Original subtitles

Come on, Jake. No one's gonna think you like a girl

just because you give her a Valentine card that says,

"I'm buggy for you."

- Isn't that cute? - No.

-"I'm buggy for you"? - Yeah.

Why not go to school without pants? That would be less humiliating.

- Can I, Mom? - No.

You have no idea what it's like to be a man.

So, Mom, tomorrow's your first Valentine's Day with Brian.

I don't see what the big deal is.

It's just a made-up holiday. I think I'll make up a holiday.

Oh, yeah. National I Hate My Life Day.

I was thinking more like Teenage Mothers' Day.

It comes nine months after prom.

I was already pregnant at prom. [mock laughs]

Well, I'm with Kyra. I can't stand Valentine's Day.

What? You've gotta be kidding me.

Valentine's Day ruins relationships.

If you give yourself into it, it's really a wonderful day.

It's a wicked day!

It puts relationships under a hot light and smacks 'em around till they talk.

Yeah, you don't get that on many Valentine's Day cards.

Look, it's fine for you and Van. You guys are married.

But Brian and I, we're at a different stage.

- What stage is that? - I like him. We're deeply in like.

-"In like"? - Yep.

You haven't said "I love you"?

No!

I don't say that unless I mean it.

I could barely muster it up for you the other day.

What if Brian gets caught up in the romance

of Valentine's Day and says it to you?

Then I'll just say, "Thank you."

If he says "I love you," you cannot say "Thank you."

Well, I'm not gonna be rude.

And, anyway, we've already talked about it.

We're gonna treat this day just like any other date.

- Uh-oh. - What?

Well, he's planning on surprising you

with a romantic dinner and a carriage ride through River Oaks.

He told me so I'd make sure that you dress properly.

Oh! Dinner and a carriage ride?

Man, he sure knows how to ruin a Valentine's Day.

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are planted In the past ♪

♪ Though my life Is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom Who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids And never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Hey, Jake. Carla called.

Or should I call her "Mrs. Jake Hart"?

Shut up.

That valentine really did the trick.

You, my friend, are a love magnet.

And I can't turn it off.

Hey-Hey there, little stud. Carla called.

I know!

You remember that, Van?

That time in your life when you hated girls?

Uh, no.

Hey, Mr. H, can I borrow your car tonight?

Last Valentine's Day, we didn't get to do anything special,

since Cheyenne was all pregnant and, you know, mean.

This year I wanna do something special.

What'd you have in mind?

I'm gonna drive down to the football field,

and I got a buddy to rig the scoreboard...

to flash "Van loves Cheyenne," and then, you know, my stats.

I love that you love my daughter so much,

but can I give you a little piece of marital advice?

Well, are you really the best one for that?

The bigger a deal you make out of this Valentine's Day,

the more you're gonna have to do next year.

- But isn't that good? - Well, is it?

The first year Reba and I were married,

I'd saved a piece of driftwood from the first night

we ever walked together on the beach.

So I got a buddy of mine with a pickup truck.

We filled it up with sand and dumped it in the backyard.

Then I recreated that night.

Wow.

Exactly. And how do you think I topped it the next year?

You brought water.

No. No, I never did top it.

Even though she never said it, I always felt

like every Valentine's Day after that was a big disappointment.

Well, is it even legal to take sand from the beach?

Look, you have to manage a woman's expectations.

Start small.

Take her to a restaurant with little puzzles on the place mat.

Oh, yeah. Those are fun.

Even better, they're cheap.

Look, I'll tell you what. Barbra Jean and I'll go with you.

That way, the girls can't compare notes and hold it against us.

- And we shouldn't get 'em any gifts? - No gifts. No flowers.

- Well, how 'bout a card? - What? Make me look bad?

Take it easy, Diamond Jim.

Hey, Kyra.

Brian and I aren't goin' out to dinner tonight, so you don't have to babysit.

Great. That'll be $30.

I have a strict 24-hour cancellation policy.

It always makes me laugh that you think you're gonna get paid.

Is it too late for you to make other plans?

I already made plans. Cheyenne told me you were sick.

Can I get you anything? Maybe some fake aspirin?

[knocking]

- Hey, Reba. - Brian!

What are you doin' here?

I told you I was sick. [coughing]

That's why I came over, to nurse you back to health.

Oh, um, can't you do it over the phone?

- Come on, Reba. Let me in. - Okay. Just a minute.

[coughing]

[continues coughing]

[sneezing]

Come on in.

I figured since we couldn't go out for Valentine's Day,

the next best thing would be for us to stay in together.

Isn't that nice?

After all, we cannot miss our first Valentine's Day.

Oh, can we not talk anymore? My throat's startin' to close up.

Van, do you think I'm dressed up enough for this restaurant?

Well, you're wearing shoes and a shirt. You're fine.

Wait a minute. Is this one of those things

where you tell me not to dress up

because we're just going to the Spaghetti Hut,

but then when I walk outside,

there's gonna be a limo waiting to take us dancing?

