All language subtitles for The.Great.North.S04E13.1080p.WEB.H264-SuccessfulCrab

- Hey, Judy.
- Easy for you to say.

Whoa, what's got you
down in the dumps?

Did your dad make you
spend the whole weekend

- at the dump again?
- No.

The thing is, Alanis,
it's spring.

That time of year when I should
be getting my Jude groove on.

You know, loving and leaving,
kissing and quitting,

first base
and then get out of my face.

I get it. You should be
making out under the dock.

Staying out until 10:00.

Abso-slut-ly I should,
but I am currently

in a wasteland
of no boy-related excitement.

My friends and I went through
the yearbook yesterday to look,

in detail, at every boy

and I didn't feel a thing
for any of them.

No,
this is a medical emergency.

Yeah, I know, I'm all riled up.

And it's not just
that it's spring.

There's also a full moon,
plus personal injury attorney

Jeremy Crash
has that new billboard,

and you know
how I feel about him.

He's so hot and obnoxious,

bragging that he can
"get you off."

It's like, prove it,
Jeremy.

The snow is melting

and all I see are logs!

And you know
what logs look like.

I know.

- Penises!
- I said I knew.

I don't even want romance.

I'm just looking
for a beautiful face

with a bad personality.

So you're having
a horndog moment

but there's no meaty bones
in the yard.

Exactly.
And so beautifully said.

Maybe it's time
to freeze my eggs

- and focus on my career.
- Hey, you can't give up yet.

Maybe find a young,
disillusioned drifter

to suck face with.

Try the bus stop near the jail.

Or the Grammy Awards.

That horn... tomorrow
is cruise docking day.

Those ships are always
filled with annoying adults,

and I bet some of them brought

their annoying teen sons
on spring break.

Yes. The meaty bones!

They're on the ships, Judy.

Run to them.

what's going on there,
Aunt Dirt?

You doing the Goop milk cleanse?

I tried it once. Almost died,
but skin was radiant.

No, idiot.
I'm preparing my product to con

the cruise noobs
into paying me a fortune

for a glass of genuine
Alaskan moose milk.

You just mix a little human hair
into regular old cow's milk,

and, boom...
Some dum-dum from Delaware

is forking over a 20.

So, that trash bag
is filled with...

Human hair clippings
from Yolanda's salon.

Normally, she just
throws 'em out.

Can you believe that?
Wasteful.

And me and Ham are gonna
be Aunt Dirt's scam interns.

We don't get any of the money,
but we get the opportunity

to learn the business.

Normally, I would tell you
not to help your great aunt

con people,
but cruise ship patrons

are barely people.

Beef, speaking of ships,
isn't today the big day?

Indeed.
My Internet pen pal,

@FisherMan#1!,

and I are set to meet
at the Toe in the Snow Tavern,

if he's not delayed
by those bloated water pigs.

I may even go down to the dock
and surprise him.

I love a surprise meetup
before a planned meetup.

Like when you run into your
dentist at the farmer's market

right before
your scheduled appointment.

We've bonded so much online
over our shared love of knots,

the finer points of maritime law
and, of course,

dangling our feet
over the edge of a boardwalk.

He dangles, too?
He's a keeper.

- Well, good morning, Judy.
- Yeah, yeah. Got to go.

I'm on a tight schedule
to go get some ass.

Well, that's the first time
I've ever respected that girl.

Where are the boys?

Sorry about that.

Woo-ga!

I mean, hi. That was hi.

"Hello" is what I mean to say.
Hi-hi.

Hey, I'm Graham.
My family and I just arrived.

I haven't seen you before.

Are you and your family
in steerage?

With the chickens?

No.

I'm actually from Lone Moose.

Fascinating. And does
your family own the town?

Nope.
We just live here.

Do you happen to know
where I could find a copy

of Rich Boy Quarterly?

My fencing partner is in it

and I'm extremely jealous.

Okay, wow, I hate this person,

but he is also very hot and
those two things are actually

working together in a wild way.

How about I show you around?

Sure. I'll meet you
back here in an hour

after I find and burn
my friend's magazine.

You could show me
all your local banks?

We only have one, but there
is an ATM in the grocery store.

