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1
00:00:05,839 --> 00:00:08,042
Skip, what are you doing?
2
00:00:08,076 --> 00:00:10,178
Oh, just collecting roses
for my lady.
3
00:00:10,211 --> 00:00:11,212
Your lady?
4
00:00:11,245 --> 00:00:12,680
Remember Stacey Kim
5
00:00:12,713 --> 00:00:14,014
from the mailroom?
6
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:15,883
Well, I asked her out,
and she said yes.
7
00:00:15,916 --> 00:00:16,850
Isn't Stacey the one
8
00:00:16,884 --> 00:00:18,719
that ran away when you asked her
9
00:00:18,752 --> 00:00:20,654
to be your girlfriend
in a room full of senators?
10
00:00:20,688 --> 00:00:22,223
I was hoping you'd forget
about that, but yes.
11
00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:23,524
She also said
she's gonna give me
12
00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:25,159
one more chance.
13
00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:27,027
However, if you heard the way
in which she said it,
14
00:00:27,061 --> 00:00:29,163
you'd realize I really do have
to make this
15
00:00:29,197 --> 00:00:30,598
the most romantic night ever.
16
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:31,765
And you know how to do that?
17
00:00:31,799 --> 00:00:33,601
Rose petals wherever she goes.
18
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:36,003
Getting in the car, rose petals.
19
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,672
At the dinner table,
rose petals.
20
00:00:38,706 --> 00:00:40,574
Go to the bathroom,
"What's that, Stacey?
21
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:41,909
What's that all over the seat?"
22
00:00:41,942 --> 00:00:43,511
Those are rose petals.
23
00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:46,814
It's gonna be pretty classy.
24
00:00:48,949 --> 00:00:50,084
I don't want to tell you how
to do your job,
25
00:00:50,118 --> 00:00:51,685
but if he's got a blade
26
00:00:51,719 --> 00:00:54,322
in his hands,
you're doing it wrong.
27
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:02,896
DALE:
We better get this version
28
00:01:02,930 --> 00:01:04,565
of the bill to Congress,
29
00:01:04,598 --> 00:01:06,700
so they can get a head start
on not reading it.
30
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,035
My point is
31
00:01:08,068 --> 00:01:08,869
they don't do anything.
32
00:01:08,902 --> 00:01:09,937
Good one, sir.
33
00:01:09,970 --> 00:01:10,971
(laughter)
34
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:14,708
Are you sure you want
to go down this road?
35
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,944
There are plenty of other things
we could do tonight.
36
00:01:16,977 --> 00:01:18,712
It doesn't have to be like this.
37
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,149
So you surrender
without a fight?
38
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:24,017
I'll set it up.
39
00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:27,555
BECCA:
Hey Dad, we just saw
40
00:01:27,588 --> 00:01:29,056
the most amazing exhibit
41
00:01:29,089 --> 00:01:30,958
at the National Gallery.
What'd you see?
42
00:01:30,991 --> 00:01:33,827
Microscopes and Petticoats:
Portraits of Female Scientists
43
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:35,463
at the Dawn
of Women's Suffrage.
44
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:37,331
Oof, sorry, son.
It's okay.
45
00:01:37,365 --> 00:01:40,401
Becca said if we're gonna
make this relationship work,
46
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,102
we need to learn about
each other's interests.
47
00:01:42,136 --> 00:01:43,904
Yesterday, we watched Iron Man.
Again.
48
00:01:43,937 --> 00:01:46,006
Oh, and I got this
awesome shirt
49
00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,441
with this dude on it.
50
00:01:47,475 --> 00:01:48,976
That's Marie Curie.
Yeah, that's the guy.
51
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:50,911
(groans)
52
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,313
Risk?
53
00:01:52,346 --> 00:01:54,348
Last time you played Xander,
I seem to recall
54
00:01:54,382 --> 00:01:56,484
someone spent the rest
of the night in tears.
55
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:58,186
It was a big win;
I was emotional.
56
00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,020
You're in big trouble, Dad.
57
00:02:00,053 --> 00:02:01,755
I'm studying game theory.
58
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,924
You can try to
counteract my plans,
59
00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:07,361
but I've already
counter-counteracted your plans.
60
00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:08,762
If you need me,
I'll be in here.
61
00:02:08,796 --> 00:02:11,299
(whispers):
Your mind.
62
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:12,666
I'm loving the trash talk.
63
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,867
SKIP:
Quick question. If I wanted
64
00:02:13,901 --> 00:02:15,769
to rent a hot air balloon
on short notice,
65
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,438
could I drop your name
to the balloon company
66
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,939
just to speed
up the process?
67
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:20,941
Skip, you don't need
a hot air balloon.
68
00:02:20,974 --> 00:02:22,943
Well, then where am I supposed
to sing my song, Emily?
69
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,278
Your song?
At the end of the night,
70
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:26,046
just as Stacey's thinking
to herself,
71
00:02:26,079 --> 00:02:28,449
"My, God, this has been the best
six hours of my life,"
72
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:29,450
that's when I'm gonna
seal the deal
73
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:30,951
by singing
74
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:31,885
the most romantic song
of all time,
75
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,654
"Fever" as performed
76
00:02:33,687 --> 00:02:35,989
by Ella Fitzgerald
as performed by Skip Gilchrist.
