Original subtitles

- We got a tree, Cheyenne! We got a tree! - Oh!

Okay, Van, bring it on in.

Um, it's too big, Mrs. H. I'm just gonna get a smaller one.

Van. [sighing in exasperation]

Oh, hey!

I gotta remember that when my aunt comes.

She is a big gal.

- Uh-huh. - Oh, thank you very much, Van.

Thanks doesn't pay the bills, Mrs. H.

Neither do you.

I love the smell of Christmas, and this is gonna be a great one.

Oh, how can it not be, with such a gorgeous tree?

Hey, Jake, you excited? Santa's coming.

I'm gettin' a bike!

Now, Jake, you know that's up to Santa...

and whether he thinks you've been naughty or nice.

You're very pretty.

Save it for Santa Claus.

Oh, this is so special. It's our first Christmas with Elizabeth.

Oh, I remember our first Christmas with you, Cheyenne.

You're the reason we started all our Christmas traditions.

Ooh, another "Cheyenne is great" story.

My favorite is how she makes the sun come up in the morning.

Kyra's right, Mom. You should tell a nice story about her.

Oh, right. [laughs]

One of the hardest things I ever did was to tell my mama

we weren't going to her house for Christmas.

But waking up and sharing the moment together,

it really felt right.

You were the start of our little family.

Cheyenne is great, everybody! What an unexpected twist.

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ Who I am is who I wanna be ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

Oh, don't, don't look. Don't look.

- What? What is it? Is it for me? - No.

Well, then why would I care?

Well, I wanted it to be a surprise, but look,

for Elizabeth's first Christmas.

Oh, Mom, this is so awesome.

Look, Van, a teeny bootie ornament.

I don't wanna ruin it for anyone, but, uh, Elizabeth has two feet.

I am so looking forward to this Christmas Eve.

There is just something so special about having a baby in the house.

- [chuckles] - [chuckles]

Or it's special just having baby's things in the house.

What are you talking about?

Um, we wanna go away for Christmas Eve.

Which Christmas Eve?

'Cause it's sure not gonna be this one.

But, Mom, all that stuff you said

about what that first Christmas meant to you was so moving.

We want that feeling too.

Yeah, Mrs. H, you inspired us.

And that's not easy.

- I mean, we're very unmotivated. - [Cheyenne] Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well--

Oh, you know what?

We did go to my parents' house. I forgot.

Look, Mom, Van's cousin offered us his cabin in Lake Conroe.

It's in the middle of the woods, and there's deer and a big fireplace.

Yeah, that's real Christmasy.

- Mom, please? - Please?

But what about all our traditions?

I mean, if you go, who's gonna help me decorate the tree

and bake cookies and sing Christmas carols?

Well, you'll still have Kyra and Jake.

Yeah, Kyra and Jake.

Honey, I love your brother, but have you ever heard him sing?

Okay, Mom, all right. We'll stay here.

- Okay. - One big family.

Some of us against our will.

Yeah, nothing says Christmas like a hostage situation.

[sighs]

- Oh, all right. - [squeals]

If what I said affected you guys that much,

then go ahead and start your own special...

Christmas memories.

- Ah! - Oh, thank you, Mommy.

Selfish brat.

Happy ho ho and a merry jingle jingle.

Whoopsie, whoopsie, I forgot to lock the door door.

Hey, Reba, we got a little issue here.

Jake wants to stay over at our house on Christmas Eve.

I want him to read me The Night Before Christmas like he always does.

You know, I told him I'd still do it. I'd just do it over the telephone.

Yeah, or we could just write him a nice letter. Merry Christmas.

[chuckling] These are good.

That's not the same.

And I wanna read the story to Henry too.

But, Jake, we had plans, honey.

What about all the stuff we were gonna do?

I'll sing carols with you before I go.

Well, th-that's good, son.

And then you won't have to sing over at our house.

Okay, well, what do you say me and your dad talk about it.

We'll see what we can work out.

[chuckles] So, can he?

Of course not. We'll just pretend we're talking,

- and then you go in and tell him no. - Well, why not?

[scoffs] You know how important this is to me.

Besides, you got the kids last year.

We went to Hawaii last year, remember?

To make things easier for everyone.

Not the Hawaiians.

Barbra Jean, help me out here.

Oh, yeah, Barbra Jean. Tell me what you think.

Well, I--

I think I'm still here cause you're blocking my way to the living room.

[whispers] Thank you.

Look, Brock, I've already lost Cheyenne, Van, and Elizabeth.

Yeah, and I feel bad about that, but come on, Reba,

fair is fair, they're my kids too.

Yeah, I wish I could have done that on my own.

Well, have Jake back as early as you can. I'm giving him a bike.