A grocery store.

I look forward to finding out
what that is, too.

Do you see your
FisherMan#1!, Dad?

Well, his fishing vessel
is called the Chilly Princess.

But I can't see it in this
parade of floating casinos.

What kind of captain
would even take a job

running a cruise ship?

Someone flashy and trashy.

Good lord.
Those cruise ships need to yield

to the fishing vessels.

The last thing we need
is a repeat

of the '97 Lone Moose Massacre.

So many lives lost.

Actually, no one died.

But they could have.

What about the Death Cliff
Death Run of '02

and the Seward Slaughter in '09?

Those were pretty deadly?

Well, not technically deadly.

All parties were unscathed.

But that's only because
the fishing boats

let those crap-tubs
have the right of way.

Look.
We got a big one coming in.

Bet this'll be stupid.

Well, at least
that cruise captain doesn't need

a tugboat
to help him pull in properly.

Wait, what did you say
your friend's boat was called?

The Chilly Princess.

Why?
Do you see her?

I see her all right.

Where? This huge water hippo
is blocking my whole view.

That water hippo
is the Chilly Princess.

But, no, it can't be.

My friend is...

my enemy?

Okay, okay,

okay. I need
an afternoon date eyeliner

that screams "she's loose
as a goose in Lone Moose."

- Sorry.
- No, I'm sorry.

- Here.
- Thanks.

I use eyeliner as a pencil
when I do my sketches,

but I dropped mine
over the side of the cruise.

Well, they actually have
pencil pencils, like,

- right over...
- Um, actually, I'm doing
some art about feminism,

so that's why I use makeup.

It's kind of a comment
on a comment.

I can explain it to you
if you want.

Wow. Ew. This know-it-all
who thinks he invented art

is awful but hot,

and that is totally
doing it for me.

You, looking
for a little company, sailor?

Well, I like to block out
an hour a day

to blame my parents for things.

But I'm free after that.

Great. I'll meet you down
by the docks this afternoon.

Cool. Yeah.
If I'm not overwhelmed

by the weight of the world,
I'll guess I'll see ya.

No. I was so distracted

by that obnoxious hottie
I forgot that I made a date

with the other obnoxious hottie.

I'm definitely in over my boobs.

I better call for backup.

At the very least so that
I stop talking to myself.

-What?
-Nothing.
Mind your own business, Vera!

Judy, I got your 911 text
with the seven heart emojis

and the face going like this...

and figured
that meant love emergency?

It did. My hungry little
hormones scrambled my brain,

and now I have dates
with two equally hot

but unlikeable guys
this afternoon.

Should I cancel?

Should I run?

No, Judy, calm down.
There's nothing wrong

with fanning a couple flames
at the same time.

Before I met Wolf, I was
very active on the dating apps.

I became an expert on rocking
a rude dude rotation.

I'll teach you how to balance
both these guys at once.

Yes, two boys does mean

more chances
for a messy make-out

and a upstairs honk-a honk-a.

And I need that or I'll...
And I'm not exaggerating...

Probably die!

Been there.
All right, first things first.

ABB.

Ask for butt butter?

No. Why would you...

Always be babe-ing.

From this moment forward,
these boys do not have names.

Call them both "babe" so you
don't accidentally mix them up.

You can also use "cutie," but I
don't think you can pull it off.

Not a chance. I'm clinging on
by my fingertips here.

"Babe" it is.

Moose milk!

Tastes sweet,
straight from the teat.

The Rock drinks it, and things
are going pretty good for him.

If it's good enough for a baby
moose, it's good enough for you.

What do you think, Sharon?

I'd love to get
some local flavor.

Ooh. I bet this will be
incredible for my gut biome.

You bet it will.
Gut biome, butt biome,

Pauly Shore's Bio-Dome.

You ever seen that one?
Crackerjack sense of humor

- on that kid.
- Now, I'm allergic
to cow's milk.

Can I have this?

Sure.

I got a real moose hair.

Incredible.

That must be him.

FisherMan#1!

He said he'd be wearing
a striped scarf.

Well, this is
the perfect opportunity

for me to simply leave him alone
and spend years

wondering what might have been.

