Original subtitles

But, Mrs. H, I don't wanna go in the car. It smells terrible.

I'm sure it's better. I left all the windows down,

I sprinkled potpourri on the seats,

and I put a half a lemon in the glove box.

Hints from Heloise. Come on.

Mom, a mouse crawled into the exhaust system and died.

Decaying rodent does not smell better over time. Hints from science.

Come on, you wimps. Let's give it a try.

It's just a little bitty mouse.

Oh, man!

Little bitty mouse with a big ol' stink.

Oh, man. Oh, man, that is back-of-the-football-bus bad.

Okay. One of us has to find this mouse.

[all exclaim]

- [exhales] - Whew!

Come on, Van. You're not my kin. Get hoppin'.

Why do I always have to do the big, strong man stuff around here?

Make Kyra do it.

You are such a waste of testosterone.

[scoffs] Oh, yeah?

So are you.

Fine. I'll do it.

Oh, wait, I think I found something. Yeah. There it is. Ah.

Hey, the dipstick grabbed the dipstick.

You know, my friend Kendall's family also had car trouble.

They took it to someone called... a mechanic.

It costs $500 to flush out this mouse.

Stink or no stink, I don't have the cash.

So borrow the money from Dad.

Every dollar of his we spend is one less for Barbra Jean.

I like the way you think, but, no.

Well, I guess there's only one thing to do, sell Jake.

- Kyra. - What? He's the obvious choice.

Cheyenne's the prom queen, I'm the brain, and Jake's the spare.

Whew. I thought I was the spare.

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

All right, I call ya. Read 'em and weep, baby.

A pair of nines. Let's see what you got.

Full house?

Well, one more king, you might've had something there.

Van, I can't believe you're stealing cookies away from Elizabeth.

You should be very proud.

Look how sad she is.

Mom, we've got to do something about that car.

I can't get the smell of dead rodent out of my hair.

Well, I still don't have $500, so let's shave your head.

I think you should sell this.

My engagement ring? Kyra, what were you doing in my jewelry box?

Putting your earrings back.

You didn't ask to borrow my earrings, you little poot.

Come on, Mom. It's the one piece of jewelry you're never gonna wear again.

What if one of you kids want it someday?

An engagement ring from a failed marriage?

That's like wearing the clothes off a dead person.

- What? - It fits.

Cheyenne, take that off. That ring symbolizes a lifetime of unhappiness.

Oh, hi.

Come on, Mom. I bet you get more than enough money to get rid of that smell.

Let's not forget I have a birthday coming up.

Hmm. Well, if I don't get rid of that smell, this may be the year you get a car.

Look, what you're saying makes sense,

but it just doesn't feel right to sell my engagement ring.

It was such a beautiful ring. My finger feels kind of empty now.

Really? 'Cause I could buy you a ring.

You can't even buy her a taco.

I can too buy her a ring. I have a job now. I'm clearing three figures a month.

That's okay, sweetie. You'll buy me a ring someday.

Too bad by then humans will have evolved into having no fingers.

Shut up, Kyra. I will not have evolved.

Hey, Kyra, I need your help.

You're a girl. You-You know stuff about, you know, girl stuff.

Are you getting your period?

I need you to come with me and help me buy Cheyenne a ring.

- Okay. - Wait. You'll go? Why?

I love to see the expressions on strangers' faces when you speak.

[alarm beeps]

What the hell was that?

The poverty detector.

It goes off if you make less than everyone in the store.

Oh, man, this place is way out of my league.

I still think we should go to Crazy Steve's Rings and Mattresses.

- May I help you? - We're here to get an engagement ring.

- 'Cause we're in love. - Kyra!

It's not for her. It's for my wife. She's 18.

You're getting your wife an engagement ring? Won't she be surprised.

Let me show you what we have.

Any idea which cut the young lady would prefer?

Pear? Square? Emerald?

Well, you know women. The one that doesn't make her look fat, right?

Upper deck, ring dude.

Could we see something simple, like him?

This piece has marvelous clarity.

- Ooh. That's pretty. - Mmm.

- It's $4,500. - American?

That may be a little out of his range.

I'm sorry. What price range were you thinking?

Do you have one of those machines you put a quarter in?

Oh, I see which direction we're heading.

This...

is called the "promise" ring.

Dude, I already made the promise. I need a diamond.

If both size and price are an issue,

- perhaps... - [objects clinking]

...a cubic zirconium would be nice.

Yeah, baby, that is what I am talking about.

My man, you could've been a little quicker with these "Cuban plutoniums."

- Van, it's fake. - Yeah, but it's big and fake.