77
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:38,226
Oh, that sounds amazing.
It's all about matching
78
00:02:38,259 --> 00:02:42,029
Ella's balance of toughness
and sensuality.
79
00:02:42,062 --> 00:02:43,997
My friend, Dominic,
from the D.O.D.
80
00:02:44,031 --> 00:02:45,633
is gonna accompany me
on the accordion.
81
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,801
But don't let the name
fool you, he's Jewish.
82
00:02:47,835 --> 00:02:49,803
Oh, game time; have fun, guys.
83
00:02:49,837 --> 00:02:51,171
All right, D.B. and I
84
00:02:51,205 --> 00:02:52,973
are gonna go paint a mural
for the baby.
85
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,142
Microscopes and Petticoats
was just so inspiring.
86
00:02:55,175 --> 00:02:56,910
So no one wants to tap
87
00:02:56,944 --> 00:02:58,145
the brakes
on the old Skip-mobile?
88
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,680
It's just a date, Emily.
89
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,382
Some of the worst disasters
in my life
90
00:03:01,415 --> 00:03:02,883
came in the form of dates.
91
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,253
(chuckles)
That's why we skipped the date.
92
00:03:05,286 --> 00:03:07,087
Just leave him alone.
93
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:08,656
It's just,
Skip's such a nice guy.
94
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,724
I know how I was with nice guys
when I was Stacey's age,
95
00:03:10,758 --> 00:03:12,593
and I don't want her to make
the same mistake with Skip.
96
00:03:12,626 --> 00:03:14,061
Emily, just let one moment
97
00:03:14,094 --> 00:03:16,330
in life go untouched
by your influence.
98
00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:18,065
That was supposed
to sound playful,
99
00:03:18,098 --> 00:03:20,067
but it came off kind of mean.
100
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:21,369
No, you're right.
I should just
101
00:03:21,402 --> 00:03:23,036
let him make his own mistakes.
102
00:03:23,070 --> 00:03:24,372
It's the only way
he'll learn.
103
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,175
(gasps)
104
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,510
Major breakthrough.
We're putting
105
00:03:29,543 --> 00:03:31,178
rose petals inside the balloons
106
00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:33,414
so that when they pop,
they'll explode love
107
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,082
all over Stacey.
108
00:03:35,115 --> 00:03:38,118
Skip, sweetie,
you've got such a big heart.
109
00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:39,620
The doctors say dangerously so.
110
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:40,954
And I know, sometimes,
when you have
111
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:41,955
a crush on someone,
you feel like
112
00:03:41,989 --> 00:03:43,424
you should do all these big,
113
00:03:43,457 --> 00:03:45,025
romantic gestures,
114
00:03:45,058 --> 00:03:47,528
but too much can be a bad thing.
115
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:49,530
And that's why I think,
for tonight,
116
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:51,031
you have to take
all the great things
117
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,366
that make Skip Skip,
118
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:53,934
and just...
119
00:03:53,967 --> 00:03:56,537
kind of scale it back
a little bit.
120
00:03:56,570 --> 00:03:58,105
Shouldn't I just be myself?
Totally.
121
00:03:58,138 --> 00:03:59,607
I'm saying be yourself,
122
00:03:59,640 --> 00:04:02,476
just... like, 60% of yourself.
123
00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:04,478
(balloon pops)
124
00:04:04,512 --> 00:04:07,147
Forty percent.
125
00:04:07,180 --> 00:04:08,449
Well, here's a question for you.
Uh-huh?
126
00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:10,083
Which part of Skip
should I skip?
127
00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:12,986
(laughs)
128
00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:14,655
Tell you what.
129
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:17,358
Let's-let's just...
130
00:04:19,493 --> 00:04:22,129
Okay, I'm Stacey.
131
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:24,932
What's the first thing you say
when we sit down?
132
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:26,734
I love you.
Uh, no.
133
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:28,336
That's what I'm talking about.
134
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,504
If you say that in the first
three seconds of the date,
135
00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:31,972
you are going to freak her out.
136
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,241
Trust me, I've been
on a lot of first dates.
137
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,743
Does Dad know?
In the past.
138
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,778
Oh, of course.
And I've picked up
139
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,179
a few tricks, okay?
140
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,481
I'm not saying you have
to change everything.
141
00:04:40,514 --> 00:04:43,283
You can still be nice,
just not too nice.
142
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:45,185
Nice but not too nice.
143
00:04:45,218 --> 00:04:47,688
Play hard to get.
Tease her a little bit.
144
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,289
So you're saying
I should just insult her?
145
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:52,259
No. I mean, it'll draw her in
a little bit at first,
146
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,961
and she'll think with some work
she can change you,
147
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:55,529
but in the end she'll realize
you'll never change,
148
00:04:55,563 --> 00:04:57,030
and her father was right,
149
00:04:57,064 --> 00:04:58,198
and you stolen her 20s,
Russell Peterson.
