Original subtitles

- There you go. - Thanks.

Mom, Joey gave me a turtle yesterday. Can I keep him?

Oh, gee, Jake, I don't know. Turtles are kind of, uh...

- Violent? - That's right, violent.

Turtles are very violent.

But Speedy is easy to take care of.

You won't even know he's here.

That's what Cheyenne said when she brought Van home.

Please, Mom?

Oh, all right. But you got to keep him in your room,

and I better not smell anything.

Hey, that's what I said when Cheyenne brought Van home.

Haven't you heard of a thing called privacy?

Other people need the bathroom, Cheyenne. What is the big deal?

You walked in on me, Van.

So? I've watched you give birth to our daughter.

You can't do anything grosser than that.

Hey, hey! No graphic talk in the kitchen. Some of us are trying to eat.

Sorry. I will be in the unmentionable place doing the unspeakable.

I need to get back there in exactly three minutes, Van!

Cheyenne, are you okay?

Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be okay? I mean, don't I look okay?

Somebody's in a mood.

Shut up. I'm not in a mood. One minute, Van!

- Cheyenne, what's going on? - Nothing. I just don't feel well.

What kind of not well?

The kind of not well where I-I might be pregnant, okay?

What? You're pregnant?

And I thought Jake was pushing it by bringing home a turtle.

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Are they back from the doctor?

Any minute.

How could this happen again, Reba Wasn't somebody watching them?

Gee, I don't know, Brock. We took turns standing guard.

They must've done it on a shift change.

Let's not panic. We're not even sure she's pregnant.

The home test wasn't clear.

Besides, what's the worst case scenario?

There's another miracle on the way.

I hope Barbra Jean's church knows not to make her a youth counselor.

Well, you know, I know Van and Cheyenne's situation isn't ideal.

But who doesn't love babies?

I want to have three, just like you did, Reba.

And I hope all of 'em are 15-pounders.

- I'm not pregnant. - Oh, yes! She said not!

Is there any word that "not" sounds better in front of than "pregnant"?

Well, I'm glad everything worked out.

Although I must say, I was starting to look forward...

to another baby in our midst.

She doesn't mean in "our" midst.

She's talking about, you know, the greater Houston area.

So, you're okay? Everything turned out fine?

- Absolutely, Mom. - Yeah, just a little scare.

Well, that's a relief. 'Cause I want you feeling your best when I do this.

Ow!

- Mom, calm down! - A little scare?

How could this happen? You swore to me you were using protection.

- We are! - We are?

Yes, Van, I'm on the pill.

- Oh. That's good. - Uh!

So, what? Did you forget to take it? I mean, why else would you be worried?

Because! Look, I am positive that I always took it.

But, eh, maybe one time I forgot. I--

No, no, no. See, you don't forget

when there's an eight-month-old baby in the crib next to you to remind you.

Uh, Mrs. H, that's a little bit too much responsibility for a baby.

[mouthing]

Mom, I am not pregnant, so obviously I did remember.

Well, here's another way to help you remember. Remember!

You know I resent that. We are not children.

Yeah. You don't get to be parents by being irresponsible.

Look, I've been supportive.

But I will not let you throw your lives

and the rest of this family into chaos again.

I will not let you make the same mistake twice.

Wait a minute. Mistake?

Wait. Hold on. You can't make that decision for us.

I mean, we-we could have a baby if we want. We don't need your permission.

As long as you're under my roof,

you can't have a stick of gum without my permission.

You two will not have another baby in my house.

- [sighs angrily] - I can't believe she yelled at us.

We didn't even do anything wrong that time.

Your mom cannot tell us what to do.

We can have gum or babies whenever we want.

So, my birthday's coming up. Hope you haven't got my gift yet.

Of course I have. But if there's something else you want,

well, then, I'd just be a gift ahead. [chuckles]

Well, I'll tell you what I don't want. A clock.

'Cause I already got one,

and it's going tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, ding! Baby time!

How about a new car? Would you like a new car?

I'd like a baby.

You mean something like a baby, like golf shoes.

Honey, Henry's almost a year old. What are we waiting for?

Baby, we've got plenty of time.

You know, I was just reading about a Chinese woman who gave birth at 50.

Say, let's go out for Chinese tonight.

You said you wanted a big family.

Yeah. And I've got one. I've already got four kids.

I think I've hit my quota. If I have any more,

the state should make me throw some back.

Yeah, but-- But I only got one.

I'm a gal with over 400 Beanie Babies and only one real baby.

It's just... I'm tired.