I want Cheyenne to love it.

Look, if it were me, I'd rather have something real.

- Really? - Really.

Of course, I'd also rather have a husband...

who didn't tie his shoes chasing the bunny through the hole.

[laughing]

[laughing harder]

What do you mean I'm not covered?

I specifically asked about this when I bought the policy.

Yeah, liability and mice.

Both. I asked for both.

Yeah? Well, you know what? You're not a good neighbor.

I am stunned that didn't work.

- Hey, hey, hey. We're back. - Oh, how was the museum?

You're not supposed to touch the pictures.

Oh, it's not your fault, buddy. You didn't know.

They should have a big sign that says, "Alarm will sound."

[loudly] You know, I still have a ringin' in my ears.

Hey, Reba,

there any reason why there are, like, 20 or 30 cats hanging around your car?

I've been delivering fish for extra money. What's it to ya?

Whoa. What's with you?

Don't mind her, Dad. Something crawled up her tailpipe and died.

That's your mother you're talking to, young lady.

[grunts] Oh, there it is.

- So, what are we talking about? - A mouse died in our car's engine.

Ooh, a dead mouse. Oh, that must smell terrible.

Hey, Brock, we should lend them our car while we're in Italy.

- Italy? - Yes. But don't ask me which city.

We're just gonna "Rome."

Barbra Jean, I specifically asked you not to say that anymore.

You're taking her to Italy? My Italy?

The one place I always wanted to go,

but you said we couldn't afford it?

I got a great deal. I used this Internet site called Bare-bottom Tickets.

Actually, I kind of found them by accident.

- Brock loves his Internet. - Yeah.

Well, honey, though if it's gonna be a problem,

maybe we should go someplace else.

Is there anyplace you're less bitter about?

We are not changing our plans.

I mean, it's not like when we got divorced Italy became off-limits, right?

No. You're right. Go.

You and I are divorced.

Italy shouldn't matter anymore. Go on. Have a good time.

Oh, we will. And you have fun in our car.

But don't let any animals die in there. Ciao.

Kyra, go get my jewelry box.

So, you're selling the engagement ring?

Oh, yeah. And their car.

- [knocking] - Hey, Reba.

Ciao.

Come on. You're not still upset about that Italy deal are you?

Ciao!

Mom, your engagement ring is up to a thousand dollars on eBay. Oh, hi, Dad.

No way. You didn't sell our engagement ring?

Not yet. They're still bidding on it.

I can't believe you'd even think of doing that.

You know what I went through to get you that ring?

Oh, I know what you went through, Brock.

You went through your brother, who went through a guy named Paco,

who went through Customs with my engagement ring in his underpants.

I can't believe you're being so petty. It's our engagement ring.

I thought it'd always stay in our family.

That's funny. I always thought you would stay in our family.

Oh, it always comes back around to that, doesn't it?

- The divorce is my fault. - Yep.

I've ruined everything, made you miserable,

so now I deserve to be punished.

Well, not this time. I forbid you to sell that ring.

Forbid me?

Well, I forbid you to forbid me.

It's my engagement ring and I'm gonna sell it.

Then I'm gonna buy it.

Long as you're the high bidder.

[chuckles] Baby, I will be.

Kyra! Kyra!

Jump on the computer and put in a fake bid of... $3,000.

[chortles]

Hey.

- What's this for? - For my lovely bride.

[giggles] Oh, no. What did you do? If Elizabeth has a mohawk, Van--

She's fine.

This is not an apology. It's a proposal.

- And this time I have a ring. - [gasps]

And you're not pregnant.

- You got me a ring? - Mm-hmm.

- Oh, no. Van, the diamond fell off. - What?

No, no. It's there.

Oh. Oh, there it is.

Aw, dang. It's too small.

I knew I should've got one of those big Cuban ones.

No, no, no. No. Van.

I must've had something in my eye.

- Wow, I love it. - You're just saying that.

No. Van, I love my diamond.

"My diamond." [giggles]

- Van, it's gorgeous. - What's gorgeous?

Van bought me a diamond ring.

What?

Here I am scraping and scrounging to get enough money to fix that stupid car,

and you have the nerve to go out and buy a diamond ring?

Yes, and look at it.

Never mind.

[knocking]

Hey, Reba. I had a great idea while I was planning our Italy trip.

You should tell me all the places you wanted to go,

and then I could take some pictures for you.

I can tell you where I want you to go.

Arrivederci.

Or for you, it would be "A-Reba-derci."

- Get it? Reba-- - Barbra Jean,

I've heard that joke all my life.

