Original subtitles

Come on, sweet baby. Crawl to Aunt Kyra.

Crawl to Aunt Kyra. I know you can do it. Yes, you can.

- Wudgie, wudgie, wudgie. - [Reba] Oh, so you do have a heart.

Hope it'll stick to the tape.

Oh, my gosh, Mom. She did it. She crawled.

[chuckling] You big girl. Yes, you did.

You crawled. Come on. Do it again.

Come on. Kyra, do your baby talk.

[scoffs] I don't know what she's talking about. Granny's had some cider.

Knock it off.

I wanna try to capture all the important moments in Elizabeth's life.

- Yeah! - Oh, sure. Just like you did with Jake.

The only video we have of him is you going to the hospital to deliver him.

That's only because Dad had a new car.

Yeah, maybe you're right. But we're gonna do this for Elizabeth.

I wanna do a video for her so later on she knows how much she meant to us.

You mean when she runs away, she'll know why?

And there goes Aunt Kyra, off to practice her cheerleading.

Come on, Elizabeth. You run away from Grandma like Aunt Kyra did.

- Come on. Wudgie, wudgie, woo. - [coos]

There she goes. Oh, yeah. Look at her go!

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ My roots are planted in the past ♪

♪ Though my life is changing fast ♪

♪ Who I am is who I want to be ♪

♪ A single mom who works too hard ♪

♪ Who loves her kids and never stops ♪

♪ With gentle hands ♪

♪ And the heart of a fighter ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

I gotta tell you, Mom.

I think making this video for Elizabeth is an awesome idea.

What if I say somethin' stupid on the tape?

If?

Oh, this is just so excitin', being on the set.

That's movie talk.

And, Reba, since you're the director, you need to call, "Action."

And then, when we're all done, that's called a wrap.

Barbra Jean, take five.

Does everybody know what they're gonna say to Elizabeth?

I'm mad at Elizabeth. She put my Game Boy in the toilet.

Okay.

I'm gonna tell Elizabeth that she's a pearl on the necklace of life.

- Aw. - Oh.

That's really nice, Van. [snickers]

Okay. Everybody just act natural and be yourselves.

That's impossible.

Have you ever heard about the Heisenberg uncertainty principle?

The observer changes the nature of the observed.

No, but I have heard the one about the man from Nantucket. [laughing]

Up high.

Okay, Kyra. You go first.

- You really want me to act natural? - Yeah.

Okay, I'm going to the mall.

- [Reba] Okay, Van. You're up. - Why do I have to go first?

- Cheyenne, why don't you go first? - No way.

Nobody ever pays attention to the one who goes first. Mom, you go.

- No, I'm going last. - Why do you get to go last?

'Cause I didn't get pregnant when I was 17, that's why.

[indistinct conversation]

Reba, you can't expect people to perform in front of everybody.

You gotta do it in private.

That way people can organize and theorize...

without the pressure of all your eyes.

She's been listening to a lot of rap music lately.

- You know, you got a good point there. - I do?

This might be easier if we did this without everybody watching.

Yeah, we could-- We could set the camera up in our room.

- Okay, let's go. - Yeah.

Ooh, we're going on location.

Okay. Just about set.

- Hey, how's my hair? - Fine. How's mine?

Fine. No, wait.

[mouthing]

Okay. When it's your turn, sit right there where Jake is.

And when you're ready, turn on the camera with this remote.

Now, Brock got the short straw, so he goes first.

Hey, bud, you sure you don't wanna go first with that pearl line?

You know, it's always good to open with a joke.

Just go first, short straw.

So, Kyra's really not gonna do this, huh?

You know Kyra. She's at that age where she don't want to be a part of the family.

You hit that age about 40, right, Brock?

[door closes]

Okay, now. [clears throat]

- [beeps] - So...

Hi there, Elizabeth.

Well, you're my first grandchild, and that means the world to me.

See, my boy Henry, your uncle...

[chuckles] ...was born the same year.

It was a pretty wild year.

Well, by the time you see this,

you'll probably have heard some pretty sordid stories about Barbra Jean.

I just wanna take this opportunity to set the record straight.

Okay. What really happened was--

- Elizabeth is gonna love this. - Talking on that tape was so hard.

I almost cried, like, twice.

- Is that what that noise was? - What?

You were listening at the door?

Well, I tried. I couldn't hear you or your dad.

[Cheyenne gasps]

And usually your voice cuts through anything.

Hey, that was supposed to be private.

What's the big deal, Brock? What horrible, evil things did you say?