You've been talking about
meeting this guy for weeks, Dad.

You said... and I quote...

"I feel like
I've met my soul's first mate."

But that was before I knew he
was a cruise ship captain, Wolf.

Cruise captains
don't steer with finesse.

They just push buttons
that say "stop," "go"

and "announce buffet."

It's like having training wheels
at sea. They're phonies.

Look, Dad, I'm not saying
you have to follow through

on being best friends,
but maybe just go say hi.

No way. There's a bunch of
other cruise captains in there.

It's infested.

Shoot, Londra's coming.
Stop talking.

I wasn't talking.

Heya, Beef. Just popping in to
pick up some jalapeño poppers.

If there's
any cruise captains in there,

they'd better not try
to talk to me.

Yeah, they're nasty. Yuck.

Thank God she didn't
ask me why I was here.

By the way,
why are you here?

To mock,

that man through the window.

Look at his stupid... stuff.

- Good one.
- See, Wolf?

Cruise captains
and boat captains don't mix.

Dad, haven't you ever seen

the BBC's
Pride and Prejudice miniseries

starring Colin Firth?

Or Joe Wright's
Pride & Prejudice movie

starring Matthew Macfadyen?

Of course. Judy's made me
watch each of those,

- like, 20 times.
- Well, what if

Lizzie Bennet
hadn't walked up to Netherfield

to see if her sister
was super sick or whatever

just 'cause she thought
she hated Mr. Darcy's guts?

Right.
This is exactly like that.

Bang-o bong-o, Dad.

Put on some walking boots
and hike up your skirts.

Jane Bennet needs you.

Now, let's review...
What's the most important part

of a rude dude rotation?

Stay alert
and flirt, flirt, flirt.

Judy, you got this.

Go forth and make me proud.

Hey, babe.
Ready to hit the museum?

They have a recalled quarter

where Washington
is accidentally blinking.

I've actually never seen a coin.

Wait till I tell the boys
from Mountwood Prep about this.

Give me a minute
to run to the ladies' room

in, a different building.

Because... I don't want you
to hear me pee.

Just like Mother.

Get your mouth on some moose.

See how fast
that gal's running?

She had some moose milk earlier.

Great for energy.
And around here,

it's known
as the fountain of youth.

Ham, tell 'em how old you are.

I'm seventee... nine.

And I'm 20.

It works both ways.

Hey, babe.

How are you?

I'm suffering terribly.

Great, great.
There's an open mic here today.

Santiago Carpaccio
is unveiling his new sonnet

"A Stork in the Road."

It's about
his fertility journey.

Sounds soulful.

There's nothing left to teach.

No, no, no, can't do it.

- But, Dad...
- No!

Yes?

May I help you?

Sir, may I present my father...

And your Internet friend...

Captain Beef Tenderloin Tobin
of The Mighty Kathleen.

Um, that can't...

The Captain Tobin
I was speaking with

captains a cruise vessel.

- You take that back!
- Dad, Dad, take it easy.

He just made a mistake.

The Tobin I met
was intelligent and classy

with an extensive knowledge
of deep water ports

on all seaboards,
foreign and domestic.

That could only be
a cruise captain.

Well, the person
I was speaking with

literally called himself
a Fisherman,

number one, exclamation point!

Yes, well, I am a man
and Fisher is my last name.

I'm Captain
Cornelius Jazzy Fisher.

It was obviously a mistake
to come in here,

and I bid you farewell.

Look, I've captured

my coconut shrimp
in a San Diego Jam Knot.

Nonsense, that's a Bimini twist.

Well, well, well,
that is a twist.

Perhaps I've been
too hasty to judge you.

Just like Lizzie
with Mr. Darcy at the ball.

Well, if you were free,

perhaps it would interest you
to tour my boat?

If, while walking,
we were to revisit

our online conversation
about punctuality,

I suppose I could stomach
a look around.

- Wonderful.
- We should leave
separately, though.

Agreed.
Tongues will wag.

What a delightful tour.

Apologies for judging you
upon meeting,

I don't have anything against
you, personally, it's just...

The right-of-way incidents
of '97, '02 and '09.