150
00:04:58,231 --> 00:05:00,167
(whispering):
What's happening?
151
00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:01,234
Let's regroup.
152
00:05:05,138 --> 00:05:08,809
It's not too late
to call this off.
153
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:10,277
The supreme art of war
is to subdue
154
00:05:10,310 --> 00:05:11,545
the enemy without fighting.
155
00:05:11,579 --> 00:05:13,146
Classic Sun Tzu.
156
00:05:13,180 --> 00:05:14,348
Nice try, Dad.
157
00:05:14,382 --> 00:05:16,384
Talk your game theory
all you want,
158
00:05:16,417 --> 00:05:18,151
but do you see that?
159
00:05:18,185 --> 00:05:21,221
I got that sword when
I became a Marine.
160
00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,491
I've been playing Risk
a long time, son,
161
00:05:23,524 --> 00:05:25,993
only in real life.
162
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,961
Ooh, I want a sword.
163
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:30,731
Focus, Xander;
show no weakness.
164
00:05:30,764 --> 00:05:32,666
That's a sword
for a warrior,
165
00:05:32,700 --> 00:05:35,035
not a toy for a little kid.
166
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,337
And so it begins.
167
00:05:37,371 --> 00:05:38,406
Hey.
168
00:05:38,439 --> 00:05:40,173
Can I play?
169
00:05:42,275 --> 00:05:43,511
So, what are we painting?
170
00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,145
It's a mural
of Marie Curie looking
171
00:05:45,178 --> 00:05:47,981
through a microscope,
but what she's looking at
172
00:05:48,015 --> 00:05:49,850
is the history of women's
achievements over time.
173
00:05:49,883 --> 00:05:51,752
(laughing):
What?
174
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,220
No, seriously, what
are we painting?
175
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:55,322
I was thinking,
like, a sweet truck
176
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:56,390
with a teddy bear driving it.
177
00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:57,758
(laughs)
178
00:05:57,791 --> 00:05:59,226
No, seriously.
179
00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:00,394
I figured it all out.
180
00:06:00,428 --> 00:06:01,862
I mapped the entire mural
on a grid
181
00:06:01,895 --> 00:06:03,263
using the Pantone color system.
182
00:06:03,296 --> 00:06:04,998
All we have to do
is fill in the squares.
183
00:06:05,032 --> 00:06:06,734
There are 1,024 squares.
184
00:06:06,767 --> 00:06:09,403
Fun.
185
00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:10,704
All right, let's
try this again.
186
00:06:10,738 --> 00:06:12,072
Do not discuss politics
187
00:06:12,105 --> 00:06:14,274
or religion
or past relationships.
188
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,076
Keep it light, smile,
189
00:06:16,109 --> 00:06:18,011
show just the right amount
of interest,
190
00:06:18,045 --> 00:06:19,947
laugh at her jokes,
do not laugh
191
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:21,515
at your jokes.
192
00:06:21,549 --> 00:06:23,083
And go.
193
00:06:23,116 --> 00:06:26,854
Stacey, have you ever..
had that mole checked?
194
00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:28,255
I know that's not good,
195
00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,390
but I'm not sure why.
Are moles political?
196
00:06:30,424 --> 00:06:32,259
I think I'm making this more
complicated than it really is.
197
00:06:32,292 --> 00:06:33,727
No, it's okay.
198
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:36,229
I just have to get used
to the fact that every instinct
199
00:06:36,263 --> 00:06:38,231
I have is a dirty lie
that will ruin everything.
200
00:06:38,265 --> 00:06:39,967
Look, here's a trick
that I taught your father
201
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,602
for when he needs
to think things through.
202
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:43,103
If you feel like
you're gonna blurt
203
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:44,271
something out
that you shouldn't,
204
00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:47,407
just take a long sip of water
205
00:06:47,441 --> 00:06:49,743
and figure out what
you're going to say.
206
00:06:49,777 --> 00:06:50,778
Let's practice.
207
00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:54,414
Spider-Man can beat up Batman.
208
00:07:00,287 --> 00:07:03,624
Well, what an interesting
opinion you have.
209
00:07:03,657 --> 00:07:04,925
That's it! You did it.
210
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:06,159
That's your secret weapon.
211
00:07:06,193 --> 00:07:07,495
Oh, good.
I just wanted to punch you
212
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,096
in the damn face
when you said that.
213
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:10,297
Great, Skip.
Do you think you're ready?
214
00:07:10,330 --> 00:07:11,565
Yeah.
215
00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:12,733
I just need to be nice,
216
00:07:12,766 --> 00:07:14,301
but not too nice and also mean,
217
00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:15,268
drink water constantly,
218
00:07:15,302 --> 00:07:16,436
not talk about any
219
00:07:16,470 --> 00:07:18,271
of my favorite subjects,
220
00:07:18,305 --> 00:07:20,107
only order one entrée--
we'll see how that goes--
221
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:21,775
and basically not be myself
222
00:07:21,809 --> 00:07:24,745
so that she'll like me,
the new me,
223
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,113
the one we just made.
224
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,481
Good.