Well, take a nap!

Well, that's not gonna help.

You know, the truth is, Barbra Jean, I don't want to have any more kids.

- Never? - I'm sorry.

- Then, I'm getting out of here. - Barbra Jean.

Don't Barbra Jean me!

I can't spend another second with a man who hates children!

Watch Henry.

[knocking]

Oh, Reba, Brock and I had a terrible fight. I need your help.

Is he in the trunk and you need a shovel?

- No. - Then I pass.

Reba, this is serious. My marriage is at stake.

Brock doesn't want any more children.

Barbra Jean, I'm not the person to talk to about you and Brock reproducing.

I wasn't for it the first time.

But I need help.

Well, I'm not gonna tell you what to do.

Unless it's about Cheyenne having a baby. Then she'll tell you what to do.

Van, knock it off.

You better listen to her. We don't have any free will anymore.

We have to do exactly what she says, when she says it.

Right now I would welcome Reba's brand of overly controlling guidance.

Barbra Jean, why don't you take a walk or something?

Good idea. I need to clear my head and just--

Send us a postcard.

What are you doing?

Van and I are spending the weekend at Kristin's dorm room.

We needed a little space to think

about whether we can live here under these conditions.

- Can't you think in your room? - Oh, it's not our room. It's your room.

Your walls, your carpet, your broken window.

- You broke your window? - Oh, not our window.

Oh, this is ridiculous. You're running away from home

just like you did when you were five years old.

Well, I'm not five anymore, Mom. And neither is Van.

Yeah, and neither is Elizabeth.

And we can't live here with somebody who calls our daughter a mistake.

- I didn't say that. - Yes, you did.

We have it on tape.

Well, not on tape, but we remember it vividly.

Well, that's not what I meant. I love Elizabeth.

What I meant was she wasn't planned.

You guys didn't talk about what you wanted out of your lives...

and how you were gonna get those things.

You just let life happen to you. You never think about the consequences!

And until you do, I'm gonna be the one that makes all the choices for you.

And that's your final word?

That's my final word.

As long as you're living in this house, I make the decisions.

Well, if that was your final word, why did you add to it?

[whimpering]

Barbra Jean, have you just been standing out here?

Uh-huh.

Well, okay then.

Oh, Reba, always trying to cheer me up with your odd little jokes.

Barbra Jean, why are you here?

Well, I went to the park,

but there were babies everywhere, and dogs.

Dogs...

with puppies.

Barbra Jean, I'd love to sit and chitchat with you, but I'm really busy.

Well, I'm not leaving until you give me some advice.

Okay. Hurry up.

Well, I need to find a way to make Brock listen to me.

Well, you never have any problem making me listen to you.

Just talk, talk, talk and never go away.

[knocking]

Oh, there you are. How'd I know I'd find you over here?

Maybe because the make-your-own-teddy-bear store was closed?

- Come on home, honey. - Why shouldn't we have more children?

And don't make excuses. A lot of men have big families, Brock.

Even men in their late 30s.

Late 30s?

I really, really don't wanna talk about this over here.

- Well, I do. - Do I get a vote?

- Barbra Jean-- - No, Brock. I'm not leaving.

Then I will.

Not until you give me one good reason why we can't have another baby.

Fine.

I had a vasectomy.

On the other hand, it is my house.

You what?

After you got pregnant, I panicked.

I'm sorry. I know I should've told you earlier.

Yeah. Yeah, you should've, and before you got snipped.

Because it would have saved you a lot of pain.

Well, it didn't really hurt all that much.

Oh, it will when you get it reversed.

- I-- I can't. - Why not?

Well, 'cause the kind I got was a perma-ectomy.

Brock, you got a choice.

We can do it at the doctor's office with anesthesia...

or late at night while you're asleep.

- [chuckles] - [door closes]

Well, I don't care what she says. I'm not putting myself through that again.

And I am 90% sure she's not gonna do anything to me in the middle of the night.

If I don't go to sleep.

So this panic attack, when was it again?

Oh, I don't know. About two years ago, I guess.

So two years ago while we were going through couples' therapy,

trying to save our marriage,

my husband has a secret vasectomy?

Oh. You're mad too, huh?

- How could you do that, Brock? - Well, we were separated.

We were supposed to be working it out!

As soon as Barbra Jean told me she was pregnant,

I knew that working it out wasn't gonna be an option.

I didn't know that.

For all I knew, we were trying to save our marriage and then have more kids.

What? We didn't want any more kids.

Back then I didn't want to have any more kids.

