Original subtitles

[roars]

[Spanish accent] Feel the power of Señor Frog!

- I terminate you! - [laughs]

- Let me go. - Jake, take it easy on your dad.

Those are some brittle bones.

[normal accent] Ah. I think I got him this time, Reba.

- Soda? - Why, thank you.

- Sucker punch, Jake! - No!

I win!

I don't know, Brock. You always fall for the soda trick.

Yeah. You think I'd have learned after all these years.

[laughs] Okay, you can leave now.

- Adios, Señor Frog. - [door opens]

Hey. There he is, Mr. Football.

And his wife, Mrs. Football.

Hey, guys. Remember Baby Football?

Oh. That should be your nickname.

So how was your first day back?

Oh, Coach says, "Montgomery, you're slow, fat, and stupid."

[chuckles]

One day, and Coach already knows my name.

Attaboy. Jake?

[Spanish accent] You better sleep with one eye open! Ah-ha-ha-ha!

[normal accent] See you guys later.

Hey, you know what's fun after a hard day at school?

Taking care of your baby. Oh, come here, sweetie.

Mommy is gonna miss you so much tonight.

What? Why are you gonna miss her?

We're going to dinner with Van's parents to a fancy French restaurant.

Yeah, I don't know about that, Cheyenne.

I know my parents have been cool the last few times we've seen 'em,

but, you know, it's still weird for me.

Van, this is important.

We're trying to build a bridge between us and them.

While you're busy building your bridge, who's gonna watch Elizabeth?

Well, we're kind of busy, and you're kind of not.

Guys, you can't just assume that I'm always gonna be here

to watch Elizabeth.

- I mean, what if I had plans for tonight? - Yeah, good one.

Oh, all right. I'll watch her this time.

But you guys have got to start taking more responsibility for your child.

Thanks, Mom. You're the best.

Bye, angel. [kisses] Say bye-bye. Say bye-bye-bye.

Okay, it's just me and you, kid. It's time to wrestle.

A-one, a-two, a-three.

[screams, imitates explosion] Oh, you dominate.

- [babbles] - [laughs]

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Oh, Mom. You gotta see the one of Elizabeth sleeping.

That's a really cute one.

Oh! There it is.

Yep, and that's the one of her crying after Van insisted we take the picture.

She looks just like Van did. We have missed so much.

But we're here now. And... we have a camera.

Hey, Van. Why don't you take a picture of us

- looking at the pictures? - Okay.

Okay, I got a bucket of chicken for dinner.

I know it's not snooty French food, but it does come in a "la buckette."

[laughs]

Hi, Dan, Sue.

- Hello, Reba, "Ki-ra." - It's "Kyra." Thanks again, Mom.

Hi there.

My parents wanted to come by and see the baby.

[chuckles] Great.

She's right over here.

[chuckles] Van, I think now's a good time

to take a picture of the lucky grandma.

Oh, no. I just got in from work and my hair's a mess, but--

Oh.

Reba, we know it's dinnertime,

and we really don't want to overstay our welcome.

Oh, no. Stay. I mean, I got a family pack and three sides.

- Here, you can have my biscuit. - Oh, thanks. We'll pass.

But we do have something we wanna give Elizabeth.

Van, Cheyenne.

I know we've missed some earlier photo opportunities,

but here's a little something we hope will help create some new ones.

Oh, thank you.

It's a key.

Welcome to this week's episode of Cheyenne Identifies Objects.

"Dearest Elizabeth: This key will unlock stable number eight

at the Bobolink Pastures, where you'll find your very own pony."

- A pony? - A pony?

A pony? [squeals]

- Wow, what a gift. - [Cheyenne] Oh, my God.

Well, it's a very nice gift, but it isn't very practical, is it?

I mean, who's gonna take care of him,

'cause I sure don't have time to watch a pony too.

Oh, no. The... The people at the stable will watch her.

And you know, couple of those guys are single.

[chuckles]

But is that a really good gift for a baby?

I mean, a wild animal?

You guys, we should take Elizabeth to pet it

so she gets to know it before she rides it.

- It's perfect. - [door opens]

...because those dragonflies love each other, that's why.

