall? - Whoa.

Hey, you guys.

Wait for me.

- How do you like that?

The kid's a good kid.

Got it.

I'll get her, I know it.

Excuse me, Miss Wellington?

I'm Stan and these are my associates.

We're working for the ward, so we're tryin' to recruit help.

We're puttin' together the biggest scrap drive

the Bronx has ever seen.

I mean there's tons of it

waiting out there to be converted into weapons for our boys.

Will you help?

- I'd love to.

I'm sure several of the girls here would.

- Okay, there's a guy by the name of Harry Lewis

who's heading up the drive

and there's a meeting tomorrow night

at the Chinese restaurant on Fordham Road.

- I live just around the corner from there.

- You don't say. - Mm-hmm.

Oh, I've got to go.

- Oh, tomorrow night at seven o'clock?

- Okay. - I'll talk to you then.

Bye.

Stan the Con was at it again.

He told me I had a blind date with some cousin of his

all the way from Bensonhurst, Brooklyn.

I had no idea I was gonna be

sitting next to the girl of my dreams.

The worst part is she thought I was putting together

the biggest scrap drive the Bronx had ever seen

and I didn't even know anything about it.

- I'd like to order an egg rolls please.

- I saw. - Perfect.

- Harry, I think it's wonderful what you are trying to do

and we'd love to help.

- Yeah, we would.

- You know, it's not every day

that we get the opportunity to help our country.

We're all dedicated to ending the war too.

Democracy has to be preserved at any cost.

- So what are your plans, Harry?

- Well it takes about five years to qualify.

I figured if I went to night school.

- Night school?

- I mean architecture's my whole life.

- I don't understand.

- The kid's a genius.

He's designing the biggest scrap drive

the Bronx has ever seen.

I mean he's goin' to school for it.

- Waiter, check please.

- You know, Stan the Con got me this job.

He's gonna own New York.

- Jeez, Sue.

You talk beautifully.

- Oh, thank you.

I spent the past four years in a boarding school in London.

So tell me more about the drive.

- Well it's supposed to be the biggest scrap drive

the Bronx has ever thought of.

I'm figuring on bringin' my friends from Charlotte Street,

Seabury, Boston Road.

I even have more buddies on-

- Hey Harry.

Aren't you gonna offer to walk Sue home?

- Sure.

Can I walk you home?

- Okay.

- That Stan the Con, what a guy.

- Isn't he in jail now?

- That was years ago.

He was framed.

- Framed.

Nobody could frame him.

- You just never liked him. Admit it.

- I admit it.

He was a criminal.

He stole, he cheated, he lied.

- He was a fabulous con man, that's all.

You just never had a sense of humor.

So what are you planning to do?

- Well I'm gonna be an architect

and I'm gonna redesign all the streets and houses

of the Bronx.

No more streets for traffic, just for people.

And there's gonna be parks and gardens and playgrounds

and trucks and cars gonna be parked far away from us.

And there's gonna be escalators

that'll bring the people wherever they have to go.

That sounds great.

Hey, you know what I could go for right now?

Some hot wholewheat muffins.

What?

You like wholewheat muffins too?

What a coincidence, they're my favorites.

There's not many people interested

in trying to help their country.

I like you.

- I have to tell you something.

I really didn't know anything about this scrap drive

when I met you tonight.

I mean Stan told me he had a blind date for me.

- You mean he lied to me.

Has this whole evening been a joke?

- Kinda.

I guess Stan was really thinking of me.

I mean I just happen to mention

I'd seen this beautiful girl.

I mean it was just something I said in conversation.

I mean I didn't mean it.

- Where did you see me?

- In your father's dress factory.

- What were you doing there?

- My father works for Mr. Wellington

as a sewing machine operator.

- That's okay, Harry.

It wasn't your fault.

I think you're nice.

Goodnight.

See you soon.

- Thank you.

Thanks a lot.

Thank you.

Thank you, thank you.

Bye.

She likes wholewheat muffins.

Can I come in and get just a few things?

I woke up early.

Please? It's just two things.

That's all.

Really just two things.

Two wholewheat muffins.

Yeah, beautiful. Just two.

Can I come in?

Thank you, I'll be right in.

- Very good, my boy.

- Wonderful, wonderful.

- I sure do enjoy spending my afternoons with you two,

Mr. and Mrs. Wellington.

- Don't you think it's about time

you started calling me dad, son?

- Dad.

Mrs. Wellington, would it be all right if I called you mom?

- I was wondering when you were gonna ask.

- Oh thank you, dear.

- Well I guess that settles that.