But now that I know it wasn't even an option, I bet I wanted more kids!

You are just being ridiculous.

I had an affair with Barbra Jean while we were still married.

- That's what you should be angry about. - Oh, I am.

But that's old anger. This is new anger.

Oh! That just doesn't make any sense.

It's not about making sense, Brock.

It's about somebody thinking it's okay to make another person's decision for 'em.

Especially something as important...

as having another child.

Oh, dad blame you, Brock!

What'd I do now?

Well, you just made me realize

that I did the same thing to Van and Cheyenne that you did to me.

- Oh. - [sighs]

So, you're really not any better than me, are you?

Oh, I'm way better than you are.

I did mine out of love. You did yours because you're a butt!

[loud heavy metal music playing]

This place is great! My ears are ringing from walking down the hallway.

Yeah, but it's a little loud for a baby, don't you think?

Yeah, but I love this song.

Yeah, but a little loud for a baby. Okay.

Hey! Turn it down!

- [volume decreases] - [Cheyenne sighs]

You know what's weird, Van? If we didn't have Elizabeth, we'd be living here.

Jell-O shots in K-Dog's room!

[slurping] Oh!

And we'd be doing Jell-O shots in K-Dog's room.

And I? I'd be V-Dog.

Come on, Van. You don't want to be V-Dog, do you?

Van, you don't want to be boozing it up and sleeping late

and making out with all the loose girls in the hallway, right?

[chuckles softly]

No.

Wait a minute. You think Elizabeth is a mistake too.

No. No, of course I don't. I love Elizabeth.

It's just-- And don't get mad.

I'm just realizing all the things we gave up.

Van.

- What's the matter with you? - Hey, I miss all that stuff, too, okay?

I mean, I'm on that campus every day

and I see all these carefree people without, you know, a care.

Yeah, and imagine how hard it would be if we had another baby?

I mean, that would've really screwed up our plans.

We don't have any plans, Van.

I thought you might have some you didn't tell me about.

I mean, do we even want any more kids in-in the future?

- Do you? - I don't know.

I mean, I guess we-- I always thought I'd have two or three, but close together.

I also thought I'd be living in a mansion with a nanny.

Well, we kind of do.

I think this was what Mom was talking about.

You know, we need to sit down...

and have a long, serious talk about... everything.

K-Dog just nailed Fletch with a water balloon.

Dude, it was so...

Dude!

Oh! I love water balloons.

Ten minutes and we're going home, V-Dog.

Oh, I love you so much, C-Dog.

- Don't call me that. - [chuckles] Whoo-hoo! Party!

Hey, you guys want to see some baby pictures?

Oh, hey, Mrs. H. [chuckles]

We're back.

That's great news. Welcome home.

- We missed you. - I missed you too.

And, Mom, we thought a lot about what you said, and we realized you were right.

Hang on, sweetheart. Let me go first.

I thought a lot about what I said too,

and, well,

I was right.

I was right about the planning your life part. But I had no right to tell you

it wasn't your choice whether or not to have another baby.

[Cheyenne chuckles]

But that doesn't mean I don't have an opinion.

Which is why you will find a 30-page essay on your bed called

"Teenagers Having Babies is Stupid, Stupid, Stupid."

Well, how about I write a 30-page essay called...

[scoffs] I'm not gonna write a 30-page essay.

[Van giggles]

Honey, I love Elizabeth very, very much. You know that.

And she is not a mistake.

She's a-- An unplanned blessing.

Yeah, she is.

But maybe when you decide to have another baby,

maybe that one could be a planned blessing.

I think it'd make your lives a lot easier.

You see, it's a lot like Jake and this turtle.

See, Jake wanted a turtle, but he wasn't ready to take care of it.

So I, being the responsible one, wound up having to--

Oh. Is it--

Speedy? Ha-ha! Boy, this day just keeps on getting better.

You know, Mom, it's really sad when you come in the front door,

and Speedy doesn't run to meet you.

It's not funny, Kyra.

Well, now it's not.

Have you seen Speedy?

Jake, honey, I need to talk to you about Speedy.

Honey, I'm afraid his stay is over. Speedy passed away.

Oh. Is it because I didn't take care of him like you said?

Yes.

Yes, it is.

Okay, that's not true.

Honey, Speedy died because he got sick.

But caring for a living thing is a lot of work.

And until you can do the job all by yourself without my help,

you're really not ready, are you?

I guess.

Hey, can I get another turtle if I keep it at Dad's?

[sighs]

Yes.

Yes, you can.

Acme! [coughing]