I know. Changed things forever.

- So many dead.
- None dead, but yes.

I will admit that, sometimes,
my ilk can be a little flashy,

but I've been captaining cruises
for many years now,

and if I've learned anything,

it's that a rising tide
raises all boat captains.

I have the same philosophy.

Dad, this is just like
when Lizzie realized

that Mr. Darcy paid
for Lydia's dowry

to get Wickham to marry her.

- You think I don't know that?
- Wait.

I know the perfect thing
to wrap up this afternoon.

Stay here. Boat right back.

- Londra.
- Beef.

Hey, I just sent you a text.

Great, great, great.

A bunch of us captains

are gonna hang tonight
on my boat

to mock those cruiser losers
as they leave.

I'm gonna have hard limeades
and tipsy iced teas,

so it might get rowdy. You in?

Yeah, totally. I hate cruises

and their captains. Ick. Barf.

They're the worst.

Cruise Captains, P.U.!

Cornelius Jazzy,
you heard that? I didn't...

No need to explain, Beef.
I know we're natural enemies.

Somehow, hearing it
out loud, though,

after all this time,

208 minutes to be precise,
it stings.

I'm so sorry.

You can have
the snow cone, Beef.

It will suit you. It's cold.

Go to him, Dad. Make this right.

I'm gonna stay here and try
to salvage this street cone.

Couple pebbles
in the ice.

Nothing I can't chew.

Wow. I had no idea
a childless man

in his middle years
could go through that much.

Yeah, really makes you think.

I'd love to tell you more
about my feelings.

- Okay.
- Dinner tonight?

You know it, babe. But bye
for now. Okay, bye-bye, goodbye.

I was able to reach my assistant

who reached
my father's assistant,

and I have permission
to stay ashore a few more hours.

That's great.

They wired me $2,000,

so should we do dinner later?

Do you have restaurants here?

I usually just have
a bowl of kibble on the floor,

but I'd love to try one.

- Great, see you tonight.
- Honeybee,

okay, Missy Elliott was correct.

I worked it,
and it was worth it, and...

Judy, did you put your thing
down, flip it, and reverse it?

Not yet, but that's what
dinner is f... Wow.

Um, excuse me?

Do you know if this place
has worker's gloves?

For these hands?

Mamma Mia 2. Here We Go Again.

I mean,
yeah, they should.

Are you some kind of
dirty... worker?

I'm in engineering
on the Tundra King Cruise,

even though I'm only 17.

I got diagnosed with being
too rugged for high school.

I work with my hands.

These beautiful, broken hands.

Wow, perfect.

Are you doing anything
for dinner tonight?

Put a little on your psoriasis,
honey, trust me.

I soak my legs in it
every night,

and now I can do the splits.

Bad news, Dirt,

we're running low on hair.

Maybe I've been putting

too many scoops in each cup.

Nah, that's what sells it.
You did perfect.

Luckily, I know where
to get more hair.

No.

I guess this is what
being an intern is.

I gave more of myself
than I wanted,

but it'll be worth it
in a few years

when I get promoted
to full-time grifter.

Permission to sit
and dangle, Captain?

Permission denied.

A cruise ship captain
and a boat captain

were never meant to be friends.

The world will never understand.

I suppose you're right,

- but I'll never forget today.
- Me neither.

Well, I guess it's time for me
to head to my friend's boat

to make fun of you
and your friends.

And I must do the same
with my cruise captain friends.

We gather at the
Caviar Dreams caviar bar

aboard the Princess for
a last hurrah before we depart.

I'll think of you
whenever I see a Bimini twist

or someone who doesn't
dress very well.

So, then I said, "Well,
at least I don't smell like

hot tub water."

Beef, did you not hear
my cruise captain burn?

Beef?

No, I did.

you're gonna love this.

Ivan's got a bunch
of rotten chum,

and he said we should
sneak on board that cruise

and dump it down
their twirly pool slide.

But that's
Captain Fisher's boat.

- Who?
- Um...

Captain Fisher.

I know about him
because I don't like him

and think we should do
the slide thing. For sure.

Beef, you should bring
your antique trident.

You can pop their inflatable
Chilly Princess mascot,

- Princess Chilly.
- I...