I don't think it's funny.

Barbra Jean, come here. I want you to see the ring that Van got me.

[squeals]

[squealing louder]

Oh, my gosh, it's bellissimo.

That means "small," doesn't it?

I just memorize a lot of words. I don't know the meanings.

You do the same with English.

Come on, Van. I wanna go down to campus. I wanna show all my friends.

No, no. I don't think we should show anyone.

An engagement ring should be private.

Don't be silly. I want everybody to know what you did.

Can we not call it what I did?

Well, since it seems we're all showing off rings,

take a gander at what Brock gave me.

[spoon clatters]

Apparently, it's an antique. I think some old lady died or something.

Barbra Jean, that's my engagement ring.

Hey.

If I knew he was gonna give it to you, I'd have never sold it to him.

- Give it to me. - Reba, my finger won't come off.

You'd be surprised.

- I can't believe he did that. - Me either.

That smoky smell is me, sister, because I am burned up.

- I'm gonna kill him. - Right. We are in this together.

- No, we're not. - Oh, really?

'Cause for a second there it kind of seemed like we were.

- Brock. - Reba. Hey, look at you. Over here.

All of a sudden. And looking kind of angry.

- I can explain. - Really? Can you, Brock?

Well, not to both of you at the same time.

You gave Barbra Jean my engagement ring.

First, you give me Reba's trip to Italy, and now, her ring?

Next you'll be telling me her nickname was "sassy shorts."

Excuse me. [shudders]

Reba, I did not give the ring to Barbra Jean.

No. She found it in my pocket and thought it was a gift.

I couldn't very well tell her the truth.

Yeah, that was never one of your strong suits.

And what was the truth, Brock?

You bought your ex-wife's ring for a little keepsake?

Honey, I had to buy it.

Otherwise it would've gone to "grannyboots72" from Syracuse.

Well, I don't want it now. I want my own ring.

Oh, Barbra Jean.

Oh, I'm gettin' the Tiffany's catalog.

And I'm gettin' a toe ring too.

Serves you right, Brock. What were you thinkin'?

Hey, I thought you said you didn't care about this ring?

I don't.

Well, if you don't care, why are you so mad?

I don't want Barbra Jean to have my ring.

Oho, so you do care.

That's not caring. That's hatred. They just sound the same.

Well, you could've fooled me.

You know, I still care about this ring Reba,

and it hurt my feelings when you said you don't.

Well, maybe I still care about it too, but I don't want to.

Just like I don't wanna care that you're taking her on my trip to Italy.

So, why do I?

Well, maybe because there's part of the past that's still good.

You know, just because our marriage ended badly,

doesn't mean you have to write off the whole dang relationship.

We had plenty of good times. Like when I gave you this ring.

I said I'd never take it off my finger. And you didn't.

Until that first fight when we were driving through Iowa,

- and you threw it out the window. - [laughs]

We spent six hours in that cornfield.

- Serves you right, taking me to Iowa. - [laughs]

Yeah, we did have some good memories.

I guess it's okay if I keep this.

Reba. [chuckles] You know, I did pay for the ring.

Twice now.

Yeah, I know.

Enjoy Italy.

You know what? I changed my mind.

I thought it'd be better if I took Barbra Jean to Paris.

My Paris?

[chuckles] I'm just saying,

you didn't have to show the ring to your geology professor.

- The guy's a rock expert, Cheyenne. - Yes, Van,

and he thought that the diamond was very impressive.

Because he's never seen one that small before.

Everyone was making fun of it, Cheyenne.

Van, you're getting upset over nothing.

I'm getting upset 'cause you won't stop punishing me.

How am I punishing you?

- You keep showing it to everyone. - Oh!

Boy, it's pathetic seeing two grown adults fightin' over a ring.

I should've never gotten it. It's embarrassing.

Why don't you just wear my paycheck on your finger,

and everybody can laugh at that?

- [sighs] - Look, I got an offer for you two.

- I got my engagement ring back. - I told you, Mrs. H. I don't want it.

You don't have to take the ring, just take the diamond.

Wait a minute. That would probably break the curse.

All right, pop that sucker off. I'm gonna go get the glue gun.

No, no, no, no. Mom, thank you. That's very sweet.

But I love this ring exactly the way that it is.

Why? Why would you love it?

Because you gave it to me,

and that makes it the most valuable ring that I'll ever own.

Wow. How cool is that?

Well, you did buy Cheyenne a nice ring.

Oh, I didn't just buy her a nice ring.

I bought her a love of inexpensive jewelry.

Acme! [coughing]