Yeah.

- The muffins weren't working.

I don't know where I came off

thinking I had a possibility with her anyway.

Me, Harry Lewis from the Bronx

with Sue Wellington, the most beautiful girl in the world.

I didn't have a chance, but I had to have her.

I had to have her.

I was at the end of my line with one chance left,

Cheryl Herman.

It's Harry, Mrs. Herman.

I hang out with Stan and the boys.

- Get out.

- I need advice on what to do with a girl.

- So you come to me, queen of tar beach?

Isn't that what you boys call me?

- I don't blame ya.

I wouldn't help me either.

I'm a loser.

They should call me the Idiot.

- Who's the girl?

- Sue Wellington.

- You certainly don't make things easy on yourself, do ya?

- I'm a torturer.

I torture myself.

- Okay.

I'll help.

Just don't ask me why.

- She's the most beautiful girl in the world

and she likes wholewheat muffins.

But?

- She's engaged to Alan Childs.

He's Clinton High's track star.

He's the best player on the football team,

the basketball team.

He's also amateur boxing champ.

- Looks aren't everything, Harry.

I bet there's something you can do better than he can.

- What's that?

- I'll let you in secret.

Good athletes are lousy lovers.

You can take that as a rule.

- Yeah, well I'm a pretty lousy lover myself.

I bet you the one girl I ever took out is still laughing.

- Harry, no girl is ever gonna laugh at you again.

I'm going to teach you how to kiss.

It's an art.

Stick out your tongue.

- What?

- Like this.

Now you just keep your tongue there

and you let me do the rest.

- I thought you might like something to eat.

- Thanks, but I'm not hungry.

- What are you studying?

- I'm writing a term paper.

It's due this week.

Hey, where's your English book?

- It's in my bedroom.

- What do you want?

- These are for Sue.

- For Sue?

What is it?

- She'll know.

- From a secret admirer.

So what is it?

God, isn't he pathetic?

- No, I think he's quite nice.

- Then you're pathetic.

I almost got it finished.

- I've been lookin' for you all day.

C'mon, get in.

- No, Alan. I'm busy.

- Busy.

What, with him?

- That's none of your business.

- Have it your way.

Oh, sorry.

- Hey, what'd you do that for?

- I said I was sorry.

- Hey.

That's Alan Childs, amateur boxing champ.

- That pansy?

- What's he doin' that for?

Who does he think he is? - What do I know?

- Hey Joe, what do you know?

- Let's get him.

No, I gotta myself.

- Oh C'mon, Pomp.

He'll eat you for breakfast.

- Yeah, I know.

I think I'm gonna jump in the river.

Guy's gonna kill me.

Look at the size of him.

- He's got muscles the size of my stomach.

C'mon, you can do it, Al.

C'mon.

C'mon, Alan.

C'mon, C'mon.

Keep away from your face, man.

Keep him away from your face.

Kick him in the kneecaps.

C'mon, beat him up.

Keep jabbin', keep jabbin'.

You got it.

- Hit him. - Come on!

Get him, Alan.

Oh my god.

To the left.

Come on, Alan.

- Come on, Alan! - Alan!

Oh my god.

Come on, Alan.

Get him!

Get him, Alan.

C'mon. That's it.

You're winning.

- Attaboy.

- Keep swingin', Pomps.

- Hit it, hit it.

Two more. - Kill him, kill him.

Attaboy, hit him.

- See Pompadoure there? - Hey, what's happening?

- You've had it, kid. - Who's that guy?

- Hey, that's Alan Childs. - Who?

- Hey Pomp, watch this guy.

Come on, Pomp. Get him.

Get up your right. - Pomp, hit him back!

- Come here, guys. I gotta tell you somethin'.

Good athletes are lousy lovers.

This is WKNX Radio Cincinnati.

- Gee, what a great bunch of guys.

The station that plays all the music.

- Again.

♪ Take it slow ♪

♪ Nice and slow ♪

♪ Love is born the first time ♪

♪ And love the first time ♪

♪ Would never fade ♪

♪ This is it ♪

♪ This is real ♪

♪ What you feel the first time ♪

♪ Follow me this one time ♪

♪ Years from now you'll be glad that you stayed ♪

♪ Don't be scared ♪

♪ Don't be shy ♪

♪ We're alone in the middle of the night ♪

♪ So why ♪

♪ Don't we get out ♪

♪ An appetite ♪

- Harry, this is your last lesson.