225
00:07:27,515 --> 00:07:30,083
Okay.
226
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:33,320
Nice job
picking the place, Skip.
227
00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:35,623
I love you... nicorns;
such noble creatures.
228
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,658
Yeah, they're pretty neat.
229
00:07:37,691 --> 00:07:39,259
And may I just say,
230
00:07:39,292 --> 00:07:42,162
that's an absolutely disgusting
sweater in a great way.
231
00:07:42,195 --> 00:07:44,532
Makes your breasts look sleek
for a mail carrier.
232
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:46,500
I guess women really can
have it all. Caviar?
233
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:52,540
How's the conversation going?
234
00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:55,375
He's dying in here, ma'am.
235
00:08:02,249 --> 00:08:03,383
I'll put all my armies in China.
236
00:08:03,416 --> 00:08:04,384
My people focus
237
00:08:04,417 --> 00:08:06,486
on building roads,
libraries and hospitals.
238
00:08:06,520 --> 00:08:09,322
That's not how the game
is played, Marigold.
239
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:10,624
You have to attack.
240
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:11,992
Okay, I'll attack you.
241
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,293
But, sweetie, you have
to have a plan.
242
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:15,462
This is a complex game
243
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,230
of strategy and chance.
244
00:08:17,264 --> 00:08:18,866
Seems like I just roll
the stupid dice
245
00:08:18,899 --> 00:08:20,300
and take your stupid countries.
246
00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:21,869
Whoo.
247
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:29,176
(slurps)
248
00:08:29,209 --> 00:08:30,477
Code Red.
Tommy, I need you
249
00:08:30,510 --> 00:08:32,312
to spill that drink on Stacey
250
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,314
and get her out of there
so I can talk to Skip.
251
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,515
I really don't want to, ma'am.
252
00:08:35,549 --> 00:08:37,250
Go in now.
253
00:08:40,220 --> 00:08:42,756
I'm sorry to bother you...
Oh, I'm-I'm...
254
00:08:42,790 --> 00:08:44,725
Damn it, Tommy, I'll have you
court-martialed for this.
255
00:08:44,758 --> 00:08:46,393
I'm just kidding; I'd never.
256
00:08:46,426 --> 00:08:48,562
It's okay; that's why
I ordered white wine.
257
00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:50,197
I had a feeling.
258
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:51,699
I'll be right back.
I'm sorry.
259
00:08:51,732 --> 00:08:55,268
Here, take this.
It's your stepmother.
260
00:08:55,302 --> 00:08:56,770
Hello, Emily, what's going on?
261
00:08:56,804 --> 00:08:58,371
Is it Papa? Am I president?
262
00:08:58,405 --> 00:09:00,207
No, Skip, listen,
263
00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:02,009
I'm outside
watching you,
264
00:09:02,042 --> 00:09:04,277
and you're not doing anything
we talked about.
265
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:05,378
I'm doing everything
we talked about.
266
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:06,446
None of it's working.
267
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:08,481
You're outside, watching me?
268
00:09:10,450 --> 00:09:11,752
(over earpiece):
Calm down.
269
00:09:11,785 --> 00:09:12,953
We can fix this.
270
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:14,387
She's coming back.
271
00:09:14,421 --> 00:09:15,555
Momily, she's coming back.
272
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,024
Repeat:
she's coming back.
273
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:19,426
Skip, if you want
to save this date,
274
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:20,694
say exactly
275
00:09:20,728 --> 00:09:21,829
what I say.
276
00:09:22,830 --> 00:09:24,231
Too bad, kids.
277
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:25,365
This just isn't your night.
278
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,867
Don't worry, you'll take me down
279
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,201
some day, Xander.
280
00:09:28,235 --> 00:09:31,438
I place my 20 armies in Siam
281
00:09:31,471 --> 00:09:34,407
and attack Australia.
282
00:09:34,441 --> 00:09:36,977
I did not see that coming.
283
00:09:37,010 --> 00:09:39,647
Everyone knows Australia
is the key to victory,
284
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,915
and you left it undefended,
285
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:44,952
'cause you were too worried
about Marigold.
286
00:09:46,453 --> 00:09:48,388
Looks like this may just be
my night.
287
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,291
Australia, that's, uh...
288
00:09:51,324 --> 00:09:53,794
(laughing):
that's a good... (slurps)
289
00:09:53,827 --> 00:09:55,495
Mmm.
290
00:09:59,032 --> 00:10:00,100
We need more snacks.
291
00:10:01,301 --> 00:10:04,304
General,
sorry to call you so late.
292
00:10:04,337 --> 00:10:05,939
The president needs
the contingency plans
293
00:10:05,973 --> 00:10:07,808
for an attack on Australia?
294
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:09,609
Do those even exist?
295
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,116
Hey, I may have something.
296
00:10:16,149 --> 00:10:17,651
(gasps)
Hey, how about just
297
00:10:17,685 --> 00:10:19,086
a tiny red lightning bolt
right here?
298
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:20,620
Ooh, I like that idea,
299
00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:22,622
but let's just put that one
in the maybe pile.
