Original subtitles

[humming]

Freeze!

What? Me?

No, the fridge is broken. I'm talking to the peas.

Do you realize what time it is? Where have you been?

I'm sorry, Mom. I know I should have called, but I lost track of the time.

I promise I won't do it again, and I won't watch TV for the rest of the night.

Okay. I appreciate that. Where have you been?

Why do you have to know where I was? I'm home, and I'm safe.

You're home. You're not safe.

Look, I know you twisted your knee, and that's slowing you down a little bit,

but you're an hour late!

If you don't start talking, I'm gonna have to ground you.

- Fine. Then ground me. - I don't want to.

- Then don't. - I won't, if you talk.

- I'm not. - Then you're grounded.

- Fine! - Fine!

You should've told me you were at Jenny's. I'd have believed you.

- I was at Jenny's. - Fibber! I called Jenny's!

- What's with the teenager? - Oh, man. I don't know.

For the last couple of weeks, she's been so secretive,

like she's trying to hide something.

Yeah, with a 13-year-old girl, it could be anything.

Problem at school, hair emergency, stock market.

Hey, hey! You know who might know something?

That new boyfriend of hers.

Boyfriend? [chuckling]

Kyra's got a boyfriend?

Now that I hear it out loud, I wasn't supposed to say anything.

[Reba] Ha, hey!

♪ Who I am is who I wanna be ♪

♪ I'm a survivor ♪

- We won, Mom! - That's great, Jakey! Your first win!

Yeah! [laughing]

Ah, how bad was the other team?

They didn't show up.

What?

Well, I got something to tell you, but I don't want you to freak out.

The last time one of us said that, you ended up with the house.

- Kyra has a boyfriend. - Oh, God! Here we go again!

Stop overreacting. It's not that big a deal.

Really? Well, when'd this all start?

I don't know.

- What's his name? - I don't know.

- Where'd they meet? - Well, I don't know.

Gee, now I feel silly for overreacting.

It's probably just a crush.

Van said that he's a kid that she has lunch with and studies with sometimes.

And occasionally they sneak smokes down in his camper. [laughing]

- Oh, that's funny. - Yeah, I know.

Hey, you know who you should tell that joke to? Who?

Our 18-year-old and her baby.

Relax. She's not going anywhere with this kid

until I meet him and his parents.

Who knows? We might like him.

What?

You're the good one. Remember that.

Okay. Can I go over to my friend's house to study math?

No. Grounded means you stay here.

Hey, you know, Reba, maybe studying could be the exception.

I'd be more than happy to drive her over to her friend's house.

Oh! No, I grounded her. I'm gonna drive her over.

- But I want to. - I want to first.

- But I'm headed that way. - You don't know the way.

It doesn't matter. Which way is it, Ky-- She's makin' a break for it!

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on there.

- You know about Dylan, don't you? - Yeah.

I'll tell you what else I know. This kid better have a job and no prison record.

And I'm gonna need a urine sample.

Yup.

Okay, Dad. Mom, I want you to take me.

Uh--

I knew if I let you talk, she'd choose me.

Remember! You're the good one!

Okay, Mom. Thanks for the ride. Bye.

- Wait a minute. I'm coming in too. - What?

No. No, you're not.

Kyra, I can't just drop you off without meeting Dylan's parents.

What are you so worried about?

I don't know the first thing about these people.

I mean, they could be drunks or convicts or telemarketers for all I know.

Do you enjoy humiliating me?

It'll be a lot worse if I don't meet 'em, and they

catch me goin' through their trash.

- Mom! - Kyra, either I go in or nobody does.

- Fine. Then nobody does. - Fine!

- Fine. - Fine.

- [knocking] - [both scream]

- [chuckling] - Hi.

Sorry. Havin' a little mother-daughter moment.

They're not all tender.

Teenagers. Makes me long for when Dylan was two

and drinking out of the dog's water bowl.

Yeah, I miss when Kyra's answer to everything was holding her breath

and pulling her dress over her head.

I love my life.

Greg Hewitt, Dylan's dad.

Oh, Reba Hart, Kyra's nightmare.

Sorry for the look. I was out back in the garden.

Ah, no big deal. I just came over to "meet the parents."

- Is your wife around? - Actually, it's just me here.

- Wife and I divorced last year. - Oh, class of 2001. Me too.

Mom, don't you have your brain surgery today?

[mock laughing]

What she means is I should really be going, and I really should.

- No, no. Come in for some lemonade. - Well, okay.

Great. I grew the lemons myself.

Wow, that must have saved you thousands of dollars.

Mom, you hate lemonade.

I don't hate lemonade. I'm allergic to it.

Look what I bought Elizabeth!

[both giggling]

They're little baby cross trainers.

They're shoes...

but they're little.