Hi, Mom. Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Montgomery.

- Hey. - Hey, Sue, Dan.

Dad, Van's parents bought Elizabeth a pony.

- What? - Isn't that amazing?

I've always wanted a pony, and now my daughter has one.

Oh, honey. I wanted to get you a pony when you were little,

but your mom said no.

Yes, and no offense, but rather than giving you gifts,

we decided to give you love and kindness and affection.

Yeah, but you can't ride love at the state fair.

No, you can't!

- Can we go ride the pony? - I don't see why not.

- Can I go too? - Jake, don't you have homework?

Not if I can ride a pony.

- We'll all go. - Oh, how exciting.

Let me grab the chicken.

Hello, honey. I can hardly wait to get a picture of you on your new pony.

And then maybe afterwards, we can go back to our house,

so you can see where your other grandparents live, huh?

- What? - Oh, no. That's a great idea.

- That way Mom won't have to watch her. - I don't have any plans.

No, this is perfect. Maybe you guys can watch Elizabeth sometimes,

so Mrs. H doesn't always have to.

Oh, don't call me Mrs. H. My name is Grandma.

And I'm happy to watch her.

We'll be glad to pitch in.

- Let's go, everybody. - [Van] Whoo!

- Let's go. - Where are you going?

I wanna go see the pony.

- Yeah. Who doesn't love a pony? - I love ponies.

Hope y'all get there and it's a big ol' fat dog.

- Okay, ready? - Ready.

All right. Touchdown! Yahoo! Raise the roof. Uh-huh, uh-huh.

Praise the man upstairs.

Spin the ball and break-dance around it.

[vocalizing]

Well, somebody found a quarter.

For your information,

we are practicing the official Van Montgomery Touchdown Dance.

Well, the good news is you won't be doing it much.

You know what this needs? My Batman costume.

Hey, football star.

You wanna walk your lucky wife to class this morning?

- My friends are dying to meet you. - I'm sorry, honey. I can't.

I have to hit the weight room, and then I have to make up a math test.

Well, maybe we can have lunch.

The Board of Health reopened the cafeteria.

No. No, I'm supposed to watch game film during lunch.

But hey, I'm free at 2:00.

Oh, my last class is at 2:00. But after--

I have practice after.

Can't you take the day off?

Take the day off? Sure, let me just ask Coach.

"Hey, Coach. Can I take the day off?"

"Why, Montgomery? So you can get slower, fatter, and stupider?"

No. Nope. Nope, Coach says no.

But I thought we'd be together.

Well, you can walk me to the gym.

I don't wanna walk you to the gym. Who's gonna see us walk in to the gym?

What's the point of being married to a big football star

if nobody's gonna see us together?

Kyra, do you mind?

Oh, I'm sorry. I was just dying to know how this all turns out.

Listen. Cheyenne, listen.

Coach says if I work real hard, I have a chance to make it to the NFL.

You know what that means.

Even if I'm a scrub, that leads to announcing gigs.

And then the big jackpot... infomercials.

But, Van, infomercials are on at night.

Then we would never have dinner together.

- I tell you what. Tonight-- - Yeah?

We'll have dinner, just me and you. I promise.

- Okay, it's a date. - All right.

Whoo! It's gonna be okay. Everybody, it's gonna be okay.

Yeah, I know I just called, Sue, but I forgot to mention that

Elizabeth likes her apple juice at room temperature.

Well, no, if grape juice is all you have,

it doesn't really have to be room temperature,

'cause Elizabeth hates grape juice.

Okay. Fine.

[phone beeps] Yeah, you'd know best after three hours.

[continuous knocking]

- Hey, Reba. - Hey, Barbra Jean. That looks heavy.

Oh, it is. Real heavy. The beams are made of real oak.

Wow. It's a beauty.

- Thanks for bringing it by and showing me. - Oh!

[knocking]

Good one. [laughs]

It's for Elizabeth.

- Oh. - Where is she?

She's with the big shots who got her the pony.

Right now they're probably out gettin' prices on a baby elephant.

Well, I think a little girl likes a dollhouse more than a pony.

I mean, for one thing, no poop. [chuckles]

Oh, for the tenth time, Cheyenne, I'm exhausted.