Well, if there's a limo outside, it's that chick who likes Jake.

So we're really spending Valentine's Day with Dad and Barbra Jean?

Come on, Cheyenne.

Valentine's Day is about family.

Who's ready for an all-you- can-eat meatball bonanza?

Bring it on!

I'm 25 meatballs away from makin' their wall of fame.

And save room for a special Valentine's Day dessert.

- Oh! - Assorted nougats.

- Brock got 'em for me. - Oh, that's so sweet.

Van, why didn't you get me candy?

Because you can get yourself candy, because you're not five.

Did you wipe your feet off,

because, you know, Reba really doesn't like it when--

- I thought you said no presents! - I couldn't help it.

We were at the drugstore. The candy was by the cash register,

and Barbra Jean had already eaten one!

Well, you could've got a box for me, so I don't look bad in front of Cheyenne.

I got a box of cough drops if you want 'em.

Great. Now Cheyenne's gonna be mad

because Barbra Jean got something nice and she didn't.

They're medicated.

- That doesn't cut it for my girl. - Ye--

Uh, excuse me, ladies.

I just remembered.

I left something upstairs for Cheyenne that's very special.

You're bluffing.

If by "bluffing," you mean I didn't pull it out of my butt at the drugstore,

then, yeah, I'm bluffing.

So I brought you a little somethin'.

You didn't have to do that.

I don't need anything, really.

Hey. If she doesn't want it, I'll buy it from ya.

This is something ya need. Something special for somebody special.

Don't say that. Don't sound like a greetin' card.

Chicken soup. This is the same soup my mom gave me when I had a cold.

How old is that stuff?

You know what? Since it's Valentine's Day,

I should serve this to you by candlelight.

No! I mean, look, Brian.

Do we have to be all "romantic-y" and everything?

Is that okay if we don't?

- Can I be honest? - Sure.

[sighs deeply] I hate this holiday.

- You what? - I hate Valentine's Day.

You do? I hate it too!

- There's so much pressure. - Absolutely!

I mean, it's just hearts and flowers and that Cupid guy.

Stupid, fat baby goin' around shootin' people with a bow and arrow.

[blows raspberry]

Why do people make such a big fuss about each other

simply because it's Valentine's Day?

- Amen! Who needs it? - Yeah.

I mean, we decide which nights are special nights.

- Like when we go out bowling. - And eat hot dogs.

- Man, I love them hot dogs. - I love hot dogs too!

- And I love bowling. - I love bowling too!

- And I love you, Reba. - I love you too!

[coughing]

Well, we finally said it.

We sure did.

Just popped it right out there.

It felt good. "I love you."

[chuckles awkwardly] Excuse me.

Cheyenne, I need to talk to you.

Oh, could you two please excuse us just for a second?

Why do we have to leave?

Because it's my house, and you annoy me.

If you hadn't left her, this would be your house

and we wouldn't have to leave.

Mom, what is it?

Things went horribly wrong, Cheyenne. He said it.

Oh, my God. Did you say "Thank you"?

No!

I said "I love you too," but I didn't mean it.

I don't understand. Why would you say "I love you"

if you didn't mean it? It's not like you're a man.

I don't know. I panicked.

Look, it's been a long time since I've dated,

so is it okay to say that and then take it back?

It is if it's recess.

Look, Mom, so you said it once. Just don't say it again.

I don't think it's that simple. He's already said it twice.

He's gonna notice if every time he says it,

I get up and leave the room.

- What are you gonna do? - I don't know.

I wish I could get him out of here and figure out a way

to handle this without ruining everything.

You know what? Maybe Brian didn't mean to say it either.

Maybe he just said it because he thought he had to.

Yeah! Yeah. Maybe your boyfriend lies to you. I mean, we can hope.

Well, I just think it's wonderful that you and Reba found each other.

Last year, it was just so awkward, "Reba Hart, party of one."

You know. [grimaces]

Oh, there she is, and she's got that love glow.

It's a fever sweat, Barbra Jean.

[scoffs] Oh, yeah.

A love fever.

- I'll bite you. - Okay.

Barbra Jean, leave her alone.

Reba, I'm sorry. Maybe we ought to wait in the car.

No, it's okay. It's not like we're on some big date.

I'm just nursin' Reba back to health with some chicken soup.

[chuckles] You brought her soup the first time she got sick?

Good luck during cold and flu season.

- [women gasping] - Oh, Van,

you're wearing the sweater I bought you for Valentine's Day!

You're wearin' the sweater she got you? Are you even a man?

Oh, I'm a man, all right. A man who wrote Cheyenne a love poem.

- What? - In lavender-scented marker.

- Thank you very much, Kyra. - Oh.

You wrote me a poem?

And I'd like to share it with all the lovers in the world.

[squealing]

You make my heart go pitter-pat.

In those jeans, you don't look fat.

And the reason for my love is that

- I can't imagine life without you. - [sighs]

Wow.