300
00:10:22,656 --> 00:10:24,357
The maybe pile's getting kind
of full, babe.
301
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:25,959
It's got a truck, Iron Man,
302
00:10:25,993 --> 00:10:27,594
Uncle Randy up in Heaven,
looking down...
303
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:28,929
And those are all
304
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,430
really great ideas--
I just don't know
305
00:10:30,463 --> 00:10:31,765
if they're right for our baby.
306
00:10:31,799 --> 00:10:33,767
You know what,
I'm painting my own thing.
307
00:10:33,801 --> 00:10:35,502
D.B.--
308
00:10:35,535 --> 00:10:37,037
(gasps)
309
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:39,472
(exhales)
310
00:10:39,506 --> 00:10:41,875
Hypothetically,
if we're facing an enemy
311
00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:44,778
with troops in Australia
and Western Europe,
312
00:10:44,812 --> 00:10:47,014
and we're holed up in
the Ural Mountains and Yakutsk,
313
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:49,649
what would our plan be?
314
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:53,954
Have you been
playing Risk, sir?
315
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,522
Yeah.
316
00:10:55,555 --> 00:10:57,290
And I'm losing to Xander.
317
00:10:57,324 --> 00:10:59,659
It's the first time
it's ever happened.
318
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:01,628
I'm being ridiculous.
319
00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,663
I'm sorry
for wasting everybody's time.
320
00:11:03,697 --> 00:11:05,398
You're not being
ridiculous, sir.
321
00:11:05,432 --> 00:11:06,900
The first time you lose
a game to your son
322
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:09,402
is the day everything changes.
323
00:11:09,436 --> 00:11:11,071
Well, I don't know
about that, but...
324
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:13,340
You're not Superman anymore--
you're just some old guy
325
00:11:13,373 --> 00:11:15,709
who lives in his house
and makes love to his mom.
326
00:11:15,743 --> 00:11:17,177
MAURER:
After my Tricia beat me
327
00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:18,645
in air hockey
for the first time,
328
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,480
it was in
with the nose ring,
329
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,016
pink with the hair and
gone with the virginity.
330
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:24,551
Next thing you know,
she's on the back
331
00:11:24,584 --> 00:11:26,586
of a scooter with
a guy named Motorcycle.
332
00:11:26,619 --> 00:11:30,257
Sir, it is our recommendation
that you do not lose this game.
333
00:11:31,925 --> 00:11:33,994
Okay, what's the strategy?
334
00:11:34,027 --> 00:11:35,528
Can you, uh,
make an alliance?
335
00:11:35,562 --> 00:11:37,364
The enemy of your enemy
is your friend.
336
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:39,833
Marigold, but it goes
against all my instincts
337
00:11:39,867 --> 00:11:41,668
to negotiate with a teenager.
338
00:11:41,701 --> 00:11:43,971
It's either that
or the nuclear option.
339
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,875
Flipping the board.
340
00:11:49,642 --> 00:11:51,544
That's right, Evan.
341
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:53,546
We are invading Australia.
342
00:11:53,580 --> 00:11:57,184
Yeah, we are tired of their
bland beer and poisonous snakes.
343
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:59,987
Turn on CNN, the bombardment
of Sydney is about to begin.
344
00:12:01,421 --> 00:12:03,623
No, you cannot just use
the first part.
345
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:06,226
Apologize for being weird.
346
00:12:06,259 --> 00:12:07,727
Say you're just excited
to be spending time
347
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:09,429
with her away from
the White House.
348
00:12:09,462 --> 00:12:11,598
So sorry I've been weird.
349
00:12:11,631 --> 00:12:14,201
I'm just excited
about spending time with you
350
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:15,735
away from the White House.
351
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:17,637
Ask her about her family.
352
00:12:17,670 --> 00:12:19,706
So, Stacey, um, tell me
about your family.
353
00:12:19,739 --> 00:12:21,741
We're very close.
354
00:12:21,775 --> 00:12:24,077
My parents came over
from Korea in the '70s.
355
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:25,645
EMILY: Don't say anything
about Taekwondo.
356
00:12:25,678 --> 00:12:29,216
Skip, I know you want to,
but fight it-- fight it.
357
00:12:29,249 --> 00:12:30,583
Skip, take a sip of water.
358
00:12:37,624 --> 00:12:39,126
Your parents sound delightful.
359
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:40,794
They are.
360
00:12:41,929 --> 00:12:43,563
Hah!
361
00:12:43,596 --> 00:12:45,632
You're no match
for our alliance.
362
00:12:45,665 --> 00:12:49,769
We'll see how this plays out
over the next five or six hours.
363
00:12:49,803 --> 00:12:51,438
Oh, seriously?
364
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,306
Five hours?
365
00:12:53,340 --> 00:12:54,274
I quit.
366
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:55,508
You can't quit.
367
00:12:55,542 --> 00:12:56,576
We have an alliance.
368
00:12:56,609 --> 00:12:58,111
We high-fived over it!
Come on!
369
00:12:58,145 --> 00:13:00,180
Dad, it's just a game.
370
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,648
XANDER:
I planned my strategy
371
00:13:01,681 --> 00:13:03,583
around Marigold quitting.