We'll have a romantic dinner another night.

Hey, guys. We should go get Elizabeth.

I think she's spent a long enough time with her other grandparents.

But, Van, you promised.

Mom, will you please tell Van that a big sack of tacos

is not a romantic dinner?

Or can you tell her that a big sack of anything

is romantic when you're in love?

Or you could both take a look at the beautiful dollhouse,

I got Elizabeth.

Oh, yeah. Look!

Football and school are like workin' two jobs,

and arguing with you makes three. Now, I'm tired.

I'm gonna go upstairs and eat and sleep. Chicken or beef?

- Vegetarian! - What?

She said vegetarian.

And seriously, guys, it's time for Elizabeth's apple juice.

Well, if you wanted vegetarian, why didn't you ask for vegetarian?

I did ask for vegetarian. Ha!

Well, guess what? I wasn't listening! Ha back!

Can you believe him?

[speaking with staccato] No, I can't. We should go get your daughter.

- Mom, I'm sure she's fine. - I don't think so.

Those people don't have the first clue about how to take care of a baby.

And they sure don't wanna hear about it either.

Mom, you have your way, and they have theirs.

I think I know what's best for my child.

[sighs, chuckles] I mean, your child.

Can't we just go get her? I don't like this.

Well, you're gonna have to learn to like it,

because she's spending the night over there.

You're lettin' her have a sleepover on a school night?

Barbra Jean, did you hear that?

Earthquake!

[cackles]

Elizabeth is not ready to spend the night over there.

This is absolutely wrong, Barbra Jean.

- You're right, Reba. - I'm not talkin' to you.

We have got to get that baby away from those pony people.

If they're in, I'm out.

What? Why would you say that?

Because they're real grandparents.

You and Brock are real grandparents to Elizabeth.

I'm just a young attractive woman that married her grandfather.

How can you be so selfish?

- This isn't about you. It's about me! - Ow.

I do her bedtime routine.

Apple juice, bath time, two silly stories, give her a blanket and she's out.

Right about now, she's spittin' out grape juice and cryin' for Grandma Reba.

And the young attractive woman that married Papa Brock.

Oh, my gosh. They don't have Elizabeth's blankie.

She can't go to sleep without her blankie.

Of course not. A blankie is like scotch to a child.

I'm gonna go give it to her. Yeah, let's go.

Why do you think I'd let you go with me?

Because if things get rough, you're gonna need some muscle.

Okay, but I call the shots. Batman, Robin. Got it?

[imperceptible]

[ringing on receiver]

No answer. Where could they have gone?

Well, I see some light. Someone must be home.

Oh no, wait. That's the gatehouse. Oh!

Man, they should be answering their phone.

- [phone beeps, rings] - I don't like this.

I mean, what if we were Ed McMahon, and we were here with a big fat check?

Yeah, like they need it. [scoffs]

[gasps] Oh, god. I hope they didn't sell Elizabeth

on the black market.

A healthy baby brings a pretty penny.

No answer.

What if they're in there and they're havin' a swingers party?

Do you know where Brock is tonight?

Let's go home. This is a crazy idea.

Oh, no. The Reba I know doesn't give up.

The Reba I know would scale that wall

and give those people a blankie and a piece of her mind.

- Oh, Barbra Jean. - No, Reba. I'm going over the wall.

- Give me a boost. - [scoffs] Me boost you?

You'd pound me into the ground.

There'd be just this little head down here in the dirt.

Well, we're not leaving until this blanket is in front of that door.

We came to perform a mission, and our mission is incomplete.

Oh, what's that I hear, Reba? A tiny cry in the night?

"Grammy Weba, I want my blankie."

- [imitates baby crying] - All right. All right.

Let's get this over with. Give me a boost.

All right. Okay. Okay. Come on.

[grunts] Oh, God. Yeah.

[grunting] Watch the mascara.

- [grunting continues] - Little higher. Just a little bit higher.

- Yeah. - Oh, I see a light.

Oh! What'd you--

Dad-blam it, I almost had it.

Well, I just started at Bally's. I can't hold you that long.

All right.

Just give me one big push and I can do the rest. Okay?