I know!

Thanks for driving me home.

Hope I didn't rush you by sitting in the car for half an hour.

I couldn't just leave, Kyra. The man was showing me his garden.

Right. 'Cause gardens are so rare in a backyard.

- Well, I'd better be going. - Okay.

Mom, it's not okay for you to like Dylan's dad.

So you like her little friend's father?

Isn't that just a tad inappropriate, Reba?

Yeah, you're a real moral barometer.

- Good-bye, Barbra Jean. - I didn't mean to--

- Good-bye, Barbra Jean. - Well, you don't have to tell me twice.

Yeah, apparently it's three times. Good-bye, Barbra Jean.

So, you like Dylan's dad?

I don't "like him" like him.

I just approve of him in a "like him" fashion.

I'm not going to "barf" barf. I'm going to vomit in a "barfing" fashion.

Oh, yeah. Mama's got her groove back.

I didn't do anything. I just had lemonade with the man.

I thought you were allergic to lemonade.

I am. I just hope his dog isn't.

You know what this means, Mom? You're safe dating.

Come again?

Yeah, y-you're safe dating.

When you hang out with someone in an innocent setting,

and there's no pressure because it's not really a "date" date?

Van and I used to safe date all the time.

Not safe enough.

Look, Cheyenne, you can think whatever you want.

But I'm an adult, and as far as I'm concerned,

I spent a few interesting hours with a very interesting man.

Oh, yeah. Mama's got her groove back.

We have the cutest baby on the planet, all species included.

Well, except meerkats. Have you ever seen a baby meerkat?

You could just eat their little faces.

You know what it is, Van? Elizabeth has your eyes.

No, it's her chin. She has your chin. She's cute because of you.

- No, she's cute because of you. - No, you.

No, you.

Thanks for helping me, Jake.

We now have our very first vegetable garden.

What should we grow?

Candy!

Jake, did you plant Skittles?

Maybe.

[doorbell rings]

- Whoops. I forgot. - What?

To tell you when Dylan and his dad are coming over

so you won't be caught in grimy overalls.

- What? He's here now? - Yeah.

- Why are you playing with your hair? - I'm not. I just got an itch.

- Knock it off! - Ow!

I can't afford a new couch, and you're makin' me wanna burn that one.

Don't tell me we're embarrassing you. We're married.

[laughing] Trust me. Married people don't act like that.

- [doorbell rings] - Who is that?

It doesn't matter who that is. Just scoot.

Hi, Dylan. Hey, Greg. I wasn't expecting you.

Hey. Where's Kyra? She's in there. Be careful of the garden.

- I have a garden. - I'd love to see it sometime.

Well, it's only dirt until the Skittles come up.

- You're growing your own Skittles? - Yeah.

That will save you thousands of dollars.

Yeah. It was good seeing you again.

Oh, well, hey. Hang on.

You offered me a drink. Least I could do is return the favor.

- Okay. Great. - Okay.

I've gotta warn you. Dylan is gonna hate me hanging around here.

Oh, that's too bad. Kyra always approves of everything that I do.

Who's this?

This? This is Greg. Greg, this is Van, my son-in-law.

Dylan's dad. Nice to meet you.

What's up?

I'm gonna be outside, but I could certainly find my way back inside,

if you know what I mean.

- I'll call you if I need something. - Yeah, you do that, Craig.

- It's Greg. - Really? Well!

I got a name too. It's Butt Kicker.

We don't use the "Kicker" part much.

He got his hygienist pregnant? How'd that happen?

He said a slip and fall, but I didn't buy that either.

- I'm really glad our kids met. - Me too.

We should get 'em together more often. I'll bet they're free Saturday night.

- Let's go, Dad. - Dylan, buddy, what's wrong?

- Nothing! Can we just go? - I guess, but are you sure we should--

[voice breaks] I don't want to talk about it!

- I think we should go. - Well, okay.

Thanks for coming by.

- Thanks for the coffee, Reba. - You bet.

Kyra, is everything all right?

It's over, okay? He broke up with me.

I don't understand. Everything was going so well.

Maybe Dylan didn't like the fact you were so friendly with his dad.

Maybe he was uncomfortable being on some kind of sick

old people-young people double date.

And maybe in the future, you'll stay out of my business.

I'm gonna figure out some way to blame this on your dad!

Hey, guys. Where's Kyra?

She's in the tree house, pouting.

She doesn't wanna talk to anyone right now.

I wanna talk to her. Come on, Van. Give me a boost.

Oh, maybe I wasn't clear. She would talk to anyone but you right now.

I gotta do somethin'. I feel awful about all this.

You think you feel bad?

If I didn't open my big, fat, stupid mouth about her boyfriend,

then that little girl wouldn't be out there with her heart broken.