372
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:06,753
She's a textbook
unexpected interloper.
373
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,822
First, they insert
themselves,
374
00:13:08,856 --> 00:13:11,624
stir things up,
maybe help you for a while.
375
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,460
But things fall apart
376
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:16,129
the moment you think
you're doing great.
377
00:13:16,163 --> 00:13:17,831
Okay, Skip, you're doing great.
378
00:13:17,865 --> 00:13:19,632
I never knew I was
such a lady killer.
379
00:13:19,666 --> 00:13:20,767
Me neither.
380
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,669
Hm?
381
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:28,808
EMILY: Okay, Skip, we're
in the home stretch now.
382
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:31,678
Go ahead and ask her
about her interests.
383
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:32,679
SKIP:
So, Stacey,
384
00:13:32,712 --> 00:13:34,647
I've been meaning to ask you:
385
00:13:34,681 --> 00:13:35,682
What are your interests?
386
00:13:35,715 --> 00:13:37,717
I love art-- I recently saw
387
00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:38,852
an exhibit
at the National Gallery
388
00:13:38,886 --> 00:13:40,653
on "Women in Science."
389
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:41,889
Microscopes and Petticoats!
390
00:13:41,922 --> 00:13:43,523
Say you saw it and loved it.
391
00:13:43,556 --> 00:13:44,557
Microscopes and Petticoats!
392
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,026
Say I saw it and loved it.
393
00:13:46,059 --> 00:13:47,327
What was your favorite part?
394
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:48,996
The s...
395
00:13:49,029 --> 00:13:50,730
(Skip groans)
396
00:13:50,763 --> 00:13:52,665
Stall her, Skip.
397
00:13:52,699 --> 00:13:55,035
Specifically, I love...
398
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:56,469
the...
399
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:57,737
brush strokes.
400
00:13:57,770 --> 00:14:00,040
That doesn't even
look like Iron Man.
401
00:14:00,073 --> 00:14:01,508
Good, 'cause it's
Uncle Randy.
402
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:03,310
(cell phone rings)
403
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,678
(sighs)
404
00:14:05,712 --> 00:14:07,714
Emily, what?
EMILY: Becca?
405
00:14:07,747 --> 00:14:09,249
I'm just out and about
and I was thinking
406
00:14:09,282 --> 00:14:11,919
of seeing
Microscopes and Petticoats.
407
00:14:11,952 --> 00:14:14,387
How nice of you to
respect my opinion.
408
00:14:14,421 --> 00:14:16,056
Yeah, I don't have
a lot of time for that.
409
00:14:16,089 --> 00:14:17,857
Can you just tell me what
your favorite part was?
410
00:14:17,891 --> 00:14:19,359
I guess I would start
with the section
411
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,028
on women breaking
into the Academy...
412
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,729
Tell her your favorite part...
413
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:24,664
Was when the women broke
into that academy.
414
00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:26,033
Yes, they were
415
00:14:26,066 --> 00:14:27,234
real trailblazers.
416
00:14:27,267 --> 00:14:28,335
Did they not get caught?
417
00:14:28,368 --> 00:14:29,569
(laughs)
418
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:31,004
(wheezy laugh)
419
00:14:31,038 --> 00:14:33,373
So, what else did you like?
420
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:34,774
Uh...
421
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:35,775
Hold on, Skip.
422
00:14:35,808 --> 00:14:36,876
Wait, you're with Skip?
423
00:14:36,910 --> 00:14:37,744
I thought he was on his date.
424
00:14:37,777 --> 00:14:38,711
Well, I kind of followed
425
00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:39,779
him here-- it's no big deal.
426
00:14:39,812 --> 00:14:41,514
Right now, I need you
to tell me more
427
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,383
art facts so I can feed it
to him in his earpiece.
428
00:14:43,416 --> 00:14:44,952
Emily, you have a problem.
429
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,286
I don't have time
to debate this right now.
430
00:14:46,319 --> 00:14:49,056
Skip, just tell her...
431
00:14:49,089 --> 00:14:50,690
You are pathologically
incapable of butting out.
432
00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:51,858
You just can't help yourself.
433
00:14:51,891 --> 00:14:52,926
Okay, listen.
434
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:54,527
Okay, listen.
435
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,563
I'm tired of going back
and forth on this.
436
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,865
Yes, I feel deeply--
that's not a crime.
437
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:01,068
SKIP: That's not a crime.
EMILY: And you know what?
438
00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:02,802
EMILY: We're in each
other's lives now.
SKIP: You know what?
439
00:15:02,835 --> 00:15:03,903
We're in each
other's lives now.
440
00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:06,406
So if you could
accept me for me,
441
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:09,042
that'll save us a hell
of a lot of time.
442
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:11,411
EMILY: And it may be hard
for you to believe...
443
00:15:11,444 --> 00:15:14,982
But I love you
and I'm not going anywhere.
444
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,750
Wow.
445
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:18,885
Do you hear me, Becca?
446
00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,320
Do you hear me,
Becca?
447
00:15:20,353 --> 00:15:21,421
Becca?