♪ You relax ♪

♪ Just enjoy ♪

♪ The first time ♪

♪ 'Cause love the first time ♪

♪ Is so unfair ♪

♪ Fools rush in ♪

♪ You'll rush out ♪

♪ On your way to someone ♪

♪ But you'll know who was there ♪

♪ The first time ♪

So what's happenin' with Sue?

- Nothing and I've tried everything.

Volunteer work in the hospital.

I've even given blood once.

There's only one thing I haven't done

and that's the scrap drive.

- Scrap drive?

Yeah, Stan told her

I was heading one.

- So why haven't you done it, Harry?

- But it's supposed to be the biggest

the Bronx has ever seen.

- If you can pull it off-

- I don't know anything about scrap drives.

- Oh, you'll learn.

Show Sue if you put your mind to it, you can do anything.

- Could get Stan and the boys to help.

"Donate your scrap for the war effort.

Help save an American soldier's life."

We'll do it.

We'll collect more scrap metal

than anybody's ever collected before.

Knowing nothing more about the war

than what I had read in the headlines of the "Daily Mirror",

I had to convince the entire neighborhood

that the outcome of World War II

hinged upon the scrap metal drive

that we were about to put together.

Okay, guys?

Hello guys?

Hello.

I guess you're all wondering why you're here, huh?

Yeah.

- Okay, we got to thinking the other day.

Since we aren't old enough to fight,

there's gotta be some way we can help.

Listen, listen.

We're gonna put together the biggest scrap drive ever.

Yeah, scrap drive.

You know, you collect scrap.

We get everybody involved.

Kids, grownups, forevs.

- You're talkin' about a big job, Pompadoure.

- Yeah, but ya owe it to your country.

Everybody's gonna know that the Bronx

did its share of the work.

Bronx doin' its share.

How's a few pieces of scrap gonna help 'em?

- Listen, those few pieces of scrap

could be the ones responsible

for bringin' our boys back home.

- Yeah, that all sounds fine and dandy, Pomp.

But what's in it for Tremont?

- Oh, Tremont.

- Honor, Eddie. Honor.

We're all competing.

The street who collects the most is the winner.

- Of what?

- All right, wait a second.

Let's take this to a vote.

Max the Brain, let's start with you.

Where does Stefan stand?

- I gotta think about it, all right?

- We don't have the time, Max.

Listen, according to my records, you owe me 3.10.

And some of your boys like Willy and Tony owe me a lot more.

You're all in here.

But if you guys commit to helping me with the scrap drive,

I'll burn these debts here and now.

What do you say?

- Sue, I think Pomp's kinda cute.

So the scrap drive was on

and metal was pouring in from everywhere.

Even Benny pitched in,

letting us use this store as our headquarters

and supplying free Cokes for everybody.

Sue really got involved hanging around the neighborhood,

helping out wherever she could.

She was like one of the gang.

We were spending lots of time together.

And of course Stan the Con was there

dancin' his way through the drive

in between his picking up and dropping off

the daily bets for Hymie the Bookie.

He was always up to something.

I got worried when he asked me

how much metal I thought it took

to build the Brooklyn Bridge. Ha!

Well Cheryl was right.

I had to show Sue that when I put my mind to it,

I could do anything.

The big day was here

and Stan the Con was busy counting up all the metal

that had been collected.

- Malinda, what do you think you have by now?

- Oh lots, Stan.

- Lots and lots.

And in the spirit of it all, Como had enlisted.

- Anything? What'd you get?

He wanted to be accepted by us so much.

- I enlisted. - And nobody had told him

how much he really was a part of our gang.

I wish we had.

- Pompadoure? - Yeah.

- We've collected more scrap than anybody

in the history of the Bronx.

- You're kidding.

Sue. - Ow.

- Did you hear that?

It actually worked.

It's the biggest scrap drive the Bronx has ever seen!

The biggest.

- We did it! - We did it!

- Attaboy, Pomp.

We'll beat those Nazis.

You've become quite a star around here.

Yeah.

I want you to know that I liked you before

when all you dreamt over was becoming an architect.

- Really?

Gee.

I wish I knew something better to say than gee.

But gee.

Give me four big ones from the bottom.

- Hey, you wanna taste the greatest pickles in the world?

Hey, don't touch my pickles.

How many?

Six big pickles.

Okay, you want six big pickles for once.

Next.

- What is this, some kinda crazy joke?

What's with the 2 cents a pickle?

What happened to 1 cent?

- It used to be 1 cent.

I gotta pay more money for the cucumbers now.

- So we should suffer because you have problems?

- When I suffer, everybody suffers.

That settles it.

No more pickles today.

- No more pickles? - Come back tomorrow.