Yeah, Mr. H. What are you so worried about?

[chuckling] Nothing. I just-- I-- I got--

I got all mushy, and it's embarrassing.

Nobody likes a sensitive dentist.

He said something stupid. Let's watch it.

- No! No! - [Reba] No.

- Nobody's gonna watch anything. - Because you got somethin' to hide?

- What? - You said something bad about me.

That's what I forgot.

No, no, everybody--

Okay. Let's just calm down.

Reba, when are you taking the tape to the safe deposit box?

- Monday morning. - Fine.

I'll drop it off on my way to work.

- Now-- - Hey, hey, hey!

What do you think you're doing?

All right. There are two of us, but there are three of you,

which means, statistically, there's a greater chance of betrayal...

if the tape stays here than if it goes with us.

- Math don't lie. - Right.

- Yeah, but Brock does. - Hey-- You--

I'm gonna keep it safe and sound,

locked right here in this cabinet.

[lock clicks]

Mm-hmm? Mm-hmm? Hmm?

[key clatters]

Okay, fine.

But come Monday morning, I am going to the bank with you.

And you can take that to the bank.

- Get it, Brock? To the bank. - Yeah, yeah. Let's just go, okay?

What'd you say on the tape?

For the millionth time, Van,

I cannot tell you.

What'd you say on the tape?

[knocking]

- Hey, have you guys eaten yet? - [together] No.

Great. We've got somethin' to show you.

Ta-da!

You came all the way over here to show us a cooking gadget?

Not just any cooking gadget.

The George Foreman lean, mean, a-grillin' machine.

- Well, how does it work? - I'm glad you asked, Van.

You can cook chicken and beef,

but the fat runs into the pan instead of your food.

It's a party for your taste buds without the hangover for your waistline.

It practically has a mind of its own.

Every meal it yells, "Reba's comin'! Reba's comin'!"

Brock, what the heck do you think you're doin'?

Nothin'.

He was tryin' to switch the tapes. You-- You tape switcher!

- Is that true, Dad? - I was just nervous about what I said.

You two should be ashamed of yourselves. [gasps]

The tape has been moved.

And the lock has been picked!

I didn't touch it. I-- I was going to, but I didn't. Honest.

Well, somebody moved the tape. So, who was it?

Come on. Whoever did it, just admit it.

Ahh--

Mm-hmm.

It was Cheyenne.

She's got ice in her veins.

It was not me. No, Van, it was probably you.

Yeah, you were asking me what I said on the tape just to throw me off.

And then you accuse me to throw me off even more.

I am not that clever. Ha!

Well, I know who it was.

- It was Mom. - [all gasping]

Mm-hmm.

I'm the one who told everybody the tape had been moved.

If I watched it, why would I tell on myself?

[Brock] Right. She's got a point, I think, yeah.

One person watched everything on this tape.

If somebody doesn't speak up,

we're all gonna sit right down and watch it together.

It's the only fair thing to do.

[pants]

Come on, somebody. Confess!

- Okay then. - No! [yelling]

Reba,

I think you're making a huge mistake.

[chuckles]

Said the man who married Barbra Jean.

[Brock on TV] It's kind of a funny story actually.

You see, your Grandma Reba and I

sat down and decided together

that we didn't want to be married anymore.

And then, a long,

long time after that,

at least a year, maybe even more,

Barbra Jean came to work for me at my office.

And although the attraction was strong,

we waited until long after the divorce was final

before... we went out for coffee.

And that's what really happened.

[Brock continues indistinctly] Very nice, Brock.

I was telling her the story, and it sounded bad.

So I decided to fib a little, and that made it even worse.

And that's why I wanted to change the tape.

Are you ashamed of me, Brock?

No. Of course not, honey. I love you.

Not on my couch.

And so in one crazy year,

I was blessed with two babies.

All I can hope for you...

is that you realize you have the best women in the whole world as examples.

There's nobody better than your Grandma Reba and your mom.

They love you more than you know, and so do I.

Be good.

I guess I'm not one of the best women in the world.

Oh-- I was speaking in the context of Elizabeth's life.

Sure you were. I'm glad I know where I stand with you.

Down in the gutter with the common folk.

Hey, common folk, zip it. Zip it.

Hi there, sweetie.

This is so nerve-racking talking to you like this.

There's so much that I want to say.

I mean, wow. Where do I start?

So much to say.

Like, a lot.

Apparently not.

Shut up, Van.

Uh, you being here has made me grow up so much.