Yeah. Let's go show
those rich jerks

who really has
the right-of-way.

O Captain. My Captain.

You go pop the Princess, Beef,

- then we'll chum the waters.
- Certainly.

Go on, do it.

What's the holdup?
Pop it, pop it, pop it!

A rising tide raises
all boat captains.

Why you stopping? You gonna poop
in one of the lounge chairs?

I'm ready if you are.

No. I won't poop on my friend.

That's right,
the captain of this boat,

Captain Cornelius Jazzy Fisher,
is my friend.

Friend? What the...

Yes, his boat is big,
and I cannot lie,

but so is his heart,

and I was wrong
to hide our friendship.

So now, I'm going to run to him.

Bup, bup, bup. Wristband, sir?

I don't have a wristband
on my wrist,

but I have a heart band
for your captain.

Why didn't you say so?
Go on through.

I did say so, but thank you.

Yes, I guess
you did say so. My bad.

- No worries.
- I'll,

try to be clearer
in the future, in my language.

- You know, the challenge...
- May I continue running
to my friend?

Yes, of course.

Nice one, Greg.

Hey, Judy, here to get you
prepped for the final phase.

You're about to be
so proud of me.

I actually planned three dates
here at the restaurant.

Three? Judy, no.

My rules only work
for two dates, not three.

Honeybee, I have to do this.

I got three meaty bones in there
and mama's hungry!

But three dates in one big room?

The science
isn't even close on that.

I need this!

You know what?
You're kind of freaking me out,

so just get in there and do
whatever you're gonna do.

Hello.
I'm looking for Captain Fisher.

And who are you?

I am Beef Tobin,
a fishing boat captain.

Well, this is
a cruise captains' hangout,

so why don't you scurry along
back to your side of the docks

and drink a nice
hot cup of chum.

Stand down, Captain Tennille.

I'll ask you not to speak
that way to my friend.

Well, looks like we found

Romeo and Cruise-liette.

So, is Greg just letting
anyone come in here?

Is there no security?

Now, now, let's all calm down.

There's no reason
for this feud to continue.

Let's just talk like reasonable
maritime professionals.

- Caviar?
- Hey, who... Chum?

Caviar fight.
Everyone to your positions.

Hey.

You lied to me.
I was in the bathroom all day

with lactose diarrhea.

And I had to stand there
and give her toilet paper,

- over and over again.
- You had to?

We didn't even
get to see the town.

Meh, it's not that great.

That's not moose milk.
I want my money back.

Grab what you can and run!

Sweet, they have food.

I'm just going to go
to the bathroom to freshen up

'cause I am not fresh.

- Hey, babe.
- Hey.

I bought you this.
It was expensive.

My gosh, you are so sweet,

but this table is so drafty,
am I right?

I'm gonna go ask the waiter
to switch us, okay, Tyler?

Who? She's already gone.

Rayne. You ready
for dessert?

We just sat down.

Yeah, but they got to flip
tables, Graham. I mean, Judy.

- I mean, Tyler. I mean, babe.
- Got to run.

Well, we can't switch tables.

Were we gonna switch tables?
Where did you get a corsage?

Isn't that funny, though?
I'll be right back.

Um...

Love the new table.

Judy, why are you under a table?

- Are you hiding
from your servants?
- I can explain.

And-and the explanation is...

Well...

I'm on a date
with all three of you.

Yeah, I'm here on two dates
as well. You and her.

Hey, Kima.

Hey, Judy. I'm here
with him, him and him.

I'm also here with him and you
and them and her.

All right, great, I'm gonna
start kissing now. Is that fine?

Yep.

Every spring with this.

Mateo, get the hose.

Well, I guess we were right,
we really can't be friends.

I guess not.

Maybe one day,
we'll see each other again.

In this life or the next.

Or in, like, a month and a half
when the Chilly Princess

is scheduled to dock here again.

And also online,
like, all the time.

You got it, buddy.

- Hey, guys. You get caught?
- Not yet.

Trip one of them
for us if you can.

I'll do my best.
See you at home.

>>>>oakislandtk<<<<<
www.opensubtitles.org