Tomorrow. No.

I don't want you around here!

I can't talk to you!

All the time chatter, chatter, chatter, chatter.

- How did his wife put up with him all these years?

Well he's.

Mr. Quinn is open for business.

Don't push. Don't push.

- It's not fair your mother lost her place.

- Don't worry.

He'll remember who's next. - Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Mrs. Lewis was first.

- Aww.

- Mrs. Sandoval. - Sorry.

I'm sorry.

- I see you there in the back.

- Mrs. Lewis.

- Seven pickles.

Four from the bottom, three from the top.

- Harry, maybe.

Just maybe things aren't endin' up the same now.

- Don't tell me about the Bronx.

The spirit there will be the same.

You don't kill the spirit of a place.

Those were wonderful people, wonderful times.

- Yes, they were, Harry.

Wonderful times.

Terrific times.

Awful too.

The war, people were dying.

40 million of them.

- Not on our block, not on Wilkins Avenue.

Thank God.

- No, just Como was killed.

- We're all gonna be 18 in a few months

and we're all gonna be drafted, right?

Why don't we volunteer?

- This way we get to choose the service we want.

- If you were married, would they still draft you?

- I'm not married.

- You could be.

- Pop? - What?

- Pop. - Enjoy.

Enjoy.

- Pop?

- What?

- Nothing.

Pop. - What is it?

- I'm getting married. - Wait!

- That's nice, Harry.

- What is this?

What is this, some kinda crazy joke?

- I love this girl and I wanna marry her.

- What girl?

He doesn't know any girls.

Is he serious?

I'm asking you, are you serious?

No!

I won't let you.

You're too young.

- Who's the girl?

- Sue Wellington.

- The day I lost my mother's ring.

- And she wants to marry you.

- There's gonna be a curse on this house.

- And Mr. Wellington approves?

Harry, she's not pregnant.

- I'll kill you.

- She's not pregnant.

- How come you never brought her here to meet us?

- 'Cause he's ashamed of us.

- I was afraid mom would start yelling.

- Am I yelling?

Mr. Lewis, am I yelling?

You're right and I'm gonna keep on yelling

because you're not gonna marry that girl.

She's a tramp. - Oh for Christ sakes.

Bring her here. Yeah, sure.

- Maybe your mother's right.

Maybe you should get a job first.

Save a few dollars.

Harry, what about your dream of being an architect?

- Look, Pops. Sue and I are getting married

and we're gonna live in her bedroom.

She's gonna be a teacher and she's gonna help me study.

- Never.

Over my dead body!

My baby.

I accept it.

Can you accept this?

I hate her!

- I'm not marrying Alan.

I'm marrying Harry Lewis.

- Who is Harry Lewis?

- He's the son of a man that works for you, Daddy.

I love him.

- Operator Murray Lewis?

- I won't hear of it.

The boy for you is Alan Childs.

All right, so you had a little fight with him.

Well your father and I used to fight all the time too.

Didn't we, darling?

- Susan.

Remember, being a Wellington is almost as important

as being a Rothschild.

- Well soon, I'll be a Lewis.

That's important too.

Harry's going to be a great architect.

- Harry Lewis.

My dear?

- Harry, this is not a game.

- Marriage is a very serious business.

- Susan is accustomed to a certain standard of living.

- True love means being

totally unselfish. - Totally unselfish.

Now you think about that, Harry.

- Do you want a hand, Harry?

Can I help?

Harry, why don't you put the bolts back on

and jack the car up higher?

Okay.

Okay, Mrs. Know-It-All.

If you're so smart, you get out here and change it yourself.

C'mon, C'mon. - 'Kay.

- What are you waiting for?

You're the boss. You're the boss.

You arranged this whole trip.

You arranged our lives.

Well then arrange changing that goddamn tire!

- Harry, what are you saying?

You know I can't do that.

- Can't?

You can't?

Susie Smart-ass can do anything.

Susie Smart-ass is the greatest!

- Harry, for Christ sake.

What's the matter with you?

- I'd hear what they say about me at the store.

I have ears.

Harry Has-been, that's what they called me.

Harry Has-been and his smart-ass wife.

- Harry Has-been.

Well I got somethin' to tell him.

Harry never was.

- Let it out, Susan.

- What happened to you, Harry?

You were the dream.

You who were gonna be the great architect.

All your parks and your gardens and your playgrounds.

All your escalators that were gonna take people

wherever they wanted to go.

- That's enough. That's enough.

- You listen to me, Harry.

I've spent years, arranging this, arranging that

just so the genius could work and splurge.

