Original subtitles

Okay, Mr. Ramsey. I'll see you at 3:00

for your teeth cleaning. Uh-huh.

Oh, and remember, floss is a man's best friend!

Dr. Fisher insists I say that.

Well, no. I didn't mean to insult your dog.

See ya at 3:00. Bye!

Brock, what are you doin' here? What if Eugene sees you?

I don't care. Thanks to him,

I got another citation from the building manager.

This one's for a fire code violation

for having too many patients in my waiting room.

I don't want to hear about it.

When my ex-husband and my boss are fightin', there's no one to cheer for.

I just stay clear and hope the game is called because of stupidity.

Fine. Give this to Eugene.

They dropped his dental supplies by my office.

- Oh! I thought I smelled a rat. - So you have rats, huh?

Somebody should call the manager.

"Hello, manager? I'm a big girl."

Guys, you're makin' my life miserable.

Don't you think you could just knock this whole thing off?

Hope you're talking about his head 'cause I'd like to knock it off.

He threatened me, Reba! Call the police.

Brock, just go.

Fine. But you are not getting me kicked out of this building.

- You're goin' in the log! - Oh! I'm goin' in the log!

Make a note of his latest offense.

I want him out on the street, practicing dentistry under a bridge.

- What did he ever do to you? - It's personal.

I can't stand the thought of sharing

the building with that wannabe George Hamilton.

Okay. Fine.

If you guys wanna hate each other, that's your business.

But why do I have to be a part of it?

Reba, I'm not a confrontational man,

but I have to say this clearly and concisely.

Help me get Brock out of the building or look for another job!

- Oh! - [door slams]

Eugene, I wouldn't open that

- if I were you! - [muffled explosion]

Never mind. I'll get the log. [laughs]

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

[sighs] I'm warnin' you right now.

I had a bad day at work so back off.

You need this more than I do.

Oh, thank you, honey.

- You are such a kiss-up. - I am not!

Hey, cut it out.

I get enough of that at work.

You two are as bad as a couple of dentists.

Kyra, why do you have to cause trouble?

Ever since the cutbacks in after-school programs,

I've been bored.

Write your congressman.

- Hey, Mom! - Don't you start with me too.

Ooh, I sure had that one comin'.

Sorry. Bad day at the office.

Well, in that case, you should do what

Cheyenne does when she's upset.

Go to the mall and buy yourself somethin' pretty.

No, go ahead. Pick a couple.

Van, did you cash your paycheck all in ones again?

Yes, only this time there's a whole lot more.

It's from tree-trimming I've been doing with Oscar after work.

He's paying me in cash. No taxes. Everybody wins.

- Yes. It is called "off the books." - Mm-hmm.

It's called "cheating the government."

No, it's called off the books.

The government actually saves money

because they don't have to deal with all those extra books.

Well, it's wrong.

So you either pay your taxes or quit your job.

Wait, Mrs. H. Mrs. H, hold on now.

Would, uh, 20 bucks make this go away?

Twenty bucks? [laughs]

No.

Well, I can't claim the money. Oscar would get in trouble.

Well, you can't quit your job because that would upset me.

Then I'd have to go to the mall,

but I couldn't 'cause we'd have no money.

Cheyenne, calm down. I am not quitting my job.

- I'm just gonna lie to your mom. - Oh, thank God.

We'll just have to act poor but not let on.

Okay.

[loudly] Cheyenne, I'm gonna be out quitting my job.

[chuckles]

[knocking]

- Hey, Reba. You wanted to see me? - Yes.

Brock, you need to put an end to this thing with Eugene.

Me? Why me? I'm winnin'.

Because if it keeps going, I'm gonna have to help him

or I'll lose my job.

That snake. Using you to fight his dirty little war.

Join me, Reba, and together we can ruin him.

What happened between you two? You used to be friends.

I don't know. I woke up one day, and he hated me.

So you're sayin' he finally got to know ya.

Look, maybe it's a misunderstanding,

you just need to sit and talk about it.

It's too late for that, Reba. This has gone too far.

Brock, I love my job.

The only bad thing about it is you two morons.

- Fine. I'll sit down if he will. - Good.

But he won't, because he lives for this stuff.

What, you think he has a personal life? No.

This feud is his most significant human contact.

Must be hard always being right.

Eugene!

[hisses]

I'm surprised you got him to come over, Reba.

I thought he'd be at the salon working on that fake-and-bake tan.

This is natural. I play golf,

you pasty-faced nancy-boy.

Look, you're both right,

but right now we're here to work things out.

So have a seat. Sit down.

I'll sit when he sits.

- No, you sit. - No, you sit.

- You sit first. - No, you--

Sit down!

Who wants to go first? Who wants to be the bigger man?

Okay, fine. But you started all this.

Everything I've done has been in retaliation for what you've done.

You deserve everything I've done to you and more.

You ruined my life.

How? How have I ruined your life?