448
00:15:23,456 --> 00:15:24,391
Eh...
449
00:15:24,424 --> 00:15:25,892
Are you wearing an earpiece?
450
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,494
(whispering):
She's asking
451
00:15:27,527 --> 00:15:29,629
if I'm wearing
an earpiece, over.
452
00:15:29,662 --> 00:15:30,797
Can you hear me?
453
00:15:30,830 --> 00:15:31,965
I can hear you.
454
00:15:31,999 --> 00:15:33,967
To be continued, Becca.
(phone beeps off)
455
00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,635
(phone beeps off)
456
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,770
What the hell is that?
457
00:15:37,804 --> 00:15:39,072
Repulsor rays.
458
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:41,141
He's Iron Man now.
Deal with it.
459
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:44,111
Oh, you are so immature.
460
00:15:49,816 --> 00:15:52,019
(gasps)
461
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,560
(deep exhale)
462
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,264
This is just a fight!
463
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,199
It's not a fight with
romantic undertones.
464
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:07,634
Are you sure?
465
00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:08,801
MARSHALL: Hey, have
you seen your dad?
466
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:10,037
Or yourselves?
467
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:12,305
He's playing Risk
with Xander.
468
00:16:12,339 --> 00:16:13,673
Oh, Risk!
469
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:14,874
Thank God--
for a second, I thought
470
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,709
the whole world had gone crazy.
471
00:16:18,678 --> 00:16:20,680
Uh-huh.
472
00:16:28,488 --> 00:16:30,323
I don't understand, Skip.
473
00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:31,724
Why do you act
this way around me?
474
00:16:31,758 --> 00:16:32,725
Why?
475
00:16:32,759 --> 00:16:34,227
Hey, guys.
476
00:16:34,261 --> 00:16:36,163
EMILY:
So...
477
00:16:36,196 --> 00:16:38,665
Lots to talk about.
Madame First Lady...
478
00:16:38,698 --> 00:16:40,133
why are you here?
479
00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:41,401
EMILY: Let's just
get it out there.
480
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,669
We tried to do the Cyrano thing
481
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:43,870
and it didn't work.
482
00:16:43,903 --> 00:16:44,804
I'm sorry, okay?
483
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,173
Cool, now let's put
484
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:47,974
this date back on track.
485
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:50,577
Am I right? Order some
calamari for the table.
486
00:16:50,610 --> 00:16:53,012
Round of drinks... maybe a
couple of rounds of drinks.
487
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:54,914
Get this Love Boat back
in the water.
488
00:16:54,947 --> 00:16:56,549
I'm sorry, Skip.
489
00:16:56,583 --> 00:16:57,850
This is too much.
490
00:16:57,884 --> 00:17:00,487
S...
491
00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:02,255
(sighs)
492
00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:03,823
Skip...
I can't believe this.
493
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,925
If you had let me do the
balloons and the song,
494
00:17:05,958 --> 00:17:08,761
Stacey would be imprinted to me
right now like a werewolf.
495
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:10,097
I-I don't know what that means.
496
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:13,433
It means I want Stacey
to like me for me.
497
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,902
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna take
498
00:17:15,935 --> 00:17:17,870
my veal parmesan to go.
499
00:17:17,904 --> 00:17:20,173
Thank you, Tommy; thank you.
500
00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:22,209
He gets me.
501
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:26,279
(sighs)
502
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:28,381
This is it, Dad.
503
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:31,784
Down to one final roll.
504
00:17:31,818 --> 00:17:34,053
A merciful man
might let you live.
505
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:36,055
I wish I were that man.
506
00:17:36,089 --> 00:17:37,724
Oop! Look at the time.
507
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,526
It's getting late.
No, no, no.
508
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,060
Do not pull the bedtime card!
509
00:17:41,094 --> 00:17:43,930
I'm as bummed as you;
it screws up my comeback.
510
00:17:43,963 --> 00:17:45,865
But we can pick it up tomorrow.
511
00:17:45,898 --> 00:17:48,635
Though tomorrow is kind of
cray-cray and then
512
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:51,438
I have that eight-day swing
through the Baltics, but
513
00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:53,039
that'll give you more time
to study your book.
514
00:17:53,072 --> 00:17:55,208
I don't need a book to see
what's happening here!
515
00:17:55,242 --> 00:17:57,477
You're getting cranky
'cause you're tired, buddy.
516
00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,812
I'm getting cranky because
of my righteous indignation,
517
00:17:59,846 --> 00:18:01,080
and the disappointment
518
00:18:01,114 --> 00:18:04,016
of looking down on a man
I once looked up to.
519
00:18:14,427 --> 00:18:15,462
(buzzes)
520
00:18:17,464 --> 00:18:18,565
Are you kidding me?
521
00:18:18,598 --> 00:18:19,599
How is your approval
522
00:18:19,632 --> 00:18:21,401
rating so high?
Stacey,
523
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:23,603
I messed up-- I filled Skip's
head with all this
524
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:26,639
crazy stuff that made him act
the way he acted.
