Original subtitles

[doorbell rings]

Grammy's here! I get presents!

- Hi, Jakey. - You're not a present.

Yeah, you're more like junk mail.

- Is Brock's mom here yet? - Why? Are you scared?

'Cause you should be.

I'm just so nervous about Grammy Liz's visit.

I mean, she's just so critical.

She's not critical. She's mean.

Junkyard dog mean.

Well, how'd you learn to deal with her?

I divorced Brock. But don't take that. That's mine.

What are you doing? You know she hates a mess.

Not as much as she hates my old, ratty bathrobe.

But this is like pokin' her with a stick.

Then she's gonna get all riled up,

and then she's gonna come over to my house.

Hey, put that back.

No, I'm cleaning up. If you're going down,

- you're going down alone, sister. - Give me that back.

No, you'll never get it back. I'm bigger than you.

- Give it to me. - No.

Giddy, giddy, giddy, giddy.

You have lost your mind.

Your fear of Brock's mom has finally pushed you over the edge.

I want her to get mad.

I want her to make her snide little comments

that I've had to put up for the last 20 years.

- Oh. - Ow.

See, I'm not related to her anymore.

Now when she comes in here and says,

"Gee, Reba, how long has your vacuum cleaner been broken?"

I can say, "Shut up! That's how long."

[Reba laughs]

- [knocking at door] - [whimpers]

[chuckles smugly]

All right. Pay attention.

You're gonna be wantin' to tell this story one of these days.

Reba.

Grammy Liz.

You look wonderful!

Really?

I didn't do my hair,

and I've been wearing this old, ratty bathrobe for a month.

Only you can pull it off.

Okay, then.

I've been so looking forward to seein' everybody.

And then there's you.

How are you, Barbra Ann?

It's... It's good to see you, Mom. [chuckles]

Mrs. Hart. [chuckles]

Ma'am.

And, uh, actually my name, it's Barbra Jean.

Why'd you tell me it was Barbra Ann?

- Are you trying to make me look stupid? - [gasps] I...

[gasping]

Sorry I didn't have time to clean up for you.

- I hope you don't mind. - I don't. I like the lived-in look.

Did I hug you yet? Come here.

[mouthing words]

My house is a pigsty.

Is she a well woman?

Reba, I don't understand it.

Why is she being nice to you and still being mean to me?

I don't know. She's found a way to treat you badly,

and make it unenjoyable for me.

- She's very good. - Yeah.

[theme song playing]

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

What is it?

It's a dickey.

It's for when you want the look of a turtleneck

without the extra heat.

Do I have to wear it?

Only while I'm in town.

Okay. But I'm not calling it a dickey.

[clears throat] You know, um,

I've always felt that the dickey was an underappreciated garment.

You know what else is underappreciated?

The muzzle.

Now, this is for you, Kyra-nut.

Me?

What did I do?

I saw this in the window at Murphy's,

and I said to myself, "That is Kyra."

It's perfect. I'll wear it Thursday to my bridge game.

Kyra, don't be rude. Say thank you to Grammy.

Now, why would she do that, Barbra Lynn?

If she doesn't like it, she doesn't like it.

You think it's a good idea to teach children to be dishonest?

No.

So you prefer they be rude?

No.

I... [squeaking]

Boy, I wonder how long Reba's vacuum cleaner's been broken.

[B.J. laughs]

Thanks, Grammy.

I'm gonna go see if Jake wants to trade for his dickey.

- I made muffins. - Ooh.

Hope they're not too overcooked.

Reba, those look horrible.

You must be the worst cook in the world.

Why do you let that woman talk to you like that?

Because I value her opinion. Her honest opinion.

Really? 'Cause usually you just tell me to shut up.

Shut up, Barbra Jean.

Hello. We're back.

- [Cheyenne laughs] - Oh. And you brought the baby.

- Yeah. - Isn't she precious?

I can't believe you're finally getting to meet her.

- Oh. She is perfect. - Mm-hmm.

You know, it was my idea to name her after you.

- Then why didn't you? - [laughing]

What?

My given name is Eliza. Liz is short for Eliza.

Well, yeah. That's her name.

Eliza... Beth.

Grammy, stop it. Van, she's lying to you.

- [Liz laughs] - That's what she does.

Isn't she great?

Yeah. My grandma used to knit, but, hey, lying's cool too.

What'd your parents think about you naming your child after me?

Uh, don't know.

We don't really talk to my father anymore. No biggie.

His dad thinks Van and I ruined his life

- by getting married. - Dada. Da.

I guess in every marriage there's that one in-law

that's critical and annoying and emotionally dead.

Muffin?

[Elizabeth cries]

[indistinct] It's time for Elizabeth to take a nap.

- Grammy, are you here for a while? - All afternoon.

And then she gets to come stay with us.

[laughs]

Lucky, lucky us.