Oh, are you forgetting about a certain woman...

and what you did to her about two years ago?

Oh, my gosh.

This is about me?

Eugene, I didn't know you were so protective.

Not you, you egomaniac!

Barbra Jean!

He stole her from me!

[together] What?

The only woman that ever meant anything to me.

Wait a second.

You two have put me through all this stuff just because of Barbra Jean?

[muffled screaming]

I'm okay.

Give me a break. You never dated Barbra Jean.

Three times. State fair, state fair, bowling.

Did you take her to the state fair or was she working there?

You're a-- You're a lying little weasel...

with a-- with a sick little mind.

Oh! Oh! Touched a nerve, did I?

What are you worried about, Brock? That she still wants me?

Pal, you just crossed the line!

- Get away from me right now! - [grunts]

- [screams] - [thuds]

- Are you okay, pal? - [Eugene] Ow.

Oh, my back.

I'm going to sue you, Brock,

for everything you have!

You'll be sorry you took my lady.

I think we're makin' progress.

- Morning, Reba. - Morning, Eugene.

Whoa. Have you gotten taller, or is it that neck brace?

I need you to book an appointment for Mrs. Haggerty,

order some more X-ray film,

and when you testify in tomorrow's hearing, agree with everything I say.

Eugene, you can't ask me to do something like that.

I'm not asking you to do it for me.

I'm asking you to do it because you hate Brock more than I do.

- I don't hate Brock. - Really?

You have no problem with the man who abandoned you

and made you a laughingstock in front of the entire dental community?

Yeah, that's a crowd I'll miss.

Regardless, all I have to do tomorrow is tell the truth.

I understand that you're not gonna lie on the stand

and you're honest and all that crap.

But which truth are you going to tell tomorrow?

Eugene, it's very simple.

You took a swing at Brock, he ducked, and you fell.

Yes, that happened, but is that all that happened?

Well, you wept.

Tears of joy, because I finally had him where I wanted him.

But you took the first swing.

Reba, look at me.

Would I take a swing at that man unless he was on the attack?

Well, we don't know for sure that he was gonna attack.̣

Exactly! We don't know.

Only Brock knows what's in his heart.

His cold, adulterous heart.

Can you get me some coffee?

Hey, look at this. I have it all figured out.

If we take the extra money that I've been making

and invest it in a no-risk real estate scheme,

that money will rocket us to vast wealth.

I saw this guy talk about it on TV.

He was in Hawaii sitting by a pool.

But, Van, what if we get caught?

I mean, this is illegal. We could go to jail.

Look at me, Van. I wouldn't last three days in the can.

We're not gonna get caught. No one does.

Have you ever heard of anyone getting caught?

You know, maybe you just need a little green love. Okay?

- Just leave me out of it. - [hums]

For once, Van, I think you got a good point.

Are you mocking me in some way I don't understand?

No, I agree that there's no way the government will catch you,

unless they catch Oscar and they cut him a deal to rat you out.

[scoffs] Oscar won't rat me out.

Yeah, you're right. I'm sure he'd go to prison just to save your hide.

'Cause you guys are, like, best friends, right?

Well, I wouldn't say best friends.

I mean, the other day I was talkin' to him and forgot his name.

Well, I bet he won't forget your name, 'cause that's the first thing

he's gonna say when they haul him in.

Oh, man, Oscar's a wuss. He's gonna roll over like he's French!

[Judge] All right. Everybody take a seat. We need to begin.

Now, both parties have consented to hold these hearings without counsel

and to abide by the ruling from the bench as binding.

Furthermore...

And isn't it true that at that point, Dr. Hart,

that large, intimidating, ape-like man seated over there,

moved toward me in a threatening manner?

Well, he moved toward you. That part's true.

But I don't know if it was in a threatening manner.

Ms. Hart,

how much do you think I weigh?

Sixty pounds.

A hundred and thirteen.

And Dr. Hart is probably closer to 280.

Objection!

I move that comment be stricken from the record.

This is not a formal court of law. All you have to say is "Excuse me."

- Dr. Fisher, get to the point. - Yes, Your Honor.

Did that much larger man make the first move?

- Well, it's kind of hard to say-- - Yes or no?

- Yes, he did. - Then my injuries are his fault.

- I have no more questions. - [murmuring]

Do you hear that, Brock? That's a hubbub.

That is not a good sound in a courtroom.

I don't have any choice. I've gotta take her down.

Your Honor,

I don't believe this witness's testimony can be trusted.

- Hey! - Ms. Hart, do you know

what it means to be a hostile witness?

Bite me.

Do you remember that a few moments ago you swore to tell the truth?

I appreciate the lecture in honesty, Brock,

but I always tell the truth.

Reba...

[stomps feet] Why do you think we got divorced?

[laughs]

I'm sure if you keep talkin' the court will understand.

- It's because I had an affair, right? - As crazy as it sounds.

Mm-hmm. But wasn't our marriage in trouble long before that affair?