Okay. Right. Right.

Here we go. And hyah! Okay.

- Come on, Batman. - [grunting]

Hey, did you get new shoes?

- Okay, I got it. Rest's a piece of cake. - All right.

- [alarm blares] - [security system] Perimeter violation.

The police have been called.

- Barbra Jean, help me down. - Jump, Reba!

- I can't. It's too high. - Well, just shut your eyes and jump!

- Barbra Jean, help me down. - [security system] Perimeter violation.

I can't take another hit on my police record!

Barbra Jean!

Barbra Jean!

[Dan] Who's there?

Reba?

Oh. Hi, Dan. [chuckles]

Could you help me find my Frisbee? I think it flew over into your yard.

[piano on TV]

Why are you watching PBS?

If you tell me what PBS stands for, I'll tell you why I'm watching it.

I know what PBS stands for.

It's not "Peanut Butter Sandwich."

[knocking]

Hey, kids. Hey, is Barbra Jean over here?

No. Good.

Make sure you tell her I was looking for her.

Why are you watching PBS?

If you tell me what PBS stands for--

Forget it.

Hey, where's Van?

He's at school watching game tapes.

That kid's really committed to this thing, isn't he?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

- Could you get him to quit? - What?

At first I thought him playing football again would be great,

but it's terrible.

I never see him, and when I do, he's exhausted or sweaty.

I know it's hard right now, angel, but he's countin' on you.

You know, when I was going to dental school and workin' nights,

your mom was the only thing that got me through.

This is about your marriage? You do remember how it ended, right?

Yeah. Even though those were our toughest times,

the fact that we sacrificed for each other,

well, that just brought us closer.

Until you got divorced.

Right. Until we got divorced. Give me a break.

You know, it's possible I learned a few things from our mistakes.

Do you think I'm making a mistake about bugging Van

to spend more time with me?

Well, Cheyenne, do you think he loves you less

when he's not with you?

Of course not.

And do you think that once football season's over,

he's gonna do everything he can to make up for the time

- you missed together? - Yes. Yes.

Well, then I say, save your naggin' until it'll do you some good.

- I said bugging. - Whatever.

- Thank you, Daddy. - I'm glad I could help.

But what do I know? I got divorced.

- [spluttering] Dan, what was it? - Hey, Sue.

Reba, [clears throat] how can I put this delicately?

What the hell were you doin' on top of our wall?

Well, I wouldn't have had to been on your wall

if you'd just answered your phone.

Well, we were getting so many helpful phone calls,

we finally unplugged it.

- Thereby forcing people onto your wall. - [scoffs]

Okay. Maybe I did call one or five times,

but I was just concerned about the baby,

who is somewhere unsupervised.

She is sleeping in the nursery.

She can't be sleepin'. I've got her blankie.

By all means, let's wake her up and give it to her.

She's fine. You know, we have raised a son.

And you did a great job. He's a fantastic kid.

- But Elizabeth is my granddaughter. - She's our granddaughter too.

Right. For the last couple of weeks.

Okay. We get it.

We haven't been around. You can stop rubbing it in, Reba.

We already feel inferior to you.

[exhales]

Really?

Of course. You've been like Elizabeth's second mother.

We're practically strangers.

- Rich strangers. - What has that got to do with anything?

Hey. Children can be bought.

Heck, my kids are already liking y'all better than they like me.

Reba, you have nothing to worry about.

You have been with Elizabeth every second of her life.

Which do you think she's gonna remember,

her first ten months of care and love or her first pony?

I guess I was just a little jealous.

Reba?

Would you like a pony?

No, but those little Mini Coopers are really cute.

Look, I'm really sorry I scaled your wall. Y'all are doin' a great job.

Reba, we're not going to do anything

that takes away from what you have with Elizabeth.

We're just so grateful to be back in her life.

We're glad to have you.

Reba, did you know we call you "Super Grandma"?

[laughs] Well, I don't like to wear the cape.

[laughs] See ya.

[B.J.] Ca-caw! Ca-caw!

[loud whisper] Batman, are you in there?

Who is that?

I have no idea.

But if you have any dogs, now would be a good time to release 'em.

[closing theme music playing]