Van, take Eliza Beth upstairs. I'm gonna go get a bottle.

All right. Come on, Grammy Jr.

[knocking at door]

- Mom! - Hi, honey. Did you wipe your feet

before you came in?

[chuckles] No, it's okay. My shoes are clean.

Is that back talk?

Now come here and give me a hug.

- [laughs] Oh, Mom. - Oh.

- How the heck are you? - Oh, I'm well, dear.

A little headache, of course, with your wife being so loud.

Yeah, you know, I know.

My whole life I've been the gal with the big booming voice.

Boom boom. That's me.

Hey, Boom Boom. Zip zip.

Mom, I can't wait for you to see Henry.

I told the sitter to let him sleep an extra-long time

so he'll be in a good mood for you.

Oh, yes. I understand you have a stranger taking care of him.

All right. Wait just a dad-blame minute.

You can say a lot of bad things about Barbra Jean,

but she is not a bad mom.

Sure, she laughs like a horse

and doesn't have the sense God gave paste,

but she is a good mother.

- Are you through? - Are you mad?

- Yes. - Then I'm through.

I'm mad at myself.

- What? - I crossed a line.

You are a good friend, Reba.

[huffing]

[grunting]

Something bothering you, Mom?

It's your grandmother.

Is she picking on you again?

Worse. She's being nice.

For 20 years that woman has tortured me, and I couldn't fight back.

And now that I can, she won't throw the first punch.

Hey, has she said anything bad about me behind my back?

Why does she have to criticize you first?

Why don't you tell her how you feel?

Because then I'd be pickin' a fight.

Mom always said that was wrong.

I guess I'm gonna have to keep chumming the waters till she strikes.

Isn't that picking a fight?

- You want a piece of me? - No.

Look, Mom, I know this is weird. I love Grammy Liz,

but I have no idea why you put up with her for this long.

She may be an awful, judgmental pain in the butt,

but she's a sweet old grandma to you kids.

I had to be nice so she'd keep comin' around.

Bad news, Ma. You still gotta be nice to her for Jake.

Are you kiddin'? She gave the boy a dickey.

He's on my side.

Mom, did I tell you we got a new dental chair for my office?

Not now, honey.

That's right, Brock. We need to concentrate.

That's the key to this-- Oh, all right. Yeah, you got me.

You got me there. But when I was younger, my older sister--

[laughs]

You know, when we played, we used to say, "Go."

- You say what, hon? - Go! Ahh!

Did I miss anything?

No, we were just talking about my new dental chair.

Okay, Mom. Barbra Jean and I have to go.

We gotta get the babysitter.

Lucky for you.

Because I was just about to make my big come--

I'm sorry, Barbra Jean.

I promise I'll make it up to you.

Okay, Mom. I'll be back to pick you up for dinner.

Well, it looks like it's just the two of us.

I have missed you.

- What's wrong with you? - What?

What's wrong with you?

Why have you suddenly started likin' me?

- I've always liked you. - [scoffs]

You ran over my foot once.

Oh, I was teasin'.

Like you were teasin' Barbra Jean just now?

I don't wanna talk about her.

She's not gonna be around that much longer anyway.

What are you talking about?

What would you say if I told you Brock was in love with somebody else?

You mean other than himself?

I'm serious. He told me.

I'd say I don't believe in spreadin' gossip.

So after you give me the name, it all stops here.

He's in love with you.

[laughs] What?

You're saying Brock's...

How... What?

The person he is in love with is you.

She's very, very good.

Brock's not still in love with me.

What's your game, old lady?

It's not a game. My gosh, Reba.

You must've suspected.

Oh, yeah, you're right. I knew he was still in love with me

when he came over and showed me his new baby.

Nevertheless,

you two have the best divorce of any couple I know.

Oh, yeah. It's the kind little girls dream of.

In case you hadn't noticed, Brock is married to Barbra Jean.

He would leave her for you in a red hot second.

I will not be the other woman to the other woman.

That's just weird.

When you two separated,

it wasn't because you didn't love each other.

It's 'cause Brock was having a midlife crisis.

He was vulnerable,

and that's when he was stolen away by Barbra Ella.

He wants you back, Reba.

[chuckles]

There is no chance of that ever happening.

Not even if hell froze over,

thawed, froze over again, thawed, froze ov...

Do you get my point?

Okay, you're a little overwhelmed.

I'm gonna give you some time to think about it.

I don't need time.

Turn your hearing aid up for this one. No chance!

Reba, don't you think it was a mistake for Brock to marry Barbra Jim?

It doesn't matter what I think.

Brock married her. He must love her.

Do you think that Brock is basically a sane person?

I don't know. Does sanity come from the father or the mother?

Answer the question.

Yes, I think basically he's sane.

Okay. Listen close.

Would any sane person choose that woman over you?

Honey. What are you doin'?

Oh, just writin' in my training journal.

Then I bet you that this will feel good.