You've spent your whole life dreaming.

Yes, I run the store.

Yes, I run our lives.

You know why?

Because you won't, you can't.

You're living in the past, Harry.

You can't see now for them.

What about your sex life, Harry?

What about us?

What about me?

I need you to touch me, Harry.

Harry, maybe everyone's right.

Maybe we shouldn't get married.

- We shouldn't get married?

What is this, some kinda crazy joke?

- I just think it's for the best.

- Is this your parents' idea that we shouldn't get married

or is this your idea?

You know, I just don't understand anything.

I just don't understand anything anymore.

You know, Alan Childs.

He just stands there.

He looks good. You love him.

If you knew how hard I'm trying,

I've tried everything in the world to make you love me.

I changed my looks.

I changed my hairdo.

I dress differently.

I almost kill myself every morning

tryin' to bring your wholewheat muffins five stories up.

What else am I supposed to do?

I don't understand.

Alan Childs, he's rich.

Okay, I'm not rich.

But I'm gonna be a great architect.

I'm gonna be a great architect,

so what's he gonna besides a phony?

He's rubber.

He's not gonna be anything.

What do you want me to actually do, kill myself?

Here, here, okay? - I'm sorry!

- I'll lay here and let the train run me over.

Are you happy now?

Is that gonna make you love me?

What am I supposed to do?

I give up!

Stop it!

- And you wanna hear the funniest joke of 'em all?

I love you.

I love you and I don't understand it.

Harry!

- Hilary, would you get me something dry?

Thanks.

- Why don't you take your shirt off?

- I'll be okay.

- Your socks and shoes.

I'll do the driving.

I got your watch.

Fell off.

I guess we should've taken the plane, right?

- Absolutely.

It's a great trip.

- Yeah. - Right, kids?

- Right, kids? - Yeah, right.

Yeah right, dad.

It's a great trip.

Great weather for ducks.

Hear that, kids?

Music, music.

He's a live pickle.

What is he listening to?

Time Wave.

- Come on, boys.

Keep the music up.

That's what I like, dependability.

A hotel room waiting for us at every state.

- Mrs. Lewis.

- You've done it again, Mrs. Dickson.

You've done it again.

- We aim to please.

- Could you call room service

and tell 'em to get the dirty dishes out of there please?

- And oh yes, those go there.

- And the air conditioning.

Can ya get it turned down?

- That one there. Thanks.

Oh, will you call for some tea?

- I'm gonna see if I can reach Hymie.

I'd like the telephone number

of a Hymie or a Joseph Popowitz in Long Island.

Long Island.

No, I don't have the street.

- I'm Andrew.

If there's anything else I can do to help,

you're free to call. - It's New York.

Okay. - Oh, thank you.

- I got the information. - It's okay, I got it.

Now where's stayin'?

They don't have any shower caps, Sue.

I wonder how the other guys slept.

- Lost again.

Ben, gimme a list.

- I don't understand you boys.

There's a war goin' on and all you think about sports.

Camel or Chesterfield?

- Camel.

- You should start thinkin' about a solid profession, Stan.

Instead of bein' a trainee for Hymie the Bookie.

You'll ended up in jail like that one.

- Not me, Ben.

President.

President of United States.

- Gimme the information on the 5th.

- Hello Hymie.

- Lucky for ya.

Hi Stan, what do you got for me?

Yeah?

Okay.

Excellent, Stan.

Numbers too.

- Terrific. - Yeah.

- Talk to ya later. - Okay.

Gimme the place and show horse.

Joe.

Busy Lady.

Very good.

- Hi. - Not now, Pat.

Yeah.

- Dirty Dan in the 5th.

- Okay, okay, okay.

See me later, Pat.

Yeah, now what about the Bingo?

- Joe Lewis, this had better be some kind of crazy joke!

Let go of him.

What're you doing?

He don't need you.

- Don't tell me no. - No!

- You are coming with us, young lady!

- Let go of her. - No!

Your is the prim of tar beach!

- Ma, you got the wrong girl.

It's the wrong girl. - You got the wrong girl.

- No daughter of mine gets married except in a house of God.

- Oh, really?

A house of God is a temple and don't you forget it.

- And when she does get married,

she gets married properly like a Wellington.

- You'll get your wedding

and it'll be the biggest wedding the Bronx has ever seen.

You'll see!

When a Lewis thinks, he thinks big!

Lemme tell ya. - Big, huh?

Big. I'll show you.

You're still not too big.

Now get going!

I don't believe what I'm seeing.

I don't believe what I'm hearing.