Well, if it was, it was because you stopped communicating.

Maybe I stopped communicating because you weren't interested

- in what I was goin' through. - Oh, that's all you wanted

to talk about, you big baby, what you were goin' through.

I was goin' through a bunch of stuff too.

Yeah, but to get you to open up about it was impossible.

No, you just wanted to sulk.

Well, it's kind of hard to open up

when you know nobody's listenin'.

- Hey, I'm a very good listener. - Ha-ha! That's a good one!

Chewing ice and staring at someone

when they're trying to speak to you is not listening Brock!

So you stop talking, and it's all my fault.

Boy, you'll find a way to blame me for anything, won't ya?

- You're darn right I will. - [murmuring]

Hmm.

So,

Mrs. Hart,

did you allow your personal feelings to influence your testimony?

Did you lie under oath, thereby committing perjury?

Oh, no. No, no, Your Honor. That's not what I was trying to prove.

Doesn't matter what you were trying to prove, Mr. Hart.

Did you commit perjury?

Well, I didn't mean to.

Wait, wait. No! I don't want

- to get her into trouble! - Dr. Hart, please.

See, look, all that she's done this entire time is

try and get Eugene and me to stop acting like a couple of idiots.

Reba, I'm sorry I dragged you into this whole thing.

Mmm. That's a beautiful speech.

Beautiful.

Of course, you realize, if she didn't lie, you're guilty.

[gasps]

Well, go easy on her.

Wha--

Oh, wait, wait, wait. All right.

I'm guilty. I wanted to hit him.

Ha! He admits it! Victory is mine!

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Your Honor, I am willing to forget everything,

even the terrible pain that I have to live with every day,

and let it go,

if he'll move out of the building.

- [gasps] - Barbie J.,

now do you see that I'm the better man?

- What happened to you? - I won.

No, the man that took me to the fair wouldn't do this.

Where's the man that won me the stuffed Pink Panther?

The man who bought me two chili dogs and cotton candy?

The man who held my hair back after the Tilt-A-Whirl?

Kind of puts Romeo and Juliet to shame, doesn't it?

I love Brock now,

and only Brock.

Damn this spell I put men under!

[Eugene] Your Honor,

I'm dropping all the charges.

You may release the ape!

Van, there's a man on the phone for you.

He says his name is Ira.

I don't know anybody named Ira.

Ira S.

[whispering] The I.R.S.?

Oh, my God. They know!

They know.

What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?

Van, calm down. Do you want me to talk to them?

Would you?

You are an angel in black.

Hello?

I'm sorry. Van's not in right now. He's volunteering at the soup kitchen.

You-- You say he owes back taxes?

Well, maybe it's a mistake.

Uh-huh. Well, I can assure you he doesn't want to go to jail.

Tell them I'll pay. They can have it all.

Wait. What if I were to bring you the $70 he owes?

- Would that help? - Yeah! Yeah.

Plus a $30 fine. Well, good. I'll see you tomorrow.

No, thank you.

- Did they buy it? - Yes, Van.

[laughing]

Oh, Kyra. You are my hero! You saved me.

All right. Here's the money.

I-- I'd give you a tip if I had any left, but--

Well, we'll just say you owe me 10.

I guess we all learned that honesty is the best policy.

Oh, I sure did!

[giggles]

And here's your cut.

That part about Ira was brilliant.

You said 20.

Come on, Jake. You gotta pay your taxes.

Hey, Reba. You called?

Yeah. I wanted to talk to Brock.

Did you want to tell him how wonderful and noble he was in court today?

- Oh, honey. Stop. - Yeah, honey. Stop.

That was a nice thing you did.

But I was a little ashamed of myself how I snapped like that.

See, despite the fact that you despise Brock,

he rose above that... "despisiveness."

Barbra Jean, honey, could you do me a favor and wait in the car?

Excuse me, but I believe this is Reba's house.

- I'll wait in the car. - Thanks, honey.

Don't play with the radio.

Listen, Reba. It's okay if you still despise me.

- I can handle it. - I can't.

I've been tellin' you and Eugene to let bygones be bygones, and...

here I am holding on to a grudge like Van with a ham sandwich.

- That bad, huh? - Yeah.

But after what happened today,

I've decided to let go of some of my anger toward you.

Are you gonna hit me?

That'd probably do it.

But I need to take a more long-term approach.

Well, that's very healthy. Listen, if you need a therapist,

I know a guy that just got his license back.

I'm good.

But as a first step, I've got a confession to make.

You remember when you moved out,

I told you I couldn't remember where your favorite putter was?

- Uh-huh. - [chuckling]

Well, here.

- Well. - [chuckles]

You know, since we're bein' honest, well, I realized today...

that I still have a little anger toward you too.

- What? - Yeah.

What do you have to be angry about?

You're the one that started this stupid thing!

How could you be so selfish?

This might take a while.

Acme! [coughing]