525
00:18:26,673 --> 00:18:28,808
Let's be honest-- he's never
gonna be the smoothest dude
526
00:18:28,841 --> 00:18:32,245
on a date, but Skip
is a good guy.
527
00:18:32,279 --> 00:18:33,646
I know he's a good guy.
528
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:34,814
He's also really weird.
529
00:18:34,847 --> 00:18:37,517
I could see how
you might think that.
530
00:18:37,550 --> 00:18:39,786
But I know if you give him
another chance,
531
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:42,755
you'll see how normal he is.
532
00:18:42,789 --> 00:18:44,691
(accordion playing,
fingers snapping)
533
00:18:48,495 --> 00:18:51,931
* Never know how much
I love you *
534
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,934
* Never know how much I care
535
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:59,339
* When you put
your arms around me *
536
00:18:59,372 --> 00:19:01,874
* I get a fever
that's so hard to bear *
537
00:19:01,908 --> 00:19:04,444
* You give me fever
538
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:07,046
* Fever!
(loud pop)
539
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:11,384
EMILY: Allow
me to make
540
00:19:11,418 --> 00:19:13,486
the case for weird.
541
00:19:20,059 --> 00:19:21,060
DALE:
Xander, buddy...
542
00:19:21,093 --> 00:19:22,395
You up?
543
00:19:22,429 --> 00:19:25,164
Look, I was out of line.
544
00:19:25,198 --> 00:19:28,568
You were beating me and
I panicked, which is silly,
545
00:19:28,601 --> 00:19:31,471
because this day had to come.
546
00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:33,740
And you know what?
547
00:19:33,773 --> 00:19:35,041
I'm proud of you.
548
00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:38,311
So, here you go.
549
00:19:38,345 --> 00:19:39,746
Thanks.
550
00:19:39,779 --> 00:19:40,847
But...
551
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,148
before you take that final roll,
552
00:19:42,181 --> 00:19:45,051
let me tell you a little story.
553
00:19:45,084 --> 00:19:46,919
I was reminded today
554
00:19:46,953 --> 00:19:49,088
of the first time I beat my dad.
555
00:19:49,121 --> 00:19:50,590
It was in Ping-Pong.
556
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:53,092
I mean, I...
thought I'd feel great,
557
00:19:53,125 --> 00:19:55,995
'cause we had some pretty fierce
battles down in that basement.
558
00:19:56,028 --> 00:19:58,265
But, after I beat him,
559
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:01,734
I just felt kind of sad,
you know?
560
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:05,004
Like everything was gonna
change-- I don't know.
561
00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:08,007
I guess part
of my childhood just...
562
00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:10,009
ended that day.
563
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:12,412
Just wanted to make sure
you're okay with that.
564
00:20:12,445 --> 00:20:14,947
(sighs)
565
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:16,749
Yup, I'm good.
566
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,785
Okay.
567
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:22,289
Okay.
Whoo! Yes!
568
00:20:22,322 --> 00:20:24,624
I win! Wait...
569
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:26,626
What's this feeling
I'm having?
570
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:28,027
Oh.
571
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:29,962
It's just another surge
572
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:32,064
of triumph!
Great.
573
00:20:32,098 --> 00:20:33,766
You know, part of
being a man
574
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:36,068
is being a gracious...
XANDER: Whoo, yes! I win!
Whoo-hoo!
575
00:20:36,102 --> 00:20:37,103
Ah, screw it.
576
00:20:37,136 --> 00:20:38,838
Does this mean
I'm a warrior now?
577
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:42,074
Sorry it didn't work out.
578
00:20:42,108 --> 00:20:44,076
At least Stacey
rejected me for me.
579
00:20:44,110 --> 00:20:46,479
Well, it's her loss.
580
00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:48,748
You're gonna find
the right girl, Skip.
581
00:20:48,781 --> 00:20:52,885
And together, we're gonna
make her love you.
582
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,754
Thanks, Momily.
583
00:20:54,787 --> 00:20:55,988
Let's go see
how Becca's doing.
584
00:20:59,158 --> 00:21:01,060
Oh, Good Lord.
585
00:21:01,093 --> 00:21:03,229
Hey, guys.
Check out our
compromise mural.
586
00:21:03,262 --> 00:21:05,632
It's going to be
Marie Curie riding a...
587
00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:07,800
sweet microscope
over a rainbow bridge
588
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,135
into Iron Man's headquarters.
589
00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:11,438
Is that Uncle Randy
riding shotgun?
590
00:21:11,471 --> 00:21:12,639
You know it, brother.
591
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:15,742
What do you think?
592
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:17,143
EMILY:
I think...
593
00:21:17,176 --> 00:21:19,346
I'm staying out of this one.
594
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:20,847
(both gasp)
595
00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:23,316
DALE (muffled): Xander,
I told you it's not a toy!
596
00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:25,084
XANDER (muffled):
It went through that
Sheetrock like butter.
597
00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:26,586
I'm not gonna stay
out of that one.
598
00:21:26,619 --> 00:21:31,824
EMILY: Who gives a
twelve-year old a sword?
599
00:21:31,858 --> 00:21:33,025
(big dog barks)
41917
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