Is this what they teach you in school?

- Mr. Wellington, should I come to work tomorrow?

- Stan,

see me later.

- Sue must never hear of this.

Never

Pop? - Huh?

- Tell Mr. Wellington that you're putting up 200 bucks

so that the kids can have a great wedding.

- Where did you get so much money?

I robbed a bank.

What's the difference?

- I asked you a question.

I don't want a joke.

- Look, son.

We only want what's best for you.

This match was not made in heaven.

I mean she's a different class person than we are.

She's gonna want certain things

and you're not gonna be able to give them to her.

Then how are you gonna feel?

- Mom, Sue and I are getting married.

- I'm not going and I hate her.

♪ Being good for my baby ♪

♪ Being good for my baby ♪

♪ So so good for my baby ♪

♪ 'Cause my baby's good for me ♪

♪ Simply good for my baby ♪

♪ 'Cause there's no one I like baby ♪

♪ So I'm just sittin' here craving ♪

- Oh, thank you.

♪ There are lots of girls around ♪

♪ You're just for me ♪

- Mr. Lewis.

Just because I'm dressed like this doesn't mean I'm going.

I am not leaving this chair.

- They're gonna make a fortune.

- I paid the license.

I should get interest, shouldn't I?

- Sure.

Hymie's gettin' interest.

Stan the Con's gettin' 10%.

You should get some.

- You're right.

This is just business.

- All right, listen.

You've been listening by 7th Avenue people right here.

This is Flo, Fanny and Maxine right here.

All of us from 7th Avenue. Good music.

Listen, I see Aunt Joan over there by the potato salad.

If someone would please dance with her,

she's in her third hour of staring at it

and slowly eating her way to oblivion.

This entire affair put together by Stan the Con.

We would not be here eating all this food and drinking

if not for Stan the Con.

How could you do this?

You're usin' this wedding for your own good.

- You lend 'em 20 bucks, you get back 20 bucks.

Who thought of the right words for the invitation?

Who paid for everything?

Tell me, has Mrs. Plumenbough come in yet?

- Not yet.

Do you not want?

Will you take care of it?

- We certainly will.

Certainly will.

- Good evening, Mrs. Lewis.

- Stan, what'd you say on those invitations?

"As much as the groom will shortly be leaving for the front

and unable to support his bride,

may we suggest a cash gift."

What is this leaving for the front?

- You said you might volunteer, didn't you?

Stan, I got married today.

I'm not volunteering.

- We'll send somebody else.

♪ Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me ♪

♪ Anyone else but me ♪

♪ No no no ♪

♪ Don't sit under the apple tree with anyone else but me ♪

♪ 'Til I come marching home ♪

- Can't trust strange glasses.

♪ With anyone else but me ♪ - No.

♪ Anyone else but me ♪

♪ No no no ♪

♪ Don't sit under the apple tree ♪

- You're not eating, my darling.

- I'm afraid I've lost what little appetite I had.

- What is this, some kinda crazy joke?

They call this a sandwich?

- What are our friends going to say?

- We won't have any.

- A-one, two, three.

♪ Of all the boys I've known and I've known some ♪

♪ Until I first met you I was lonesome ♪

♪ And when you came in sight, dear ♪

♪ My heart grew light ♪

♪ And this whole world seemed new to me ♪

♪ You're really swell, I have to admit you ♪

♪ Deserve expressions that really fit you ♪

♪ And so I've racked my brain ♪

♪ Hoping to explain all the things that you're doing to me ♪

♪ Bei mir bist du schon ♪

♪ Please let me explain ♪

♪ Bei mir bist du schon means that you're grand ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

- Hymie, Whirlwind in the 5th.

- Not now.

- C'mon, take it. Take it.

- See me later. See me later.

♪ I could say Bella, Bella ♪

♪ Even sehr wunderbar ♪

- I love you, you know?

- I love you, Daddy.

♪ How grand you are ♪

♪ I've tried to explain ♪

- Promise me one thing.

Every Friday night you make my son chicken soup, huh?

Aww, you're beautiful.

- I'd love to finish our dance.

- Oh yeah.

She's a pretty girl.

♪ I'll be with you ♪

♪ In apple blossom time ♪

♪ I'll be with you ♪

♪ To change your name to mine ♪

- Harry's a lucky boy.

You're a beautiful bride.

- Thank you.

I think I'm rather lucky too.

- And don't worry about his good looks.

They'll go away.

♪ What a wonderful weddin' there will be ♪

♪ What a wonderful day for you and me ♪

- I'm stuck.

- Yeah, I'm stuck too.