Which jeans?

No, no, no, no, no.

You can't throw in lines that don't rhyme and call it a poem.

Eat my dust, old man.

Well, I think it's sweet.

I mean, there is nothin' more sacred and profound than words from the heart.

Isn't that right, Reba?

Uh, who knows where words come from?

Sometimes they just spill out of the mouth like drool from a hound dog.

Barbra Jean, I may not have a poem...

that somebody clearly made up on the spot,

but I do have three little words that say it all for me. I love you.

I love you too, Brock.

- I love you, Cheyenne. - I love you too, Van.

And Brian loves hot dogs, and I love bowlin'. Next topic.

You know, after that poem, well, a buffet just seems wrong.

- I'm takin' everyone to Gerard's. - [gasps]

Oh, that is the most romantic restaurant in town!

Oh, and the food's wonderful.

I'm too sick to go, but, Brian, you shouldn't miss it. Go on.

Reba, I'm not goin' anywhere. I'm stayin' here.

It's Valentine's Day. Besides, I love you.

[laughs nervously] Excuse me.

Very smooth with the restaurant.

But remember, I could crush you with another poem like that.

Yeah, and on the way, let's stop by the florist.

I wanna get my wife a dozen-- No, two dozen roses.

[Barbra Jean squeals]

Two dozen roses?

Someone's scared, I "supposes."

- He did it again! He's gifted. - I know.

- [door closes] - [sighs] Looks like everybody left.

Assuming they were here. Were they here?

Oh, my gosh. I must be delirious.

I really should go to bed.

- Reba, what's goin' on? - Nothin'.

You just tried to get me to go out on a date with your ex-husband.

Okay, Brian. Look.

I'm gonna be honest with ya.

I just didn't feel comfortable about what we said earlier.

Mm-hmm.

And I know it's Valentine's Day,

and we're under a lot of pressure to say what we said

and you probably didn't mean it, 'cause I didn't mean it either.

Of course I meant it.

Well, I'm sorry, because I didn't.

I mean, you said it first. What was I supposed to say?

How 'bout "Thank you"?

I had that.

Reba, you shouldn't have said it unless you felt the same way.

I know, but in my own defense, I only said it once.

After that, it was "Excuse me" and out.

Well, then, excuse me.

Oh, Brian, I don't want you to leave all upset.

Okay. I'll leave happy.

[exhales]

Well, that was the worst dinner ever.

"Lobster for everyone." Thank you so much, Dr. Big Shot.

- You didn't have to eat two of 'em. - Who was he tryin' to impress?

- Maybe his wife. - Oh, yeah. Right.

You know what? I'm not gonna let him get off that easy.

I'm gonna write the most romantic poem in the world,

and tomorrow, I'm gonna find your dad and read it to him.

What about me?

Don't get in the middle of this, Cheyenne.

Okay. What is going on here?

Because you seem to be a lot more focused on my dad than me.

- He's tryin' to take me down. - What?

He wants to make me look bad,

he knows I can't take you to fancy restaurants

- or buy you expensive jewelry. - [sighs]

Honey, someday you will. Right?

You know, if I had the money, I'd buy you a Camaro.

Actually, I'd buy us both Camaros.

We'd have matching Camaros.

Well, I had a wonderful Valentine's Day because I was with you.

- Really? - Mm-hmm.

God, I am such an idiot.

You only care about being with me, and all that fancy stuff doesn't matter.

Of course it doesn't.

You know, I'm gonna remember this next Valentine's Day.

Well, you made this one very special.

[sighs] I just can't wait to see what you do next year to top it.

- What's with you? - I got girl trouble, bad.

- Do you really want Carla off your back? - Yes, please.

- Then you gotta kiss her best friend. - Tiffany Baxter?

Gross! She eats bugs!

What's worse? A few moments of gross or a whole lifetime of Carla?

Man, I hope this stuff gets easier when you get older.

- Hey, honey. - Love stinks.

- What's goin' on? - Nothing important.

But when Tiffany Baxter calls, it's not my fault. Your son's just a player.

[grunts] Hey, Mrs. H. How was your Valentine's Day?

- Brian and I had a fight. - Oh, man. I knew that guy was trouble...

with his smooth talk and his little glasses that say, "Look at me.

I'm sensitive."

I told him I love him, and then I told him I didn't. I think it might be over.

- Wow. - Stupid Valentine's Day.

I told everybody this was gonna happen, and it happened.

Well, if you didn't love the guy, it was gonna happen eventually, right?

Wouldn't you rather have it happen now than later?

No. Now I don't have anybody to go bowlin' with.

There are leagues, you know.

I guess I was just afraid of bein' lonely.

The year after the divorce was hard.

It was just nice to have somebody to hang out with.

How can you be lonely? You have a house full of people who love you.

Yeah. That's another problem.

I know I do, Van. Thank you.

- And Mrs. H? - What?

I love you too. [laughs nervously]

Excuse me.

[theme music playing]

Acme! [coughing]