Oh, no, you can't.

Why?

Well, see, I was in the mall the other day, and I saw this really cool bike.

And, well, I-I bought it for him.

Barbra Jean, we should go.

Oh, just hold on a minute.

Oh, look, you know. When we got divorced,

we never discussed who got what tradition.

I just sort of figured that the bike one was mine.

Oh, well, here's my favorite tradition. You're wrong.

Come on. I already bought him the bike.

And besides, I'm the one who bought Cheyenne a Christmas bike

when she was eight.

I made a tradition when I went out

and bought Kyra's bike when she was eight.

Mine had a bow on it. I win.

Reba, the first thing Jake should see Christmas morning is that bike.

Do you really wanna take that away from him?

Kind of.

- Okay, fine. - Thanks, Reba. I'm gonna go tell him.

Why don't you just torch the tree on your way out?

- I'm all ready. - Oh, there's my big boy.

His first Christmas Eve away from his mama.

Now remember, if you sing really, really loud,

I'll be able to hear you over here.

- I'll try. I love you. - I love you too, baby. Have fun.

[off-key] ♪ Joy to the world ♪

♪ The Lord is come ♪

Enjoy your Christmas, Brock.

[door closes] Well, it's just me and you, kiddo.

So what should we do first? Go make some hot apple cider,

or go upstairs and put on our elf pajamas and decorate the tree?

Come on, Mom. The two of us sitting here,

forcing some holiday traditions that don't exist anymore?

- It sounds kind of pathetic. - Pathetic or super-duper fun?

The thing is Kendall's family

has this huge Christmas Eve open house every year.

- [phone rings] - Hang on a sec.

Hello? No, have your mom drive around the block.

She hasn't said yes yet.

- Please? - Go.

Pull around.

- Mom, you are the best. - Mm, save it for Santa.

- I won't be late. - Yeah, all right.

- Merry Christmas. - Yeah, Merry Christmas.

So I suppose you want to go back to the forest now, huh?

Oh, excuse me.

Do you know who I'd talk to about donating some food?

- Well, I'll take it. - Are you in charge here?

- No, I'm hungry. - Oh.

Those are homemade cookies.

I make 'em every year when my family decorates our tree.

I also wear these cute little elf pajamas,

but I didn't wanna start a ruckus. [laughs]

Yeah, thanks for that.

Anyhow, my family's off doing other stuff, so here I am, helping out.

Sharing the Christmas cheer. Go on. Have another one.

- No. - Oh, yeah, there's plenty. Go ahead.

I don't doubt it. They're lousy.

How about you?

You want some gravy for your mashed potatoes?

- You make it? - Yes, sir.

Pass.

You know what? You're wrecking this for me.

I'm supposed to be feeling good about all this,

instead I feel like pouring this gravy in your lap.

Oh, hey there, Sister.

Hey, I'm just giving him some gravy. There you go.

What's your problem?

My problem is I'm here on Christmas Eve instead of being with my family.

Oh, well, hey, I've got the same problem.

If you don't mind me asking, how come you're not with your family?

I gotta work. It's the busiest night of the year for Santa.

Oh, right, you're Santa. [chuckles]

I should have known that since I'm the tooth fairy.

I really am Santa.

Today, I was at Ryan's department store.

- Well, that must be fun. - It's four bucks an hour, lady.

Yeah, it's great. Where's your family?

[laughs] Well, they're off having a great time.

My oldest daughter is going to Lake Conroe.

And then my other daughter's at a party.

And my baby boy, he's with his dad.

Hey, it's all right.

Uh, look, I'm eating your gravy.

Mmm! Ooh!

And they're gonna give him the bike.

Could be worse. They could be giving him a pony.

I know, I feel stupid. Here I am feeling sorry for myself,

and all these people here have a lot bigger problems than I do.

Yeah, that's why I come down here, to feel better about myself.

I used to hang around with a disfigured guy,

so I wouldn't feel bad about the extra weight I put on.

That's not what I meant.

I know what you meant.

Look, there's always someone suffering worse than you.

It doesn't mean that your pain doesn't count.

Just when I thought divorce couldn't hurt me anymore,

I lose something else.

Christmas Eve used to be so special.

Well, it's been nice talking to you, but

I think you'd better get going.

I hear we're gonna get an ice storm later.

Oh, okay. You have to go anywhere?

Yeah. Every freakin' house in the whole world.

Be safe. Merry Christmas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Reba.

Hey, how did you know my name?

- I know everybody's name. - Oh, yeah, you're Santa.

Don't walk out of here tonight feeling sorry for yourself.

If you do, you're stealing Christmas from every person,

who, for whatever reason, isn't with their family tonight.