Aah, that is it right there.

- [chuckles] Yeah. - A little bit left.

- Okay. - Up, up, up.

- There it is. The head. - Oh.

Aah, the head is good.

Van, I think that we should make peace with your dad.

Stop!

Cheyenne, you can't rub a guy's head

and then start talking about his dad.

Van... it's time that you end this thing with him.

My mom put up with Grammy Liz for 18 years because of me.

I think we should do the same for Elizabeth.

Yeah, but this is different. Grammy Liz didn't disown your mom

because she threw her life away on some cheerleader.

He said I was a cheerleader? I was on drill team.

- Would it kill him to know the difference? - Good.

Good, good. You're getting mad at him again.

No, no. I'm just really sick of people not giving me credit for my work.

Van, I know your dad hurt you.

Whoa, whoa. [chuckles]

He didn't hurt me.

You can't hurt steel.

Okay, first, fix your hair,

'cause everything I tell you, it looks like you're surprised.

- And he did hurt you. - Fine, he hurt me. So what?

I swallowed that hurt, just like I swallow everything else.

All that pain is just sittin' in my stomach,

like a big black ball of rage and anger.

They don't have a Rolaids for that, Cheyenne.

Van, you are big enough of a person

to get over what he did to you.

Right. To me.

But I don't know if I'm a big enough person

to get over what he did to you and Elizabeth.

We'd be doing this for Elizabeth.

Look, we cannot let this big black anger-ball

get in the way of Elizabeth's happiness.

But that's what parents do.

They get in the way of their child's happiness.

That way the kids have someone to blame their problems on.

- We're doing her a favor. - Van...

You know deep down inside that Elizabeth

should have a relationship with her grandparents.

All of her grandparents.

- This is a lot to think about, Cheyenne. - Mmm.

- And you know I hate to think a lot. - I know.

[murmurs]

[knocking at door]

Hey, Reba. Where's my mother?

Don't worry about that. We need to talk.

No, we don't. Not with that tone of voice.

Sit down, Brock.

- You want somethin' to drink? - No, thanks.

You sure?

Don't make a snap decision you might regret.

For once in your life, think long-term.

Think about the future.

Well, I was only gonna stay a minute, but I guess I could go a Snapple.

I can give you a Snapple, Brock,

but that's all I can give you.

Do you understand what I'm sayin'?

If you only have the one, I'll pass.

Your mother told me your secret.

Oh. [chuckles]

Uh, which... which, which one?

The big one.

The one where you said you're still in love with me.

[chuckles] Did she now?

Yeah.

My mother. God rest her soul.

- Brock, it's over. - Reba--

Look, I understand you're a man.

You're weak. Did you cry when you finally let it out?

Yeah, okay. Okay. I did say I loved you,

but that was two years ago, during the divorce,

and as a person I share a history with, as the mother of my children.

Not the way I love Barbra Jean.

Do you get the difference?

Never mind, then. So, you want a Snapple?

Just hold on a second.

So, you've been sittin' here

thinking that I'm, like, what,

madly in love with you?

Nobody ever mentioned "madly," Brock. That never came up.

It will when I tell the story.

[laughs]

It was great seein' you all.

Next time you have to come to my house. There's too much drama around here.

Bye, Grammy. Thanks again for the bib.

You're welcome, honey.

Kyra, why is he wearing it like that?

I told him to. I consider it your real gift to me.

- Bye, honey. - Bye, Grammy.

- And Cheyenne. - [chuckles]

I can't tell you how much it meant to me

that you named Elizabeth after me.

Well, we actually didn't name Elizabeth after you.

Van wanted to name her Elizabeth so she'd be Elizabeth Montgomery.

You know, after that cool lady on Bewitched.

Okay, Mom. Time to go.

I want a minute to talk to Reba.

I don't like it when you talk to Reba.

It's never good when you talk to Reba.

Don't make me come over there.

Treats me like I'm five.

I'm not five. I'm way more than five.

Reba... I wasn't trying to cause problems.

I was trying to make up for some of the ones I caused in the past.

I guess I've always felt partly responsible

for you and Brock breaking up.

Don't give yourself too much credit.

I do blame you for a lot of things.

Hurricanes, tornadoes, discos.

That sort of thing. But not breaking up my marriage.

All marriages go through some hard times.

I guess I was just worried that

my criticism might have driven a wedge between you.

So, this guilt thing's really buggin' you.

I could learn to enjoy that.

I just wanted what I thought was best for my son.

What's best for him is for you to quit interfering in his life.

He's a big boy now. He's not five.

He's way more than five.

Thank you for your advice.

You've always been good with advice.

Guess that's the benefit of making so many mistakes.

All right. All right.

Let's go.

About time somebody put you in your place.

Gotta warn you though.

I'm a little quicker than Barbra J--

[grunts]

She's very good.

[sighs]

Hey.

[closing theme music playing]