I was in high school, worried about stuff like the drill team, and...

then you came along and showed me what life is all about.

Oh, you have a great family and a great dad.

He is so wonderful.

And I'm sure by the time you see this, he's gonna be a great man.

[Van sighs]

I'll be a great man?

- What's wrong with that? - What, I'm not now?

Van, don't overreact. Cheyenne loves you.

Yeah, apparently she has high hopes for her big loser.

And I hope that you love me as much as I love my mom.

Oh, and I apologize in advance

if I'm always in your face, and I'm a little controlling.

It's how I was raised.

"It's how I was raised"?

What does that mean? I'm controlling?

- Oh, yeah. - Oh...

it has been mentioned.

Well, I bet Van disagrees.

Don't overreact, Mrs. H. Cheyenne loves you.

If that's the way you feel about it, fine.

What's up?

[sighs] Yo.

Hey, I'm-- I'm talking to you from our room.

Controlling? I think that's a bunch of bull hockey. That's what I think it is.

We all sleep in here together.

Every night when I lay down, I hear you breathing.

And it makes me know that everything is right in the world.

Well, not everything. Like that pump at the gas station,

I mean, I put a quarter in, and it didn't give me any air.

Hello? It should be free. It's air.

Okay, wait. Wait. Focus here. Focus.

[sighs]

I'm really glad you came along.

Because if you hadn't, I'm sure I wouldn't have been married to your mom.

You're the reason we're a family.

Thank you.

I love you.

Stop the tape, Mom.

- What the hell was that? - What?

If it weren't for the baby, you wouldn't have married me?

I'm just saying, I was really young, and unless you were pregnant,

I would have been single for a while.

Keep talking, cowboy. You just might get your wish.

Okay. Okay. All right. Easy does it here.

Okay. All right, this is getting way too much out of hand.

I think it'd be a good idea if we don't watch any more of the tape.

Oh, yeah, right. Before we see yours? I don't think so.

- [overlapping chatter] - Let's go. Roll it. Come on.

I have one thing to say to you.

The Game Boy is not waterproof.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Gosh. Last time I was videotaped in a bedroom, I didn't know about it.

Elizabeth, you're a very lucky little girl.

And the only way I can express my feelings is through song.

It's a little ditty called "Wind Beneath My Wings."

[blows note]

[sings note]

[tape fast forwarding]

Hey there, my sweet little Elizabeth.

This is your grandma.

I want to tell you that no matter what...

you can always come to me with any problem.

If there's ever anything that you feel like you can't tell your mama,

I'll help you.

And I'll not judge you. I'll never betray your trust.

I'm your safe place.

Safe from harm or judgment or retribution.

As long as I'm on this earth, you'll have me.

You are a pearl...

in the necklace of life.

That was mine!

Well, it sounded better coming from me than it would from you!

You take from Van?

He's the guy with the least to spare!

Plus, how could you encourage my daughter to lie to me?

I am her mother, not you.

- I didn't tell her to lie. - [scoffs] You kinda did, Reba.

Oh, yeah. And sometimes some of the best women in the world are liars!

Oh.

I wouldn't talk, Mr. H. What you did was kind of low.

Oh, really? Lower than telling your daughter...

you wouldn't have married her mom?

Well, maybe someday, way off in the future, I'll be a better person.

'Cause right now I'm scum!

Oh, you are such a child.

- Oh, you are. - No, you are. No backsies!

Okay, I want to rerecord mine so I can use my material.

Oh, no, no. Nobody's gonna rerecord anything.

Maybe that's why they call you controlling.

- Oh. Well, it would have been nice... - [chuckles]

if you'd have been more controlling over what's in your pants!

[bickering]

Hey there, Elizabeth.

Shh. Kyra. Kyra took the tape.

Sit down. Sit down.

No matter what anyone has said before me,

I'm the only one you should trust.

See, this family has its issues.

But I know that no matter what, when I get up in the morning,

they'll always be here arguing and battling,

and then laughing about it later.

You coming along has made this place even crazier,

but it taught me that life is messy, unpredictable, tough...

and sometimes really great.

Really great.

Oh, you probably already know this by now, but watch out for my mom.

She'll try to make you do stuff and be all controlling,

but it's because she wants you to have a good life.

And she likes to hug a lot, and it's gross.

I love you, kid.

Hey, I just called someone "kid."

Wudgie, wudgie, wudgie.

[sighs]

Okay. Nobody tell her we saw this tape.

[door closes]

What?

[clamoring]

Cut it out!

Acme! [coughing]