Do you wanna come?

- Your night, Harry.

- C'mon, we're right around the Bronx.

- I'm taking the kids to a movie.

- The kids don't need you.

- Oh for Christ's sake.

Why didn't you go take a flying leap into your past?

- Okay, I will!

You know why?

Because it's better!

Hey.

Hey, I wanna go to the East Bronx.

- The East Bronx? - Yeah.

- Ever been there before?

- Well a long time ago.

- Well do yourself a favor, buddy.

Keep it that way.

- Hey, I'm goin'. But I gotta walk.

I gotta walk.

- Hey.

- This doesn't even look like New York to me.

- Well it's New York, babe.

It's the same New York just a little dirtier, that's all.

And I was born two blocks from here,

Charlotte Street and Boston Road.

I even went to Pier 61.

God, what the fuck, man?

This is Southern Boulevard.

I can't believe this is New York City.

Well this is Southern Boulevard right here.

- Southern Boulevard? - Yeah.

It used to be the busiest street in the Bronx.

- This is Southern Boulevard?

Yup.

Stop, stop.

Stop the cab.

- What's the matter? You been here?

- I used to live here.

- Harry?

- Hey good-lookin'.

Would you be lookin' for a genuine virgin?

- Why, are you offering?

- Uh-huh.

Could be your lucky night.

- Do you have a room here?

- Uh-huh.

Big one.

- Well can I buy you a cup of coffee?

- Sure.

Nice guys don't come back around too often though.

- Is there a laundromat around here?

- Yeah, just around the corner.

What do you do?

- I'm an architect.

- Are ya?

- Stop. Stop the cab.

We're not there yet, lady.

- Yes, I know.

- Ma'am. - Go on.

- Make up your mind, lady.

It's Easy Money time.

The Easy Money show where everybody wins

and everybody just could be you and you and you.

Now here's your Easy Money master of ceremonies,

Charlie Lincoln.

Thank you, Johnny.

And good evening, ladies and gentlemen.

Yes, it's Easy Money Charlie Lincoln

and I'm here to give away money.

I've got a block of money

that's burning in my pockets.

Johnny, Johnny, Johnny.

What's up?

- Hi.

My voice comes from changing flats in the rain.

You go out with your old friends?

- That's tonight, the reunion.

I was just walkin'.

All night?

- Yeah, all night.

Why, were you worried?

- No.

Not really.

How did the old neighborhood look?

- It's all different.

Everything's changed.

- It all changed?

You don't mean to tell me the good old days

have gone and died on you.

- You don't have to be sarcastic.

- See any violence when you were out walking?

Somebody kill someone?

- I saw you with that woman, Harry.

Keep your straight, honey.

Here it is.

- Well I'm not impotent with hookers, Sue.

- What's that?

- I get it up with a hooker. I'm normal.

I'm just impotent with you.

- How many women have you had in the last five years?

- Oh, thousands.

Thousands.

- Congratulations.

- Hey, are you guys ready?

- Ask yourself why, Sue.

Ask yourself why.

- Hey mom, come on.

- Got a day with the kids in Chinatown, remember?

- Mom, can you get Hilary outta the bathroom?

She's been in there all morning.

Are you ready for Chinatown?

- Sure.

- Well Chinatown's gonna love you.

Well today's the big day.

- You bet I'm ready.

Hilary!

- Hey, it's Pompadoure without the pompadour.

- Meatloaf!

I'd recognize you in a second.

Normie, what'd you put on your head?

Eddie, look at you.

Shamus.

- And the Gooch.

The Gooch is here.

- Well guys, we finally made it.

All except Stan the Con who has been detained

in a Swiss prison in Geneva.

10 years, I think he got.

10 years.

- 10 years.

- Gentlemen, gentlemen.

To absent friends,

Como and Stan the Con.

- Hey, you guys remember Irene Humptonbuyer?

- Hey. Hey, it's Alan.

Yeah, it's Alan Childs.

Hey Alan, successful pharmacist.

How's life at the docks?

- You know, no complaint.

Hey Harry, did you become the great architect?

- All these marvelous buildings that Harry never built.

I thought he stopped.

Stopped dreaming.

- Mom, these drawings are not that great.

- That's terrific.

What're you talking about, Donny?

- No, they're not.

- But they're great.

- No, they're not.

Does it matter?

- No.

No.

No, of course it doesn't matter.

Just that he's drawing.

Muah and I gotta go find him.

Did you hear Idiot is the head

of a very successful advertising firm?

- The kid from the Bronx drives a limo.