If your traditions meant anything,

your family's still together in your heart.

Go home. Decorate your tree.

End of speech.

- Thought you didn't like those? - I don't.

By the time we get to Japan, you'd be surprised what a reindeer will eat.

[Van] Okay, so how does this tradition thing work?

Well, what were some of your favorite holiday traditions growing up?

Uh, Dad would golf, Mom would drink, and I'd play with my toys.

Hey, at my house, we would always hang stockings.

That would be the first thing that we'd open. We should do that.

- Great. - Did you bring the stockings?

No.

- Didn't you? - No.

Well, I have socks and huge feet.

- Forget the whole stocking thing. - Okay.

What should we make for Christmas dinner?

- Oh. - Mom always makes roast beef.

Perfect. But do you think we'll have enough time to cook it?

I don't know. I don't even know if we have a frying pan.

Well, why don't we have roast beef here?

- Great idea. - Perfect.

All right.

Hmm.

Dang, they don't have any roast beef.

What kind of roadside pancake house is this?

[thunder rumbles]

Hello, Deborah? Yeah, it's Reba.

Yeah, I was just calling to say because of the weather and all,

maybe it'd be a good idea for Kyra to spend the night over there tonight.

Never mind, Deborah. She's back. Thanks a bunch.

- Hey, Mom. - Kyra, why did you come home?

Not that I'm complaining, mind you, but it's terrible out there.

It wasn't the greatest Christmas party. Did you know they're Jewish?

No, they're not.

I know. I just couldn't get the picture of you all alone out of my head.

So, you wanna sing Christmas carols?

- Mom, don't push it. - Okay, great.

I guess we can spend the time discussing your personal life.

♪ Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way ♪

- Oh, you're back. - [Cheyenne] Yes.

And you're soaked. Let me take Elizabeth.

- Thank you. [sighs] - Here you go.

I didn't expect you guys back until tomorrow. What happened?

Well, we just thought it was kind of stupid to start new traditions...

when we have such great old ones.

Plus, uh, we forgot our stockings.

Well, I'm just glad you're back.

Why don't you go on in and join all the fun.

- [door opens] - I'm back!

[exclaims] Jake! This is the best Christmas present I've ever had.

He's worried Santa wouldn't know where to find him,

so he wants to leave a note on his bed.

I told him we could just call Santa,

but somebody told him Santa doesn't have a phone.

Well, he doesn't.

I mean, that's just silly.

Merry Christmas, Daddy. Hey, Barbra Jean.

Merry Christmas, angel.

You know, it was really rough driving over here.

I'll tell you what. If this storm doesn't break,

we may have to stay over here tonight.

That'd be great.

I could borrow one of Reba's nighties.

Oh, the storm will break.

If there's a God in heaven, it'll break.

Hey, Dad, since you're here, you get to do the lights like always.

What can I do?

You can stand out on the front porch

and monitor the weather.

- Okay. - Barbra Jean.

- You can do the tinsel. - [gasps]

One strand at a time.

You know what me and my sister would do while decorating?

- What? - Tinsel fight!

[squeals] Come on, Reba!

Make it hard for me. Bob and weave.

- Bob and weave. - Barbra Jean, honey, honey?

[chuckles] Maybe you oughta just focus on the tree.

- Okay. - Okay.

- [squeals] - [laughs]

All your kids are home for Christmas. Looks like you got your wish.

Yeah.

- Well, almost. - [laughs]

[thunder rumbling]

Brock? What are you doing, havin' a séance in here?

No, I was gonna make a bologna sandwich. I wanted to set the mood.

- The power's out. - Yeah.

[thunderclap] Ooh, it's really howling out there.

- Hey, Reba? - Yeah.

It was always a nice tradition, Christmas Eve.

Yeah, it was.

You know, I was just sitting here thinking about all the Christmas Eves...

back when the kids were little.

Us up late, putting stuff together.

Okay, you putting stuff together.

Me, buzzed on eggnog, playing with the toys.

You think they remember it?

I mean, do you think they remember it as good?

Yeah, I really do.

- Power's back. - Yeah.

[Reba] Whoa!

You got him the bike, and then brought it over here in this storm?

That was so sweet.

Oh, come on. I didn't bring the bike over here. You went out and bought it.

I didn't buy him a bike, you butt.

- And thank you. - Well, you're welcome.

But I know you did it, you double butt.

- [chuckles] - [scoffs]

Yeah, have it your way.

I better get some rest.

In three short hours, I have to pretend to like Barbra Jean.

- Merry Christmas, Brock. - Merry Christmas, Reba.

[sleighbells jingling]

[theme music playing]

Acme! [coughing]