Don't anybody ever tell me anything again!

I love his passion.

Poor Kyra. These things seem like the end of the world at her age.

Mom, she's 13. They would've broken up in a week anyway.

Trust me. She's gonna be okay.

Well, I sure hope so.

But you, you're in big trouble.

Me?

Yeah. You just lost your safe date.

And at your age, dating is a big numbers game,

and the pool of available men is shrinkin' for you.

It's not even a pool anymore, Ma.

It's like a puddle.

[chuckles] First off, thank you.

And second, I'm done with Greg and his lemonade.

I've already caused enough trouble.

- Mom, it's okay if you're scared. - I'm not scared.

No, it's okay. I mean, think about it.

The only guy you've ever been with walked out on you.

I'd be terrified if Van did that to me, and my pool is still huge.

Yeah, and you've got that baby as man bait.

Look, Mom, Kyra and Dylan are history,

but you are still using them as an excuse to hide from this guy.

- No, I'm not. - Yes, you are.

There's nothing you can do about Kyra and Dylan,

but if you still wanna see Greg, you can.

You're just gonna have to risk getting hurt again.

So to recap... the puddle is small. Give him a call.

I guess you're surprised I gave you a call.

Uh, I hate to admit it, but it's a little awkward for me too.

[slurping]

Ms. Hart, I have soccer practice in an hour.

I'll make it fast.

I just want you to know your dad and I are not gonna hang out anymore,

so you and Kyra can get back together.

- Really? - Yep.

- Oh, hey, Kyra. - Dylan. Hi.

- Hey, honey. - Your mom called.

She says it's cool if we get back together.

Back together. You did that?

Yep. And this time, I'm gonna stay out of the way.

- I'll be in the kitchen if you need me. - So will I. One sec.

One sec.

What are you doing?

I fixed everything. Dylan wants to go out with you.

Of course he does.

- I'm the one who dumped him. - What?

I don't like him anymore. He's a huge crybaby.

At first I thought he was sensitive, but he cries at everything.

He cries at the drop of a hat. I mean literally.

He dropped his hat and burst into tears.

But you told me you guys broke up because of me and Greg.

Yeah, I lied. I just did that to

scare you off so you wouldn't get involved in my life anymore,

which obviously worked like a charm.

I'm your mother. I will always get involved in your life.

Good, because someone has to break up with Dylan.

Be strong, Mom.

Well, this is awkward.

- Hey. - Hey. Where's Kyra?

Uh, Dylan.

Hi. [giggles]

Sometimes, Dylan, things happen in life that are bad,

but later you look back,

and they're still bad. [chuckles nervously]

But at least you're looking back.

- Are you breaking up with me? - No. Um--

You are.

You're breaking up with me. Why?

No, no, Dylan, it's not you.

It's Kyra. Think of this as a good thing.

She's mean.

I-- I can't believe this. [sobbing]

Okay, Dylan, look. Honey, I know it's hard.

[sobbing]

- Hey, chief. I thought you had soccer. - I'm not going.

- What's with him? - Dylan and Kyra broke up, again.

- I'm sorry about this. - Ah, poor kid.

- Love's tough, huh? - Yeah.

In the long run, I'd rather he take the risk and have his heart broken

than maybe miss out on something great.

You know, it's funny you mentioned that 'cause there's, uh--

That gives me a chance to say something that I think is kind of important.

What is it?

I'm allergic to lemonade.

- Really? I had other stuff. - Yeah. Yeah.

It's the weirdest thing. Ever since I was a little kid--

- Do you wanna go out with me? - Huh?

I said ever since I was a little kid--

Do you wanna go out with me?

'Cause it's a numbers thing, and it's--

The puddle is small.

- I'd love to go out with you. - Whoo!

I took a big chance there.

[sighs] Scary.

Glad that's over with. I'm all sweaty.

Well, I'm glad you did, 'cause I was afraid I wasn't gonna see you anymore.

Well, you could've asked me out.

I know, but ever since Karen abandoned me, I've had zero self-confidence.

That's something we can talk about over dinner.

Where should we go?

You know, now that we're dating,

I feel like I can finally let this out.

[voice shaking] I'm so tired of being brave.

[crying]

Well, Chili's is nice.

She hurt me so bad!

Okay, let it out, big feller.

[sobs]

Well, so much for being scared.

- I asked him out, and he said yes. - Score!

Then he cried tears of joy all over my favorite blouse.

The dad cries too? What a bunch of freaks!

Yeah, it turns out men crying is only attractive in theory.

- Where are you going? - To study.

She met a new boy at school.

Oh, no!

I did it again! Why did she tell me?

Damn this open, trusting face!

Well, I hope this new kid's father is u-u-gly!

[theme music playing]

Acme! [coughing]