- And I'm drivin' a taxi.

- Hey, you know what I found out?

All the homely girls got so pretty.

Pretty girls, not so homely.

- Sue did not get homely.

My Sue is not homely.

- Harry, quiet Casanova.

The guy who got ahold of the best-looking broad

in New York City.

- Two of the best-lookin' broads.

Hey, you guys remember the queen of tar beach?

- Yeah, you know the one

who Pomps kissed and wouldn't tell.

Come on. - How was it?

We all knew. - Yeah, sure.

Keep a secret on Wilkins Avenue.

- Like I said quiet Casanova.

Okay, Harry.

So you made out pretty well

with Cheryl and countless others.

How do you make out with Sue?

- Sue?

Oh, Sue.

Sue, she's great.

Dynamite Sue.

Still get it up.

Can ya, Harry?

- Oh yeah, yeah.

No, I'm happy.

- I heard things weren't going so well between you two.

- Really? Where did you hear that?

Where'd you hear that, Alan?

Rumors. You know, rumors.

- Rumors.

Rumors. What do you people know?

Now you listen to me, Alan.

All of ya and listen to me good.

Sue and I.

Sue and I have the greatest relationship

of any two people I know.

We're more in love now than we've ever been.

We're more in love than the day we got married.

We make love.

We make love at night, in the morning,

wherever we want to.

Listen to me, guys.

Yeah, right.

And she's better.

I'm better.

It's better.

Sue is a great lover and a great mother

and a great wife and a great career woman.

And we've got the greatest two kids in the world.

So don't tell me about rumors.

- Well I guess we helped make the original happy marriage.

- Yeah, sounds like it.

- Career woman also, huh?

- Well I'll tell you she runs the entire clothing store.

I help.

- Well congratulations, Harry.

So you never did become a great architect.

- No.

Well the kids were born.

They had to be fed.

I guess the store was meant to be a stepping stone,

but it took us over.

It took her over.

- Harry.

- She's fantastic at it.

I mean she just makes it work, became successful.

But then she forgot about us, me.

I guess I couldn't deal with that.

She stopped believing in me.

The truth is I wasn't very good

and I just couldn't tell her.

No.

Look, I still draw.

I still draw a little bit on the sly.

I just couldn't tell her that I was just a ordinary guy.

No big deal. No great architect.

Just a

guy who owns a clothing store.

You guys wanna know the real truth about Sue and I?

Yeah, yeah.

- Okay, I'll tell you the real truth.

The real truth.

- Come on, Harry.

Let's go home.

- See ya later, Sue. - Bye.

Harry's just like he was before.

It's so important now to move ahead

because I wanna change everything.

- I wanna go back to school again.

I'm gonna be a teacher.

I'll be the school teacher I always wanted to be.

- Well you should do everything you wanna do.

- Should we keep the store?

- Well we have to keep the store.

But what I wanna do is redesign all this space,

make it more modern.

No, useful.

- You could redesign it.

- Make a place to sell other things besides clothes.

- We could sell radiograms and tape recorders.

- Maybe sports equipment and we'll have music plugged in.

And darling, we'll build that dream house

I always promised you, Sue.

And the kids are gonna help us build it.

We'll do it.

We're gonna do it all, everything we always dreamed of.

You shouldn't have to go to sleep to dream.

It's life.

You can live a dream.

♪ Was it just yesterday ♪

♪ When we were both young ♪

♪ Two children, it seems ♪

♪ In search of our dreams ♪

♪ And what made all those dreams of ours disappear ♪

♪ We filled them with love ♪

♪ Destroyed them with fear ♪

♪ Where is the love we shared ♪

♪ When passions were high ♪

♪ The world spun around ♪

♪ And we touched the sky ♪

♪ Was it so wrong to think that we'd never change ♪

♪ That we'd somehow ♪

♪ Stay the same ♪

♪ If only we had seen the danger ♪

♪ Up ahead ♪

♪ Would we have shared our thoughts ♪

♪ And gone a different way ♪

♪ Instead of leading with our hearts ♪

♪ My love, when did you stop ♪

♪ Believing in me ♪

♪ In what we could be ♪

♪ In yesterday's dreams ♪

♪ That we ♪

♪ Dared to dream ♪

♪ Was it just yesterday ♪

♪ When we were both young ♪

♪ Two children, it seems ♪

♪ In search of our dreams ♪

♪ My love, when did you stop ♪

♪ Believing in me ♪

♪ In what we could be ♪

♪ In yesterday's dreams ♪

♪ That we ♪

♪ Dared ♪

♪ To dream ♪